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fe ••Ti- •' • » ~ ?* ; ^ v.',.,; f BY QEO. V. HOBART, ("HUGH M'HUGH.") Dear Bnnch: The other evening / JThen we gave an onion saengerfest ' you remember our lives wer# saved from too much vocal fireworks by the Announcement that chow was ready. We waltzed in and took our stalls ifi.-'-%ith hearts full of thanksgiving. ; .vv And here's where old Dr. Guffhand- #. Jfir, the food expert, stepped into the j'wpot light and took the show away Irom everybody. ^ You know, Bnnch, the Doc is one (If those old guys with a license to ttunt for germs, and everything he eats ^ ; Jjias to give the countersign and then ;njio through a written examination. , He loves to display his scientific Inowledge and throw Latin crimps i-,Into the low foreheads. - Uacle Peter believ'es every word leaves Doc Guff bander's face, but ;|br my part I think he's an old Cam- :_.i|mbert. --I Well, Bunch, no sooner were we (<Tj||eated at the table than Doe parted his whiskers carefully, coughed to at- "Have a Lemon," Said Stub, tract attention, then picked up a little-neck clam on the end of his fork and proceeded to give It the third degree. "The adulteration of foodstuffs these days is being carried on to an exteqt worse than criminal," the old fluff began, solemnly. "Ah, even here I see traces of sallysillic acid with borax-phosphos, even hem on this dam." "Put a little tabasco on it and cut loose," suggested Bud Hawley. "Have a lemon," said Stub. "Squeeze it over the clams and make a wish." Uncle Peter and Uncle Gregory, the latter refreshed and made happy by Ills noisy nap, were the only ones at the table who seemed to take the doc­ tor seriously. Uncle Peter listened with marked attention, while Uncle Gregory glanced at his clams and shuddered. The doctor ate his unconcernedly. When the soup came on the Doc lifted a spoonful thoughtfully, then sloshed It slowly back in his plate, while the two old unkies eyed him nervously. "It's bullyon," whispered Uncle Peter, anxious to prove the boup's In­ nocence. "Booyon," corrected Aunt Martha In a stage whisper to Uncle Pete. "Here," said the doctor, examining the spoonful critically, "here are traces of hydrophosphates and about ten per cent, philharmonic acid." "I.never eat soup," gurgled Uncle Greg., "because it's a waste of good apace." The doctor said nothing more, but quietly surrounded his soup. When the fish was served the doc- <a.*s <^3L n: "But We Can Never Be Sure." tor danced over his plate with his fork, ftnd said: "Hydrostatic acid with here and there symptoms of manganese germs, and a few sulphide microbes." Uncle Gregory pushed his plate back with a sigh that was pitiful to hear. Peaches was now so nervous that her hands were doing a shaker duet, and there was a bright spot on each cheek. The others at the table, with the exception of nervous old Uncle Greg­ ory, paid not the slightest attention to Dr. Busyface. Even Uncle Peter threw away his germ fear after the clam episode, and took a long chance with everything from soup to nuts. Next we had some chicken a la Maryland, with French-fried potatoes, green peas and asparagus tips. When Uncle Gregory saw all this lis fare broke out in a smile, and we «ould see his appetite roll up its Sleeves. "In this," the doctor began again, feoldlng. up a chicken wing on his fork, "in this we have a cold storage ken which has been treated with ox- glic acid and chloride of potassium to keep it in a shivering state." "Pardon me, doctor," exclaimed Peaches, indignantly, "but it isn't a fold storage chicken, because I bought |t from Mrs. Riley only this morning." "Possibly," went on Caterpillar Charlie, "possibly my hurried diig- fosis was at fault, but we can never e sure about these things, because iere, on the elbow of the wing, I find traces of calisthenic acid oyer the membranes." "No, thank you," said Uncle Greg­ ory, "I never eat chicken, It gives me /'the heartburn," and the poor old guy •truck such a note of hunger that I Wanted to throw that damdoctor out #f the window. ^ By this time several others at the fable were becoming more or less im­ pressed, aai the dinner party was be­ ginning to assume the cheeiful aspect of a meeting of martyrs an hour be­ fore the arena opened. "Please pass me some French-fried potatoes," whispered Gregory, after the pangs of hunger had eaten him to the ropes. "Here we find," croaked the doctor, raising a sliver of potato high on his fork, "here we find one of the most evil effects of food adulteration. This potato was grown in the fall of the year 1889, but it has been washed in alum water to give it the appearance of being modern, while its eyes have been treated with belladonna to make them bright and snappy." Uncle Gregory groaned pathetically, and the rest of us, out of politeness, tried to look interested, but only suc­ ceeded in looking seasick. When the ice cream and cake were brought on Dr. Guffhander drove his spoon down deep into the chocolate and vanilla mixed, and said: "Here is a pitiful illustration of what dishonest tradesmen will do for money. Here we find that some of this ice cream was pale originally, but it was treat­ ed with aniline dye to give It this chocolate effect, and then baked in the sun to deceive the eye. On the other hand, we find this vanilla was originally dark and forbidding, but it has been treated with peroxide of hy­ drogen to make it more of a blonde." "Pardon me, doctor." snapped Peaches, her teeth chattering with nervousness, "but this ice cream was made in our own kitchen by Dora, our own cook, with cream from Mrs. Riley's own cow, and we never have any but home-made Ice cream, so there!" "Ah," said the doctor, "then In that case it must be traces of thanatopsis which I see, and the evidence is con­ clusive that a great deal of artificial frappe has been used, nevertheless." "No, thank you," said Uncle Greg­ ory, "I never eat ice cream, because it goes to my head and makes me cold tq my friends." "Take this coffee, for Instance," chortled the doctor, Juggling a spoon TUNNELED PALACES SECRET PASSAGEWAY8 IN HOMES Perfect Labyrinth of Underground v Vaults and Tunnels Whose Mye- tcries 4a Many Cases Are Unsolved: "I Never Eat See Cream,,1 ful with Aie left hand and four lumps of sugar with the right; "herein you will find copper salts, iodide of chic­ ory, a four per cent, solution of gladi­ olus, together with about a sixteenth of a grain of mocha to the cupful." "No, thank you," gasped Uncle Greg­ ory; "I never drink coffee; it gives me the hiccups." After the dinner was over Uncle Gregory took me outside and whis­ pered: "John, for the love of a bliss­ ful heaven, the next time you give a dinner party cut out that bug doctor, or let me wear ear-muffs!" Peaches hasn't spoken a sensible word since that bitter evening. Can you blame her? Yours .till the wheels fall off, JOHN. (Copyright, 1908, by G. W. Dillingham Co.) Hair and Heredity. Gertrude and Charles Davenport, connected with the Carnegie institu­ tion's station at Cold Spring Harbor, N. Y., writing in the American Nat­ uralist of the results of their observa­ tions on the "Heredity of Hair Form in Man," say it is now possible to pre­ dict from the hair of parents the form of their children's hair, whether straight, wavy, curly or frizzy. They find that the following rules are al­ most invariable: "Tw» blue-eyed, straight-haired parents will have only blue-eyed, straight-haired children. Two wavy-haired parents may have straight, wavy or curly-haired chil­ dren, but the chances of curly hair are slight. Two curly-haired parents, may, have children with either straight, wavy or curly hair, and the propor tion of curly-haired offspring will prob. ably be large." Installing Relics of Logan. Mrs. John A. Logan has begun the work of supervising the installation of the relics of her husband, Gen. Logan, in the memorial hall prepared tot them in the state house at Springfield, 111. The collection consists in part of a large number of photographs taken during the civil war, photographs of Gen. Logan from boyhood up, bronzes and resolutions passed by organiza­ tions all over the United States at the time of his death, and resolutions on the death of his son, Maj. John A Logan, Jr., Thirty-third United States Volunteers, who was killed on Novem­ ber 11, 1899, while leading a charge against Aguinaldo's Intrenched army in the Philippines. Leads to "Open Sunday." French communication seems to be corrupting the British Sabbath. The Sunday society haa pleaded the in­ creasing number of visitors--'entente cordial lists"--from across the channel unaccustomed to such severe observ­ ance, as a reason for opening more galleries and museums on Sundays. The request has been granted with a special view probably to the French invasion which is expected during the Franco-British exhibition this summer. A distinguished French journalist ex­ presses a hope that other places be thrown open--restaurants, for tfr stance. There is something always fascinat­ ing about the mysterious, and Tor this reason the story of the secret under­ ground passageway* which honeycomb the palaces of the rulers of Europe proves interesting reading. These tunnels are not all of ancient con­ struction, but to-day they are still be­ ing built, as for instance the on© that is now being opened under the luxuri­ ous Villa Caroline at Ostend, connect­ ing that building with the royal chalet. The latter is the favorite resi­ dence of gay old King Leopold, now in his seventy-seventh year, while the Villa Caroline, it is hardly neces­ sary to add, is the Ostend home of Caroline La Croix. Baroness Vaughan, formerly a barmaid at the railroad res­ taurant at Dijon, but now, according to some, the morganatic wife of the rul­ er of Belgium, and according to others merely his favorite. Underground passages and tunnels play a very important role in the ex­ istence of modern royalty, and no greater mistake could be made th&n to imagine that they pertain to the past, to the days when no ruler was safe from plots to either kidnap or as­ sassinate him, and when it was a mat­ ter of vital necessity that he should possess not only secret means of es­ cape from his palace, but also of ac­ cess thereto, unseen. At Berlin the imperial box at the opera is connected by means of a sub­ terranean passage with the "Zeug- haus," or the quarters of the main guard, where at all times a strong military force is on duty. The em­ peror is thus able, if he so wishes it, to reach his box at the opera and to leave the building without being ob­ served by those loitering about the various entrances to the great met­ ropolitan temple of lyric drama. London rivals both Paris and Rome in the extent of its subterranean mazes, with the difference that they are largely of modern origin. Rome, like Paris, is honeycombed with subterranean passages which, ac­ cording to St. Jerome, were In exist­ ence already in the earliest period of the Christian era, but which were closed up and forgotten for hundreds passages varying from 300 to $00. Among those the area of which has been definitely ascertained are the Catacombs of St. Feliciano, extending under the whole of the Villa Malta. The Quirinal has its tunnels, and so, too, has the Vatican, by means of which its Inmates can enter and leave the historic residence of the pontiffs without attracting any attention what­ soever. While most of the royal and imperial palaces of Europe are endowed with vaults extending over a considerable area, and in many instances of ex­ tremely ancient construction, it is doubtful whether there is any one of them that can boast of such a vast acreage of cellarage as that which ROAD TO "HOLY CITY" OPENED Royal Palace at Stockholm Which Has Nearly a Thousand 8ubter> ranean Chambers. King Gustave Adoiphus occupies at Stockholm. The palace itself is only about 200 years old, no less than three of its predecessors occupying the same site having been destroyed by fire or razed to the ground. But the subter­ ranean portion of the palace remains unchanged and untouched since the day when it was originally built, as part and parcel of the so-called Berger Jarl castle, in the year 1251. There are nearly a thousand of these subterranean chambers, some of them of enormous size, and in several tiers, and it has been found so dangerous to venture far in this immense subter­ ranean labyrinth that chains and cords have been stretched along the walls to guide the attendants, while there are some vaults that have never yet been explored, at any rate during the last hundred yearB. Yet it is prob­ able that ere long they will be sub- Mohammedan Pilgrimages on Foot Soon a Thing of the P&st. :"v The new railroad from Damascus to Medina, "the Holy City," was opened with most impressive cere­ monies. Tie imperial mission sent from Constantinople for the occasion prayed at the prophet's tomb at dawn and then proceeded to the rail­ way statical just outside the town, where a dense crowd of Mussulmans from all quarters of the globe had as­ sembled. Field Marshal Itlazim Pasha, di­ rector of construction, expressed sat­ isfaction with the work, after which All DJevad Pasha conveyed the sul­ tan's official message of congratulation to all concerned and declared, the line open. A number of speeches were made, the most striking of which was that of the Egyptian, AH Kiamil, who rejoiced that the prophet had not per­ mitted the railroad to reach the holy city before the caliph had granted a constitution to his people. A salute of 21 guns concluded the ceremony. Djevad Pasha, who is head of thf, Imperial missfon, and Mukhtar Bey, the chief engineer of the line, made their way through the crowd, the lat­ ter readily complying with the popular request to take an oath that he wouldT do his utmost to secure the extension of the line to Mecca. In the course of the ceremonies a telegram from the Porte was read an­ nouncing that Kiazim Pasha had been appointed governor general of Hadjaz. He received a tremendous ovation and took a similar oath to that of Mukhtar Bey. The day concluded with a dis­ play of fireworks and illuminations and general rejoicing to celebrate the anniversary of the sultan's accession. Medina, or more fully Medinat al- Nabi, the City of the Prophet, also called Tayjibah, the perfumed, and al- Munawwarah, the illuminated, is one of the sacred cities of Islam. It was the scene of Mohammed's labors after his flight from Mecca, and his tomb is there. The town is 250 miles north of Mecca and is 140 miles north by east of Yambu on the Red sea. Out­ side of the Mussulman world it is considered very doubtful that Moham­ med's body lies in Medina. HUMAN ELEMENTS IN CARS. jected to a searching investigation, of years, until in the seventeenth cen- j For, according to popular belief the tury their existence was unexpectedly brought to light by excavations. There, too, they are uncharted, and no one knows their extent, the official figures of the mileage of these underground greater part of the enormous treasure amassed by the present king's great­ grandfather, Charles XIV., is concealed tn the wall of one of these vaulted chambers beneath the palace. QUEER WORKSHOPS ODD CORNERS WHERE UNCLE SAM'S WORKMEN LABOR. Working Homes of Department < Agriculture Employes Scattered Over Capital, Pending Com­ pletion of New Building. Scattered all over Washington I? the most unlikely places and the most unpretentious buildings are to b* found workshops where Uncle Sam's workers are busy in performing the varied activities of the agricultural de­ partment, pending the time when the splendid new building of the depart­ ment shall be completed and the work gathered all under one roof. The visitor to Washington soon ac­ quaints himself with the modern, up- to-date government buildings. He sees the capitol, the library, the state, war and navy buildings, the White House, the new congressional office have winding porches, sloping roofs and wild, uncared-for lawns. The introduction of the out-of-the- way office building has been the nat­ ural result of the greatest increase in the working force of the departments within the last quarter century. Where 25 years ago buildings erected were ample for the needs pf the clerks they are now crowded past ail endurance. All four corners of the city are rep­ resented in this array of out-of-the- way government buirdings. Away up to the northern boundary of the dis­ trict Is. the bureau of standards. Of course, this is one of the most modern of all the public departments, having been built only for about five years. i Engineer Tells of Fits of "Sulks" That | They Indulge In. j "There is hardly a locomotive en­ gineer in this or any other country j who does not acknowledge that his en- | gine possesses almost human charac­ teristics--qualities that it would seem to the uninitiated are almost super­ natural when associated with a com- i plicated mass of machinery," said an 1 old engineer. | "I was talking with a friend the | other day," he went on, "who is run­ ning an eletetric train on the B. R. T. between the bridge and Coney island, 1 and he told me some things about his i cars that, if I didn't know so much about engines, would make me laugh, I thoroughly believe him, though. "Each of the motor cars, as every one knows, is electrically equipped so that it can be run as the head or mo­ tive car of the train, and each of them scrapes up a portion of the electric juice from the third rail as it runs along. Now, each of these cars, my friend says, has its own distinct in­ dividuality, like horses, notwithstand­ ing that they are all exactly alike me­ chanically. Certain cars will not work together, but put another car In be­ tween the two that have a grudge against each other and everything will run smoothly. The trains have to be made up in the same way each day, that is, the cars have to be coupled in the sequence that it is found they run the best. If they are not, the car or cars that are out of place are likely LOVE'S YOUNG DREAM COOLED. Tims Of 8entiment Evidently Long * Past with Husband A certain well-known Boston!an has j been married long enough to have ac- quirad the average man's Cynical atti­ tude In respect of the written expres- •tona of devotion indulged to before - marriage. One day the Hubbite was going oyer with his wife a mass of useless papers I that had accumulated in the house­ hold. They unearthed several large boxes full of love letters. Aft» r a hasty glance at them, the husband said: "No use keeping this Junk, I sup­ pose? Here It goes." The wife was hurt. "Oh, Clarence," exclaimed she, "how can you be so brutal? Surely yeu don't want to de­ stroy your own love letters to me?" "Well, keep 'em, if you want 'em," cheerfully assented the husband, "but honestly, Helen,-these seem too soft to file! *'--Lipplncott's. ' -< ? ! am & r# N TROUBLE AHEAD. r He--I fear the worst. She--What's happened, George? He--Your father has paid back that $25 be borrowed. BABY*8 ITCHING HUMOR. Nothing Would Help Him--Mother Al­ most in Despair--Owes Quick Curs to Cutleura. "Several jnpnths ago, my little boy began to break out with itching sores. I doctored him, but as soon as I got them healed up in one place they would break out in another. I was almost in despair. I could not get anything that would help him. Then I began to use Cuticura Soap and Cutl­ eura Ointment, and after using them three times, the sores commenced to heal. He is now well, and not a scar Is left on his body. They have never returned nor left him with bad blood, as one would think. Cuticura Reme­ dies are the best I have ever tried, and I shall highly recommend them to any one who Is suffering likewise. Mrs. William Geedtng, 102 Washing­ ton St, Attica, Ind., July 22, 1907." Proof Is inexhaustible that Lydla E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound carries women safely through the Change of Life. Read the letter Mrs. E. Hanson, 304 E. Long St., Columbus, Ohio, "writes to Mrs. Pinkbam: " I was passing through the Change of Life, and suffered from nervous* ness, headaches, and other annoying symptoms. My doctor told me that Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com­ pound was good for me, and since tak­ ing1 it I feel so much better, and I can again do my own work. I never forget to tell my friends what Lydia E. Pink­ ham's Ycpet-aMe Compound did forms during this period." FACTS FOR SICK WOMEN. .For thirty years Lydia E. Pink­ ham's Vecretable Compound, made from ro®ts and herbs, has been the standard remedy for femaio ills, and has positively cured thousands of •women who h.we been troubled with displacements, inflammation, ulcera­ tion, fibroid tumors, irregularities, periodic pains, backache, that bear­ ing-down feeling, flatulency, indiges­ tion, dizziness or nervous prostration. Why don't you try it f Mrs. Pinkham invites all stale women to write her for advice* She has guided thousands to health. Address, Ljnn, Mass, $5 Hotf Trough for $2.25 H E R E T 8 T H I u4 •o«t der%bl« b«f So Stron®, No Benl Nor Maa can Break or Iojnra. Uli tkKk Bnltor S2.2S cmIi ir (nm tar M.SS- m*4 »»» fat the frrtfkt. I ft. Ion* * IJln, wl<1« >: 7 In. d««p. weight 44 fkes cirwlsr sxi fsllj dsscribfog nun nmi cs. lac.) sm fam stmt. Gas rii- toe-! to 1m| • iifecim*.. MAKING CEMENT TILE With our machine pays profits. Write for full infor^ L mation. % ;"• THE GEMENT T3LE MACHINERY CO. J.S. Bldg., WATERLOO, IOWA. Fujiyama Modernized. The beautiful mountain peak of Fu­ jiyama, which is regarded by the Jap­ anese as little short of sacred, is to be modernised by electricity. For the benefit of tourists the mountain top and the trail to it will be illuminated by electric lights. Hotels and refresh­ ments houses will be erected on the mountain slops, as well as telephone and telegraph stations. Savings Investments ^ SAFER THAN A SAVINGS RANK AND PAYING BETTER INTEREST S«T*n per cent, city improvement payable one to ten years. A gilt investment Write at once. T. H. PHILLIPS & COMPANY * 203 Equitable Bldrf.. Tbcobm. Nevertheless It Is a great distance away from the usual business center | to 'buck,' just like a balky horse that of the city, and causes the employes has been accustomed to a certain team of the bureau to set their alarm clocks for an earlier hour every morning than their more fortunate brethren who work in more accessible parts of the town. building, the new post office, etc., bu*l Perhaps the most interesting of all he Is not aware of the fact that ii j of Uncle Sam's peculiar and oot-of-the- I Plain the almost human qualities of his peregrinations he probably passen j way edifices is the depot quarter- engines and of electric cars," half a dozen government buildings, t master's office, located at the corner mate and won't work with a strange one. Overhaul the 'bucking' car, and you'll find that it is all right mechanic­ ally. It Is simply a question of in­ dividual sulklness or something of that sort. No amount of analysis will ex- Trains of Peculiar Construction. Very few trains are roofed with wa­ ter, and that of the viceroy of India niflcent War, State and Navy building, i BQ A1, the vehicles, eight in number, this little colonial home looks strange- j have doubie ceilings, which are really ly out of place. It is here that all ! wajer tanks, holding about five tons of the supplies for the troops In this j of water. This arrangement eontrib- section of the country are sent out for j uteB toward coolness and furnishes real government buildings in spite of j r«f Seventeenth and P _ streets north- their unprepossessing appearanec,: west. ^ that transact work that is perhaps as j standing in the shadow of the mag- ( i8"among"the small number that are Important as that done amid the J XT marble, mosaic and statuary of a huge stone edifice. The department of agriculture Is probably possesaed of the most un­ kempt working houses for its em­ ployes. All sorts and kinds and con­ ditions of buildings have been forced into service during the erection of the new departmental building. The work is constantly growing and grotesque specimens of architecture are being added almost daily. Some of them are wonders, too, from a point of construction. They look, some of them, as though; the gentlemen who had attempted their erection had either a genius for Chi­ nese puzzles or were the blessed pos­ sessors of an inordinate sense of the humorous. Some of them are so low that the second-story windows are within six Inches of the roof. Others Tbem k mora Catarrh tn thus wetkM o10» eooatrp than all other diseases put together, ainl until the lost, tew years was huph<»«1 to be Incurable. For a jrcal many years doctors pronounced It a local ii ami prescribed local remedies, and by constantly Jailing to cure with local treatment, pronounced it Incurable. Science has proven Catarrh to be a constitutional dis­ ease, and therefore requires constitutional treatment. Hall's Catarrh Cure, manufactured by F J. Cheney A Co.. Toledo, Ohio, la the only Constitutional cure on the market. It is taken Internally In donwi from 10 drops to a teaspoon ful. It acta directly on the blood and mucous surfaces of the system. They offer one hundred dollars for any case It falls to cure. Send tor circulars and testimonial*. Address: F. J. CHENEY A CO.. Toled6, Ohio. Sold by Drurel8ts. 75c, Take liall's Family Pills tor constipation. Nature Conquers Man. Man can get along without his cities and his clothes arid his complicated I tools and treasures; but all his ! vaunted wisdom and skill are set ut­ terly at naught by the simple failure of the clouds to drop rain. The only actual necessities of life are those be-i stowals of nature which were necessi­ ties to aboriginal man.--Philadelphia Bulletin. > California Irrigated Lands in famous Turlock district. Level, rich loam soil. Ditch to each forty acres. Easy terms; $x.oo acre down, balance %i.oo acre per month. Crops pay for land in one year. R1CKEN3ACHER & ROBOSSOK, Turiock.QA < | ' • ' * i 'V r^»=I' A * Make Your Savings Work Only in this way can you get ahead. Don't he satisfied with Money in the Wert is worth more than in the East. Ws pay 5% on time deposits placed with * Write us to-day. First NaHonal Bank of Billings, Billings, I Capital $150,00a Surplus 00a. PARKER'S HAiR BALSAM th« h Pfomotti.* a loxuriaut growth. Never to fieftore GhnQT Eur to ttm Youthful Cofcor« Cures sci.fi disease* A hair Ate, atid CALIFORNIA LANDS No t'riip Failures on Irrtfateii Lands* Best (l.'i'iduuasfruits. veKctabU-s and ^lairyipy toe*' tlon; s'.patuundeiectrict ran«punation; etw?ap 1 men­ tion. Kiisv terms; write tor fr«*o printed matter. Irrlgattd Lud to., CM-i Cracker Bidf., S*a 1'rutbn, Cat. a large Hst of fine low* farms from <0 to 10™ distribution. A large force of clerks, perhaps 50, labor in the depot quar­ termaster's office from nine in the morning until 4:30 in the afternoon, transacting a large amount of vitally important business. water for domestic purposes on the train. The train carries 60 personal servants when the viceroy uses it. On the long-distance lines in Rus­ sia each of the important trains has a car above which rises a little belfry Another government building which containing a chime of bells. Other- is not at all inviting is "Doc" Wiley's ! wise the latter vehicles are fitted as hotel. j chapels in charge of a regular priest Most of us know that the doc is the ' of the North Orthodox faith. A't Hal- prosperous proprietor of a pessimist's I latrow, on the North Somerset rail- hotel, commonly known as the dining- 1 road, there is an old railway carriage room of the poison squad. This hotel which has been licensed as a mission is located on Fourteenth stre?t south- chapel and is fitted accordinglyTid- west and after taking a single look at Bits. it the average person longs to continue to pay his little eight a week rather than go there and dine free. HOW TO MAKE CRIMINALS. The making of criminals is a very important American industry. Pro­ ceed as follows: Find out something that a large number of the people desire to do and then make a law against it. The law should be sufficiently elastic to ad­ mit of exceptions when the public good or the offender's purse seema to demand it. After the law Is made hire a few good policemen to He in wait for of­ fenders. It is necessary to catch a criminal before you can make him. Many a man has remained good all his Hfe by not being caught. After you get hold of one he will probably tell you that he did not know the law. If he doea, tell him that Ignor­ ance of the law excuses no one. If he insists, tell him that even the law­ yers don't know the law, as, other­ wise, there would not be so many of them. If he Insists further, orack him over the head and tell him to shut up. If tha man has no money at all crack him in the head in the first ulao*. Luxury on the Line. Luxury in railroad travel will surely reach its climax when the new Pi»ll- man train de luxe appears on the Lon- Next, publish his name in all the j don-to-Brlghton line next November. newspapers. This is for two reasons: First, to make him more of a criminal, and second, to show that the police department is doing its duty. Next, chuck him into as unpleas­ ant a place as can be devised. At night surround him with a choice col­ lection of vermin. For this purpose .an entomologist should be consulted. In the daytime make him work like a dog, but do not give him anything for it. Give it to some one else. Per­ haps the best way to dispose of the surplus product Is by the contract system, although there are other forms of graft nearly as good. After a few years of this he is prob­ ably a full-fledged criminal. In order to test your work turn him loose with­ out any money or any friends. If he comes back in a short time, you have succeeded. If not, you have failed; but It usually works.--Ellis O. Jones in Life. Tha Hunt. Ursus Major--What's the matter? Ursus Minor--I see a shooting star coming.--New York Sua Even our Yankee friends will open their eyes in wonder when they board this sumptuous express that is said to be costing £40,000. It will consist of four drawing-room cars, two composite smoking cars, and a buffet fitted in r. style hitherto unapproached in rail­ way enterprise, and far eclipsing the famous "Pullman Limited" that runs down to Brighton on Sundays. The train promises to be the finest train In the world.--London Tit-Bits. Fifty Years with One Railroad. Joseph Boynton, a locomotive en­ gineer for the Chicago & Alton rail­ road, has just passed his sixty-fourtt birthday and celebrated with it his fiftieth year of service with the rail road. In 1858 he began as a messen­ ger boy at the Chicago station and In 1864 was made engineer. He has never had an accident of any sort and never has been reprimanded. He is in the prime of health and bids fair to spend many more years at his em­ ployment. It is said he is the oldest nian In the employ of the Alton rail- wad, both in a«e and in y»ars of serv­ ice. Important to Mothers. Examine carefully every bottle Of CASTORIA a safe and sure remedy for Infants and children, and see that it In Use For Over Years. The Kind You Have Always Bought. Six months after marriage a man discovers that he has to get twice as angry In order to induce his wife to notice his wrath. Lewis' Single Binder straight 5c cigar is quality all the time. Your dealer or We Have arret,, ranging In prtaa from H0 to $'.00 per acre. Write us kind of tmrm and locution you want. We can furuisk tU Cora Belt Land * Loa» Coawany. DM Moiiw*, la, UfftMTCn LADIK3 TO MAKE APRONS; U WHH I E>U dozen. No oost work. Muiortal* s.-m prvpatd. Km iost? manned, addressed cmc-iona. l!,iitw Ajvron Company, l.us Angeles. California. and Waltham Watches--High-giada •J Jewelry, direct from factory to yon. Oiir sysuaa siyee middl*>ni^Ti's profits. Beautifully iilnatratea catalog No. 14. five. S M.Stknra, Alter 11., Uij, cood i Lewis' Factory, PcOna, 111. There Isn't much meat on the bone of contention. PATENTS Wntaoa E. fngton. I).C. Booksfrw*. High reteranoaa. Batt nauMb c n e i c a n m a k e m o n e y f o r y o n . Hare ri more'/ Get particulars. Fine bi­ ll. J. German, 106 Bank Bldg.. Allentown, Pa. BARGAIN! Twelve different artistic post carta lUe. yend trial order. Sure U> be uksu»d. Zoom Novelty Company, 506 W 1C1 fetreet Now Tork ulf. 117 a. 1 LI Good pay. Write Bed Cram Want a Job? Chemliu Specially Co-, Cttcac*. It afflicted with ) ThaHlfU |m Waft||> •or© eyes, uae \ » uvin|rf«n m ajv A N. K.--A (1908--44) 2254. mrs. Washington t get a pair Get your size in a pair of dainty White House Shoes. Slip your feet in. YouU find the shoes snug -- pliable -- smooth -- graceful. They are built over foot-form lasts. That's why they fit If you want pretty, snug, easy-fitting House Shoes. WHITE HOUSE SHOES. fOR ME!f, $3.50, 4.00, S.OOand 6.00. FOR WOMEN, $3.30, Baster Brown Blue Ribbon Show for youngster* Ask jw Mv for thea. THE BROWN SHOE CO., Makers. ST. LOUIS. PROTECT YOUR LUNGS H every ceugH v >u catch aettlet on your lua^s, jrou have weak lungs. Don't let the cough Hang on. A " hang-on * ccugh is dangerous to itrong lungt--doubly *0 to Heak owes. Get rid of it ia the beginam ̂ with Pi»o'* Cure. It acts promptly and effectively; allay* the ir:tt*uoo. reduce* the coogeitioa. frees the throat of phlegm, clean the dogged ur fiawgn and (top* the cough. For Dearly half a ccttfury the aamrp&saod tmmmaf for th« want forms of coughs* coidb and chert mnniUif bewa PESO'S CUKE .ji •fi • 'fe:; •V jf .*• .. . ... -L .L* .. aA' fcft .all M