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UNCLE JED'S THEOLOGY, strong holt hain't religion, nor eddjoatten Mmrjrnm bu feelln'a no ignorano® can mother, {®| 521 abont that life *-comin\ Aft UMm there gold*-n mansions we speot to make our hum id, fj|» mot» I wt an' raaaon, the low* the pa* acta*» _ preactaln* . , ©Wt seem to jib® nurt&lly with oommoa »en»e'# teachin' Hot meania' nothin' weeked, to nw the £lbto story ' .Slakes Heaven oat too •cramptioas, too fall o' frills an' glory. 3f<m titer* was ol' Ik* Bomers, that's dud an' gone before as, Ton wouldn't ketob him jlnin' no hallaluyer chorus; I'd laugh * o see him standin' long legged, limp an' luukin'. Among the angil harpers, (tuMllr plink pluDkin't Os oneidleeo*pleasure was Jlattofoaftshin'; set from noon till evenin' watchin' his oork an' wishin'. His pail an' pile o' minniea was all his heart's .. 4©sira, Hi sharp stone underneath 'ttn waa soft as a soflar. Ncnr takin'this life's longin's and jedgin' that accordin' If Ike is up In glory he's fl-thin' on the Jordan: An' if the fish ain't bitin' in none of Heaven's cricks, XU bet •» load o' pankins yonll find him on the Styx. Mm* there was Passon Williams, whose lay waa tradin'hoaxes; No man could tell yon better the sinner's pains an: iogses, Rut If thcy'T= tarred in Hoavon his ono bcsot- [ ^ ting evil,. Oara druther be In limbo a-swappin' with the /*•'; devil! An' ae to folka a-livin', take Uncle Hiram Mar­ tin; ' Sbay's on'y oneenj'yment be ever takes apart in. In other okkypationa he's hardly fa'r to mid- dlln' Bat, bless ye, how be wakes up when he etarta iu ft-flddlin'I "Ndw, angU«, git yer pardners," that's what you'd hear 'im holler; "St. Peter, set 'er ro.lin', an' all the restU toi­ ler; Bore's two more conple wanted, come hurry up an' fall in; Now everybody's ready, saloot an' mind the callinT , An' there's Aunt Peggy Martin, her modeo'ree- reatin' Xa traipain' round to funerals, all up an' down c eution. Hi gosh, I'm feered Aunt Peggy's next life 11 pan out dreary, For in the bull o' Heaven there ain't no ceme­ tery. As I sed in beginnln', I never had no schoolin', An' p'raps you'll think my fancies are thinnest kind o' uiooiin'; Tet I've a sneakiu' notion I'm Jest a* good at guessin'. As any theoloager that ever got a blessin'. --Chicago Herald. THE STOAVVAY. The ice was heavy on the Baltic that season, it was the latter part of 1876, and we expected to be in Eng­ land by Christmas; but the weather was clear and fine, and the old boat­ swain (pund time that Sunday morn­ ing to drop his whistle to the end of his lanyard and step into the galley to warm his hands for a few minutes. He lit his pipe with a red coal, and turning to the ship's only passenger, said-- You was a sayin' last night, sir, that you hadn't got no faith in stow­ aways. Well, no more have I, gen­ erally speakin'; but I once ran foul of one that wasn't so bad as the rest. It's nigh on to six years ago, when I was quartermaster in a steamer, the Zebra, lyin' at her wharf in Calcutta and load in' up for Glasgow. The Hooghly was crowded with sailing vessels that couldn't get crews and most of their men had deserted, and shipped in steamers that was goin' through the Suez Canal, that had just been opened. They all wanted to get home quick, you see, and to go by the new fangled route to save making a four months' run round the Cape. The steamers had all the men they wanted, and a sight more offers from good able-bodied seamen than they could take. The Zebra was to touch at Londonderry on her way home, and the night that we cast loose at Calcutta, with the pilot on board, and dropped down the river with the tide, the skipper was grumblin' like a bear because somehow or other, be had shipped five more men than be wanted. Three of them were Irishmen, and like the rest of the crew, they had got advanced notes for a month's pay, and cashed them, so to say the truth, he was afraid they'd take French leave at London­ derry. The pilot had gone over the side, the watch had been set, and the steamer was driven down the Bay of Bengal, and getting on well towards the Indian Ocean where there was a row toward, and the bo'sun came att to where the skipper was standing on the poop. He was draggin' a young­ ster about sixteen years old, by the collar of the jacket, along with him. 4'I hooked him' out of the fore hatch, your honor," he says. "I heard him scratchin' around, and I raised the hatchway and there he lay." "I was tryin' to get out, sir." said the lad, very bold and polite. "I suppose I'm a stowaway, but I'm a sailor and willing to work. I asked for a berth on board the Zeb^p and eould't get it; so when they thought I was goin' ashore in the dingey I slipped into the fore-hold. I'm bound for Magherafelt, in Londonderry, where my mother lives. 1 don't want any pay, but if you'll let me work my passage you$von*t be sorry for it." Our skipper was a terribly rough man. Turning to me, he said: "Quartermaster, put that young imp in irons for to-night. I'll see what it's best to do with him in the morning*. If he doesn't gooverboard it's Glasgow he'll land at, and not Londonderry." I was sorry for-the poor lad, but 1 had to obey orders, and the irons were soon on his wrists and ankles'in the for'c'Stle. He was terribly upset, and when I was on watch that night I went to him and tried to cheer him up. It was getting on for four bells when the mate said he'd like to see the bay, and he went into the fo'c'stle. "Now, my lad," he says, stooping over him with a lantern, "tell us all about it. What did you stow away for? Why didn't you ship in a sail­ ing vessel if you wanted to go home k> see your mother?" "Oh, sir," says the youngster, with Ihe tears in his eyes, as he sat up alongside of the post that he was tied to, "I should have been too late, and she'd have been in the poor-house. You see, I ran away from home two years ago, and went to sea, because I was the oldest of the three, and she wasn't able to feed us all. I've sent her a little money since then, and I've had letters from her, but I've never seen her. The day before yes­ terday I got a letter sayin' that poor Saltie, my little sister, sir, wan dead. It. had taken all her money to bury her, and the quarter's rent will be due in a month. If it is not paid she will be put out. I have saved £15, and I wanted to give it to her with my own hands. I wish now I had sent it to her; but maybe I can post it to her at Londonderry if he takes me on to Glasgow." Dashed if the mate's eyes weren't dim, and I couldn't see very clearly myself when the youngster stopped talk in'. "Hold up your head, my lad," says the mate, "and I'll say a word or two to the skipper." He went out of the fo'c'stle, and I followed him close enough to hear the boy's story told again. The skipper thought about it for a few seconds. Then he spoke; and we both knew by the tones of his voice that one of his hardest fits was on him. "I don't see. "he said, "what I have to do with all this. I don't want any more hands, and I won't have any more. But we can stand an­ other passenger. You sav the young­ ster has £15. Well, he can pay part of his fare at least, and I will give, him a cabin berth and set him ashore at Londonderry. Go and get the money from him." But the mate's face showed plain enough that the irons should go on him first. The skipper saw it, ana called to me to uniron the lad and bring him out of the fo'c'stle. When he was on the main deck, the skipper says to him: "Youngster, the mate tells me that you have £15 about you?" "Yes, sir," says the boy. "Hand it oyer," says the skipper shortly. The boy turned white, but he pulled a little canvass bag from his bosom and gave it to the skipper, who counted fifteen ten-rupee notes out of it "Now this," he says, "won't half- pay your passage to Londonderry; but I won't be hard on you. You can go aft, and the steward will give you a berth." The youngster walked aft without a word, and from that minute until the vessel was off the coast of Ire­ land, he hardly spoke at all; and some of the passengers, who didn't know his story, said he was going home to die, he drooped and looked so pale and weak. It was an awful night that saw us off the shore of Londonderry; a dead lee shore it was then, and the steam­ er, with a broken shaft, drifting on to it. We could hear the waves break­ ing near us, and we had passed the light that we should have been mak- in' for. "Mr. Reynolds," said the skipper to the mate, as they stood together on the bridge, "we'll be on the rocks in half an hour." "Seems so, sir," said the mate stiffly. He had not liked the skipper since the bov's money was taken from him in the Bay of Bengal. The water was far to deep to let go an anchor, even if one could have held, which it couldn't in the gale. Enough head sail had been set to keep the steamer from broachin'-to, but all hands saw that, as things were goin', she would soon be on the rocks. Suddenly the skipper started as some one touched him on the shoul­ der. The youngster was standing be­ side him. "I was born on that coast, sir," he said, very slow, "and I know every rock on it. I know, besides, a chan­ nel on the port bow. We'll soon be off it. Shall I take you in?" "If you think you can," says the skipper, "do. It don't make much difference,'^he says, turnin' to the mate, "for we're bound to go ashore anyhow. I'll give him the wheel." The youngster took the wheel, and headed her, it seemed to all of us, for where the breakers sounded loud­ est The big fellow that helped him was told to do just as the lad ordered him. It wa^ A ticklish time for all hands. But, all at once, the rocks seemed to open in front, and the steamer ran through a passage not fifty yards across, and in five minutes we were at anchor in smooth water. The next mornin' the skipper says to his passenger: "Here's £15 that I owe you; and the company will cash this for you, sir, for savin' their ship." And he gave the youngster an order for £100. There was nothin' proud about the lad. He took the money, paid his mother's rent, and gave her a snug sum for housekeepin'. What became of him? Well, he and I have been shipmates pretty nigh ever since, though he's heaved many a knot ahead of me. That's him callin' mc now, concluded the boatswain, press­ ing the fire out of his pipe with bis thumb, and going out on the deck, where the master wanted him to mus­ ter the men to Sunday service. For Newly Married People. The newly-married, and those about to ignore Punch's proverbial advice, seem always to be' "a mark" foir trade ' circulars and advertise­ ments. For delicacy of feeling and kindly sympathy the following is likely hard to better: "Having heard the happy news of your ap­ proaching marriage I have the pleas­ ure of offering you my services in set­ ting your teeth in complete order as per annexed price list This opera­ tion, which is useful in all ordinary events of life, is indispensible under the present circumstances. The first impressions of married life are ineffa­ ceable, and their consequences of the greatest gravity. I therefore cannot too strongly advise you to have your teeth thoroughly cleansed by a skill­ ful and conscientious practitioner."-- Lady's Pictorial. ME PAID TO BE COWHIDED. FroT*rb». TRey embrace the wide sphere of human existence, they take all the colors of life, they are often exquisite strokes of genius, tney delight by the airy sarcasm of their caustic sa­ tire, the luxuriance of their humor, the playfulness of their imagery, and the tenderness of their sentiment They give a deep insight into domestic life, and open for us the heart of man, in all the various states which be may occupy. A frequent review of proverbs should enter into our readings; and although they are no longer the ornaments of conversation, they have not ceuseu to be the treas­ ure of thought. new a saloon-Keeper Got aSO far riog- a Han. In early life the saloon keeper, who tsan intelligent, observing man, with fc keen appreciation of the humorous and a fair knowledge of human na­ ture, had been a hotel porter and worked in most of the big hostelries in the city,and had also done rail­ roading and "shadowing," the latter for a short time only, it being dis­ tasteful, says the New York Herald. When in a talkative mood he could tell experiences enough of his hotel days to fill a large volume and fur­ nish material for a dozen divorces. But the fallowing remarkable inci­ dent in his career, he said, furnished him more food for reflection than the rest of his life put together. He vouches for the truthfulness of" the story, ana gave me the name of an­ other party who could do the same, though he aid not want the names published. I give the story in his own words: ' •! had not been long in the liquor business at the time what I am about to tell you happened. Things were very slew and I was in the blues, not knowing what was to bccome of me or what to do. I was, in fact, des­ perate, I kept a little place in the neighborhood of 23d street and 2d avenue. That was eighteen or twen­ ty years ago. One evening as I was pondering over my affairs the head porter of the hotel, which I had lately left, dropped in and .'told me there was a gentlsjpjan staying at the hotel who wanted a good, strong man to do some work for him and that it would be worth $20 or $25. "Great Scott! It was a regular mine to me and I jumped at the of­ fer. The porter (who is now at the -----house) did not know the nature of the work, but said the gentleman would call around the next evening to see me. I began to speculate as to what it was my prospective em­ ployer wanted and the peculiar means he took to have it done. That night I turned the mat­ ter over and over in my mind, and the only conclusion I could come to was that he required me to slug some fellow who was his rival in the affections of a lady or the de­ stroyer of his home. "The thought was not agreeable, but the hopeless state of my treasury silenced all qualms of conscience, and as for fighting, why, man alive! at that time I would just as soon fight as eat About 9 o'clock th6 next evening a man of gentlemanly ap­ pearance about 35 or 40 years of age, as well as I could judge, came into my place. He was neatly dressed, smooth-faced, and apparently of Southern or Spanisn blood. He might have been an unfrocked priest "After assuring himself that I was the party he was in quest of, he pro­ ceeded to disclose the nature of his business, having done which I was more astonished than ever and pinched myself to see if I was awake He drew from under his coat a great strip of cowhide, and told me that I was to beat him with it for a certain time, taking no heed of his cries or entreaties for mercy. I thought the man was insane and remonstrated with mm, but finally consented to do as he desired. There was nobody around. I locked the front door, lowered the lights and we adjourned to the back room, where I closed the windows to prevent the noise reach­ ing the neighboring tenements. "My mysterious guest having dis­ robed himself, I commenced my terri­ ble task. It was frightful at first, but after a short time I became callous and inflicted untold torture. He begged, prayed, clasped me around the kness, but I kept right on as if infuriated. When the time was up 1 was blowing like a porpoise from my exertion. Then I began to realize the horrible position I bad placed my­ self in if anything happened to my victim. I came out and stood behind the bar a few moments and then car­ ried him a stimulant, which he re­ fused. "Having dressed himself without the assistance and complimented me on how the disagreeable work was performed, he placed two $10 bills on the bar and walked out, and my heart was relieved of a mighty load. I never saw him again and never could learn anything of him. •'Previous to undergoing the pun­ ishment he described all the agonies of the terrible ordeal so minutely that I am inclined to believe he had been through the mill before. I have never been able to reason out to my satisfaction what object a man could have in torturing himself in such a manner." Australia's Pest. The plague of rabbits in Australia cannot be described without seeming exaggeration to those who have not had experience of it Originally in­ troduced in a colony of about a score of individuals by a squatter near Melbourne, who thought their famil­ iar presence on his station would "re­ mind him of home," they have kept the recollection of England so fresh in the minds of pastoralists as to tempt them to very treasonable lan­ guage concerning her whenever rab­ bits are mentioned. The fecundity of the rabbit is amusing, and his invasion of remote districts swift and mysterious. Care­ ful estimates show that uuder favor­ able conditions a pair of Australian rabbits will produce six litters a year, averaging five individuals each. As the offspring themse.ves begin breed­ ing at. the age of six months, it is shown at this rate the original pair might be responsible in five years for a progeny of over 20,000,000. That the original score which were brought to the country have propagated after some snch ratio no one dan doubt who has seen the enormous hordes that now devastate the land in cer­ tain districts. In all but the remot­ er sections, however, the rabbits are now fairly under control; one rabbiter with a pack of dogs supervises sta­ tions where 100 were employed ten years ago, and with ordinary vigilence the squatters have little to fear. Mil­ lions of the animals have been killed by fencing in the water holes and dams daring the dry season, whereby they die from thirst, and lay in enor­ mous piles against the obstructions they had frantically and vainly striv­ en to climb, and poisoned grains and fruits have killed myriads more. A fortune o! 20.000 pounds, offered by the New South Wales Government, %till awaits the man who can invent some means of general destruction, and the knowledge of this fact has brought to the notice of the Various colonial gevernments some very orig­ inal devices. Pipe-day and Bras*; A hundred years ago the British soldier was a hard worked man. No matter how severe the marching on long campaigns, or the incessant drills iii time of peace, several hours each day were required to .keep his uniform in order. There were large decorations in it of brass which must be polished until they shone like gold, and others which must be pipe-clayed until they were white as snow. His huge boots weighed him down as he walked. It never occurred to his comman­ ders that this burden of costume could be made less heavy. It had descended to him from Englishmen who had carried it through many a well-fought field, and in the eyes of all loyal Britons, useless and cum­ brous as it was, it was sacred. The discipline of the army was se- yere. He might march waist-deep through mud or blood all day long, but he must appear on parade to­ morrow. pipe-clayed and polished to perfection. In the beginning of this century Sir Arthur Wellesley took command of the British army in India. The heat was intense, the men. were ex­ hausted by long marches and hard fighting. His first order changed the big boots for low, light shoes, and his second swept away all pipe-clay and brass except in the belt Military men in England were dis­ turbed at this attack on precedent, but it made every man in the army the friend of Arthur Wellesley. None of his brilliant victories perhaps did more to endear him to his troops than this resolute, timely exercise of common sense on their behalf. The folly of weighing down, with heavy finery or useless work, men who have to march or fight is appar­ ent enough, but do none of us carry pipe-clay and brass on our long march in life? Here is the wife of a poor man with a large family. She works hard all day. yet stoops over a sewing ma­ chine until midnight, to make useless finery for her daughters. There is a clerk on a salary which barely gives him the necessaries of life. He goes without proper food to wear a fashionable coat, and to drive out to the park on Sunday. There are innumerable poor girls whose efforts at fashionable display are wearing out the lives of their old gray-headed fathers. It is worth while to ask, "What pipe-clay and guilt do I carry? What does it cost me in labor, , self-respect and life?"--Youth's Companion. Horses Drnnk and Seasick. "Have you ever seen a horse in the throes of mal de mer?" asked Mr. C. H. Linthicumb of Philadelphia, at the Laclede, addressing a number of friends. "Well," he continued, "the sufferings of the unhappy animals under such circumstances are suf­ ficient to envoke the pit/ of the most stony-hearted. A troop of horses after a long sea voyage become as thin as skeltetons. I was once on board an English troop-ship, and af­ ter a couple ot days at sea the horses could not eat anything. They lay as lifeless as logs, and could not be in­ duced to give recognition to attend­ ants, towards whom, on all other oc­ casions, they always showed marks of friendliness. When they landed at their port and were removed they ex­ hibited signs of that dizziness common to a man who has been on a long ocean journey when he first sets foot on terra firma. The only other con­ dition as pitiful as that of sea-sick­ ness with the horse is one of drunken­ ness. You know horses do get drunk, or rather are sometimes made drunk. I have seen one grow tipsy and frisky on about one-fifth of a pint of whis­ key. Almost all racers are dosed with alcoholic stimulant before start­ ing and private teams always receive their portion whenever their owners desire to cut a dash in a fashionable oenter. The horse gradually acquires a taste for liquors. I remembor one which a tippling groom accustomed to beer. The time came when it would not look at its food till it had received its allowance of the bever­ age. One thing is certain. The horse which is given stimulants, while showing spirit and activity for the time being, wears out more rap­ idly than those which are less luxu­ riously treated.--St Louis Globe- Democrat A PRACTICAL VIEW* Not Quite the Same. Slight mistakes in speaking a foreign language, or in understanding it when some one else speaks it, are commonly nothing more than amus­ ing, but a member of the Alpine Club mentions an instance of a more seri­ ous nature. He was climbing one of the Alps with a guide, who, as he says, persisted in talking bad Eng­ lish instead of indifferent French. My guide had just crossed a snow- bridge over a wide crevasse, and turned to^await me on the other side. 1 asked him if it was weak; he an­ swered, "No strong." Naturally I attempted to walk across it Instead of crawling. I had almost reached the other side when the bridge gave way, and after a de­ lirious scramble to save myself, I sub­ sided helplessly into the Crevasse. However, I did not go far, and when I had crawled out with snow down my neck and up my arms and in all my pockets, 1 discovered that my friend had meant "Not strong." I strongly enjoined him to reserve his English henceforth for use in the valleys. Swimming:. It is easy to swim if one does not become frightened^saysa correspond­ ent When the body is in the water and the man is breathing naturally the head will remain out and one can float almost without effort. The trouble with people is that, losing their presence of mind, they throw up their hands, when, of course, the head at once siuks beneath the sur­ face. If a man will only remember to keep his hands down, accidental deaths from drowning would be much more infrequent, for almost any one, whether a swimmer or not, would De able to float until relief arrived. DR Carlos Man tea MM* Whs Waa la Chi­ cago Twenty Xeara A«s aa n wild Apaeh*. Letter from Dr. Carlos Montezuma to the Chicago Inter Ocean, dated Western Shoshone Agency, Nev. To THE EDITOR:--Twenty-one years ago in your city as a full-blooded Apache Indian of Arizona, I was taken as an unpromising specimen of my people, but my perseverance on my own part witlj the influence of civilization I succeeded in gaining a liberal education at your Illinois State University and Chicago Medical Col­ lege. Realizing what an education meant contrasted with my ignorant and superstitious people, I, in their behalf ask that you will be kind enough to insert the inclosed manu­ script in your estimable paper. The Indian question will cease to be a problem when the government enforces the compulsory education of the Indian children--not on reser­ vations or near.,, them--but among civilized communities. In order to accomplish . this, the government appropriation for the transportation of all Indian children must be increased, so they may be taken away from their wild super-, stitious parents and the influence of Western prejudice, and be placed in the midst of civilization, where they can use their own tongues, eyes, ears and fingers under the immediate guid­ ance of the people with whom they will compete. No nation under Heaven has ever prospered or grown great under such circumstances as exists among the In­ dians of to-dav. It is true we have given them reservations, but how about these reservations? Would you issolate your children on a barren soil, away from any civilized com­ munity, and give them ignorance ana the superstition of centuries, and ex­ pect them to be cultured and refined?, Would you expect filthy camp life among persons speaking a foreign tongue to teach them to speak Eng­ lish? Would you put them among idlers, beggars, gamblers, and pau­ pers, and thus make them industrious and self-supporting citizens of our American Republic? No; rather you would place them in the midst of the most refined, cultured, and educated communities, among English speak­ ing people, where they could come face to face with all the phases of our modern sciences, arts, and industries, so that they may utilize and improve all their faculties. Again, you would not give them these privileges for five years, but all of their lifetime. Alas! How inconsistent a Nation we are. We can perceive the needs of our children's welfare, but we are blind to the needs of the rising gener­ ation of Indian children. We often say to ourselves, "I do not see how the Indians can. live as thejjdo." Why, they are compelled by circum­ stances. If you were placed on a reservation with all of its environ­ ments you might do worse--you coulee not do any better. The reservation system is a demor­ alizing bondage, a barrier from en­ lightenment a promoter of idleness, beggars, gamblers, paupers and ruin. We have experimented with the Indians with bullets and the reserva­ tion systems--both have been fail­ ures. There is no other way by which we can lift them to the plane of our civilization than in the same way in which we have advanced beyond their weak, ignorant and supersti­ tious characters, and that is "educa­ tion." Educate the rising generation of Indian pappooses, their ability to | rise, conquer and be men and %voaieu is undoubted. Man's and Gdd's just- tice demand that they be educated, whatever may be the cost It is the want of education that has made them superstitious and ignorant, and has rendered them obstacles "and ex­ pensive wards of the Government Give them education and let them loose to sink or swim, then, and only then will we have men, not savages: citizens, not paupers. Is is not high time that the people recognize the possessors of this vast country, the true friend from whom our forefathers received their first parched corn, the nation to whom we promised peace as long as the sun rises in the east and goes behind the western horizon, and the people who looked to us for enlightenment and education? Instead of this, we have taken away their land, for the parched corn we have given them a stone; for the peace we promised we have pointed our cannon and placed our men of war in pursuit of them, to perfect their skill in the art of war; in place of education and enlighten­ ment we have robbed them of this liberty, which means nothing more than robbing them of their social privileges and positions among us as only true Americana Are we sur­ prised that they gaze into our faces with suspicion, ignoranee, and super­ stition? Very respectfully, CARLOS MONTEZUMA. Agency Physician, White Rock, Nev. Modern Warlike Arms. The latest illustration of the changes constantly occurring in the sonditions of modern warfare is an or­ der just issued from the British War Office substituting swords of a new pattern for the weapons which have been carried by officers since the iays of the iron duke. With a view to efficiency at close quarters the blade of the old sword was sharpened throughout the whole length of its edge, and on the back for sbme seven ar eight inches from the point, the idea being to make it available for cutting as well as thrusting. In or­ der to increase its strength it was also slightly curved, and was a form­ idable weapon, though somewhat light in comparison with the more massive service swords of continental infantry officers. In the new sword the blade is perfectly straight, its •haft being set in a roomy hilt, iquared to give play to the wrist in guarding and thrusting, the mode of Sghting recommended to unmounted >fficers of the present day on actual »ervice, who are taught to regard cut- ling as an obsolete method of attack. Duly about ten inches of the edge from the point and six inches of the Dack are sharpened, the rest of the alade being blunt and rounded for aarrying purposes, and having, there­ fore, no cutting capacity whatsoever, rhe new regulation sword, in fact, is jxclusively a thrusting and guarding weapon--a sort of rapier, double- edged for about a forth of its blade length in order to facilitate penetra­ tion when its "wearer gives point," but useless as an arm wherewith to strike a swinging blow.--Philadel­ phia Telegram. Savings. These sentences are written in a building occupied by a savings hank which began business in the year 1816, and which held deposits, on the first of January of the present year, amounting to thirty-three million dollars. The postmaster-general has called attention repeatedly to the system of postal savings banks, which is in op­ eration in Great Britain, France, Italy and many of the small countries of Europe, and has urged Congress to establish the same system in this country. Without doubt it would be a great benefit to the people to have close at hand a place where their small sav­ ings might be deposited with perfect safety, and where they would draw a small rate of interest There is no way to put the savings bank system within the reach of all, except by making it an attachment of the posir office. But where it can be done--and it can be done in any community often thousand people--the local system is better, so far as that community is concerned. Money deposited in a postal sav­ ings bank would go into the Treasury of the United States, and though it is not needed it Would be locked up In that receptacle. But money put into a local bank would be lent and used for local im­ provements. There are thousands of towns in the West that would accu­ mulate, in a very short term of years, from one hundred thousand to half a million dollars. The bank in which such deposits are made would quickly become a competitor with the "Eastern capi­ talists"--concerning whom many hard words are written and spoken--as a lender of money on mortgage, with the immediate effect of bringing down the rate of interest. New England savings i^nks are not private corporations, but are mu­ tual associations, and pay all their profits to depositors. , Why not in­ troduce in the West a system that has helped to make New England wealthy.--Youth's Companion. . His Famous Cook. Last week two men each looking for a cook met on Woodward aveuue and had a talk on hired help. This week they met again. "Did you find a cook?1* asked the first "No. Did you?" "Yes. I've got one." "Any good?" "Best I ever had in the house." "No! Where did you find her?* "Down in Ohio." "Have to go alter her yourself?' * "Yes." "How did you happen to hear ol her?" "A friend of mine told me about her first, and I wrote to hgr on a venture." "How did you ever persuade her to come so far from home?" "Blessed if I know, but she seems perfectly well satisfied ndV." "Do you think I could get a mate to her at the same place?" "Well, no, I think not" "Why?" There isn't another like her, I should say." "Who is she?" "My wife." 4<Ob," said the other man, and when he came home he went right out into his kitchen and kissed the cook four times, and his wife really seemed to think he was doing the proper thing.--Free Press. Penny-Wis* or Pound-Wtaa. The little things^ one is obliged to sacrifice by the penny-wise system are somehow the things that keep us con­ tented; we are made all the time a little uncomfortable and we naturally long for a larger income, and from that to envy those who have it is a short step This way of economizing therefore cijjtivates narrowness, pe- nuriousness, and envy. The pound-wise system, on the con trary, by leaving one free to indulge in what seem little things, takes the mind from petty considerations and lets it grow and broaden, it is only occasionally that the economies §f the larger sort press themselves upon the uotice, and they can be met with the philosophy it is not worth while to call up for trivial matters. It is the "little foxes which eat the vines," the insignificant cares which wrinkle the brow and sour the heart--The Chautauquan. She Pricked Her Finger. A servant maid recently employed by a prominent Fifth avenue family came to her mistress with 1/ears in her eyes not many days after she had been inthe household and said that she had pricked her finger with a table fork. ^ "I am terribly worried, mam," she said, "for fear the fork may have had some brass in it and have poisoned my hand." "Oh, nonsense, Mary," replied the lady of the house, "how could the fork poison you when it is made of pure silver? I never allow anything else on my table." The next day Mary and the fork which had pricked her and all the other forks and, in fact the whole table service, guaranteed by the mis­ tress to be solid silver, had disap­ peared for parts unknown.--New York Herald. ILLINOIS INCIDEKf|p ' SOBER OR STARTLING. PAlTtM * FULLY RECORDED. . Shocking Tragedy In Franklin Cu--ipw» Three Uvea Sacrificed--CzpreMag* fHf <• on Belief Funds--Needs of People in tfc# ~ H • Flooded District--Chicago's Apathy. j " From Far and Near. * WILLIAM F. CLARK, aged 32, «| mlted suicide at the residence of Jim# H Lyttleton, ten miles north of Mount I ; Sterling, by taking morphine. Clark*® wife had left him and he had been •irinfc* ' ing heavily of late. His wife's format husband killed himself a few years age v by battering his brains oat with a rock. ; ; JrpoK BTTBBOTTGHS, who lives in thf : ' heart of the flooded district, was in Chl» cago, and took that city to task for id V indifference to the sufferings of the peo» ; ; pie who have been deprived of theic homes and means of support. They ar# mostly tenant farmers, he says, and their houses, crops, machinery and stock ,: have been destroyed. They are help* less, and the June floods are likely to • ' render their condition still more deplotw able. Chicago, moreover, is iodebtel to these people. According to Judge \ Burroughs, when that city was devastfl ated by Sre no one responded to >>•>• for help more promptly and more tibet* ~ ,' ally than the dwellers along the nolir u submerged Mississippi River bottom^ , There is but one course open to the pedfe- -- pie of the city, if they wish to sav$ themselves from lasting reproach. Lib*. eral contributions of money and of the ' - necessaries of life must be sent to th# ' • flood sufferers, and they must be coo* tinuously assisted until sueh a time a* , tfcey shall be able to provide for thess* 1 selves. . A DOTBliB murder and suicide ^ curred at Needmore, a village ia the e*»| treme southeast part of Franklin County ' which was caused by jealousy. Mosea : Taylor and F. Foster own adjoining ^ farms, and for Dome time Taylor ha4 been suspicious of Foster, thinking he had been paying too much attention to his wife, and became very jealous ot ' him. Thursday afternoon Taylor met ' Foster on the road about a quarter of % mile east of Foster's house and hot words ensued. Taylor drew his revolver and shot Foster, afterward taking an Ml and beating his head, from the effects of which he died about one hour afterward* Mrs. Taylor, seeing what had happened, fled to Foster's house for protection, but her husband followed her there. He shot her in the head, and she died ini-^ mediately. Taylor then returned tt> within flfty yards of the spot where he killed Foster and killed himself with * bullet from the same weapon. It la thought by some that Taylor was insane on acoount of his jealousy of Foster. The Taylors left four children. Fostet was a single man, living with hit mother. It ' rj * THE weather crop bulletin of the 1111*^ -y nois Weather Service, in co-operatioa with the United States Department of Agriculture, summarizes the weathei conditions throughout Illinois during *•••, - the week as follows: The temperature, of the last ten days has been slightly v* below the normal. At the central oflloe • -f the daily deficiency was 2 degrees. . \ 'J] Cloudy weather prevailed. Except in r the central counties of the State the • amount of rainfall was generally abo*# a seasonable average. ,^ •- • How to Manage a Lover. She may have to flirt with him a little, but remember that to flirt is not to coquette and the girl should not do the latter, since the coquette can have no heart and that is just what a woman needs if she wants to influence a m^n to good actions. She needs a heart tt> make excuses for him just as she needs tact to help her. The woman a man loves has the most power over him, he will do almost anything to please her--if she coax rather than command--if she flatters rather than scold.--Music and Drama. WHEN a woman starts out for a walk, not knowing in what direction she will go, or when she will be back, it is called gadding. THE State Treasurer has received » to date a total of $2,418.70 for the relief - of the flood sufferers. The response has not been as ready as might have been expected, but it is hoped that money will come in faster when the people of the State begin to realize more fully the extent of the devastation along tha Mississippi valley. Here are some of the principal contributors: Marshall field & Co., Chicago, $250; Henry Ifc Hertz, Chicago, $100; United States* Es4 press Company, $100; John J. MurphJ| , . Woodstock, $200; citizens of Highland, Vi 111., $115; Hospital for Insane at Anna} $122; citizens of Fairbury, $218.75, citizens of Bobinson, $101.25; oitt^ aens of Breese, $123.50; T. Wiloe & Co., Chicago, $100; citizens of Cerro Gordo, $100. Mr. Wilson says he will not begin the distribution of the fund until it is larger than at present. The distribution will be made through local committees, and the State Treasure* desires that cities and counties in tha inundated districts designate the propep committees and also ttive him some iai-'V formation as to the number of flood ferers and the extent of the lommm : each locality. • THE Adjutant General issued an or* der approving the finding of the courts * martial which recently tried Captai# William T. Hardenbrook, of Company C, Second Begiment, for disobedience of orders and conduct unbecoming aa. officer and a gentleman. Capt. Harden^ • brook is sentenced to be dismissed froi* - • the military service of the State. Fet* 6, Capt. Hardenbrook was placed underis? arrest by Colonel Louis 8. Judd, i#£ ^ command of the Second Begiment. Feb. V 2ti, the court-martial was begun at thfT ^ Second Begiment Armory, Capt. Har* ? denbrook entering the plea of *no% guilty." Seven specifications were in^lr^l eluded in the charges against him. Fii«t| that the accused personally solioiteft ^ from business Arms money for the pur* chase of a stand of colors for the regiment under the false pretense that the color# r had been destroyed by fire; second, thai - the accused debarred enlisted men front the floor the night of the Second Regl-» ment ball, Jan. 29, falsely stating that " the men knew of the order before, there* J by bringing ridicule on the service^ third, that the accused stated to hie commanding officer that his men had paid nothing to the expenses of the ball, knowing that he had collected $2 froua each of his mqp for a ball fund; fourth, that $5, camp pay, had been embezzled; from Lieut. Coy; fifth, that the accuse^ • had contracted a bill of $41.50 for lock# and keys and failed to pay; sixth, thaffc he had embezzled $25 of regimentaf funds; seventh, that he had falsely assumed the functions of Treasurer of the Second Infantry. The trial lasted till the first week in April, when the court-martial found Capt. HardeabrooJfe guilty. T W. B. WEAVES, a farmer, while ploft ing in his field near Williamsville, waa struck by lightning and killed. Tw® horses attached to the plow were also pe s,*s killed. " --^ THE forty-seventh year of the Illinois! ^ Institution for Deaf Mutes at Jackson-y1 ville closed with fine commencement^ exercises. An excellent class was grad-* . uated and everything went off in good!' ; style. The year has been successful all, the way through, and the friends of thef institution have reason to be proud of?'- the year's work. The graduates nun-" ' bered fourteen. Gov. FIFEF, durtna his personal In* spection of the flooded district in South- |s ern Illinois, gpt his system saturatedjfjv' with malaria/ He was confined to his^p ; home for several days. He viU go West Baden Springs, Ind., for a few days for recuperation. « THE bodies of two unknown peopled were taken from the lake by the Cottager; Grove avenue police. The first one was|; that of a man about 35 yoars o? age.' The other was a woman about 35 years old, five feet five inches tall, had black hair and wore a black cashmere dress.^ Neither body I ore any marks of violence. i The woman had evidently been in the water abtipfc tee, f • week. *&!