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Jepsen Tire Service 31 E lm St. 385-0424 Mcl HOURS 8 30 6 00 SAT 8 00-4 00 A PLAIN DEALER - FRIDAY, APRIL 18,1988 are further notified to file your appearance in the of­ fice of the Clerk of the Court above stated oh pr before May 13,1900. and if you fail so to do, or do not otherwise make your appearance on or before said date, this cause may be heard and Judgment entered as prayed for in said Complaint without, further notice. I N T E S T I M O N Y WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand and affixed the seal of said Court at my office in Woodstock, Illinois, this 7th day of April, 1980. VERNON W.KAYS, JR., Clerk of Circuit Court of McHenry County, Illinois process, l. identify for yourself and the other the specific behavior of the other person you do not like, 2. state how you feel about that specific behavior and 3. state what alternative behavior you would like the person to engage in. Let's go into these steps in more detail to get a better idea of how they work. The first rule suggests that you be specific and. hot talk in broad generalities. Telling someone that you do not like their personality is not helpful to them and will not enable you to get what you want in terms of changed behavior in the other person. Other equally ineffective general statements are comments referring to people as rude, obnoxious, insensitive or uncaring. What is needed for clear communication is a precise description of the specific behavior that you find ob­ jectionable, a description which leaves no doubt as to exactly what you want the person to change. The second rule states that the next step in giving negative feedback is to communicate how that behavior makes you feel. Note that you only talk about your own feelings, avoiding any psuedo-analysis of the other persons character as well as avoiding name calling of any kind. Some examples of good feedback are statements like the following: "I really feel angry when you call me stupid in front of our friends"; "When you get angry and start throwing things I feel scared"; "I felt hurt when you didn't remember my birthday." The third rule asks you to " • ROBERT MUSIKANTOW. Ph.D. ^ psychologist for the <= Family Service and Community Mental Health Canter for McHenry County (Editor's note: This is the eighth article in the Today's Psychology weekly series of especially written articles for McHenry County readers. The topic this week is "Giving Negative Feedback".) How many times have you begun a discussion with someone only to have it end in an argument. Not only might you have felt angry and frustrated, but you may not even have remembered what it was that originally caused you to become angry. Tnese communication snarls, which can lead to so much misunderstanding and hurt feelings, are often the result of poor com­ munication skills and can be remedied by the utilization of a few relatively simple techniques. A strategy called negative feedback, or as it is more commonly called, con­ structive criticism, is one way to begin dealing with these kinds of com­ munication snarls, by giving negative feedback in the manner which I will describe, you will be able to greatly improve your ability as a communicator. There are three steps to the FRAMES WITH PURCHASE OF LENSES' SENIOR CITIZENS BOUTIQUE DESIGNER SECTION { LATEST ' FASHIONS CAPS & BUMPERS INSTALLED SPECIAL PRICES DO NOT APPLY 6tiw's Chintne] Sweep Service (815)943-4*27 With our Squirrels Club* even It s true. Kids can be great savers. But learning how to save doesn't exactly come naturally. 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