Illinois News Index

McHenry Plaindealer (McHenry, IL), 11 Jun 1890, p. 7

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MTOUWAX aOBIMXY w IXMl.id IWrtindt Who Am MMh to llwir Vocation by Powrty. ; The writer of the series of papers on •"Chinese Characteristics" in the North China Herald of Shanghai refers to the propensity of the peoplo in certain dis­ tricts to highway robbery. The ex­ cessive poverty of the mass of the peo­ ple pnd the density of the population make, he says, the presence of a large number of bad characters in any par- ticular place a matter of certainty. The Restraints of the local government are V Hot sufficiently rigorous in most regions i . to keep these bad characters in any­ thing more than a general state, of sub- |\ Ordination. If any event happens ; %hicli makes it peculiarly safe for them to plunder with more than usual im- f: jmnity they are sure to take advantage p 'of tbe fact. |. • , The autumn harvest is such an ^ , ••ent. The whole surface of Northern *11 China is dotted here and there with •'V 4«nse growths of sorghum (kaoliang), v ; * plant which nature has apparently , ".Revised for the express purpose of ^*k-. i'faceting the wants of that region, just tbe palm and bamboo are adapted to | tropics. The Borghum plant grows to \ It great height, often eight or ten feet. By the middle of July it has attained •uch a growth that it is hard to see over |t, and from that time until the harvest 1 |s gathered it is a constant occurrence . for the natives of the villages to become ^ i , confused, even in going short distances , from one town to another. If, by any - •ccident, a wrong turning is taken, the v; traveler is as much lost as in a tropical •I \ forest, with tlie disadvantages that he •Jp »\ ©annot climb a tree to see his way out. Of this state of things the bad char- l/V-1 jftcters ave not slow to take advantage. , Traveling "across country" becomes at jpucli times difficult and dangerous, not too much because it is hard to find the iway as because there is great liability to be robbed, and a great probability that if one is so attacked one will not be I* Able to obtain assistance. The small gL • bands of unkempt soldiers, the only t . provision for keeping order in any par- b:' ficular region--have some resemblance 'to electricity, not in the rapidity or de- * cision of their movements, but iu the Iti,tsiroumstance that they are an altogether si"; ^Invisible force. They are never on fetiand when wanted, and are often non-* ifyv ^existent. But when the kaoliang crop ., comes up to its full height these troops '*re at the maximum of their useless- jJiV" mess. They cannot see far ahead of ! them on account of the dense forests of kaoliang; and if they came upon a large band of thieves in full coarse of gathering their plunder, and if they de- |V cided to attempt to stop the proceedings Iff}--a wild and improbable supposition-- - sit would be wholly out of tlie question to do bo, as the thieves could retreat into these kaoliang jungles, where no mounted soldier could follow for two rods. The result of this state of things is that in some districts the kaoliang time is one of fear and trembling ifor those who are obliged to go abroad. The arrival of a stranger at this sea­ son is the signal for a plot to stop him and strip him of any superfluous bag- gage, and often of the most of his cloth­ ing. This plunder of travelers is a well-recognized industry of some 'dis­ tricts, and is at its maximum during the comparatively idle interval wheu the crops have been hoed for the last time and are not yet ripe. There are certain prefectures where the population seems to take kindly to this occupation at al 4 most any se: ijf- . regions the fl iaJfetEset 'sally forth to hoe, and wh going to W a success, and that I was gathering myself for a spring at his throai, so he edged away to the other end of the car, placing several corpu­ lent gentlemen between himself and me. I let him go, though I ought to have chopped his measly head off. He dragged me three blocks in a drenching rain in order to confidence me into pay­ ing his car-fare, and there I was, wet to the skin, with a ride to Thirty-fifth street before me. I've been looking for that man ever since, -but I guess he's moved to some other town."--Chicago MaiL The (J se of a Seal in a Tank Drama. A few Sundays since"a father and son were at the Cliff House for the first time. The aon was not more than nine years of age, but he was precocious; moreover he was an interrogation point on legs. He drew his father into the following conversation and advanced an original idea later on: "What are those things over there on those rocks?" "Those are seals." "They must be awful warm lying there in the sun with such thick on?" "They don't mind that; they are adapted to the climate." "Are those the animals; that rais<$ sealskins for women?" "Yes." "Then mamma must be adapted to the climate, too, for she wears her seal­ skin when the weather is awful hot." "Certainly. All women who can afford it are adapted to a sealskin climate." "Say, papa, wouldn't a theater man like to have one of those though?" "What for?" "Well, you nee, he could train the seal, don't you know, to act in a tank, and when the ugly villain would grab the pretty, innocent girl and say: 'Marry me or your doom is sealed,' she would say: 'Never; I'll perish first,' and jump into the tank. Then the sea would swim to her and she would climb on its back and ride to a pile of rock in the middle of the tank just about the time that the fellow she love3 drops with a parachute x>n the same island. Then the curtain would go down, while the girl would be sitting on a big rock •patting the seal's head as it nestled in the lace on her lap, and the lover would ntand with one eye raised skyward and tbe other resting on the girl's wet hair and say: 'Heaven be praised for this sleek deliverer!'" "My boy, my boy!" "Where are you going, papa? "Come home with me, my son. I'll write a play and buy a seal. But, my boy, the principal part I'd give to you-- you can furnish the gas for the inflation of the balloon which carries up the parachuta"--San Francisco CalL CROCKETT'S JUG* It CflatatoMl Whisky That WM tit* OMest in th® United States. Horsewhipping a Panther. "Wild animals bold enough to make an unprovoked attack upon a man are very rare now in the older states; but one of our Pennsylvania exchanges reports a singular adventure of a Mr. Hanor one day last winter. He was driving through Stony Creek, ravine in a buggy with canopy-top, when his horse suddenly shied out of the road. As Mr. Hanor reined the horse baok, he saw a long-bodied animal creeping through the copse toward the carriage. Before he had time to make up his mind what kind of a beast it was, the animal crouched and sprang at the buggy. ded in the roadway opposite a tween the wheels, having seem- of the the fringe of which fluttered, rse snorted and plunged alieia*, victim go quietly back to his work as if and the strange animal crept along an HOthisg had happened. A. Fiend In Hunan Form. "It was raining like sin," said Horace McVicker to a group of half a dozen people, "and I was just about ready to start home to dinner, when a man who lives in'my part of town and rides on the same cars occasionally, eame along and grabbed me as I stood Qodet the awning in front of the theater. * 'Goiu' home ?' sajKs he. * 'Ye9,' says I. " 'Come on an' get a cigar first,' says he. " 'Don't want a cigar,' says L (He.e everybody looked at eaeh other and smiled sceptically.) " 'Yes, you do,' says he; 'eame-on,' and he dragged me after him. " 'I haven't an umbrella,' said I, still protesting. " 'Nuther have I,' said he, 'coeaeon.' "Well, I thought he was only going a couple of doors east, so I started on a trot with him. He grabbed hold of my arm, and when we got to the cigatstore I tried to dodge in, but he dragged me on down the street. " 'Where are you going?* said I, try­ ing to break away from him. " 'Just around the corner,' said be, and pushed along. "I saw I was iu for it, so I submitted and galloped along with him. When we reached State street, he charged straight across it, and, having reached the other side, he headed east toward Wabash avenue. I made another effort to escape, but he hustled me on, and we reached Wabash aveiiue. There we turned south and my captor lightened his grip on my arm. I was nearly out of breath and my clothes were soaked but still we staggered along. We readied Monroe street and crossed it, and I l»egan to think that this fiend was bent on running me all the way to Thirty-fifth street, when he dodged into a plaoe where they sell cigars and things, and hauled me in after him. "I was five minutes in getting my breath, daring which time the man had bought some" cigars and forced one on me. I was too mad to say anything. I was afraid if I got started I'd do mur­ der; so I sat on the neck of my wrath, as it were, and made a break for a car as it passed. The man who wanted a smoke so bad followed, and stuck close to me. After I had i aid our fares I felt I could trust myself, so I turned to him and said: " 'What in the name of a "prop'" idol, did you do that for ?' " 'Do what?* says he. * " 'Chase me half a mile in the rain,' •ays I, savagely. I felt as though I'd like to run up and down his form with those spikes on like folks climb tele­ graph poles with. " 'I'll tell you,' said he, not in the slightest abashed by the baleful glare in my eyes. 'I had to go to that place 6for cigars, because--well, because I know the man and can stand him oif.' "'Yon didn't'have to take me with yon,' says I, shivering in my elammy clothes. " 'Yes I did,' says he. 'I knew that if I bought cigars, you'd pay fare when we got on the car, and that's what I wanted. I'm flat broke.' "I just looked at this , low-down villxan, and tried to overmaster my ris­ ing rags Bat he saw that it wasn't r 1 •' V\-« -•-* , &K-. k< . , _ V ' V. " , f * J* made several moves as if it meant spring into the carriage. It constantly eyed the fluttering top, and seemed afraid to make the spring, snarling a little as it kept alongside of the wagon. Seeing that the beast was bent on following him, Mr. Hanor picked up his wbip and dealt it two cuts with the lash, thinking that it would then clear out. When the lash cut it on the head tbe second time, the animal gave vent to three ear-piercing screams, and Mr. Hanor then realized that he was deal­ ing with a panther. He had the horse well under control, with the lines iu his left hand, and as the panther followed and kept screaming, he lashed it again, and it darted to the rear of the buggy and leaped to the right side, where Mr. Hanor lashed it a half dozen times. Again it acted as if it would spring upon him, and fearing that it would finally do-so, Mr. Hanor threw down his whip, pulled off his right mitten, unbuttoned his overcoat, pulled out his six-shooter, and fired four times at the panther. Each bullet took effect, and the beast trolled into the ditch and died. t • V. s'i> Saved from the ltobbers. Some years.ago a prominent railroad' builder of Warsaw, Poland, experienced; one of the most remarkable "narrow .escapes" on record. He w.\s employing several thousand laborers along the line of a railway then under construction, and as tliera were few banks in the provincial towns of Poland in those days, he was compelled to carry with him large sums of money from head­ quarters on his regular trips, to pay off his hands. He usually drew the amount lie needed from the Bank of Poland on the day before his departure, keeping tlie money over night in his own safe, which he considered a perfectly secure depository for theste funds, as the art of safe-cracking was not yaet very exten­ sively known at that tame. One afternoon, as he was engaged in counting and arranging tbe money he had just drawn from tbe bank, some one called him into the o*ter office on some urgent business. Me. ---- threw a newspaper on the bank notes which he had spread out on his safe and stepped out, expecting to be back directly. On his return a few minutes later he very carefully loeked his safe and went home. When he entered his office aboat 6 o'clock the next morning to get the money from the safe, he was terror- stricken on finding that the safe had been broken open and its valuable con­ tents were missing. Detectives were called at once, but when they arrived and started to make a careful survey of the premises, they found all the monay lying intact on the safe, still covered with the newspaper which the con­ tractor had thrown over it the day be­ fore. He had forgotten to put the money into the safe before locking the latter, and the burglars never thought of looking anywhere else for valuables, but took the few hundred roubles thej fonud in the safe and departed. His forgetfulness saved the contractor about 80,000 roubles. A bemark always made by the other fellow: "I don't see what that girl saw in that fellow to marry him."--Mehison Qlboe, B. A. Johnson, of the Chicago Press Club, while in San Antonio recently, visited the Alamo. It chanced to be a day when there were no other visitors, and the guide, a stately old fellow, de­ voted himself to the newspaper man. I have a profound admiration for the heroes that fell here," ssaid Johnson, as he stood looking reverently at the place where Crockett lay down his life. "Yes," responded the guide, "they not only challenge our admiration, but awaken our love. It is not likelv that our country will ever again give us so sublime an example of heroism." "No country could give a more sub­ lime example." said the newspaper man. What is that up in that niche ?" "That," the guide answered, "is a jug that was recently found under a pile of rubbish, here.in the corner where the heroes died. It is about half full of whisky. See," he added, taking down the jug and shaking it. "It belonged to Crockett, for you see here is his name scratched on it. This half gallon of whisky is undoubtedly the oldest in the United States. It belongs to me, as I found it, and I was going to send it to Senator Beck, for whom 1 had a Btrong regard, but he died on the very day that I had boxed it np ahd taken it to the express office, so I brought it back here, and do not suppose that 1 shall ever part with it." I should like to send it to^the board of directors of tbe Chicago Press Glub," said Johnson, handling the jug with trembling affection. "I suppose so," responded the guide. "Let me put it back, please." Johnson returned to the hotel where he was staying, not to write an article descriptive of the old town--not to eat dinner--but to muse over that jug. He is an honest man, but withal a man of keen expedience. "Would not honesty that argues against the stealing of such a treasure be hypocritical and un­ manly?" he mused. "I think it would. Why should that jug remain there to be gazed and gaped at by people that have no real love for a fair article of liquor? It should not, and besides, the jug does not really belong to him. He merely ! found it. Why cannot I go in there and merely find it? I can." He strolled back toward the Alamo. The day was warm and the neighbor­ hood about the old fort deserted. As Johnson approached the place, he saw the guide go into a store. "I hope he has left the gate unlocked," the news­ paper man mused. He hastened on­ ward, fearing that the guide might re­ turn. Tlie gate was locked. Johnson was heart-sick. While he stood there, the mezzo-tint of defeat, a slouching fellow came along.l "If you wanter git in the fb't," said he, "you'll hatter wait till the guide gits back. Don't know how long he'll be iway. But say, ef you hain't got time to wait, I kin show yon a plaoe wbar foil kin climb over." Johnson was thrilled. "My good man," said he, "if yon will show me the Dlace 1 will pay you." "Ob, I ain't atter no pay jest fur ihowin' a man suthin', but leinme tell you it's putty dangerous. Man fell thar the other day an', hurt hisse'f miglitly." "That's bad," f aid Johnson. "Yas, the feller that fell lowed it was mighty bad." "Say, do you know anything of an old jug of whisky that once belonged to Davy Crockett?" ' "Yas, I know wbar it is." " *iU Wonder how I can get it," ow abeut that." ,on't you know that liquor much as it does to I ||})at!" the fellow sxclaim "AVell, it t'll do. If y jet. it for me I'll "It's mighty resky. "That may be. but "How much?" "Well, say ten dollars. "You mout say ten .dollars, hut I ion't." "Well, then, how much will satisfy fOU?" "I wouldn't run a resk of that sort for less than twenty-five." "All right I'll give yen twenty-five." " 'Nuff said. Stay right here an' Til fetch it." Johnson waited and watched--watched 'or the guide, and for the return of his accomplice. The thief came. "Now, ook here> said he, when he had given Johnson the jug and had received tlie noney, "yo, danger has jest commenced, fur ef the guide finds you with that •irtickle I wouldn't give a nickel fur yo' nide. You'd better leave town right aow." A few minutes later Johnson was on An outgoing train. He eyed every one •mapicionslv and bugged the jug closer ;o him. He fancied that he was sus­ pected by the conductor, and when a nan came along and tempted to engage aim in conversation, he was almost iempted to jump off the train. What a relief lie felt when night came on--when ;here was many a mile between him and San Antonio. A eomsersation'held by two men just n front of liim, .attracted his attention. 'San Antonio i« a queer place," said one )f them. Great many alcohol drinkers m town. Tiiece's one old fellow, especially, that would rather have klcohol than tlie finest whisky. This is ;he way 1 found it out: I wanted to ;ake an alcohol bath at the hotel and went to a drug store to get the stuff. 'I aave just sold tbe last in the house,' laid the clerk. 'There is an old fellow that hangs around the Alamo--worst liand alter alcohol you ever saw. I have heard, though I don't know how ;rue it is, that when the guide is away, be takes in any man that happens to some along and pretends to have found » jug of whisky that once belonged to jld Crockett. He is a pretty well edu- sated man, and has so striking an ap­ pearance of honesty that the guide does jot suspect him. Of course, any man would want to buy the jug, but he won't sell it. After awhile, however, when the visitor goes out, a fellow somes along. He knows about .the jug ind has a way of getting into the fort. For a sum of money, he will steal the jug. They have, I hear, worked several visitors. There is some talk of investi­ gating the matter, bnt I don't know that it ever will be done.' 'Why does he prefer alcdhol ?' I asked. 'Oh, whisky would be/too expensive,' he replied. 'You seenie can dilute a half gallon of ilcohotand prepare twenty-five or thirty jugs.'" "Halloa," said the other man, "did I^OQ see that man just behind us raise the window and throw something out?" •Yes, I thought I did." _ _ Johnson h^d thrown * jug into on what and soft ooze of a cypress swamp.- *ato Traveler. • k ten lory of Invention# The year 1890 is the centenary of the United States patent system, which was established in 1790 by a law passed in accordance with a recommendation of President Washington. The report of the Commissioner of Patents for the last year shows that the grand total of patents issued tip to the end of the year 1889 exceeded four hun­ dred thousand. Evidently the more new things are invented, the more there are to invent, since nearly twenty-five thousand patents were granted in the year 1889. Although the patent laws have been in existence a hundred years, the patent office was not established until 1836. Before that time patents had been issued by the Department of State. The patent office, indeed, remained a bureau of the State Department until 1847, when it was transferred to the Depart­ ment of the Interior, which was then first established. In the early years the isstie of pat­ ents numbered from fonr to seven hun­ dred a year. In fact, during the first fifty years, only about twelve thousand patents were granted--less than half as many as were granted in the year 1889. "The liberal policy of the government toward inventors, aud toward industry in general, soon had the effect greatly to stimulate discovery and invention. The growth of industries and the de­ velopment of labor-saving machinery and new processes of all kinds have gone hand in hand. It is estimated that two- fifths of the important inventions of the world have originated in the United States. The seats of manufacturing industry are also, generally speaking, the fields of the most active invention. Among the States and Territories New York, by far the most populous, leads in the number of patents granted to her citi­ zens. She received more than four thousand last year. Pennsylvania stands second on the list, aud Massachusetts third, while the distinctly agricultural States come last; but even the Indian Territory had two patents granted to her citizens during the year. But while New York leads in the ag­ gregate number of patents, the State which leads in the number granted in proportion to the population is Connecti­ cut. The people of that State have re­ mained the most inventive, mwhan ically speaking, ever since their ingenious and cheap clocks began to go all over the world, and they were accused, no doubt falsely, of making nutmegs out of basswood. The District of Columbia ranks nest to Conneticut in the number of patents issued in proportion to population, and Massachusetts follows -closely. The high position of the District of Colum­ bia in this list is due n6t to its indus­ tries, but to the fact that many invent­ ors go to the capital of "the country to take out their patents. The Commissioner of Patents calls attention to the interesting fact that, although the number of patents granted has so greatly increased, the ratio of issued patents to applicants is now about the same as it has been ever since 1840--namely, about 60 per cent. For every patent a fee is charged, and the fees bring in a large revenue. The receipts of the patent office for 1889 were move tfcan $200,000 in exoess of the expenses. (•rarefaL The breakfasts of the poet and banker, Samuel Rogers, were for years one of the social and literary attractions of Lon­ don. Eminent men and women were to be met at his breakfast-table, snd the conversation was lively,-graceful, and un­ interrupted in its How by the tediousness of bores. Mr. Rogers was an agreeable converser, and had the gift, a rare one, of living in companionship with his emi­ nent literary brethren, though they wera enemies to each other. He conld say caustic thinc»«, but his or­ dinary talk abounded in anecdotes, neatly told, illustrative of the power of the af­ fections. His kindness and grace are shown by the style in which he welcomed the poet Bryant to his hospitable dwell­ ing. The story, as told in Mr. John Bil­ low's "Life of Bryant," relates that Mr. Bogers met the American poet at a liter­ ary breakfast given by Edward Everett, then our Minister at the Court of St. James. "Where are you lodging?" asked Bogers of Btyant. "In St. James' plaoe," was the answer. "Come with me, said Mr. Rogers, "and I will show you the nearest way to St James' place." Thev passed through St. James' Park, and Rogers stopped at the gate of a small garden, which he unlocked, and led the way through a little walk anion* shrubbery and trees to a back door, and so into the house famous as one of the most attractive in London. After a little while Bogers dismis-ed Mr. Bryant by the front door, which opened into St. James' place, and said, M he parted from him: "You see, I have brought you by the nearest way to St. James'place. Re­ member the house, and come to break­ fast with me to-morrow morning."-- Youth's Companion. \VH- rever Malaria Exists The bilious are its certain prey. In intermit­ tent and remittent fever, dumb ague, and ague eake tbe liver ia always seriously affected, and the blood contaminated with bile. One of the chief reasons why Hostetter's Stomach Bitters la such a sure defense against chills aud fever and every form of malarial disease is that it doea away with liability to the disease, by re­ forming irregularity of the biliary organ in ail- 'vanoe of the arrival of the season when the (ii»- eatw; is prevalent. There is no finer fortifying prcjiarative for those about visiting or emigrat­ ing to a locality where the miasma-taint exists. There is uo certain immunity from disease in an endemic or epidemic form to be secured l»y the use of the average tonics and anti-spag- modics. But where quinine fails the liilters aucceeds both in preventing and curing. More­ over, it removes every vestige of dyspepsia, aud overcomes constipation, rheumatism, inactivity of the kidneys and bladder, and trau^uiliUM aud atrengtnenB the nervous system. A Test of Affection. "You do not love me." For a moment the fair woman trem­ bled with conflicting emotions, and she then murmured, in a tone of deepest re­ proach: "Do not love you? Ethelbert Fliblow, you smoke cigarettes; do you not?" "• I do," he answered in a voice 16,000 miles away from anything like shame or self-humiliation. 'Well, then, In spite of that even, would marry you. Now, do I love you?" --Philadelphia Time*. What Virginia (Jiris Know. Several gentlemen from the North have been in Fredericksburg recently with the view of purchasing saddle horses. One day last week one of them took a notion to try one of several horses in the stables of the gentlemen who had them tor sale; but as he was not familiar with either the horse or the mode of saddling and bridling him, was about to forego the pleasure of a horseback ride when one of our local beauties came to the rescue and in a moment showed the Northerner whnt a true Southern girl was c»pal>le of doing. Entering the stall she removed the halter, adjusted the bridle, led the animal out of the stable, and, throwing the Paddle on his back, buckled the girth and ordered the blushing Northerner to mount while 6he held the stirrup for him. He was stunned, but enjoyed the ride" immensely, doubtless surprised that a woman so fair could be so handy. --Fred­ ericksburg Free Lance. , tfetwhelesmne Sleep. Not always is sloep "tired nature's sweet restorer." Sometimes, instead of a balm, it brings a bugaboo in the shape of the nightmare. Man is a won­ derful piece of work, but his machinery may lie thrown out of gear and set a whizzing by so slight a thing as a late supi^er. An indigestible Welsh rarebit at lip. m. may result in a big, suffocat­ ing black dog across his chest at one o'clock in the morning; an overplus of loaf-pastry, which bis gastric juices can not conveniently assimilate, may pre­ cipitate him from a precipice in dream­ land into a bottomless abyss; or a sur­ feit of pate de foie gran send him to a Morpbeaiy^llows, there to endure all tridden in his ong for hisf posed to the to the the Th one cubus untimel enough ttj ^ sleep l>v a nig1 vitality--even <t»J The teraa nigU1 have been dcriv name of a demon Scandinavian mytiioioi men in their sleep and thraldom. Tlie old Saxon distemper F4f-xi<lenne, ore! With the doctors, who are n not classical, it is Epliialtiex mythic (riant of that name who under­ took to climt> to heaven, but missiug his foothold, tumbled into tbe fathom­ less depths. Most of us have probably been convulsed in our sleep with the eame sort of horror which the tripped- up Titan is fabled to have experienced during his "lofty fall" from the celestial battlements. In our boyish days, or rather nights, we were frequently pitched lifeadlong from the tops of sky-cleaving moun­ tains, thrown over staircases and into wells from which tbe bottoms had dropped oat; to say nothing of falling, bed and all, through trap-doors in the floor into illimitable chaos; or being caught up by tlie hair into realms of ether and there kept dangling and kick­ ing like a jumpiag-jack, without any apparent prospect erf i=escue. Well do we remember the start of terror with which we awoke on such occasions, and the deep-drawn siffhs of relief which followed the consciousness of safety. It is doubtful whether any waking agony surpasses tlie torment that has been endured in dreams. There can be Jittle doubt that many of the spectres of the dark ages were Maras, begotten by indigestion. Yuor Saxon gormandizer, who sometimes feasted far into the night on boar's jiesh and venison pasty, washing them down with frothy mead, must have gone to bed with his stomach in aline condition. No wonder that of the internal fermen­ tation, caused by such stuffing and swilling, hobgoblins and hippogriffs in endless variety were born. The surest way to avoid the night­ mare, and procure, that sound, health-, ful repose, with which each day's life should be "rounded off," is to live tem­ perately, regularly and honestly. Ay, honestly, for a troubled conscience, as well as an overladen diaphragm, may engeoder evil dreams.--New York Ledger. •• < "Why are you so determined to study law ? We have plenty of lawyers now." "But not prominent ones."--Flieqende Blatter. . . that he is Our Hannah Jane. Onr Hannah .Tane was thin and weak, And ashy white her lip ami clun k. "We often thought--and thought with pata, "We soon must, lose our Hannah Jane. With change of doctors, change of air, Khe'soHight for lii aling everywhere. And, wheu our hopes wore "almost pact, "Favorite I'rescriptiou" tried at last. It gave us joy, it gave us hope, 8he ceased to pine, she ceased to mop*, [Piorco'B remedies are sure and true] Now Hannah Jane is good as new. Dr. Pierce's Favorite Prescription ts tlie only medicine for women, sold by drngglsts under a positive guarantee from the maim faoturerp, that it will Rive satisfaction in evefy case, or money will be refunded. This guarantee has be«n print**! -on the bottle-wrapper, and faithfully carried out for many years. Dr. PnnacB's Pelletw--cleanse and regu­ late the stomach, bowels, and system gen erally. One a dose: purelv vegetable. Logic. , • . Miss Park wood--Do yon Know, sir, I conld sue you for breach of promise? Mr. Finlay Place--Oh, I guess not. "W hy, sir, did yon not apk sae te marry you?" • • . < "Yes." "And I consented?" ^ , •Well, sir?" , " Well, I didn't promlM, itfi Yon were the one that did that. 1 presume X have the right to ask you a civil ques­ tion, have I not, without running the risk of being dragged into tlonirt?"-- Toledo Blade. , ~ rm. i-ifuseir Children Enjoy The*, pleasant flavor, gentle action ana soothing effects of Syrup of Figs, when in need of a laxative, and if the father or mother be costive or bilious the most grati­ fying results follow Its use. so that it is the beet family remedy known and every family should have a bottle. The experiment of a ladies' choir, the members of which were arrayed in violet sprplices nnd trencher-caps, at Melbourne pro-cathedral, has proved a disastrous failure. •' When you think your children have worms ask your druggist for Dr. Bull's Worm Destroyers aiul do not take any other. They taste good and are always sure. Regret not yesterday, despise not to. day, depend not on to-moriow. No Opinm in Piso's Cure for Consump­ tion. Cures where other remedies faiL 26c. •Tan- To Restore Tone Strength ^ lb the System when '.".•.Weakened Iff •% * « . .1; '"-•* .-3 ;..r|r any other Illness, Ayer's Sarsaparilla fa positively • i iinequalled. ( Jptet'the BEST. ; Prepared by -T ",i Dr- J. C. Ayer & Co.t Lowell, Mass. Mi To cure Biliousness. Sick Headache. Constipation Malaria. Liver Complaints, take the safe and certain remedy. SMITH'S BILE BEANS TTse the SMAt.li SIZTC (40 little beans to toe tlei. They are the most convenient: salt all a|Mk Price of either size, 25 cent* per bottle, if IOCIM^ at 7, 17, 70: Photo-niaraitk panel siseof tbia picture im 4 rents (coppers cr ateaips). J. F. SMITH 4 CO;. Makers of ' 'Bile Beans."' St. I-oals, Ma m PATENTS-PENSIONS^C^: Bend for digest of Pension and BootiIt T.:r.-.>. Send fop inventor*1 Suide or How Jo Get a latent. PATBKX O'Jb'ABaEU.. Attorney at Law, Washington, D. C. CSfl LAY BY S500 TO SISH YOU ' - ̂ 3 ear by working for us. Y<?u ruri't do ltin anv surer or simpler wsr.no tuutter how v <utrv. We turn is hospital .Vpav liberally those who work eitlic r whole or part tiiu«* .stamp noi leqnired to* answer. J no C AVinstoa & Co .,151Van Bur .'n bi.Cliioage A. pocket mirror tree to smokers ot sill's l'uiicli" 6c. Cigar. PaMiBS PROMPTLY CURED BY Maywood, Kara., Aur. 10., 1888. I suffered two years with pain in my side; doctors failed to help me; t-t. Jacobs Oil cured me; no return of pain. V. LKMMON, P. M. Carlisle, Pa., February 11,1888. I was hurt In the left hip and tried sev­ eral pliysieians without obtaining relief. Less than a half-bottle of St. Jacobs Oil cured me. JOHN U. SHEAFER. Y0UNG1P and Government claims of all prosecuted bvTuos. McShkkhy, aw, Washington. D. C., and Fremont, O. wuuted to learn telegraphy. Sit­ uations furnished on railroads. VrVfnttnr.' .Iaiiesvllle,'Wis. PATENTS • I bsl« I W ftjrSeiul for circular. wunm n wsinnn. Habit. The only eertetc and easy cure. Dr. J. L. Bteohens, Lebanon. Ohio. actual strangulation, by tbe way, is only >oplexy, and the in- inordiuate and is likely Never tell» looking vglL blind The trap-door spider found in various parts of Europe baa obtained its popular name frotn the ingenious nest whioh it constructs. It makes a hole in the ground and liaies it with moss aud silk; wheu this has beem completed it closes the little pit witli on accurately fitting lid that turns on a hinge of silk. The spider re­ tires into the den when threatened with attnek, and is said to han» on to tbe trap door when an attempt is made to raise it. In this retreat it rests during the day, leaving it at night in search of food. To gain, further safety it sometimes forms a chamber leading off from the pit, and conoeals this recess with a kind'Of cur­ tain. BVne0 Trad* Vwsh* Protection. Usote Zeb, an ardent free-trader and cross-roads statesman, wit a denouncing protection with ail the arguments he could muster. 'I'll bet. Unele Zeb." Interrupted one of the crowd, "that you are * protectionist, alter ulL" "1'Jl bet I ain't." shouted the old man. warmly. "Come, now. How am I a pro­ tectionist?" "Why. you protect your system from spring and summer cooaplaints Dy taking Ayer'si Sarsaparilla." When the laugh subsided., Uncle Zeb re- plied, with a grin. "Well, yes; I'll allow that, to (hat extent I tun a protectionist, because I believe Ayer's Sarsaparilla is the host blood medicine ever m ide. not onljr for spring but for all eeasons." SOLDIERSi MENTION THIS PAPER OPIUM MENTION THIS PAPNl WDOER'8 •••NHHMBBMBHHVJp'jieitowB, Maw. MENTION THIS PAPFR J.H.V aamno TO *»rcRT!»u. and llrir* write us for new Pension laws. Sent j free. Deserters relieved. Success or no fee. A.W. •cOormlck * Sons, Washington, S. 0., * Cincinnati, O. a<ir oo l*C9Cn oo A MONTH can be made 2 13,"" I™ WtuU.™" workiwt for us. rersons )>re- terreil wlio c»n tuniisli a lior.se aud Rive their wliole time to rlie business. Ki>are moments may be prof- itablv errplovtMl also. A lew vacancies in towns ttMa cities.li.F. Jolinsou&Co.. 1009Slain St.,ttichinond.Va I LIKE MY WIFE TO USE PQZZONI'S MEDICATED COMPLEXION POWDER. Because It Improves Her Looks I and is as Fragrantas Violets. I SOLD A BABiit of Montreal says the low death rate among Jews ie owing to their adherence to the Mosaic Ifiw, which per­ mits for use as food only the Heshof sueh animals as divide the hoof and chew the cud. In the killing of these animals tbe strictest examination had to be made to pre Ten v the communication of disease to man. As to fish, the Jews only eat those with botli tins aud scales, and oysters, in his opinion, are simply "the scavengers of the sea." Lobsters, erabs, and other crustacea ai^ likewise tabcoed. We will give 8100 reward for any «aee of catarrh that cannot be cured with Hall's Catarrh Cure. Taken internally. R J. CHENEY & CO., Props., Toledo, O. CobbIiER Sohwenzeb, of Zandwitz, in Silesia, has become a member of the Prussian House of Lords. The town is READY RELIEF. THE GREAT CONQUEROR OF PAIN. For Sprains, liruiHC*. liartoirhc, l'ain in the Cliest or Sides, Headache, Toothache, or any oilier external ltain, a few application* rubbed on by hand act like maj(ic, causing; the pain to iiiKtantly htop. , For Conjcestiontt, Cold*, Bronchitis, Pneu­ monia. IiiHaimnations. Itheumratism. Neural - (is, Luiiiliueo,' Sciatica, more thorough and repeated applications are necessary. All Internal Pain*, Diarrhea. Colic. Spasm*, Nausea. Fainting Spells, Nervousness. Sleep­ lessness are relieved instantly, and quickly cured by taking inwardly '40 to OO drops In half a tumbler of water. 50c. a bottle. All Drusifists. DADWAY'S II Pit E i PILLS, An excellent and mild Cathartic. Purely Vegetable. The Safest and best Medicine in the world for the Cure of all Diuorders •f the LIVER, STOMACH OR BOWELS. Taken according to directions they will a small feudal barony which entitles its j restore health aud r»uew vitality t i i A . 1 j ; : i V - I l * . 4 • n C « Vm* WaU law all ' holder to the dignity of knight nnd seat in the herrenbaus. Baron Nathaniel Rot hschild, of Vienna, sold the seigneu- rial rights for $14;') to the cobbler, who thus became a nobleman. Six Novels Free, will be sent by Craglti St ( o.. Philada.. Pa., to any one in the U. S. or Canada, postage paid, upon receipt of 25 Dobbins' Electric Soap wrappers. See list of novels on circulars* around eaeh bar. Soap for aale by all grocers. Twain might easily establish a rifle eorps at home; all his male servants are Mark's men. -- Texas Siftings. Price 25 cu. a Bos. bold by all Draggteta The Oldest Medicine in tke World it frob*ifj DR. ISAAC THOMPSON'S CELEBRATED EYE-WATER. This artk-ie is acan-tully preparea pnyalcian'a j)M» acripiion. nu<l lias been hi constant use for nearly a century. There arc few diseases to which naoknd are subject more distressing than sore eyes, sad none, perhaps, for which more remedies have beea tried without success. For all e xternal InfiftnimatloB ot the eves it Is nil Infallible remedy. If the dlre^ tlons are followed It will never fail. Wep.irf Ie.ilarly invite the attent'on of phvstdans to its merits. IW sale hv all druggists .lOHN ! , THOMPSON, POMI K CO.. TnoY, N. Y. Established 1791. THE ELKHART 6ARR1MI& HAIMSSLFLI.CA. $14. Ticlit bottom snd \ FWr 1« havf' t •antrrs Ml \\ llOLKSAt.K I •ftvlag them the DKUll profit. Ship ANYHllF.lt!•: for examination hen in P«v freight rhargrp# if n MtUrutorr. Warranted f®r 18 rear*. BqcrIc*. Surrira, Sprtag " lottue KKKK. AddK. B. T1UTT, SALT LAKE CITY. LocnW in the midst ef the most fertile farming va leys in the world. Crops nlmndaut. never tail. Home markets constitute everything at high prices. Wonderful stock and (fazing country. Splendid schools and churches, of all denomination* . Rood society; perfect climate. A (front health resort. Orauil opportunities for investments in Salt Laka City or the rich and undeveloped mines and land of Utah, For full particulars and illustrated paiuphlats address CHAMBER OF C OMMERCE, bait Lake City, Utah. - K'.kbart. la TRKATE1) FREE. Pesitively Cured with Vegetable Remetftefc Have cured many thousand case*. Cure patients pronounced hopeless by the best physieiana. From „ tirxt dose t-yiiiptoms rapidly disappear, and in ten days at least two-thirds of all symptoms are removed. Bend for free in.ok of testimonials of miraculoua cures. Ten days treatment isiraislied tree by mail. If you order trial, s«n! *.!> eentK in stamp's to pay postage. DU. H. H. GltKEN <% SONS Atlanta, tta. . . • *4 * pr is pqvsueb aits nmxvL (PATENTED.) The Hronaeft and purest1 made. Will make the BE»T I'erfnmed Hard Soap in twenty miliUieH without boiling. It i» the be*t for disinfecting sinks, closets, drains, washing bottles,, barrels, paints, etc. PENNA. SALT NANUPC. 601, Gen. Agts., Pbila., Pa. IF TOW WISH A {SKm&wfOT REVOLVER purchase one of brated SMI TH & WESSON arms. The finest nmail arm i ever manufactured and the firnt eh"iee of all experts. Manufactured incalibres32,38and*4-lQ0l S;n- f le or double action. Safety Hauimerleae and arjfet models. Constructed entirely or bent dual* Ity wrought uteel, carefully in-peiJtert forwent* manshipand stock, they are unrivaled for lsl>k| dnrablllf v nnd nrourncy. Do not be deceived to cheap malleable easi.jron linltatlsu whica are often sold for the •.'.•imina article and are not onlv unreliable. *but daiiKeroua. Tho SMITH a WESSON Revolver* are all stamped *pon thebaic rels withtimi'ii name, addrea* ana dates of patents and are guniaiitt'ed perfect J ' sist upon having the gem dealer cannot supply jron ____ below will receive prompt ana careful attention. Descriptive catalogue and prices f >; rnlahed upon ap> plication. SMITH & WESSON, W~Ment!on this paper. tipriBElaU. Ma--. WILCOX'S COMPOUND -a. IT ST1 FXX.X.SI d perfect t» every detail m - genutee article^ and tf your yon an order »ent to address Safe. Certain ant KUtaorfcymntl. brad -iv. for Guard." fit. Wikgs's 6pc;i£; d effectual. !•- br "V WiUsz's 6pc;l CH(CHESTER'S ENGLISH PENNYROYAL PSLL8. Red Cross Diamond Brand. The <m')T reliable pill for side. 8aife*&4 «ur«\ uak Drufcatot t-<r We VHa* monrt Uranid. iu 1*1! mvusP>cK>s«>.»e»U irith b'.u« ribbon. Tube no other. s. nd4«k (>i*mns) for*p&niecturs an.i "itellef (be _ 1-iUrileii.** in l y mall. -V-vir P r̂nr. «l*b toniical L'o,, jUiuUou Ni., l'hiiai!^. n T prescribe ant! folly eo* dor-^e Big ti as the only specific for the certain curs of this disease. G. H. 1NUUAHAM.M. J>, Amsterdam. N. T, We have sold Bi? Ofol many years, and it bat Kiven the best of saw faction. „ 0. R. DYCHE * CO.. Chicago. 11L •1.00. Sold by Druggist* Xo.34 -90 Cnrwla TO S DAYS. Go&E&alttd not to e&oas Stricture. Mf ciomy by tbfr C&aalalQt. Ohio. WHEN WRITING Tt f* ulease Mty yo« n» In tkb paper. TO ADVEKTISl the ts<**rti»ca Best Cough. Medicine. Recommended by Phvs " 1e Cures where all else fails. Pleasant and agreeab taste. Children take it without objection. By dru Creates An Appetite There Is nothing for which we * recommend Hood's Sarsaparilla w th greater confidence than for loss of appetite, luiliKestiou, Kick headache, and other troubles of dyspeptic nature. In the most natural way this medicine cr- ntly tones the stomach, assists dytefctiou. and makes one feel "real hungry." Ladies in delicate health, or very dainty and particular at meals, after taking Hood's Sarsaparilla a few days find themselves longing for siid eating the plainest tood with unexpected relish and satisfaction. Try it. Hood's Sarsaparilla is sold by all drnsKists. f 1; six for $5. Prepared bv O.l. HOOD & CO.. Lowell. Masa. PENSIONS! EXPERIENCE. Apply to •ILfi 8. ITEYERS I CO.. Att'ys, 1419 F St.,Wasll- togtooJ)jC.pruioii iimr^«rQevekndjj6troitUiK>i> eVERY WATERPROOF COLLAR OR THAT CAN BE RELIED OH Not to Spilt! BE UP TO THE MARK Not to Discolor̂ BEARS THIS MARK. ^ , TRADE MARK. AH i, :'e NEEDS NO LAUNDERING. CAN BE WIPED CLEAN IN A MOMEN^ THE QNLY LINEN-LIN COLLAR MARKET.

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