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,mr HARDEN GAVkim^- W" ,2; drtraalmv holy Rrouni. •• ,.- nil back--I'm wary of your t|K ©Br squabbles, and your hate { J. i OMinAt enter in this watk-- •'«**" 7>y, ?®* B*. CHAHLta KAC*1^| ^ Stead bMk. bewildering political^,. i %• IVwptao.d my fpnc<>n round: . • PM« OH.With all your jiarty trie|j% : Nortreat m_v holy Rroun<1. «£<» I've closed my para, n cate. tRpad back, ye thoughts of trade and pelf 1 X have a refuge here; 1 fish to oommune with myself-- My mind i« out of g< ar. "Eheee bowers are sacred to the page * Of philo-opliic lore; Within these bounds no envies raje-- I've shut my garden door. ttand back. Frivolity and Show, It is a day of spring; X Want to see my rosea blow, . t ' And hear the blackbird sing. Xfrish to prune my apple trees, kit r i l l J . • A n d n a i l m y p e a c h e s s t r a i g h t ; * ®p>p to tho causeway, if you I've shut my garden gale. I have no room for each as you, My liouso is •omewhat small; Let Love come bore, and Friendship* trus-- i ll give them welcome all: thfy will not scorn my household stuff. Or criticise my store. •Mas on--the world is wide enough-- ,v I've shut my garden door. Bland biu-k, ye Pomps t and let me wear The liberty I feel. I have a coat at elbows bare-- I love its duhabillt. Within tli?se precincts let me rove With Nature, frea from state; Hera is no tinsel in the grove-- , I've shut my garden gate. Wliat boots con! inual glare and strife? I cannot always climb; I would not struggle all my life-- I need a breathing time. Pass on--I've sanctified these groanda To Friendship, Love, and Lore;1 Y« cannot come within the bounds-- • I've shut the garden door. CLAUDE BEVERLY'S RESCUE, ;i*rr BI H. £< *. turbulent stream. aa these memories run! ed ( That evening she came. Her face was through his mind, and the dark glram of pale, but still lovelv and love-inspirinift, his o>e and the earoastio curl of his tips .* ... .. ^ n- It was a dark, dreary day, near fhe close of " March. The slow, drizzling rain which had fallen unremittingly for two days had ceased but gray clouds still enveloped the earth, and the sun, which hung just above the horizon, made its presence known only by a faint illumination of the gray mist, which hung like a thick veil before it, shutting out its light and warmth. A mountain rivulet, swollen to unwonted proportions, was leaping in a cascade of yellow, mnddy water, and falling almost at the feet of a young man who stood on an overhanging bank, by the side of a huge boulder, wbich seemed to be held in the embrace of a gnarled and stunted 6hrub which grew from beneath it, and whose serpentine trunk clung close to its rough face, and afforded a support, without which the heavy stone must long since have found a place in the bed of the turbulent stream below. The young man's face was pale, his lips compressed, and his eyes gleamed with a •wild, strange light. In his mind he was living over again the past few years of his life. Rapidly the pictures came and vanished. Six years ago he rejoiced in the love of one of the most beautiful, and, as he thought, one of the purest of women. But his enraptured dreams were ruthlessly broken. He WPS a victim to the caprice of a vain and frivolous woman. Then, he was only a handsome young lawyer, whose only prospect of wealth was that which his profession might yield. Now, he was mas­ ter of a large property and unrivalled pros­ pects in his profession; and for a moment a smile of mingled scorn and triumph lit up his pale features. But the hard, desperate look came again, as he thought of his life since he lost faith in woman. He c-rrered his burning face with bis hands, when he remembered he had so far ignored his manhood as to toy with the affections of women. Deeming the sex incapable of constancy, he had won the affections of many, and watched with curious interest, if perchance he might detect some sign of pain when they became aware that their hearts had been trifled with. But at last he met one whose purity was so plainly stamped on every feature of the angelic face that he 6tood in awe and reverence. It was on a day in mid-winter during a heavy snow storm, as he was making his way down a broad though com­ paratively deserted thoroughfare leading to Broadway, and just as he passed a narrow alley he heard a smothered scream. Turn­ ing hastily into the alley he saw a woman struggling in the grasp of a ruffianly- looking man. He sprang forward and caught the villain by the throat and felled him to the earth. Then turning to the young lady, "Permit me," he said, lifting the trembling hand to his arm. For an instant a pale face of wondrous beauty was lifted to his own* and he saw iu the depths of those violet eyes tbe thanks which the trembling lips could not express. A thrill as of electricity shot through his frame, and the arm on which that little trembling hand rested trembled almost as violently, as he conducted hv to a stately mansion' on Fifth Avenue. As they ascended the steps he lifted his hat and said, "Pardon me, but toay we not know each other?" Again that face of star-like beauty was lifted, and a faint smile shed a lustre o'er the pale features, as, extending her hand with simple grace and modesty, she replied, "I am Daisy Leigh. 1 cannot find words to express my thanks, bat may the blessings of God reward you." Olaude Beverly's emotion was so great he forgot to give his own name, and, ringing the bell, he turned and walked hurriedly to his office. During the busy hours, days, and weeks that followed, he had little time to think; but often between his eyes and his paper there floated the image of a pure, delicate face, and a sense of shame and despair came into bis soul as he thought of his own unworthy, almost vile life. He worked with redoubled energy. Soeiety, which had courted and flattered him, saw him rarely. Feelmg contempt for himself, it seemed to him that everyone else must despise him. But the fashionable world is lenient toward such as he, and though cautious mammas shook their heads and said "wild boy," they smiled sweetly, and their tones implied more of approbation than reproof. But, determined to regain his own self-respect before he allowed himself to think of one so pure, he shut himself in his office and strove by incessant labor to banish the memories of the past. But when he would have closed his soul to everything else and give to that beautiful * image full possession, he found it occupied by two tiends which would not be diiven out, shame and remorse. He worked now from , sheer desperation. The long, gay, btiUiant winter was at last over. The snow had melted, leaving the streets full of black, slippery mud. Fog and mist and grav clouds hung over the city, and for two days a slow, drizzling rain had fallen, making everything wetter, blacker, and gloomier. Nature seemed to have gone into mourning, and the fashionable and business world seemed to be in full sympathy with her mood. Claude Beverly, made pale and thin by close confinement in his office, and with feverish craving for the excite­ ment of his work, was rendered almost frantic by this brief lull in business. The city became intolerable; he determined to leave it; where he went it mattered not to him. Accordingly he hurried to his hotel, prepared a small traveling bag with neces­ sary articles, hailed a cabs and bade the man drive to the nearest depot. Boarding a train, he was poon whirling out of the city and through a country whose beauties were shrouded in mist and fog. With clouded brow he sat in deep abstrac­ tion until, at a small station, the conductor announced that the train went no further than'the next station. Catching his trav­ eling bag he sprang from the train and walked leisurely down the street until he came to the one small hotel the little village afforded. He obtained lodgings, and after lEwtiflring of a frugal but very refreshing ad , walked out in search of amusement. Observing some high cliffs to the south of flu vfflSge, he walked in that direction and dlsocftayedthe brook whose turbid, foam- teg wAters had so fascinated his equally dis­ turbs! mind, and little dreaming of the flood gmag into tbe told of the conflicting emotions within him. Suddenly a voice front the opposite bank ealled in clear, distinct, sajrcpstic tones, * Claude Beverly, you are standing on dangerous ground,'1 Startled from his deep musings, he took a step forward. "That voice there!" he exclaimed, under his breath, and he bent forward and gazed wildly across1 the strehm. That mocking voice could belong to no other than the haughty, mocking face which gleam; d daz- slingly white in the burst of sunlight which, at this instant, flooded the earth and lit up the wild, haggard features of the suffering mun. That voice, that face, belonged to Belle Barclay, daughter of a very wealthy and aristocratic faiuilv of the city, and cousin to Daisy Lt'igli. with whom she was spend­ ing a few weeks. Already society had linked her name and Claude Beverly's, and the haughty young lady had been very conscious of the envious glance of her companiens. But since that day in mid­ winter when he rescued her fair cousin from the hands of a villain, she had Sben him only as he parsed her on the street. Again, cold, clt ar, and sharp, rang the words "Claude Beverly, you are standing on dangerous ground." His brain reeled. He staggered and caught at the tree for support. The ground trembled; blackness surrounded him. There was a plunge for­ ward, a terrible splash, and rock, shrub, and man were buntd in tbe seething wa­ ters. "Oh, she has killed him!" was the thought that flashed through Daisy's mind, as, with clasped hands and blanched cheeks, she stood and gazed upon-the turbid wateis where they had closed over him. But the nest instant a wild thrill shot through her frame as she saw his head appear above the water. The cur­ rent was b aring him rapidly down stream. She remembered that a short distance below was a little headland, extending nearly to tbe middleof the channel, and on its banks were willows whose branches drooped over the stream. But could she reach it before the current would bear him past? Tearing herself ft om the detaining arms of her haughty cousin, she flew toward the spot. A look of wild terror came into her face as she saw that it was submerged. Scarcely pausing in her rapid Might, she reached her decision. Guided by the rows of willows which grew on either bank, she darted forward and paused not until she reached the tree which stood at the extrem­ ity of the headland. Then, firmly grasp­ ing one of the drooping branches with one hand, she leaned over the little torrent and caught the hand of the drowning man with the other, and drew him to the shore. Then sitting on a rock which was a few inches nbor^the water, she drew his head into her lap and called to her cousin, whom she saw approaching, to hasten home and get help. Belle Barclay, frightened at seeing her gentle cousin, wtom she really loved, sit­ ting with her feet in the cold water, hast­ ened to her uncle's home and told them the startling news. The faces of the sturdy father and brothers paled as they heard of their loved one's danger. Snatching their hats they rushed to the river bank; the two boys lifted the apparently lifeless form of the young man and carried him home, while the father sup­ ported his trembling daughter. Not a word was spoken by any member of the little procession as they toiled homeward; but when the chilled bodies were placed in the beds which bad been hastily prepared for them, the icy limbs chafed until some warmih returned, and one of the boys had been dispatched for the physician, Mrs. Leigh turned to her niece and inquired how it all happened. Why," replied Belle, with as much in­ difference as he could assume, "I suppose I must have startled him. He was stand­ ing, apparently in deep meditation, near the edge of the bank, by the-fcreat boulder. I suppose he was not aware that there was a cave beneath him, and I called to him in warning. It gave way and he fell into the stream." "But how did Daisy get him ODt?".asked her aunt, breathlessly. "Why, she ran down the stream to that willow neck and caught him as he floated past, and the water three inches deep, too. I wonld not have done it. He might have drowned first." Mrs. Leigh shuddered as she heard the cold, unfeeling words. Although a pang pierced her heart as she thought of the pos­ sible consequences to her gentle daughter, yet the knowledge that her daughter could do so noble an act only rendered her thrice dear to that fond heart. ^ Then followed days of anxious watching. Not for the daughter; her constitution had not been impaired by fashionable dissipa­ tion, but possessed a buoyancy that would not ea«ily succumb; this, with her mother's excellent nursing, formed a strong bulwark which bade defiance to'the en­ croachments of fever, which, for a short time. Dashed her face and added a peculiar light to her lustrous eyes. But in this home, where love for God, love for each other, and love for humanity 1rere the principles that guided eaoh one. the stranger was eared for just as tenderly as one of their own number. Claude Beverly had been ambitions. He •had worked early and late, for he was de­ termined to stand at the head of his pro­ fession. He also wished to maintain his popularity in the fashionable world, and had been out until nearly morning many a night when he should have been gathering strength for the next day's labor. But since that memorable afternoon when he met Daisy Leigh, pure, modest, and lovely as her namesake, he had lost all desire for company, and had plunged so recklessly into work that herculean strength must have broken down under the long- continued pressure. Disease was reaching out its bony fingers. He felt its cold hand on his heart, and his blood crept in ' chilly waves to his very finger tips. A hot breath seemed scorching his brow and searing his brain. Thus far he had successfully re­ sisted the approach of disease; but this sudden shock had thrown him defenseless into the arms of the dread visitant. Fever had fastened upon him its relentless grip, and for days "and weeks he tossed and raved until strength was gone, and only low moans told of his agony. During those long days Daisy sat by his side very much, and held his thin, feverish hand in her own. for only in that way could he be quieted. Then the wild light would fade from his eyes, and he would talk in low tones of his mother, and murmur the prayer he had lisped at her knee. Then there seemed to dawn on his consciousness the great difference between his life now and his lif« then, and he would moan, "O mother, I did not mean to go so far wrong, but God only knows how I was tempted, how- hard I 'tried to do right, and how, in that hour of awful disappoint­ ment, I fell. In my despair I plunged recklessly into sin, and, O mother, can you ever love your boy again? Can God ever forgive me?" And then this suffering mtn thought there came to him an angel frotb heaven, bearing a message of pardon, as Daisy leaned over him and * said,- "God Ana mother will both forgive you if you tell them how sorry you are, and that you will always try to do right/' A glad smile lighted his face and a tear forced its way from under his closed eyelids. "Love, forgiveness," she heard him murmur, and then there were fragments of prayers and hymns that he had learned when a child. By degrees the fever left him and he sank into a heavy stupor; there were aftx lous faces in that household, and the question'* W ill he live?" was asked in low tones as the physician came out with grave face. "While there is life there is hope," he replied, "but if he has any friends they had better be summoned." The last word the sick man had uttered was "mother," and his eyes wandered fee­ bly about the room, but not finding the de­ sired object, they closed wearily. Farmer Leigh searched his pockets, and found worn and faded letter from his mother. * rom this her address was obtained, and a telegram was sex^t telling heir., to "ynw wf k soon if she would see her don. ' - • • • ' • H From every feature beamed the radiance of a mother's tender love. 8he sat down by Daisv, to whom he still clung, and minis­ tered to his wants an only loving mothers can. And then they remained, mother and Daisy, by his side, and went with him down into the valley of the shadow of death. Together they waited uutil they could no longer detect the heart throbs, and then Daisy went away and left the mother alone with her sorrow. But why was it there was such a sense of loss on her heart, as if something had been taken out of her life? as if something she had always possessed and fondly clung to had been suddenly torn from her? This was the question that presented itself to hor as she sat in a rustic chair on the lawn, with such a seus:» of loneliness and deso­ lation. which she did not realiz? until she was startled by a tear falling on her white hand. "Why all thiB?" she questioned, as she tried to still the wild throbbing of her heart, and then she closed her lips firmly and tried to evade the truth as the answer forced itself upon her. Had she presumed to allow her affections to go out to him un­ asked? No, she had not. It had all been doue without her knowledge or consent. But now he was gone, no one would ever know it, and she would try to forget it. Thus disposing of the question, she arose and gathered a few lilies to lay on his pil- rlow, and went softly to the darkened cham­ ber and rapped gently. Receiving no an­ swer. she pushed the door open and stepped into the room. The mother was kneeling by the bedside; as Daisy entered she arose. But what could it mean? Instead of sor­ row, joy beamed from every feature. She stepped forward and caught the wondering child to her heart, and whispered in her ear, "Daisy, he is not dead, he lives." " She started violently and looked at the pale face. Slowly the soft brown eyes unclosed, a smile lighted the wan face, •then the weary eyelids drooped and he slept. Convalescence was slow, and it was June before the invalid was able to walk into the garden. Then, with Daisy by his side, he strolled about and vie wed the beauti­ ful flowers and drank health from the pure air. At the lower end of the garden they rested on the rustic seat in the honey­ suckle arbor. She chatted gayly to him, trying to banish the sad expression from his brow, but at last she became conscious of the very earnest gaze of a pair of dark eyes. She stammered in great confusion. Catching both of the little hands in his own, he said, "Forgive me, Miss Leigh, I am very rude; you have tried so hard to make me happy, but there is only one thing that can make me perfectly happy; that is vour love. Forgive me, I ought not to have told you. I am not worthy of your love. But God has forgiven the past and by His help I will make myself all it is possible for me to become. And when I shall have proved myself worthy the love of a pure woman do you think you could learn to love me a little? Daisy, could you?" The hands trembled violently, and tho bright eyes suffused with tears were raised for a moment, but fell under that earnest gaze. "Daisy, could you?" was asked softly, and the answer "Yes" came low and sweet. "God bless you!" ho murmured as he raised the little hands to his lips. "I shall have much to live for and work for." The ne«t spring-time, standing very near the spot where he had stood on that event­ ful spring morning, with Daisy at bis side, and the glory of the setting sun shining all about them, he obtained her promise to be­ come his wife. And when June came with its wealth of flowers and sunshine, they were made man and wife. After a month of travel, Claude Beverly took his bride to his elegant city home, where she reigned a queen, not only in her own parlor, but in the society in which she mingled. And sometimes, when they were alone in their room, her husband would look at her with eyes beaming with delicrht, and tell he? that she was his guiding star, his angel who led him from dangerous ground. ' A talis of the mixes. SMILES. ASMILE" is another relish'.from the plum-pudding of our existence. MUMPS alone are a sufficient apology for not smiling. I know of no other. GIVE it an equal chance and the smil­ ing face in this world will beat a bob- tailed flush. A SMILE is the advance agent of the angels. That is the smile that cheers, barring the two-for-a-quarter smile. 'Tis said that those who play the ac­ cordion "never smile." The Lord knows I cannot be hard tipon the play­ ers* neighbors for a similar breach of good humor. THERE are women who do not smile, but they were blighted in yonthful af­ fections, and have since got mixied up with the wrong end of the procession and become mildewed. A LONG face and a cod-fish mouth are not indicatiods of piety, and I don't be­ lieve that any person can prove that they are--certainly not with an affidavit properly signed by the Creator. 8MILKS are said to date from Eden days, when Adam smiled because Eve stubbed her toe (figuratively Bpeaking), resulting in her dismissal from the garden, but because Adam had to go, too, is really where the laugh comes in. IT is said to be on record that a cer­ tain man who never smiled or spoke a kind woM to humanity couldn't be in­ terred at the advertised time after, death, because not a sufficient number of men could be secured for pall-bearers until a search warrant had been secured. Although H. W. Beecher, myself, and several other theologians have labored assiduously to discover the place of re­ cord of his assertion, we are still as much in the dark concerning the matter as our Brother Moses was after his light went out. Henry, however, says that although we cannot prove the re­ port to be true, yet he believes it is, and certainly hopes that it is.--La fag an, in Chicago Ledger. Names of Different Cuts of Beefc It is said that the sirloin of beef owes its name to King Charles the Second. He was dining upon a loin of beef, and being particularly pleased with it, asked the name of the joint. On being told, he Baid, "For its merits, then, I will knight it, and henceforth it shall be called 'Sir-Loin.'" Different ballads allude to it. In "The New Sir John Barleycorn" is this verse: "One Second Charles of fame faoeta. On loin of beef did dine; He held his «w>rd, ploas'd, o'er tha neat. Arise, thou famed Bir-loin." The name of porterhouse steak, uni* versally applied to a particular cut of beef in New York, arose in a peculiar manner. A man who kept a porter­ house used to buy a piece of beef and have it cut into small steaks, for con­ venience of serving them to his customers. They were seen by other purchasers at the butcher's und it became common to say, "Cut me some steak like you do for the porterhouse." Hence the name. A Precocions Kid. A lady living on Park Avenue has a very precocious 3-year-old boy. The other morning he was brought out to be paraded before a visitor. "Won't you come and kiaa me? sweetly asked the visitor. "No, indeed! Papa says you always smell of onions."--Maverick. : BIDD. Gagg, and Bigg are the mono- A. Mia«r Whoan Christian Hartal Citato Twenty Y<*r» After Death. Mr. Richard O'Keeffe, senior Com­ missioner of .Douglas County, passed the early year* of his life and met the first experiences of bread-winning in the mines of Cornwall. Everyone has read of those great labyrinths which undermine the southwest shores of En- land and penetrate miles outward be­ neath the sea, half wav toward the coast of France. Cornwall is given up to the traffic of the mines, and a Corn- ishman lives not but to be a miner. "I can tell you," said Mr. O'Keeffe, in tho course of a conversation with a re­ porter, "one of the most remarkable mining stories, to be an absolute fact, that I ever learned in my experience or read of in fiction or tho chronicles of facts. Although the first chapter oc­ curred before I was born, I remember very well the second." Pressed for a recital of the narrative, Mr. O'Keeffe yielded, and took up the thread of the tale with the cleverness of an experienced story-teller. "This is strictly a one-man story, and does not deal with wholesale sacrifices, although the facts are painful enough. Not far from Land's End, which is the southernmost extremity of England, and the last seen of the British shores on the transatlantic passage outward, there is a big mine which runs in part out under the sea. It is called the Dolcoth, and is the largest mine in all England, anc(, perhaps, then, in the world. It yields tin now at a depth of some three thousand feet, but in 1838, when my story begins, it was a copper- mine, on a level of 2,400 feet. In that year the copper played out, and, the mine ceasing to pay, it was 'knocked,' as the miners call it---closed up and the company dissolved. On the very day of the close a man whose name I have forgotten was shut up in his chamber. You see that in mining copper a man in striking a vein of mineral follows it to the end. In the course of time a miner moves away from the main passageway, and digs an independent tunnel, in which he works alone. This man had made a room about twenty feet deep when a neighboring miner fired a blast. The shot blew do1l-n the mouth of the cham­ ber in which the subject of my tale was working, and closed him in. Although the man was missed, his exact location was unknown, and the dissolution of the company left no one in authority to search for him. It was known that he was left in the mine, and as the days limiting hitman endurance under total privation passed, it was conceded that he was dead, and he was left to his tomb in the depths of the mine. Years passed, his widow mourned for him, and then ended her widowhood days by marrying again. Children were born to her second union and grew to advanc­ ing youth. Twenty-one years brought the time up to 1859. Nine years before another company had reopened the mine, and sinking lower, struck a tin bonanza. One day in '59 a specu­ lative miner wandering on the deserted copper level struck a thin streak of mineral, and with a pick started to fol­ low it. A few strokes sent the pick through loose mold and disclosed a cav­ ity in the earth. Tho miner soon cleared away the obstructing debris, and made an aperture, through which he entered. Lifting his lamp, its light fell directly upon the body of a man ly­ ing as in repose near the * mouth of the chamber. The discoverer summoned other miners, and one of the old hands recognized the features of the dead as those of the man imprisoned twenty- one years before. By some strange preservative power of the close atmos­ phere of the chamber the body re­ mained intact and bore the aspect of a man but a few hours dead. The l>ody was borne to the surface, and the free air and the sunlight quickly reduced it to dust. It was a remarkable phenome­ non, and one which I witnessed with my own eyes. The remains were care­ fully transferred to a coffin and buried in the cemetery with all the ceremonial offices of the church. At the grave stood the widow and five of the chil­ dren of her second marriage, the eldest almost grown."--Omaha Bee. Fun In a TUegraph Office. Said one of the Western Union Tele­ graph receivers: m 'Do you know that few people out­ side the doctors and telegraph Receivers realize how manv babies are born in the world? Why, tfiere isn't a day, Sun­ days included, that I don't handle from fifteen to twenty-five 'baby telegrams,' as we call 'em. By these I mean the telegraphic announcements of the advent of little strangers. There's a good deal of human nature in these messages. Of course they are usually sent to the little one's grandparents, and they take on all shades of exuberance from the wildly exalted ecstasy of a first-born to the cold, formal, and not infrequent announcement of the sixth. I will say, however, that after the second or third event of the kind the lightning is not drawn' on so recklessly. The slower process of the mails is considered enough for the emergency. The com­ ing of the first, however, is as sure to bring out an'excited telegram as that the sun shines. It is great fun to watch the senders of these first baby dis­ patches as they prepare them. A young father, comes in with a hurried step and an exultant, beaming face. He grabs a blank and dashes off something like this: 'Great news! Mary very ill. Fine boy!' Then he tears that up. Some­ how he doesn't want the rude tele­ grapher to know the name of the gen­ tle but happy sufferer, and he tries it again. 'Expected event realized--a lit­ tle girl; wife doing well.' 'But pshaw,' he says, 'that's rather a oold way to speak of her to her own father and mother. Wife, why of course she's wife, but I don't like that,' and he tears it up. Then he starts again, and this time he says: 'Confound • the tele­ grapher, he shan't know anything about it,'and he writes: 'It has dome--eight pounds--female. Mother all right.' He looks at it a minute and tears it up, with the remark: 'They won't know whether that means a Jersev calf or a Hambletonian colt.' By this time the young man has got into a sweat, and grabbing a pencil he dashes off: 'It's a girl. Mother doing nicely,' and after looking at that five or six minutes, and may be with a moistened eye, he signs his first name to it and hands it in. They're all about alike, these first young fathers. They're proud, and happy, and conscious, and yet they will do al­ most anything to conceal their identity. Sometimes the young man comes in showing signs that the great domestic »vent has been too much for him, and then I have to take the pencil and help him out, a*l1 do it in a practical way. I get the address and I simply write: 'The little stranger is here. It is a girl (or boy). Mother well,' and then the man pays over his half dollar and nearly pulls me through the window in his , fierce desire to have me go and give the Editorial Trials. The Bell made a small advertising contract the other day. The a<l was to go in thirteen times, top column, next to poetnf following and preceding pure marriage notices, paper sent regularly during life of contract, electrotype used, failures to insert made up, edi­ torial mention, electro underlaid, 3 mo., tf., e. o. w. d., & w. p. d. q., etc. No pay if these conditions were not lived up to. They now write us and say that "If you prefer it to cash we will send you the amount in Godfrey's anti-suc­ tion rubber composition." Godfrey's anti-suction rubber composition! After all these conditions to want to load us up with Godfrey's anti-suction rubber composition! Gall! fellow- mortals, gall!--EateUine (Dak.) Bell. We borrowed a mule and buggy last week Mid started out to stir up our de­ linquents. We rode twenty-five miles the first day, had our new hat smashed by coming in contact with an overhang­ ing limb, wore out a buggy whip that cost 00 cents, and collected $1.50 in cash and a bushel and a half of corn. The secoud day we rode twenty-two miles, missed our dinner, dunned' sev­ enteen of our beloved patrons, and didn't collect a cent. The third day we arose at 4 o'clock a. m., missed our breakfast, lost twenty minutes trying to wake up Jim'Alexander as we passed his house, rode twenty-four miles, and collected $4.50. The fourth day we traversed the whole country, iost a goose one of our friends had given us, and collected $3.50. We then came home, turned the mule out to die, and went to bed. If anybody wants to buy a good printing-office, with ample as­ sets and small liabilities, and large lati­ tude for fame, etc., we are prepared to offer a bargain. We have been tendered the position of night-clerk in a brick hotel in Arkansas, and would be glad to accept it if we can work off our pres­ ent enterprise on some unsuspecting citizen. In writing for information don't forget to inclose a stamp--that is if a reply is expected.--McDonough (Gto.) Weekly. Amblguong. A medical authority says raw oysters eaten before breakfast aid digestion. How can any one eat raw oysters l»efore breakfast? If one fats raw oysters in the morning one breaks one's fast. Moreover, after having eaten one's fill of raw oysters, why should one want any breakfast? To continue, do not raw oysters, when eaten the first thing in the morning, constitute a breakfast, and--. But there's something wrong about the matter. Somebody has l>een giving medical advice in ambiguous language. But, after all, that is noth­ ing singular.-- Boston Courier. The City of Pekin. There is an air of decay about Pekin which extends even to the temples. The number of its population is not ac­ curately known, but according to a Chi­ nese estimate, which is probably in ex­ cess, it is 1,300,000, of whom 900,000 reside in the Tartar and 400,(XX) in the Chinese city. There is no direct for­ eign trade with Pekin, and the foreign population is mode up of the mem­ bers of the various legations, the mari­ time customers, the professors of the college and the missionary body. A CAIUUAOK should Ite washed imme­ diately whenever it is returned home soiled. If wet mud is permitted to con­ tinue and dry upon the surface a white opaque spot will afterward indicate the place to which the dirt adhered. Again, a vehicle which is invariably left in its coat of filth until the subsequent morning always requires repainting and revarnishing many months before those carriages which receive proper care. He Was too Good. "I wish you would give me a situation, sir. I don't drink, smoke, chew, gam­ ble, play billiards, run after women--" "That's enough!" shouted the mer­ chant, "Barnum offers a reward for a man of your habits. Apply to him "-- Maverick. baby a bath. There Is great fun In a telegraph office when the baby business has been particularly good, J.#an a*» sure you."--Chicago Herald. ' • Irish Step-Dancing. Dancing is a favorite pastime among the Irish peasants, and there is no laok of dancing masters, who make their living by teaching the "step." Indeed, even people of position learn "step- dancing," such as jigs, reels, and horn­ pipes. Very pretty steps they are, and far more difficult to learn than the or­ dinary valse or polka, which, after all, have but one step, the chief thing being to dance that one step gracefully and smoothly. In a jig there are as many as twenty different steps, and each single step lias what is termed "its double," a somewhat similar step, but more com­ plicated than the single. To dance even five steps of the jig with their double requires, independently of the perfection only attained by practice, constant repetition and great exertion. To dance twenty steps and their double --in all about forty--straight through would be almost impossible, besides it would occupy too much time. Yet a different jig apparently could be danced by one person several times during the same evening, by doing say five steps each time. But you must begin a jig by dancing the "rising" steps--this rule never changing. The steps in a reel are not unlike those in a jig, and are much less tiring. Some months ago a very good dancing master came to our village in Ireland, and some friends of ours got private lessons in the "steps" from him during the day, the <»rening9, of course, being devoted to the working class. "Marvin" was a young man, not more than eiglit-and- twenty, I should think, and he had been for many years teaching the steps. The son of a respectable farmer, and having a wonderful taste for music and dancing, he could not settle to farm work or any trade, and, much against his parents' wishes, determined on be­ ing a teacher of dancing. Accordingly he was "bound" to a dancing master, and when he had learned enough to enable him to teach, did so. He went from village to village, staying from one to three months in each, just as he found he had pupils and it paid. The Court House or National school was generally given him, for one qeldom can get a large room in villages, and, besides, be­ yond a trifle to the keeper, there is lit­ tle expense attending. Marvin varied his fees according to those he taught, and all according to the size of" the vil­ lage, a smaller sum being accepted from the laborer than the shopkeeper or farmer--a shilling and one and sixpence being accepted weekly from the fcrmer for each one, while, two and sixpence, and even three shillings were paid by the latter.--Chambers' Journal. STDABT ROBSOM'A real name is Robert Stuart. lldent Barbarisms. Egypt had millions of slaves, who were treated as cattle. She made dwarfs of little children by Strapping them to boards, that no part of the body could grow except the head. Prisoners of war were often led along to bondage by wires passed through the tongue. ^Greece possessed many forms of barbarity. Borne had its black spots. If a master was found murdered and the murderer could not be detected all his slaves were liable to be put to death.* When Pedanius was secretly killed all his 400 slaves were put to death, that the one guilty might thus be certainly reached. Many slaves were chained to the doors where they stood as porters; many were put in jail each night. Often infirm old sliaves were exposed to perish upon an island in the Tiber. A Roman lady when of­ fended at some dressing maid would thrust her daggar, like a hairpin, into the servant's face or body. Flaminius ordered a slave killed in order to grat­ ify the scientific curiosity of some guest; Augustus crucified a slave for killing one of the King's quails. A master could sell a slave to be made combatant with wild beasts; Vedius Pollio, a Roman, aristocrat, built a grand villa upon a mountain near Naples, and after having made it an earthly paradise so far as external beauty could compass such ^ an end he named his home Pausilypum, a place where "care should ceasebut this word did not extend its import to the slaves of his palace, for when any one committed an offense he AV as chopped lip into food for the fish­ ponds. Dying, he gave his home to Augustus, but Augustus demolished the house because it had been the scene of so many cruelties. Here were the taunts of Virgil ; and all this belongs to what is called the golden age of Rome. Of old war no pen can tell its need­ less horrors. To conquer was not enough. Generals measured their fame by the completeness of the desola­ tion. Tacitus said of his own country­ men : "They make a solitude and call it peace." In some of the records of Hebrew history it was a matter of dis­ grace to a General in war to permit anything to live that belonged to the enemy. Little children formed a part of the common slaughter, and then the dumb brutes followed in the carnival. The sowing the ruins with salt ex­ pressed a wish that no grass or plant would survive the fury of the invader. Twas an insane wrath. When we read onward toward au epoch we find some mitigation of this horror, but our hearts ache still when we mark the brutal conduct of the Christains toward the Jews and toward each other. The inquisition, with its incredible tortures, was little else than a repetition on a small scale of the atrocities which the nations had once committed in the open day upon a colossal scale. It is littje to be won­ dered at that oa the confines of such a black past Colvin should have ordered the burning of Servetus; that Henry VIII. should have cut off the heads of many wives; that Elizabeth should have stained her hands in blood while she was busy with the new literature of the new era of Shakespeare, Bacon, Spencer, and Sidney; that Catherine de Medici should have put to death 52,- 000 persons in a single night--the larg­ est assasination upon record. Not very, amazing, for large as was the stream of learning which had flown down from Egypt and Arabia; large as was the stream of philosophy which had issued from the brains of Socrates and Plato; mighty as was the stream of the beautiful which rolled onward from Greece--the banks covered with flow­ ers, yet equally broad and swift was the river of blood, its banks without any verdure its current swollen by tears. This is that dismal, heart- sickening stream toward which an eye seldom turns, from whose memory tfie heart recoils--the Styx of our world, which flows black and sluggish nine times around human society as though to keep mercy's angels far away--a river- one drink from whose waters makes, as in days of fable, the heart cold and dead for a year.--Prof. David Swing. A Big Newspaper "Beat." Probably the smartest piece .of re­ porting during the war was Byington's "beat"' on the battle of Gettysburg, for he not only got reports to the Tribune a day in advance, but he actually furn­ ished to President Lincoln and his cab­ inet the first news that a battle had been fought. The Byington alluded to was A. H. Byington, of Norfolk, Conn., and is yet, for that matter, and he is as agile and pretty nearly as^young as ha was twenty years ago. He showed a good deal of sagacity in finding out about the movements of the armies on June 30, 1863, an(| he kept ahead of them in Pennsylvania. Stewart's cav- aly came along and scaled the farmers pretty nearly to death. They tore down the telegraph wires for ten miles around. Byington organized a squad and went out and repaired the gaps, •,lien he found a frightened operator with a disabled battery hidden under a bed, and by an extravagant offer of shekels induced him to drag it out and tune it up. They then hitched the battery and wire together, and at five o'clock while a squad of reb­ el cavelry was in sight on a distant hill, Byington telegraphed to tho President news of the battle of the day, signing his own name. Soon came reply from frorft the White House: "Dispatch about a battle received. Who are you?" Byington telegraphed back: "Ask Daddy Welles"--the affectionate famil­ iar for the patriarchal chief of the navy. Lincoln asked "Daddy Wells" and ob­ tained a satisfactoyry answer, for there soon came to Gettysburg another mes­ sage requesting the use of the wires for dispatches between the war department and General Meade. Byington acceded to the request-- which was equivalent to a military order, anyhow--but asked in return that his own dispatches to tho Tribune should have precedence. TJie President promised it. For the next two days the dihpatces of Byington and his staff went to the Tribune via the White House, in advance of all others, while a score of belated correspondents were galloping across the country with their news in search of a telegraph. It was a great "l>eat" at the time and was the talk of the country.--Journalist. Sonnd Logic. A lather shiftless sort of a fellow, who hangs around the saloons of a Texas town, was asked: "Why don't you marry and settle down?" "Well, I've got my reasons for it. The woman I want to marry must have lots of money, and be smart, but when 1 find a woman who has money, and who is willing to marry me, her willing­ ness to marry me is positive proof to my mind that she is litupid, and then, of course, she don't ̂ suit me. I want a smart woman tor a wife."--Texas Siftr inqt. • = gfTH AHP FOPIIV ATTCNOHKEBB have a nod way of !$»* ceiving ha« AN anomaly--Baked dog is sometimJHl an Indian meal. ? NUMBERED vrtth the passed--the mgg} who laid down his hand at poker.--<$/; Paul Herald. 1 Is IT proper to speak of a ship-load % emigrants coming from Cork as a con­ signment of Cork soles. CHICKEN-POX is a fowl disease, - bt$ small-pox is the variro-lord; and tl|e man thathasitistohepitted.--Goodai fo Sun. r TEACHEB--"Who was it that first sauk 'Property is robbery ?'" Boy--"I donl know. 1 suppose it was some fellow who didn t have any. "s-Texa* Siftinr)& BE thankful for what you have I-I- Democritufs. BE thankful for what you haven't--a toothache, for instance.' There is always some cause for beiite thankful.--Boston Courier. g * "THE evening star is trembling all the hill-top," wails an eastern poetw We judge by this that the evening star is married and isn't able to get his wife a new bonnet.--Newman Independent. A PRINTER who has caught with his arms around the ^aist of a young lady compositor, excused himself by saving that he was only teaching her the prin­ ciple of parenthesis marks.--Buffalo World. , . * "WHY IA the iid of this tureen." ' ' Quoth Fred, at wit's maturity, "Idke-C. Colnmbus, that did wean This country from obscurity? You give it up? BecRUBe you see, Because"--the artful hoveror-- "This lid, as you'll concedo to me, Is quite a great dirih-coverer. --Yonkera Gazette. WHEN word was brought to a mottier that her son Henry had been killed out west, she said: "I don't believe it, tor I just got a letter from Henry the other day and he didn't say a word about it." --Merchant Traveler. A CHICAGO boy has been found whose skin is as elastic as India rubber. It is believed that his conscience was given him wrong side out. That's the way- consciences are in Chicago, at any rate. --California Maverick. "THERE is no doubt but that walking is healthful," says an exchange. Of course there isn't. It is sometimes a great deal more healthful to walk thrpe blocks than it would be to call a red- nosed man a liar.--Chicago Ledger. THERE is a man in Michigan who it - the father of eighteen unmarried daughters. The wear and tear on the < old man's pocket-book keeping eighteen front gates supplied with hinges , must be something awful.--California Mav­ erick. A MORMON paper "can't recall a > single case where a Mormon husband has been killed by his wife." It doesn't surprise us. The woman who becomes one of the plural wives of a Mormon hasn't sufficient courage or ambition to kill anything.--Norristown Herald. HIS VACCINATION. Four little scratches on his arm. To keep him lrorn tha smaJl-pox's h&nib Four little scratches, but Oh I so sore, And when you touched htm how he swora. --!--i--j--i--i- n --Middle boro News. THE VASSAR GIRL'S DRILL. • Hark! tho sound I 'tis the bugls'i blare And the roll of the mustering arum; Now hear tho call, "Attention, there 1 Remove your chewing gum. Forward march! come girls, no pranks; Keep step there, it you please. Be still I no talking in the ranks-- Right shoulder shift-- chemise P --Boston Coitiirr. ' "I DON'T believe more than half he says." "What do you mean by that?*' "Didn't you hear him say just now that he could drink or leave it alone?" "Yes." "Well, I know he can drink-- everybody knows that--but I don't be­ lieve he can let it*alone; hanged if I do."--Chicago Ledger. A NEWS item says: "More men die in their beds than on railroad trains." But don't let this warryf,you. Don't forsake your bed for a railroad train. More people go to bed than on railroad trains. And, come to think about it, more people die under railroad trains than on them.--Norristown Herald. IN a recent book of traveling experi­ ences Colonel Johnson makes a Georgia man, who is crossing the ocean for the first time, tell what sort of things lia- imagined he had in his stomach when sea sickness came on. Here they are : "Toad frogs! Tadpoles! Pea vines! Old Totten fodder blades! Brass knobs! The reason I knew they were brass was, I smelt 'em. Watermelon rinds! Grub worms! Dish water! Scaly back lizards! Vinegar a thou­ sand years old! Stumps of mean cigars! Old roosters that died a| cholera! And, what you northern people know mighty little about, little niggers all greased up with pot liquor." --Brooklyn Times. A Burrowing Bird. A more quiet picture is afforded by the hill where the auks brood. They resemble the eider-duck in shape, ex­ cept that their bills are sharp and not flat, like those of the latter. There are three spices of them, which are dis­ tinguished from one another by tha length of the bill and its curvature. All three species live and brood in the same places. I was told of a mountain where a million of them had built their 'nests. I am sure of one thing--that no , man has ever seen a million of birds, even though he has traveled over half the earth. Doubting the accounts, I visited the described mountain. On a bright summer day my companion and myself took a boat and rowed toward it, over the smooth, transparent water, between beautiful islands, followed by the screeching of the startled gulls. High above us on a towering ridge we saw the watchful ospreys; by our side, on right and left, along the shore-cliffs, the sitting eider-ducks. Finally we came to the populous part of the moun­ tain, which is from 320 to 330 feet high, and saw really immense numbers of birds sitting on the ridges. The higher parts of the cone were covered with a brown spoonwort, and as we approached the shore the birds drew back thither, and suddenly <lisappeared from view as if by concerted agreement. When we had reached the shore and landed, and were wondering what had become of the hosts of birds, we found the ground burrowed all over with holes that looked like common rabbit holes. We soon learned that they were the entrances to tho nest-chambers of the auks. The holes are large enough to permit the birds to pass through, and then widen on the inside so as to give room for the nest and the two birds. As we climbed toward the height, thk tenants first carefully and anxiously peered at lis, then slipped out and threw themselves screaming into the sea, which was soon covered, as far as the eye could reacli^ with birds whose cry resembled the noise of a gigantic surf or of a raging storm.-- Popular Science Monthly. JOHN RUSSELL YOUNG says that Bi»- narck and Ben Butler look alike* -