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TOO OLD TO LKARH. of * vot'ran.- ft tu^pln' 90 baloatt4 heftrtjr «Bd a stranger taw 1 «W»eDew* this mornta' tteftt Ha» to mum my oonshuneK I 'never ftfia. IV* lived my foa? mora year* oft life, and MW - til tevHA&y »*.•. WM 1 taken fer a jidtui or an ignYant kind o' «itb(«eh dureeA BotiHaMtont tfeett) crawling' bugs and worms That's ft klflin' human bein'a with their mi- crowskopie ItHJ say there's "ioikrobea" all aiostnd huntin' for their prev; 5bwe'?> nothin' j-rn'ro to eartror drink or no aafe place tew »t,ay. • IRMIK'B "mistuuv" in the dew fail and "malary" in tlie sun; ' ' Tain safe tew bo out doors at UOOH or when the day in done %&• e'g "hactery* in the water and • in the meat, •Aaweby" in the atmoafeer, "caln*y" .la the heat; ' Ttsre r, "corpusssls and pigments* la a human bein's Mood, ial everv other kind of thing existin* »ence the flood IWbackcr R fall of "nickerteea." whatever that may be, tmA yonr t hroat will all get poekered With the "tannin'" in the tea; butter's "o 1y-margareea," it never saw ft cow, And things is gittin' was and wui from vrh&t they be jiat now. Ilwn btipg ia all about 'tis, jeat awaitia' for ft ••lllUH'v Tew navigate our vitals and tew *naw ur off like plants. nete s men that spends ft lifetime huntin' • • woruw jeat like a goost, JtMltackiii' Latin names to "er _ 'eia loose. yi-S Wow, I don't believe sech nonaenatt, and I don't intend to try; 3f things has cum to sech a pass I'm satisfied to die. lU go hang me in the aollar, for I won't be sech a fool Mm tfcw wait until I'm plzened by an annymal- ........: fcapqlt .^Kttmxo^e Evening Jcmrnat I v's»" - , . . . AN INDIAN HERO; lew a Gallant Chief of the Miamis Jteseied a White Prisoner m. fit p.. m-- a Horrible Death. In a conspicuous spot in an old Catho­ lic burying ground, long since aban­ doned as a place of interment, and at no great distance from the St. Mary's River, where it begins to bend its course through the city of Port Wayne, stauds a marble monument, erected to mark 1ti« last resting place of one of the no- West and greatest of Indians, writes a '> Fort Wayne, Ind., correspondent to the Globe-Democrat. The east side of the shaft bears the legend: "Here rest the remains of Chief Richardville. Principal Chief of the Miami Tribe of Indians. He was born at Fort Wayne, Ind., •boat the year 1760. Died in August, A. D. 1841." On the west side are the voids: "This monument has been •rooted by La Blonde, Susan and Cath­ erine, daughters of the deceased." The history of the semi-savage period of "the Northwest country" abounds in reminis- •ouCea and tale.i of Richardviile. School­ craft and other early writers make fre­ quent mention of this most remarkable man. In the management of the affairs ef his tribe he was judicious and pains­ taking, adjusting all matters of busi­ ness appertaining to them with the "most ct discrimination and prudence. the adVf§jn#znent Offbifraon, stance of th6,MUStttt$#ta- able notice of the MfHMtl her candidate for the nopex* _ ^ Her scheme was soon petfooted «&4 was imparted to Pe-ahe-wa, -who Carried: it out with a spirit worthy of the son of so noble a mother. The plan was to save the victim from a horrible death, to I Snatch from the fire the hapless victim, to cheat the warriors and the women of the pleasure of the sacrifice. The scene had now become one of great animation. The wholes of the camp had gathered. On the outer lim­ its of the throng stood the gloating women, holding up their babes to glad­ den their eyes with the sight of the im­ molation. The inner circles were com­ posed of painted warriers, who filled the air with theft vociferations and ooarse jests. All eyes were fixed upon the pals victim M, wiiu Lauds and feei laslied to the stake, he faced his tor­ mentors. The executioner sprang into the ring, and, waving aloft a lighted torch, and with many fantastic motions of the body he approached the caotive. In a moment more the fire would be ignited and the hellish feast would be on. Now was the supreme moment for ihe aged cliieftess. She slipped a knife into the hands of her son, bade lrim leap to the captive s rescue, loose with his sharp blade the helpless victim, proclaim aloud his chieftainship and leave the rest to her sagacity. Fired by the inspiration of his ambi­ tious mother, the young warrior electri­ fied the crowd by springing into their midst. He dashed the torch-bearer a-side, waved his gleaming knife, pro­ claimed that he was the chief chosen by the Great Spirit, and after a few slashes of his knife bade the prisoner go free. Astonishment and surprise filled the minds of the Indians. Although cheated of their prize, they were so car­ ried away with the heroism of the son of their chieftess that they regarded him with feelings of admiration rather than displeasure and were very gen­ erally satisfied at the strangeness of the denouement and bold rescue. Pe- fehe-wa, the Wild Cat, was thereafter a favorite, esteemed by all the tribe as a god and he became straightway a chief of the first rank. After satisfying herself of the com­ plete success of her plan, and after see­ ing the surprise of the crowd changed to admiration of her son and his valorous deed, the wily mother, in the confusion, conducted the white man out of the vil­ lage, and place 1 him in a canoe which was covered with peltries. The canoe was given into the keeping of some friendly Indians and was soon gliding down the Maumee River safely out of the reach of the blood-thirsty Miamis. The sequel of this thrilling in'cident Chief Richardviile stated to Mr. Hamilton with much satisfaction. Many years afterwards, being on his way to Washington to visit the President, he stopped at a town in Ohio. A stranger approached and carefully scrutinized him. Suddenly he threw his arms around the Chiefs neck. It was the rescued prisoner, who now in his old age embraced his benefactor with all the warmth of filial affection and grati­ tude. The meeting was one of mingled pleasure and surprise to both. As the leading chief of his tribe, and in their ABO JtaraAM Who Oot A!||MjpWiih On* Am. or Leg Hotter Than jpp With Two. • Men with can win prizes from chfupgnions In a foot race, mep with no kg* who oan climb like cats, and men with but 009 arm who can mend a fishing net anfdmanage a boat like a sailor, are among the curios­ ities of the Twenty-first ward. William Stockhouse, of Bridesburg, who is 35 years of age, and has no legs at all, is oqe of the most astonishing climbers in the country. He lost his legs when a child, and goes about on two crutches. He cannot rise without help, but he can swim like a dolphin, and goes up the rigging of a ship like a cat, "skinning" up to the trucks and coming down by the stays. John Ferguson, also of Bridesburg, is the most noted one-armed man in Phila­ delphia. Eighteen years ago, when a boy of 10 years, he fell from an apple tree and broke his left arm, which had to be amputated close to the shoulder, leaving no stump at all. He soon de­ veloped an aptness for doing everything with his remaining arm which ordinary people do with two arms. He rows a boat, taking the poles of both oars in one hand, without mechanical appli­ ances. He pushft3 gunners on the marshes for rail and reed birds, fishes a shad-net and cleans and opens his catch ai _ veft^eefaUtrtc im TIWlpNlllpB, varied injjiitttW Of the hos«i|a& the Wtnof lemon forth and the gaests ittampitag t» th®.somber of them. The on* ffrtlfoc tha inttrest is given a PrizeK of say, t handsome bowl, and a l>«nby prize o; something like a wooden l^mon squeezei itf also awarded. A St* Louis Pawnbroker Willi 1 science. * I have had occasion to oall on 'my uncle* Iff almost every large city in the country," said the drummer, "and I'm telling you St. Louis is the hardest place I ever struck. About sis months ago I brought up there dead broke, and while waiting to hear from the firm, 1 took a dress coat over to a pawnshop tc get a loan of three or four dollars. 11 cost me $30, and was almost ne .v. "How much do you want on dot?" asked the broker, who was an old man. "Oh, about four dollars." He stepped back, and held up his hands in amaze­ ment and gasped: "My freadt, would you be so werry kind ash to walk oudt ? I know ynr doan' vish me no harm, und I treat yui ash a slientlemans." Why should I go out?" M Because my brudder vill be in hew ferry goon, und I doan' like him to find with great dexterity. Asa swimmer he you. He vill look upon you ash erazy, •$- He, held in the highest esteem through-! behalf, Richardviile was present at and the Northwest. By the Miami na- signed the treaty of St. Mary's, Ohio, he was honored and trusted as their on October 6, 1818. Before that time, however, he was a party to the impor­ tant treaty of Oreenville, in 1795, and his name was also signed to the treaty of Fort Wayne, in June, 1803, and the treaty made at Vinoennes, Ind., in 1805. "H- W ' ;v£: 'v:< has few equals, and has never yet been beaten in swimming matches, of which he has made tievepal from Bridesburg to Pea Shore across the Delaware river, a distance of over two miles. A coal merchant for whom he formerly worked stands ready to back him against any one-armed man in the United States at shoveling a ton of coal into a cart. He is a scientific boxer, and can climb a rope like any seaman. George Birch, of Frankford is 30 years old, and lost a leg when very young. He runs foot races either with or without a crutch, ̂ ind has been the winner of numerous sack races at Pas­ time park and at other places. With a stump for a foot he dances jigs and kicks a bar higher than his own head. Joseph Schaffer, another Frankford curiosity, is 50 years old, and lost one leg when a baby. He uses a stump and can run up a ladder as fast as any hod carrier, get in and put of a wagon with wonderful alacrity, and mount a horse as adroitly as a cavalryman. The late Edward Parry once offered to match Schaffer against any man in Philadel­ phia at getting in and out of a trotting sulky. Daniel Bastien, Schaffer's neighbor, is 35 years old, and has but one leg. Bastien has walked a mile heel and toe, in seven and one-half minutes, and has run a hundred yards in fifteen seconds, using a crutch in both cases. Clem Cotter, a 35-year-old resident of Frankford, has one good leg only, the other having withered in childhood. Cotter is a noted swimmer, and fre­ quently supports two small boys on his back while he swims around ia Frank­ ford creek. He also possesses the fac­ ulty of walkintr on his hands, frequently covering an entire square in this way for the amusement of, his companions. Another one-armed man, William Wooten, a police telegraph operator at the Twenty-fifth ward station house, who died a year or two ago, was in the habit of sculling himself in a boat across the Delaware, and would then Bhoot rail and reed birds with great success.-- Philadelphia Record. Floating Ind as trial Exhibition. - Floating exhibitions seem to be a success so far as Spain and Germany are concerned. A fine steamer, loaded with the best specimens of all kinds of goods, lately sailed from Spain for South America. A German Export Company has decided to apply the sum of $1,000,000 (5,000,000 marks) on the building, equipment, and working of a very large steamer, which is to serve as a floating exhibition. The vessel in question will be called Kaiser Wilhelm, and the principal dimensions are as follows: Length, 564 feet; breadth, 66 feet; depth, 46 feet; so the questiod is not of a small craft. The steamer is to have four engines, entirely inde­ pendent of each other, and four propel­ lers. She is to be fitted in exception­ ally good style. The expenses for a two years'tour are calculated at $785, - 000, while the takings for hire of room and profits of sale are expected to reach $1,815,000, leaving the very handsome profit of more than $1,000,000! The steamer will, according to the present arrangements, be ready to start in the spring of next year. A previous under­ taking of a similar nature, the steamer Gottorp, dispatched from Hamburg, is understood to have given a satisfactory result. Not only are Spanish and Ger­ man goods being shown in many differ­ ent parts of the world, but the staff ac­ companying the steamer has ample op­ portunities for studying in each place the various local and special require­ ments, and to see to what extent and in what manner the different wants are being supplied, either by home or other foreign makers.-- Scientific American. The Lasting Urler of Widows. A young Tipperarv widow, Nelly Mc- Phee, was courted and actually had an ; offer from Tooley O'Shane on her way to her husband's funeral. A " She accepted, of course," saia Gross­ man. ] "No, she didn't," said J Smith. " 'Tooley, dear,' says she, 'yerioo late. Four weeks ago it was I sluwk hands wi' Pat Sweeny upon it that L, would have him a dacent time after poor Mc- Phee was under board.'" "Well," said Grossman, "widows of all nations are much alike. There was a Dutchwoman whose husband, Died- rich von Pronk, died and left her in­ consolable. He was buried on Copp's Hill. Folks said that grief would kill i that widow. She had a large figure of wood carved that looked very like her late husband, and constantly kept it in bed for several months. In about half a year she became interested in a young shoemaker, who took the length of hfer foot and finally married her. He had visited the widow not more than a fo*fc* night, when the servants told her they were out of kindling stuff, and asked what would be done. After a pause the widow replied in a quiet way: e a day for J 'Maybe it is well enough to shplit up old 300 days in each year, would be twenty- '"Von Pronk, vot ish up stairs.'" eight years about it. If, in multiplying. ^ .--;--~~~ „ A tji w ; he should make a row of ciphers, as he i ® Thtagf to Western Sedetj. • TX _ ,„„e Wood of the Mi-1 does in other figures, the number of i A new thing in society circles is the ^ Z._Un?.5?a v. ?en sin8le(l j figures used would be more than 523,- ! lemon party. Invitations are sent out, before he 1 939,228. That would be the precise ! nP°n which is inscribed the name of the number of fiures used if the product of 1 hostess and a reminder to bring a lemon, the left-hand figure in each multipli­ cand, by each figure of the multiplier was always a single figure; but, as it is most frequently, and yet not always, two figures, the method employed to obtain the foregoing result cannot be accurately applied. Assuming that the cipher is used on an average once in ten times, 475,000,000 approximates tbe) actual number.--Boston Transcript lawgiver with the utmost confidence and most explicit obedience. His in­ tellect was of a high order. He reached MB ©oneltteifms only after deliberate aoosideration, and these conclusions he eoold not be prevailed upon to change. He was averse to bloodshed, and was tike strong and consistent friend of peace and good will to all men. The story of the ascendency of Richardviile to the •hieftainship of his tribe was told bv the Chief himself to the late Allen Hamilton, the pioneer banker of Fort Wayne, the associate and business part­ ner of Hon. Hugh McCulloch, late Sec- Dstary of the Treasury. The occasion was not only thrilling and heroic, but «n the part of the young warrior's fa­ mous mother and himself will ever aland in history as one of the noblest and most humane acts known to any people, and would serve as a theme both grand and eloquent for the poet or dramatist. It was about 100 years ago, and the Indian tribes which were lootted about the headwaters of the Maumee river had not then begun to feel the civilizing Influences of the earlier priests and,-pio­ neer settlors. The savage customs pre­ vailed in all their terrible force. The Indian brave was occupied with thoughts of war, crueltv, and revenge. Ike utmost barbarity was practiced to- watd captives, who were burned at the siake, dragged to death at the tales of vfld horses, or were otherwise made the victims of the most inhuman torture tka ingenuity of red men could invent. A white man had been captured, and was brought into the Miami village, and at no great distance from the spot ao long occupied by the famous log fort which gave its name to this city. At the sight of the helpless prisoner the utmost excitement prevailed, and throughout the camp the Indian men, women, and even children began to whet their appetites for the horrid feast of his cremation. A council of the warriors was called to determine thawreched man's fate. The decision *as a foregone conclusion. It was de- Uarnined to burn him at the stake. Preparations were immediately be- and the camp sty-rounded with largo shouts of gratification. Another h«ur of fiendish delight was promised. Another human sacrifice was to be en- j^ed. The inexorible mandate of the emmcil of warriors had gone forth. In •11 the village there were but two per- aons besides the trembling captive 'jhoBe faces did not exhibit glad expec- wjcy. These two were young Rich- wavilla and his mother.* They had heen quiet but earnest spectators of the arrangements in progress for the dread- ftu oargies. This Indian woman was the nbieftess of; the tribe. She was called Tau-cum-wa, and her only son was taown as Pe-she-wa, or Wild Cat, which names are found appended to •any important treaties. The mother J®8 filling out a kind of regency which had continued now for nearly thirty years, .and, according to the traditions, lite ruled .the tribe with a sway, power and saoeeas as woman never ruled be- Itoret In the Ham Jones Line of Work. "Yes," said theievangelist, after bit­ ing a large chew from a plug of black tobacco and expectorating with marvel­ ous accuracy in the eye of a slumbering dog. "I've been a-getting there with both feet lately. The last town I stopped at I raked in twenty converts in one night, and you bet that's big work. I get right down to 'em and let 'em know that if they don't waltz up to the mourner's bench and get religion they'll be everlastingly in the soup, and I generally fetch 'em.. Of oourse, there's always a lot of chumps you can't do any­ thing with, but they don't count for nothing. I used to be a heavy-weight slugger, and I've had a book printed describing the scraps Tve been into. When the services is over I sell books to the chaps that's been saved and make a little stuff that way, but there ain't no money in this preaching business. A feller's got to do it out of pure love for his fellow-men, just like I do it. I want to save as many as I can, ani give the devil the grand razzle-dazzle, and all the reward I ask is to have a front seat in Heaven when. I turn up my toes. Well, I'll have to leave yon.' I'm going around to see a backslider what was converted a week ago, and when I read the riot act to him you bet I'll snake him back into the fold. So long." The noble and self-sacrificing man then moved off on his grand mission, hum­ ming a simple hymn, the burden of which was to the effect that while the bed-bug has no wings at all he gets there just the same. Truly, the world can never be plunged into utter darkness while such good men throw themselves earnestly into the work of salvation.^-- Nebraska State Journal. A Task In Multfplicatioh. A problem that at a glance seems easy enough to tempt many a schoolboy to spend a portion of his vacation in an endeavor to solve it, appeared recently in a Maine journal, and* is as follows: Take the number 15. Multiply it by itself and you have 225. Now multiply 225 by itself, then multiply that prod­ uct by itself, and so on until fifteen products have been multiplied by them­ selves in turn. The question aroused considerable interest among lawyers in Portland, and their best mathemati­ cian, after struggling with the prob­ lem long enough to see how much labor was entailed in the solution, made the following discouraging report: "The final product called for contains 38,539 figures (the first of which are 1412.) Allowing three figures to an inch, the answer would be over 1070 feet long. To perform the operation would re4 quire about 500,000,000 figures. If they Can be made at the rate of 100 a minute, a person working ten hours und he may proceed to fiolenee." "What makes you think I'm crazy?' I asked. • "Dot coat. May be you vas oinjj foolish, but my brudder doan' stop fox dot. Four dollars on dot coat--a-h-h!" "It cost $30." "Where?" O-; ;•••• "In Boston." "Ah! Dot accounts for him. Mv frendt, do you know what I make aooon coat for? Three dollar, sir." "Is it possible!" "Dot tailor make $27 out of you slick ash grease. It vas poor cloth, pooi make, und one shoulder vas lopped.", "Well, how much will you advanoe on it?" "Feefty cent." "What! That's an insult!" * "Please doan' shpeak so loiad. My brudder may come iu any time, und he vas ferry fiolent if you shpeak lout." "But I don't want to be insulted. Give me that coat." "Of course; but please doan' go ava; mat, I like to please all customers. Dot vas my way of advertising my peesness. Maybe I i4s mistaken, und I ask you a question." "What is it?" "Please doan' be mad, for I vas yout frendt. I like to ask if you want do! money to run avay on? Maybe you vas going to abscond" / "And maybe you was an infernal old liar!" "Den you doan' run .avay ? My frendt. dot lifts a great burden off my back, i vas afraid of you. I vas afraid I might help you on der road to ruin, und ] make a low offer. You vhas all right, und I now take dot ooat und gif yot one dollar. If my brudder, come in. doan' tell him how mooch I gif.' H< vas fiolent if I let sentiment influence me in peesness." • ' n - •; Had Risen a Peg op Two. A well-known playwright was ing along the shady bide of upper Broad way the other afternoon when he met t pert and pretty young woman in a reo empire gown, and what may have been t slight reflection of the color on hei cheeks. She was just off the road where she had beeu kicking her heelt through the past season in the chorus of a comic opera. She used to be t playwright's typewriter, but her horizon had broadened since then; but when he stopped to speak to her she met hin1 with amiable condescension. "Well, Dolly," said he, after greetings were exchanged, "I suppose you'll be on your uppers now through the summer. I think way." I can put something in youi thanks awfully," said Dolly "What is it, a watering plac* *t as her successor, but n6uld attain the great distinction of leadership and command the obedience •t his rivals for the high place, he must distinguish himself, by some deed of p*owess--must show that he was brave •nd resolute as well aa wise and delib­ erate. Ths captife was now bound to th»& Ktake, and as the merry execution- leaped high about him with the fag- jptsr Tau-ciun-wa sat in the outer ring •4. spectators trying^to form, apian for M. The guest is conducted to the squeezing committee, the lemon cut, and the seeds extracted and placed in a bowl. A lun< heon is served, consisting of delica­ cies in which the principal ingredient or flavor is lemon--lemon ices, lemon pie, lemonade, and extended to the length desired by the hostess. The decorations are lemon ..colored, Mid the flowers largely consist* of yellow roses Oh, eagerly snap? "No, but I want another typewriter. Come around to-morrow and Til set you to work again." The young woman drew herself Uf disdainfully and threw back her pretty head with a contemptuous toss. "Typewriter, indeed," she exclaimed scornfully. "Do you think I'd be $ typewriter now ? Why, it would hurt my standing in the profession dread- fully." A few moments afterward, as the playwright was steadying his nerves, he remarked to a friend that almost everj opinion in this tforld depended on th« point of Tiecr.--N. Y. Frees;. A Remarkable Ral* A waiter at the Metropolitan Hotei on Washington street says there is a ra 1 of unusual intelligence which haunti the hotel kitchen, and, when occasiot offers, steals food from the cook. H< says this rat ought to be caught and ex­ hibited as a marvel at the museums. Several stories of sagacity are told aboui this rodent, of which the following it one: "A few evenings ago," said the waiter, "I had occasion to go down into the kitchen. It was dusky when I arrived, and as soon as my eyes would permit me to get used to the light I saw s large rat walk deliberately up to a disk of doughnuts and begin to take them out one by one and string them on his tail, as you would string beads. When he had put on five and loaded his tail all up, he turned around, took the end of his tail between his teeth, and walked off as if he were going to muster."-- Boston Globe. • • • ' ' A n O d d Y e r d i e t ? " ^ The vagaries of the modern jury are past accounting for, and many a judge has been known to dismiss a jury with the intimation that they were little bet­ ter than lunatics. An Alabama man charged with steal- ing a calf made-the following state­ ment : "/ "I was always teached to be honest, an' most always have been, but when 1 seed the calf I caved. I never wanted a calf so bad in mv life, an' you all know when a man wants a calf he wantt him." The jury returned the following ver­ dict: "We, the jury, are satisfied 'thai Steve stold the calf, but, as the fellei that owned the animal is considerable of a slouch, we agree to clear Steve and make the slouch pay the costs." ^ The Fate ef an Adviser. v ! Namby--These are degenerate" indeed. "You can't trust anybody, is a melancholy truth. I'amby--You're right there, Namby, Namby (a little later)--Oh, I say, Pamby, can you lend me a trifle of $5 t Pamby--Sorry to say I cant, Namby: that is the melancholy truth; these aw degenerate times, you know." his 50; ntflatw osiediag, alMiSB^wucnnted Holy Writ-MMTl^f humaD caused conaidetiUe tnlk in borhood on aoeonniof the deacon's ad­ vanced age, and some of the young peo­ ple proposed to give the couple an old- fashioned serenade. So they gathered a large and noisy crowd together, equipped themselves with a circular saw, a chime of cow bells and a band of horns and set up a frightful din in front of the deacon's house several hours af­ ter the old gentleman and his brid^had retired. - » The first alarm brought the deacon to the door. The serenaders expected a storm of righteous wrath to burst upon their heads--and were prepared w meet it with a tempest of horn, saw, and cow bell. "Gentlemen," said a mild voice,"won't you come in ?" • A hush fell upon the crowd, and they stared in silent wonder at each other. That couldn't be the deacon! They drew nearer and took a better look at the figure standing in the door­ way. - •. * Yes, they could "plainly see by the candle which he held that it was the deacon. "Wife and I would be pleased to have you all come in," he said again. Disconcerted, but unable to resist the invitation, they filed into tlie house. The deacon and his wife had provided chairs and they all sat down. Then the good old man took the family Bible from the shelf and read a passage of scripture in a clear voice. Having fin­ ished the chapter he closed the good book, knelt down' and said fervently "Let us pray." The company listened respectfully to a long prayer, in which the deacon asked for a special manifestation of heavenly grace to the misguided youth of the community. "Now, my young friends," said he, "I know that some of you have good voices. Let's have a little music." He passed around the hymn books, his wife pitched the tunes and the com­ pany joined in. They sang several of the Moody, and Sankey favorites, and before they knew it were having as good a time as if they were pounding the hewgag in the front yard. At last, in a polite way, the deadon bade them good-night, and said he would be very glad to see them again. They went away full of respect for the old man, wishing him a long enjoy­ ment of his new-found connubial bliss, and wondering whether "they had sere­ naded the deacon or the deacon had serenaded them. •WSS/v Why We are Right-Handed. Primitive man, being by nature a fighting animal, fought for the most part at first with his great canine teeth, his nails, and his fists, till in process of time h« added to those early and natu­ ral weapons the further pursttasions of club or shillalah. He also fought, as Darwin has conclusively Bhown, in the main, for the possession of the ladies of his kind against other members of his own sex and Bpecies. And if you fight you soon learn to protect the most exposed and valuable portion of your body. Or if you don't, natural selec­ tion manages it for you by killing you off as an immediate consequence. To the boxer, wrestler, or hand-to- hand combatant that most vulnerable portion is the heart. A hard blow, well delivered on the left breast, will easily kill--or at any rate stun--even a strong man., Hence, from an early period men have used their right hand to fight with, and have employed the left arm chiefly to cover the heart and to parry a blow aimed at that specially vulner­ able region. And when weapons of offense and defense supersede mere fists and teeth it is the right hand that grasps the spear or sword, while the left holds over the heart'for defense the shield or buckler. From this simple origin, then, the the whole vast difference of right and left in civilized life takes its beginning. At first, no doubt, the superiority of the right hand was only felt in the manner of fighting. But that alone gave it a distinct pull, and paved the way at last for the supremacy elsewhere. For when weapons came into use the habit­ ual employment of the right hand to grasp the spear, sword, or knife, made the nerves or muscles of the right side far more obedient to the control of the will than those of the left. The dex­ terity thus acquired by the right--see how the word "dexterity" implies the fact--made it more natural for the early hunter and artificer to employ the same hand perfereutially in the manu­ facture of flint hatchets, bows and arrows, and all the other manifold ac­ tivities of savage life. It was the hand with which he grasped his weapon; it was, therefore, the hand with which he chipped it. To the end, however, the right hand remains especially "thehand it which you hold your knife;" and that is how our* own ohildren to this day decide the question which is which when they begin to know their right hand from their left for practical pur­ poses. She Get It. They were sitting on the piazza that faced the sea, watching the white-sailed yachts as they crossed the moon's track, when he suddenly said: . "I Ihink it must be delightful sailing on such a lovely night." "Oh, lovely, I should think." "I wish I owned one for your sake. I would take you sailing every night." Why Sir Wil- in curable cm hali-pax., was walkfi^tdle day iu London #p| gK>rd Langdiue.. Napier had been dabbling in painting and sculpture, tmd 'had written for the Edinburgh Review an able article on Jomini's great work on military operations. The two friends conversed, while walking, on Southey's narrative of the Peninsula War, then fresh from the press, and Lord Langdale was struck by Napier's remarks concerning the events of the struggle, in which he himself had achieved distinction. "Napier, what are you going to do?" suddenly asked Langdale." "Do you mean where am I going to ulue?" answered Napier. "No, no. What are you thinking of for an occupation ? You ought to give yourself to literature. Your artiplo on Jomini proves that you can write, not write a history of the war?" Napier went home to tell his wife what Lord Langdale had said. He added that he doubted whether lie was clever enough to write a history of th8 war. She believed in her husband's talents, and was anxioud that he should take up some serious occupation, and accordingly encouraged him to try. He did try. Day after day <>e labored at the desk. His wife, though burdened with the cares of a large family, was his counsellor and amanuensis". She deciphered tho whole of Joseph Bona­ parte's secret correspondence, written in a cipher which had baffled all the ex­ perts who had undertaken to reaa it.. "I would have given £20,000," said Wellington, on hearing of her success, to any person who could have done that for me in the Peninsula." Five years after tlya conversation with Lord Langdale the first volume of the "History of the Peninsula War" was published. It made its author famous. The public were delighted to read the book of one who had nobly shared in making the history he had so eloquently narrated. His descriptions of battles, sieges and marches stirred the hearts of readers, and school-boys declaimed his most brilliant passages. But the simple word of a friend has started the his­ torian to his work. A Desperate Mother's Ingentrity. From a gentleman who resides in that vicinity was obtained last night the details of a most remarkable rescue from death that took place at the farm of Wendell Russell, about three miles from Venice, 111., Monday afternoon. Mr. Russell had removed the pump from the well to make some repairs and had partially covered the aperture with boards. A little four-year-old boy play­ ing in the vicinity got on these boards and fell through, one of the boards go­ ing with him. His mother heard the cries and rushed to the rescue. There was about twelve feet of water in the well, and the distance from the top to the surface of the water was about fifteen feet. She could see the little one clinging to the board and floating on the water. No assistance was at hand and she was thrown on her own resources. Her wits worked quickly, and she acted with great promptness. Securing a stout rope that was near at hand, she fastened one end of it tightly about the body of her nine-year-old daughter, and then let her down to the water, where she grabbed the little one and shouted to her mother to pull her up. Her mother could not do it. While it was a comparatively easy mat­ ter to lower the girl steadily and to hold heV, it was quite another thing to haul her up, and the mother's strength was not equal to the task. She, how­ ever, found a way out of the dilemma With a few words of encouragement to her loved ones clinging to each other just above the surface of the water, she made the rope fast above, and ran to get a ladder that was leaning against the liou&e. This she let down the well, but it reached only a little below the surface of the water, and there was nothing for it to rest on. She secured a stout pieoe of timber and placed it across the top of the well between the top rounds of the ladder, thus giving it a firm support, though the lower end swung in a manner somewhat dangerous to an unsteady climber. Then she took the rope by whicA her daughter was suspended and swung her to the ladder. The girl seized the ladder with her left hand, and with her little brother tightly clasped by her right arm, climbed the ladder, assisted by her mother with the rope. Both were brought up safely, and the only injuries sustained were a few bruises and a thorough ducking to the little oce.--St. Louis Globe-Demo- erat , No Time for Small Matters. A man with a low brow and criminal expression entered the Chicago police headquarters. f "Sir," said he to the man in charge, "I want to " "Pray don't disturb me just now, I am very busy," replied the chief officer. "But I say I want " "Couldn't possibly listen to you now. "Yes, I know, b "Can't stop now, know there has just murder committed and I am working on the case ?" "Yes, that's just it, I came in to---" "Now, see here, I tell you I positively can't--go away--come in next week." "No, I must " "Not another word--let me alone- come in week after next." • "But, great Scott, I want to? " '"No, sir! I say. Here, if you want monev--there's |5--take it and go up l/lj lialOU HI yvU llvW* " IT, I tell you--don't you just been a terrible That would be just lovely!" lUMO„ What kind of a* yacht would you pre- ! to^'Shkosh'^or somewhere. Come in - --"K '* 1 next mo„th after we get the terrible murder mystery cleared up. There a the door--now go!" _ The stranger took the bill and turned away sadly. On the corner he met a man and said: "They won't have me up at head- fer--a steam yacht or a sailing one! "I think," she murmured, as she glanced around, "I'd just as lief have a ttle smack." V* ; . She got it.--Boston Courier. * Waste vs. r»alst. # "Laura," said the young lady's mother ^aura saiame young laays motner ' ^ t oommitted the murder they jot nnkmdlv. it««"'« th»t yon i iro TroAi™ OT™nd wnted to give im- b»d the turned r«ther lc lut OTM- ^ "°(°pfbatth.y wouldn't to "It was solely economy, mamma," an­ swered the maiden. "There is no use in trying to beat the gas company, my daughter. I have no­ ticed that the shutting off of the gas is always followed by a corresponding in­ crease of pressure." "Well, that lessens the waist, doesn't it, mamma, dear?" replied the artless girl. And her fond parent could find no more to say.--Terre Haute Ex- ) press. J ALL true science begins in the love, | not the dissection of your fellow- creature; and it ends in the love, nQt , the analysis, of God. I AN equestrienne who can't liold hdr } { rosin should ride somebody else's sorrel. 1 H COLICKY baby at night is athletic; it can raise the house. self up, but they me." Then he wandered sadly down a side street, met two detectives, gave a police­ man a light for his cigar, and disap­ peared.--^. Y. Tribune. Hot Far Advanced. Dingus--Mr. Snip, have yott flfushed that suit of clothes I ordered the oiher day ? '7 Tailor (well acquainted with Dingus) --Why, no. Dingus. It--it isn't ex­ actly finished yet. ^ Dingus--I suppose, then, it is pretty well advanced by this time? Tailor--Er--no. It's the advatace I'm waiting for, Mr. Dingus.--CMafrj/o Tribune. A HAiRDHES8K* hopes to flourish in this world, and ia the world that ia to oow»e. , nwto1 ^ a^llection for n; when be baa BEOWN--What" did you realize fram your deal in wheat? Smith--I have realized that I was a- blank fool eve** to have into it." "How CAS I get into the hospital!* 'FWtt. the only way I can tell you how to get in there is to advise you to go Mm.break your arm or your neck or some other part of your body." A FOREGONK Conclusion. -- Young Doctor--Well, I've got a case at last* Young Lawyer--Glad to hear it. When you get him to the point where he wank a will drawn, telephone over. A HARLEM grocer recently found an egg iu a lot just received from tho country with a landscape neatly photo­ graphed on the shell, but he doesnt know Avhere the scene was "laid." Mas. BLONDE (wildly)--Where did this black hair come from ? Mr. Blonde I was riding behind a blaok horse, and be switched his tail "This ia fine hair." "Yes, it was a fine horse." A WESTERN lecturer has at last dis­ covered a way of being "warmly re­ ceived." He keeps the hall so cold < that the people in the audience are obliged to stamp their feet to keep them from freezing. TOM--What has become of that young man who achieved some fame by t1"» puMieation of an essay on "The Fool­ ishness of Marriage?" Dick--What's become of him? Let me think, Oh yes; he got married. Guest--Who kept up that terrifie pounding on the piano last night ? Host --It was next door. "A great annoy­ ance isn't it?" "I should say that it ia. I'd like to play on that piano for about an hour--with a hose." IT is said of a Canadian mother who died the other day: " She was a true wife, a fond mother, and so managed affairs as to marry off her nine girls be­ fore any other female in the neighbor­ hood could even get a beau." BABIES Barred.--Mr. Jones--Can yoti go sailing this afternoon, my love? Mrs. Jones--If I may take the baby. Mr. Jones--Well, you mayn't. I'm not going to assume the responsibility of a squall.--Burlington Free Press. OLD Man (at the head of the stairs at half-past 2 a. m.)--Susie, what time is it ? Susie (with a second look at Regi­ nald, who loosens his grip)--A few min­ utes past 10, papa. Old Man--Don't forget to start the clock again when you go to bqd. " IN some "Advice to Young lien" we read: "How to get rich--live up to your engagements." Five years ago a young man, who had $1,000 in bank, lived up to his engagement, and he hasn't got a cent. BtU he has a wife and three children. SUNDAY school Teacher--Now, you have named all but two of the perscma who went into the ark. Can -you tell who they were, Arthur? Arthur-- Ham. Sunday-school Teacher--That's right. Who was the last one ? Horace, your hand is up; you may answer. Horace (drawling)--Eggs. DOLLY--I shouldn't think that you wonld want to marry such a forgetful man. Mollie--Oh, but he says the rea­ son he forgets things is because he is thinking so constantly of me tliat he cannot remember anything else. Dolly --Oh, I see. You don't expect to hare any trouble after you are married. NEIGHBOR Boy--Ma said she'd lick me if I didn't ask your forgiveness. She's watching me from tho window, so out out with it or I'll thump you when I catch you alone. Our Boy--Well I'll forgive you till my big brother gets home, and then if you know when you're well off you'll stay mighty close togtour own house. IRATE Passenger (to street-car con­ ductor)--I wan't you to understand, sir, that you are paid to answer questions.! Tell me when we have passed Broad Street. Conductor (srrtilingly) -- All right, mum. Conductor (ten minutes later)--We have passed Broad Street now, mum. Git off on the right-hand side and walk back nine blocks. p. s. He asked fair Maud to maiTy ; By letter she replied. " He read it--she refused htm; r He shot himself, and died. ^ , y gg He might have been alive nowj^;':. And she his happy bride, • If he had read the poBtaetipfe 3N5& -v- Upon the other Bide, Drowned for Hb Friend. ̂ men, Thomas Williamson and Henry Davis, were rowing down the Ohio'River in a boat, when it capsized, and both were precipitated into the water. Thomos managed to catch hold of the boat and \lrew himself upon it, but seeing Henry almost exhausted he reached out and caught hold of his coat collar, but owing to his weight was unable to draw him up. He strained every muscle to keep Henry's head above water. Some men on the bank secured a boat and rowed out to them, but before they reached the two Henry had pulled Thomas into the water, and the boat had floated away. Thomas then had to swim with one hand, and held Henry up with the other. As soon as the men reached them they tried to rescue both, but found they could only take one. Thomas said, "Take Henry, and I will try to support myself till you return." After they had started for shore they saw him make on# or two strokes, and then, with a smile on Ins face, sink beneath the water. One Touch ef Nature. . One of the aptest illustrations of cause and effect, one of the best . that one "touch of nature makes the whole world kin," was seen yesterday after­ noon about 3 o'clock on Broadway, near Twenty-sixth street. A hack broke an axle, flopped down, and impeded travel. The crowd gathered quickly, and shouts of derisive laughter rolled through the sultry air as one after the other five jet-black women and three ebon-hued ohildren emerged and stood in a row on the sidewalk. Just then one quick-eyed man saw a baby coffin, flower-wreathed, on the seat. Others saw it. Any more laugh? Not a laugh. The crowd melted and silently stole away.--New York Press. A Good Word for Gossips. An old parson in" a country town in this State recently made this singular statement in the course of a sermon: "They are wrong to cry so against the tattle of women. It is sometimes of use. I find an example in the New Testament. At Easter why did not our Lord Jesus Christ appear first to men? Why did He prefer to show himself to women? Simply for this reason--be> cause the news of his resurrection would be sooner spread."--San Francisco Wasp. *' -