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(a 8 OOOOOOOOOOâ€"OOOOOOOOO-OOO “Any letters, Susan?” asked Mr. Podberry, as he took his seat at the breakfast table. “Three, sir,” replied his house- keeper, placing them before him. »"0ne’s from Miss Kitty.”. “Kitty!” he snapped, regarding the woman with a frown. “Mrs. Susan Jenkins, when will you learn to call my niece by her baptismal name? Pet names are very well for children, but for a young woman of twenty-two, why ” The woman, being used to her mas- ter’s humors, made no reply, but having seen that all his require ments were within his reach quietly withdrew. ' Filling his cup from the urn he took up one of the letters, saying, as he tore it open, “From Matilda. What has she to say? “My Dear Brother,â€"Just a. hur- ried note to tell you that I have at last found what you require. He has already filled a similar post, and comes to us with excellent references. Kitty has seen him and thinks him a perfect gem.’ Umphl Ah! I dare say. ’I have advanced him the fare to Hurstleigh’â€"-what a fool that woman isiâ€"‘and he will call 011 you shortly after you receive this let- ter.’ Will he? Query.” And the letter was cast aside. "Now, then, Miss Kate,” as she opened the .“what have you to say? “ ‘My Dear, Darling Old Nunky’â€"- Ah! she wants somethingâ€"‘I’ve got a surprise for you. I meant to have kept it until my arrival, but Tom’â€" Now, who the deuce is Tom?â€"‘but Tom insists on seeing you and telling you all about it at once.’ Umph! That’s very thoughtful of Tom. “ ‘Ile intends running down to see you tomorrow, so look out for him, Kittyâ€"umph ! second, Nunky.’ Toâ€"morrow,â€"why, that's todday. Why, what the dickensâ€" umph! ” ‘Be nice to him, for he’s the dearest’â€"Oh! is he? That’s it, is it?â€"-‘fellow in the world, and loves me.’ Bosh! Some young jackanapes I’ll be bound. Well, if he doesn’t suit me he sha’n’t have herâ€"that’s flat.” Touching the bell, he folded the letters and placed them carefully in his pocket, and awaited his house- keeper’s arrival. “Jenkins,” he said, as she entered, “your young mistress has picked up n. sweetheart in. London. Some young fool, I suppose.” “I shouldn’t wonder, sir.” “Eh?” he snapped. “ What do you mean? You shouldn’t wonder? 'I suppose, Mrs. Jenkins, you think that nolone but a fool would fall in love with her, eh?" “No, sir; I think hqfid be a fool if he didn’t.” “Yes, yes, I know,” he said, in a mollified tone. “She’s a. wheodling little puss. But, Jenkins, he’s com- ing here toâ€"day. Let me see, what time did she say? Now, where on earth are those letters? Eh, what’s this?” he exclaimed, picking up a letter that he had hitherto overâ€" looked. “I don’t know this handwriting,” he~ said, tearing it open. “ 'Dear Old Fred’â€"â€"who the dickcns is Old Fred? Who's Fred, Jenkins?" "Lor’, sir, I don’t know." " ‘Dear Old Fred,â€"â€"Con-gratulate me. The pretty Kitty accepted me this afternoon, and by the time you read this I shall be on my way to I-Iurstleigh to board tlieâ€"-â€"â€"’ The what? What’s that, Jenkins?” he asked, point-ing to the line he had been reading. . Jenkins took the, letter, and, glancâ€" ing at it, read, â€"-â€"-to board the old egre of an uncle.” "What does he mean by “the old ogl‘el?lfi “lie means you, sir.” -“Jenkins, how dare you?" “Well, si1'â€"â€"” " 'Ogre of an uncle. Wish me luck, old boy. Yours, 'l‘om.’ ‘ “So, Miss Kate, this is the young gentleman, is it? Calls 1110 an old ogre, the young villain! He’s “the dearest fellow in the world,’ is he? Jenkins, if the sea-mp dares to show his face here I”llâ€"â€"-â€"” "That letter, sir, wasn't meant for your eyes. It‘s got into the Wrong envelop. Ah, young chaps in love do funny things. I know when Jen- kins was first courting me he left off oiling his hair, and used to go out into the meadows and talk to the cows because, he said, they re- minded him of inc. All, love's a funny thing!" she added, sighing over the recollection of her own young days. "Yes; makes fools of people,” he said, as he rose to quit the room. -"Oh, Jenkins,” he added, as he reached the door, “I’m expecting a young fellow down this morning to fill Wilson's place; as soon as he ar- rives let him come to me in my study.’1 For close on two hours Mr. Podâ€" berry sat among his books, occa- sionally looking up from the page before him to glanCe at his watch. “The fellow’s late,” he muttered at last, as, thrOWing the book im~ patiently aside, he strode towards ,the hall. At that moment there came a sharp rat-tat at the door, followed by p. man’s Voice inquiring for Mr. Podberry. “Yes,” he heard Jenkins say, “I'm glad you’ve come. The master has been expecting you.” . .zxn- , . H’s“... _ ....~ l.. . . ... .. Returning to his chair, he awaited the arrival of his visitor. "l‘was but a moment ere Jenkins ushered him in, having taken advantage of the interval to inform him that if he wished to please the master he must on no account contradict him. “Humor him." she whispered at the door. “He’s all right if you hu- mor him.”- "Oh! you have come, then?” said Mr. Podberry, eyeing him with sat~ isfaction as he entered the room. “Turn round and let’s look at you. Yes, you seem a. likely-looking young fellow. What’s your name?” “My name is Leonard.” “Eh? What? Absurd! Leonardâ€"tut, tut! Why-not Alphonso, or Sylvam us, or Cecil?” ’ ‘ “For the simple reason that it is Leonard,”â€" replied the young man, smiling. "'I am sorry if it does not please you." "Please incâ€"certainly notâ€"the thing’s absurd,” with a depreciatory wave of the hand. "I shall call you Jones.” “But, my dear Mr. l’od ” “Don’t be familiar, sir. I am not your dear Mr. l’odberry; I am Mr. Podberry only to my friends. To you, sir, I am ’sir.’ “- “I really beg your pardon, sir, butâ€"â€"'” ~ "Well, well,” said the old man, more amiably, “there is no occa- sion for any further apology; but re- member. . "And now, J onesâ€"-â€"” "Leonard, sir/i “Jones, I tell you. If you are not content to be Jones, I_~haVe nothing more to say to you.” The young fellow looked at Mr. Podberry as though somewhat in doubt as to his sanity, but, with a shrug of the shoulders, replied :â€" “Very Well, sir; Jones, if you wish it.” “Very well, Jones. Now, then, what are your capabilities?” “Well, I don’t know. I can row a. bit, I’m not a had shot, I play the banjo fairly well, and am reckoned good at a coon song.” “Coon song! Confound you sir, do you think I am starting a minstrel troupe? I’ll have none of your burnt cork foolery here, sir. Can you do anything useful?" “Well, I/hope so.” "You hope so, sir?” .cried Podbcrry with some asperity. "You hope so? The questions is can you? Can you clean bootsâ€"brush cloi‘.hesâ€"-â€"â€"‘L> Can you dig?” liI)ig?J) “Yes, dig. from a rake?” “Well, I think so. Butâ€"â€"” "Umph! What about bedding?” "Bedding"? Isn’t it rather early, sir, to-â€"--"’ “I should require out." - ‘ 'Bed outâ€"where? ’ ’ “In the garden, sir. Where else?” "I don’t understand you, sir; but !) “I don't think you need say any more. Plainly, Jones, I can hold out no hope to you.” “But, my dear sir, you have noth- ing against. me.” “Nothing against you? Why, to speak plainly, you seem to me the greatest idiot under the sun.” “Well, sir, I won’t quarrel your opinion; butâ€"~” "Well, well, if you admit it, there may be some hope for you. And, after all, I shall not tax your abili- ties to any great extent; it is my niece that you will haVe to please.” "Exactly, sir. And I assure you Miss Graham is quite satisfied.” “Well, well, if Kate is pleased I have nothing more to say; but be- fore I ratify the engagement I should like to have her opinion on the matter. She returns this eVenâ€" ing. As you are here, suppose you remain until she arrives. I’ll just mention the matter to Jenkins. Ahl that reminds Incâ€"about dinner. I am expecting a friendâ€"can you wait?" "Oh, certainly.” “Well, that's something in your favor. But,” as he roSe and in- spected the young fellow closely, “I don’t like these clothes." “I’m sorry.” “I couldn’t possibly allow my guest to see you in that garb. Why on earth didn’t you bring a dressâ€" suit?" "If I had the faintest idea that “That’s the worst of you people; you never have an idea. Oh! Jen- Do you know a spade you to bed with kins,” as the housekeeper made her' appearance; “the very thingâ€"just give this young man one of my old dressâ€"suits.” » “Lor’, sir, it won’t fit him by miles.” ' "Tut, tut! Jenkins; don’t put ob- stacles in the way. Make it fit. Take a tuck in at the back,” and leaving Jenkins and the young man vying each other doubtfully he strode into the hall, and donning a broad-brinmmd straw hat sauntered off upon his morning stroll. On his homeward journey he was overtaken by a young cyclist, who, dismounting, inquired, “Am I going right for "l‘he Becches’?” “Yes,” replied Podbcrry; “straight ahead. Whom might you wish to see at "The: Beeches-"9” "The guv’nor, Mr.â€"â€"umâ€"-I’ve for- gotten the old dul‘l'er's name. I’ve got it some where on a paper,” he said fumbling in his pocket. “Mr..â€" Mr. l.’ottleâ€"” “l’odberry, I suppose?" “Ah! that’s it. I knew it had something to do with berries. Do you know the old boy? They tell me he’s a bit cranky to deal with.” “Upon my soul,l' never found him so.” “Well, I lnusi get on. I’m a bit late already. I should have come have you?” “I beg your pardon, sir; I don’tâ€"” “There, there, sir, don’t deny it; cranky,” low edging toward the door. down by train, but having the bike 1â€".” “Well, there you are, young man, there is the house. You can see the chimneys among the trees yonder. You have some distance to go yet, for the road winds,” said Mr. Pud- berry, as he struck across the fields in the direction of the house. Some few minutes later he entered his study in a great state of good- humor. "So this is Master Tom, is it?” he chuckled, rubbing his hands gleefu1~ ly. “This is a great jokeâ€"a great joke! Won’t he be surprised? Ah” â€"as the bell soundedâ€"“there he is! Now, thenâ€"” “Gentleman says he has an apâ€" p'oitment with you, sir,” said the housekeeper, putting her head in at the door. “Show him in, Jenkins.” The housekeeper retired, to return accompanied by the caller, who started as he recognized his compan- ion of the road. Somewhat abashed he contrived to stammer out :â€" "Good morning, sir. Mr.â€"erâ€" Podâ€"” ' “Berry! Yes, Master Tom, ’tis‘ I. I told you I knew the old boy. You heard I was a bit cranky, did you? Who gave you that information? So you’ve come to heard the old egre, and when next you write two letters at once be sure you place them in the right envelopes. I am not going to let your words prejudice me against you, but I do expect you to have the courage to â€"â€"â€"” “But, sirâ€"--” “What, sir, do you intend to brazâ€" en the matter out? Will you deny tha’fyou used those words? Per- haps you’ll tell me you are not Tom at all?” . "No, sir, I’m Tom all right, but I don’t know how you knew, unless Miss-â€"â€"-” "Why, did you imagine that my little Kitty would keep a thing of that sort from her uncle? No, sir This is what she wrote to me this morning.” 'And, producing the let- ter, he read: “ ‘Be nice to him, for he’s the dearest fellow in the world.’ Now, sir, what do you say to that?” “Why,” said the young fellow, witha puzzled expression, “of course it’s very kind of the young lady to write like that. She promised to put in a good word for me, butâ€"" “What, aren’t you satisfied? Do you want me to betray her-confidence and tell you all the other sweet things of you?” "Blessed if I don’t think he is muttered the young felâ€" “Well, man, haven’t you a word to say?” ' 'Why-â€"Iâ€"-erâ€"â€"’ ’ , don’t ask me to be- I-Iang, it to my niece, “Tut! man, lieve that you are. bashful! man, you’ve spoken haven't you?” "Yes, sir.” _‘_ "Hang me if I don’t think the fel- low wants to back out of it. Do you or do you not wish to be enâ€" cased?” “Well,” faltered Tom, “I did when I came, sir, but Iâ€"I’ve altered my mind.” "What, sir?” cried Podberyy, anâ€" grily. _ "You’ve altered your mind? You dare to tell meâ€"â€"” “Mr. Podberry! Oh, I beg parâ€" don!” said an intruder, drawing back from the door. “Come here, sir. want?” "Why; merely, sir, to point out that, while I appreciate your kindâ€" ness I really cannot consent to waar a coat like this.” “What, sir?” “In spite of your housekeeper’s in- genuity it hangs about me like a sack. As for the other thingsâ€"” “Confound the fellow!” cried Pod- berry, flying into a. rage. “If I were not the bestâ€"tempered man in the world I should kick you both out of the place. But look here, Jones. Unless you desire your engagement to terminate forthwith you will wear those thinhs. As for you, sir,” a-d- dressing himself to the other, “I’m going to find a horsewhip, and if don’t write an abject apology to the lady or this insult I’llâ€"~” The threat was door behind him. “What an old firwaterl” said Leonard. “A' reg’lar snap-dragon, ain’t he?” said the other. You’ll throw up the engagement, won’t you?” "I’ll see the old rascal first.” “Well, I shall break off mine. Miss Graham is very nice, butâ€"~-" “Miss Graham! What has she to do with you?” “Why, ’twas by her advice I came. I spoke to her yesterday, and she re- ferred me to the old boy.” “Do you mean to tell me Miss lraham ever gave. you the slightest encouragement? ’ ’ “Rather. It was all settled as far as she was concerned.” “I’ll not believe her guilty of such baseness. You, too, a coarse, vul- galgfi,’ “I-Icre, hold on. I suppose you’re jealous at my steppin’ into your shoes? I”r’aps you’ll say as she sent you down, next?” “Undoubtedly I came at her stiga- tion.” - , “Well. that’s fumny,-seein’ that she was so took with me.” “ "l‘ook with you'?’ The illiterate brute,” muttered Leonard, turning away. Then, after a pause :â€" “Oh! you think she was ‘took with' you, do you? Do you dare to say that Miss Graham ever addressed one word of love to you?” "Wellâ€"not right outâ€"you know what girls areâ€"~-but you ought to ha’ What do you hanged - he morecareful in future. lost as he banged the ' seen the letter she writ to old Fiz- gig. Says she, 'He‘s the dearest, sweetest bOy in the world.” “’Tis strange,” said Leonard, pac- ing the room, “very strange. I can- not believe that Kittyâ€"and yet the fellow seems serious enough. Hark you, sir. You say that you offered yourself yesterday to Miss Graham, that she approved your offer, and desired you to visit her guardian?” “That’s the novel in one volume.” “Well, sir, as I came upon. a. like errand I shall remain until Miss Graham arrives, and if she verifies your words, well”â€"with a shrugâ€"“I suppose I must accept the situaâ€" tion." "More fool you! It wouldn’t suit me at all. You can stay if you like,” he said, approaching the door, “but I’m off.” . But at this moment, Mr. Podberry burst into the room, followed by his neice and Jenkins. ‘ “Now, sir! Now, sir!” he splatter-5 ed in his anger; :‘my niece has orâ€" rived in time to hear from your own lipsâ€"” ., “Tom,” cried the young lady, breaking in, “what _ is this uncle tells me?” ‘ "Kate, is what this fellow-eâ€"? “Jones,” cried Podberry, “how dare you interfere? My niece spoke to this gentleman.” "I beg your pardon, ard: “she said "I‘om.’ ” "Well, he is Tom.” "Yes, I’m Tom.” “No, I am Tom.” “Yes,” explained Tom.” "Why, Kate,” cried Podberry, "are you as mad as the rest? You» say he is Tom, yet not an hour ago he told me his name was Leonard.” "Exactly, sir. Tom Lenard, of His Majesty’s Guards.” “What? Son of Dick Leonard, my old chum? Why didn'twjyou say so before?” "You insisted on Jones.” I “'l‘ut, tut! And you came hereâ€"7”. "As-a suitor for the hand of your niCCe.” "Then why say so?" “I thought‘ my letter had made that clear." “Ah! I see. Well, sir, your letter has no doubt fallen into the hands of the gentleman who should have received this. But there," as he handed him ,the letter, "the ogre forâ€" lgives you, but let me advise you to There, Kitty is I, ’, said Leon- K ate, ‘ 'he is calling me on earth didn’t you give me your hand, bOy. yours ” “You forget, also holds some promise from niece ” "From me?” “Yes; he tells me you accepted him yesterday.” "Accepted him?” cried Kate, in ama ement; then, bubbling over with laughter, she added, "So I did. As candidate for the post of gardener and groom." ‘ “And you don’t love him.” "Oh, Tom!” “Well, dear, he assured meâ€".-â€"-” “I beg your pardon, sir; I only told you what the old gentleman read meâ€"-â€"-" “'l‘ut, tut!” said Podberry, crossâ€" ing hastily to him: “you are labor- ing under a delusion, sir. llut there”â€"as he slipped something into hlS hanc-â€"~"you seem a likely young fellow; so, on the understanding that you make no more of these stupid blunders, you may consider yourself engaged. ’ ’ "And, I sir?” asked Leonard. with a sly smile. “Ah!” said the old man, drily; “I must leave you to Kate.”â€"â€"London Titâ€"Bits. sir, this gentleman your GIVE A HELPING HAND. Cockney Tells of Goodfellowship Which Prevails in Canada. All the Englishmen who come to Canada are pot grumblers. Here is a letter from one of them, which tells his millions of fellow Coekneys that there is a camaraderi, a. desire to help one another in this country, which is lacking “at home.” It is in a letter to The London ' Daily Mail : “I landed in Vancouver last winter as an utter stranger, and I was given a start by Messrs. ,Dalton &‘ Eveleigh, architects, simply to keep the wolf from my door. When the building season opened Mr. Horro- bin (a Manchester man and a conâ€" tractor in a large way in this town), engaged me as assistant. "After a time 1 purchased a lot and sufficient lumber for a_ house, which I intended building myself, my savings being expended. "To my great surprise on the Sat- urday following my purchase, entire- ly on their own initiative, nine of my chief’s carpenters found their way out to my place, and working with a system and will the frame was reared, the roof ‘shingled,’ and the siding fixed before they quitted that night, and on the following two Saturdays six men came along and completed my home for me. "Among these workers were Eng- lishmen, Scotchmen, Irishmen, Can- adians and Yankees, and I am being helped in clearing my lot from stumps and stones by a party of Sikhs, who have settled just near me, all giving their services free and urfasked. , - » "l'ihat further evidence can be de- sired to convince one that a welcome awaits wellâ€"meaning Britishers in British Columbia?" “He always was a bad egg, but no- body seemed to notice it while he was rich.” “Yes, he was all right {until he was broke.” I Mtf‘wufdngt THE ARMY HOW THEY SEEK TO GE'I! THEIR DISCHARGE. Two Soldiers Wreck 3. Tobacco- nist’s Shopâ€"Militiamen on a Rampage. Under the presentsystem it is the easiest thing in the world for a man to join the Armyâ€"provided, of course, he possesses the necessary! physical requiremeutsâ€"While, on the other hand, it is quite another mat- tor for him to gain ‘his discharge, ex- Cellt by pucch‘ase, before the expira- tion of his term of service, says Lon- . don Answers. Rather than remain in the ranks. however, men have been known 1:0 go :to extremes, and at the risk of ruin- ing their character, to seek relief from military duty by cominittirg ofâ€" fenms with the object of being fliS‘ missed from the Army. There is the case Of two soldiers 'who, a few years ago, were included in a, draft from a certain regiment, stationed atl’lymouth, ordered to lIndia. The night previous to the draft sailing the men got leave, and, going to one 01 the largest tobacco- :nist’s shops in the town, with the ap- parent intention of purchasing two 'pipes, wrec'ed the premises, in the absence of the assistant. A MINIATURE RAID.“ One of the men swept a number of valuable glass cases and their con-- tents oil' the counter, while his comâ€" :rado played havoc with things in the ‘winLIOW, and broke several panes of :plate glass. 1 ’lhey made ’no attempt to escape. :hut calmly took two chairs and wait- :ed the arrival of the police. it view. liowe-.c-r, a case of the “biter bit," for the magistrates, recognizing the object of the men, handed them over 'to their regiment to be dealt with. ‘The result was that they sailed next day for India, and suffered imprisonâ€" ment on the whole of the voyage out} gan-d for some time after they landed. '- At a courtâ€"martial in a wellâ€"known garrison town, a most extraordinary tnle'was told by two men of a line regiment who had deserted at Gibral- tar, ’l'hey had been arrested two years after the incident, and, in de- fence, snid thev went on board a. shooner anchored off Gibraltar, at the imitation of one of the crew, and that as soon as they got. into the cabin they were attacked and drugged 'and ultimately landed in England : ’l‘hey a'signod no satisfactory rea- ison as to why they were thus used, |un-d the presiding officer took the istory with “a grain of salt,” and :subseqmently, the men got a, couple of 'years’ imprisonment each. ‘ COMEDIANS ON PARADE- ’l‘aken as a body, Militiamen may very fairly be called an easyâ€"going, and contented set. Still, there are occasions when some consider them- selves badly used, and are inclined to become a bit obstinate. The two ?following incidents, which occurred during a recent embodiment of the Militia, emphasise this fact. While a man was being tried by courtâ€"martial at one of our garrison ltowns for overturning a table and lknocking dowu the president of a. Ecourtâ€"mnrtial, a novel scene was be- ing enacted in the square outside. 'l‘he'details of the regiment were asâ€" sembling for when the officers discovered, to their unuiieralble horror and astonishment, -that in the ranks were a couple of men wearing their helmets “behind.| before," and carrying their rifles re- versed. Attached to the breast of one were a, sergeant’s stripes. while a. corp-ornl’s stripes decorated the breast of the other. They looked like a couple of come- dians in n, musicâ€"hall, and the absur~ dity of the occurrence appealed lo the spectators. who laughed heartily. The offence was, of course, a serious one, and the two men, who were immediâ€" ately marched off to the guardâ€"room, had to pay dearly for their folly by a long term of imprisonment. TELL-TALE EYES. Some little time ago the authori- ties were puzzled over the case of a. soldier who confessed to having made a false statement when enlist- ing. His height, tattoâ€"marks, and bodily blemishes agreed with the description of a' soldier who had de- sel‘ted from the Army two years pre- viously, and for whom the authori- ties had looked for in vain. The soldier was made a prisoner. whilst awaiting his trial by court- martial, and when arraigned before the Court he pleaded guilty. The prosecuting officer discovered, a. few minutes before the trial ended, that the color of prisoner’s eyes did not tally with the description of those of the missing man. At first the prisoner withstood the severe crossâ€"examination remarkably well, stating that the recruiting- oflicer must have written down the wrong color of his eyes when he first enlisted in the Army. In the end, however, he confessed that he had never deserted from the Service, but that he wanted to leave it. He admitted having met the man whom he professed to be, and who had actually deserted from the Army a few months previously, and- for a few shillings the deserter ac- companied him to a place where he had precisely similar tattooâ€"marks printed on his owu body. He had, however, forgotten to ob~ serve the color of the eyes of the man who was trying to assist him "out of the Army'," and that over.- sight lost him his chanse. Antsy 4,5. M as . .p the morning’s parade, - - 5.. .w- . ,- r , .n ._ 5 ' ffir‘v Sir-rig A‘ ‘ w-.\““4'1e~w<v ‘.: .. '3 . , L,‘