Lake Scugog Historical Society Historic Digital Newspaper Collection

North Ontario Observer (Port Perry), 18 Mar 1875, p. 1

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' Core ints ; il sada VOL. X : FL Gg FAMILY. NE / : vtec fg PUNLISHED AT PORT PERRY, a B! " BAIRD & PARSONS. ba RAVASRIC i TERME. L$I' per unum, if paid in ad i v avnce ; if not $1.50 will be charged. No W h b! subscription taken for less than six months; AXLES and no paper discontinued until all arrears are 2 BR .-.r -'++ "Por each rst insertion ... Subsequent insertions, per line Cards, under 6 lines, per annum . ws v4 in ADVERTISING. ed, will be at our risk. VW as antil fordid and charged aiccodingly. ri half-year. These terms will in all cases be WY pre adhered to. Job Department. Phamplets, Hand Bills, Posters, home with them. J. BAIRD. H. PARSONS. A -------------------------------- Professional Cards. . ) JONES, NM D,, Coroner, Physician, e. . Surgeon, 3 Ye Port Perry. "OMmee, over Allison's Drug Store, Queen-st. , Residence--One door west of the Presby terian Church. WARE, Coropor for the County of y DS, Surgeon and Ac- 'hysician, coucheur, Prince Albert. J. geon and Accoucheur. PORT PERRY. Office over Nott's Furniture Store, corner of Queen and Perry Streets. Office hours from ' # a. m. to 12 m. i Residence, the dwelling recently occupied by Mrs. Geo. Paxton RS. MCGILL & RAE, Physeians, Surgeons, D &e., &¢, Office and Residences, King st., 'Oshawa, WM. M'GILL, M,D, M. F. McBRIEN, M.D., M. R. C., 8,, Guy's Hospital, London, England. The kye R. hy H. Ly Oshawa,' C E. MARTIN, M. D. Simcoe St., Twodoors N North of thé Central Hotel, - Oshawa. E. FAREWELL, LL. B., County Crown . Attorney for Ontario, Barrister, Attorney, Solicitor, and Notary Public. Office lacely oc- Cochrane, Esq., Brock street, eupled by 8. H. Whitby. YMAN L. ENGLISH. LL. B., Solicitor in Chancery, Attorney, Conveyancer, &C. Oshawa. Oflce--Simcoe street, opposite the Post Office. G. torney-at-Law, and Insolvency, Notary Public, &e. Offige--MeMiilan's Block, Brock street, Whitby. AMERON & 'MACDONNELL, Barristers and Attorneys at Law, Solicitors County Council, Ontario. Offices : Court House, 'Whitby. #0, camerox, hancery. Port Perry. 'W. Maurice Cochrane, | TTORNEY-AT-LAW, Solicitor in Chan- cery. Notary Public, &c., &o. Office hours punctually from 9 a.m. fo 5 p.m. Loan at 8 per cent, on all Money to. Los kinds of good security. \ Office, Bigelow's Royal Arcade, PORT PERRY. GC, N. VARS, L. D. 8. . 'est, and as good as | with Gold and Silver. Av A v on _ CHAS. THORN, V8. 3 EMBER of the Veterinary Institute, Ys , 111, Gold Medalist for the' best 'ex on: oh Horse Practice. Author of a First Prize Essay on Shoeing. Gradu- sted Nept. 16, 1867, -'s + "Pr. "Thora begs to announce that he has taken up hib residence at Port Perry, and is now: to treat all cases entrusted to his the most' skillful and scientific ~ mannér. ~All orders left at the Medical Hall ort Ja! OFFICIAL ASSIGNEE. erry, Oct, 28, 1873. for, of Ontario. = Any business a entrayfed Shasgs will be carefily at- |, ' ALR.A; Huid's Law Ofics, vended fos }{ | | Nov. 13, 1874 Fe neem 3 fo Gon, erg Ommee Hors | gol cRRISIE, 3 1 EY, id 3 any. Su Pe 1, NO. 12.1 HENRY GRIST, Hull" Gof' Sbstruer. 'WEEKLY WSPAPER, EVERY THURSDAY MORNING, p@~ Letters containing money, when ad- dressed to this Office, pre. paid and regester- Advertisments measured by Nonpareil, aud charged according to the space they ac-- Advertisments (received for publication, "without specific instructons, will be heart 0 advertisment will be taken out until paid for. A liberal discount' allowed to Merchants and others who advertise by the year or Pro- grammes, Bill Heads, Blank Forms, Reccipt Books, Checks, Books, Circulars, Business Cards, Ball Cards, &c., of every style and tor, ¢xceuted promptly and at lower rates ofan any other establishment in the County. p&¥™ Parties from a distance getting hand bills, &c. printed can have them donc to take H. SANGSTER, M. D,, Physician, Sur- FRANCIS RAE, M,D. YOUNG SMITH, LL. B., Barrister, At- Solicitor in Chancery, H. J. MACDONNELL. A. HURD, Attorney at Law, and Solicitor P. Ai Chancery: "Gio in the Hoyal Arcade, ETH inserted on all the latest princi- leg ofthe art, and as cheap as the cheap- as the best: Tecth filled Teeth extracted without pain by producing local anamsth- esis, | Déutigal Rdoms--in Cowan's new block, 'over Atkinson's Drug. Store, King {i¥ol, Oawy. . of Mr Allison, will receive prompt attention. tet Veterinary Stables may be found of Whitby, has been ap-|. PATENT SOLICITOR AND DRAUGHTOMAN, - OTTAWA, CANADA, Transucts business with the Patent Office and' other departments of the Government Copyrights aud the Registration of Trade Marks and Designs procured. Drawings, Specifications, and other Documents neces. sary to secure Patents of Invention, prepared 'on receipt of the model of the Invention, er Auctioneers. W. M. WILLCOX, _ LICENSED ; r NN AUCTIONEER, FOR THE COUNTY OF ONTARIO. AND TOWNSHIPS OF MARIPOSA &. CARTWRIGHT, EGS to thank his many friends and the public generally, for the liberal patron- age bestowed upon him for the past five years. Having now given up the business of Bailiff, I intend, in future, to devote my whole time to the business of Auctioneer, Collecting, &c. It will be my endeavor, by prompt and careful attention to business, to give full satisfaction to all who may favor me with their Sales or Collecting. Bi'ls draughted and Blank Notes furnished free of charge. Also Bill Stamps always on hand. Arrangements can be made for sales &c., at the Opserver Office, and at the Standard Office, Port Perry. W. M. WILLCOX, Prince Albert, Oct. 25, 1873. Wm. Gordon, Licensed Auctioneer, Valuator, &e. NOR the Township of Brock, Uxbridge, F Scott, Thorah, Rama, Mara, Mariposa and Eldon, B&F Parties entrusting their Sales to me may rely on the utmost attention being given to their interests. WM. GORDON, Sunderland, Brock. THOS. H. WALSHE. ICENSED Auctioneer for the Township 4 of Brock, Thorah, Mara & Rama in North Ontario ; Mariposa, etc., in the County of Victoria. Residence--Cannington, Brock. Orders left at this office, or at his residence will be punctnally attended to. Debts col- lected in Cannington, or otherwise, and prompt remittances made. Remerber-- WALSHE, the North Ontario Auction- DEY 0 STEAM MARBLE WORKS: J. & R. V7". 'ONDEN, HOLESALLE and Retail dealers in Foreign and American Marble Man-- tles, Monuments, &c., Dundas 8t , Whitby. Also, Agent for the Scottish Granite. Also Building Stone cut to order. JOHN NOTT, Agent, Port Perry. Whitby, July 29, 1874. 3 John McDonald, MARBLE DEALER! NEWCASTLE, ONT. ONUMENTS, Tomb-Tables, Head- Stones of great variety, with every de- scription of Marble Work, suitable for Cems eterics, supplied at short notice. Also Peterhead and Aberdeen Granite. | pes Parties will find it to their advan- tage to withhold their orders until called on by . J. C. WILLIAMSON, AGENT. Satisfaction guaranteed, and all work war- ranted, January 10, 1872, R. RICHARDSON, Re-appointed Issuer of Marriage Licenses Under the New Act. Office, Iot 10, in the 1st con. Brock. Brock, Aug. 5,1874. 33 = OF DIVISION COURTS County of Ontario, FOR TIE YEAR 1875. | The bar supplied with the best wines, liquors | novation and been fitted up with a view to por PERRY HOUSE, P ° RT PERRY, JAS. V. THOMPSON, - PROPRIETOR. The above House is now most comfort- ably furnished; and Guests are cared for in the Home Style. Good Liquors and Cigars, also, first class Stabling and good Ostlers,-- Additions have been made which make: this the largest and best House in this section of country. Fare $1.00 per Day. Ti WIC BUSA usoxs DOMINION HOTEL, At the Railway Station, PORT PERRY. Every attention given to the accommoda- tion and comfort of guests. The table and bar supplied with the best the Market af fords. Choice Liquors and the best brands of Cigars. . Excellent stable and shed ac- commodation, and attentive ostlers; D. B. DENISON, Proprietor. Qos HOTEL, PORT PERRY. JAMES DEWART, - PROPRIETOR. The Subscriber having leased this excels lent Hotel ahd fitted it up with a view to the comfort of guests and the accommoda- tion of the general public, will be glad to welcome old friends and new to take part in the hospitality of the Queen's. The. Table carefully supplied, Choice Liquors and Cigars in the Bar, the Yard and Stables punctually attended to. Tho Queen's is conveniently situated a fow rods west of the Post Office. JAMES DEWART, Port Perry, Nov. 11,71873. "oo A NGLO-AMERICAN HOTEL, PRINCE ALBERT, ONT. By EZRA BATES. - The comfort of guests carefully attended to. The Table and Bar well supplied. Choice Liquors and the best brands of i Stabling and attentive Ostlers. iris fa EZRA BATES, Anglo-American Hotel, Proprietor. July 15, 1874. . REVERE HOUSE, MAN A. TENNYSON, Proprietor. The Revere House is decidedly one of the best and most comfortable country Hotels in the Province and is situated in a most con- venient position for the traveling public.-- Stages to and from Uxbridge, Utica and Ep- som, call here daily. The Subscriber, since becoming proprietor, has had the premises thoroughly repaired and will spare neither labor nor expense in making the Revere House a comfortable transient home for travelers, and for the re- freshment of guests. The table and bar supplied with the best the market supplies Good stables and tentive ostlers, NYSON, Proprietor. MANCHESTER. JAMES T. HEARD, ProprieTon. Good accommodations. Careful attention fo the requirements of travelers and guests. The bar supplicd with the best Liquors aud | Cigars. Good Stabling. Manchester, Jul, 1874. 30 (er HOTEL, GREENBANK. R. McRAE, PROPRIETOR. The above hotel has undergone a thorough renovation, and has been fitted up with a view to the comfort and convenience of the traveling public. Suict attention paid to the table and the bar, -Comfortable stables | and an attentive ostler. { Greenbank, March 25, 1874. Aree HOUSE, ai UTICA. J, DAFOE, PROPRIETOR. Good accommodadions. Careful attention to the requircments.of travelers and guests. and cigars. Good stabling. ey HOTEL, WHITBY. A. MASON, - PROPRIETOR. This Hotel has undergone a thorough re- the comfort and convenience of the traveling public. Every attention paid to the table dnd bar, while obliging and attentive Ostlers will have charge of the stables. 'Wintby, June 20, 1870. WESTERN ASSURANCE COM#'Y of TORONTO. Incorporated... Capital - $400,000. . Hon. John McMurrich. ...U. Magrath, Esq. .Bernard Haldan, Esq. JAMES PRINGLE, General Agent. THE ONTARIO FARMERY Mutual Insurance Company. Vice-President. Secretary is now fully organized and is Whithy, Jan. 1, 1875. Valuable Real Estate for Sale. ACRES of Lot 17, in the 5th conces- 9 sion of the Township of Reach, situated between Prince Albert and Port Perry, well ) | suited for Fruit and Gardening Also, 8 acres in the Village of Port Perry adjoining R. Lund's property, ' Also, a House with § ofan acre of land attached, in the village of frince Albert, For particulars, apply ' oF punt LUTHER HURD, } a1 plals FINE = 'reels lElIZ]|E 128158 gid nE|E 5] 1812 1 This C a af 2a ala Whitby... | J 1 i JEAN ; } i als Pot ey [Phnlaa ®l0al | hia) wi Cannin 1228) {14]16 9|1310,15 LL [2% | in [1g Mara, T, Hall .. 125 18 15 117 GEO. H. DARTNELL, Junior Judge. New Marriage Act. prepared to accept risks on Farm Buildings and their contents, country School Houses and Churches, Those wishing to insure and thereby support a Home Insurance Company have now an opportunity of doing so, either by applying to the Head: Office, or to any of the local Agents of the Company. Our rates will be found as low as those of any respon- sible Mutual Insurance Company in Canada. Head Office--Opposite the Royal Hotel, Brock St, Whitby L. FAIRBANKS, Jn. Secretary. MRS. L. M. COOK, 12 HAIR DRESSER, Switches, Braids, Frizzets, Curls, And Comb= ings, aud Hair Jewelry Manufactured. Rooms, over Mr. Nott's Furniture Ware~ rooms, corner Queen and Perry Streets. Port Perry, Nov, 18, 1874. 47 Port Perry, July lst, 1874. ] procuauaTioN 1" "A MERRY XMAS T0 ALL! I now take great pleasure in thanking my patrons and friends for the very liberal support they have accorded me in the past, and hope by closely attending to their wants to merit a continuance of the same. ¢ much pleasure in showing niy new Stock of | AS Silver Plat- ed Goods. Tea Setts, Cruits, Cake Baskets, Butter Coolers, Mugs, Gongs, Napkin Rings, Tea Spoons, Table Spoons, Tea Kbives; Dinner Katy g 'I'éa and Dinner Forks, - Butter Knives, Pickle Forks, Toast Racks, &c., &c, &ec., I havenow I G00DS Consisting in part, as follows : Sleighs. Skates, Bells, Toys, ll Stana Lamp. 7 { Side Brackets, 05 Hall Pendants 7 1,2, 3 and 4 light Chanda liers, Larger sizes got to order, Again wishing you the best compliments of the scason. I remain, Very truly yours, Port Perry, Dec. 24, 1875. PHOTOGRAPHS FOR ALL, AND PERFECT PICTURES SECURED AT MCKENZIE & SCOTT'S . PHOTOGRAPH GALLERIES! Orposite Walker Hous > PortPerry. 7 ITH the view of supplying the great demand for their much admired Photographs, the Subscribers have--regard- less of expense--so fitted up their Galleries and introduced such Instruments as will at all times secure PERFECT PICTUR Their thorough knowledge of every de-- partment of the Art, acquired in some of the best Galleries on this continent, together with their excellentGalleries and superior in- struments, give them facilities enjoyed by few for produci those beautiful Photo- graphs ad p 1 who sce them, By skilfully retouching the negatives the most handsome photographs are produced in every instance, . Their Galleries are stocked with a choice assortment of First Class Albums, Picture Frames, Stereoscopic Instruments, the 1Minest Chromos, and specimen Photographs in end. less variety. A cordial welcome is extended to all to visit our Galleries and inspect our Stock. McKENZIE & SCOTT. Port Perry, Dec. 10, 1873. 51 PORT PERRY LIVERY STABLES, Cc. MKENZIE, PROPRIETOR HE Subscriber having now fully equipped hig new and extensive Livery Stables with a supply of superior Horses and Carriages, is prepared to furnish first class LIVERY RICS On Moderate Terms. C. MCKENZIE. 3M Port Perry, Aug. 6, 1873. TO THE INHABITANTS OF NORTHERN REACH THE PLACE TO BUY YOUR Dry Goods, Groceries, Clothing, Boots dnd Shoes, : Hardware, Tinware, Stationery, Patént Medicines, &e¢., . : 18 AT THE . Greenbank Store. _ | GEO. FLINT, Greenbank, July 20, 1873. 44 | Manchester, Nov. 12, 1873. WV. TT PARRIAH. MONEY TO LOAN ! MORTCACES WANTED. thseribers have large sums of mon- ced in their hands for investment on in d Farms, Village Properties, and othe surities in this and Sljoining Counties at the lowest current rates of interest. As we have funds on hand at all times Borrowers candep nd on getting their money with the redst possible delay. WANTED TO PURCHASE, Any number of Mortgages for which the high- est figures will be allowed. Weare also appraisers for tha Canada Per- manent Building Society, the pest and largest Monetary Insti Paid up Capital $1,500,000, re-payable in from 2 to 20 years. Lands Bought and Sold. Sy atic anada. Instalments eral good farms for sale. nts for several first class Fire In surance Conipanies. Cofretions made «nd a general agcney busi- ness transacted. Zr DEBENTURES BOUGHT. ~%X JOIN & DAVID J. ADAMS, General Agents, Office in Mr, Ross' Ontario Buildings, Port Perry. Pert Perry, Oct. 11, 1872, MONEY T0 LEAD! The undersigned has any amount of Moncey to lend upon Farm and Town Property, at Unusually Low Rates of Interest! Loans can be repaid in any manner to suit the borrower. Also several Improved Farms, and Wild Lands for sale, cheap. Investments made in Municipal Deben- tures, Bank and other marketable Stocks, Apply to JAMES HOLDEN, Official Assignee, Broker, &e. Orrice--Over the Dominion Bank, McMil- lan's Block, Brock st., Whitby. Whitby, April 10, 1873. WANTED ! O PURCHASE, Promissory Notes, both over dve and yet to become due, ac- counts, Judgments and Mortgages, Apply personally to W. M. COCHRANE, Port Perry. MONEY | MONEY ONEY TO LOAM at 8 per cent interest on Real Estate, P. A. HURD. Port Perry, March 12, 1874. + 1 MONET = [Private Funds,) To Loan on good Farms, at 8 per cent in- terest, 5 LYMAN ENGLISH, BARRISTER, &C., . { Oshawa, November, 21, 1866. 14 MONEY! MONEY ! MORE MONEY ! The Subscriber would intorm all in want of Money that he is prepared to negotiate Loans with the Trust and Loan Society of -Toronto, for any amount of money from $400 AND UPWARDS, On Mortgage Security on Town or Farm Property. The interest is only 8 per cent. No Commission charged, and Loans pro- cured without delay. JOHN TAYLOR. 4 LUGGAGE TAKEN TO AND FROM THE STATION *" AND AROUND TOWN. The Subscriber is prepared to convey HE CHARLES -having b a0 pointed - Marriage - * License years duty) continues ¢ 2 Chests, Trunks, Boxes and every other de- ion of Lu ggage to or from the Railwa, Station or anywhere around town. All Orders promptly moderate.' J. COOK. Port Perry Jan, 1st, 1874, B AND GENERAL ADVER © TIS ER. "Getting Square" on the Judge. An amusing incident occured in a court room, about a year ago, in the United States. His Honor was a man well stricken in years, yet he could ride a race, shoot a rifle, and shuffle and deal as well as the best man in the mines, and he who pre- sumed to trifle with the dignity of the Court generally suffered. His Honor was seated, and the case about to be commenced, when, in a voice of thunder the sheriff proclaimed silence. There was a pause; the judge looked over aut the prisoner who bad not yet uncovered his head. The Court could not brook such. dis- respect to its dignity, and his Honor called out in an authoritive tone,-- 'Mr Sheriff; remove that gentleman's hat' That functionary, who bad until now stood in a corner, leaning upon a rifle, stepped up and politely knocked oft the offender's hat with that murderous instrument, where- upon the prisoner seized the hat,and clapping it upon his head exclaimed 'Judge, I am bald I" ¢ Mr Sheriff,' said the indignant Court, struct you to remove that hat." The order was immediately executed,and no sooner dono tham the prisoner replaced the bat on his head again, insisting thau he was bald. The ot fended judge now waxed warm and rising up in his seat, said, "I fine you five dollars tor contempt ot court --to be committed until the fine is paid." The prisoner was thunder- struck. Ile deliberately walked up to the judge, and laying down a half dollar stamp before his honor, in a selemn manner thus gave his views: 'Your sentence, Judge, is most un- gentlemanly, but the law is impera- tive, and I will have to stand it; so here are four bits, and the four dol- lars and a half that you owed me when we stopped playing poker this morning just makes us square.' Captain Ward of Portsmouth, was an eccentric of the first water, and one of his pecularities was that he never gaye a direct question --An amusing instance of this evasive habit is related. One morning four of his friends, who were aware of this wait in his charecter, observed the Captain going to market, and after some bantering, entered into a bet as to the practicability of learn-- ing from him the price, he paid for his purchase. They accordingly settled the preliminary, and station- ing themselves at different points along the street which he must pass on his way home, awaited his com- ing. Very soon the bluff old gentle- man made his appearance with sever- al pigeons in his hand. As he ap- proached, the first questioner accost. edhim with: 'Good morning, Cap- tain! What do you give for pigeons this morning ?° 'Money,' said the Captain bluntly, as he passed up street. ~The second gentleman, a little further on, addressed him and asked 'How go pigeous this morning, Captain ?' ¢ They don't go at all; I carry them !" was the equ. ally unsatisfactory reply. Shortly after he met the third, who asked time of the day and enquired : ' How much are pigeons a dozen, Captain ?' ¢ Didn't get a dozen--only bought half a dozen ! said the old gentleman still plodding on his way. . Finally, the fourth and last of the conspira- tors cottened to the wary old salt by observing in the blandest tones: ¢ A fine lot of pigeons have there, cap- tain'! what did you get them for ?'-- ¢ To eat!' wus the pertinent and em- phatic rejoinder, and the captain reached home without further mol- estation. -------------- PurriNg 1m DELICATELY. --An Ir- ishman who had been doing some work for a gentleman was given a small portion of whiskey. This he speedily swallowed. He thenlooked at the glass and said, 'Can yer honor tell why they make thim glasses so nate?" The gentleman gave him in- formation how glass was blown.-- ¢ Arrah, sure, thin,' said Paddy, ¢ he must have been mighty short i' the wind that blew that glass.' Real Secotch--(overheard in the Highlands)--First real Scotchman : 'Can you play the fiddle, Tonald ?' Second real Scotchman : 'No; nor the flute tool' When a Philadelphia critic wishes to be very expressive, he compli- ments & dramatic star by saying that she shines like a brass tack in an old hair trunk.' J A Baltimore man was "delivered of an address." { The sentinal who did not sleep on him 2 the saw- ek, and | Pile of wood. brokers. His mistake was 3 r ; Soriiake' x Avoid annoyance ; be cautious and | wife who elt Padi rale A dressmaler's apprentice speaks | ingly, Tt js not safe to trample on [ling with animag g bind of her cross-eyed lover as the fellow | so humble a thing as & bit of orange | about there ng enongh cover 'whose looks are cut bias. peel. bn the bed. rR v g : : - . Td pA EE 3 RATA REGEN 'we in- | his watch had it left at the pawn- PORT PERRY, PROVINCE OF ONTARIO, THURSDAY, MARCH 18, 1875. He Thought it was Delerium Tremens. (From the New Brunswicker.) Snifflesgbrought his two weeks' spreo to a close on Thursday vight. He lay on a lounge in the corner feeling as mean as sour lager, when something in the corner of the room attracted his attention. Raising on his elbow he gazed steadily at it.-- Rubbing his eyes he stared again, and as he stared his terror grew. Cal- ling his wife he asked hoavsely : 'Mirandy, what is that ?' 'What is what, Likey ?' ; Sniffles' name is Lycurgus, and his wife calls him Likey for short and sweet. 'Why that--that--thing ip the corner,' said the frightened man, pointing at it with a hand shaking like a politician. 'Likey, dear, I see 'nothieg,' said his wife. 'What, do.'t you see it,' he shriek- ed. 'Then, I've got em. Oh, heav- ens | bfing me the Bible. Mirandy, bring it quick | Here, bere on this sacred book Tswear never to touch another drop of whiskey. IfIbreak my vow, may my right hand cleave to my mouth, and--' Here, catching another glimpse of the terrible object, he clutched his wife and begged in piteous tones : ¢ Don't leave me, don't leave your Likey, and burying bis face in the folds of her dress he sobbed and moned himself to sieep. Then his wife gently stole to the corner, picked up a toy snake and threw it into the stove. ---eo-- tb A Sad Experience. (From the Detroit Free Press.) After shaking bands at a ferry | dock the other day, one colored man | inquired of another : . 'Didn't you marry de widow Smith 'bout de fust ot January ?' ¢ Dat's me,' was the answer, 'but | I'se done left her. | "Who ! how'sdat ?' + Well, de fust week sho call me (honey ; de next week she sulked around and call me Ole Richards; de third week she cum for me with 'a flat iron and broke two ribs, and {I'm gwine to keep right away from dar? | No more amusing anecdote is told |ot Artemus Ward than the follow: | ing :(-- One day while traveling in the cars and feeling miserably, and dreading to be bored by strangers, a man took a seat heside him and presently said : -- 'Did you hear the last thing on Horace Greeley ?' 'Greeley--Greeley ?' said Artemus 'Horace Greeley ? Who is he ?' The man was quiet about five minutes. Pretty soon he said :-- "George Francis Train is kicking up a good deal of row over in Enge land. Do you think they will put him in a Bastile ?' ¢ Train--Train? George Francis Train 2' said Artemus, solemnly. -- 'I never heard of him ?' . This ignorance kept the man quiet for fifteen minutes; then he said : 'What do you think of General Grant's chances for the Presidency ? 'Grant--Grant ? Hang it, man,' said Artemus, 'you appear to know more strangers than any man I ever saw.' 3 * You confounded ignoramus, did you ever hear of Adam ?' Artemus looked up and said 'What was his other name ?' Mrs. Lovit, ot Springfield, Mass., has forced her husband and three grown up sons to take board at a neighbor's, as she finds it impossible to find time for housework while the Tilton-Beecher trial is going on. She is a slow reader and gets up at daylight. Even in the saloons, opinions up- on grave subjects are expressed for. cibly. A gentleman slightly unde: the influence of the intoxicating bowl furnished proof of this fact, a night or two ago." 'Whiskey, zur,' he said, 'hic--brigitens the intellect It ought to be introduced into tle public schools, zur.' ; Millionaires are called "rich men" in New York, and none others may expect this felicitous title. A halt 'millionaire is said to be "well offund independent." A $250,000 man is "'very comfortable." Place the fig- ures at $100,000 and the owner is a "small man ;"" under $50,000 he is "poor" while a $25,000 man is such a poor devilas to be unworthy of mention, Mark Twain says the Sandwich Islanders are generally as unlettered as the other side of a tombstone. WHOLE NO, 893 ; The best way to play. billinds is to sit in a high chair and make re- marks, because then you are c:etiin to win, however the balls may cir- culate. Another $25,000 cow will never more be bothered by - blueflies in this world the Fourth Duchess of Oneida has been driven home by the Angel of Death. : It is noted that all grout bumoi- ists are sober and sedate with a mel- ancholy cast of conntenance, It is 8 rather serious business to be funny. « Is is time to stop tulking about the softening influences of women. A Massachusetts man who has had four wives has just been seut to the pen- itentary for stealing horses. If you should tell a Vermont man that carrying six black beans in his vest pocket wouldn't keep contage- ousdizeases awuy, he would set you down as as one who believed the world was flat. Forbearence 1s not always a virtue even in a clergyman. Imagine the teelings of a rural devine who, after getting fifty cents for marrying a couple, found that the bridegroom had gone off with his new silk hat, Sunday-school teacher to pupil-- 'Now, my little man, can you tell us the cause of Adam's fall 2' Little man (emphatically)--¢ Yes, sir; cause he hadn't any ashes to throw on the sidewalk.' Josh Billings says: If you are go- ing to give a man anything give it to him cheerfully and quick don't make him go down on his knees in front of you and listen to the ten com- mandments and then give him five cents.' A Dubuque boy was rather troubl- ed for fear that Le would not know his father wheu they both reached heaven but his mother eased him by remarking : * Ali you will bave to look for is an angel with a red nose on him. In the Roundout Methodist church' on a recent Sunday morning the us-* ual donning of overcoats was pro- ceeding witn amid considerable con- fusion, but had not been completed when the pastor, Rev. J. J. Dean, arose to pronounce the benediction. He paused a wioment and said :-- 'Brethren, I guess I will put on my overcoat hereafter during the bene- diction, 80 us not to lose any time.' A gentleman in want of a _house- keeper tried an odd experiment.-- He sent out two advertisements, one for a lady of education and elegant manners, qualitied to act as a com- panion as well as Louse-keeper, and was overwhelmed with replies. The ouly requirement in theother adver- tisement was that the lady should be p'ain in features, but not a solitary applicant appeared to answer that appeal, 'Eat your bread, Charles--do not fling it away,' said a learned and good Judge to one of his family ad- ding, 'for who knows in the vicissi- tudes of this life, if you may not someday want it.' The old yentle- man had to cough, looked learned und go away, when the youngster answered logically, 'If I eat it how can I have it when 1 want it 2 This is the result of a learned judge bav- ing children, One of the boys just before return- ing to Cornell, the other day, sent a young lady triend of his a cake of Lubin's finest variety of toilet soap, with the request that she would draw no inference on receiving such agift. The next day the young man was somewhat ustonished when Le re- ceived a lotter from the young lady. containing the presunt of a finetooth comb, with the request that he would draw no inference therefrom. Bishop Ames tells a story of a slave master in Missouri, in the old- en time of negro vassaluge, who said to his chatiel: 'Pompey, 1 hear you ave a great preacher.' 'Yes, massa, deLord help u @ pow cr.ul sometimes.' 'Well, Pompey, dou't you think the negroes steal little things on tee plantation ?' 'I'se mighty 'fraid they does, massa." 'Then Pompey, I want you to preach a sermon to the negroes ugainst stealing.' After a briefreflection, Pompey repleid :-- ' You see, massa, dat wouldn't never do, cause 'twould trow such a cool- ness over de meeting." i The green Grass. grows in the meadow, ga spread over it a thin layer of Bearing, and the tiny blades will shoot ups wards, and grow far more luxuriently 3 before. Try the same experiment vpn one bair and the effect is still more marked ; th hair grows vigorous and seems to find in Bearine all the ingredients to support 'His An Idaho gentleman i [selt hung his pperel nipped red on.a buck, and reti: tic SR mia i

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