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t WILLING TO PA&E ff ALONE. ] ! •. ... I ff , *Wy tke Ambulance Burgeon Seemed to '• l'lenty of liine> | PP&7'*y.' .A'hod-carrier had been badly crushed f v'^-V "by the fall of a scaffoldiirg while he was - at work on a tall building in Wall street *• 'fellows hai picked him up as ten- l^erly as possible and had . borne him ' bleeding and dusty to a shady spot to Va!t 'or t'ie ambulance. It was a long gp3 ; i. .wait for the man in torture, for the day sfv- was an intensely hot one, and people lA : were being prostrated by tho heat all £f-,< , over the city, and the ambulance had |c*t C, been on the run all day. An hour is not IS." a long titne for au ambulauce to set out %\ from a hospital, bring back a patient . and then reach another one, but to those who watch a man slowly bleeding to ir,1' • death lor want of medical assistance, it |v - seems an age. tV J 1*1 g. rough men stood around the fallen hod-carriar with tears In their eyes, uttering low curses at the tardt- ' Bess of the ambulance. But the victim of the contractor's greed or'carelessnesa K, - was the most patient of them all. As | the minutes passed along he uttered no tip- '< word of impat ence, only he looked wistr &fully on those around him. After about b-,< ' half an hour of this suspense a doctor fe' who was pacing was called over. He - : knelt down by the man, felt his crushed- In side and examined his factured skulL * ; Then he shook his head and askod softly: |w'., ~ -Has he any friends among yon?" rZ' "None of us knows him, sir." said the fo|eman. "He struck me for a job this ? ' morning, and as I was short-handed I . put him to work w thout asking him t any questions." "Well, if any of you can get any In­ formation from him about his people, fc ' ' ' you'd better do so at once. He'll soon Is;. become unconscious and will die, with- fi out doubt, before nighty no matter if ,Jt~ fifty ainb lances came for him. Nothing can save him. It's only a question of a few hours." , A flask of brandy was procured and a few drops put between the sufferer's lips. They seemed to revive him, and he opened his eyes and looted around, but to all questions as to his name, his home, his parents, his wife, his children; etc., he gave no answer. "Well,©Id man." said tho foreman at last, tenderly, "we can't db nothing at all for you, the doctor says, though you know we would if we could. Tho day is wearing on and our job must be linishe i. The ambulance will soon be here, so you won't take it hard if wo leave uow, will you?" The hod-carrier looked up at hiaj slowly and spoke with a great effort. "I've got to die, eh?1" "Doctor says so." •How soon?" "Before su ndown, my bojr- * "No help for it?" •No." "Well," with a long«igh, "y<w goon with your work and I'll go«n with mj dyinV and he turned his hea •--shut his eyes--and--waited.--New Yurk Tribune. Halo an«t Hi-aftv. These two adjectives by DO means 1mpty His possession ot g.-feat muscular strength. There are many men mii mooi«n of slight build and inferior stature to whom the terms *hale and i hearty* perfectly apply. Their complexions are clear, eyes bright and vivaeiouB, pulses itrau- qnil, step elastic, movements steady, sleep un­ disturbed, appetites sound. These tnMcia of haleness and heartiness Hostetter's Stomach Bitters will assuredly bestow upon the feeble, "the nervous and dyspeptic. No tonic of the oentury comi>are& with it In popularity, no other rivalB it in efficacy. A9 permanent in- vigoration mean a also the previous regulation of disorder in the system, Hostetter's hbomach BlLtvrs must also be regarded as chief among regulators. It conquers nud prevents malaria and rheumatism, overcomes inactivity of the liver, bowels and kidneys, and promotes the ac­ quisition ot flesh at well as viuor. THE name of John Jacob Armstrong Astor. four years old, son ot William Waldorf Astor, has undergone excision of his third name. COMMENCEMENT ESSAYS. I heard the essays. That one on The Magpaa China ami King John," The hoad girl -wrote. She with the wreath Described Lear's wandering on the heath t^uite prettily. Another one Explained "The S>n>ts Vjxin the Sun,* '" "The Influence of Hrowning" and ' , ' "Tbo Karly Writings of George San<i*" "The Transcendental Movement: HjfirW v '*• It Tooclvs German letters Now,"-- ; ?«9: All theae I sadly listened to. •What earthly good can these th I asked myself. "Does old King Jo] Teach you to sew a patch tijxm A coat V Or can the spo* t eil sun Say when a roast is ravelv done? Do Browning's tangled poems tell The way to mend a stocking well f While I was ponderi - g sadly thera, A sweet girl rose. Rud. I declare. She talked nbout the houiclv tbiiu; From washtnbs down to lniiffio-rii She hod ten pages ali on pie: She kuew the choicest way to fry *' " An oyster, aud how best to bak* A good old-fashioned johnny-cake. Next day the girl was asked to sbara The fortunes of a millionaire; She now Reads Browning's wondrous books, And leaves the cooking to her cooks. The girl who wrote on Browning's work Is married to a gentle clerk Whose income's small. No girl have __ She scrubs und cooks tho livelong day. And sighs, while bending o'er the range. When tfhe reflects upon the change-- The fau from school sublimities To tattoreil books of recipes. ~-Nutmey«, in Springfield Graphic. A TRAGEDY OF THE gftk. September 8, 1868, at 7 o'clock wi the morning, with the Car>e of Good Hope bearing almost due ea*t and 700 miles away, we nighted a shin dead ahead. I was second mate of the English brig Lord Clive, and we were bound from Australia to Liverpool with wool. It was my watch--which you must know is the port or captain's watch and we were within two miles of the Btranerer when the morniug mist cleared and we sighted her. She was a small, square-rigged vessel, driviug slowly off before the westerly wind, and she did not show a square foot of canvas on anv of her masts. I took the glass and went aloft, and my wonderment, in­ creased. There was one man aboard of her, but only one as far as I could see. He was pacing the quarter deok, and had his face turned towards us. There was no signal of distress flying, and yet it was plain euough that something was wrong there. I desoended after a long look, and just then the Captain came on deck. We had about a five-knot breeze, find we were not long in overhauling the stranger. Her wheel was lashed, and as we came ujK>n her starboard quarter we stiil fared to make out more than the one man. We were near enough to see that he was « Portuguese, and evidently one of the crew. The name of the ship was the Three Brothers, and she hailed from the Cape. We all immediately remembered seeing her at Sidney, and •of Iter having left two weeks before we did. She was loaded number. We planned to vnenace him, a» that he would fall into oon fusion, and-, we lay on our oars and let the ship j drift down to tw. I was to hook on to ; her bows, whiie the first mate kept the I sailors bnsy aft, but we didn't know how much devil there was in him. He divided his stock of guns forward and aft, and his first bullet killed a man in •he mate's boat. My boat had hooked on to the forechains, and I was thinking we had a clear way to the deck when he up^-et a pail of boiling water over us from the rail, aud all of us were forced to leap into the *ea to ease our torments. The trio of u* were terribly burned and one of the men entirely lost the sight of his left eye. We had not only made another failure, but here wa« another dead man and more wounded. Our crew WM now for bearing away aud making no further attempt to board the stranger, but the Captain cried out that he woul>l stand by until he had lost every mao and bin own life, too, before he would' lie defeated by a single man. We lia4 to furl everything to keep in company with the ship, and for three hours the two crafts drifted along almost with La musket-shot Then we were ready for another attack. We had constructed three bullet-proof shelters along the port rail, and the idea was to run down alongside the ship and shoot the Portu­ guese as we passed. We made sail and: ran down, but only to find that the wily villain had himself constructed a shelter and our bullets could not reach him. He gave us three shots while within range, and though he hit no one,, his shooting was uncomfortably close,, and proved that he waa a good marks­ man. There was but one other way to at-* tack him, and we put that off until late in the afternoon. We wanted wind aud sea to go duwn, and we had our wibh. Along about 4 o'clock the breeze drooped almost out of sight, while the sea was without a white-cap. We had made a heavy grappling iron, -and the idea was to lay the ship aboard. When all was ready we bore down on her, and this was a move the Portu­ gese could not checkmate. He had to remain behind his shelter or expose himself to our bullets. We ran along­ side, cast our graphel, and the two crafts drifted side by side. Our Cap­ tain then gave the sigDal, and five of us made a rush over the ship's rail. In doing so we were exposed' to the sail­ or's fire, and he shot the carpenter through the heart. He had time to fire only once, however, but when the four of us piled onto him we found him almost our match. Had not help come I verily believe he would have gained the victory. He seemed en­ dowed with the strength of a giant, and his fierceness was that of a wounded tiger. While he was being bound lie got a sailor's finger between COTTON BLO: RULES AND REGULATIONS CASE OF FIRE, rjLTJl{ ! coret blood on the moon. He waa also " i the first to come forward with a scheme, ' ^; to nay off the national debt by every- fH i-body gt>i»g without fried onions for oae i „ J, year. He started from New Orleans to New York to deliver the ce'ebrated ad- dress entitled: "Why Doau' We Con­ sider?" but had only reached the j Hoosier State when he was arrested aa , ; a tramp and flung into jail. He now j i asked the-Cotton Blossom Club to for- i ward him the sum of $20 to pay his fine A Rsnaoilnaii Wanting In Whiott lad- d*nt»lfy M«re Mooted "fcnch Subjects M the Formation ot Itrnnch Club*, a I'rtj- jsct to I'Mjr Off t ba Nstioual Unbt and is Bom* for IthlUwatAsn. As soon aa the meeting^ had been ' ®m] ^olP„hif fiu^h % i°urney. He opened in due form Brother Gardener j J13®11 * called on the Club exoept as a iast resorfc. He had dug a bole two feet called for the part of the Committee on Personal S»ft»ty. The frequent de­ struction by fire of lodge-rooms, halls, churches, and theaters rendered it a matter of prudence that Watermelon Hall ahonld be protected as far as pos­ sible, and that some progam be ar­ ranged for the guidance of the Club. The Chairman of the Committee re­ ported as follows: jfc&L J LORD EBENEZEH. deep in his cell to find rock bottom. He had sawed off two bars at the win­ dow to discover that a building was chained on the outside. He had tried to bribe the jai'er with forty acres of lead, but the man wanted a hundred. "We« sorry fur him, of cose," said Brother Gardner in reply, "but we can't do nuftin fnr him 'cept to hope he will koep on diggin' till he gits out. We didn't ax him to come; we didn't eben know he was on de road. He may be sort o' lomesome in dat jail, but it will be a great chance fur him to rest up an* cut his toenails, an' invent a scheme fur draiuin' off de Atlantic Ocean.* ... , i his sharp teeth and bit it clean off, aud with wool to be taken on at the Cape by not one £f U8*scaped without bruises. Do NOT send your daughter away foi change of air till you understand her all- meat. Send 2c. stamp for "Guide to Health.' to Lydia E. l'inkhant Medicine Co., Lynn Mass. W. A. SAKTOIUF, of England, en uncle of Nellie Grant Sartoris, has been on a quiet tour of the West, with a view of making sotue investments. FITS.--All Fits stopped tree by Or.KHiie'a Great Nerve Res'orer. No l-'its after first it iy's use. Mar- vellouti cures, Treatise und $;.(W trial bottle free to fit case*. Send to Or. Kline. Kit Arch iiila. Pa. 'the liners coming down from India. Our Captain hailed aa we swept past ber, but the sailor waved hi* hand to signify that nothiug was wanted. "There <is something very <qiteer there," said OUT Captain as we got clear of her, "and I propose to investigate." We luffed up a couple of point* to be clear of her and threw the brig into the wind. I was ordered to take two meu and pull off to the stranger, which was drifting along-at the rate of about two miles an hour. We had a boat down and were off in a minute, and in an- When we had finally secured our man we began the work of clearing up the mystery. Not a soul cnuid we find aboard the ship, nor could we at first account for the absence of the crew. Then one thing and another was brought to Mglit to tell us the horrible story. She had left Sydney with four- j teen men. The fiend of a Portuguese had murdered each and every man by j means of poison in the rum. He was the i coon. A week out of port she had met with heavy weather aud been ob iged to lie to and ride it out. This wan how other ten we should have been up with ; she cau)e to have evervthilIg 8nug aloft. her had not something happened. Hie j lt waH while sbe Wft9 ^ding out the sale Portuguese stoocl looking at us for half that tbe caj)tain had 80me trouble with a minute as we approached. Ihen he Ube «<K>k. Just what it was no one but disappeared and I suddenly caught j tl)e Portlls;ues0 kllew. Ho claimed to sight of a musket-barrel over the rail. I j jlave been brutallv assaulted without wtw wondering if my eyes deceived me, ; and to reVenge himself he poi*- when the villain tired and one of my j oljed a demijohn nf rum kept for the men pitched forward on his face, shot t ca,„aia>ri ll8e. Some of th£ rum> be through the bacK, and hreathing his i Wlts afterwards served out to last within five minutes. The sailor j all llands without hi, know!ed(?e aud then stood up and warned us by gesture ; tLe eutire cww werw tbus killed 0ff/ to keep away or be d serve out another, , Wbat tbe real {acl9 were could never and you may guess that we lost no time | be bl.ought out, As we found no blood No person will be allowd to scratch a match on his leg within aeven feet of the building. * Any one smoking in the hall previous to the opening of a meeting must do so over a t ail of water, and with a coffee- sack throwu over hi-< head. In case of fire breaking out during a session of the Club the lii^t one to smell smoke will probably be Lord Ebenezer Johnson. He came here from North Carolina about eight years ago, bring­ ing a nose which could smell a consta­ ble two miles away. He will notify the janitor in a cool, care'ess way, as if the matter was of no account, and the janitor will at once see if all escape has been cut off by the stairways. If the latter is oue solid sheet of of flame, which will probably be the ca-e, he will calmly raise the alley windows aud be the first one to drop out aud staud ready to assist the others. There will be no excitement. Brother Gardner will go next, followed by the safe aud the books of record. Then will come Sir Isaac Walpole, Rev. Penstock, • Elder Toots, Wavdown Bebee, Old Man Jackson, Judge Cahoots, and Admiral Decliue in the order named. In case Samuel Shin or Shindig Wat- kins attempt to esoat e before their turn Giveadam Jones is empowered to stretch them lifeless on the lloor. Should Elder Toots attempt to crowd his way in ahead of Bev. Penstock, as he probably will, he will suddenly hear something drop and at the next regular meeting he will also be fined $28,000. Col. Kyann Johnson, Judge Cotton- ball White and Bear Admiral Thomp­ son will form a committee to remove the curiosities and works of art from the museum. If found impossible to do this they will be expected to perish with them. Any reporter seeking for an inter­ view to obtain the >.aonount of loas, names of the dead, &c., will be directed to Prof. Bambo Henderson who is the only Sliakesperiau scholar in the club. The hall will at once be iusured for seven times its value. This will give the insurance companies at loast six loop-holes to crawl out oL QUIET SMOKE. Gratifying to AO. Tbe high posttlon attaiaad aadthe mv versal aoccptance and approval o(tb« ploqj - ant liquid fruit remedy, Syrap ot Fts*. aa tbe mcfct excellent laiAtlr* krawn. iihu» the value of the qualttfo* on wlrtch Stat mcoeM fs based, and ar« abaodantly rrait- tytac to the California Fig Byrnp Oomyaaji ®i««t Stiylng Qa*llti«s After a dinner BIVCTI by Stepheff^Pr1«\ ot Drury Lane Theater, all the suests but Theodore Hook and the Rev. Edward Cannon retired. Prions was suffering from gout, but as they disregarded his hints to retire, he stole off and left them In high t-alk. On the following morning be inquired of his servant: "I'ray. at what time did those gentlemen go last night?" "Go. sir?" replied John: "they're not g>ne» sir, they hawe Just rang for ooffee." Otity On* Ever Printed-- Can Find the Word? Each week a different three-tncti display b published in this paper. There are no two words alike In either a<L, except. Ono Word. This word will be found in thp ad. for Dr. Barter's Iron Tonic. Little I,Ivor Ptlls and Wild Cherry Bitters. Look for •Crescent" trade-mark. Read the ad. carefully, and when you find the word send It to them and they will return you a book, beautiful lithographs and sample free. The Deadly Cigarette. It anyone were discovered putting •rsenic and pliosporus in the cigars Which men use, how soon a law would be found or made to fit his case. But When the same poisons arc employed in preparing cigarette wrappers, with fatal results to boys, thero is no mention made of legal proceedings contemplated Or begun. Anti-cigarette legislation is practically a failure, but there is no good reason why a law against poisoning tobacco should not be made a success. Throe Harvest Ex««rt o<ii. T}ie Burlington Route, G.. B. &Q. R. B..W1I1 #rtl from principal stations on Its lines, on Tuesdays. Aug. 25 and Sept. 15 and 20, Har­ vest Excursion Ticket* at Lnvr to principal cities and points in the Farming Keglons of the West. Southwest and North west. For tickets aud further information Concerning these excursions, call cn your nearest C., B. & Q. ticket agent, or address f. S. EVSTIS, Gen'l Pass, and Ticket Agent, Chicj For Dyspepsia. A. Bellanger, Propr. dry, Montagnv, Quebec;. have used Augtist Flower Si pepsia. It gave me greatarihC retfcraimend it to all very good remedy/" Ed. Bergeron, Genen2 Lanzon, Levis, Quebec, have used Augtist Floe best possible resul s for P jpijiim C. A. Barrington, md General Smith, Sydney, ^writes: "AugustFlower! a complete cure in my case, ~SL ed like a miracle/' Geo. Gates, Corinth J 011 consider your Ai^nst best remedy in the world £17 pepsia. I was aln*c*=? wrstihi . that disease, but used «cvtraS of August Flower, and nc**» sider myself a well mats- I «5:i)@aarely recommend this inediciaK ing humanity the wnorfci erwa..^ G. G. GREEN, Sole XaxaffcctKio; Woodbury, J»ew Jeryr?. I lioago, 111. •PROCESS WORK" has rendered engrav­ ing so cheap that the picture in your dally newspaper is Just as likely to repre­ sent a candidate for constable as one of the crowned heads of Europe. " NOT YET.--The Hon. Lycurgus Merri- weather then arose to ask for informa­ tion. He had been informed by a oolored butcher weighing 212 pounds that the Cotton Blossom Club proposed to erect a National asylum for the re­ ception and care of decayed white­ washes and chimney-sweeps. If this news were true he wanted to say that he was heart and band in favor of the project, and desired to speak for places ior his uncle, brother-in-law and brother, who came under the head of "decayed.* "De news are ahead of time, Brudder Merriweather,"~ replied the President. "Dar' has bin some talk, but no steps hev yit been tookin, an* it will be quite safe fur you to advice your varus rela­ tives to keep right on airniu' deir own livin' as hard as dey kin." EASILY SETTLED.--At this juncture ' CHANGE for the worse--Contrlbut'-on, Participation White, who had been j *** ^ie heathen. . wriggling about for some time, arose ALBERT BTJRCH, West T0M0, OMo. mya: 'Hall's CVUaxrh Cure saved my lire." Write him lor particulars. Sold by Druggists, 7de. WITHIN the j.ast tliroS month-; Injunc­ tions have been give# again>t 150 saloons in Dubu-juo, Iowa, a prohib tlon State, and not oue has been closod. THIS century has produced no woman who bas done so miK-h to educate her sex to a thorough and proper knowledge of them­ selves as Mrs. Lydia E. Pinkham. PATJL KRVGKR, the Rresident of the Transvaal, receives a salary of £^,030 a year, but is not mu h on style. IT afflicted with Bore Eyes, nao Dr. lsa.% Thompson^ Eye Water. Druggists sell it '45o. He* Had the CAIUIOIXITON. GCTOO 5a highly recomnipsad OL.1 TOBIO TO anybody t b»S aa.* SAFFERNS )m ; vche as my son did for i jwrk. . •»f tha madioiiM auaati baaa. w.. --all Gone the ®ainf«l disorderB and chronic weaknesses peculiar -to the female sex. They of Dr. Pierce's Favorite Piescri They go, with the use rite Prescrip­ tion. Periodical pains, ^weak back, bearing-down sensations, -nervous prostration, all female complaints are cured by it. It is purely vege­ table and perfectly harmless--a powerful general, as weTl as uterine, tonic ax^pei'vine, imparting -vigor and strength to the whole svstem. It costs you nothing if it fails to give satisfaction. It^s guaranteed to do so, in every case, or the money is refunded. It can be guaranteed --for it does it. No other medicine for women is sold on such terms. That's the way its makers prove their faith in it. Contains no alco­ hol to inebriate; no syrup or eugar to derange digestion; a legitimate medicine, not a beverage. Purely vegetable and perfectly harmless in any condition of the system. World's Dispensary Medical As­ sociation, Proprietors, No. 603 Main Street, Buffalo, N. Y. The Soap that Cleans Most is Lenox. in returniug»to the brig. What had occurred only deepened the mystery. There was a ship, evi­ dently in the best condition, but with­ out a sail *et and in charge of only one man. Instead of persuing her voyage she was drifting like a log. If in dis­ tress she showed no signal and one of our men had just been murdered while we were on the way to offer our serv­ ices. It was a pretty tougb nut to crack, but our captain was determined to find the kernel. We hauled back on our course :iud again overtook the ship and this time we ran down so close to or other evidences of murder in the or- { dinarv way, we had to accept the sail- j or's statement about tbe poison. , He I had dragged every dead man on deck • and thrown over, and when the gale j ceased the ship had taken her own way > to come about and go driving off. The villain had no idea as to where she would bring up, and he didn't care so long as ne was not overhauled. After a great deal of hard work we got both crafts safely to Cape Town, and there the wholesale murderer was turned over for trial. He toid the story , , . ,,, - , , . of the poisoning a^s coolly as you please, her that one could have pitched his cap . and j shalI never forget his statemeut aboard. Every man of us was looking, Qf what followed after the liquor was but we saw only that Portuguese sailor. He had five or six muskets piled up on the cabin skylight and he turned his back on us as we swept past. The decks were clear and in perfect order and the Bails had been neatly stowed and furled. "What's the matter:! What has hap­ pened! What do you want!" So our captain shouted at the man, but he paid not the slightest heed. We ran ahead of her about a mile and then luffed up again, aud -as the ship came drifting down the captain said: "There's been some awful doings aboard^ yonder craft. It hasn't been mutiny, because there'd be more meu about, but I'm thinking that man has some how made way with every other soul! It's our duty to solve the mys­ tery if w-e can, but we don't want any more murders. Mr. Piper, you will pull off to him Again and try to get aboard. Take a musket with19 you. aud if he fires at you try and kill him!" Iwent^ff, with two more men, hold­ ing the boa* aeross the course of the drifting ship. Wlaen she was within musket-shot, the Portugese began blaz­ ing away. I eould only see the top of his head above the rail, as the ship had high bulwarks, and I don't suppose my bullet even whistled in his ea«'s. He had a terrible advantage of us. but I had determined to make a dash and board him, when liis third shot struck one of my men in the arm and crippled him for life, and within fifteen seconds he fired again and knocked my hat off my head. There was intense excitement aboard the brig when we pulled back. Every man of us flow felt that the Portugue-e was the sole survivor of some awful tragedy, and that he meant to fight to the death to keep us from boarding the ship. We were more than full-handed on the brig, there being four mou who had paid the captain a lew dollars each and were working the balance of their passage. liquor served out. "Captain he fall down and cry out and die!" explained the liend. "Then the mate he roll over and scream and go dead. Then the sailors call to God to save 'em, but all go dead in one-half hour!" "Then what?" was asked. "Then I laugh ha! ha! ha! an^ throw 'em all overboard! Some sink and some float away!" I was present when he was executed. During all his trial and imprisonment he never expressed the slightest regret for his awful crime. There was a de­ mand that he be hung alive in chains, but of conrse nothing of the sort could be legally done. He walked to the gallows with stpiling face, bowed, tq Jhe crowd gathered to see him die and shouted.so that all could hear: "I killed seventeen men, and you kill only one--ha! ha! ha!"-- M. Quad, in Kew York World. THE PRESIDENT. and inquired if the proceedings of the Club were conducted according to par­ liamentary rule*. "Dev i*," replied the President; Theu Brother White was stiil more mixed. In case he should offer a reso­ lution to donate the sum of $1,000 to the African Missionary Fund, and Pickles Smith should offer an amend­ ment to make it $500, and Sindig Wat- kins should move to lay it on the table, and CoL Cabiff should move to ad­ journ ? Well, sah ?" queried Brother Gard­ ner as the speaker paused. And Waydown Beebe should call fcr the ayes and noes, and Sir Isaac Wal­ pole arise to a question of privilege. What course would the President pur­ sue? He had consulted two street-car conductors and a man who owns a whole fi*h market, but none of them oould work it out. "My co'se would be very plain, sah," answered the President. "I should fnst remove my coat. If dat didn't stop de row should remove my vest If de eon- fusion still continued to elucidate I should jump down from de platform an* start fur de back eand of de hall. I should move slowlv, an' as I went I should strike out right an' left, au* ky de time I reached de alley it would be necessary to call fur leben ambulances. When Mr. Cushin' writ his manuel it was intended to kiver all cases up to a certain pint. Arter dat pint was passed it was supposed de PreMdent had de muscle an' science to handle de crowd. "It is now time to disrunt de meetin' an' go home."--Xetc York World. Hut luviteil. A semi-tragic incident occurred at a pioneer dinner party at Green Bay, Wb., in the early days of this century. Charles Keaume was an exemplification So Opium In Plso's Cure for Consumption. Cures where other remediea faiL 2&0. THEKE are 31 millionaires in Denver. Lmaeatsm, IS'L, W0». • A b o u t t w o y o s r e . * 9 ® v x v s i i M M '•ottlee of Koenig'e 7«*s»s -olMfc. "fence; since then msui v 3n t on our rocoin :no COM $««.. u«) a£U waiO •*wead wltb theeood a£ tie* VKBWS21. .araiESBL jERfflCTTOtev J£i.. 3M. ' Ify Tittle Bine-year old gtri St. WiflW for about a year. Tnn> NrA'.jr.'t ••*T nlg'B Norvi> Tonic eurcu Swr. fRt torn9 of it einee a yoar. 1 tho Toitks 11 witii reooexswKv<I ts>ha, E/» Ms r'ji FREE! --A ValoMa Brwft mm XMseiuu*-* Im> u» are _nd j>oor js.Cei3V c this mertirtoB ivvm This remedy has l<eei> (ar* Paator Koeiiiff, of For! V.nmr. ' tianow prepared unde >• hi* iUxccth.su. M* KOENIC MED.CO^CfiJ>casPfc-l 80M by Broreista a* «I ewr ESmMee. Parses SUe, S1.75. 6BatU«s*ar«»k ? • My Liver Bas for a' year canaed ma a great deal of trouble. H»d 8OROAE*8 ID ttie back, little api>etxt«. a bitter i«stc to the motilh. and a seneral bjwt feeliuc all wer tliat 1 couJd not locate. Bava been takiiut Hood's Ssrsatiarilia for the part thraa nwnii. vriUi •re lit • euetit. I fe«l better, UMS Bad Tcflte in the Mouth tfcffone and my eenoral health is attain quite food. No longer feel tbo<4 tirod speUs oome over "in n X former, r did. Hood's Sarsaparllla la certalolj a most excellent medicine.' B. CHASE, Fall Iiivi r. Mtaa. -V. ». mre to (ret Hoo1 •« Ran>apaHIIa. Maa L Di nnni Send drip on cle»n pieoe white bloltlar OLUUil. with a«e. sox, occtu>ation. Sllcrw *cope tnnKcufy W.tKli) ti-uen. T«nr ditifa tree parUculait DR. T. X.CKOWLEV Terrt- Hanto lad. 7 (\ Mrx. AJiee Maple. Oregon, Mo., writeai i < Vlf I J "My weight wonhiS) pounds, now it is 19& a rednotion of lSSlhs." For circular* mldrpsw, with6eM £)r.O.W.F.SN V1>EH. MoVicker'*Tlieatre, Chicago.ia A NAICKSIS el vep instant relief. #nd is an 1NKALLI- HLE > UHi; for FII.K8. Price, ; at dru^KisiH or by mail. 8a nt>le.s free. Addrehs "AN.4KESIS," liox J416. NEW VOUU CIT*. © #1HT FOLKS REDUCED reiinotion of 12511 )r. O.W.F.SN V1>E PILES DONALD KENNEDY Of May, Miss, sip Kennedy's Medical Discovery cures Horrid Old So^es, Deep Seated Ulcers of 40 years' standing, Inward Tumors, and RELIEVES oil Stomach Dlatitaac .REMOVES Nausea, Sena* aI Ml CONGESTION, y*RSR. REVIVES FAIUSO ENERGV- RESTORES Korma.1 CTnmlatfa^ WARMS TO TOE TUBS. BR. NARTKI MEDICINE CA.. *' m- It was sugfcested that the jatkttor and the weather prophet ot the clnb be in­ structed to experiment with chloride of lime, garden hose, hand-pumps and 1 °' 'he old adage of a "rolling atone." j other thing* and see if a cheap bat ef-, He cculd never siick to one place or one \ nf th* ctin fective fire eitingui^her could not be thing for any great length of time. He j every disease OI tne Skin, eX- produced to protect the'hall. led an easy, happy-go-lncky life, and in Ou motion of Judge Cabiff the report J course of his wanderings went to of the committee was accepted and j ^reen Bay, where he did ' a little adopted and everybody at once experi- i trading. 8w»rt SeiMiy nioobumper. * Wbat a fine boy Benny is getting to be," remarked Mr. Bloobumper'a mother-in-law, who was taking dinner with Bioobamper. " Y«M, indeed,* replied Bloo hamper, proudly, "fife's a regular logician, too; he'll ask questions and deduce con­ clusions in a masterly manner. He's inherited his father's brain power," added Bloobumber, modestly. A few moments later the conversation turned m>on mormonism and Benuj ia his search for knowledge asked: "Papa, what i-t a mormon?" "A. mormon, Benny, is a man Vbo marries more than one wife." "Then you are a mormon, ain't you, papa?" asked Bennv, anxious to display the deductive powers which his father had commended. "I a mormon, Benny? "Why, how in the world did you get such an idea iuto If we iound the f-hip without: your head as thut?f crew enough to work her we could take her in and claim a pretty lump of sal­ vage. This fact had its influence ou our captain, no doubt, though I believe he would have stood by her uniil the Why, I heard yoa tell Mr. Spatts yesterday that you had married all your wife's family." "Airs. Bioobnmper," said that gentle­ man, turning to his wife, ""1 think mystery was solved to satisfy his own j Benny hod better be sent to bed now. cariosity. It was now decided to send ; He's been up quite late enough."--Our out two boats, and after rumiaging j Monthly. around we armed ourselves with three old muskets and a revolver--all the • "How OLD is the Hessian fly?" a^ks a lire-arms the brig could boast of. The , correspondent Old as the American first mate took one boat with three men Revolution. Washington made the in it, OT<? ? took the other with an equal j Hessian fly at Trenton One day Reaume invited John Porlier, Laurent Fily and three other men to dine with him, and arranged a really nice little dinner for them. The princi­ pal dish was pe-ice-ta-gah, composed of dried venison finely pounded, and cooked in maple sugar aud bear's oil. lawsuits and to know j ?nd it was regaided as a most appetiz- (ossum and felt she ! in8 disIi- As Beaume was seating his guests about the table, a half-breed, Amable Chevelier, made his appearance. He looked the table over and then slyly re­ marked that there were not plates enough, as be saw none for himself. "You won't see any plate for you at my table," Keaume gruffly answered. The half-breed already owed Keaume a grudge, and his quick temper taking affront at this reply, he seized the op­ portunity to be revenged. "Shol Won't 1?" he anwered, scorn­ fully, and in an instant snatched Keaume's red cap from his head and laid it on the table. "Here's my plate," he cried, and he plunged both hand* into the pe-wc-ta- gall, scooped out a mess, aud flung it iuto the cap. Reaume was as quick as he, for the BRANCH CLITBS.--Applications were J next n>ome.ot the capful of hot venison enced a feel in <r of great relief. A SLIGHT MISTAKK.--Under the head of "communications" the Secretary read a letter from Mary Jane Light- fight of Jackson, Mich., who asked to be effected as :a member of the club. Slie claimed to have been a witness in three different how to roast a possessed all other necessary qualifica­ tions. Elder Nightfall Turner, who had settled himself down for an hour's nap and was already' nodding, suddenly bobbed up, and moved that the rule* be suspended and the applicant voted in. A hush as of death at once fell ur»on the meeting. Brother Gard- j ner didn't say a word in reply, but he , looked down upon the Elder in such a cold, unfeeling manner that the flatter , broke both suspenders as he sat down | and tried to roll up in a small buud e. | After a couple of minutes of painful si- i lence the President quietly observed: { "Mary Jane has simply made a mis- take an' sent her applicoshun to de. wrong club. What she wants to jine is j a society fur teachin' de modern wife j how to run de kitchen part of de hou <e. ! cept Thunder Humor, and I Cancer that has taken root. Price $i.$o. bold by every Druggist in the U. S. ami Canada.^ • " pDWflV' II READY RE! Illinois State: Medical InsiHatau I09 State St., Chicago^ Chartered by the State.- Authorized Capital' SI5Q.OOK Conducted by a Ftrll Staff of of whom are noted German' FOR THE EXCLUSIVE TREXTIRQNR OF ALL CHRONIC Ample Facilities for Roam and Each Dlneaao treated by a Fhys»Iirtliir» 1 tta gpecinlty; five of ourctftlTreceirtaffflM tlbli and experience In Kurnpe. whore a Dm SUfcly srirn yf/rs lnston.l of ttire 1A1S tier*. ted with Ciifhrrh. Von^itnptiau llrtM lAtng Tremble, ((insult oar SpeefBi1»a. Ol mentof Stomach, Lriiier, iluirt and XHttatfr has 110 equal. Rheumatism, OoU**, Tape Worm anA J fairs treated. Our German Eye and Bar Specifcifcft ha many oufes wbon pronounced tncur«.Mw. Our treatment fnr Ejnlepry, Paraltemil Trovbh t has met with vonciertul suit*®*. Dellcutc Pi-oiwes 1 >f Men or Womeo iM apecial provision made tor their trsAUu<*nt. Strictest privacy malatetned aud all ccm tWDScoufldeniial. _ CONSULTATION FREE; IX afflicted wtth aaj"4isc^;>« o4tlress lu mtxr ILLINOIS STATE MEDICAL IKSTiTOTE, K !C3 State Sireel, tlieu read for the establishment of branch clubs at Toronto, Ontario and Hamilton, O., and as all requirements had been complied wfth in each case the prayer of the petitioners was granted. The petitioners at Toronto are very fortunate in having secured as their first President Judge Paradox Jone», a colored citizen who is worth over $20,000 in cash, and who is known all over Ontario a-t the only man who can sharpen a lawn-mower on his boot­ leg. A communication, dated at a county jail in Indiana, and signed by Prof. Canterbury Taylor, waa then read. The Professor lives in Indiana, and olr.ims stew was dashed into Amable's face. The half-breed retaliated by scooping up another handful the dish and fling­ ing it full in lieaume's face. The two men then grappled with each other and fought furiously. They rolled over ard over upon the floor, each trying for the advantage. Scenes of this kind were not so very infreqent then, and for a time the gueats contented themselves with watch­ ing the contest: but when the half-breed tried to stab his opponent, they inter­ fered between the angry combatants and sent Amable on his way. Matters were soon set to rights, and the dinner proceeded merrily, Respite to be the first man in America to dis-j unlucky beginning. IMKKNAIXV A hall fc) a tcn^pout.lul 10 li.nf a tmnD - r ot w.t- r will in a tow >11 rut^s ture CHOI.Kit A MO It HI'S, MIAMI**-. SOUK STOMACH. NAt'SKA. VOMHIVU, HKAKTIil'KN. DIAHKHKA. Dye (e-y, Siiiiiir.Pi'C<iin|>liili!t. Colic, Kiatn etiov. Kuini- In* S;>e 's, JN'Orvou«::e-s. Sleep OMne».s Siefc lieiuhu-he, nn all internal pa :i». i its variou-; tor-ns cured anil prev'Ht-'d. Tlierc is nnt a remfdial ait-nt in the wor'd hat wll cur-, f- v r arid Ainie and all other £0.e-r (*' e<1 h- RAILWAY'S I'lU S) so QU ckly aa HAD WAV'S RBADV liKI.IKF. ACHES AND PAINS. Forhcxdft^he fwbet icrnicfe orucrvous!, I^othachft, nentaitia. nt!rvousne«« and *Jef>i>l<*»i<n rheiro«- tif-tn, lurobaco. p.iins an 1 weikne«< In ill- back, spine or ktd!>e\K. pu ns arouuil the iver ••lour.wv, r>t th" j'-inith, aDd p»t> k of all ki x.b. tho aypli'-. '"n o> It^d«'av's B«. dr Be lef wil! 'ff rd in niesVat-ease, ami ifc< contiouru u^c tor a tow flairs t-: ert * permanent cur-. 50c. Slotl'p. So'd I>T DADWAY 19 PILIJ EWIS* 98 1* L I PowdntKi UIHI hi Jl"ATfc»XKI» > Tbe ttrmuirst ann wmi made. Will make tb» bmxS fuuied Hard Hoap nimwtna; without boilinsj. If 3m* Best tor scfttTjitaj cleansinn ^ dratoltafc . ing eiuks, cluscts, 1 teiw- / ties, iiaims, tries, e PEm. SALT WF'S 6§J) Gen. ANTS., VHNA.. Fla. RELIEF. "Hang 8f ail."SI riM!* •» -- cvcrywhciv, Aumist IS, 1S31- Adiaww NashMt ««).««•! Pells Hwlf- PtawMjIifc;.!?' Mniaiiiu lnukihs. Tummy tries It. ICftiMt at Ik. 45.00 v?orth of pun- fi:n J<ir 1 .»<•. -',y«-c85 , buixlreds tiaiiv. 5I«llod I*pnni <•:< Tr«d« «»pp!!eil hy A. A itirWfc Chk'iijo, New York uu«2. rv Six s 10 J S. Zl I C Sold h Utig in PILLS, An Excellent and Mild Cut uavtic. P-.ie'y \e-> ctable. Th<- safest and best inixtiel ie in UM world for *l>e cure of all disorders oI th# Uver. Mumwli. or BowrK Taken accordai* to diwtioos. tner will rntort health and renew v>ta itv. P. ic". I'SC. a box Ko.d bv all dnmrt***. or mailed hy RAD WAY & CO. 23 Warren 6tr*«v Xo* York, 60 rei-«ipt ot price. Job NewspaperPresses Of th© Ja^'st and besr d • .>* c-; ' t>{* : • ...... , au«l at resst.ttaM- t> t.--«. F<w t • itbmr p>irikii!«rti .ddr<»-s CHICAGO NEWSPAPER TJKHUt* 87« SO* 91 Jt 93 S- JfcttVxr»oti us . I if Tiy «•' • L u oh i NT SOUGIT^S WANTFn! to mi *>: 1- »* p»> »»* • to tlM .i iuo:iib STONE & WELLINGTON, JNUdi^u t\ N. U. ' Vin. •£ HEN WIUTKO TO 4»aS.T»8Mk jilrasc MY YOA MW th* A*«o<M*a«II !• thiai pai»cr. nil? where Child* uou C O N S M O P T I O N ' J;: .. .3 t;X r . • A