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Queer Things That Are Sent to the l Patent Oliioe. (From the New York Sun.) Every event of importance brings down upon the examiners at the Patent Ofice a myraid of impossible inventions which their wild-eyed originators believe to be the greatest things in the world. It is, therelore, expected at the Patent Office that the possibility of a war with England will cause all the idle dreamers in the inventing line to send new devices for killing men and sinking ships. There will be, if the war talk is continued. guns, ammunition, war balloons, unsink. able ships, new kinds of armor, armed flying machines, and other similar de- vices. ninety-live per cent of which will be absolutely worthless in the eyes of the examiners and will be rejected on this ground. The policy of England is quite different in respect to worthless inventions, for any invention with which a fee is sent may secure a patent, and the visionary inventor may continue to haul up the empty buckets he has been letting down into the empty well. In the United States such discrimination is shown that the business of inventing has reached the dignity of a profession, in which many men are earning more than a mere livelihood. Upon the model makers devolve the worry and bother of the visits of these inventors, and upon the examiners of the Patent Office the responsibility of selection. In certain classes of inven‘ tions. for a patent to be granted a work- ing model must be furnished, and this rule. in the ease of the perpetual motion fiend and his ilk, saves the examiner a great deal of work and needless bother. In the case of ordinary freak inventions the matter is not so simple, for some inventions that were once thought to be senseless. have, after the expiration of the patents, come into use and are of extreme Value. There are other cases where the insanity of the idea of the inventor is too apparent. A man not long ago invented a plow with a cannon attachment. If the farmer was attacked in the field at a distance from his home, he could turn on the battery and dis- organise the attacking party. Another man came to the patent ofiice with what he considered to be the discovery of the century. This was nothing less than a new method of tempering iron. \vas quite sure that as soon as the pat- ent was granted he would have no difficulty in disposing of it to the great iron and steel makers of the World, and 1hat gun.“ and armor of a superior qual- ity could be furnished in a short space -ol'time through his idea. The tempering solution he proposed Was Jamestown wood. one ounce; upplcs, one ounce; turnips, two ounces; water, one gallon. The ingredients were to be cooked, and the iron dipped into the mixture. Per- l-nns one of the most amusing patents ever granted was issued on the claim of an Ohio man in 1883. He evidently had not lived a great length of time on a farm, for his invention of a new corn planter. while original to an extreme decree. could hardly be put into use. The picture accompanying the patent. is a work of art. It represents an old llnl'su. driven by a stout man. who holds the lines nonchnlantly in one hand, an expression of much pleasure on his face, while at his side trudges a small hairy dog of the yellow variety. To the horse's forelegs. just above the fetlncks. are attached two small boxes to contain the seed. Ropes are fastened to catches in the sides of these boxes and lead through pulleys attached to a small saddle over the horse's shoulder and back to the horse’s hind legs. As the horse moved forward each step of the hindlog opened the seed boxes, and corn was sifted down into the holes made by the front hool's. The verbiage of the claim on this patent is as original as is the drawing: First. I claim the combination sub- stantially set forth with the cheap old horse, A, to the forelegs of which are attached the boxes, B B, that are to be filled with corn. 2. I claim the pulleys, C C. in com- bination with the strings. D D, substan» tially as shown in the drawing. 3. [claim the guide. E (a small iron allair shaped like a rowlock, fastened above the home’s tail. through which the lines pass), for the purpose set forth. and the sticker, II, to prevent the low. ering of the. tail. 4. [ claim the fat driver. F, to pre- rnm the said cheap hot-5c from going Santa-painful and set it midi). tun ll.t.\l. 5. I claim the fat dog, G, merely as company for the driver. 6. I claim the worms (not shown),in combination with the crows, K K. sub l 'l'hen strain off the liquor in thin layers! [In strong enough to lift himself, a bell cord was situated near his hand by means of which help could be summoned from the neighboring ofiice of the cemetery. At first glance the idea of attracting noxious insects to imitation floaters where they could be killed by poisoned honey might seem absurd. Yet it is said that this scheme. a patent for which has been issued, works very wall. A man out in California patented a scheme for killing destructive insects on fruit trees a num- ber of years ago. He surrounded the tree with a balloon-like ufl'air, and then injected a gas noxious to the insects but harmless to the tree. People laughed at him, and he was considered a crank. Two years ago, when the patent expired. people began to see what a good idea it was, and now the method is in extensive use in California. It will be seen, therefore, that patent examiners are obliged to be both careful and discrim inating in judging the merits and de- merits of an application. A man not long ago invented a bal- loon attached to a trolley wire. This balloon Was presumably for purposes of long distance investigations by telescope in time of war. Underneath the trolley wire was a motor which operated two large wooden propellers sending the car along and pulling the balloon. Another man invented a “ steam nigger," oper- ated by an electric motor in the regions of the pit of the stomach. The ‘inven- tion's use is not set forth. S. S. Apple- gate invented an arrangement for waking himself up early in the morning. A series of corks dangled above the place his head ought to be in a bed, and, actuated by clockwork, made life a bur- den for the weary sleeper, until in self- defence he was obliged to get up. An- other invention was a contrivance for dumping the hired girl out of bed at 5 A. M. This, too, was actuated by clockwork. It was not considered to be so polite or gentle a method as that of Mr. Applegate's. There was another invention intended to save the weary Benedick a few hours of slumber in the morning, for a mechanism placed under the kitchen fire was supposed to light it at any hour desired. There is a very funny model at the Patent Oflicc of a cat made of sheet iron operated by clockwork. It is intended to be placed on the roof of a house, woodshed or back wall in neighborhoods where the night is made hideous by nervous Thomases and Marisa. At any touch or warlike demonstration on the its curious neighbors the clockwork sets the claws going all at once at a tremen- dous rate and there is a temporary rest for the weary. At the Patent Office there are models of Mark Twain's scrap- book, the pages of which are already mncilaged, and Lincoln’s device for getting ships off shoal places. This consists of bags of inflatable rubber, which, as occasion requires, are blown up and the vessel raised. There are innumerable inventions to prevent accidents by collision on rail- roads. One of these patented recently consists of a very elaborate device by means of which one train runs over the top of the other, both presumably con tinuing on their way uninterrupted by the chance encounter. There is another English invention having much the same idea. The application is different, how ever, for the front of the engines are built wedge-shaped, with the wedge inclining more to one side than the other, by which means at the impact one train goes to one side of the track and the other train to the other side. Both trains are derailed, but the force of the collision is reduced and the loss of life brought to a minimum. Besides these inventions there are modes of changing the shape of the features, modes of operating every conceivable thin-.r on earth by windmills, modes of soaring through space, and travelling through fire and water without the least discomfort, modes of making steel and iron by simpler processes than have ever been dreamed of, which uniformly do not work, and hundreds and even thousands of plans which have resulted in nothing but bother to anybody who has had anything to do with them. Certain methods have been patented for locating gold and silver by means of divining tuds. Even methods of mak- in: gold are found. Here is an English rec -ipt l‘or manulhctnriug gold : " ('ut whole wheat straws into little squur-- strips the width of the straw and mix this with a quart measure of the grains. Measure out half a two-quart Fill the Sauccpan three quarters lull of water and so! it to boil over the fire. Pour in the mixture and let it boil two and a quarter hours. aiding water at intervals. Manda"). a, 9},an i“ {he drawing forl in soup plates, and allow the same to the purpose set forth (a purpose not set i frail llllrly‘mil” hm” 3" 3* (enll’cnmm forth). A man who was afraid of being buried , o‘ 40 degrees Fahrenheit. bake them dry and tied the gold ad- alivc claimed a patent for a coffin of; ltcring to the plates." peculiar shape. The coffin necml with the air above by an opening: moraining a small spiral staircase. If the supposed dead person concluded to; was con- i â€"-â€"~.â€"r- o-- lt is said that all the burglara' jim- mies in London are made by one man, who is well known to the police, but resurrect himself he could seize the cannot be arrested, as his work is not immile also"! his head and haul hlm- ; contrng to law, Besides, it, is very sell up, awarding the circular staircase loom-anion to be able to true his our «has convwicnce. If he was acting.“ fin part of Then slowly ' Why Bother Looking Anywhere Else? For Hardware, Stoves and House Furnishings, “illith _ . ' CANADlANORDl-IROF ODDFELLOWS. Lead, Paint, Oils. and the best assortment of Lamps, the , 0 can. u- ” Ice-c a a n o . - u a a c . n u e u a . p . e o o co --oo.¢~-..o...-ono .......~-eceocoaoo biggest combined stock of any one store between Fenelon nacnaocnI-ov u o I . - n . a a . a n o o I . . g u u c o o a n u a u on. o u a o o a a u v o - u s . a o - n u a u n n - . u a a o o o a o o a u o g u n . n o a u o o u a Falls and Toronto, and the lowest prices. vagueness-unnocuooseasons-asconce-unno-o-sann I a o o u o o o a o c e a u o o u u JOSEPH HEARD. 'A FINE NEW STOGK 0F sminc arm SUMEH ' READY-MADE CLOTHING JUST RECEIVED AT JOS. McFARLAND’S. If you need a Sleigh or Cutter and want first- olass value for- your money call on S. S. GAIN ER. Repairing and Repainting done in the best style and at the lowest rates. R'I'P‘A'N‘S The modern stand- ard Family Medi- Cures the â€" common every-day cine : ills of humanity. u; Ill .J [1.1 C! U1 (-1.1 > G [Ll Z O CAVEAlS,TRADEMlths COPYRIGHTS. i CAN I GBTAIN A PATENT? M a 1 answer- and an honest oplnl write . U N a: 00., who hove bad nut! yy cxponanee In the t mucosa anta- l marglymrcmd. AHuflookofln- 1 concern A m ‘PIIOIII Ind how to o)- ‘ and sclqu noon sent me. notice In the Se‘ignulc Anode-I. 821:. mm vider month. mononu- m coat to the inventor. This “Imam week! . ant] llln stated trash :2 gig-Elia: oar"; damage In m Edltlori mortally. Balm a car. sum go 0|. ‘1'! oepmcogvery n‘pm oohtgtnaotboaaâ€" plates. 1: an a m with plan ehs'abllu builder: show the d secure contracts. Adorn-c an HUI 00.. N" You. 301 Runaway. @ If you haven’t got money to pay what you owe ’ for the “ Gazette," almost any kind of farm produce will be taken at market prices: LINDSAY Marble Works. as R. CHZRBERS as is prepared to furnish the people of Lind- say and surrounding country with HONUMENTS AND HEADSTONES, both Marble and Granite. Estimates promptly given on :11 1 kinds of cemetery work. Marble Table Tops, Wash Tops, Mantel Pieces, etc., a specialty. WORKSâ€"In rear 0 the mnrke’ on Cam- bridge street,oppositc Matthews’ paJking house. Being a practical workman all should see his designs and compare prices before purchasingelsewhere. HOBT. CHAMBERS. North of the Town Hall' ~â€" SGMETHING NEW TO THE LADIES 0F FENELON FALLS AND VICINITY. A New and Improved System of Garment Cutting, known as the De La. Morton French Per fection Tailor System,neknowledged by all leading tailors and rlrt-ssmakers who have tried it to be the best in the world. It can be adapted to any style of dress, from a tailor made costume to the daintiest even- ing gown. Seamless waists cut by the same system. Ensures a perfect fit. Dress- making done in all its branches. No extra charge for new system. MRS. J. A. CALDER, HcArtbur’a Block, upstairs. Entrance next door to llr. Robson's store, nearly opposite the Post-0500. DIEGTORY. ___.‘l.. -‘ ~ m...“ r ' I SOCIETIES. TNIGHTS OF TESTED MACCABEES. \ Diamond Tent No. 20S. Meet: in the True Blue hall in McArthur‘a Block on the first and thin! Tuesday in each month. 11. E. AUSTIS, Com. 0. W. Buaoovsa, R K. APLE LEAF TRUE BLUE LODGE Np- ,L 42. Regular meeting: held on thé 2nd and 4th Wednesday in each month. Hall in McArthur‘s Block. Jons McGuvaar, Master. S. MCCl‘TCllION, Deputy Master: G no. human, Secretary. Tl‘t'l’ll Valley Lotlgcho. 71. Meet in the True Blue hall in McArthur‘s Block on the first and third Mondays in each month. Wu. llt‘Kn-iwx. N G. 1:. M. Mason, Y. 8., Sec. 1' 0. L. No. 996. MEET IN THE ORANGE J. hall on Francis St. West on the second Tuesday in every month. Linus. Drruax. W. M. J. '1‘. 'l‘uoatrsox, Jtt., Rec~St-c'. NDEPENDENT ORDER of FORESTERS. Court Phoenix No.182. Meet on the last Monday of each month, in the True Blue hall in McArlhnr's Block. T. Ausrm, Chief Ranger. Ilanaaur Saanronn, R. S. ‘lANADIAN HOME CIRCLES. FENEa LON 'Fnlls Circle No.127, meets in the True Blue hall in hit-Arthur’s Block the first Wednesday in every month. 1’. C. llnnoass, Leader. R. B. Sru‘xs'rsn, Secretory. F. AND A. 111., G. R. C. THE SI’RY' . Lodge No.406. Meets on the first Wednesday of each monlh,on or before the full of the moon, in the lodge room in Cunningham’s Block. E. Fn-zonnann, W. M. Rrv. W. Raucous, Secretary ._.. CHURCHES. BAPTIST CIlURCHâ€"QUEEMSTâ€"REV.- James Fraser, Pastor. Servicecvcry Sunday morning at 10.30. Sunday School every Sunday at 2.30. p. m. __ Hm NIETHODIST CHURCH â€"- COLBORNE Streetâ€"â€"Reverend T. 1’. Steel, Pastor.- Sundny service at 10.30 a. m. and 7 p. m. Sabbath School at 2.30 p. m. Epworth League of Christian .Endeavor, Tuesday evening at 8 o’clock. Prayer meeting on Thursdaycveningat 7.30. T. ANDREW’S CHURClIâ€"COLBORNE Streetâ€"Reverend M. McKinnon, Pas- tor. Services cvery Sunday at 10.30 a. m. and 7 p. 111. Sunday School every Sunday at 2.30 p. to. Christian Endeavor meeting every Tuesday at 8 p. m . Prayer meeting every Thursday at 7.30 p. m. - ALVATION ARMY â€" BARRACRS 0N Bond St. Westâ€"Capt. and Mrs. Wynn. Service every Tuesday, Thursday and Sat- urday evenings, and on Sundays at 7 a. m., 10 a. m., 3' p. m. and 8 p. m. -â€"â€"..___ ST. ALOYSIUS R. C. CHURCHâ€"LOUISA Streetâ€"Rev. Father Nolan, Pastor. Services every alternate Sunday at 10.30 a.m. Sunday School every Sunday at 2 p. in. ST. JAMES’S CHURCHâ€"BOND STREET Eastâ€" Rev. Wm. Farncomb, Pastor. Service every Sunday at 10.30 a. m. and 7 p. 111. Sunday School every Sunday nt11.30 a. m. Bible class every Thursday evening at 7 o’clock. . W Seals free in all church“. Everybody t'nvt'lcdto attend. Strangers cordially welcomed. DIISCELLANEOUS. D ECHANICS’ INSTITUTEâ€"P. KELLY, Librarian. Open daily, Sunday except- ed, from 10 o’clock a. m. till 10 p. In. Books exchanged on Tuesdays and Saturdays from 12 a.m. till 3 p. m. and in the evening from 7 to 9. Reading room in connection. 1)OST OFFICEâ€"F. J. KERR, POSTMAS- TER. Office hours from 7.40 a. m. 108 p. m. Mnil going south closes at8 a.m. Mail going north closes at 3 p. m. COUNTY COUNCIL. Wannerâ€"Jens Cmunzna, FENILOH. chley . . . . . . . . Geo. E. Lnidlaw.Reevc Bobcnygeon. . .J. L. Read . . . . . . Reeve Curdcn...... .. A. Jacob. . . . . . Reeve Dalton . . . Jos. Thompson . . .Rceve Dr.J.W.Wood Reeve Eldon ' ' ’ ' ' ° ’ ' C.McDonnld Deputy W. C.Swit7.er Reeve ’ T. McQunde. .Depuly Jno.ChnmhcrsRecve Wm. Hall Deputy Fenclon Falls. .Jns. Dickson . . . Reeve Laxton, Dighy and Longford John Bailey. . .. Reeve Richard Kylie Reeve Lindsay ..... {Get}. Grandell latDepnty W. M. Rhson . .2nd Deputy \‘l'.Lownsbrough Reeve l". Shaver. . . .. 151 Deputy Robert Adam 2nd Deputy Omcmee . . . . . . 'l‘.A. Mcl’hcrson Reeve Ops Johnston Ellis Reeve Samuel l-‘ox..Dcpnty John llowic..Rccvc A, Morrison..l)epnty Jns. Lilltgoleccvc John Kelly .. Deputy .. . Arch. Campbell Reeve Emily Fenclon . . . . . . Mariposa { one you. Somerville Vernlnm .. Woodville . baiiid “enamels, General Blacksmith, Francis-5L, Fenelon Falls Blacksmithinglnallitsdifl’crcnlbranehel done on short notice and at the lowest living nrices. Partlculsrlltention paid to horse-shoeing. Give me a callandlwlll granule-satisfaction . cb-ly. “mu... i”~Wu-<â€"w A- .-.-......._ .._ ._. n. r ......... ..- L... . m... L! ‘