Highland Park Public Library Local Newspapers Site

McHenry Plaindealer (McHenry, IL), 9 Nov 1916, p. 2

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ft® Desirovmo C::% • A FAMOUS neurologist Mid recently }n a lecture: "Wo don't give our patients much medicine any more. We give them something to think about. If we can make a man put his thoughts on something constructive and shift the focus of his mind from his bodily ills, we can give' him a good start on the road to health." And this is the big idea out of which the story of "The Destroying Angel" is woven. If any of our readers need to get their minds entirely off themselves and their troubles, they will find in this new serial an uncommonly strong magnet. Fes* Louis Joseph Vance, you know* never wrote a tiresome yarn. Ha keeps your mind electrified and yeur interest eager from start to finish. '^APTrtW' •«* • Doom. "Then I'm to understand there's no for me?" •Tin afraid not...", Greyerson said reluctantly, sympathy in his eyes. "None whatever." The verdict was thus brusquely emphasized by Hartt, one of the two consulting specialists. Having spoken, he glanced at his watch, then at the face of his col- iMfW, Bushnell, who contented him­ self with a tolerant waggle of his head, apparently meant to imply that tbe subject of their deliberations -really must be reasonable. Whitaker looked quickly from one to the other pf his three Judges, acutely sensitive to the dread signi­ ficance to be detected in the expression of each. falling to extract the least glimmer­ ing of ho£e from the attitude of any one of them, he drew a long breath, unconsciously bracing himself in his chair. It's funny," he said with his nerv­ osa smile--"hard to realize, I mean. Yoo see, I feel so fit--" *- "Between attacks," Hartt Interjected quickly. "Yes," Whltaker had to admit, dashed. "Attacks," said Bushnell, heavily, "recurrent at intervals constantly more brief, each a trifle more severe than its predecessor." Evidently Bushnell considered tbe last word his prerogative. There was a brief uneasy silence In the gloomy consulting room. Then Whitaker rose. "Well, how long will you give me?" he asked in a strained voice. "Sir months," said Greyerson, mis­ erably avoiding his eye. "Three," Hartt corrected jerkily. "Perhaps..." The proprietor of the test word stroked his chin with a con­ templative air. "Thanks," said Whitaker, without Irony. He stood for an instant with his head bowed in thought. "What a damned outrage," he observed thought­ fully. And suddenly he turned and flung out of the room. Greyerson jumped to follow him. but paused as he heard the crash of the street door. He turned with a twitch­ ing, apologetic smile. "Poor devil!" he said, sitting down at his desk and fishing a box of cigars from one of the drawers. -& "Married?" Hartt inquired. "No. That's the only mitigating cir­ cumstance," said Greyerson, distribut­ ing glasses. "He's quite alone in the world, aB far as I know--no near rel­ atives, at least. He's junior partner In a yotng law firm down-town--senior m • w&'. •"Well, How Long Will You Give Me7" a friend or classmate of his, I under­ stand: Drummond & Whitaker. Moves with the right sort of people. Young Stark--Peter Stark-r-is v-Ms closet friend." • •. *rr • • •, .• Hugh Whitaker stood for a long time--how long he never knew--bare­ headed on a corner, just as he had left Greyersou's office: scc-wling at nothing, considering the enormity of the wrong that had been put upon him. Later, realizing that people Were star- ta* he dipped on bis hat to satisfy them and strode aimlessly down%ixth •venue. ' . He turned across town toward Fifth Avenue, came toiiis club, and went in. Passing through the office, force of habit swung his gaze to the letter-rack. There was a square white envelope in the W pigeouoole, and it proved to be addressed to him, He knew the hand­ writing very well--too w$ll;*hls heart gave a great jump as he recognized it, and then sank like a stone; for not only must he die, but he must give up the girl he loved, and had planned to marry. The first thing he meant to do was to write to her and explain and release her from her promise. The next thing.., He refused to let the Idea of the next step form in his mind. But he knew very well what it would be. In the backwards of his understanding It iurked--a gray, grisly, shameful shadow. The elevator kept him waiting a moment or two, Just round the corner from the grill-room door, whence came a sound of voices talking and laughing. Whitaker heard what was being said without, at first, comprehending-- heard and afterwards remembered In vivid detail. "Seems to be the open season for runaways," Hamilton was saying. "It's only a few days since Thuriow Ladis- las' daughter--what's her name?-- Mary--took the bit between t|pr teeth and bolted with the. old man's chauf­ feur." Somebody asked: "How far did they get before old Ladlslas caught up?" "He didn't give chase. He's not that kind. If he was put to it, old Thur­ iow could play the unforgiving parent in a melodrama without any make-up whatever." "He's Just like that," said Hamil­ ton. "Remember his other daughter, Grace, eloping with young Pettit a few years ago? Old Ladlslas had a down on Pettit--who's a decent enough kid, notwithstanding--so Grace was promptly disowned, and they've no hope of ever touching a penny of the Ladislas coin." "But what became of them--Mary and the stoker-person?" t "Nobody knows, except possibly themselves." "What's she like, this Mary-quite- contrary?" Inquired George Brenton's voice. ' "Oh, nothing but a kid," said little Flske. "Not over eighteen." The elevator was waiting by this time, but Whitaker paused an Instant before taking it, chiefly because the sound of his own name, uttered by Hamilton, had roused him out of the abstraction in which he had overheard the preceding conversation. "Anyhow, I'm sorry for Hugh Whit­ aker. He's gtglng to take ihls hard, mighty hard." George Brenton asked, as If sur­ prised: "What? I didn't know he was interested in that quarter." "You must be blind. Alice Carstairs has had him going for a year. Every­ body thought she was only waiting for him to make some big money--he as much as anybody, I fancy." Brenton added the last straw. "That's tough," he said soberlJP. "Whit- aker's a white man, and Alice Car- stairs didn't deserve him. But I wouldn't blame any man for feeling cut-up to be thrown over for an out- and-out rotter like Percy Grim- shaw. . ." Whitaker heard no more. At the first mention of,the name of Alice Car- stairs he had snatched her letter from his pocket and was reading. Nobody will ever know just what Alice Car- stairs saw fit to write to Hugh Whit­ aker. The blood ebbed from his face and left it ghastly, and when he had torn the paper to shreds and let them flutter about his feet, he swayed per­ ceptibly--so much so that one of the pages took alarm an*} jumped to his side. "Beg pardon, Mr. W hi takers-did you call me?" Whitaker steadied himself and stared until he recognized the boy. "No," he said thickly, "but I want you. Give me a bar order." The boy produced the printed form and Whitaker hastily scribbled his or­ der on It. "Bring that up to the li­ brary," he said, "and be quick about It" # He stumbled Into the elevator, and presently found himself In the library. There was no one else about, and Whitaker was as glad of that as it was in him to be glad of anything just then. He dropped heavily Into a big armchair and waited, his brain whirl­ ing and seething, his nerves on edge and screeching. In this state Peter Stark found him. Peter sauntered into the room with a manner elaborately careless. Be­ neath that mask he was anything but Indifferent, just as his appearance was anything but fortuitous. Moreover. Peter had already heard about Alice Carstairs and Percy Grtmshaw, "Hel-lo" he said, Contriving by mere accident to catch sight of Whitaker, who was almost Invisible In tbe big chair with its back to the body of the room. "What you doing up here, Hugh? What's up?" It's all up," said Whitaker, trying (o pull himsclr together. "Everything's U P " * * . ' - " V . "Don't believe It" said Stark, coolly. "My feet are on the ground; but yoa look as If you'd seen a ghost." "I have--my own," said Whitaker. The page now stood beside him with a tray. "Open it," he told the boy, indicating a half-bottle of champagne ; and then to Peter: "I'm having • bath. Won't Jrou Jump In?" Peter whittled, watching the' wlne» cream over the brandy in the loilfc, glass. "King's peg, ehhesaid, with a lift of disapproving eyebrows. "Here, boy, bring me some Scotch and plain water for common people," The hoy disappeared as Whitaker lifted his glass. "I'm not waiting," he Said bluntly. "I need this now." •1 hope," Peter said thoughtfully, "that the man who started that lie about drink making a fellow forget died the death of a dog. He deserved to, anyway." He stopped at Whltaker*s side and dropped a hand on his shoulder. "Hugh," he said, "you're one of the. best. Don't. . ." Whatever he had meant to Say, he left unfinished because of the return of the page with his Scotch; but he had said enough to let Wlii taker under­ stand that-he knew about the Carstairs affair. "That's all right," said Whitaker; "I'm not going to make a fool of my­ self, but I am in a pretty bad way. Boy--" "Hold on!".: Peter Interrupted. "You're not going tb order another? What you've had Is enough to gal-- vanize a corpse." "Barring the negligible difference of a few minutes or months, that's me," returned Whitaker. , "I'd like to know what you.mean by MOTOR-WHEEL FOR RAILROAD VaOCIPEDE 1THE DRIVER CAN RECLINE IN HIS SEAT, OPERATE THE MOTOR AND fiPiiO OVER THi inACKS WITHOUT EXPENDING ENERGY, T "You Look as If You'd 8een a Ghost." that," Peter remarked, obviously wor­ ried. "What's the matter with you?" "Ask Greyerson. I can't remember the name--It's too long--and I couldn't pronounce It If I did." Peter's eyes narrowed. "What fool­ ishness has Greyerson been putting into your head?" he demanded. "I've a good mind to go puhch his--" "It Isn't his fault," Whitaker as­ serted. "It's my own--or rather, it's something in the nature of a posthu­ mous gift from my progenitors; several of 'em died of It, and now it seems I must. Greyerson says so, at least, and when I didn't believe him he vailed In Hartt and Bushnell to hold n.y ante- mortem. They made It unanimous. If I'm uncommonly lucky I may live to see next Thanksgiving." 'You can't make me beli#ve that," Peter insisted. "It Just can't be so. A man like you, who's always lived clean . . . Why, look at your athletic record ! I won't believe it 3" His big, red, generous fist described large, and Inconclusive gesture of violence. 'Well," he growled finally," grant all this--which I don't, not for one little minute--what do you mean to do?" 'I don't mind telling you," said Whitaker; "I don't know. Wish I did. At the same time, I've got to do something--get away somewhere." Abrupt inspiration sparked the imag­ ination of Peter Stark, and he began to sputter with enthusiasm. 'I've got it!" he cried, Jumping to his feet. "A sea trip's Just the thing. Chances are, it'll turn the trick--bring you round all right-O, and prove what asses doctors are. I can have the Ad­ venturess put in commission within three days. We'll try that South Seas thing we've talked about so long. What d'you say?" A warm light glowed In Whitaker** sunken eyes. He nodded slowly. Just suppose now that In Whitaker's battered mind the seed thought of suicide has started to swell and sprout--do you believe that the anticipation pf a sea trip will kill the seed? There's a hint in this question. (TO BE CONTINUED.) Excessive Neutrality. Some are born neutral, ntfrars achieve neutrality, and still others have it thrust upon them. The Englishman born in Roumanla, who arrived In New York with a German wife on a Span­ ish ship and took out naturalization pa- pers from Uncle Sam, declined to be interviewed on the'war on the ground of neutraJity for all three reasons. Not a Thief. Man who broke into tbe house while the owner was away and took nothing but a shave could scarcely be called a thief, because he went out with less than he came In with. SPECIAL CAR TRACKMAN MAKING REPAIRS H6W TRAVELS IN 8TYLi. ^ Fine feathers often make the old man wear his suit another settsocw-- Kansas City Journal, Velocipede Propel ledby Motor-Wheel Is Provided for His Aceemmoda- and Ha*Geta Over th* /;" . 3 Rails Fast v- Hiding the rails dn a velocipede pro­ pelled by a motor-wheel, the trackman traveling to make repairs has a special car of his own just as the railroad president has. For a good many years the trackman has had his velocipede and has hand-pumped it up hill and down dale until all novelty connected with the vehicle has long since been forgotten. With the Introduction of the motor-wheel, however, he Is again In the limelight. He can recline In his seat, operate the motor, and sail over the tracks without any expenditure of energy. The motor-wheel can be attached to the velocipede and taken off without making any alterations. A casting which fits between jthe two lower rails of the velocipede serves as the con­ necting unit. It holds the motor-wheel securely In place, so that it cannot move either to the right or left, but stays constantly on the balls of the rail. The attachments permit of the free moving of the wheel.--Popular Science Monthly. -- TELLING TALES" OF OLD DAYS Veterans of the Line Always Have a Never-Ending Stock of Interesting Experiences. The talk between, two old engineers would have warmed the cockles of your heart, the names of the men who built the country, Whose heroism in the cab and along the line when railroad­ ing was young, the deeds they did, the hardships they endured, the feats they accomplished on 14 shillings a day, and a day was 24 hours--it all stirred up memories which the younger men on the road knew nothing about. "There's so much you can't print," said one of them. "You can't print how in them days they'd hunt up an engineer sometimes from a groggery and hoist him into his cab and prop him In.. Then the fireman would fire and run tlie engine all the way to Syra­ cuse. They,ftook awful chances them days." Then they trailed off to St. Patrick's day in '05, when the water was so high that folks went about Bagg's square in rowboats, and they had to get one of the "shanghai" engines from the roundhouse, high-wheeled critters, to draw engines whose fires had been extinguished by the water. "Up at Whitesboro there was a break in the canal bank," said one of them. "And do you remember tfie canal boat that, floated over the railroad?" said the other. "She drifted away out over the Central tracks and rested there on the flats. Then the water went down and left her there high and dry, and she lay there till she fell apart and the Italians carried her away for firewood."--Pennsylvania Grit. Important Postscript. A short time ago the station agent of a small town on one of the numerous branch lines of central New York, while handling his manifold duties one busy, autumn morning, unfortunately mis­ laid his sealing iron, that very neces­ sary Implement resembling a big pair of plyers and used for stamping the leaden seals on loaded freight cars. Realizing the importance of the mat­ ter a requisition for a new sealer was Imperative. A few hours later the su­ perintendent of the division received the following letter: "I regret to advise that my sealing Iron has been lost and think It was carried away on local No. 697 this morning. Please send me another on the first train. "P. S.--Never mind, the above, I have found the old one." Beyond Conductor's Power. A conductor relates a story of a burly unkempt tramp who boarded a fast train at one of the Pensylvania stations and was calmly reclining In a seat in the smoking car when bis ticket was requested. "I ain't got no ticket,** •aid the tramp. « "Come on through with a ticket or the price," growled the conductor. "Say, guy, I told you I ain't got no ticket," the knight of the road replied. "Now, Mr. Man," said the conductor, "you come across with a ticket right away or I'll unload you and you'll have to walk." "Well, Mr. Conductor," retorted the hobo, "maybe you can unload me but you can't make me walk." Ivwl.- New Safety Appliance. To save the life of a locomotive man should an engine and tei separated while he Is at Pennsylvanlans have In of hammock to be the engine. Otherwise "Did your garde summer?" "No," replied sunbonnet. "Th busy talking tng to keep th' the re toe of liv- DIFFER AS TO SEARCHLIGHTS Operating Chiefs of Railroads Con- tend They Are Dangerous, While the Engineers Want Them. There is wide difference in opinion about putting powerful searchlights on locomotives. Railroad men them­ selves are divided on the question. But the interstate commerce commis­ sion directs that "each locomotive used in road service between sunset and sunrise shall have a headlight which will enable persons with normal vision In the cab of a locomotive, un­ der normal conditions, to see a dark objedt the size of a man for a dis­ tance of 1,000 feet or rpore ahead of the locomotive." Only an electric light will practicably meet this test. This decides a controversy over the relative safety oi different headlights that has raged for several years and has engaged the attention of railroad operators, engineers and mechanics everywhere. Labor leaders, comprising the high­ est officers of the four train employees' organizations, the Brotherhoods of Engineers, Firemen, Conductors, and Trainmen, personally conducted the fight for compulsory universal adop­ tion of the "searchlight" as a safety measure. Operating chiefs, master me­ chanics and light experts of the rail­ roads protested against the high-power lights as a dangerous experiment. Operating chiefs of the railroads have been a unit in their opinion re­ garding the electric "searchlights," pronouncing them especially danger­ ous in dense traffic on multiple-track lines, where many trainsv are constant­ ly passing one another wholly by the colored signal lights of the modern block system. More than 150 railroad companies, operating 215,000 miles of trackage, joined in the formal oppo­ sition. The railroads based their case on tests and experiments with all types of headlights, extending over several years. The Master Mechanics' association, through a special committee of seven experts, conducted exhaustive tests from 1912 to 1915, a score of experts devoting many months to testing every existing type of headlight under va­ rying conditions In different localities. They reported all tests agreed in show­ ing that Incorrect reading of colored signals by engineers was increased by" the high-power headlights; that the dazzling glare produced confusing re­ flections, shadows and false signals, and that engineers were practically blinded to signals when they were caught between two opposing search­ lights, as would frequently be thfe case in congested eastern traffic. FOILS ELOPEMENT Of AGED LOVERS 7 • Maid of 78 and Swain of 92 Are Issued by Parent Shotgun. Beaver Falls, Pa.--Love's young dream was shattered the other day by an irate father with a shotgun, when Caleb Smith, ninety-six years old, chased Roman Williams, ninety-two yehrs old, into the county recorder's* office here and flred both barrels, loaded with salt, at Williams, who had eloped with Caleb's daughter, Cynthia, seventy-eight yCars old. As Williams was attacked by the angry 'tnonogenarian the coy maiden fainted. Her father was thoroughly wrapped up In his Job, however, and he rained blows on the lover and f»aid no attention to his daughter's plight. Williams, who soon looked more like a railroad accident than a roman­ tic Lothario. , hoisted the white flag. Strong dtigfcs like beer, whiskey. tea and cofffb, irritate the kidneys and habitual use tends to weaken than. Daily backache, tfith head­ ache, nervousness, dizzy spells and a rheumatic condition should be it"ken as a warning of kidney trou­ ble. Cut out, or at least moderate, the stimulant, and use Doan's Kid­ ney Pills. They are fine for weak kidneys. Thousands them. An lllmoia Case Kvtty Ham T,IUm Samuel Elsenian. 130 N. California Ave., Chicago, 111., says: "I suffered In­ tensely from a deep- seated pain in my back. The kidney secretions were pain­ ful in passage and discolored. Doctors' medicine grave me only temporary re­ lief and other reme­ dies failed to help me until I UMd Doan's Kidney Pills. This remedy relieved the backache and other trouble and continued use cured me. I have had little trouble from kidney complaint since." Get Do**** at Any Star*, Rl« • Bos DOAN'S FOSTER-MILBURN CO* BUFFALO, N.Y. ft 1/ ALWAYS IN NEED OF WATER Locomotives in India Get Their 8up- ply In Ways That Are Decidedly A Primitive. The Indian locomotive is always tak­ ing water. At every station there is a tank, and while the train is standing at the platform, above the noises and cries .of the people, you hear the gush of water, and, If you look forward, you see the beturbaned engineer busy with a dripping Waterpipe. The tanks are usually supplied from a well or near­ by river, but in the desert lands rivers are few and wells are not always to be trusted. At one village where jwe stopped the tank was empty, writes Thornton Oak­ ley in Harper's Mngaaine. Its well had gone dry. The engineer and station master consulted together. There was another well, the station master said," a mile farther down the road. It be­ longed to a farmer, and still had water In It. There was yet steam enough In the engine's boiler to carry the train a mile or so, and soon we had drawn up in a sandy stretch of country where only a few yello.w patches of grass were to be seen, and where a lean, black Hindu was rhythmically bending and rising above a well, pouring out little bucketfuls of water upon the parched surface of his field. The lean Hindu was the farmer, and for one ru­ pee he agreed to sell enough water to carry .the train on to the next station. The engineer came down along the train, calling the passengers for help, and soon was formed a line of dark- skinned figures stretching from the en­ gine to the well. The farmer had two shallow pails. These went back and forth along the line, and little by little, drop by drop, the water of the wejl passed into the tank of the locomotive. When the train resumed its journey we were three hours late. Railroad Speed. In a recent record trip across the continent by automobile an official of the American Defense society left the automobile at Syracuse, N. Y., and went to Omaha hy railway. He ar­ rived at the latter city only 13 minutes ahead ofmotor carl ^ Prestige in Plenty. "I always resented the idea' £i«- nlans calling their city the Hub of he Universe." • . s ..yes?" "But considering the performances of the Red Sox, I don't know but what the claim Is Justified." " wt; -4*-- • Only Chance. "You were so lucky to have a sum­ mer home out of town. Didn't you en­ joy the beauties of the country V "As much as I could see in the tr^n, going and coming." Looked Like a Railroad Accident. Then the father dragged home his blushing daughter, who Was weeping bitterly. ' The elopement had been arranged on the conventional romantic model. Caleb had been aware that Williams was trying to win his daughter and he frowned on the match. But love laughs at locksmiths, so why should It fear a second-story window? It was through one of these that Cyn thla climbed to be caught In the ar­ dent embrace of the aged Lochinvar. Williams had his conveyance, an aged horse and an old-fashioned bug­ gy, and in this they drove to the city. The father, reaching home soon after, hitched up his old mule and pursued the elopers. He arrived at the record­ er's office as the swain, In a shy and diffident manner, was giving the de­ tails essential to obtain a license, while his sweetheart stood coyly in a corner, blushing. like a debutante at her first proposal. WEDDING SECRET 13 YEARS Even Daughter, Now Ten Yeara of Age, Dfcl Not Betray Her Parents. Baltimore, M.d.--Having kept their wedding a secret from all but a few close relatives for 13 years, Mr. and Mrs. Levin Upshur have just formally announced the event. They have a daughter more than ten years old. Before her marriage Mrs. Upshur was Emily Thompson. She and Mr. Up­ shur left their respective homes one day telling their relatives that they would return at night. They did, but as man hud wife. Both were very young. They determined that they would keep their wedding a secret. Mr. Upshur was a traveling sales­ man. He was forced to travel through the South, and deemed it best that his bride remain with her mother. When the baby was born < Mrs. Thompson was told of the marriage audi she agreed to keep the secret. When asked the reason for hiding the marriage so long Mr. Upshur said it was his desire, and that was all. He and his wife are housekeeping. RAG DOLL tfELD $180 GOLD California Woman Finds Hoard in Mother's Gift of Twenty Years Ago. Fresno.--"Keep this, my child, as it may come in handy some day." This was the remark made more than 20 years ago by the mother of Mrs. Maggie Doyle, wife of a Fresno policeman, when she gave her daugh­ ter a rag doll. Mrs. Doyle has kept the doll for 20 years, and has carried It In her trunk from one town to another. Today she unpacked the trunk and found that the stuffing was coming out of tlie doll. She went to sew up the rip, but pulled out a little sack containing $180 in gold. Mrs. Doyl's mother died ten years ago. Old Human Bones Unearthed. Edwardsville, HI.--Human bones so old that they crumbled at the touch of the spade were unearthed in an Indian mound five miles from here by Hugh Pong, whose farm Includes five mounds. The bones crumbled when tl«ey were exposed to the air, and It was Impossible to distinguish the shape of any except some skulls and armband leg bones. FLORIDA Best property in State, St. Petenh burg, the sunshine city, lots and choice acreage for subdivisions for sale, de­ mand for houses, sure profits for build­ ers of homes. 4 " SNELL-HAMLETT-FOTHERaiU* St. Petersburg. Fla. B1TEIIT0 Watson E.<ioiem8n,W»«b-KM IpMI ̂ ington.B.C. Books free. High- I M I Mil I V est references. Best reanltJ. "ROyfillonRATS,v^n¥^^ GALLSTONES Avoid operations. Positive Liver A Stomach remedy (Jwo Oil)--Kesalta sure; home remedy. Write today. liilhtw»RtwiJyCa..D«pt.W-l. 219S.D*ari»«ra3t..Clta*» H i d the View. "Do I understand you to say," said the lawyer, looking hard at the prin­ cipal witness, "that upon hearing a noise In the hall you rose quickly, lit a candle, and went to the head of the stairs, that a burglar was at the foot of the stairs, and you did not see him? Are you blind?" "Must I tell the truth?" stammered the witness, blushing to the roots of his hair. "The whole truth," wis the stern reply. .s ' "Then," replied the witness, brushing aside his damp, clinging locks and wiping the perspiration from his clam­ my brow, "my wife was in front me." S 'M "-P. •IK >v •v-* CUTICURA COMFORTS BABY Suffering From Itching, Burning Rashes, Eczema, etc. Trial Free*. Give baby a bath with hot water and Cuticura Soap, using plenty of Soap. Dry lightly and apply Cuticura Oint­ ment gently to all affected parts. In­ stant relief follows and baby falls Intb a refreshing sleep, the first perhaps In weeks. Nothing more effective. Free sample each by mail with Book. Address postcard, Cuticura, DepL 1% Boston. Sold everywhere.--Adv. * Phoney Fortune. "My wife played a great trick on ft Gypsy the other day." The fat plumber was the speaker. "What did she do?" asked the thin carpenter. "The Gypsy wanted to tell "her fur- tune with some coffee grounds." "Yes." "And after she was through my w#e asked her if the coffee grounds pos­ sessed some peculiar cITarms' for for­ tune telling." • "What did the Gypsy say?" "She said they did." "Then what?" "Then my wife gave her the lamffe and refused to pay her." • "Why?" "Because the sediment in the cap wasn't coffee grounds at all. We use ax substitute."--Youngstown TelegraS#. Umbrella Feet. Several negro waiters were standing at a railroad station In a southern town discussing the merits of one of their fellow craftsmen. "I)at nigger Henry supe am a hus­ tler, but when he moves his feet dey look laik pancakes," said one. "Pancakes?" shouted another. "Wy, man, w'en dat nigger gits good an' go- in' dem feet o' his'n resemble no pan­ cake--dey's jes lalk embraiiê , all spread out." . Slam's rosewood forests have been heavily overexploited. The govern­ ment is now protecting them. If a man lives as he should, fit* world will not be very much better by his getting out of It. rr Knew Only Love's Language. . - New York.- -Knowing only love's language. Phftro Rieusi, who speaks only Italian, and Mr*. Katie Plufee, who understands only the Hungarian tongue, were married here. * Starts Stealing at Three. own, N. \\--Stinting with lg at three. Walter Bverson, years of age. has been sent ^ . * i - A A Growing Custom! The custom of placing Grape-Nuts on the table at all meals is growing in American homes. Both children and grown - ups help them­ selves to this delicious food as often as they like. It contains the entire nutri­ ment of wheat and barley* digests quickly, and is wonderfully energizing. Every table should havfe its daily ration of Grape-Nuts "There's s Reason it -I

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