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itliHMMpiiiiiiwinnjiipn n u j.ii 1 . J il.^u .41J * 4V,! > a- % - v> - \ * m™* - • * i R U f i C Oj . $ -- 1 flvAA.'VWAaXAJS <Sr ) AT THE. POLtTtCAL. 6A/VQUCT3, A /Y*/V M43 AT &KUAVC, J>/1Y \ 0 K£/J£A RJ/AiQ Sf/J Of*£.ECM w/Cr engine wi th ranqe o f TWO HUNDRED MIUE8. SeaCoast Cities Could Be Destroyed by Shells from Ships Far Out' ajt Sea Beyond Range of . Ordinary Guns. A POLITICAL orator is a man ' of verbal luxuriance, and nearly always the shallow­ est of sophists. There is usually little to be gained in what he says, but, to "the groundlings." there Is a deep sig­ nificance in the way he says but, to "the groundlings," there is a deep significance in the way he says It. We had orators in the ward and in the city, the common, native gar­ den variety of "wind-jammers," and the exotic, of imported variety of "jaw-smiths." Oratory at its best is rather a lost art, and the political ora­ tor is a good example of a lost artist. We never expected to influence voting U» the ward on account of speech-mak­ ing. The Republicans went to Repub­ lican meetings and the Democrats went to Democratic gatherings, and the applause that the speakers re­ ceived was simply the "jolly" that their own crowd was handing them, and there you had it. Occasionally man might drift in where some really witty and abie talker was roosting out the "chin-mu­ sic," and be impressed a little, but af­ ter he had gone home and slept over it. and appeared at the polls, he would Set the same old ticket and vote it in the same old way. I heaTd the orators '« an early day who were orators, but did not hear them in the political cam­ paigns. "Bob" Ingersoll and Emory Storrs were orators the like of whom I shall hardly hear again, but it was not for me to be dazzled by the glit­ tering generalities or clumsy plati­ tudes of these "silver-tongued" orators of the hustings, no matter whether they were of^my own party or not. I liked a good, sensible talk, but the average line of ."bunk" handed out by the ground and lofty tumblers of the city campaigns was something to make a man laugh. And yet the custom had grown so strong that nothing could apparently stop it. There was always the com­ mittee on halls, and the committee on speakers, and there was a racing and chasing of cabs and a mounting bf platforms by anxious candidates, and a great desire to present to the citi­ zens the "issues of the day" and so­ licit their suffrages on election day. And who attended these meetings? Why. mainly, the "boys." The pre­ cinct captains, the members of the ward clubs, the hangers-on that only knew Andrew Jackson as the name of a cigar, the men on the pipe-extension gangs, the ward superintendent, the men down la the city hall, the sewer diggers, laborers, etc., who are work­ ing for the city, and the "pay-roll bri­ gade" in general. And where was the private citizen? Why, he was at home, reading the evening paper, playing with the cat, haviug a quiet little game of "cinch" at ten cents a "corner," five cents a "set-Hp" and Tommy around to the Dutchman's with the big white pitcher. Much he cared for oratory. If he got a letter from the managers of the cam­ paign, or maybe a letter from a may­ oralty candidate, he opened it and read it, and possibly speculated a lit­ tle as to the truth of it, but, as a rule, he did not bother himself much as to the meetings. There was an exception to this, however, when the candidate for al­ derman or the candidate for mayor appeared in a ward. Then the citizens generally went to the meetings. But not to hear what were glibly termed "issues" discussed. But to look at the candidate, size him up. and see wheth­ er they liked him, and if he looked like a man who could fill the job. They didn't care for his "oratory," un­ less he could tell them a good story, or "roast" the opposition candidates wittily, and then he was indeed a "star." The appearance of. the may­ oralty candidate was, of course, the great event of a ward campaign, and filled the halls to overflowing. Boys and women in the galleries, and even the aisles jammed. » Perhaps some " silver- tongue" wwiU be making the welkin ring with a passionate declamatory burst about "the thirteen struggling colonies," "these" are the times that try men's souls," "when in the course of human events," or some other "guff" borrowed from a school history, a war pamphlet or the declaration of independence, when all at-once there would be a shuffle at the other end of the hall. "Here he comes," and "there he is" would be the whispers and signals, and the great man or great men would approach through the center aisle at­ tended by a cordon of followers like the attendant pilot-fishes- to his majes­ ty the shark, or more properly speak­ ing, like the attendant porpoises on the whale. The "silver-tongued" "bunk-shooter" would then grasp the hands of the great men. to show how close he was to the throne, and would gently but firmly subside, and "the Real Thing" would proceed to address the meeting. Close attetfttah was always shown to the mayoralty and aldermanic candi­ dates and to no one else. And what the audience was always trying to figure out was "what kind of a man is he?" and not "what are the issues?" And so the orators soared in and out of the issues like a swallow's flight above a river, and their analysis of the questions of the day left as much an impression on their hearers' minds as the bird's flight does in th« air above the river's current. But they were watching him, and shrewdly or otherwise making up their minds as to his sincerity, his courage, his honesty and his general ability to fill the office he was seek­ ing. The main issue was always some­ thing that no one, not even the origi­ nators of it, really understood. It was usually based on a strictly scientific degree of accuracy. It started from self-evident and bitterly contested con­ clusion, and arrived in a labyrinth of contradiction from which there was no outlet. The celebrated traction is­ sue, for instance, was one on which several campaigns were fought, and no honest man ever really pretended to understand it. The question had as many angles to it as three-cushion carom billiards, and as fast as one perfect solution to the puzzle was of­ fered, something would bob up that would change the status of affairs and make it as much of a mystery as be­ fore. The main uses of campaign oratory in the wards was to enthuse tbe work­ ers, to get the "hustlers" in the vari­ ous precincts busy in getting out the votes. To do this required that the speaker descend from the high trap­ eze of flowery declamation and talk about the practical benefits to be de­ rived by a party victory. "The thir­ teen struggling colonies" were all right in their place, but that was several years back, and what the workers wanted to hear about was the patronage to be distributed, the pos­ sibility of jobs and positions when the victory was gained, and "what there was in it for them." The business and professional men of the ward followed their callings on precisely the same plan. They, also, were looking In their lin<* for pe­ cuniary rewards and emolument. Yet they sneered at the politicians. What difference did it make to a fellow who was out of a place in the city col* lector's office, whether a measure of public policy smacked of Hamiltonian- ism or .Jeffersonianism? What he wanted was the job.5 So a great deal of the local political oratory was prac­ tical to <1 degree. At the political banquets, however, the real oratory was supposed to be uncorked, and we always attended these banquets, usually at from three to five dollars "a throw," or a plate, as the more polite termed it. But the science of after-dinner speaking--post­ prandial oratory, as it is called, is largely dependent upon extraneous conditions; and particularly as to the state of receptivity on the part of the audience. After a man has drunk, say two or three glasses of sauterne, a couple of glasses of claret, and four or five or eleven glasses of cham­ pagne, he is usually in a very uncriti­ cal condition. And almost any flowery "bunk" goes with him as some­ thing grr.nd. But just let a man stick to "little old a«]ua pura" all durljig,the banquet; let him up-end his glass and, say: "Kay, nay, Paulino" to the teetering waiters who hover near with the Bac­ chanalian fluids, arid "what a change is there, my country-men," In hl» jodgment of the post-prandial slush that, is ladled out to him. The' Jo* Miller jests and learned by heart or­ namentations of the speakers fall on an inattentive ear; and he cannot be lured into wild and unreasoning ap­ plause over some well-known quota­ tion which has been delivered by an orator with the air of "I've just thought of that." Political oratory is composed of the usual two classes of all oratory, to- wit: prepared and impromptu. Pre­ pared oratory is oratory which has been admittedly gotten up beforehand and which the speaker is ready to hand out to the reporters on type-writ- ter> sheets before the banquet. Im­ promptu oratory is oratory which thte speaker has learned by heart and re­ fuses to give copies of, although It has been written out carefully. This compels the attendance of short-hand reporters to take it down. When the stenographers take it down, the im­ promptu orators will sometimes give a favored paper an exact copy of the speech, so as to have it printed cor­ rectly. It may be hinted that all this sa­ vors of the cynicism of the man who envies the accomplishment of oratory to the "silver-tongued" tribe. Far from it! I have "been there," Hora­ tio, and have on occasion aroused the plaudits of the banqueteers myself. The most pronounced success I ever had in that way was a little impromp­ tu gem that 1 delivered before a "stone sober" crowd one time. I had been given my subject six months before, and had written and re-written my talk all out, at least a dozen times. I had polished It, and adorned it with slavish care, and had blended with it various thoughts and quotations from the poets and the philosophers. You don't have to,use quotation marks In oratory, and anyway, I did not know where these gentlemen had stolen their stuff from. I type-wrote this talk, and let it lie a couple of months, and then went over it again, shortening some of the long sentences, and rearranging and shifting until I got it down as fine as j it was possible for me to do. Then I learned it absolutely by heart. I could say it backwards or forwards, begin in the middle and recite it eith­ er way. I knew it better than the mul­ tiplication table or the alphabet. I "orated it" until I had, as I thought, all the proper inflections, even to a little stumble, a little "eloquent pause" where I was supposed to be overcome by the strength of my emotions. It was really a very hard job, the getting up of this little "impromptu," and one which I should hardly care to tackle again just for the sake of doing some­ one a favor. Finally I had the thing down letter perfect, and the day and occasion ar­ rived for my "setting it off." Now some "impromptu" speakers make the mistake of "spieling" their piece right off "the hooks" without giving themselves any time for "inspiration." This is a fatal mistake, and even the most obtuse will not be deceived if you begin at top speed with your "fire­ works." But I had heard too many impromptu speakers to be lured into such a false position. The proper way is to select something about the particular occasion which may strike youi' f&ncy and then start in with a few halting sentences about that. Something of this sort, for instance: "As I stand on this spot to-day, I feel incapable of adequately voicing the feelings that the time and the occa­ sion would call up in the breast of a real orator," or "I am glad to be with you here, my friends, to-day; and this 'audience, and the event which we are called upon to celebrate, only makes me feel my shortcomings as a speak­ er," or "As I entered the hall to-day I caught sight of," etc., etc. And then, when you have edged in with one or two airy common-places you can come in with your "siss, boom, AH" verbal pyrotechnics, and give the audienpe a sure-enough "impromptu" exhibition. The uninitiated will say: "Ain't he a corker?" The man that "Is next" will reply: "G'wan; I'll bet It took him six months to frame that up." KRNEST M GAFFEY. (Copyright, 1908, by Joseph B. Bowles.) AND HE DIDN'T GET PAPER Cleveland Man the Victim of Most Unlucky Episode. When the boy would essay to throw the morning paper In on the i>orch at an East Knd man's home the paper would occasionally land on the roof of the porch. Now, this man always likes to read his paper the minute he gets out of bed in the morning. It is always a hardship to him to have to wait until he gets dressed and then crawl out after the paper. A few morningB ago he was partic­ ularly anxious to glance over the pano­ rama of the preceding day's events, and as the air was comparatively warm, he was tempted to scamper out on the roof after the paper just as he was. His wife was downstairs getting breakfast. She would have been hor­ rified at the idea of him going out on the roof Just iu his nightie, i>ut he looked up and down the street and «aw that no one was in sight, and, anywayL he could be back inside in just a second. He went out. Just after he had gone the window went down! It had one of those patent burglar locks, too, and he couldn't get it up. How cold and raw the balmy spring air was! And it seemed to him that their quiet little street had never had such an air of activity as it had suddenly assumed. Every one of the neighbors seemed to be start ing down town. He called ex­ citedly for his wife, and at the same time tucked his fluttering nightie about him. His wife, however, couldn't hear him, and in the meanwhile sev­ eral strangers passing by laughed boisterously at his dishabille. The porch climber was finding his predic­ ament more and more uncongenial. By and by Smith, his next door neighbor, came out of the house. He got Smith to go around to the back door and send the gpod wife up to unlock the window. And after he got Inside the East End man remem­ bered that he had forgotten his paper, after ail.--Cleveland Plain Dealer. Alt deciric cauuuu • i nuse ui 200 miles is s>iid to be one of the re­ cent developments In war equipment, tidings of such a tremendous weapon having come from England. With such a cannon France could easily destroy great cities of England, and England could as easily dp ths same by France. Germany cou& plant her batteries 200 miles from the French border and blot out great cities, and the French could give them tit for tat. A gun placed on top of the Alps could destroy countless millions of dollars worth of property. , How would Boston feel if a fleet 200 miles out in the Atlantic were able to train guns on her? Or how would Canada feel if from a position well on the United States side of/the Cana­ dian boundary we were able to hurl huge she.ls at her? Some wireless scout might report that a missile was on the way. It would take a full minute, even with the enormous initial velocity of six miles a second, for the destructive vis­ itor to arrive. A minute is long enough to get thoroughly scared in, but scarcely gives the opportunity for an entire population to escape. If there were any sound accompany­ ing the discharge, it would be heard about 16 minutes after the arrival of the projectile. Probably no warning would be given. Let the wireless buzz and the aero­ planes go scouting at all points of the compass in search of the destroyer of cities. Boston might be blotted out in the few hours required, with the best luck, to find the enemy. And if the location of the enemy is known at the beg4nning, and fire fights fire, the enemy has a city for a target while the defenders must aim at a tiny bull's- eye. Such speculations would seem to be­ long to the school of novelistic dream­ ers of the future. However, they are soberly advanced as matters not very far over the future horizon by Col. Frederic N. Maude, C. B., a military authority and lecturer in military his­ tory at Manchester university, in Eng­ land. it appears to Col. Maude, writing In the Contemporary Review, that the invention of the electric gun is the greatest discovery of the age. It is the invention of Mr. Simpson, former­ ly known as a metallurgical expert. It is unlike any gun ever known, since it has no recoil. The lay mind can hardly conceive the possibility of a projectile leaving a fun at terrifla speed, yet having no backward push. Whether powder or compressed air is used in the ordinary gun, there is a powerful recoil, proportionate to the charge and the weight of the weapon. It may be surmised that the electric projectile Is not driven, but drives It­ self by means of propellers, constitut­ ing an aerial torpedo or a self-directed •eiupiaue ui u«n utiiOD: There is no sound or smoke. The initial velocity is 30,000 feet a second. This is traveling close to six miles a second, a speed heretofore' undreamed of for projectiles of any sort. Half a mile a second is about the limit for powder-driven projectiles. Boston at Mercy of Hostile Fleet. The electric weapon is able to propel missiles of any desirable dimension! and weight up to 2,000 pounds. It is imaginable that at a distancs of 50 miles the velocity would be suf­ ficient to bore any battleship or build­ ing with a solid projectile, while the mere conveyance of high explosives at a greater range would be sufficient ly destructive. It is assumed that 200 miles will ba the effective range. At this estimate the nations of Europe could mutually devastate their cities without over­ stepping frontiers. A small anarchis­ tic state could blow up half a dozen metropolises. Bombs could be dis­ pensed from London to a circuit of cities including Liverpool, Amsterdam, Brussels and Paris. The channel would interpose no obstacle to a duel between the French and English capi­ tals, torpedoes flying through the air in opposite directions to destroy West­ minster and the Pantheon, the houses of parliament and the Louvre. The dirigible balloon and the aero> plane are the only means suggested to cope with the new terror. They might explore the country, locate the enemy and drop packages of dynamite on him unless he annihilated them first with an aerial torpedo. The airships, how­ ever, will likely feecome complement­ ary to warfare by electric gun. THE SEAT OF LIFE IT 18 LOCATED IN MY8TERIOU8 GLAND UNDER THE BRAIN. Dr. Charles E. de M. Sajous Claims That It Is, and Says His Discov­ ery Means Much for Ther- ' apeutics. ONE POINT IN OUR FAVOR Might Not Build Cars, But America Has the Railroads. Vt BriarcllffT Manor, the day before the great motor race, Barney Oldfield said to a reporter: , "Here is a good one^on the foreign car* Oo you see that young million­ aire with the strap and buckle ar­ rangement on his low shoes? Well, he was doing the south last month In a French limcusine. "Between two towns there was a steep, rougK. soft hill. With his heavy limousine the millionaire got stuck on It. He h»d to turn back. "Wefl back there In the town they advised him to4 ship the limousine on in a flat car of the local freight that was just about to pull ouL lie wise­ ly did so. During the slow, steep run the conductor and brakeman of the freight gathe-ed about him and his limousine on the flat car. He gave them large, go^d-tlpped Egyptian cig­ arettes. and to please him tbe conduc­ tor said: ' " 'Fine car you've got there.' . - " 'Yes,' said the millionaire. 'It'3 a French car. We can't build them like that In jthis country.' " 'No, maybe not, said the conduc­ tor, a bit nettled; 'we can build rail­ roads, though, to take . them up the hills.*" There is one great question now agitating the medical profession: Has the seat of life been found at last? IB the whole science of medicine to be revolutionized by the discovery of the functions of a body in the human or­ ganism aboiit which as little has. been known in the past as about the per­ plexing appendix, that has caused so much troubla? An imi«ossibility--a ludicrous im­ possibility--of course, many will as­ sert promptly. Galen and Hippocrates have been too long dead, Metschnlkoff and Koch too long alive, to make the idea anything less than laughable. Yet, denuded of its scientific phraseology, it was precisely that which brought together, in Philadel­ phia, a short time ago, the two great national bodies. They joined to hear, from the lips of Dr. Charles E. de M. Sajous, a dis­ course on "The Auto-Protective Re­ sources of the Body: a New Founda­ tion for Scientific Therapeutics." Just where the head rests upon the column of tne spine, directly under the human brain, is located a small gland to which science succeeded in giving a name and nothing more. Science called it the pituitary body, Sajous' work, it is said, has demon­ strated that this gland is the last, se­ cret stronghold of the life of man; and the fluids which the pituitary body produces are those which gov­ ern the products of the adrenal sys­ tem. Located on the very top of the spin­ al column, immediately below the brain, protected on all sides with the utmost care, lies the pituitary body. MARITIME ADVICES. Tlie "lioneymooners," of Hymen's LJne, Set sail for the Matrimonial Sea, Clearing the Port of Saint Valentine, The fourteenth Instant. To-day we see, By our advices, the bark was blown By the gales so sure In the early cruise. For which these waters are badly , known. But the storm was weathered without a brui»efc Later: we learn she spoke a fleet Ot Hymen Liners and held their course. But nearly fouled witli a craft that beat Across her path tor the port Divorce. Soon after, passing a wreck, they lent The one survivor, a,'friendly lift; Then, warned by the fall of the class, they sent The Interloper once more adrift. One year from sailing the stores were seen . , To be decreasing by far too fast. The mate took hold, and the skipper's been ' Amazed at the fashion the rations last Our last advices report the boat Is Bailing happily on a aea All warm and sunlit: they further note The crew ha» recently grown to three. -- Lay ton Brewer, in Puck. Higher Than "Monarch. He wh6 reigns within himself,,an# rules passions, desires and fears, it more than a king.--Milton. To its role in the ecpnomy of the hu­ man body a recently published text­ book of physiology devotes seven lines. Indeed, beyond the fact that it was supposed to provide some sort of a secretion--tbe purpose of which had never been found--nothing was known as to the actual role of its forward lobe; while its posterior lobe had been relegated to the rank of a remnant from man's Solution. Sajous demonstrates, it is claimed, not only that this conception is false, but that the pituitary body, in its re­ lations to the functions of the body at large, is even more important than the brain itself. Jtane of these func­ tions is impaired ^when the. cerebral hemispheres of the brain are removed; all cease, however, when the pituitary body* is submitted to tihe same re­ moval. The brain, as the organ of the mind, can utilize the spinal system, with which it is connected, to execute its mandates; but the spinal system is also supplied with its own brain, the pituitary body, which Sajous terms the somatic brain, the governing organ of all vegetative functions. He shows, moreover, that this somatic brain con­ tains a delicate organ whose mission is to protect the body against disease. Sajous studied this organ in the ani­ mal scale, and found it in all animals down to such low forms as mollusks, where it bears a suggestive name giv­ en to it by zoologists, the test-organ, or osphradium, and is known by them to have the function of testing the wa­ ter for these lowly beings as they pass through it and take it in. In the higher vertebrates, including man, this test-organ protects against disease. Thus it is asserted that in the "so­ matic brain." in the pituitary body-- in that new and tiny brain of the human being whose functions Sajous has at last discovered--lies the ulti­ mate seat of human life, lies the cita­ del which is the very center of ths agents that guard against the destruc tlon of life. SHORTSIGHTED. The peasant in the fable was elect ed justice of the peace, and he hadn' fined more than a motorist or two be fore he got an idea. "They're so blamed easy, b'gosh,' quoth he, quaintly, "why dot soak 'em for enough to build a new town hall?" it looked good to him, and straight­ way he began imposing such enor­ mous fines that soon motorists were actually reducing their speed to the legal limit. "Alas! I've killed the goose that laid the golden egg!" he cried, here­ upon, and dolefully wondered how he should ever look his constituents In the face again.--Puck. r Falsehood's Deception. Shakespeare: Oh, what a goodly otttp side falsehood hath. The Feminine Viewpoint. "Wkat reason have you fdr consid­ ering the theater an educational insti­ tution?" he asked. "Why," she answered, "most of the Bwellest styles seen originated on ths stage " And, being a man of intelligence, he let It go at that--Chicago Dally News. "You know that red-headed cashieir that had the nerve to complain of my to the boss the other day," 'said tha girl at the telephone desk, to a New York Times writer. "Well, I got eve#/ ; with him, ail right. He ain't married*, but he's got a best girl. His father owns a shoe factory over in Jersey, and rich--my! Well, she called him the other afternoon at her usual time. 'Is Mr. Smith there?' she asks. In her most romantickist voice. 'Yes,' I answers, just as honeylike as she. 'It's his wife wants him, isn't It?' With that Miss Girl hung up with such a Jerk my ear hurt. Smith goee around wondering why she does not call him up. Eyery t|me he dares he Bays to me: 'Has any one called me on the 'phone, Miss Limit?* And I look as in-*- nocent as a kid and shake my head 'No.' I tell you, us telephone girla can turn 'Joy to the Bride* into "Noth- in' Doln" any time we please. Ma tor Us." TIME TO HUSTLE. Kid--Gee whiz, but er feller feels lonesome in. de spring if he ain't got er goil! In a Pinch, Use ALLEN'S FOOT-EASE. A powder. It cures painful, smart­ ing, nervous feet and ingrowing nails. It's the greatest comfort discovery of the age. Makes new shoes easy. A certain cure for sweating feet. Sold by all Druggists, 25c. Accept no sub­ stitute. Trial package, FREE. Ad­ dress A. S. Olmsted, Le Roy, N. Y. Another Ruse. Eva (pouting)--There, ^aow, bos what you have done. Youfr cigar left a spot of ashes on my cheek. Jack--Don't be angry, dear. Ill fix it Eva--How T Jack--Why, I'll kiss you on tbe spot. Important to Mothers. 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