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¥ © VOL. XVIII, NO. 8.1 kd¥aam ont Li > PORT PERRY, dT yg. Dio RE A -- Hiortly Ontario Obgeruer, : SATE 3) LR 3 . POLITIOAL, AGRICULTURAL, abe ido AR FAMILY NEWSPAPER, btn 18 PUBLISHED &7 Ypo RT PERRY, EVERY THURSDAY MORNING, "BAIRD & "PARSONS. TERMS --$1 For anon, if paid in ad- avacs; if not $1.50 will he charged. No aul : for less than six months; P ntinued until all arrears 4 Joslyn TL oh RATES OF ADVERTISING For each first insertion , ,.,...,$0 08 Born PRs per line. He - 02 Cards, under 6 lines, per annum, .,, . + 8 00 BEF" Letters gontaining money, when ade dressed to this Office, pre-paid and regester- ed, will be at our risk, Advertisments measured. hy Nonpareil, aud charged according to the space they ac--- cupy. . . Advertisments received for Di iasion, without specific instructions, will be inse: until fordid apd charged accordingly. No Advertisment Will be taken out until paid for. A liberal discount allowed to Merchants and others who' advertise by the year or half-year, 805 Thess terms will in all cpses be a - '¥ Job. Department. Phimp! Hand Bills, Posters, Pro- apes, Heads, Blank Forms, Receipt Books, Checks, Books, Circulars, Business| Lards, Ball Cards, &c., of every style and woolor, executed promptly and at lower rates #han any other establishment in the County. p&@y™ Parties from a distance getting hand ills, &e. printed can have them done to take ome with them, J. BAIRD, H. PARSONS. Professional Cars. JON M. oN. &e. Port Perry. R. Residence--Ofice door West of the Presby erian Church. 4 D, Coremcr, Physician, --_-- R. WARE, Coronhor for the County of Donan Phystelan, Surgeon and Ac-1 .oucheur, Prince Albert. H. SANGSTER, M. D., Physician, Sur- J « Beon and Accoucheur, Coroner for the County of Ontario PORYT PERRY. Office over Nott's Furniture Store, corner of Queen and Perry Streets, Office hours from 9a. m. to 12 m. Residence, the dwelling recently occupied ®y Mrs. Geo, Paxton. RS. MOGILL & RAE, Phiysclans, Surgeons, PE. Co TORRE) ome, Kingst, * Oshawa, SM. M'GILL, M,D. FRANCIS RAE, M,D, y M. F. McBRIEN, M.D, M. B. (. 8, Guy's ou Hospital, London, Engléud. fhe liye R. if iy Oshawa, E. MARTIN, M. D.Simcoe St., Twodoors «North of thé Central totel, Oshawa. E. FAREWELL, LL. B,, County Crow al Attorney for Ontario, Barrister, Attorney, Solicitor, and Notary Public. Office lately oc- gupled by S. H. Cochrane, Esq., Brock street, Whitby, YMAN L. ENGLISH, LL. B,, Solicitor in Chancery, Attorney, Conveyancer, &c. Oshawa. OMce--Simcoe street, opposite the Post OMce. 1 YOUNG SMITH, LL. B., Barrister, At-| . torney-at-Law, Solicitor in Chajicory, | and Insolvency, Notary Publie, &e. .OMee--MeMiilan's Block, Brock street, Whitby. AMERON & 1 and Attorneys at Law, Solicitors County Council, Ontario. Offices : Court House, Whitby. H, J. MACDONNELL. MACDONNELL, Barristers HM. C, CAMERON, : Attorney at Law, and Solicitor PL. EERE A Office Ip the Royal Arcade, Port Perry. . 'W. Maurice Cochrane, TTORNEY-AT-LAW, Solicitor in Chan- cery, Notary Public, &c., &c. .©ffice hours punctudlly from 9 a.m. to 5 p,m. Money to, Loan at 8 per cent, on all 'kinds of: gpd skojrity. Office, Bigelow's Royal Arcade, PORT PHRRY. C. N. VARS, L. D. 8. [EETH inserted on all the latest princi- ples of the art, and as cheap as the cheap- est, and as as the best. Tecth filled .with Gold and Hilver. Teeth extracted withopt pain by producing local anmsth- esia. Dostical Rooms--in Cowan's new . 2 a | may rely on the utmost attention being given WALSHE, the North Ontario Auctiop- J eer, HENRY GRIST 1 9 PATENT SOLICITOR AND DRAUGHTSMAN, OTTAWA, CANADA, TPransacts business with the Patent Office and other departments of the Government. Copyrights and the Registration of Trade Marks and Designs ured. Drawings, Specifications, and other D neces- sary to secure Patents of Invention, prepared on receipt of the model of the Invention, Suctioneers, LICENSED wry & AUCTIONEER, FOR THE COUNTY OF ONTARIO. AND TOWNSHIPS OF MARIPOSA & OARTWRIGHF, EGS to thank his many friends and the B public generally, for the liberal patron. age bestowed upon him for the past five years. Having now given up the business of Bailiff, T intend, in fyture, to devote my whole time to the business of Auctioneer, Collecting, &c. It will be my endeavor, by prompt and sgtisfaction to all who may favor me with their Sales or Collecting. *Bi'ls draughted and Blank Notegfurpished free of charge. Also Bill Stamps always ox haad. Arrangements can be made for sales &c., at the Onserver Office, and at the Standard Office, Port Perry, WLM WILLCOX, Prince Albert, Oct. 25, 1873. Wm. Gordon, A v , &e. OR the Township of Brock, Uxbridge, | F Scott, Thorah, Rama, Mara, Mariposa | and Eldon, 2 | pay Parties entrusting their Sales to me to their interests. 'WM. GORDON, Sunderland, Brock. THOS. H. WALSHE. ICENSED Auctioneer for the Towrship | L of Brock, Thorah, Mara & Rama in | North Ontario; Mariposa, etc., in the County | of Victoria. Residence--Cannington, Brock, ! Orders left at this office, or at his residence will be punctnally attended to, Debts col- leeted in Cannington, or otherwise, and rompt i made. Ri 1 W. M, WILLOOX, i careful attention to business, to give full |- AND ¢ EN ERAL ADVERTISER PROVINCE OF ONTARIO, THURSDAY, JAN, 13.1876, == THE WALKER HOUSE pas Subscriber embraces this opportunity of returning his sincere thanks to his numerous patrons for the liberal and con- stantly i ing pat which has sion of the a > accommodations titl now THE WALKER HOUSE whether for extent or quality of accommo- dations is equalled by few Hotels in the Province and surpassed by none out of the cities. Commercial Travelers, the Traveling Publie, Farmers and others doing business in the Village and the general public will ~ find in THE WALKER HOUSE all that ean be required in the matter of accommodation and moderation in charges. The Charges are No Higher at the Walker House than at any other Hotel in Town. Fhe House is fitted up throughout in FIRST CLASS . STYLE. The Tables and Bar supplied with the choice of the market and the utmost atten~ tion paid to the convenience and comfort of ALL GUESTS, An abundance of comfortable Btable and Shed accommadation, and attentive hostlers. i T, WALKER, | Port Perry, Sept 1, 1875. 38 Per PERRY HOUSE, PORT PERRY. JAS. V. THOMPSON, - PROPRIETOR. The above House is now most comfort- ably furnished, and Guests are cared for in the Home Style. Good Liquors and Cigars, also, first class Stabling and good Ostlers,-- Additions have been made which maker this the largest and best House in this section of country. Fare $1.00 per Day. T)Fuisons "DOMINION HOTEL, At the Railway Station, PORT PERRY. Bvery attention given to the accommoda- tion and comfort of guests. The table and bar supplied with the best the Market af fords. Choice Liquors and the best brands of Cigars, lent stable and shed ac- commodation, and attentive ostlers, MANCHESTER. D. B. DENISON, Proprietor; Bz GEO. HOUCK. Ilaving leased the abave excellent Hotel EVERE HOUSE, WHITBY STEAM MARBLE WORKS. J. & R. WOLFENDIN, HOLESALE and Retail dealers in Y Foreign and American Marble Man-- tles, Monuments, &c,, Dundas St , Whitby. Also, Agent for the Scottish Granite, Also Building Stone cut to order. <OHN NOTT, Agent, Port Perry. x 32 Whitby, July 29, 1874. | 1 R. RICHARDSON, Re¢-appointed Issuer of i JMarria ge Fiicenses Under the New Act, Office, lot 10, in the | 1st con. Brock. | Brock, Aug. 5,1874. Ly New Marriage Act. 88! Port Ferry, July 1st, ENRY CHARLES having been re- appointed Marriage License Agent-- (after sixteen years duty) continues to fur- 'nish Licenses as heretofore--at Port Perry, 1874. I= OF DIVISION COURTS 'block, over Atkinson's Drug Store, King|JOUNty of Omtario, Brest, Qokats, FOR THE YEAR 1875. CHAS. THORN, V8, ERR El EMBER. of the Veterinary Institute, |- = [* =m 4 Chicago, Ill. Gold Medalist for tho | Wh Ag fa FE Pe i best examination on Horse Practice. Author | prove! a 1 ola 8 4° 3 i 'ofa Firat Prize on Shocing. Gradu- | |nj22 15) | 8[12] 914 por s D3 12/28) [14/16] |.9[13(10{15 wed Sept. (IRIS, £O.i2 5 <field [is Dr. Thora begs to announce that he has : 18 15' 17 taken up his Jsidence Port Ferry, and is | w prepared to treat all cases entrusted his cate im" the. most 'skillfal scientific GEO. H. DARTNELL, Junior Judge 'Whitby, Jan. 1; 1875. 3 i orders left at the Medical Hall FE in, wi ocive prompt aio The Veterinary Stables may be found arly sivoot opposite Cossitt's Factory. Port Perry, Oct. 28,1873, g Juan? / JOHN'S. M. WILLOOX, QF in Tamm of Whitby, has been ap- A "1 : OFFICIAL ASSIGNEE ~~ county" of Ontario; "Ay business a will be carefully at- fended to. Bi > Susy A TORONTO. . 1851. ~WONEY 1 MONEYL MEL LOA at 8 per cent interest , on WESTERN ASSURANCE COMPY [25 Capital - $400,000. i will be my endeavor to conduct it ip every particular so as to merit the appro- bation and patronage of the public. Manchester, Oct, 6, 1875, RoYA L HOTEL, WHITBY. ALPHONSO HINDE, - PROPRIETOR. The comfort and ganvenience of guests carcful attended to. | Excellent accommodation of Commercial Travelers. A H Whitby, Aug. 12,1875. UEENS HOTEL, Corner of Cameron and Laidlaw Sts. D. CAMPBELL, Prormiergr CANNINGTON, Ox. This Hotel is now furnished in the best style, and offers every accommodation to travelers BIRD CAGES, all kinds, Round and Cruits, Butter Bowls, Toast Racks, G All of a useful character, Port Perry, Dac. 6th, 1875, PORT PERRY LIVERY STABLES, » C. MKENZIE, PROPRIETOR. HE Subscriber. having bis new and extensive Livery aA supply of superior Horses a C ty equipped Lables with Marriages, 1s prepared to furnish first class LIVERY RIGS On Moderate Terms. C. MCKENZIE. a Port Perry, Aug. 6, 1873. FOR PRESENTS ! "JUST AT HAND : THE FOLLOWING USEFUL ARTICLES FOR Xmas Holidays ! Square, and very Cheap. Nichol and Silver Plated KNIVES, FORKS, and SPOONS, oblets; Cale Baskets, and everything 8a5~ A Call Solicited. "Ba VW. = PARRISH. T. C. FORMAN, Inspector of Weights & Measures For the County of Ontario. Port Perry, Noy 1, 1875. 46:tf MONEY 70 LEND! The undersigned has any amount of Money to lend upon Farm and Town Property, at Unusually Low Rates of Interest! - Loans can be repaidin any manner to suit the DOLro wen pate os a os | Also several Improved Farms, and Wild Lands for sale, cheap. 4 GET YOUR FURS RENOVATED, CLE. LU, REPAIRED AND SET Ui AS STYLISH AS NEW FURS AT SMALL COST. HE Suliscriber would take this oppor- tunity of imforming the ladics of Port Perry, and surrounding townships that she has again entered on her winter business in the Fur line at her residence one door west of the brick cottage, Union Avenue, g wry, and 1s now prepared to execute B@y™ First class Sample Rooms!" Livery | attached. ' Cannington, Oct. 20, 1875. A RMSTRONG HOUSE, 43 | (LATE ALBION,) WHITBY, ONTARIO. &. ARMSTRONG, PROPRIETOR, A SoLDeAVve CAN HOTEL, PRINCE ALBERT. . W. H. PARK, PROPRIETOR. Having purchased the above pleasantly situated Hotel, 1 have thorgughly repaired and renovated the catire premises even to the Sheds. "The Hotel has been furnished in First-Class Style and Stocked with the best Liquors and Cigars | trict attention paid to the comfort of guosts. The table and Dar well supplied. PARK. W. H. Prince Albert, June 12, 1875." --_-- NION HOTEL, . MANCHESTER. JAMES T. HEARD, ProPREToR. Good accommodations. Careful attention to the requirgments of travelers and guests. The bar supplied with the best Liquors and Cigars. Good Stabli ing. Manchester, July 15, 1874. 30 sin way of Cleaning, Renovating, | Repairing, and altering in the best style all Furs entrusted to her care, With many thanks for the liberal pat- ronage bestowed upon me in the past winter a renewal of that patronage is solicited. MRS. E. DRINKWATER. A number of Ladies' Fur Caps just made up and ready for sale, Tanning done on short notice and in the best style. MRS. E. D. Port Perry, Nov. 2, 1875. 45 ¢YNOR THE BLOOD IS THE LIFE."-- See Deuteronomy, chap. xir., verse 23. CLAREKE"S : World Famed Blood Mixture. Trade Mark--¢ Blood Mixture." 'THE GREAT BLOOD PURIFIER AND RESTORER. For cleansing and clegring the blood from all impurities cannot be too highly recommend- : For Scrofula, Scurvy, Skin Diseases, and manent cure. It Cures old Sores. " Cures.Ulcerated and Sore Legs. Cures Blackheads, or pimples on the face. Cures Scurvy Sores. Cures Cancerous Ulcers. Cures Blood and Skin Diseases. Cures Glandural Swellinge Clears the Bood from all impure Matter. From whatever cause arising. As this mixture is 'pleasant to the taste, and d free from hin; urious to the D2 HOUSE, UTICA. J. DAFOE, PROPRIETOR. Good accommodasions. Careful attention to the requi 8 of lors and guests. 'The bar supplied with the best wines, liquors and cigars. Good stabling., OYAL EXCHANGE H( ' WILLTAMSBURG, CARTWRIGHT. 'E. BRYANS, Proprietor, The Subscriber having succeeded Mr. Mi An Blenn iN and rea Raion i fouel (he a Aoyaun entire premises. The Bar renoyasing the De i ot ars oo ane of the S market provided for the Tables. and attentive Ostlers, anyt 'most delicate Constitution of either sex, the Proprietor solicits sufferers to give it a trial to test its value, Thousands of Testimonials from all parts. Sold in bottles 2s 2d each, and in cases con- taining six times the quantity, 11s eyoh--sufi. cient to effect a pe ebtcape in the great jority of long standing cases, Sorb BY ALL CHEMSTS AND PATENT DICIYE VENDORS Te - throughout the world. 3 Sole Proprietor, F. J. CLARKE, Chemist, APOTHECARIES' HALL, LINCOLN, RNGLAND. EXPORT AGENTS, ' Burgovae, Burbridges- and Co., Colman St. os TN aa Sh Tien 8, e! lo Nonhury aad Sous, 1 Nema §?, Tondon. d Sons, Oxford 8t, London. nd all the Loudon Whoiesale Houses. | Monireal--Evsus, Mercer and Co., 'Wholesale {To Loan on good Farms, at 8 per cent in- : LYMAN ENGLISH, os : Bagusres, &o., A E. BRYANS, wi Tiliamsburg, Dee. 6, 1875. w Ly Clare and Co. VEEN'S HOTEL, Toronto --Tillgttand Soa Wholesale Druggists |. FORT PEERY, | Hamitton-- Wine oar | D. JEELaND, pa faz.-- Avery, Brown and Co. for oc 3 enlence, has wie = x EE a Rue LUGGAGE a i ee 'Bar suppilbd with the sholes AT A | rhe Stables & attended to." TAKEN TO AND FROM THE STATION or on TRSLARD, Proprietor. AND AROUND TOWN. MONEY ; Real Estate, yp & fon 3 | Port Perry, March 13, 1874, 13 3 . Oshawa Noyember, 31, 1866, a4 sores of all kinds it is a never-failing and per-| AGENTS IN CANADA. iy Investments made in Municipal Deben- | tures, Bank and other marketable Stocks, Apply to JAMES HOLDEN, Official Assignee, Broker, &e. Orrice--Over the Dominion Bank, McMil- lau's Block, Brock st., Whitby, Whitby, April 10, 1873, AGRICULTURAL IMPLEMENTS ! ne Subscribers having been engaged as 3 AGENTS JOSEPH HALL Manufacturing Company | OSHAWA, Would take this opportunity of informing the Farming community of this section of country that they are preparea to furnish any Agricultural Machipe manufactured at the Joseph Hall Manufacturing Company's Works, Oshawa, on the Shortest - Notice and the Most Favorable Terms. The Champion § COMBINED REAPER and MOWER. THE CHAMPION SINGLE MOWER, BROAD-CAST SOWERS and SPOUT DRILLS, WISNER'S SULKEY HORSE-RAKE. THRESHING MACHINES, &C. 14 highest Prize Medals and Diplomas Awarded the Champion in Europe tor 1878. A Sweeping Victory in the old world | | A Crowning Triumph in the New!!! Europe and America join hand in Crowning x the Champion King of the Harvest ii ng Field. neat! :E. WALKER. ES H. 8, JOHNSON, Port Perry, Dec. 3, 1874. 82, D. CARMICHAEL, _ Agentat Sunderland. TT. © roman, Marriage Licenses. One door west of the Walker House Port Percy, MRS. L. M. COOK, ADIES' HAIR DRESSER, witches, Braids, Frizze ors, and Comb- itch, Bn Hk doweiey Man : Rooms, Mr, Nott"s Furniture Wi rooms, pO and Perry Streets. - The Danbury Stove. HOW A NEW YORK EDITOR HELPED THE EDITOR OF THE NEWS TO SAVE A DOLLAR. (Danbury News.) Economy without judgment does amount to much. We are sorely r-o minded of this by a little experience of our own the past week. It is three years ago that we promised a dying friend that we would never again put up a stove. And when, a fow days ago, our wife suggested putting up the sitting reom stove, we impulsively looked for our goat and hat to go and see a man about it. Hore came in a very plausable argument. Tho stove was in a closet close at hand. A New York, Journalist, in good health, was visit- ing us, and was standing by at that very moment. The pipe was all fitted. The stove could be taken out and set up in less time than it would take to go after a man. And a dollar would be saved. That look- ed plausable--jast as plausable as our wife stated. The stove was handy, our friend handy, and the pipe fitted. = Still we didn't want to do it and save the dollar, although we have a 'Life of Benjamin Frank- lin' in the house. Wo told our wife so--at first stout- ly, and gradually less stoutly ,as she waxed more determined. Then there was the editor from New York. He wanted to show himself off before our wife, and so he en- thusiastically took her side of the question, and volunteered with a tremendous display of animation, to help to get the stove right up. * And so we finally consented to do it.-- We could save a dollar anyway, and we trusted to circumstances to get even with the city editor. The stove was in such a narrow closet that it nearly filled the whole width. It was exhilarating to see'the editor from New York. Ho pulled of his coat at once, and said that stove should come ous of there and be in its place in a jiffey. Only one of us could go into the closet and start the leviathan, but the New York editor show such an anxiety to do it himself that we determined to humor him. He wont in. The stove weighs about nine tons. IIe took hold of it round the waist, with the intention, we honestly believe, of taking it up in his arms and backing out with it.-- Iowever he didn't. Then he took hold at the bottom and essayed to wiggle it out. But he soon let go and wiped his brow with his hand that contained tho most stove black- ing. Its a buster," he observed: This statement sounded so reason- abie that we did not offer to contro- vert it. He took hold of the top and pulled the mountain towards him, and fell to working.it from one side to the other, and thus advanced onward. He didn't say anything, but you could hear him breathe clear out into the streot: He got it to the threshold at last. There was a visiblo change in his deportment. The insides of bis hands were very black, except where the edge of the stove had borne on the flesh to such a degree as to leave red lines. Ile was pespiring prefusely, and the bright lights in his eyes a few min- utes before had dimmed consider- ably. - We took hold of one side and the editor from New York took hold of the other. Then we exerted all our strength and brought the stove muscle was strained to their utmost tension, and our faces were fairly THE CHAMPION SINGLE REAPER. glued against the sides of that stove. And the awful weight of the thing: | forced us into that dreadful position. Then we began to move. We had to go about six teet. At the end of the first foot both of us without any preconcerted signal, set down the. stove. The editor from New York in a slow and tender manner, and looked thoughtfully at the palms.-- measuring the distance we had to 80, and slapping our faces against the stove once more, advanced cir- cumspectly another foot. In about fifteen minutes we had the stove where it was to stand. 'There,' said our wife triumphant. ly, ¢ the stove is all right and; yet you were going to have a couple of no time at it. . we might be interrupting a New | York journalist, who would probably infuse a little spirit into the con- versation: But he didn't make any 'remark. He was busy working his 'fingers open and shut, and endeav- oring in a slow, deliberate way, to Port Perry, Nov. 18, 1874, / straighten his back, We were going to dog ! ed from the floor. Every nerve and: opened his hands as far as possible, We took hold again, after carefully] men come here; ant you have been: We didn't say anything for fear 'Now you can see, Mr M,' obsery- ed our wife, with animation, 'what a great fuss my husband makes over such a little thing as putting up a stove.' . : ¢ Y-p-s--I--see,' replied the editor from New York, as he glanced un- easly into the palm of one hand, and tenderly tubbed the pit of his spine with the other. 3 'Ono would think to read what he writes,' she went on, ¢ that putt- ing up the stove was a great task.' - 'So--so they would, he replied, withja ghastly smile. While we wero getting opt the Pipe, he said to her; ' Well, the worst of it is over now, any way.' 'Oh, yes; the pipe is all fitted so there will be no trouble« putting that together,' ' He took hold of the pipe. Esch of the two elbows had a link attach- ed toit, but as the position of the stove had to be changed somewhat from last year's place, the elbows had to be removed. He took one and we took the other. Our wife bere had chanced to whisper to us that were saving a dollar in a few minutes. Our New York friend was not entirely ignorant. He took up his piece and rapped it smartly across his left knee to start the joint. He had on a new pair of lavender colored pants. He didn't take his knee again. He looked very uncomfortable as he stared around to find something to hit the pipe against. Constant application of a sooty haud to his brow, mingled with about a pint of perspiration, gave him an aspect somewhat simi. lar to that of a drunken Indian crawling out of a coal hole in a strange city. At the earnest soli- citation of our wife, who was look- ing around for something to take the scattered soot from the carpet, we carried the pipe out of doors, We found a tub out there, and we took our link and hit it smartly across the edge. We may have been in too much baste, or we may have been a little careless by the reflec- | tion that we wore saving a dollar-- | but at any rate we hit the pipe so | bard that we split the elbow open. | This sobered us at once, but jt 'thawed out the editor from New York, who was standing on the stoop. He actually smiled. 'Have you busted it ?' he eagerly enquired. 'It looks like it.' Just then the door behind him was opened by our wife, and in turn. ing round he let his length drop.-- Then be stepped upon it and it slid from under him, of course, and he sat down on it with all his weight, and thence slid down six stops and out into a gravel walk in a sitting posture. Going down the steps he made several attempts to say some- thing, but couldn't seem to get hold of the right words, but when ho got up and seen that the other elbow and link wero a shapeless mass of sheet iron ho flushed scarlet, and made no attempt to say anything, but just stared uneasily at the troubled countenance of my wife. 'Well, I declare!" exclaimed that. lady, 'if ever I saw such carelessness in my life. ? ¢ Why you don't think I slid down those steps purposely?' demanded the New York editor, in some alarm. 'Oh, no, I don't mean you at all. Mr. M., hastily exclaimed our wife. 'But to think that he didn't have any more sense than to krock a stove-pipe over a tub--a man as old as he is--is what vexes me. You'll have to gel another link and two elbows,' she added, looking very bard at us, * and what will they be?' 'About a dollar and a half; but then we have saved adol--.' The slamming of the door cut off the rest of our explanation. When she had disappeared the New York editor raised one hand to | heaven, and looking solemnly at us, impressively said : . «If ever again I--." Then he sud- denly paused and fell to staring moodaly at his pants. It was nearly four days before we [could remember to get that new link and those new. elbows.. We carried them home one noon. We bad to hurry back to the office after |dinner, but our jurnalastic friend volunteered to stay at home and help to getup the pipe. Just -be- tore tea he made his appearance at the office. There was nothing of a nature that might be called levity in his face. : asked ~ +Is the pipe up! we unnecessairly NO, 909 WHOLE afternoon, butI am afraid I havg made a most lementable mess, I couldn't get "ong nlink up apd I took your hammer to hit it and the handle came out, and the hammer then glanced off and came down on the mantle, and I 'hope to be hanged if it didn't fairly shiver to pieces 8 vase and that bust of Dickens: Then to top the climax the step ave way and the pipo and . myself went slap against. the wall, and then down on the fgor, ngarly -throwing,. your wife into & fit, I had my arms round the pipe when the ladder broke, and s0 both my hands were caught between it and the wall, giv- ing me a jam that fairly made me scream; and in that awful ridiculous position I came crashing down on the floor. Why, Bailey,' he sudden- ly exclaimed, ¢ I wouldn't; help my mother to pat up a stove for all the money on the face of this earth--no, not even if she were dying.' 'Well,' said we, 'we'll get 3 couple of men to come up to-night and finish it.' 'A couple?" he almost shouted. ¢ You'll want five hundred.' But a couple did it howevet.-- Here is the the bill : Dr. New stove pipe...............$1 50 Fixing door moulding...... 880 seevnniercnnnnss Totaleeeeeeeesive.rs,s ..810 75 cr.) Saved trying to pot up the stove ourselves... .81 00 The simple moral of this incideng is just this: Certain people are de- creed by heaven to put up stoves.-- That is their gift, and they alone should do it they can bé found in any stove store. Any other man who attempts to put upastove is a jackass too colossal to be used for exhibition purposes. : Two Reasons Way.--While some boys wero skating on one of the slips up the river,. a gentleman noticed ons on the bank who looked on longingly but who had no means of enjoying the sport. 'Well, bub, havn't you any skates? asked the man. 'No, sir. 'Why not?' "'Cause mother says I ain't pre- pared to die, and father says he needs the money to buy him some undershirts I' was the lonesome reply. An old Indy residing in Ohio lost the companion with whom she had jogged for many years. She neg- lected to mark the spot of his burial by even a stone. Not long after coming into possession of a small legacy, a sister of deceased said to her: "I suppose you will now put up stores for - Daniel?" Her an- swer was a settler. "Tf the Lord wants anything of Daniel at the resurrection, I guess he can find him without a gnide board." TE ----eeen. CHANGED nis Minp.--A strapping big stranger entered a store on Woodward avenue Yesterday, and leaning too heavily on the show case broke one of the panes of glass. 'That will cost you two dollars' said the proprictor. 'Haven't got tho money,' replied the stranger.-- 'Well, you can't go out of the store until you pay for that glass, said the storekeeper in a determined voice. 'I'm sorry, but I'm willing. to be lioked if that will do you any good,' replied the stranger, rapidly gotting out of twa coats and a vi and showing arms like joints of stove-pipe. 'O, I guess it was purely accidental,' said the shop kheper in an altered voice, as 0 "and you needn't mind about wajte * | ing around here any longer. Here's" acar ticket if you are going up the avenue' that instead efspending a dollar and last Summer, he had judicious! invested it in a ers. a A young man in Olathé, Kansss, who ja * particular about his washing, es wrote a note to his washerwoman and one to his gitl, and, by a strange fatality put the wrong address on each envelop and sent them off. The * wastierwoman an w pleased at an invitation to nk ae: 3 day, but when the young lady read: If you' muss my shirt bosoms, and rub tae. ' added ; ¢ There's no use talking, I 'Up? be ejaculated: And tho] you are," sinking dejectedly into a cbair, he y a N was ean't do it. I worked at it all the ¢ Because they flow against the door moulding; snd got behind the counter in a hurry," This is the kind of weather that . makes the dashing young man wish - a halt for a massive diamond 2 pair of winter draw. wr Cl Ir { Fon § ladder SE ib Hep . | | | | | i |