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|hr«. r. whawwbi**• , ,r that wiw-.iiil'ili a < like nnijwb 1Mb, Utk hurl 4 elajr wotiM aoon l _ . Of life would comip and go, ----Ts here below bo faint and low »>• % of a Crystal Blwr'i wava. ; it of mr soot her"a lonely grave,,.'- »Qa*gak with its leaves ®*er the ffitpir •wtbaHly n'ar lifts DP its drooping bead, tlM pensive sighs of the gentle breeae ; mournfully through tb« Jmrfy troav all echo cams back on t he gentle bMH , . Of Immortality. £ dreamed Of that foreign oonntty aid, % %be»tbe Jordan itowfww aanda of gtM. JbKl tbe Tree of Lite, In ft* beauty, pvt. ~Wb«re the multitude passed in Grand Review, .And the sacred apot wbaM Jeans stood. • As tbe Apostle, John, with aacred wordjU" *fc;i •Gave to bitn t he type of tbe Father goo# ;Of immortality. >-1/ 3 ' . . Xdreamwi of Nature's bountiful gift. Of tniud to cultivate, and to lift <KUs mortal mind in path* of n#h|. yor victory's crown we'll win the fight 2nd sail o'er life's tempestuous, aea, bike Buul>eHiri8 t lirougli the open lea, _w _ _ IVhe dreamer's thoughts were soft and ffcttl Of immortality. )t dreamed that life would aoon be o'er, And toil with me would be no mora, . %#? And in the cold grave I must lie, . When the gentle breeze around would tigh, And the low, sweet song of the wbip-poor-Wilt Jfould float upon the air so still, ml a mournful dirge repeat at will •* •. -Yi1 -Of immortality; m AMERICAN 4 ^ m- A Sketch. i^<ig£p BY W. H. S. ATKINSON. T" i'M": like many another English village, ^'Sbe Tillage of Bolton in the parish of Bolton-cum-Lowerly in the East Rid­ ding of the County of York possessed a •beautiful parish church--the church of St. Evalina. This old church had been fcuilt some seven cenutries ago--in the '4ays when the skilful but patient old toonks themselves reared temples of of worship, not merely for their own ^se but for the service of mea and gen­ erations yet unborn. Thousands of #>urists every year left the beaten track >C»f travel on the railroads and the great highways to wander into the picturesque <dale of Bolton where, high above the Bed-tiled roofs of the handfnl of houses rwhich formed the little village, loomed massive, stately tower of the church None of the?e tourists disappointed, for it was in- masterpiece of architecture and handiwork. For 700 years had ^ 'thai battlemented Norman tower, with 5;s curfew bell, its weather vane and imdial, looked down upon the quaint illage and the fertile valley and it was •»i Calculated to inspire visitors with awe jjtoad admiration as they gazed upon its ^ y venerable gray stones laid one upon an- :>j, i , -Other to a height of 200 feet. •£«. The church itself was of great size, ' •' - «nd had it been supplied with chairs or t>enches it could easily have accommo- . ^Aated 1 ,500 people. As it was, the old i"X moth-eaten oak pews, huddled together ft hx one corner of the edifice would have been crowded with a congregation of 'V... l00, though tbe ancient pews were sel­ dom tasced, as not often were more than score of psopld thoro to hear the score '©f little surpliced boys who crouched, pfv SJtuaday after Sunday,in the high-backed ' aeats of the magnificent choir where in £ - 4|gee long sincepasfehad knelt the monks ^ %ith their cowls and rosaries. ; t' . It was indee ̂ a grand old church, .-{• ^hifingh wIiora rich and. rare staissd- glass windows streamed the dim religious Jight--a church which many a bishop &• p- S P.. Would be glad to have for his cathedral. \ tj> A few years ago the humble village % ^I^Bd, indeed, all the parish (which •emprised the whole of the dale of Bol- . loo) was stirred from center to circum- tJeresce by two rather extraordinary «. matters. First of all, some hold and daring - ^burglaries had taken place in the neigh- f . • ;^orhood. The noble residence of the Colby and the castle of Sir William Anthony had been entered and 4. , jnuch valuable jewelry as well as money »tolen. After these more important i'.ifrobberies there were some minor thefts ^ - * Tic.the village, ar-d tHbn. worst o£ all, .. - *>ne night the church of St. Evalina was 1 Jbroken into and all the rich and ancient fj,r, fiold and silver communion plate--re\- les of almost priceless value--was taken §» *way. .•»"* V ^ The village only boasted one police- anan, bxft an additional officer wm de- Y failedifom York to watch the village ;*;i; <®nd au the people in the neighborhood; ®h# Earl of Colby, who was the "great i. man" in the dale, was very wroth and Ihad a detective sent down from Scot- "*-* Yard, London, at his own expense. ^ mat no burglars were fonnd. ,* Now the old rector of Bolton-cum- "-Jjowerly had been dead some time, and vacancy had not been filled. '!.» •' ' A® is the custom in the church of Ct' - "^Qgland, the appointment of rector was T11 gift of an individual known as the Vpatron of the living," and the living of "••Bolton was a prequisite of the great family of Colby. The present Earl of •Colby was a progressive, liberal-minded s-»nan. He had been to other places be­ sides Bolton and the House of Lords. *ia^ "seen the world" in Paris, in ?ir*'ome' an<l in India, and had even '•ijshocked his family by making a tour , ^through the United States of America. While he was up in London on a • ^hort visit he ran across (that is, he met sihim at the ckb) a vei7 intelligent and %,'Yery witty American clergyman, the .• jfieverend Paul Deming, a gentleman *who seemed to have resided in just the I 'vei?^ places of interest which his lord- k ( oship had visited on the Western conti- nen^- The. Earl was delighted. He ' v took the Reverend Paul here, there, and ^' *'r®v«*ywhere, showing him the Bights %nd introducing him to all his friends. But one day Mr. Deming said, "my Lord, I am exceedingly sorry, but mv leave of absence is almost run out. 1 -have been here six weeks and in two more my congregation in Chicago will expect to see me in'my pulpit." But the Earl, who was eccentric, and who ' disliked to be thwarted, would not hetvr of Mr. Deming's departure. "My dear sir," he said, "you like this country and the people here--for you have said so--and we like you. Can't those American friends of yours spare ^ou ?' Why., look here, Deming; there my own parish church of Bolton without & rector. It is ft pleasant par- 'ish, with a comfortable rectory-house; <, the duties are light and the living is I "worth two thousand pounds a year Try it'for awhile, anyhow. I will in­ troduce you to the Archbishop and . straighten matters with him. If you -conclude to stay, he will install you, - never fear;.he is an old friend of mind ' -and will do anything for me." So after a little quibbling and argu­ ment, the Reverend Mr. Deming con- • eluded to go to Balton and see how he liked it. And this was the other excitement which etired np the good people of "Bolton--Jor.lfae Jiaadaome, clever and fascinating American preacher occupied the pulpit of St. Evalina's ehuroh on the (fat Sunday after the robbeiy of the •omntttffion plate. Everybody was charmed with the man who was soon to become tbair Beotor,ftiid his oratory was indeed OK ft high order. His sermons were masterpieces, both in matter and delivery*'Mid the only pity seemed that so splendid a preacher should bury his marvelou gifts in an out-of-the-way place like Bolton-oum- Lowerly. Everybody talked about Mr. Dem- ings' elpqnenoe, and everybody hoped that he would stay, But the clergy man, as a matter of fact, had told the Earl (whose guest he was) that he could not stay--that he had merely secured an additional month's vacation, by per­ mission of his vestry » Chicago, and that he would have fib start for home very soon. The villagers were all agog, and were eager for the next Sabbath to oome round. Even although rich old farmer Griggs was robbed of £1,000 by the mysterious burglar during the week, the American clergyman still arroused the most interest, and for the first time in a generation the old oak pews were completely filled when the second Sun­ day morning service commenced. The preacher was more eloquent than ever, and the Earl of Colby and all his neighbors were Eiore iatuui than ever upon pursuading Mr. Deming to stay. li was 6 o'clock on a lovely Sabbath evening in September. The bell call­ ing to evensong had ceased ringing aud the score of little white-stoled boys, Ted by the music of the organ, were march­ ing up the aisle of the old church singing a processional hymn. In their rear walked the Reverend Paul Deming, whose fine, open countenance and splen­ did physique would have been re­ marked in a much larger crowd. As he walked with solemn tread, his hands clasping the prayer book and his eyes fixed upward, he was the observed of all observers. Mingled with the villagers were two strangers. One was known to the Earl of Colby as the detective from Scotland Yard, the other was a stranger to every­ one in the congregation--the Earl put­ ting him down, mentally, as one who strolled over from one of the outlying villages to hear the new preacher, while the detective from London dreamed of burglars and kept his eye on the little gray-haired man so that he might know him again. Throughout the solemn eventide the service proceeded--the busy service (for the preacher) of an Anglican Ritualistio church. Just before the sermon the preacher for the first time caught a glimpse of the gray-haired stranger, and a curious quiver passed over his features. It was only momentarily, however. He fum­ bled a little under his surplice, then laid upon the desk before him a small article which flashed once in the lamp­ light and at once proceeded to announce his text. It was a strange sermon, abounding in the most remarkable eloquence which, in all the seven centuries of its existence had ever resounded through the walls and aisles of the old church. Cer­ tainly the people who were there never forgot it in all their after lives. ^ie sermon was ended, and the peo- ple'stood still waiting for the benedic­ tion. The minister also stood as he had finished the sermon, only that his head was slightly bent while he leaned against the desk. For three minutes the people waited--three min­ utes which, in that solemn stillness, seemed like three hours. Then the quiet stranger walked quickly up to the pulpit, and laid his band on the preacher's shoulder. He muttered these words: "Dead, by Heaven! Cheated at the last!" The Rev. Paul Deming was indeed dead, and the article that had flashed and which now lay upon the desk was a Smith and Wesson revolver. "My Lord," Baid the little stranger to the Earl, a few moments later, umy name is Sharp--of Pinkerton and Com­ pany, Chicago. The man who died in yonder pulpit of heart disease was known across the water as Cute Car- naby--the cleverest fraud and burglar in tbe world. He has worked the clergyman racket for years; between you and me, he robbed your house and the church." n WAS wit* aw aMMSteDttaWait** Ool It was a State election in Alabama, writes M. Quad, and anumfi the o»»wd filling the little town wb#re x * to be stopping were some <gue«r ters. Among the queerest werfe an man and his son--the father about sixty years old, the son about to cast his first vote. The boy had primed up pretty well, and by 10 o'olook in tiMt forenoon he was saying: i "Father, git tea men to hold me, fur if I turn loose this town won't be whar!" , "Be calm, Jonas, be oalm," ad the old man, as he patted him on shoulder. "Whoop; yi! yil Whar's the cn as was saying he will challenge my vote?" "Thar's no critter saying anythi of the sort, Jonas. Jist ba quie' Don't be raising' your voice too xuuoh. • Jonas circulated around for awhi! took another drink and then came bat to the tareru steps and said: "Father, I've got to turn loose/ . •*. "Shoo! Jonas!" "But I her. Fm a goin' to out loose and go fur the hull crowd, fur I can't hold myself no longer." At that moment a Turk or Bohemian or foreigner of some sort came n.*» with >g e||pi or th« deoftmjwiitlon dis* after interment have same disease to the Njtii" lt>jfrowing evil and a 7 imeroaeh upon the do- jtettandT their uses. They Kir and the water. One ten revels out its little earth, passes away and „ a succeeding one. But oemetertjy- seeiti designed to endure fore,velft" -f*lfty millions of people in our OW» l«ft&*ilk the earth to-day. Where ^ " they b^ laid, and where the mil- "the next succeeding gerera- 1 The moving tides of living hu- will be turned from their chan- the advancing armies Sir Henry Thompson: "No dead ever placed in the soil without the earth, the air, and the wa­ nd about it." experiments of Pasteur and " rtre shown that earth-worms the surface myriads of bacte- the Jtadies of decomposing HIS HALO DIDST FFR Ms Life for His' Friends. In the year 1874 Joseph Raymond and Robert Whiteley were engaged by Mr. Herbert Caddington, a well-to-do farmer of Central Illinois, to Bink a twenty-foot well. They had got the well finished and were coming out of it for the last time, Joseph Raymond be­ ing the first and Whiteley closely follow­ ing, when the ladder gave way in the center. Raymond, who was almost at the top, seized a three by four plank that was stretched across the top of the well, and Whiteley caught hold of Ray­ mond's knees. They hung in this position from 6 o'clock to 3:30, shouting and calling for help until they were hoarse. But no help eame. They had given up all hope of being rescued, and had come to the conclusion th^t they would soon have to drop. Raymond's hold was slipping, he had no chance of Beizing another, and his knees were pinned close together by Whiteley's arms. Every time they spoke or made the slightest movement it would give mo­ tion to their bodies, and this made it still harder to keep a hold. At length when it seemed they conld hold on no longer Whiteley addressed Raymond: "Joe," he said, "do you think you could get on top if I'd let go?" t "Yes, Bob;*! said Raymond, "I think I could." . ' * "Well,"eaid Whiteley, "here goes, then. Good-bye, Joe, and may God bless you," and with that he dropped to the ground, his head struck a sharp rock and he was instantly killed. Ray­ mond reached the top, and when last heard of was in Erie.--Philadelphia Press. • . k Carious Puzzle. The following is a very curious pus- zle: Open a book at random and Belect a word within the first ten lines, and within the tenth word from the end of the line. Mark the word. Now double the number of the pane and multiply the' sum by five. Then add twenty. Then add the number of the line you have selected. Then add five. Multi­ ply the sum by ten. Add the number Of the word in the line. From this sum subtract 250, and the remainder will in­ dicate in the unit column the number of the word; in the ten column the num­ ber of the line, and .the remaining fig­ ures the number of the page.--Boston Gazette; r , THE beat way to incite your neighbor to do good wotfA is to set him {be «&- ample. « uanu uuU im aruict&y and I saw a new idea strike Jonas like a landslide. The father saw ijb fc>, and he protested: "Nowi Jonas, doan' make n» critter of yo'seW. You jist let that b!at alone." "Pop, I'm gwine to clinch him. He's altogether too funny fur this yere lo­ cality." "You'll git busted, Jonas, Ba'rs is onery varmints." . "Got to do it, pap. Fm bubblin' up like bilin' soap Buds, and snmthin' h&* got ter be done or the biler will give way. Stand back! Whoopee!" Every citizen of the town heard his yelL The bear was about five rods away, going through a walte, and he stopped his movements to see what was going to happen. Jonas made a bee line for him, and, as he came within six feet, he rose in the air and came down astride of Bruin and grabbed him by the ears and yelled. "America agin the hull airth! Whoop!" It was in the middle of the street and the street was dusty. Therefore I can't swear as to what took place during the next two minutes. When the foreigner pulled his bear off there was a bundle of something lying in the dust. It looked like old clothes, but it turned out to be Jonas. He wasn't saying a word. He didn't know it when the fa­ ther and two others lifted him over against the fence and got water from the town well to pour over him. It was a full quarter of an hour before he opened his eyes and faintly asked: "Father, did I clean out the hull crowd?" "No, Jonas. Yon tackled that b'ar agin my advice." "And kerwolloped him?" "Skeercely. Yu've dun got the wust maulin' ever heard of." "Licked?" "I should obsarve. You's bit, olawed, knocked, rolled, paralyzed and broke, and you won't be fit to work fur a month. Jonas, you's a critter, a pore fule of a critter and if this don't take the swelling outer your head I'm gwine to hire a nigger and a maul to knoek it off. Say, Baker, kin you load this crit­ ter into yer cart and tote him out home?" __________ The Conversation of Deaf Mutes. There were two of them together when I saw them on Broadway the other day--a young man and woman. There was nothing in their appearance to attract special notice as they stood together looking into one of the store windows. What drew my attention to them was the approach of another young man, who politely raised his hat to the young lady and shook hands with her companion. I was quite near them at the time, but heard no words of salu­ tation exchanged. I saw, instead, much rapid gesticulation of hands and twirl­ ing of fingers and grimaces of the countenances that were as quick as they were varied. The three stood together for a moment, and then started up Broadway with the young woman in the center, and as they walked along she was kept busy turning her face, now to one of her companions and then to the other, and such smiling, grimacing, and rapid passing of hands and twirling of fingers! I also noticed that the young lady wore black kid gloves. Passers by looked at the party curiously, but they gave them no heed. They crossed Broadway at Maiden Lane, where they stopped for an instant, and there, after more hand shaking and silent but ex­ pressive adieus, one of the young men raised his hat, bowed, and proceeded up the street, and the others in the direction of the depot. These people were deaf mutes. Their ears were sealed, and their tongues tied. Melodious sound and discordant clamor were alike to them--nothing, for they could hear neither. The silver thread of speech was, to them, a mys­ terious, unbreakable knot that would would never untie, but hands and eyes had they, and what service they did perform! There was no hesitancy, no confusion, and it seemed as though one's motions could be more eloquent than the others, for there was a warm glow on the cheek of the young woman--I saw that--and had I been disposed to be rude I might also have seen a warmer look in her dark eyes too, as the young man bade her adieu at the corner, and he didn't make many mo­ tions eithjer.--Albany Argun. " ' ---------- ---*• / ̂ \ * Cremation. 5 >r *'• From a papwr read before t&e San Diego Society of Natural History, by G. W. Barnes, M. D., and published in the West American Scientist, we make a few extracts: First. Reasons based on sanitary grounds are most potent. The earth is the most c<nvenient depository for put­ ting out of sight whatever is offensive or deleteriou ^ r oannot be tolerated above its surface. The aoil is not, however, always destructive, but often preserva­ tive of the products of animal aud vege­ table decomposition. It is more than a probability that pestilential diseases are by earth-bnrial transmitted from one generation to another, and thus perpetu­ ated indefinitely. If the seeds of plants can be preserved for centuries, and then under favoring conditions be made to germinate and reproduce their kind, so the germs of contagious diseases after having been entombed for ages may be waifaied into life under suitable environ- meiit, and spread contagion among the living. To this source may often be at­ tributed the sudden outbreak of epi­ demics and the occurrence of forms of disease not previously known in the locality, Evidence is -not wanting that bodies which had perished from vtfoct- , No successful means of counteracting these destructive agencies have been discovered. All known disinfectants are unAer somo circumstances imperfect and unreliable, or of difficult or impossible greatest reliance has been placed are too otten only deodorants. " The only true disinfectant is fire. Correct prin­ ciples of cleanliness require that filth likely to become daDgerous which can­ not be otherwise perfectly destroyed, should be burned. This value of "this principle in the sanitation of cities, is so well recognized that methods are being introduced of destroying by fire garbage and all animal and all vegetable sub­ stances liable to decay. ; jj."1?? Tin Latest Danger, *'Scf$hce no doubt is a great thS%) j&d we should do all we caa to encourage science to keep right on. At the same time, like everything else, science has its discrepancies, and one of them is the discoveries it makes in regard to the adulteration of food. As things stand now, , it is almost im­ possible for anybody who reads the papers to enjoy his food or drink. If he wants a cup of tea, he remem­ bers, as he puts it in his mouth, that he has read that tea contains tannin, which, when mixed with milk, forms a kind of leather which stays in the stomach refuses to be digested. Chronic dys­ pepsia is the least of many diseases that are sure to follow the irrigation of the stomach with tea. There are various sanitary objections to coffee; and, as far as tobacco is con­ cerned, according to the scientists, the man who indulges in it is doomed. Fortunately, every once in a while, we are reassured by reading that somebody has died at 107 years of age who smoked tobacco and drank coffee all his life, up to the very last moment. _ We read that whisky and othfer liquors contain such quantities of rank poison that, if the stimulating fluid were poured on a piece of sheet iron, it would eafc a hole through it in a comparatively short time. These tidings are calculated to throw a wet blanket over the social gathering, and to cause even the mod­ erate drinker to pause in his downward career. The man who takep no exercise is warned that he is not long for this life, but he cheers up when he reads that somebody who has been bed-ridden for fifty-nine years has' died at the age of ninety-six. • Not long since the public was warned not to drink any but distilled "waters. Last week, another scientist who has made the subject a study, positively as­ serts that while he unearthed .3,976 kinds of bacteriee in distilled water, he was only able ta capture 473 types of bacteriso in ordinary Croton water. And now comes still another scientist, who seems determined to ruin the peace of mind ol the average journalist. He asserts that "the deadliest of bacteriee live and multiply in the bank notes we handle; that there is no viler article that we touch than a bank note." He goes on to say that, "carried in the pockets of the most leprous and loath­ some, it passes through the hand and pocket of the most refined. We could not be induced to put on the shirt of a tramp, but the money of the diseased and contaminated goes without a thought into our inner pocket. What diseases we hug we do not think or care," etc., etc. This is all very well, but we shall continue to take the risks in receiving subscriptions for Texas Sif tings. The genial editor of the Pittsburgh Chronicle and Telegraph thus knocks endways this latest hallucination of the scientist with the bulging brow: "But it is a fact, nevertheless, that the men who handle money as a regular business, tbe officers and clerks of banks, are on the average as healthy as the poorest man in the community, who has but small opportunity to contract the dread diseases lying concealed in the deadly, dirty bank note, and who would gladly take still greater risks of contagion than he now assumes.*-- Texas Siftings. Legal Perception. "So you want to make an assign­ ment?" said the lawyer to the whole­ sale merchant who had sent for him. "Yes, sir." "What stock have yon on hand?" "The clerk is making an inventory now. We got in a consignment of cheele yesterday." , sr , - "Limburger? 4iv;'^ V\k 4*./ "Yes," , "Hum! Perhaps we may alii* to p^y 100 scents on the dollar." mmnf tm senior e**.. tim and KIT New Ytorlk Cangre "I dottt S6e why Bfcm Cox should at- taek mefs he hiw done in tbe Times of this Morning," eatd Hon. W. D. Kelley, the father of the House, just after the passage of his tunotts tariff bill. "All otheit have been (xmgratnlating me, and Oox is the Ia»t man I'd have expected to publicly critioiae me." "Why, you onghtto understand that," remarked Congressman Thomas, of Illi­ nois. ^ "Sam is in the condition of the man in Heaven who was not satisfied. A friend of Ms came to Heaven one day, met him and asked how he liked the Eternal Home." "I'm not altogether pleased," he re­ plied. "I caught cold coming over the river, the damp clouds gave me rheu­ matism, and, as I came through the gate, one of my wings struck it and roke. It hasn't healed up yet; and be­ sides, my halo don't fit ma* "That is what is the matter with Cox. His halo don't fit him. _ Just as he finished the story and a little coterie in the hotel corridor com­ menced to laugh a newspaper man glided quietly away, writing notas as he went. The next morning the World had the halo story, and the laugh was on Sunset Cox for a long time. A few i ft a I IIao- brosses street ferry to New York, Capt. Thomas met Mr. Cox, who took him by the arm °nd led him back to be in­ troduced xo Mrs. Cox. Immediately after the introduction that bright little woman said: "Is this the man who told that halo story on you, Sam?r Her distinguished husband laughed his as­ sent, and she said: ."Sit right down ' here beside me, Capt. Thomas, abd tell that story. I know you can tell it better than the newspaper man can write it. Sam's halo don't always fit him, and I want to hear the story." Mr. Cox good-naturedly said: "Go ahead and tell her, Thomas; but I'm going out in front of the boat to smoke, for I don't want to hear it on myself." These public men usually like to hear good stories, even if they are about themselves; but Sunset Cox didn't want to have that story told to his wife in his presence, or, rather, he pretended that he didn't. Easy SdraUHe Experiments, •Pjiatipg. home-made AMD CMWISB. Romantic. They waltzed and waltzed along to­ gether, the romantic young man and his love partner from Baltimore. "Ah!" he exclaimed, with suppressed passion, "is not this divine. Could you not dance and dance forever to the rhythmic flow of that music ?" "Yes," she replied softly, with a deep, long-drawn sigh, "but it does shake one's dinner up so.*--Harvard Lam­ poon. Safe from ( npW's Darts ^idtor (at studio)--I do not see how ah artist could paint such a beautiful woman without falling in love with her. Great Artist.--I assure - you, madam, that while painting tha^picturis I never once though of love. • "Is it possible ?" "Yes. You see the model wah my wife.--New York Weekly. EIFFEL is said to have gained the first idea of the tower which bears his name from sitting behind an American woman in an American theater. A BABY may be likened to a book, OF which the mother m the auikor Sad the father the orttic. No Objections to Children ̂ Fond Mother (accompanied by small son)--I see you take children at this hotel? Summer Hotel Proprietor (glancing genially, at many little boarders)--Oh, yes, madam, of course. How do you do, my little man ? Small Cherub--Noneo' your bus'neas. Fond Mother--Oh, baby, you .should not speak so to the gentleman. Cherub--I will. / Fond Mother--Bless his 'ittle heart, don't ee know ee shouldn't speak so to mamma? Say, 'Fm very well,' to the nice gentleman. Cherub--I won't. Fond Mother--Mercy! Don't throw your ball that way. You'll break a window. Children are so innocent and joyful that Proprietor--I beg your pardon, madam; 1 said we took children, and we do; but it is my duty to warn you that we have measles, and hooping-cough, and chicken pox, and scarlet fever, and small-pox in the hotel, and five children have .something that looks like Asiatic cholera Thank fate, she's crone,-- JSew York Weekly. " ^ 4 1 Anecdote with a Moral. As a woman was walking, a man looked at her and followed her. "Why do you follow me?" asked the woman. "Because I have fallen in loVe with you!" was the reply. "Why are you in love with me?" said the woman. "My sister is much hand­ somer, she is coming after me; go and make love to her.- The man turned back and saw a wo­ man with an ugly face; being greatly displeased, he turned to the first woman and said: "Why did you tell me a falsehood?" "Neither did you speak the truth," replied the woman, "for if you wer« really in love with me, why did you leave me to look upon my sister." "Was Wast Sie HnbenP* The latest of the "sells" that result in the "sold" buying the drinks for the crowd is perhaps the cleverest. The man with the sell has a confederate in the crowd with which the victim is talk­ ing. He says to the confederate, "I wai right about that thing we were talking about." The confederate, as if renew­ ing an old discussion, contradicts this, and the victim is asked to decide. Then the schemer says: "What we were talking about was this: What is the exact meaning of the German sen* tence, Was wast sie haben?" Th« victim, proud of his limited knowledge of German, says: "What will yon have?" Then the crowd orders the drinks on him.-- Washington Critic. He Conldn't Pull tbe Wool Over Hei Eyes. "Charlotte, my dear, how is it I find you weeping ? Have you had news from Jour husband ?" "Oh! worse than that. Iy Arthur writes me from Karlsbad that he would die with ardent longing for me were it not that he could gaze affectionately at my picture and covei it with a thousand kisses every day/ "That is really very nice of him, and pray, is it that you are crying for ? 1 would give anything to have such a poetic and tenderly loving husband ae you have!" " Ah, yes, my Arthur is very poetical; but let me tell you that, just to try him, I slipped my mother's photc into his traveling bag instead of my own just before he started." Why He Wanted to Move* Jack Borrowit--I think I'll have to move next week, Mrs. Pancake. Mrs. Pancake--Why, Mr. Borrowit, haven't I always treated you with the greatest consideration? If your money wasn't ready, I've been willing to wait a day or two. "I know it ma'am^ but you've put in the room over me a family with two small children, and next door a man who plays the banjo."--Texas Siftings. A GERMAK medical journal reports the case of an infant, of healthy parent­ age, that developed symptoms of tuber­ culosis by drawing its nourishment from a wet nurse who was suffering from consumption of the lungs. This, though the first, carefully recorded case of the kind is probably but one of thousands that have occurred. Human beings have become tuberculous from drink­ ing milk of diseased cows, and the analagous method of infection by wet nursing should be gp#rded against.-- Dr. Foate's Health Monthly. THE grocer's right of weight is one of the most important adjunt« of his boai- Oerehaibt TravetqrC *"> takinga^aaeoraMUetand the interior a Hme common MH atid water. In a day or two a slight mist will be seen upon the glass, which hourly will increase, until in a very short time the glass will present a beautiful appearance, being enlarged to twice its thiokneea and cover with beau­ tiful salt crystals, packed one upon an- >ther, like some peottliar fringns or an­ imal growth. A dish should be placed beneath the glass, as the crystals will run over. The color of the crystals may be shanged by placing in the salt and wa­ ter some common red ink or a spoonful of blueing; this will be absorbed and the white surface covered with exoui- «te tints. No more simple method of producing inexpensive or beautiful ornaments can be imagined, and by using different shapes of vases and shades an endless variety of beautiful forms can be pro­ duced. The glass should be placed where thejre is plenty of warmth and sunlight. Another scientific experiment which mav interest some of the older, as well as the younger, members of the family may lie made by suspending from the OflilitW' Ift whwll 1 > n ^ nyjYioUslT been soakea in very salt water and tiien dried. To this fasten a light ring and an­ nounce that you are about to burn the thread without making the ring fall. The thread will burn, it is true, but the ashes it leaved are composed of crystals of salt and their cohesion is strong enough to sustain the light weight of the ring attached to the thread. Another form of the same experi­ ment is to make a little hammock of muslin to be suspended by four threads, and after having soaked this in salted water and dried it as before directed, to place in it an empty egg-shell. Set the hammock on fire; the mus­ lin will be consumed and the flame reach the threads which hold it without the egg falling from its frail support. With great care you may sucoeed in performing the experiment with- a full fgg in place of an empty shell, taking the precaution, however, to have it pre­ viously hard boiled, that you may es­ cape an omelet in case of failure. Another various experiment is that of putting an egg into a bottle without breaking the shell. Soak the egg, which - must be fresh, for several days in strong vinegar. The acid of the vin­ egar will eat the lime of the shell, so that while the egg looks the same it is really very soft. Only a little care is required to press the egg into the bottle. When this is done fill it half full of lime water and let it stand. The shell will absorb the lime and become hard again, and after the lime water is poured off you have the curious spectacle of an egg the size usual in a small-necked bottle, which will be a great puzzle to those who do not understand how it is done. Gen. Harnery's Prowess. , I have heard my father say (he served under Harney in the Seminole war and also in Mexico) that he was the biggest, strongest, most powerful soldier that has worn a uniform since Frederick the Great. He was a giant in stature, a Hercules in strength. His powers of endurance were phenomenal. In the Seminole war he once went without food for four days and nights, and at the end of the time took Billy Bowlegs, who had caught him in the swamps, by the nape of the neck and threw him a distance of ten feet. The savage had an old bayonet pointed at his heart at the time. Another time, when surrounded by Indians, he cleaved his way through them with a sword, and when their ar­ rows had him weakened and almost helpless by loss of blood, he made a final rush, and, seizing one savage, hurled him against another with such force that both were disabled. That same night he swam three miles, trudged nine miles through a swamp, and finally reached an outpost in safety. Indians were always afraid of Harney. He could shoot an arrow better than: they. He was a dead shot with a rifle,; and when it came to physical violence--> something that an Indian has nO taste for--he could throw their mightiest: athletes about like so many rubber;1 balls.' It was no trick at all for him to knock a truculent savage down with one hand, and with the other take his mate, lift him clear of the ground and dance his legs over his fallen comrade. The Indians up about Fort Snelling, when Harney was a captain at that post, used to call him "Thunder Bull" --who roared like thunder and was stronger than a buffalo. The old General was, even in 1861, when he retired from the service, the finest looking man in the army. He was six feet four inches and built like an athlete.--San Francisco Examiner. A Lucky Physician and His Fee. A homoeopathic physician has re­ cently been the recipient of an allo­ pathic fee. Eight years ago Dr. Shel- ton graduated from a medical college, not a young man by any means, but full of hope, if without influence. It was up-hill work at first, but in two years he was in partnership with a lead­ ing college professor, and last winter sow him in attendance upon the daugh­ ter of Mr. Flagler, one of the Standard Oil kings. He devoted his whole time to his patient, accompanying her to Florida, and was with her when she died. He had his reward for his faith­ fulness. In acknowledgment of his services Mr. Flagler presented the physician with Standard Oil certificates of stock to the amount of $50,000, which pre worth in the market $87,000. It was a lucky windfall for the doctor, who was still a poor man only six years ago--at least this is the way in which other physicians speak of it--and it sets ordinary people to wondering whether the latter are liable to go on a strike at any time and give a boom to the price of consultations. The custom of en­ gaging the services of a doctor for a sin­ gle family exclusively is coming more and more into fashion, and the mass of people are as yet iD doubt whether to look upon the movement as an evil or a blessing.--New York lettAP to Philadelphia Record. vkr ; r A Damper on Him. :r̂ • Julia (with a dreamy look in her eyes) --Can you guess of what I am thinking, George? George (taking her hand tenderly)-- No, dearest Julia, but I hope it is of me, » "Well, partly; but I was thinking of the cozy little room we will fix up for mother after we return from our wed­ ding trip." . Georg^didnllook so pleaded.--Zfcwu uh-I PAWTAW LAwmnswr W lots of "versus." THE Secretary of Agriculture should be a very well onltivated an. MANY a gbrl powders her face hi the hope of pmveming some yottng heart. C01.T8 should avoid expoeuzvu might take odd and become a house. THE fastest pair on record -The City of Paris on land and the on water. BOSTON society is up in arms against the bustle. Yet the bustle declines to be sat upon. A PTTLLMAH porter is not necessarily dishonest because he is in the habit of going through the sleepers. BEFORE the wedding-day she was dear, and he was treasm e; but afterward she was dearer, and he was treasurer. HUSBAND--This is a pretty go! Wife --What is the matter? Husband-- Some one has gone and daubed ink on my new penwiper. TEACHEK to pupil--Johnnie, what is a demagogue ? Johnnie--A demagogue «m h- fnftt hnlxfR win a or any other liquor. ' ' *V* PKOFESSOE--What treatment would you prescribe for water on the brain? Medical Student (with a bad reputation) --Whisky on the stomach, TOM--You look happy, Jack. Your sick graudmother must be in bettor spirit® this morning, eh! Jack--I hope she is with better spirits--she just died. "A SHIPPING clerk is the clerk of a £ ship," replied a Brooklyn teacher when asked for a definition. She woijjid prob­ ably define a broker as a man who was broke. A KANSAS giant whose height was 6 feet 7 inches was killed by lightning the other day. No man of that altitude should ever walk about a lightning-rod . attachment. COWBOY--Say, you! Do you run this engine? Locomotive engineer--Yes. # What can I do for you. Cowboy--I want a situation as cow catcher. "Fva t been on a ranch for the last 10 yeara. "HE was trying to give me the cold shake," explained a young woman who was before a Syracuse judge for disor­ derly conduct. "He was, eh?" replied his honor. "Is he in the employ of the ice or cold-storage Company?" ALGERNON--My dear Angelina, there is nothing so fresh as these beautiful Spring evenings. Little Brother (from his hiding place)--Yes, there is, too. • Pa's painted the porch where you're sitting since you went down town, and that's lots fresher. AN Austin man went to'a marble shop to order a tombstone for his brother, | .who had died. "Do you wish large or : small letters upon the stone?" asked the man of tombstones. "Oh, huge, by ali < means; my brother was veiy near­ sighted," was the reply. "I CABE not if the next hour lie mv : last," said the tramp, sadly; and then he ( sat down and ate a whole mince pie, , half a dozen biscuits, and drank a quart H of milk, after which he took his de­ parture, and tried unsuccessfully -to take some of the table utensils. CJUAEA TOOFI»*--I suppose that Jack ; Dashaway will break off his engagement to yoti now that your dear papa is ; ruined. Nellie Highup--I hope so. The damages in the resulting breach of promise case would keep us very com­ fortably for the rest of our lives. "WHAT, only a month married, and, unhappy, Mary?" "How oould I be - otherwise, mother?" "What is the matter?" "My husband does not love me. No matter how muoh I pretend to | flirt with my old beaux, he does not v mind it a bit." "He doesn't?" "No, he ? does not. It almost breaks my heart to think about it. Why, that odious Clara Blank, who isn't half as attractive as I am, is blessed with a husband who is so madly jealous of her that he has shot at her twice." A -R COPOW'T GET EXPERIENCE. " He began with the first of the v . 'iti- But each in turn said "no A Though every form of the question ; , He studied, to make it go. *v And this is the answer he'll give yot| V" When you ask the popular "quia; > . v* "IJLqn't Know ia marriage a failure, Urt I know my getting thaw Is." - Squelched. . A new member of Congress for one of the rural districts of Pennsylvania was ambitious to distinguish himself by his oratory, and accordingly watohed for a favorable opportunity. At length an occasion presented it- sell A motion was made in the House v for enforcing the execution of some ' statute; whereupon the orator in em­ bryo rose solemnly up, and after giving three loud hems, spoke as follows: "Mr. Speaker--Have we laws or have ^ we not laws ? If we have not laws, and '»• they are not observed, to what end are • • those laws made?" < _ c So saying, he sat down, his chest | heaving high with conscious oonse- quence. ; Instantly Oox, the clown of the House, with a'twinkle in his eye, rose and delivered his thoughts in these words: "Mr. Speaker--Did the honorable gentleman who spoke last speak to the ; purpose, or not speak to the purpose? . If he did not speak to the purpose, to . what purpose did he speak ?" Thaf particular orator never troubled ̂ the House again.--Pick Me Up. ^ A Bashful Youth. "You think you need a wjtfc, yotfflg man, do you ?" said Mr. Kajones, as he looked at the agitated youth who was sitting on the edge of a chair and nerv­ ously twirling a bat, "and my daughter would fill the bill, would she, George?" "She would indeed, sir,1* replied the young man, with a ghastly attempt to appear at ease. "As the young men who start newspapers some­ times say in their prospectuses, she would fill a long-went fault. I mean, of course, a went long-felt or rather, a long-lent wait--no, wrong-font welt--in­ deed she would, Mr. K-joanes." per­ sisted the bewildered youth, "though I should have said, of course, a feng--" "George," interposed Mr. Kajones, coming to his relief, "have yon said anything to Laura yet?" "No, sir; I thought I ought to speak to you first, sir." Well, George," said the young lady's father, kindly, "take my advice--if yon can't get that prospectus untangled be­ fore you see her agadn. you'd better send a more experienced canvasser." 1 IT was a funny coincidence that Abra- ̂ nam Shearer and his wife, of Canada, ^ ? ran away from home and met- eac& fei' other on the same day, neither knowing that the other was going, aad both aair ingapart to decefrT^C