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... m. • .; ~ . (Os<" t! ... . : \. -- -/.... M v . Si.; ^ • 'toQ2;; te&M' GROUND FLOOR OF BARN, STORAGE OF HEAT SOUGHT. that I suspected tor a moment that we were living in the same block-- there we might have been to the of time separated forever by ysur cell* tag and my floor. It only shows!"--- New York Press. V,*., night 0hnO> His Way is Be of corn; Lone, pafient vest fair; The darkling clouds the sunset's throibe prepare; Mid glacier cra.rs are The tempest tricks the mountain's adorn; Events^ are The sons of God blest; Amid the dark he ever lea.li to His purposes and plans are always Commit thy way to him. his way is Oh, wait for him. wait patiently and --Christopher Newman Hall. ' W'l "Ifou See, the MTIMIM e k«y fitted!" Mrs. Lanyon paused, stammered, flushed, then came to a sudden stop. The man advanced a step and out his hands. "It's a wor.ld~ of pensation," he said, and smiled. "Of---?" "The pleasure of this--this--extra­ ordinary meeting compensates in some degree for the pain of that last very ordinary one," he said. * Mrs. Lanyon stared for a moment. "I hope you're not going to be silly," she observed. "I shouldn't have come In here if I had known." "But now you are here " the pushing of an easy chair toward! her pointed the unfinished remark. "Certainly not. I ocly wanted to ex­ plain. I'm not going to sit down and talk to you. If you hadn't looked up at that particular minute I should have slipped away, and you never would have known. It's all the fault of that lift-boy." "He shall be tortured--scrumptuous- ly. I say, I'm awfully glad to see you." "And it wasn't till I got pight into the room here that I saw my mistake. The hall arc so exactly alike, and with all those draperies you never know where you are." "I do--Just now." "And I was so frightfully confused-- It's been a meeting at our club--an Extraordinary Meeting the secretary called it when she sent me my invita­ tion card--I mean, notice, and we had -to pass resolutions and things. The chairwoman--she's my very dearest friend, you know--wanted to explain that by some accident the accounts are all wrong. Of course, I don't under­ stand these things myself, but when It came to doubling our subscriptions I said 'Certainly not--whatever next?' And when the lift-boy put me out on the wrong landing I was too worried to take proper notice. I wouldn't have done such a thing for the world." "I wouldn't have had you miss do­ ing it for a score of worlds. I haven't seen you for -for--how long does it take to make an eternity? I say, don't hurry--couldn't we--mightn't we--let's > Itavesome tea," he suggested. "My one weakness!" "Methinks the lady doth protest too much. I seem to remember another. Is he--is he--well?" "He? Which?" "Why, the--the--weakness. He was grinding for his majority last year, and I was cast into, outer darkness by the reflection of his genius. I'm going to ring for tea." , "For goodness' sake, don't tell any­ body I had tea here alone with you While your wife was out," said Mrs. Lanyon presently; "our chairwoman-- she's quite my dearest friend, but tile's so tactless, she'd ruin her grand- mother for want of thought." - "I suppose the Major's awfully con­ servative?" "My dear boy, how on earth can I tell? He hasn't a constituency, atid 1 know nothing whatever of bis princi- "You don't mean you're--you're sep- - ftfated, are you?" "Separated? Why, he's in India." "Some people have all the luck!" The tone was envious and gloomy, b r "Aren't you happy where you are, then, Billy?" "Happy?" He leaned over the back of her chair and took possession of her hand. "I'm awfully--awfully happy, only I can't keep it up. You're just the same as ever, and not a day older, and you've got the prettiest fingers in all the world." A little pause, then spoke Mrs. Lan- i fon, seriously. "I think you're rather here, I'm going to pour yd*fat some tea." • Mrs. Lanyon rose. "I don't think I'll stop, thanks air the same. 'You haven't grown a . bit more sensible than you used to' be--and you're get­ ting gray, Billy, you're getting gray. It's time you reformed." "Pooh! Some people are color-blind, and I'm only twenty." He began to laugh, ,as he put down the teapoc. "Sugar?" "I don't know what you're thinking of, Billy, I really don't, but my poor husband used to say--poor dear, he was very fractious at times--he used to say that the married man who made love to the woman who was not his wife was extravagant in his affections and reckless in his syntax. His affec­ tions and his syntax were equally un­ reliable." "Ah! But what about the womaij^ who was so jolly, and so--so--mus- lin-y that he couldn't help it?" He moved to Mrs. Lanyon's side with the cup. "Tell me if this isn't right." "I believe it's all wrong. You've no business to be so glad to see me." "No? But I can't help it. I'm so glad that I feel I can't do anything but hold your hand--and hold your hand-- and hold your hand, and then walk round to see if you're still there--and hold your hand again to make sure." "Billy!" "It's true." . ' p '"Extravagant in his affections and II "The same key fitted!" foolish, don't you know, foolish or worse? If It hadn't been for that key •" "Bless Its heart!" was the fatuous interruption. " for that key, I shouldn't have dreamt of coming In here, and you wouldn't have been silly. And you are not to hold both my hands. What on «arth would your wife say If she ehould see you?" "She wouldn't mind." , "She'd be horrified." "She? fee awfully ia "I should like to meet her." reckless in his syntax.' My. poor hus­ band must have had you in his mind when he said it." "It's like his--I won't abuse him, Belle, because he belongs to you." " 'Belonged/ you mean. I've been a widow for more than three years." "By Jove! EVit I thought you said the Major was in India?" "The Major? Of course--so he is. You don't mean to say you thought I'd married the Major?" "Then you didn't?" Mrs. Lanyon shook her head. "I was very fond of the dear boy, but I don't think I should care to marry into the army. It's so--so--dictatorial, with its 'Halts!' and its 'Eyes rights!' Oh, no!" "But that girl--that sweetly inno­ cent-looking little girl you used to have staying with you such a lot- she certaiflly told me so, and offered to get me the most convincing proof. And it wasn't true?" "Not a word of it. I'd have told you myself if it had been. That sweetly innocent-looking little girl--she cer­ tainly was my dearest friend, and it's precisely what i should have expected of her--for Bome purpose, best known to herself, was romancing--romancing for all she was worth, Billy. I refused that poor Major no less than four separate times." "And I went away!" "Very unnecessarily--then." * "But now, Belle--now?" Mrs. Lanyon took up her gloves and began to smooth them coaxingly over a small and plump hand. "Now--Belle?" "Now?" The gloves were-on. and Mrs. Lanyon rose briskly. "Now I'lJ say good-by, and go to find my own flat. Then I shall send for a man to alter the lock of the front door. Un­ less, of course, you expect your wife In soon--I should like to meet her.' The answering emile broadened In­ to a laugh. "So should I, darling, so should I. I've been wanting to meet her for a very long time indeed. And It strikes me that now--at last ' Mrs. Lanyon interrupted with gasp. "You don't mean to say you're not----" "Not only 'not,' but never have been." A groan from Mrs. Lanyon. "That sweetly innocent-looking little girl! And only to think of all the time we've wasted." PUt 8TOP TO SPOON ING. Trick Played by Elderly of Philadelphia. For some time past a Spruce street resident has been greauy bothered by two young people who sit under bis window nearly every night and spoon. The resident is an elderly bachelor and to him sentiment is as far remov­ ed as the North Pole from Philadel­ phia and he could not see why two young people could be so foolish, and further than that the conversation of sweet nothings from below always dis­ turbed his slumbers. At last, tired of the unceasing words of devotion, he decided to put a stop to it. He secured a heavy gonged alarm clock, attached It to a string and the following night, about mid­ night, when the young couple were sitting serenely on the steps 1>elow his window, he lowered the clock down Until it was about six Inches above their heads. Fully a minute passed and then with the terrific force of a fire alarm the gong went off. The young couple leaped at three feet In the air, windows were thrown up and heads thrust but, while the old bachelor with an egotistical smile returned to his bed and slum­ bers. It need hardly be said that the young couple have forever crossed Spruce street from their list of spoon­ ing places, and they have vowed ven­ geance on the bachelor.--Phlladalphia Press. LIKE A COMIC OPERA. Incident of Recent Revolution Down in Paraguay. During a recent revolution In Para­ guay, according to a correspondent, a minister of war and the admiral of a fleet were captured when swimming for liberty and dragged from the river by a single shirt collar." The whole Paraguayan navy was captured at the same time. The plot was hatched in Buenos Ayres, says the correspondent. One dark night a steamer sailed from the port of La Plata bearing several hundred patriots, with Krupp field pieces, rifles and ammunition. When the boat gfyt near that historic spot, Humaita, which played such an im­ portant part in the war that ended in the downfall and death of the dictator Lopez, she encountered the entire Paraguayan navy. This navy consisted" of a steam barge seized from a private river company and manned by 100 men. It was commanded by the minister of war, who turned himself into an ad­ miral for the occasion. A character­ istic South American fight took place. At the first shot the war minister and the admiral jumped Overboard and tried to swim ashore. But the pair was caught by the victors and dragged out of the water by the* sin­ gle collar mentioned above. The Price. great thing e'er was won without a flight, -- A struggle fierce and long, unequal war. And those attendant shadows black as night That hover 'round while hope gleams faint and far? What gave Leander for love's transient bliss. An hour with her who waited by the shore To. greet him smile for smile and kiss for -kiss And pledge to him her love forever- i more? What cost this him? A battle with the sea; Alone with ali the elements at strife. Then clouds above, the waves below--Ah, me! What gave Leander? All he had, his life. What bought our country's freedom? War end woe, Tea, blood and death and desolation laid The ir.ighty tribute; yet, well might: we owe A thousand times the price already paid! What Is a "Valley Forge? A grief untold. And suffering, and hell--but 'gainst it all Place these long years of liberty; unfold Fair Freedom's banner! Tho' a million fall. Still 'twere not dear, but worthy of the price-- Our Hale, Montgomery, Warren--tho' they were Numbered J>y thousands yet the sacrifice Were not too great for Freedom's wor­ shiper. • If not too much Golgotha's mound reveal. 'Twere little tho' the earth be one vast grave! Ay, what price,is too great for human weal Since heaven for this end her noblest gave? v --Chicago Inter Ocean. Tackled Nine Lions. Col. Colin Harding, who is in com­ mand of the Barotseland native po­ lice, has had a narrow escape from death. While traveling by mule cart from Mumbwa,. to Kalomo he found' nine lions across the track. He picked up his rifle and wounded two, one of which he was following for a second shot when a lioness sprang upon him and knocked him over. Luckily he retained his rifle, and the brute fled as he fired. He had, however, sustained a broken collar­ bone, and his thigh was gashed. One of the lions was found deadr.--London Express. Electricity Kills Elektrotechnische Zeltschrift (Berlin) announces that it has receiv­ ed from M. Lokuzejewski the descrip­ tion of an apparatus for the destruc­ tion of insects, of their larvae, and of caterpillars, the. apparatus having re­ cently been presented to the Odessa Technical society. Under drawn by horses or run by an alcohol motor there is placed a small dynamo. This dynamo is moved by a system of gearing placed on the axle of the ve­ hicle, the dynamo being connected with an induction coil in front of which is placed a Wehnelt Interrup­ ter. The negative pole of the induc­ tion coil Is connected with the Iron framework of the vehicle, that is con­ nected with a series of metallic brooms placed behind and under the wagon. These brooms may be moved in a vertical direction, and as they give forth a large shower of sparks, any insect within the range of the broom is destroyed. The wagon should follow immediately behind the plow, as the latter, by opening the earth, brings to light insects and larvae. tlon Within 8mall F. M.--I have bought timber for a barn 30 by 52 feet with an L for a straw shed, 20 by 30 feet. I would like to know how I could lay oift the t to accommodate 10 or 12 head of cattle, a root house, a pen for small pigs, two or three stalls, and a box stall for horses. The bents are as follows: 20 feet for large mow; 14 feet drive floor, and 18 feet mow and granary over horses. I do not intend to close In under the Straw shed. I would like to arrange so as to have cow and horse stable door under the shed. The barn wfll run east and west, with shed on the east The for 8 single cow stalls; 3 single horse stalls; two box stalls, one of which Feeder for Stock. One of the disagreeable tasks to re­ lation to the care of horses, cows or other cattle is the necessity of arising early and supplying them with feed. This is especially true with milk deal­ ers, bakers and many others who are compelled to get up an hour or two before serving their route in order to feed their horses. This is also the case on Sundays with all drivers of teams. Automatic time stock feeders are not new to the trades, by any means, but few are as simple as the one shown in the illustration. This is so constructed that the feed may be Allows the Feed to Fall. automatically released at a predeter­ mined moment by attachment to an alarm .clock and fed into a trough or manger. A chute, through rfhich the food Is to be passed, is shown In the illustra­ tion, with a hinged door at right an* gles to the inner wall thereof, the door being connected with an arm which projects through the wall of the chute. This arm is fastened to a spring held to a' pin in the outer wall of the chute. A bracket supports a clock upon the other side of the chute, the clock hav­ ing an alarm attachment. The key which winds the alarm apparatus is connected to a spring-pressed bolt which is mounted in the wall of the chute and designed to support the fticged door when the same is weight­ ed down with food. As the clock runs down the cord withdraws the bolt, and when the proper time is reached the door is released and the food falls down to the manger. After the door is relieved of its weight the spring will cause it to resume its normal po­ sition. This would also be very useful in large establishments. The patentees are John R. Ray and William E. Sankey, of Salem, Mo. Ground Floor Plan. A. shed. 20 by 30 feet; B, . hind cattle; C, cow stable; D, hie; EE. box stalls; F, feed root house;- H. pig pen. may be used for cattle If desired; root house, pig pen and shed. The manure may be removed direct from both the horse and cow stable Into the shed. Pump Not Working Well. J. L. McD.--A well 34 feet deep contains 12 feet of water. A pipe 1% inches in diameter leads from the well to the stable, a distance Of 110 feet, with a fall of 3 feet After the pump has been idle for a time one has to pump about eighty strokes be­ fore water comes. What la wrong with the pump? In this Instance it appears that either the cylinder is too small or too high in the wheel or that the valva is loose in the cylinder and leaking air. If the latter is the case, the pipe empties after each operation, and the Whole has to be refilled with a loose valve, which accounts for the large number of strokes necessary. If the cylinder is too small, it would require a large number of strokes to bring the water up to that point in the well, and if it were too high up, especially with a loose valve, it would have the same result. I should r&ommend the examination of the valve as the most probable cause of* the difficulty. --J. B. R. .Would Exterminate Rats. Unremitting warfare against rats is advocated by Sir James Crichton Browne, who says that people now­ adays are living under sanitary condi­ tions which will seem as shocking and wiong to their descendants 200 years hence a^. conditions that obtained two centuries ago appear now. In advo­ cating a crusade against rats, as the great carriers of disease. Sir James suggests a new form of relaxation. "We have with us," he says, "lots of gilded youths whose time hango heavy on their hands, and who might vary their amusements by rat-catching, which must be quite as exciting a.ld elevating as pigeon shooting, if the sporting papers would give a descrip­ tion of the battues and reports of the bags, with odds on the favorite rat­ catchers and portraits of the record- breakers, those pernicious little ro­ dents would soon become scarce--un­ less, indeed, enthusiasts should take to breeding and laying them down as 'we do pheasants. Great things may be expected when sport, fashion and sanitation join hands in rat-catching." "It Just shows." observed Mrs. Lan­ yon, some considerable time later, "how mischief is defeated and how t£e good cause triumphs, accidental­ ly. If it hadn't been for the mere ac­ cident that upset the club's accounts and made us have that extraordinary meeting which so confused me that I dldii'i know afterward which was your lauding and wfeiefc wae mine--not Not All Ungrateful. "People who ride on these cars,' remarked the confidential conductor, as his car trundled along Walnut street the other evening, "are fre­ quently a queer and ungrateful lot, but sometimes they are the reverse. The other day, for lnstance, an old German chap was trying to get on this car of mine at Eleventh street. He was crossing the street and did not see the approach of a car up Elev­ enth. I ran out and grabbed him from in front of the fender. He gasped out, as soon as he got his breath: " 'Sir, ef I was as rich as I am poor, I vould giVe you a t'ousand dollars for dis!"---Philadelphia Press. & * / Russo-Japanese FigM, . Russians and Japanese fought ol one of the London docks. "The cas­ ualties," says the St. James' Gazette, "were one Russian stabbed and one Japanese prisoner, who spent the day In n O0J1 gfacutln y 'JIAAMM' " Seismographs on Railways. An indication of the swift progress of the Japanese mind in practical sci­ ence Is afforded by Doctor Omori's re­ cent report on the measurement of the vibrations of railway carriages by means of seismographs. The primary purpose of the seismograph is to measure the oscillations of earth­ quakes. Japanese engineers use it for determining the proper balance of locomotives and the state of the per­ manent way on railways. Many prac­ tical advantages in the saving of fuel and the detection of faults in con­ struction have thus resulted. The Harm of Flashlights. The New York Medical Record calls attention to the injurious effects of flashlight advertising signs whicn show a brilliant light every few sec­ onds. "The effect of this alteration of light and darkness is most trying, not only to the eyes of the passers- by, but also and especially to residents in the neighborhood whose windows look out on the signs. One may sleep in a bright light or in darkness, but no nerves can stand the strain of a mo­ mentary illumination of the sleeping apartment recurring several times a minute." Transplanting Bearing Apple Trees. Sub.--What is the best time of year to transplant apple trees that have been bearing about four years? The best time to transplant apple trees is early in the spring, as soon as the soil is dry enough. I fear, how­ ever, that to transplant apple trees which have been bearing for four years would not be a very successful undertaking and i would not advise doing so. It would be much better to leave the trees where they are, even if it were necessaVy to use the ground about them for something else, and to plant young trees on the spot intended for these bearing ones. If, however, it is determined to transplant the trees at any cost, the work should be very carefully done and as many roots as possible kept on. The trees should be headed back severely, at least two years' growth being taken "Off all round the tree.--M. Transplanting Rhubarb. L. A. G.--What is the best time to transplant rhubarb which was grown from seed sown last spring?. Rhubarb may be transplanted at any time after the leaves die down in the fall; but with young seedlings I should advise you to wait until spring to move them. There is danger of small roots being thrown above the ground by the action of frost, and if planted this fall they might have to be set again in the spring. Prepare your ground this fall by plowing under well retted manure; or, still better, plow out trenches four feet apart. Fill the trenches to within inches of the top with manure, throw in two inches of fine dirt and set the plants, having them three feet ap$rt in the rows. Mulch each fall with manure, which sh9uld be forked around the plants the following spring.--C. E. H. Power from Water Pressure. W. H. C.--How much power can 1 get from 60 feet of a fall of water running through a 2-inch pipe? The spring is about 22 rods from the house. The amount of power supplied in this Instance is so trifling as not to be worth considering. The distance, 22 or 23 rods, together with a small size of pipe, reduces the original head of fifty feet so materially that the power available is only one-seventy- fifth of a horse power. Troublesome Lilac Bush.- L. W.--How can I get rid of a lilac bush. We cut it down a year or two ago and'now It has grown up and is spreading all over the yard? There Is no way of getting rid of the lilac except by digging it out. if the main clumps are dug out there will be little trouble in getting rid of the smaller ones if they are dug Up during the summer and new shoots are hoed off as they appear. Improved Decoy Ducks. . A decoy duck that will flap Its wings and rise from the water has been put on the market. The decoy is mounted on a rod which fits into a tube where­ by the decoy may be anchored. The decoy is connected with a cord to the shore or wherever the hunter is and when tifte latter pulls the bird moves, Roup in Turkeys, B. M. P.--Will you kindly publish the treatment for roup in turkeys ? Mr. A. G»v Gilbert, poultry manager at the Central Dominion Experimental farm, recommends the use of a solu­ tion of Piatt's chlorides, made of a solution of one part chlorides to five parts rain water. Bathe the head and affected parts well and do so several times per day. Separate the sick birds and disinfect the premise!* ^ ' The storage of of the dreams of the engineer for years, and various schemes have been suggested. One is now being tried at an electric light station in London. The boilers of this station, of the water tube type, were capable of erating steam of 1.25 pressure at the rate of 12,000 pounds an hour. While this suffices for most pur­ poses, the demand is now so great at some times that the boilers are inad­ equate and no ground is available for extension of the plant. The period of maximum demand is, moreover, so fluctuating as to be uneconomical. Heat storage, if It could be realized, might be a great advantage. The arrangement adopted in this London case is to flt a large cylindri­ cal vessel containing water above the ordinary steam drum of the boiler. When there is only a normal demand the station some of the steam the boiler is passed into this water-storage cylinder, with the result that the water Is kept at a high tem­ perature, so that when the extra de­ mand comes upon the station this wat­ er is fed into the boiler, which, owing to this hot feed water, can give 15,000 pounds of steam an hour--an increase of 25 per cent. It is said that on oc­ casion the evaporation was actually 26,000 pounds, but 25 per cent is prob­ ably suffleient, especially as there is no priming. There is no economy in the system; the coal consumption must increase even at a greater rate than the evap­ oration, as there is considerable loss through heat radiation from the hot water storage tank, so that the sys­ tem may meet special conditions, but beyond that its practical advantages are not observable. Policemen and Jewelry. "Ever noticed that policemen, as i, class, wear rings more than most men?" asked the observant citizen. "Well, they do, and the rings they wear are for the most part valuable ones, usually with diamonds for the stones. 1 don't know why this is un­ less it is that jewelers are glad to sell rings to members of the force on credit, feeling sure of their money, and give easy terms on that account. "But the rings afe a fact. Look for yourself. The ring-wearing habit has become the greatest fad there ever was in the force. Plain patrolmen often wear rings worth $200 or $300. Sergeants own rings worth twice as much!" In defense of their jewelry the po­ licemen say that it is really an Invest­ ment. Diamonds are constantly ad­ vancing in value, so they can always get the worth of a ring if they«choosf to sell it.--New York Sun. Election Bets Won and Lost. . One of the heaviest eastern winners by the Republican victory is Thomas L. Woodruff, ex-lieutenant governor o* New York state, whose bank account has been swelled about $30,000. Of this amount $20,000 was wagered with Senator McCarren and his friends that Parker would not have 25,000 plurali­ ty in Kings county, $10,000 that Roose­ velt would carry the state and $500 even that Higgins would be elected. The bet on the state was made at 2 to 1. The morning of election Mr. Wood­ ruff sent word to the McCarren peo­ ple that he had $20,000 more" to bet that Parker would not get 25,000 in the county. He could not place the money. Congressman Tim Sullivan backed Parker and Is a heavy loser on the result. Prune Juice and Whisky. And now the merits of prune Jnlee in whisky are extolled by a man who declares that he has manufactured and sold prune juice since 1881. "Prune juice," he says, "imparts to whisky an immediate mellowness which is only otherwise obtained by kge. It is absolutely pure. A baby could drink it--in fact, it has been giv­ en to children for coughs and colds. Ninety-nine out of every hundred rec­ tifiers in the United States use it. It not only tones and gives flavor, hut makes the whisky drinkable whicu otherwise would be coarse, rank and rough. It adds something Which is in­ describable, but which is most de­ sirable." Could strawberry julce do more.--Exchange. The Bachelor's Wish. Wanted a wife. To sweeten llfo. By bachelor young and healthy! I do not care, So the lady be fair, How poor she may be or wealthy. She must not be tali, Nor yet very small. But beautiful, gentle arid young. With eyes that are bright And a heart that is light, And one who can bridle her tongue. With a soul full of love. And as pure as a dove. And a form that is slender and airy; With a voice like a bird's. Though of not many words. And as light on her foot as- a fairy. And when I can And- One just to my mind. Who'll love me sincerely &nd even-- I vow not to leave her. . •* «» Nor harm her; nor grieve h«6, 'Till death shall the pair of us sever! --Alfred Wheeler, Don't Belittle Others. Beware of people who are constant­ ly belittling others, finding flaws and defects in their characters, or slyly Insinuating that they are not quite what they ought to be. Such persons arc dangerous, and not to be trusted. A disparaging mind is limited, rutty and unhealthy. It can neither see nor acknowledge good in others. If it cannot deny the existence of the al­ leged" good, it will seek to minimize it by a malicious "If," or "but," or try ia some other way to throw a doubt on the character of the person praised. A large, healthy, normal mind will Bee the good in another much more quickly than the evil; but a narrow, belittling mind has an eye only for faults--for the unlovely and the crook­ ed. The clean, the beautiful, the true and the magnanimous are too large for Its vision. It delights in tearing down or destroying, but it is incapable of upbuilding.--London Answers, King Leaves Big Fortune. The late King George of Saxony left a fortune of $30,000,000 and no (•war than fifty-two lands aetata* * Old "Say.^mamma," queried little ert Rubberneck, "have they got a over at Deacon Swiggerton's?" "Not that I know of, dear/' replied his mother. "But Why do you ash?" • Because," answered young Robert, "when I was over there this evening j I beard Mr ̂ Swiggerton tell the cook to chase the growler as soon as the coast was clear, and everybody that a dog Is a growler." A Duet. The celebrated soprano was in the middle of her solo when little said to his mother, referring to the conductor of the orchestra: "Why does that man l)rtt at woman with his stick?" "He is not hitting at her," his mother. "Keep quiet." "Well, then, what is shehollerln' •i Exchange, of Coir Say you got rid of terfeit quarter I, gave you, Sam V "I certainly did, boss." "But don't you know it was to pass it?" "I didn't 'zactly pass it, boss; yon see, I was passin' 'round de plate to church la§' Sunday, an' I jist ex* changed it," Premature. Little Willie (10 schoolmaster, who nas been complaining for a week or two of feeling very ill)--Please, sir, will you haccept of this 'ere little wreath wot I made all meself to lay upon your grave, please, when yon peg out?--Jester. An Obliging Youth. "HoW did you lose your arm, young man?" asked the inquisitive person. "Oh," answered the one-armed youth, "the loss was due to my oblig­ i n g d i s p o s i t i o n . " . - . "How's that?" Queried the pafty of the prelude. I • „ "A girl once asked me to remove It," explained - he of the second part. Dodging the Issue. Pretty Girl--"George promised to give up tobacccf in every form when we became engaged last week." Her Brother--"Did he say anything about giving up cabbage?" Pretty Girl--"No, of course not." Her Brother--"Then he's got yon faded. I saw him smoking a three-for- flve stogie to-day." •. No Cause for Alarm. "According to the statement in this paper," said the cheerful idiot, "there is no occasion to worry about race suicide." "What does the paper say?" quer­ ied the scanty-haired bachelor. "Jt says that the stork can fly 300 miles an hour, and keep it up for six weeks." Cause of the Trouble. Count Noaccount--"I hear you and! your American bride don't get along; well together." Duke de Deadbroke--"No; her dis­ position is simply Intolerable." Count Noaccount--"Quarrelsome." Duke de Deadbroke--"No; it's her disposition to handle all her own money." A Jolly for Papa. She--And what shall I say in ease papa asks what your prospects are? He--Well, er--you might say I am figuring on securing one of the most prominent, influential and wealthy men in the city for a father-in-law. That ought to fetch him. Plausible Theory. Elsie--"What is your idea as to tho meaning of the term 'platonic rffe©- tion'?" Polly--"it usually meanB that ther young man In the case would rather- sit by your fire than buy his oww coaL" ' / The Usual Complaint. Magistrate--Will you support ronr wife or not? Defendant--Yuur honor, how can IT She's -insupportable.--Half-Holiday. , Extraordinary Consideration. "Why don't you make your husband promise never to bet op a horse race?" "Because," answered Young Mrs. Torkins, "Charley has regrets enough without burdening his conscience with broken promises." An Impossibility. Boftlelgh--"When I --aw -- awake* foh her hand an mawrtage her bwwtal fathah tbweatened to--aw--bwaln me, doncher know." Miss Cutting--"That's just like her father. He always was fond of o joke." Her Vocation. -* !!•--*Tou say that she is a bmiaws woman, this friend of yours. What business is she interested In?" -/ "Svery body s.' '---Detroit