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v.-' Yi ••M hW^.-.,;';"^ ' " ' " ** ' ^ ' ° T; '* ' '!"J . ...„JU-,,..,Li> ... 4 V 4 ' «'.* The Skeleton in Ihe Uosd T R U E S T O R Y O F T H r f S E C R E T S E R V I C E B y r • r I C • r O L C h I • t H u C 9 . W H I T L E Y S e c r e t S e r v i c e e?K «*• •««* » (HAD MET the judge fre­ quently and felt quite well acquainted with him. He was a politi­ cian of note iiii>i * num­ ber of the president's cabinet Because of his prominence and his one­ time important connee tion with the govern­ ment, I shall forbear the mention of his name. It would be fa­ miliar to every reader. One day I received a message from iiim requesting me to call at his office at my earliest convenience. Present­ ing myself I was given a private in­ terview. After r little preliminary •conversation the judge said that he wanted to talk to me In regard ta a personal matter. He needed my assist­ ance in an affair of much concern to himself and wife. He then related at some length the history of his family troubles. There was a skeleton in his closet. He had sent for me believing that I might be able to devise some measure of relief. "My wife," he said, "is very mucn worried and quite prostrated with ®rief. She is in such a nervous state of mind I fear she will break down Altogether." His eyes filled with tears as he explained the cause of their great trouble. "She was a widow with «n only son when I married her. This son, notwithstanding his moral train­ ing and tender care, has turned out to be an unmitigated villain and a con­ stant menace to our peace of mind. He seems to be heartless and devoid •of deoency and respect for our posi­ tion. Besides, he is a thief. Only a short time ago he was arrested in Chi- ftiVow Baltimore snd chsrpsd with committing a robbery in a house cf ill repute. I was compelled to set­ tle the case or suffer the disgrace of an exposure. Wine and women are his bobbies. He is reckless in the use of money and will resort to any means to obtain it Even now I am furnish­ ing the money wherewith to gratify bis vicious appetite. God knows what he will do next! We are living in con­ stant fear that he will do something to publicly disgrace us. Now, if there is any way that he can be got out of the country without publicity, if you can devise any plan to get rid of him 'Without killing him or sending him to the penitentiary, it will meet with my approval. I think it is a case where •severe measures would be entirely Justifiable. Just think of it! T|^ •^• pegrace has gone so far in his de­ pravity as to escort a woman of known bad character to his mother's recep­ tions." My sympathies once aroused and a promise made, I felt bound to take some action. It appeared a difficult undertaking. The fellow was to be got rid of, but Just how was the question that puzzled my brain. I had read of many strange disappearances of persons who were never afterwards heard of, but the manner of their dis­ appearance was not always clear. It may have been a voluntary act, mental aberration or the result of a crime. I •prided myself upon my skill in de­ vising ways and means to accomplish an end, but the case in hand, after some deliberation, appeared somewhat like perpetrating a wrong deed for the purpose of accomplishing a good result. If the story told by the judge was true, there would be but little difficul­ ty in landing the rascal in the peni­ tentiary for the crimes he was com­ mitting almost daily; but a measure •of this kind would mean exposure and disgrace. To put him away by foul means was out of the question. He may have deserved a sharp medicine, *nd the world may have been better off without him, but there was no thought of doing him bodily harm. The idea was to dispose of him and slide him out of the country tenderly. The judge wanted to get rid of him, but could suggest no way. It was a -delicate case to handle. I knew that the judge was a conscientious and hu mane man and that he meant no -wrong, and it was difficult for me to understand the course I could safely pursue. Ab I turned to leave the judge's office his wife entered the room. I was introduced, and cast my eyes upon her face. It did not appear quite new to me. Could I be mistaken? Had I met her before? As the possible rec­ ognition did not appear mutual I was finable to place her. The judge turned away to converse "With his disbursing clerk. The wife, who had evidently been informed in regard to the purpose of my interview -with the judge, requested me to be seated. Placing her hand upon my arm she smiled pleasantly, while as­ suring me of her faith in my ability to <lo something to help them out of the <16ep trouble they were in. She spoke bitterly of her son and of the many in­ dignities he had heaped upon her. She wanted to be freed from him. The manner in which he was to be disposed of did not seem to give her much concern. She wished him ban­ ished in some far-away country; if he "were dead, she would feel relieved. While relating her troubles she chanced to mention the name of her first husband. On the instant I recog­ nized her as an old acquaintance, i had known her when she was a rosy- cheeked young woman some twenty- Sve years before. She was then living with her husband in a little town in inn , . ^ iJiu, i uia n oo o she became the wife of the judge. Her first marriage was said to be a runa­ way match. She was a remarkably beautiful woman then, but there was a cloud hanging over her life. I can­ not 6ay what it might have been that caused gossiping women to shake their heads and whisper as she passed by. Shortly after she gave birth to a son she left the village. I do not know just where she ^'ent, but it was short­ ly afterwards rumored that she had been granted h divorce. She was now cutting a large figure in society and often spoken of as the handsomest woman In the capitol city. Her husband, the judge, was up to this time quite successful in political life. Possessed of considerable brain force and much amiability of charac­ ter, he might have risen still higher had not the intrigues set on foot by his ambitious wife contributed to puu him down. She planned schemes to exalt him and to acquire wealth. In making these efforts she aroused the jealousies of others and made the judge quite unpopular with the leading politicians. Her misdirected zeal not only crushed the political prospects of her husband, but finally resulted in ex­ pelling her from Washington society. I was furnished a photograph of her profligate stepson. He was a fine- looking young man, with wavy hair, keen blue eyes and rosy cheeks; In fact, much like his mother in her make big hauls." The judge's stepson took to a suggestion of this kind like a duck to water and was highly elated on account of the riroposed trip, lie no doubt imagined a broader field for the exercise of his own peculiar talent. On their arrival at New York they registered under assumed names at the Merchants' hotel on Courtiand street. For several days following they strolled about the city, taking in the sights and waiting for something to turn up. While walking along Broad­ way, near the old Astor hotel, they chanced to pass a middle-aged man who was gazing about in an uncertain sort of way. His dress and manner gave him the appearance of a green one from the rural districts, pre sumably from some place out west. "Here," said Reed in an undertone, "is the very fellow we are looking for. Let us try a hand on him. I will make him think I have met him before." Reed now stepped up and accosted the green one with an air of assumed fa­ miliarity. Seizing him by the hand he said: "How do you do, Mr. Glick? I am so glad to see you." The verdant man responded: "You are mistaken, sir; my name is Jones, and I live at Fort Wayne, Indiana." "Never mind the name," said Reed, "I got the names mixed, but I remember now where I met you. You used to run a livery stable at Kokomo." "Yes, I did." "Then of course you remember me. I am the man that sold pumps and kept my team at your stable. You /f/5 M/r/r Stffy}/star wvnv S& My MW Of-'/XT to/jM/vrji wnrmmnm m mm j vS \ L'Hfi h :-r£mwro w W® " t.i /X ' «* msTfPw km /nmrX MmrzM v/rz/ff/jfiy A5 cJOtffd 6l/PPf£ ffiQff m cm/? ro r//£/zm> 77/f fwr MM WA5 A BUL Off,ft TJft/fi/mttr youth. His face was indicative of criminal tendencies. I was told that he was a difficult man to approach, that he did not care for the compan­ ionship of men. This being the case I was at a loss to determine how to reach him. It was necessary to intro­ duce a stranger in order to carry out the plot I had in view. After pondering over the matter for some days I hit upon an expedient that I believed would dispose of the young man without public exposure or resorting to crime. There was in my employ at this time a man whom I shall call Reed. If ever there was a born confidence man he was the one; an actor that could assume a part, live it and play it through with a face as solemn as the graveyard; never vi­ cious, but ever apparently in earnest while practicing a deception for mis­ leading only those who ought to be misled. 1 had found him on all occa­ sions to be a valuable assistant in furthering the ends of Justice. Reed hailed from the south, had Just arrived in the city and was in quest of a private lodging place. The judge's stepson was now occupying an elegant suite of rooms in a fashionable location. He was so ompletely capti­ vated by Reed's assumed manners and apparent wealth that he was delighted at the opportunity afforded to secure a roommate. The detective accepted the offer made by his new friend ana soon found himself in quite a novel and dangerous situation. He was the companion of a thief whose exploits were liable to involve both in trouble. He had led his roommate to believe that he was himself engaged in ques­ tionable transactions and that New York was the place to operate in. "There," said he, "are chances to and I have taken many drinks to­ gether." "Oh, yes," drawled Mr. Jones; "what on earth are you doing in New York?" "Just looking around and having a good time. Let's go and take some­ thing." "Come along, Jones. Let us go around to our hotel," said Reed. The trio went to the Merchants. Jones ac­ cepted an invitation to go to the room of his friends. "What is your favorite drink?" asked Reed. "Plain brandy," said Jones. "I will go down and bring up a bot­ tle." As Reed moved away he winked slyly to the judge's stepson. After an absence of some thirty minutes or more Reed returned with the brandy. He pulled the cork. While Jones was looking out of the window he slipped a small vial out of his pocket and, giv­ ing his partner an opportunity to see it, he turned the contents into the bottle of brandy. He gave the bottle a shake and set it down on the table. The Judge's stepson's face flushed and there was a tremor in his voice. He seemed to comprehend the noxious power of the venomous ingredient that had been poured into the bottle. Reed appeared self-possessed and proficient in the art of deceiving and bold and bad enough to commit any crime, while the young man was evidently greatly frightened--not because of any compunctions of conscience, but for the reason that he was, as was after­ wards shown, a natural born coward. He possessed none of the elements and rugged force of an assassin. He seemed to have a nervous apprehen­ sion that he was wading in water too deep and dangerous. He was heart- but nerve to perform. Step by step Jones The stepson strove to rally him to his senses. Jones closed his eyes. What might have been a phantom o* over­ heated imagination now became a fearful reality. The stepson was now almost paralyzed with fear as Jon«4 slipped from his chair to the floor. Was he dead or alive? He uttered a low and suppressed moan as his lank and livid body was laid upon the bed and stripped of all its valuables. The siepsou, iliOi OUghiy ill eaiucei, nnuicu to take Jones' overcoat, but Reed said it would be dangerous, as it might lead to detection. I now leave the horrors of this Occa­ sion to ilie imagination of the reader. The two survivors suddenly left the hotel and crossed over to Jersey City and took lodging at Taylor's hotel, where they registered under assumed names, as they had done previously at the Merchants'. It was late in the evening when they went to bed. They had left the Merchants' hotel late in the afternoon. Jones, the sup posed drugged countryman, was not quite as dead as the judge's Btepson thought him to be. He. too, was a skilled pretender. Soon aiter his entertainers had ta­ ken their departure he, possum-like, came to life, got up and took a drink from the brandy bottle that was left upon the table, and made his way at once to the government secret service office, where he told the story of his adventure and received further in­ structions. This so-called Jones was a detective of marked ability. He could assume almost any character and de­ ceive the best educated criminal, yet withal an honest, faithful servant to the government. At an early hour on the following morning at Taylor's hotel Reed pre­ tended to be taken suddenly sick with a cramp in his stomach. He left his roommate and went below. A short time afterwards he rushed back into the bedroom and Informed the judge's stepson with a trembling voice that they must get out of the place in a hurry or they would be arrested. Reed said that while downstairs he had torn a slip from a newspaper. He handed it to the judge's stepson, who, on glancing at it hastily, at once sprang out of bed. It was a sensational article and bore the appearance of having been clipped from a newspaper. As a matter of fact, however, it had been printed at the New York Tribune job office. It was a nice piece of deception and read as follows: A Brutal Murder and Robbery. Another of those outrageous and dastardly murders which have so recently startled the community occurred in this city yesterday af­ ternoon, the particulars of which are as follows: It appears that shortly after dark last evening a well dressed man, apparently thirty-five years of age, was found by the police lying near the foot of Courtiand street In an Insensi­ ble condition. He was taken to the police station, where restoratives were administered, and when he had revived sufficiently he stated that his name was P. R. Jones and that he was from Fort Wayne, Ind. Mr. Jones was removed to the city hospital last evening, where he be­ came delirious and died about nine o'clock. The police are on the track of the murderers, who are supposed to be from Baltimore or Washington, as the clerk at the hotel states that they came in just after the arrival of the Washing­ ton train. The clerk Is positive he can identify them. A frightful ghost had risen and was standing in its most horrible form be­ fore the now half-crazed stepson. The rope of the hangman was looming up before his eyes. He did not even take time to wash his face, so great was his anxiety to leave New York be­ hind him. Even the very air he breathed seemed tainted with the foul odor of his crime. It was thought to be dangerous to travel by rail at first, and they started away on foot, and finally concluded to make their way to New Orleans. Reed was, of course, the ruling spirit and was carrying out the plan they had agreed upon. They doubled back and forth with the object of put­ ting imaginary pursuers off the track. Reed was seeking delay for the pur­ pose of gaining time. When the pair arrived at New Orleans about the first thing that met their eyes was a hand- "bill posted in the depot describing the fugitives and offering a reward for their arrest and conviction. Staring at the bill with beads of perspiration starting upon his brow the Judge's stepson nearly collapsed. He was careworn, downhearted and ready to speed away as swift as steam could carry him. In the course of time the fugitives arrived at Brownsville, Tex. From this point I received a note from Reed saying that they intended to cross the Rio Grande and work their way to the City of Mexico. To the minds of the detectives who played their part in this case the whole affair appeared a farce. After a time Reed returned from Mexico. He had given his companion the slip and was quite positive in his opinion that the judge's stepson would never dare show his face In the Uni­ ted States. He declared the man was about the greatest coward he had ever met with. Reed was correct In his opinion, as the fugitive, so far as I know, has never been heard of. He certainly did not appear in Washington to further annoy the Judge and his wife. He may still be running from a Nemesis that will never overtake him. (Copyright, U10, by W. Q. Chapman.) NEW BUiLDINOS ON FAIR W'NDS NEW STATE BOARD OF AGRICUL­ TURE ORGANIZES IN JANUARY. PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR / Uncle Sam as a Receiver ""Uncle Sam is one of the finest little receivers that you would care to have tn charge of your business if a receiver t>ecame necessary," remarked William R. Estey, of San Juan; f^rto Rico, to a business acquaintance at the Shore- h&m. The United States government proved this by its administration of the customs of the republic of Santo Domingo. "I have heard Englishmen who are 4* business in Jamaica speak In most complimentary terms of the improve­ ment In the financial affairs of Santo Domingo, which has been brought about by the benevolent interference of this government. These men told me that their private business transac­ tions with, merchants in Santo Domin­ go have been much more satisfactory since the United States'took a hand. This government, you remember, came to the rescue of Santo Domingo in 1905. The creditors of the republto were pressing for payment A treaty between the United States and Santo Domingo turned over the customs re­ ceipts to the United States. Of the total amount collected, 45 per cent was to go to the Dominican govern­ ment and 55 per cent, to the creditors The government at that time owed 920,000.000. "In the five years that Uncle Sam has been taking in and paying out the money this big debt has been cut down by at least 17.000,000. And the govern­ ment of Santo Domingo is receiving more money now on half rations than It did when its own officials collected the entire amount"--Washington Post. Writing to the London Morning Post, a woman correspondent, advo­ cating the withdrawal of all horss- drawn cabs in London as a measure of humanity, puts in a plea for the horses of Paris "Nearly every ^ab horse here," she says, "is half starv­ ed, lame, has sores and is cruelly beaten and ill treated. It is quite dl» tronsinE to see them." New Quarters to Be Provided for She#n. ®\v!r»w, „na an Entirely New System of Sewerage !s to Be installed. Springfield.--When the new state board of agriculture organizes in Jan­ uary, it will be confronted with the problem of securing a sufficient appro­ priation from the legislature to carry out its projected improvements which Include some important changes in the present arrangement of the buildings. Secretary Dickirson, in speaking about the needed improvements, said of course, nothing could be told defi­ nitely until the board had passed upon the matter and the appropriation had been obtained, but he said that what the board need? is not more ground for the fair, but' a better and more compact arrangement of the buildings devoted to the different departments of the exhibit. One thing that is espe­ cially needed is a new sheep and swine building, and it is suggested that this be placed In the southwest corner of the grounds, where It can be connect­ ed with the poultry building with a viaduct, the present site of the sheep and swine buildings being utilized for three new barns that are to be erect­ ed In a convenient place near the race track. With several viaducts spanning "Happy Hollow" and the low ground properly terraced up to the hills on either aide, much additional space can be utilized and the landscape effects much enhanced. Another much needed improvement that will be made during the coming year if the funds can be procured will be the introduction of an entirely new system of sewerage throughout the fair grounds. It has been found that the present sewers are entirely Inade­ quate to take care of the drainage during the time the state fair is in session and the result is a constant lowering of the sanitary conditions of the ground. The effort is to be made not only to rearrange the different departments with a view to convenient grouping, but also to improve the general ap­ pearance of the fair grounds by an artistic treatment of the landscape. Women Officials In Five Counties. The number of women county super­ intendents of schools In Illinois was reduced by nearly half at the election, according to reports received -at the office of State Superintendent F. G. Blair. The returns show five women holding office as superintendents now against nine before the election. It is stated all but one of the former wom­ en superintendents were candidates for re-nomination in the primaries, on either the Democratic or Republican ticket. Of the 102 counties of the state, 38 have new county superintendents as a result of the late election. The number of changes is smaller than that of two years ago, when more than forty new superintendents were elect­ ed to office. That the entire regime of new super­ intendents will be in hearty sympathy with the state department's work along the line of promulgating the rural standard school idea is believed by Superintendent Blair and his as­ sistant, U. J. Hoffman, who has had especial charge of the country work. Mr. Hoffman has found the co-opera­ tion of county superintendents invalu­ able to him as he visits schools for the purpose of making their equipment reach the requirements of the standard school. Few Attend Meeting. At the morning session of the Cen­ tral Illinois Horticultual society there was an attendance of about thirty, mostly officers of the society and in­ structors from the University of Illi­ nois, with a few especially interested in fruit growing from different parts of the state. The small attendance locally makes it probable that a small­ er city will hereafter be the meeting place of the society. President--A. M. Augustine, Nor­ mal. First Vice-president--A. V. Scher- merhorn, Ridgcfarm. Secretary--J. B. Burrows, Decatur. Treasurer--C G. Winn, Griggsville, Urges Lessons in Sanitation. That pupils be taught the prfnet- ples of sanitation was the plea made by C. H. Ball, chief sanitary inspector of the city of Chicago, before the school science section of the Univer­ sity of Illinois high school conference. Resolutions declaring that Illinois can spend $300,000 on a> school for teachers' education were adppted. Bee Keepers Seek New Law. The Illinois State Bee Keepers' as­ sociation will renew its fight at the next general assembly for a law pro­ viding a state foul brood inspector. The decision was reached when the members of the association opened a two-days' meeting at the state bouse. A number of attempts have been made to get the foul brook Inspector law through the association, but each at­ tempt has fallen down at some point The membership fee to the state association was lowered from $1 to 60 cents. State Suffragists Ignore Insurgents. Conservation won out in the conven­ tion of the Illinois Suffrage associa­ tion when the ^'regulars" refused to adopt the new born suffrage partly, ap­ parently organized by so-called insur­ gent suffragettes. Diplomacy of the jflnest kind decided the issue which the "psychological wave" responsible ifor the new suffrage party had inject- <ed into the convention. Resolutions 'recommending the discontinuance of idues, which had been planned for (some time, and welcoming every or­ ganization. The large number of for premium lists of the Illinois state poultry show, to be held at the state arsenal commencing Monday* Jan. 2, 1911, at this early date indi­ cates that the show will be a groat success. A prominent feature of .the show this year will be the dressed poultry and egg exhibit. Liberal prizes have been offered and a number of specials will be awarded to exhibitors in these classes. The poultry institute should be one of the interesting as well as instruct­ ive features of the show. Sessions of the institute win he'u "'cdiiesday afternoon and night, Thursday after­ noon and night and Friday afternoon. A large part of the program will be given over to the Judges of the show, who will explain the good and bad points of the winners of the different classes. Every young breeder of fancy poultry in the state should be sure to attend these sessions. The state association has employed six of the ablest poultry judges in the country to pass on all classes of poul­ try. The judges so selected are D. T. Heimlich, Jacksonville, 111.; Theodore Ilewes, Indianapolis , Ind.; W. C. Pierce, Indianapolis, Ind.; A. F. Kuxn mer, Butler, Pa.; Charles V. Keeier, Winnamac, Ind.; and J. A. Johnston, Petersburg, 111. Robert Joos of Peoria will judge the pigeons and Frank C. Hare, editor of the Standard, Quincy, will Judge the eggs and dressed poul­ try. If the poultrymen of this state would give their state association, the same hearty support that the dairymen of the state give to their association they would be able to accomplish' much more good for their industry. A liberal nutaber of entries from the breeders of the state as well ,as a good attendance at the state show will go far to con­ vince the legislature that the poultry industry should receive support from the state. Home Mission Convention. The Home missionary conven­ tion of the Illinois conference will be held in this city Tuesday and Wednesday, December 6 and 7, at the First Methodist church. It -is possible that s thousand delegates will be in the city to attend the convention. A number of noted speakers and work­ ers in missionary lines are scheduled to attend the convention. Among those of note that will be present are: Rev. Dr. B. S. Haywood, superin­ tendent of missions at Porto Rico; Rev. Suenoskin Kawashima of Oak­ land, Cal., and Rev. I. L. Thomas, D. D., of Baltimore, Md. The program for the convention is as follows: First Session--2 P. M. Devotional, Rev. Bishop Cranston, LL. D., Washington, D. C. Opening words, Rev. Henry J. Co- ker, D. D. "The Home Missionary in Nation Making," Rev. Claudius B. Spencer, D. D., editor Central Christian Advocate. The Challenge. "The Cry of the Great City," Rev. C. B. Mitchell, D. D., pastor St. James church, Chicago. "The Frontier, East, South and West," Rev. Ward Piatt, secretary. Second 8ession--7:30 P. M. (The Challenge Continued.) "Ou^ Insular Possessions " Rev. Dr. Benjamin S. Haywood, superintendent of missions in Porto Rico. A fit rep­ resentative of that work; a fine teach­ er and speaker. Third 8ession-- 9 A. M. (The Challenge Continued.) "The Black Man in the Nation," Rev. I. L. Thomas, D. D., Baltimore, Md. Field secretary. A colored ora­ tor of peculiar fitness to discuss this pertinent question. "The Jew, His Future," Rev. Louis M. Potts, son of a Jewish rabbi. Fourth Session--2 P. M. How Are We Meeting This Mighty Challenge ? "Among the Jews," Rev. Louis M. Potts, A. M. "Among the Black Men," Rev. Isaac L. Thomas, D. D. Fifth Session--7:30 P. M. "The Responsibility Upon the Board of Home Missions," Rev. Ward Piatt, D. D. "The Conservation of American In­ stitutions," Bishop William A. Quayle. Reduction in State Taxes. State taxes next year will be consid­ erably less than they were this year. A reduction of five cents tax on the hundred dollars of assessed valuation of property from the figures of last year, or 16 per cent., was made by the state tax commission, consisting of Governor Deneen, Auditor McCullough and State Treasurer Russell, when the commission met and fixed the state rate for next year at 30 cents on the $100 of assessed valuation. The rate last year was 35 cents. New Corporations. The secretary of state has licensed the following corporations to do busi­ ness in Chicago: Fidelity Bank Note company; cap­ ital stock, $7,000; printing, binding, en­ graving, lithographing; incorporators, Henry T. Kober, William Moffett and J. O. McKiernan. Northwestern Film and Supply com­ pany; capital stock, $2,500; motion pic­ ture machines and accessories; incor­ porators, George Apel, W. W. Mackey. May Provision company; capital stock. $5,000; provisions; incorpora­ tors, Jacob Miller, A. C. Hoffman and Solomon Ma,y. Not for profit: Home Social Pleasure club, social and educational; Incorporators, M. Smith, William Hehr and L. C. Cartel. Soclete Operaia di Mutuo Soc Cero di Ruko Del Monta, mutual aid and sick benefit; incorporators, A. Gius- seppe, V. Quarartellio and M. Cueco. State's Charges to Be Meeting Theme. Affairs of the state charitable in­ stitutions of Illinois, of the almhouses of the counties and condition of in­ mates who are In anywise charges of the state will be thoroughly Inves­ tigated at a meeting at the state house in this city of the state board of ad­ ministration, the state charities com­ mission and the superintendent and manager of each charitable Institution. Provision for such annual eonferepos is made In the law which became af* fective January 1, 1810. Ton can't administer punishment and forgiveness at the same time. Pettlt' s Eye Salve for 25c. Relieves tired, congested, inflamed »M •ore eyes, quickly stops eye aches. Aff druggists or Howard Bros., Buffalo, N. Y. Somehow the average mother doesn't think ahe la doing her duty unless she spoils her children. Not a Solitary Exception. Professor--Astrology teaches that a girl born in January will be prudent, good-tempered and fond of dress; In April, inconstant and fond of-- Hostess--In what months are girls born who are not fond of dress? Professor--In none, rj^adam. You Can Rely on Reslnol to Do Its Work Quickly and Perfectly. Have been troubled with dry E» zema for several months, and have tried many different remedies, but I have gotten more relief and better re­ sults with two applications of Ungt. Resinol than all other remedies. Will gladly recommend It whenever ard wherever I can. A.' E. Hatch, D.D.S., Cleveland. Ohio, Youthful Wisdom. Father--Why did my little boy send his papa a letter with only a capital T written on the page while he was away? Little Son--Because I thought you'd go around among your friends with it and say: "My boy Is only four years old, and just see the capital letter he writes!"--Judge. Deafness Cannot Be Cured tor local application* as they cannot reach the dis> eswed portion of the ear. There !» only one way w eurr deafness, and that Is by comtltutlonal remedlec Deafness Is caused by an Inflamed condition of tha mucous lining of the Eustachian Tube. When ttall tube Is Inflamed you have a rumbling sound or Im­ perfect hearing, and when It Is entirely closed, Deaf­ ness Ss the result, and unless th» inflammation can ba taken out and this tube restored to Its normal condi­ tion. hearing will be destroyed forever; nine cim Out oI ten are caused by Catarrh, which Js nothing but en Inflamed condition of the mucous surface#. We will give One Hundred Dollars lor any case ol Deafness (caused by catarrh) that cannot be curaa by HaH's Catarrh cure. Bend for circulars, tree. T. J. CHENEY A CO.. Toledo, a Bold by Druggists. 75c. Tii? Hail's FaciUy Pills fcr coast'.patJoa. 8churz Was of Him. Carl Schurz wis^aing one night with a man wKb i.i*3^vritten a book of poems, so called, and who was pleased with hinlseif. The poet was discoursing on the time-worn topic of politics of the men who take office. "I consider politics and politicians beneath my notice," he said. "I do not care for office. I wouldn't be a senator or cabinet officer, and 1 doubt if 1 could be tempted by the oifer of the presidency. For the matter of that, I would rather be known as a third-rate poet than a, first-rate states­ man." * <i "Well, aren't you?" Schurz shouted at him. At the One Horse. Jere L. Sullivan, the head of the Ho­ tel and Restaurant Employees' Interna­ tional alliance, said in Cincinnati, apro­ pos of Labor day: "Our American hotels are better than they used to be, and for this betr terment my organization deserves no little credit "We have today nq such hotels as the One Horse of Tin Can, where, if you asked for a bath, they used to give you a shovel and tell you to go down to the hollow and dam ths creek. "An English earl once viBlted ths One Horse hotel. The landlord with­ out ceremony led him outside, pointp ed to a window on the fifth floor, and •aid: " 'Thar's yer room.' " HE 8UCCEEDED. Bluefish--So Shad thought he'd get Into society by coming to the sea­ shore, did he? Bass--Why, yes. They had him for dinner at De Wealth's the first day. AN EFFECTIVE HOME MADE KIDNEY AND BACKACHE CURE Easily Prepared Medicine Which is 8aid to Regulate the Kidneys and End Backache. To make up enough of the "Dande­ lion Mixture" which is claimed to be a prompt cure for Backache and Kid­ ney and Bladder trouble, get from any good Prescription Pharmacist one-h^lf ounce fluid extract ^Ttendellon; one ounce Kargon Compound and three ounces Compound Syrup of Sarsapa- rilla. Shake well in a bottle and take In teaspoonful doses after each meal and again at bedtime. Those who have tried it say it acta gently but thoroughly on the Kidneys and entire urinary system, relieving the most severe Backache at once. A well-known medical authority rec­ ommends the prescription to be taken the moment you suspect any Kidney, Bladder or Urinary disorder or feel • constant dull Backache, or if the urine Is thick, cloudy, offensive or full of sediment, irregular of passage or at­ tended by a scalding sensation; or for too frequent urination during the night. This is a real harmless vegetable mixture which could not cause injury to anyone and the relief which is said to Immediately follow its use is a rev­ elation to men and women who suffer from Backache, Kidney trouble or any form uf Urinary disorder. This is surely worth trying, as it to easily mixed at home or any druggist will do it for you, and doesn't coat much.