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McHenry Plaindealer (McHenry, IL), 1 Apr 1885, p. 7

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A FEUBL0tni mm •Ifaim BMunnd to Baltimore DoH«f the War. In Aagoat, 1862,1 chanced to meet in Kiohmond • gentleman who told me of a sueeesalol trip he had made across the lines to Baltimore. Mj husband had some money there which we need­ ed very mnch. It was a temptation not to be resisted. My husband was in the Confederate army and xny two children were at school in South Carolina, so there was none to raise objections and my own inclinations to urge me speed­ ily decided the question. I Becured from the gentleman his route in minute detail. At Hanover Junction I had so much trouble to get conveyance to Bowling Green that [ was at the point of going took, ignominiously, when I saw a car­ riage drive up to the point where I was waiting, A tew questions and answers put me in possession of the fact that Dr. B , who lived near Bowling Green, was expected on the train and this was his carriage sent to meet him. When he arrived I sent for him and begged permission to go with him. He politely consented. After a night of rest and comfort the good doctor car­ ried me over to Bowling Green, got me a carriage and 1 departed with his bleBsing. The thoughtful kindness of Mrs. B had supplied me with an ample luncli basket well stored with delicacies and substantial?. The next point, Port Royal, on the Rappahannock, was reached in perfect comfort and safety. I met at the hotel there four ladies returning to Rich­ mond from Baltimore. The first thing to do was to find a boatman willing to row me over the river, which was both difficult and hazardous, owing to the fact that Federal gunboats were almost constantly passing and were liable to come around a bend at any time. I was about concluding a bargain with a party when a regiment of Federal cav­ alry dashed into the town and as sud­ denly every one disappeared--among them my boatman. For a while we kept very stilL But my curiosity overcoming caution I went out to look at the situation from our veranda. The Federals had taken possession of an eminence in front of us and thus commanded the town. On a beautiful ly shaded grassy slope in full view, they were making themselves at home after the style of cavaliers under such cir­ cumstances. The horses •were turned out to graze. Officers and men lounged about under the trees eating, drinking, and smoking. Sometimes a loud laugh or snatch of a song reached our ears, showing the soldiers to be entirely at ease. At this moment the sound of horses1 hoofs attracted my attention in another direction. Supposing the new comers to be more Federals, I was about turn ing to fe-enter the lioase with a heavy heart when a glance at the rapidly ap­ proaching party gave my pulse a bound and with a thrill of hope and fear I recognized the Confederate uniform. In nnother moment I saw that the fore­ most cavalier was an old friend of oure. I did not go into the house then. An exclamation showed that the recogni­ tion was mutual; I knew that he was a member of General J. E. B. Stuart's staff, although when I last met him he was a minister of the gospel. A few hasty words of greeting and explanation on both sides were ex­ changed, when General Stuart riding up, the Colonel, my friend, introduced ,me. He remarked at the same time that »wished to cross the lines, but was afraid to attempt it on account of those troops,^pointing, as he said it, over his shoulders at the federals. General Stnart laughed as he said: "Madam, you need have no fear. They are bagged. We hare surrounded them." Raising my eyes to the hill opposite I saw the confirmation of his words. The transfer of arms and munitions of war was actually taking place at the mo­ ment. I was not long in crossiLg the river, and before an hour had passed 1 reached Br. Stewart's house. It was quite dark, although we had driven rapidly. The Doctor met me at the door with a hearty welcome. He sent for Mrs. Stewart and both cheerfully promised a'l the assistance in their power.' At the supper table I met Miss Stew­ art, a prepossessing young lady, very handsome and dashing. Mrs. Stewart unlocked a cabinet, and taking there­ from a pistol and handed it to her daughter and another she placed in her own belt. - She said to me: "Now Mrs. M , my daughter and myself are ready to go with you. The Doctor is not able to go out alter night We will do our best to defend and protect you. There was a dash of adventure and danger and of romance that quite thrilled me at this point We had all talked at Richmond and elsewhere about our patriotism and all the rest, but I had never before beenj brought into direct contact with anything like this. It was necessary to make the crossing at night. The carriage, driven by a faithful old servant of Mrs. Stewart, proceeded slowly through the woods. We were mostly silent or spoke in a low tone. My own reflections were full of anxiety and, perhaps, fear, as we went on and on through the dark forest, damp with dews and weird and solemn enough for a funeral pall for all the dead slain in the war. It was after midnight when we stopped. A sienal was given and almost immediately a voice said: "All right, Mrs. Stewart." Wo waited perhaps ten minutes, when we were joined by a gentleman to whom Mrs. Stewart explained our wishes. To my regret he said it was too late to make the attempt that night. Bht he would be glad to have me remain at his house until the next night, when he would put me across himself. The next night. I crossed safely to the northern shore of the Potomac. We rowed into one of many creeks to the house of a Southern gentleman,through whose kindness I was enabled to reach Port Tobacco, ten miles distant, the next (lay. Thero I took the stage for Washington City. The other passen­ ger beside mjself was a gentleman from the South, also running the blockade, from whom I received some valuable suggestions. Hanging on now I reached my friends in Baltimore next morning, worn out with fatigue and excitement. |--Mrs. E. M. McGhte, in Philadelphia Times. An Abyssinian Librarj. $he Abyssinian alphabet constats of two hundred and eight characters, each of which is written distinctly and sep­ arately, like the letters of a European printed book. The labor required to write an Abyssinian book is therefore immense, and sometimes years are con­ sumed in the preparation of a single volume Mr. Cuzon, an English scholar, visite 1 an Abyssinian monas­ tery a few miles from Cairo, and was surprised to find therein one of the most unique of libraries. In a room twenty-six by twentT. a nuniber of long i pegs projected from tike wan, and on them hung about fifty Abyssin­ ian books in manuscript. As the en­ tire literature of Abyssinia does not in­ clude more than one hundred volumes, the monks were proud of their liberty. Each book was bound in red leather or in boards, and enclosed in a case tied up with leather thongs. To this case was attached a strap for the conveni­ ence of carrying the volume over the shoulders, and by these straps the books were hung to the wooden pegs, three or four to a peg. The room thus fitted up also contained a number of long staves, for the monks to lean on at the time of prayer. It had the ap­ pearance of a guard-room, where the soldiers had hung their knapsacks and cartridge boxes against the wall.-- Youth's Companion. A Dead Square Reverse. A number of rai road men were sit­ ting by the red-hot stove in one of the little switch shanties, telling stories. Pretty soon the door opened and a man crowded his way in. He was a big, rough-looking man, dressed in the checked blouse and overall of an en­ gineer. His face was bloated, his eyes blood-ahot, and he had not been shaved for many a day. He came in with un­ steady step and a wild look in his eyes, but with his jaw set tight. "Boys," he said, as soon as the group had greeted him with the conventional happy New Year, for it was the first day of J anuarv. "boys, I've gone "and done it" . -- "Done what ?" they ejaculated to­ gether. J&worn off, boys--I've, plugged the whisky bottle this time, for sure. No mistake but I've reversed on her--a dead square reverse, and just in time, too. I was going to wreck pretty fast. She's a-grindingon me now, boys,grind- ing like ten thousand devils, but I'm going to fight her out It's three months, you know, since I was dis­ charged for drinking, and I've been goin' from bad to worse. I've had em, I tell you, and on Christmas--there wan't no Christmas at our house this year--on Christmas my wife asked me why I couldn't go to work and earn some money. .'I'm goin' to work, my dear,' says I, and then I put on my blouse and started for the round house. I haven't been home since. I don't know where I have been. But I do known that the red lights have been after me. Yes, bovs, the red lights. The 7 danced before my eyes wherever I went. The air was full of 'em--up on targets, down on the ground, wavin' across my track--everywhere. I'd turn to get away from 'em, and they were always in front of me. I'd close my eyes and then I could see a million. They drove me crazy, boys. I couldn't go ahead, nor back, nor to the right nor left, but it seemed my next step would be a wreck. There was no es­ caping 'em. Once I thought I was in hell and that there were ten thousand imps dancing around me, ever/ one with great red eves in his head." Here the engineer sank into a seat and buricdliis face in lus hands. His bo£y trembled like an engine in motion. The railroad men looked at each other and shook their heads. Soon the man in the blouse started up with a cry. "There they are again! Down brakes! For God's sake, boys, give me a drink! I must drive these devils away. •Please, boys, just one drop, just to wet my tongue. Just a drop to steady my nerves, and then I'll stop." "William! William!" called a soft voice, as the dooi*of the little Bhanty opened again. "Is my husband in here? ComerWilliams oome home with me now." A moment later the big man in the blouse and overalls was being led,away by a little woman. Every half dozen steps he would stop and look about^i^ if in terror; but she urged him on wmi gentle words, and thus they disap­ peared from view.--Chicago Herald. An Automat c Gnn. ,_\J)k,(flUi which is capable of firing 690 rounds a minute, and which when once started keeps up this terrific fire with­ out the interference of any human agency, is clearly one of the most effective and deadly weapons of war which modern ingenuity has devised. Such a gun is the Maxim self-acting machine gun, the invention of Hiratn S. Maxim, an Englishman. In tlio working of this gun every round after the first is fired by the recoil of the previous explosion. The cartridges are carried in a belt composed of any number of lengths, which are connected together as the cartridges are used. One end of this cartridge-belt is placed in the gun mechanism on one side; the cartridges are picked out of it by the automatic action of the gun, and the belt and the cartridge-shells are ejected after firing. Every recoil of the gun brings the next cartridge into position, forces it into the barrel, cocks the ham­ mer, pulls the trigger, extracts the empty cartridge-case and ejects it from the gun, all these processes going on with the almost inconceivable rapidity represented by the firing of 600 rounds a minute. At the moment of firing the recoil drives the barr 1 back about three-quarters of an inch, and it is this recoil which directs the mechanism of the gun and makes its fire continuous. The gun can bo turned in any direction by turning a crank, and the rate of dis­ charge can be accurately regulated by means of a "controlling chamber" in­ geniously contrived so that the gun may be fired rapidly or slowlv, as de­ sired. This belt-sytem of automatic firing has been applied by the inventor, not only to machine guns, but to the Winchester, Martini-Henry, and other rifles fired from the shoulder. Its in­ troduction in practical military opera­ tions is likely to increase the already lerrib e deadliness of modern warfare. CemwandiuentN for tiirls. A friend sends us the following fif­ teen commandments for girls: 1. Mind your own lmsiness. 2. Never meddle with other people's affairs. 3. Dpn't be envious. 4. Don't be a hypocrite--if you can help it. 5. Don't lie--unless you oan gain by 6. Never speak evil of another. 7. Never forsake a friend in trouble. 8. Don't be jealous-hearted. 9. Keep your own path straight and let others do the same. 10. Don't try to convert a sinner by what is said behind her baok. 1L Speak to her of her faults, or keep your mouth shut 12. Love no man. 13. Judge no woman. 15. Judge all men.--South Mid Went. He fat * Reformer. *U "Briggs," said a Pine street lawyer to his young clerk, "why weren't you at the office earlier this morning ?* Beg pardon, sir, but I am a reform­ er. I believe that the office should seek the man, not the man the oHiee."--- Will am sport Breakfast Table. Ak oil well driller is always running his business into the ground.--Oil City Derrick. IT is a foolish butcher who adopts the meat-trick system.--New York Journal A LAND slide is the most significant movement in real estate.--New Orleans Picayune. YOUNG ladies who will not marry when they have a chance Miss it--Lo­ well Courier. RAISINS are sometimes like prophets --for instance, when they are stoned.-- Lowell Courier. IT is a wonder that firemen are not always taking cold, because they so frequently get water in their hose.-- Texas Sittings. FATHER--"I never imagined that your studies would cost me so much money." Student--"Yes, and I don't study much, either.' -- Fliegemle Blatter. OLD soldiers say they never whistled during a heavy battle, because the whistling of the bullets kept their minds occupied.--Pack's Sun. "HEARD from Smith lately?" "No. What's he up to now?" "Last week he went into a saloon and killed four men because they wouldn't drink with him." "1 always knew Smith would get into trouble.,,. He is so conventional in lus habits."--New York Graphic. HE TOOK THB HINT. f "You're the bollcof the town," '1 he young in tii said. As he smoothei the curls On her queenly head. - ' . He took tue hint, the young man dM, When she (rave her liit << 1i> ad a fling. And murmured softly in his ear, "What good is a be.l w thoui a rio*?" --Exchange. A GERMAN on a steamer returning to the land fit his birth informed another passenger: "America is der best coun­ try in der world. I haf lived der more as den years und failed vive dimes, und seven dimes burnt out Now -1 goes home to lif mit a fortune und my fam­ ily." "HELLO! hello!" shrieked Joqes to Smith; "hello!" "I'm no walking tele­ phone to be 'helloed' at Why don't you say 'Good morning' to a gentle­ man?" "I do when I meet one." The polls closed and the ballots were counted. It was a tie. Neither party had carried the day.--Hartford Pout. "So CLARA is dead," observed Mrs. Simpson sympathetically to Mrs. I)e Silva of Boston." "Yes, poor dear! she died last week of lungfever." "How did it happen?" "She imprudently exposed herself. The house caught fire, and poor girl rushed out into the snow without her eyeglass."--New York Graph ic. PENITENTIARY official--"If you have any trade, prisoner, state it, and we'll put you to work at it" Prisoner (just entered)--"Well, boss, I was brung up a bartender, and I'd like to work at that" He was put to the bars of the casting-pot of the foundry as the near­ est mode of accommodating him.-- •Huntsville (Tex.) Item. Bt'bbv stubbed his toe and came crving to his mother. "There, there, Bubby," she said, after she had ascer­ tained that the injury was trifling; "you are tdo big a boy to cfry over a little thing like that." "B-but what a- am I to do, mamma?" he asked, sobbing- ly; "I ain't b-big enough to s-swear." llehoboth Sunday Herald. THE SKATER ON HIS SKATE. Here them rr.ttc, prate, prate, 'J'he skat -r with his in te. Oh, the skive, the merry, merry skate!- There's many a love--ly story they relate, As ihey speed at f arful rate-- 'Tis often Cup d seals the late. Be sure and save your pate Ere it shall be too late; For 'tis so very, very great, To ride upon the merry, merry skate-- "lis better far than swinging on the gats. --Cambrido* Tribune. "WHAT are you taking my boots out of here for?" asked a gentleman of his negro servant. "Whut; is dese yer boots, boss?" "You know they are, you trifling rascal." "Wall, I 'clare for goodness, boss!" (Dropping the boots.) "1 thought da wuz de skuttles, an' I thought dat I'd go down arter some coal, eah. Cuis how er man can be 'ceived."--Arkansa 10 Traveler. STOREKEEPER--"I am getting t red of this delay, and want you to square up your accounts or I will " Customer "Do you mean to say you want me to pay you the money I owe you?" "Cer­ tainly. What else should I want?" "Now, look here; only a mouth ago your book-keeper ran off with every cent you had in your store, didn't he?" "Yes, but " "Well, now, as a friend I advise you to leave my money with me, when it will be safe."--Philadelphia Call. AN evangelist named Earl recently held a revival in Virginia City, Nevada. He didn't convert the people upj*> the standard usually in force there, but he did very well considering. At one of the meetings the wife of a gambler arose to testify to the good effect he was having on the community. "Why," she said, "before Brother Earl came here my husband used to run a reg'lar brace, but now, thanks to Brother Earl's Christian teaching, he's dealing as square a game as there is in Vii'giuia City." IT was in an Illinois town. Tbo pa­ pers were out with a sensational article regarding the defalcation and flight of the Town Treasurer, and the affair was the talk on every corner and in every store. A New-Yorker who happened to be in the town was considerably in­ terested, and in conversation with a leading merchant he remarked, "I pre­ sume he gave a bond?" "O, yes " "And the bondsmen are good? "That's the deuce of it, mister!" ex­ claimed the sajirchant "I'm the only bondsman, and he's placed me in a mean position. I \\ as preparing to fail and beat my Chicago creditors; but I'll be hanged if I see liow I'm to beat Chicago and the town too and get enougti property in my wife's name to start a wholesale house in Dubuque Wall Street Newt;. The Woes of Poverty. "See what it is to be poor!" he ex­ claimed as he stood shivering in a doorway. "Hungry?" queried the other. "Well, I'm always hungry, for that matter, but just now a man whom I fell against on the corner got mad about it and offered to lick me for 2 cents." "And you hadn't the money?" "Couldn't possibly raise a red cent, and I told him so and he went away disappointed. The rich either ought to come down on their prices, or the poor have some new way of making money. A licking would have warmed me up for a whole week."--Free Press. a IT is said that the wood on the north side of a tree will not warp as much as that from the south side, and that if the trees are sawed in planes that run east) an west as the trees stood, it will warp less than if cut in the oppo­ site direction. QDENN VICTORIA has an allowance of $1,925,000 for household expenses. (From the Washington Dally Pcit] For many years physicians have been much exercised over the use of drugs and medicines _ containing opiates or polsoria. Op.um smoking by the Chinese and the in­ troduction of the habit into America Is an evil which has been sought to be remedied, and the police of Philadelphia have recently made successful raids on opium "joints" and arreatcd the proprietors. A more insidious form of poison than this, however, and one which largely affects not only the health but the lives of children, Is that which comes in the fcrm of popular medicines. Nine out of ten of these, it is known, contain narcotics or deadly metallic oxides. The difficulty, bow- ever, has been to find a substitute for such things which would be purely vegetable, and at the same time effects prompt cure. That such a discovery had been made was announc­ ed recently, and Dr. O. (i rot he, chemist to the Brooklyn lloard of Health, and a graduato of the University Of Kiel, Germany, pub­ licly certified that be had analyzed the reme­ dy and found it tree from narcotics, opiates or injurious metaliio oxides, and a harmless and happy combination, which will prove highly effective. Hearing that Dr. Samuel K. Cox, a graduate of Yale, and expert an­ alytical chemist of this city, had also ana­ lyzed the remedy In question and given pub­ lic testimony as to its purity and efficacy, a reporter of the was told by him that he had given such a certificate, and that Uo be­ lieved the remedy marked a new stage in the tieatment of throat and lung diseases. He knew also that many public men in Washing­ ton had given the remedy a trial, and felt confident if they were called upon that thify would cheerfully indorse it. One of them was Hon. J. C. S. Ulackburn, Senator elect from Kentucky. Mr. Blackburn, on being approached, said he had used the remedy with marked effect and found great benefit, especially during his occupancy of the Speak­ er's chair. It had removed all irritation from his throat and relieved a cough which had troubled him much. Senator Gorman, of Maryland, said that he firmly believed tn the remedy, which he had personally tested. Congressmen J. II. Bag- ley, Jr., of New York; Win. Mutchler, of Pennsylvania; J. H. Brewer, of New Jersey; Hart H. Hoi ton, of Maryland, and J. P. 1-eo- dom, Esq., of Ohio, ^ergeant-at-Arms of the House of Hepresentatives, were emphatic in their indorsement ot the remedy. Messrs. Ed A- Clark, Architect of Public Buildings; E. A. Carman, Acting t ommissloner of the Agricultural Department; Thomas 8. Miller, chief clerk in tbo Surgeon General's Depart­ ment; H. E. Weaver, ex-Congressman fram Miss sslppl, and now chief of the collecting division in the General Postoltice; J. H. Gravenstinf, heal of the labor division Ul same department, and F. B. Conger, City Postmaster, and sou of Senator Conger, of Michigan, all pronounced it a valuable dis­ covery, and had found its effects not only soothing, but lasting. The remedy in ques­ tion is Bed Star Cough Cure. It is free from opiates or poisons, and is purely vegetable. A physician who stands in close relation to the Board of Health of the District of Colum­ bia said that there are two things which seri­ ously affect the health of the people,--im­ pure water and impure drugs, and therefore the benefits of a discovery like Hed Star Cough Cure can not be o verestimated. Thou­ sands of children die aunually from the use of cough and soothing syrups containing opiates or poisons, and even adults are ex­ posed to the danger of blood-poisoning from such a cause, lu view of these facts, mem­ bers of Boards of Health in various cities; public men of Maryland, from the Governor down, and leading: practicing physicians throughout that State have over their own signatures test ified that Ked Star Cough Cure can not fail to be a boon to the suffering and afflicted. The reporter's investigations were thorough and uuprojudiccd. and the testi­ mony obtained, Judging irom Its character, can not be gainsal& The Tailors Did Net Like It. In 1767 Foote had produced a bur­ lesque, the author of which has nevetf been discovered, entitled "The Tailors; a Tragedy for Warm Weather." Dow- ton announced the revival of this piece for his benefit. As the title implies, it was a satire upon tl^e sartorial craft, and upon the bills being issued an in­ dignation meeting was convened among the knights of the needle, who vowed to oppose the performance by might and main. Menacing letters were sent to Dowton telling him that 17,000 tailors would attend to hiss the piece, and oue who signed 'himself "Death" added that 10,0041 more could be found if necessary. Tbese threats were laughed at by the actors; but when night came it was discovered that the craft were in earnest, and that, with few exceptions, they had contrived to secure every seat in the house, while a mob outside still squeezed for admis­ sion. The moment Dowton appeared upon the stage there rose a hideous up­ roar, and some one threw a pair of shears at him. Not a word would the rioters listen to, nor would tliev accept any compromise in the way of changing the piece. Within howled and hissed without intermission hundreds of exas­ perated tailors; outside howled and bellowed thousands of raging tailors, who attempted to storm the house. So formidable did the riot wax that a mag­ istrate had to be sent for and special constables called out, but these were helpless against overwhelming odds, so a troop of Life Guards was ultimately summoned, who after making sixteen prisoners put the rest to flight.--Bel- grama. . The Church of England. The wealth of the Church of England in worldly, not spiritual, goods is just now receiving considerable attention, but speculation has not much upon which to base itself, for the reason that no one knows precisely what its income is, ex<jept the two Archbishops, and they, probably wisely, keep the knowl­ edge securely t© themselves. Some of the most valuable property in England belongs to the church, which has held it ever since it v.as taken away from the Roman Catholic^ by Henry VIII. and bestowed upon the newly created Bishops to make their fealty sure. The Archbishop of Canterbury, the primate of all England, has an annual in­ come of $75,000, in addition to Lambeth Palace, his London or city residence. The Archbishop of York, the primate of England, receives $50,- 000 a year, besides two residences and a large household of officials. The tithes of some of the other Bishops ar«?: London, $50,000; Durham, $115,000; Winchester, $35,000; Ely, $27,500; and Bath, Lincoln, Oxford, Salisbury, and Worcester. $25,000 each. The Bishop of Soclon and Man, who has neither cathedral nor dean, gets $10,- 000 a year for doing nothing.--Ameri­ can Register. THK prettiest of literary anecdotes has been related by Wilhelm Grimm, one of the pair of famous story-tellers. One day a little girl rang their bell and met him in the hall with the words, "Are you the Mr. Grimm who writes the pretty tales?" "Yes, I and my brother." "And that of the clever little tailor who married the princess ?" Yes, certainly." "Well," said the child, produc ng the book, "it is said here that every one who doesn't believe it must pay him a thaler. Now, I don't believe that a princess ever married a tailor. I haven't so much as a thaler, but here is a groschen; and please say II hope to pay the rest by degrees." Just then Jacob came up, and the brothers had an interesting interview with the little dame; but they could not persuade her to take away the gros which she had laid on tlie table. Mot a Trace. Dr. D. P. Penington, D. D. S., 536 West Fayette street, Baltimore, Maryland, states that he has personally used the Bed Star Cough Cure and in his family, and has found it a prompt and sort remedy for coughs and colds. No bad results of other cough remedies. Not a trace of opium or morphia. • • The Fate of a Fnnny Man. "Cold weather," said the slv old cockroach, rubbing his hands as lie en­ tered the office. "How's paste?" "What do I know about paste?n in­ dignantly exclaimed the phony man. "Beg pardon. No harm indeed. I didn't know but you might have a kite, though I know you never use it by the look of what you write. By the "way, you didn't know the funny man who was here afore you?" "No. What became of himf "Popular preacher out WesCf "r "Preacher!" "Yes. He wrote the funniest joke df his life. All the religious journals copied' it, and it was printed in the Sunday-school papers. Gentleman in Sewickley had it read at the grave of his mother-in-iaw. The preachers up in Tarentum used it while passing the contribution box. Smart fellow, that funny man. He taw his opening, went West, became great brimstone preach­ er, and married a plumber's widow. There's a tip for you 1" And the old cockroach winked viciously and said he'd go down Fifth avenue and get some paste. He had been drinking. -- Pittsburg Chronicle-Tclegraplul IkdigMtion'a Martyr*. i Half the diseases of the human family spring from a disordered stomach, and may be pre-, van led by invigorating and tonin? that abased and neglected OTfan with Hostetter's Stomaoh Bitters Let it be borne in mind that the liver, the kidneys, the intestines, the muscles, the lig­ aments, the bones, the nerves, the integuments are all renewed and nourished by the blood, and that the digestive organs are the strand alembic in which the materials of the vital tin id are pre­ pared. When the stomach fails to provide healthful nourishment for its dependencten they necessarily suffer,and the ultimate result, if the evil I* not arrested, will b« chronic and probably fatal diaeaae somewhere. It may be developed in the kidneys in the form of diabetes, in the liver as oaagestion, in the muscles aa rheuma­ tism, in the nerves as paralysis, in the integu­ ment H as scrofula. Remember, however, that eaoh and all of these consequences of indi­ gestion may !».•> prevented by the timely and rouular me of that'sovereign antidote to' dvs- pepaia, Hostetter's Stomach Bitters. Artificial Cheese. Artificial clieeae, made of one part oleomargarine and two parts skimmed milk, mixed to the consistency of cream, and subjected to the usual processes of manufacturing the general article, is the latest edible commodity contributed by Germany to the world. The cheese of the fatherland, however, is generally of too high a flavor for the uncultivated taste of foreigners, and the probability is that the new variety, by reason of its constituents, will attain the most ex­ alted rank in both taste and smell.-- New York Commercial Advertiser. THERE is said to be no profanity in Japan. This makes it clear that old John Robinson's circus has not yet struck that empire. ABOYK :.ll other earthly ills, 1 hate the hiir, olii-fanhioned pills; Hy slow degree* they downward wend, And often uause, or upward tend; With eueh difi om'.ovt are they fraught, Their eood efti ct * amount to naught. Now, I)r. Pierre prepares a pill That just exactly tills the bill-- A Pellet, rather, that is all-- A Pleasant Purgative, and small: fast try them as you feel their nod. You'll And that I apeak truth, Indeed. An extension table--the multiplication table.--Texas SifHmj*. Important. When you visit or leave New York City, sav j Bagsage Espremage and Carriage Hire, and stop at the Grand Union Hotel, opposite Grand Central Depot: 600 Elegant rooms fitted np at a cost of one million dollars, reduced to $1 and upwards per day. Europeau plan. Elevator, liestaurant supplied with the beat. Horse cabs, stage, aiid elevated railroad to all depots. Fami­ lies can live better for leas money at the Grand I niott thau at any llrat-elass hotel in the city. THOUGH barbers, like other men, can only vote once, they spend a grrat deal ef time around the polls. ; Free Homes. The attention of those desirtegliotnes in the richest and most fertile section of the Great Northwest is called to the unlimited advantages offered in "FREE HOMES KOK THK MILLION," on the great Elkliorn Valley line of railroad in North Nebraska. The best free Gov­ ernment land now available is found in that section of country, and everybody who has an idea of "going West" this spring should investigate the advan­ tages there ottered to new settlers. Round-trip Land Exploring tickets to Valentine. Neb., via the Chicago and Northwestern and Elkliorn A'alley lines are on sale at very low prices at all coupon railroad stations. For ad­ ditional information write to B. S. Hair, General Passenger Agent Chi­ cago and Northwestern K. K., Chicago, 111., or J. R. Buchanan, General Pas­ senger Agent Fremont, Elkhorn and Missouri Valley R. B., Missouri Valley, Iowa. It Will Cost You Nothing. "For what?" For a medical opinion in your cas* if you are Buttering from any chronic disease which your pbyslcan has failed to relievo or cure. "Irom whom?" From Drs. Starkey & Palen, 110a Olrard st., Philadelphia, dispensers of the Vitalizing Treatment by C«mpound Oxytren which is at­ tracting wide attention, and by which most remarkable cures in desperate chronic cases are being made. Writ i and ask them to furnish such iutormaiion in regard to their treatment as will enable you to get au intelligent idea of its nature nud action. K*r Throat Dlua«ra and Cough*. BROWN'S HHON< BIAUT»«H HKS, like all really good things, are frequently imitated. The genuine are sold only in boret. DON'T be dUcouraged lecause you have tried flity remedies for that, ueuralgla of yours, and failed to llnd telle.'. Athloplioros never fulls. It cured A. It. linker, of Host Harrison street. CMcago, and his wife, of the mopt severe cases of lonir standing. $*rice, fl per bottle, if your diy>agi*t hasn't It, scr.d to Athiophoros Co., IIJ WhII street, N. Y. If yon want a bright looklnit face and a skin rosy and clear, use itwuoii'* Sulphur Soap: all trace ot disease will disappear. JHfl'rie-e, '25 cents by Drungiats, or by mail of Win. Dreydoppel, Philadelphia, Pa. SEE LrMBKK Advertisement of Goo. Wood- ley In another column. He is lellable and responsible. RED STAR URE IVm from Opiates, mnd fttoim. A PROMPT, SAFE, SURE CURE kn Threat, H--n !•«•!, Ii1mu% CaUa. rimrkltk, Crav* Car*.*, Alltei, Qafatar, Pataa 1b Cheat, ©th«r •tftctloiu oftht Threat uid Lu«i. Price seeente a bottle. Sold br DrawUti anrt DciJ- ers. l\trUt.t unable to induct their dealer to jyrompttf net a for Utetn will rtxxiv* two boUle*,Exj>r*s* alarum paid, by tcxJUng on* doliar to Wigiun a. voasua COWAIT, The Kerala* Unas. It is said that a lady's stanttnf In society oan easily be determined by lift )r$W at the breakfast-table; an expew*I*e, afcenry cos­ tume indicating tjbat the wearer has not yet learned the proprieties. But no one need be afraid of being called "shoddy" Jf her love­ liness is as apparent by dayliaht-as at the hops. Perfect beauty is never the attendant of disease; above all, of those diseases peculiar to women, and which find a ready cure In Dr. Pierce's "Favorite Prescription." Price reduced to tl • By druggists. A SBOB manufacturing company is not a Spleiess corporation.--afercftant Traveler. THE "old reliable"--Dr. Sage's Catarrh Remedy. j MINT statistics--the number of juleps dis­ pensed bythe bartender.--Root on star. Horsforri'a Acid PhoAphatc, AS AN APPETIZER. Dr. Morris Gibbs, Howard City, Mich., says: "I am greatly pleased with it as a tonic; it Is an agreeable and go~>d appetizer." A ROIXKK-SKATE is a nloc skate, but in lee skate is not a roller-skate. DR. JOHN BULL'S SNM'sToicSyrij FOR THC OURS OP FEVER and AGUE Or CHILLS and FEVER, AND ALL MALARIAL DISEASES The proprietor of this selebratad mU> -eina justly slates for it a sapariarity eter all rsnediM avar oJbred to the aubue tu the SAW. CESIAUr, SPEEDY and TJMr KAHXXT sure ef Ague and fever, or Chills and Fever, whether of short er long stead­ ing. He refers to the eatixe Western and Southern oonntry to bear him testLnoay to the trath of the assertion that la ne ease whatever will it fell to sure if the line* tlons are strictly followed and carried oat. Xa a gnat many cases a single does has been aofioiant for a enre, and whole fluni- lies have been oured by a single bottle, with a perfect restoration of the general health. It is, hewever, prudent, and ia every ease mere certain te eare, if its ass is eeatiaaed in smaller doses for a week or two after the dUkass has been oheoked, more especially in difflsult and long-standing easss. Usu­ ally this medicine will not require aay aid to keep the bewels ia feed order. Should ths patient, however, reanire a cathartic msiioiae, after having taken three or four doses of the Tonic, a single dose of BULL'S VEGETABLE FAMIILt PXLL8 will be saf- latest. BULL'S aa«a»a»TT.T a y ths old sad reliable remedy for impurities of the blood aad Sorofaloas affections--the ling of i Blood Purifiers. I DR. JOH* BULL'S VEGETABLE W0BX I DE8TK0YER is prepared ia the form of | eaady drops, attractive te the sight aad f pleasant to the taste. > . DR. JOHN BULL'P ' SMITH'S TONIC SYRUP, BULL'S SARSAPAMLLA, ^ BULL'S WORM DESTROYER, • villi Popular Remedies of the Day* JMaelpal Offlce, Ml Main St., I.OUISTIM.K. KT. CREAM ULNGAJARR Cleanses the Head. Allaya Inflammation. •eala the Sores. Ke- Store* the Senaea of flute, SnuelT, Hearing. A POSITIVE CURE. CREAM BALM hss gained an enviable rep­ utation wherever known, displacing all other prep­ aration*. A particle is ap­ plied into each mmtril: no pain; agreeable to use. Price SOc. by mail or at drmwlst KLY BIAITHKBS, DRAFNRIATB.'OWN^O.'N. Y. HAY-FEVER St. Benrt for circular* He Who Becomes a Treasurer of Money for Another is Reepon- •ible for a Safe Return. How much more reaponsible la he who has in charnre the health and life of a human being. We have considered well the reeponsibllity. and in preparing our ALLEN'S LUNG BAL- S ABS,which for twenty-five years has been fa­ vorably known as one of the best and purest remedies for all Throat and Lnna Diseases, we are particular to use nothing but the beet ingre­ dients. NO OPIUM in any torni enters Its com­ position. It is to your interest to stand bv the old and tried remedy, ALLEN'S LUNG BAL­ KAN, and see that a bottle is always kept on hand for immediate use. HEAD THE FOLLOW- " NEW EVIDENCE: ADDISON. Pa., April 7.1883. I took a violent cold acd it Mettled on mr lunas. «o ranch HO that at timet* 1 gpit blood. ALIJCN'S BALHAM was rvoiiimenaed to me ax a good remedy. 1 took it, and am now sound and well. Yours respectfully, A. J. HIT.KMAS. ADDISON. Pa., April, 1883. A. J. COLBOM, Esq., Editor of the Nrimrriet Herald, writes: I ran recommend ALLEN'S I.UNG BALSAM as being the beat remedy for Colds and Coughs I ever used. ASTORIA, Ills.. April 6,1883. GentlemenI cau cheerfully aay your ALLEN'S LVNU BALSAM, which I have aold for the past fifteen yearn, sellx better than any cough remedy, and (fives erneral natiafaction. 'Tis frequently recommended j the medical profession here. Yours truly, H. C. MOONEY, Druggist. LA FATETTE, R. I.. Oct. 12,1884. GentlemenAllow me to say that after using three bottles of ALLEN'S LUNO BAL8AM for a bad attack of Bronchitis, 1 am entirely cured. I send this vol­ untarily. that those afflicted may lie benefited Yours respectfully. BURR1LL H. DAVIS. J. N. HARRIS & CO. (Limited) Props. GINCINNATI, OHIO. FOR SALE bj all MEDICINE DEALERS. jr| i ITfiran Treated and cured without the knife. I. A IVI. L K Book on treatment sent free. Addresa Uuil UXUlF. L.POND.MD., Anrora.Kane Co.. 111. PATCIITS Hand.Book FREE rA I Ell I I EARN TELEGRAPHY |B wages. VALKNTIXi: HH OPIUMS Mint Atfys, Waahington. D. C. Or Short Haml -- Here, and eeni bi^ IlKOS.. ,Jan«sv:lle. Win Ine Habit Cared In 19 ,JaT«. par till eared, . HncPHKN's. Lebanon, Ohio. fiCDUlli Cll VCD Key Check or Watch aenNMH Of Lien < 'harm, with jour nairio and address on, sent postpaid for 25c. Send postal note or ftamps. Address John H. strousc. Brookville, Pa. FAPEK BRICK " Box 1462. Pittsburgh. W AfOttrHINfenud CHbOKAL HA HITS KAMIl.Y CURED. BOOK FRKK. Ur. J. O. Hu«- man. Jelfrrwiii, AVIMOIUIU. KareriBK We Too much effort to the attention of Mffiiiijiii great value of Lydia K1 Compound aa a remedy fef fif women, and perhaps nothing la BWOWI than the testimony of those who' J|<^fre«ft L cured by it. Such an one is the eral Barringer, of Winston, we quote from the General's letter "Dear. Mrs. 1'inkham: Please aJMMt gte to add mjr testimony to th#> most medicinal qualities Of your Ti qi illplllj HOSI! pound. Mrs. Barringer was treated for aer- eral years for what the physkiMNl ffllBrl Leucorrhcpa and Prolapsus Uteri < I sent her to Bk-hmond, Va., where i mained lor six months under the 1 of an eminent Physician without any; nent benefit. She was induced to try year medicine, and, after a reasonable time, com­ menced to improve, and is nowafele to attend to her business and considerafeereelf f-Bm relieved." [General Barringer to the proprie­ tor of the American Hotel, Winston, n. C* and is widely known.] . A, HOME SUFFER^ CURED! j* *'T. I'm" '• '• '"4£ OPIUM rANTED LADIES or GENTLEMEN to take light, pleasant employment at their own homes; work sent by mail (distance no objection); $2to 95 * day can be quietly made: nocanvassinjf; no stamp tor >e- pjy Please at JdrcssGlobe Mfg. Co.Bostaa, Mass. Bos 3344 LUMBER* Qeoree Woodlry, Wholesale Lumber. S48 8 >nth Witer 8t., Chicago. I'l. will tuaii lus Al.rch catalogue to all who will scud their addijes-ieH. It contains valuable information for those contewplatiiui building. R. U. AWARE THAT Lorillard'8 Climax Plug bearing a red tin tag ; that lorlllatd'S KeaeLeaf line out; that LariUardt Xarf ciippinaa, and that LoHllard'a 9aaA,aie tea best aad cheapest, quality considered f ' CETROIT, MICH., MARCH I, HCM^ I%ALT BITTERS COMPAHY, DETROIT, MICH. GENTS: FOR A LONG TIME I HAD BEEN SUFFERING FROM NEURALGIA AND NERVOUS DEBILITY. MY WHOLE SYSTEM WAS COMPLETELY RUN DOWN. I COULD NOT EAT OR SLEEP; AT TIMES I FELT I SHOULD DIE. I TRIED DIF­ FERENT KINDS OF MEDICINES ADVER­ TISED AND RECOMMENDED FOR THESE AILMENTS, BUT FAILED TO GET RELIEF. ON THE 2D DAY OF JANUARY, 1885, I COMMENCED TAKING YOUR HOPS AND MALT BITTERS. THE FIRST BOTTLE RE­ LIEVED ME VERY MUCH ; THE SECOND ONE HAS CURED ME. I AM AS WELL TO DAY AS I EVER WAS. I CANNOT SAY TOO MUCH !N FAVOR OF YOUR GOOD MEDICINE. IT IS A WONDERFUL RE­ CONSTRUCTIVE AGENT. IT IS A GOD- SEwD TO THE SUFFERING. I MOST CHEERFULLY SEND YOU THIS TESTI­ MONIAL. AND RECOMMEND IT TO THE LIKE AFFLICTED, BELIEVING IT IS THE BEST MEDICINE THEY CAN USE. MRS C. E. McRAE. Seir-Prewnratlofi mtin's First U|̂ The old aaying, "a stlch la tlnp saves nine," can very appropriately be applied to the preservation oC health. Dr. GuyMktt's VelleW Dock und Sni-*aparllla hie. undoubtedly saved thousands of mOf** ; tals to lives of usefulness and the fujP : > enjoyment of perfect, robust health. The flret symptoms of bodily ailmenft ' 'should be heeded. Such evidences at *i'%• approaching prostration as a feeling ' Of weariness and lassitude, anxiety of inind,'peculiar aches and pains in ttft " ' 7 joints and limbs, disordered digestion, 1 urinary sediments, etc., should quid# \ ... ly be counteracted by a judicious uafr - , . or this invigorating strcngthener. .. * * A'; ; The remedy has stood a test ot: * t* forty years, and has proven itself ia every instance the best blood purity ;; fler, system renovator and strength^ ."J f ening coi dial that can be compound. , .1* \ ed from a thorough knowledge ot medicinal herbs and roots. Try it'whenever yon don't feel exactly well. Try it when thing*. . seem to go wrong and youhardl* know what is the matter with yon. * Yon will be gratified by its exhuar» ating effect. The exaberaam of f® V , animal spirits engendered by its ON-' • "V gives it first rank among the tnM assistants of nature in earing debtl* ' ° itating diseases. i? lafProcure the remedy of your 1 •!, • nearest druggist. If be haa none oa band, insist on his procuring It for you. />> not take a mbitUtUe. TFIE NEW BRACKET WARDR08E Holds 15 (rarmenta; made of poliahed haribapod; metal castings finished in old cola branae; nraaa trinniinRH: weight #V Price fa. Circular free. CO.. aft! BBOADWAV, NEW \ORK E WE L.A II AJLiZE. Kna^ciaTAgent, 17 Fraak-• lin street, P. O. Boi 1590, New \ork, Br •" Forwarder to ail parts of the country ot erery Hon ot I;<KH1» in large or amall ouaatitlM. FURNISHING OOOD8, CLOTHIXO. DOT BOOKS, STATION JKWI LKV. DttlXK.. . .. _ ING IMPLEMKNTS, ke., ke. Cortespoadetoa ited from families and regionalble private gar viBRATiKG TI;LKPHOHE. # Gives splendid satisAcdee. Na mr. bitant rental fee ta pay Sll^liwa rBaSBssm ! 1 within it* compass (sell*),eel refuodsd. Constructed M Bra Sfientifcc priaciplcs; works eabnty I Til<ratioa. T«o or threat smiths' •« til iee to ths Bell T< outright a complete l/ktotd] aad warranted to *ive s m*n*y nf*mded. ^ Telephaaaai bee. 1 be ordered direct K. T. J " 108 B. Division i imawase pceCts aadget aiid* they CSM do. NOJRMNI AAPS" invM. mealtaWMipm •ect Wwlma --e. CfacdHa Geo. E. Brown & Co. AUKOKA. ILL CLETEXJLHD BIT * ENGLISH DftllT HOI MBS. 0L8TKDf CATTLE* . twelve, able* na to procure from the aoat district, in Kigland aad Holland. Pf and terms liberal. MT8ead for II !nirue No. 15. gVllxirriox riruudd CThe OLDEST MEDICINE In the WOlLDie probably Dr. bate TfcMBDMft's U elebratsd E;i Walalf This article is a carefully prepared phyaicUn't pre­ scription. anil ha* twen lijtpniilaat oae for aetrty a century, aad notwitlMtaadlhc the nun* otherprepar- ations that have been introduced into the maiaet, the sale of this article ia constantly toeraanng. If the di­ rections are followed it will never fail. We MrUea- larly invite the attention of plunricfaaa to its merits. John L. TkornpMM, MM Jt Co., TROY. K. Y » a«AB» tuxta kTlTiim awaTlain. I haveaaoeltlve so thoa.aiid.of < itaadlar have IMs csral IB4N4. «sars»iha»HM la Its s&caey, that I wlit sea«TWO BOTTLBS Wl together with a TA UTABUTUATtSa ea tills «SMa loaaT salhror. Slntim«.Mlr O. nddr ML DR. T. A. SLOCtrX.lit hul St, Kew Tack No. 14--415 Many is beautiful, all but her skin; and nobody lias ever told her how easy it is to put beauty on the skin. Beauty on the skin is Magnolia Balm.- £-;' * • - < - ' • K '• ' • WHEN WRITING TO ADVKBTIgXWW ** Please aay jroa ww the aiwiHiiwwl In tlua paper. :W. i ' • J Men Thinlc they know all about Mustang Lk*» iment. Few da Not to kmm ilk not to have. * • , « - 4 ' f * v%,. -

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