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..~‘. -‘n .,, ..-.... .. up. ... . 2.-.}.{13-1?” .31 w c. s'roycd. I have thought of the old say- t Sample of Western Humour. l v Kassss Cn'r. Hm, . September 8th, 1890. A'fzi’unr :g/‘(h’ I'uielmi Full: Gazelle. Dun Stu,â€" I take the liberty of writing to pm; once more, to inform you and yotir‘ Irwin-rs how I am getting on. and to try to :{i'iilzh' you with a little of what I have seen lvrc. I am sorry to learn that Fenelon; l-‘.-.il.-: has been scourgull with fires this sum- 3 1;. 'l'. which must be quite a loss to those 5: tet‘cslt'd. I learn also that the house I i ~ d to live in was one of those that were 1., “I, 3-»!, "Jump from the frying-pan iiitu the inc." in connection with this; but the up- l y..ic.tliott seems to be reversed iii my case, l t'oi' most surely I have jumped from the tire i into the frying-pun, us. while escaping from i o dug burnt out, I came here to be fried in ‘ the sun. I feel somewhat more reconciled than I did at first. I am now working for I to: Liggest contractor in the city for $3 25 I p.-r day. We lose a gOod deal of otir time , l. l"' : ifa shower fall in the‘morning. noth- , lug is done till afternoon, or may be next city. They do things with such a rush here, while they are at it, that if there is any bitch in any one part of the work we have 1'; stop and wait. till it is remediedâ€"just l"-;c it big machine or engine that gets out oi order. You must excuse me, Mr. Editor, 17 I write with less vigor than usual. I am engaged at licnvy work, and the vigor re- i,.iii-ed by the brain for writing is somewhat absorbed by the muscles for lifting heavy stonch fear." I will, with your permission, iii-tart something ll came acrcss the other d:i_\' near \vhercI now Work. I went into the sitting room of a hotel named the “ lleclinnics' Hotel,” and sat down. After a while I noticed a card hanging on the wall, which appeared to be a bill of fare. Going over, I read the following, which 1 rake to be a fair specimen of western wit: MECHANICS' HOTEL, Jacon Raw, PIlOPltlETOH, Cor First and Wyoming Avenue. ARMOUHDALE, KANSAS. ITS MANY ADVANTAGES. This hotel has been arranged for the spe- cial comfort of the citizens of Armourdiilc uznl the travelling public. On entering the Lott-l. each gentleman will be asked how he likes the location, and if he says Mechanics’ Hotel ought to have been placed some- where else, the location will be immediate- ly changed. The most comfortable seat. in the room for each gent. Daily papers from all parts of the country; piano and tele- graph in each corner of the hotel; drinks every minute if required, consequently no “time lost; waiters of every nationality and color, if desired; every waiter furnished with a libretto, button-hole bouquet, full dross suit of ball tablets, and his hair part- ed in the middle. Every patron of the Me- I".lt\lllCS, Hotel will have the best seat and the best waiter iii the hotel. Any gent not getting his drinks red hot or ice cold, as ticSII'L'lI, or experiencing a delay of ten sec- ond: after giving his order, will mention the fact to the proprietor, and the bar- ncepers and waiters will be blown from the mouth of a cannon in front of the hotel at once. A discreet porter, who belongs to the Masons, Odd Fellows, Sons of Malta, Knights of Pytliias and K. K. 83., and who was never known to tell the truth or the time of day, has been employed to carry milk punches, hot toddies and lemonades to the ladies in any part of the city. The bar- kecpcr has been selected to please chry- body, and lead in prayer, play draw poker, shake for drinks at any hour of the (luv or night, play billiards, is a good waltzericun dance the German and make a fourth at eziclire, repent the Beecher trial from mem- ol'y, is it good judge of horses, and its a railroad reference is far superior to Apple- ton‘s. or any other man’s, guide; will flirt with any young Indy, and not mind being cut to death when ‘- Pa comes ’rouud,” and don‘t mind being d â€"d any more than the an river; can wait on forty gentle- men at once. and give every gentleman the host drinks in the house, and can answer all questions in Greek, Irish, Hebrew, Choc- Luv. Sioux, German or any other polite language at the same moment, without turning a hair. Dogs allowed to lie on the llriiascls carpet in the w(h)inc room. Gen- tlemen can drink, smoke, chew gum, tell szorics. stare at strangers, or indulge iii any other amusement common in hotels. The proprietor will always be. happy to Ilt‘lll' that some other hotel is the best in the city. Special attention given to parties who can give information :15 to how nicely and iiill'crciitly things are set up at other places. ' BILL OF FARE. sour. Lampwick. Sponge, Cork, Whnlcbonc. l-‘lrlll. lied Herring, Blind Herring, Cross-eyed Herring. com) DISHES. llrokcii Ice, Cold Ice, Raw Ice, Iceberg. ROAST. Seared Cow, Chickens forty-eight years old, Goose. oauit. Il-Hl l‘edro. Old Maid, 'l‘igcr, Seven Up. I? :t-Lii'e. l’iteh, Casino. Keno, l’okcr, Pool. rosuuiz. Hi-l llaid‘s Lip, Vinegar Sauce, Mother-in- l.iw ‘l‘ongiic. Soiioiii-litw Sass, Old Gossip‘s Tongue. xsriiizns. ‘ gentlemen. , Scully. \‘iiter, Bayou Water. l-‘ir- Water. P. â€"Carringes at all hours, night and é d Water. Warrior Water, Creek Water, Eye I l . . . l day. for boulevard drives tor ladies on t So ends the reading on the card I saw in the hotel sitting room. I send it to you to l print, asl think it will amuse your read-E crs better than anything I can write. Ii would like to see you all again, and hope i you are well, as this leaves me and mine at i present. Yours truly. JAMES TE AGUE. A. Rare Chance ! 4'87 - LOTS - 87% IN FENELON FALLS FOR. SALE, Belonging to the Estate of the late D. J. Will be sold in single lots or in blocks to suit purchasers. Also a brick house and lot on Fidler‘s Hill. NOW IS Y'OUR TIME AS â€"â€"-â€" TIIEY IVIUST BE SOLD _..- For terms and particulars apply to Barron ik McLaughlin, Solicitors for the Estate, Lindsay, or to W. E. ELLIS, Penelon Falls. April 2511i, 1890....imr ________________â€"â€"â€"â€"â€"-â€"â€"â€" The Canada life Assurance lily, ESTABLISHED IN 1841. THE OLDEST AND THE LEADING LIFE ASSURANCE COMPANY IN CANADA. Capital Jr Assets as at the 30th of April, 1889, over $10,000,000. Annual Income for the ear ending 30th April. 1885. $1, 1000- Total Sum assured to 30th April,1885, amounts to $47,000,000. The profits of this old and reliable Com- pany are larger than any other Life Office doing business in the Dominion, and its ratio of expenses to income are less than that of any other Canadian or British office. The policies of this Company are indisputa- ble on any grounds whatever after two years, and policies becoming claims are paid at, once. The rates charged by this Company are as low as any first- class office. All forms of policies are issued. McDOUGALL & BRANDON, 43.1y. Agents, Fcnelon Falls. BUSINESS_NOTIOE. Notice is hereby given that the business hitherto carried on by Samuel Swanton as a dealer in :‘OMWWNMWONNOWOQWW 5 RailwayTies, Cordwod, Telegraph 3 g Poles. Cedar and all km s of Timber, Lumber and Shingles, ooficcoooowo owvwwo coo OQNOOWOOOVO will be continued on a much larger scale than formerly by the undersigned, who will pay, as hitherto, THE HIGHEST CASH PRICES, ' and payments will be promptly made on the 15th of every month for all materials delivered. 38" One of the firm will be regularly on the road. For particulars apply to Samuel Swanton, No. 5?. Victor Avenue, Toronto, or to J. H. Brandon, Fcnelon Falls. SWANTON, BRANDON & Co. N. Il.â€"i\lr.Swaiiton thanks his numerous customers for their liberal patronage during the past ten years, and begs to solicit a continuance of the same for the new firm. Pcnélon Falls, Aug. 7th, 1889.â€"26-tf. SCHOOL BOOKS AND SUPPLIES ' -' . had ~v . _|t‘v.f;f..y)' .m- ‘3 'r' . ,- ‘ i g a v '6â€" s The Only Place in Town -â€"â€"FORâ€"â€"â€" STYLISH HATS l. l l l l l l l l l l same this season. CLARK & SON. GROCERIES T’ROVI SIONS. J. McFTIiiLAND has now on hand a splendid stock of fine fresh TEAS, COFFEES, Sugars, Syrups, Tobaccos, Rice, Raisins Currants, Starch, Soaps and all other groceries, which he will sell and to which he invites the attention of the public. CROCKERY, GLASSWARE, Earthenware, Brooms, Pails, Washtubs, Blocking-brushes, Clothespins, Matches and other articles in great variety. Banned Fish, Hull 8: Vegetables of the very best brands and at; the low- est possible prices. Cash Paid for Butler & Egg and other farm produce. age Flour and feed kept constantly on hand. JOSEPH MCFARLAND. BEST VALUE. ____â€"â€"â€"-â€" Fast Colored Ging- hams for 100. Fast Colored Mus- lins for 10c. Fast Colored Prints for 10 cents. {41$ The freshest Goods in the village at Wm. Campbell’s. Cheap for Cash, Goodhand’s Livery, East Francis Street,Fcnelon l-‘nlls. I wish to draw the attention of the public to the fact that l have purchased the livery busi- ness lately owned by BIL-Wm. Routly. and have made such improvements as will meet the requirements of the. travelling public. 1 not prepared to furnish first-class horses and comfortablo rigs atthe loweslliving prices. GEORGE GOODIIAND House and Lot For Sale. The East half of Lot No. 2, west of Col- horne and north of Francis street, Fenclon Falls, Co. Victoria, the property of Mary Calder. There is on the premises a frame house 22 x 33 feet. For full particulars apply to Mr. J. B. Moffat, Verulam, or to MARY CALDER, Nov. l'0th, l889. Omemce P. 0. House and Lot For Sale. For sale, very cheap for cash,a half-acre corner lot and the buildings thereon, op- posite the south ward school house, Fenc- loti Falls. stories high, on a stone foundation, with a kitchen 13 x 20 feet and it woodshcd. There are also a workshop 14 x 20 feet, a never failing well of excellent water and a few fruit trees. The buildings were erected about twelve years ago, and are in good condition. Apply at the GAZETTE office, or to the undersigned. GEO. W. MARTIN, )0 Pearson Avenue, St. Albnn's Ward, Toronto. Toronto, April 2nd, 1890.â€"7tf. WALL PAPERS. New Patterns Arriving Daily FROM ENGLISH, CANADIAN ‘AND AMERICAN MARKETS. All the Latest Designs in Hall, Dining Room, Drawing Room and Bedroom Papers, Ceiling Papers, Corners and Decorations. PRICES & STYLEâ€"Sâ€"‘IDSIIIT CUSTOMERS. Call and see my 5c. per roll Paper. u 6c. M (I ll 70. H H H ll 80' ll H H (t 90. U U H H H H And all the way to 50¢. per Roll. I have on hand the largest stock of Wall Paper ever brought into Lindsay. REMEMBER THE PLACE: The house is 18x24 feet, 15 _. ._.___..â€".â€"â€"â€"â€"â€"â€"â€" FARMS FOR, SALE. The following cheap and good fers are in the finest section of “'estct, mat-lo Send for the “Canadian Farm .~\ .ertiscr‘ to].‘l. Daly & Co, Guelph P. 0.. Out. It is sent free and gives the acres cleared, sizes and kinds of buildings, &c., Sc” oi these and 27 5 other farms. xNo stones. hill: or swamp on the format and the soil is guaranteed deep. rich. clay loam that never bakes. Money sent it re- uulrad as guarantee. for expenses if the farms are not cheap and as represented.â€"~ and intending buyers, after seeing them. left to decide for themselves, and then keep or return the money as they think right. Pure spring water on every farm. good fences; land not hilly nor tint. (ii-.trel roads, cheese factories, creamerics, schools, churches and post offices near all the farms. Good water every where and healthy coun- try. Only enough money roblnd the bargain need be paid until taking pocneasion, E and then 60 per cent., ‘60 01' every SIOO. @ \Ve led the trade last season, and we intend doimg the . of the price will be lett on the farms. or less than that, it buyers wlsh. payable lust to suit the buyers In every way. Thlo will be put ln writing and is the best chance ever offered to buyers. All buyers get good title: and their deeds when they take pos- session. 110 acres. t‘usclenred, i5 .itrii-n 9 0 fine maple bush, good lit-inc and burn, market town with railway 1 miles. "3 , 100 :crcsdo clthired. l\.il. lll‘t‘ 15L 9 Q ( ' bush, brick house, pinul bu n, mar ct town onlv i mile. -N"‘ i wlOO R‘lvlctll'gtl,nltt‘1l‘\‘ w t _ g and burn. near market ltt\\". "’ "i no acres, au’YiEma.‘ gt‘ntl l‘uildings. near ttlurkcl. «a 65 ocrcsiill 'cleiirctl, umul cu , . buildings. near large in“ ii. 3777'.” m(l_ddrc§:83'clc;ircil, i; not, can) 9 . brick house and bank turn, market town with railway; _milc§,fivill:igc tirztr. " "m 100 acres. 90 cleared, to hush, , - ~ large fresh water lake is boundarv at back end, good house and burn, market town with railway 5 miles. 205 acEsT-mtii'icsi hardwood, house and turns, a village 2 miles. market town with railway 7 miles. 165 acres, ocleztrcd, igliaril $5 51 . \\'00d,gOOI.I§IIO\ISC. small burn, market with railway 1 mile, large town (i lllll(‘ "iv-4"” 100 :l‘t‘lrégr-S-Sâ€"CICIKPIAI 51ml?- $5 a wood, li'nc brick lu'iiixe and large bank barn, market town with railway} miles. 200 acres, iSn (‘lL‘flN‘d' $ 10) 2 balance hardwood, 2 sets of fine buildings. 2 bank barns and 1 good houses, market town with railway 3 miles, can be and is dividedâ€"one of the best farms in the county. I) 6 fÂ¥~lfi ' 300 acres c-lciujeil Hill)" $2 9000' $4,000 cash, litil.iin~c to suit purchaser, fine buildin s that cost $io,ooo. This farm adjoins City of net )h, and is uni- of the I‘L'St grain and stock farms of its size in Ontario. 450 acresâ€"min block. you cleared, 90 very tim- valuable hardwood bush, 3 sets finc buildings, a bank barns, 1 line now brick dwelling, ncnr gnutl market town with railways. best large farm in the county, is fenced into3 farmsâ€"zoo acres, IS" acres. and too acres, will be sold separately or together. Sand for the “ Farm Advertiser." It glvon lull particulars of these and 275 other forms and valuable Information about thlc country. _ Addrolc. J. J. Only at. 00.. Guelph P. 0., OnI‘I MRS. HEELEY, DEALER IN MILLINERY AND FANCY GOODS ‘ taping Dine. Pnlhiiine Slieel. lenelnn lalls. HEADQUARTERS IN VICTORIA COUNTY FOR llllfllll Paper and Picture llamas â€"lS ATâ€" Just Opposite New Post-oflicc, w. A. GOODWIN’S, lient Street, L I N I) S A17. G.i.MiifiEiiLL. 563‘” Please call and see my 5c. Paper. Lindsay, April 2nd, 1890. LINDSAY Marble Works. Baker’s Block, Kent-sh, Lindsay. Artists’ Goods a Specialty. Machine Needles. Alabastine and Dye Works Agency. 3 David Chambers General Blacksmith, Francis-st, Fenelon Falls. Illncksmitliing in all its different brnnclnra- done on short notice and at the lowest l . . . . . . , living prices. Particular attention paid to Give me a call and I will VALISES. +:;.»'§ R, CHAMBERS _ Iuw'ttil on half slit-ll. Spider Toes, llaked l , t‘lngnon. Horse Blankets fricassced. Haird E I l I II , , pins on toast. l l ‘ VEGETABLES. ' light “not Corns. son Corns, mm} com, is prepared to furnish the people of Lind-‘ borne-shoeing. , (Tofu Cons. , Everything belonging to the , guarantee satisfaction. 45-ly. 'asra . . be“, Mu me a . . ” l "â€" "”“'*"*""""“" â€"-~ ' l. sh... one cut was, Leather Pies with huh" “d "arm" 7"“ ' "d (""""°' .saconn mvrsrou coun'r i. “if-“"5. "“Vdus‘ Pm“le ‘1 I" 2"”: Shoe- , conflan“! ROI“ In SIOCk- Estimates promptly given on all kinds of .' Mg Pudd‘ml- I cemetery work. _0' fl”- - tomcat. . Marble Table Tops, Wash Taps, Mantel . County of Victoria. I (lizinistoiie, Ice Cream. Yeast Cakes, Door , l D J ‘ l’ieccS, Etc, 8 Specialty. ' (uni. Cotton Seed. Oil Cakes, Armourdale I A I R I Being a.practiCal workman. all should The next sittings of the above Court will .\lud Cakes. . see his desxgus and compare prices before he held in Dickson's hall, Fenelon Falls. purchasing elsewhere. 9 WORKSâ€"In rear of the market on Cam- 2 0" T'lcfldflpfi Oat,” 7”" bridge street, opposite Hattltewa' packing. commenctngnt 10 o’clock in the lore-noon lKent‘St'i i mm .3037. can-aans.'cz°"“"””‘“' E-D-"W Done on the Shortest Notice. PRI‘ZTS. 5073, SW. 53...;5 Foot, Gum Drops. Boiled Acorns, Raw Onions. UQCOM. a" Water, Kur River Water, Bigbce J UN KIN’S. Bailiff. Clerk North oftbc Town Hall, Penelon Falll, July 10th, l800.