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CHRISTMAS NOSTALGIA Presents I never received By MICHAEL GRANT Copley News Service My Christmases these days are enriched by a nos­ talgia for presents I never got Somebody was always saying there was a good rea­ son why I didn't get them, and I am glad to know they were right In fact I suspect they didn't know how right they were. There was a time, for ex­ ample, when I was sure I could not live much longer without owning an air rifle (we called them "BB guns"), and every autumn I dropped hints to that effect to anyone in the family who was old enough to do something about it I am still waiting. This Christmas morning will be the 32nd or SSrd consecutive that I do not find a BB gun undo* the tree. Of course, I no longer consider it a mat­ ter of survivaLI have not even hinted for one in sever­ al years. And if I did, the reply would be the same: no. My family believed that BB guns served one purpose and one purpose only, to put somebody's eye out "I'm not going to aim it at anybody!" I begged. "You'll put somebody's eye out," they said. I tried to argue that by their own admission, there were no fewer than a million ways to put somebody's eye out That they themselves said every waking hour was fraught with the danger. And that lack of BB gun owner­ ship would not preclude my commission of the awful act on somebody with a ball or a bicycle or the garage door. "You'll put somebody's eye out" they said, in the same flat voice of a doctor advising that failure to breathe will cause death. Well, I never got a BB gun and, sure enough, I have never put somebody's eye out by that means or any other. But now I realize there have been added benefits. PAUK S - PLAIN DEALER • Not having BBs to buy, I had more money to spend on RC Colas and on "Walt Dis­ ney's Comics and Stories." I never broke a window with a BB gun, or got into any other mischief with one, saving myself uncounted hidings thereby and making it that much easier on my poor grandma's hiding arm, sub­ ject as it was to enough wear-and-tear already. Ev­ eryone, it turns out was hap­ pier. It was the same story with the motorcycle. My reason­ ing was impassioned, theirs simple and direct "You'll kill yourself," they said. "I'll be careful'" I cried. "You'll kill yourself,'.' they said. I longed to go out Christ­ mas morning and find a mo- torscooter there -- a Vespa or a Cushman Eagle. That dream has matured, inciden­ tally, over a quarter-century until now I would like to find a Harley Davidson Electra- Glide, the Buick Roadmaster of motorcycles, by the front steps. But none has been there, ever. And, as promised, I have not killed myself on one. Nor did any of my fami­ ly fall ill with worry. The motorcycle I never had did not drip any oil on the side- FRIDAY, OCTOBER *1. MM walk, again saving Grand­ ma's hiding arm. In later years, as the Cushman has evolved into an Electra-Glide, I have spared my family the burden of going without food in order to meet the payments and buy insurance. Naturally, I also am better off for eating regularly and probably would be less, content riding about half-starved on the Buick Roadmaster of motor­ cycles. I can't say if my family, in those other years, was aware of these other things, or just took my certain demise as reason enough to deny me. But I have devel- Come In And Look Them Over While Selection Is Best.. FREE INTERIOR CECOMTING CONSULTATION kmnnm 0»e« IttcilCNKY Home ftiiritiKhiiMiH TUA C|A#A TUMI ^ T/* V /\i a 11/tMAw 3858200 K618W.RT.120j McHenq, III. The Store That Car^ To Sove You Money MM., TMV. Tlmn., Fri. 9am to 9pm MM. & Sat. torn to 6pm Stin. noontoipw Frac Stt U* PriwcnC M P»y» Sww fc Cart oped an appreciation of their knack for boiling a complex issue down to some appro­ priate common denomina­ tor, as it expedites my abili­ ty to deny myself, or to defer disappointment. For example, I have thought from time to time that it would be nice to have a motorboat, but just as 1 have rationalised the ex­ pense in my mind, I remem­ ber that if I had a motor- ' boat, I'd drown. I would like a new stereo, but I'd electrocute myself. I have, unfortunately, dropped hints about a set of tools that if I get them, will have my fingers off by sundown. And tools (as well as stereos and motorboats) are as sure to put somebody's eye out as a piece of carrot escaping the bowl of a food processor. We don't open our pre­ sents until Christmas morn­ ing, but as of this writing, there are indications that this will be the fourth con­ secutive Christmas that I do not receive the object of my fondest wishes, a 25-inch color television set. Natural- {ly, I am thanking my lucky stars. I would watch the thing all the time and put , both eyes out. hubM FBANK1JN McHenry, Illinois 1250 N. Green Stree SALE ENDS TUESDAY LAYAWAY NOW FOR CHRISTMAS Electronic Games Sale LASTING GIFT IDEAS Large Selection TABLE LAMPS Buy one at our Receive 2nd ALL WOOD CURIO CABINETS ALL STYLES '299! BEAUTIFUL GRANDFATHER CLOCK REG.S899.95 LAYAWAY PRICED AT $49995 Law This... WALL HUGGER PQNTIAC RECLINER REG.$349.95 $25995 b fc. ba fc Merlin: The •leetronle Wizard! Martini computer brain counter* row moves, bogglot your mlndl WHti ill ttclUng electronic game*... from Tie Tec Toe to •lectr/eck t J. Eren play mutic Our Low Prlea s -o- f X 194 I Pooket Simon CofnpMi wNh lights, sound effects! 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