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» 2 i i 4 . d~ I > 4 t - »~ VOL. XVII, NO. 10.} AND GENERAL ADVERTISER. ~~ PORT PERRY, PROVINCE OF ONTARIO, THURSDAY, FEB. 17, 1876, WHOLE NO. 914 Forty Ontaria Obstrurr.| A WEEELY POLITICAL, AGRICULTURAL, : ASD ' FAMILY NEWSPAPER, 18_PUBLISHED AT PORT PERRY, EVERY THURSDAY MORNING, BAIRD & "PARSONS. TERMS MS.--$1 per annum, if paid in ad- avnce ; if not $1.50 will be charged. No subscription taken for less than six months; and no paper discontinued until all arrears are paid. RATES OF ADVERTISING. ¥or each line, first insertion ... Subsequent insertions, per line , Cards, under 6 lines, per annum ..... 5 00 B&F Letters containing money, when ad- dressed to this Office, pre-paid and regester- ed, will be at our risk. Advertisments measured by Nonpareil, aud charged according to the space they ac- cupy. Advertisments received for publication. without specific instructions, will be inserted antil fordid and charged accordingly. No advertisment will be taken out until paid for. A liberal discount allowed to Merchants and others who advertise by the year or half-year, B&F These terms will in all cases be strictly adhered to, ~ Job Department. Phamplets, Hand Bills, Posters, Pro- grammes, Bill Heads, Blank Forms, Receipt Books, Checks, Books, Circulars, "Business Cards, Ball Cards, &c., of every style and color, "executed promptly and at lower rates than any other establishment in the County. Parties from a distance getting hand bills, &c. printed can have them done to take home with them. J. BAIRD, H. PARSONS. Professional Caras. JONES, M D,, Coroner, Surgeon, &c. Physician, R. " Residence--Oflice door west of the Presby erian Church. Port Perry. -_-- D% WARE Coronor for the County of | Ontario, Physician, Surgeon and Ac- 'oucheur, Prince Albert. H. BANGSTER, M. D., Physician, Sur. J » eon and Accoucheur, Coroner for the County of Ontario PORT PERRY. Office over Noirs Far nro Store, corner of Queen and Perry Si Office hours pil So m. to 12 m. Residence, the dwelling recently occupied By Mrs. Geo, Paxton. _ Rt MCGILL & RAE, Physcians, Surgeons, &eo.. &c, Office and Residences, King st., Oshawa, WM, X'GILL, M,N. FRANCIS RAE, M,D. Wis -- E. FAREWELL, LL. B, County Crown Attorney for Ontario, Barrister, Attorney, Tr, and Notary Public. Office lately oc- © pled by 8. 1, Cochrane, Ksq., Brock street, Whitby. F. MCBRIEN, M.D, M. B. C. 8,, Guy's ospital, London, Iongland. "Phe lye B. Oshawa, YMAN L. ENGLISH, LL. B, Solicitor in Chancery, Attorney, Conveyancer, &c. Oshawa. OfMce--Simeoe street, opposite the Post Office. Young SMITH, LL. B.,, Barrister, At~ rney-at-Law, Bolicitor in Chancery, apd ne ency, Notary Public, &e. Ofige--McMjllan's Block, Brock street, Whitby. JAMERON & MACDONNELL, Barristers and Attorneys at Law, Solicitors County Council, Ontario. Offices : Court House, 'Whitby. M. C, CAMERON, H, J, MACDONNELL., Attorney at Law, and Solicitor P. Bees Ofmee in the Royal Arcade, Port Perry. 'W. Maurice Cochrane, TTORNEY-AT-} LAW, Solicitor in Chan- cery, Notary Public, kc. &e., Office hours punctually from 9a. m. to 5 p.m, oney to Loan at 8 per cent, on all kinds of good security. - Office, Bigelow's Royal Arcade, PORT PERRY. ©. N. VARS, L. D, 8, EETH inserted on all the latest princi- ples of the art, and as cheap as the cheap- «st, and as good as the best. Teeth filled with Gold and Silver, Teeth extracted without pain by producing local anmsth- esia. Dentical Rooms--in Cowan's new block, over Atkinson's Drug Store, King Street, Oshawa, CHAS. THORN, VS. Bo of the Veterinary Institute, cago, INI. Gold Medalist for the best Rr on Horse Practice. Author of ayFirst Prize Essay on Shoeing. Gradu- ated Sept. 16, 1867. Dr. Thor begs to announce that he has taken up his Iss dance at Port Perry, and is now to treat al} cases entrusted to his cere in the most skillful and scientific manner. All orders left at the Medical Hall of Mr Allison, will receive prompt attention. #&F™ The Veterinary Stables may be found on Lilly street, opposite Cossitt's Factory. Port Perry, Oct. 28, 1873. JOHN 8. M. WILLOOX, ¥ the Town of Whitby, has been ap- pointed OFFICIAL ASSIGNEE a the i of argo willbe car Sarinse fended to. Je TRG Clerk ki of the Third bist Perry, | v SH mtd p.m. PATENT SOLICITOR AND DRAUGHTSMAN, OTTAWA, CANADA, Transacts business with the Patent Office and other departments of the Government Copyrights and" the Registration of Trade Marks and Designs procured. Drawings, Specifications, and other Di neces- sary to secure Patents of Invention, prepared on receipt of the model of the Invention. fuctioncers. WwW. M. WIL1.003, LICENSED r AUCTIONEER, FOR THE COUNTY OF ONTARIO. AND TOWNSHIPS OF MARIPOSA -& CARTWRIGHT, EGS to thank his many friends and the public generally, for the liberal patron. age bestowed upon hing for the past five years. Having now given up the business of Bailiff, I intend, in future, to devote my whole time to the business of Auctioneer, Collecting, &c. It will be my endeavor, by prompt and careful attention to business, to give full satisfaction to all who may favor me with their Sales or Collecting. Bills draughted and Blank Notes furnished free of charge. Also Bill Stamps always®n hand: » Arrangements can be made for sales &c., at the Onserven Office, and at the Standard Office, Port Perry, Ww. M. WILLCOX, Prince Albert, Oct. 25, 1873. Wm. Gordon, Licensed Auctioneer, Valuator, &e. OR the Township of Brock, Uxbridge, Scott, Thorah, Rama, Mara, Mariposa and Eldon, £Gy™ Parties entrusting their Sales to me may rely on the utmost attention being given to their interests. WM. GORDON, Sunderland, Brock. THOS. H. WALSHE. ICENSED Auctioneer for the Township of Brock, Thorah, Mara & Rama in | North Ontario; Mariposa, etc, in the County ! | of Victoga. Residence--Cannington, Brock. | Orders 1¢ft at this office, or at his residence will be pune tually attended to. Debts col- lected id Cannington, or otherwise, and prompt made. R w ALSHE, the North Ontario Jini WHITBY STEAM MARBLE WORKS. J. HOT. & R. WOLFENDEN, | y ALE and Retail dealers in! Foreign and American Marble Man-- tles, Monuments, &c., Dundas St , Whitby, Also, Agent for the Scottish Granite. Also Building Stone cut to order, JOHN NOTT, Agent, Port Perry. 32 Whitby, July 29, 1874. R. RICHARDSON, Re-appointed Issuer of Marriage Licenses Under the New Act. 1st con. Brock. Brock, Aug. 5,1874. Office, lot 10, in the 33 New Marriage Act. ' Port Perry, July Ist, ENRY CHARLES having been re- appointed Marriage License Agent-- (after sixteen years duty) continues to fur- nish Licenses as heretofore--at Port Perry. 1874. PORT PERRY LIVERY STABLES, C. M°'KENZIE, PROPRIETOR. HENRY GRIST, THE WALKER HOUSE| PORT PERRY. pas Subscriber embraces this opportunity of returning his sincere thanks to his numerous patrons for the liberal and con. stantly SLEreasing _ patronage which has of the phir till now THE WALKER HOUSE whether for extent or quality of accommo- dations is equalled by few Hotels in the Province and surpassed by none out of the best cities, Commercial Travelers, the Traveling Public, Farmers and others doing business in the Villagé and the general public will find in THE WALKER HOUSE all that can be required in the matter of accommodation and moderation in charges. The Charges are No Higher at the 'Walker House than at any other Hotel in Town. The House is fitted up throughout in FIRST CLASS STYLE. The Tables and Bar supplied with the choice ot the market and the utmost atten~ tion paid to the convenience and comfort of ALL GUESTS. An abundance of comfortable Stable and Shed accommodation, and attentive hostlers, T, WALKER. Port Perry, Sept. 1; 1675. 36 pos PELRY HOUS PORT PER JAS. V. THOMPSON, " PROPRIETOR. The above House is now most comfort- ably furnished, and Guests are cared for in the Home Style. Good Liquors and Cigars, also, first class Stabling and good Ostlers.-- Additions have been made which maker this the largest and best House in this section of county, Fare $1.00 per Day, E NISON'S DOMINION HOT i At the Railway Station, PORT PERRY Every attention given to the accommaoda- tion and comfort of guests. The table and bar supplied with the best the Market af fords. Choice Liquors and the best brands of Cigars. Excellent stable and shed ac- commodation, and attentive ostlers, D. B. DENISON, Proprietor. EVERE HOUSE, MANCHESTER. Br GEO. HOUCK. Having leased the above excellent Hotel it will be my endeavor to conduct it in every particular so as to merit the appro- bation and patronage of the public. Manchester, Det, 51 1875. ROYAL HOTEL, WIIITBY. ALPHONSO HINDE, PROPRIETOR. The comfort and convenience of guests careful attended to. ¥xcellent accommodation of Commercial Travelers, A. H. Whitby, Aug. 12,1875. UEENS HOTEL Corer of Cameron and Laidlaw Sts, CANNINGTON, O~t. D. CAMPBELL, . ProrrieTor This Hotel is now furnished in the best style, and offers every accommodation to travelers JUST AT HAND : THE FOLLOWING USEFUL ARTICLES FOR Xmas Holidays BIRD CAGES, all kinds, Round and Square, and very Cheap, Nichol and Silver Plated KNIVES, FORKS, and SPOONS, Cruits, Butter Bowls, Toast Racks, Goblets, Cake Baskets, and everything FOR PRESENTS! All of a useful character, pa A Call Solicited. ~gsg W. T. PARRISH. Port Perry, Dec. 6th, 1875. TAKE NOTICE. © ---------- All persons indebted to us either by note or book account are respectfully requested to call and settle at once as we intend to close up our Books and adopt the Casm SysTEM. Our business in the future will be carried on onstrictly Casa PRINCIPLES. J.ook Out for CHEAP GROCERIES for past fayors we would solicit Port Perry, Oct. 27, 1875 Now. Our Motto is Cheap for Tash. Taking this opportunity of thanking var numerous customers a continuance of the same, We are respectfully yours, BONGARD & ROBINSON. PUMPS PUMPS You can get the best and cheapest Pump in the Province AGT AT RY INES peS™ First class Sample Rooms. Livery attached. Cannington, Oct. 20, 1875. 43 | A ZYSTIONG HOUSE, r (LATE ALBION,) WHITBY, ONTARIO. E. ARMSTRONG, PROPRIETOR. A NGLO- PRINCE ALBERT. W. H. PARK, PROPRIETOR. Having pnrchased the above pleasantly situated Hotel, 1 have thoroughly repaired and renovated the entire premises even to the Sheds. The Hotel bas been furnished in First-Class Style and Stocked with the best Liquors and Cigars! \ Strict attention paid to the comfort of guests. The table and bar well pai, . H. PARK. Prince Albert, June 12, 5. U NION HOTEL, MANCHESTER. JAMES T. HEARD, Proprieror. Good accommodations. Careful attention to the requirements of travelers and guests. 'Fhe bar supplied with the best Liquors and Cigars. Good Stabling. Manchester, July 15, 1874, "ERICAN HOTEL, 30 Drres HOUSE, UTIOA LIVERY RIGS On Moderate Terms, ©, MCKENZIE. Port Perry, Aug. 6, 1873, 3 WESTERN ASSURANCE COMP'Y 4 oF TORONTO. ---- 1HCOEPORRIOE +r 1rorseneess 18B1. - $400, 000. ES To. dons MeMurrich. Capital - President... Esq. BEOrOAEY .vrseser ei, Esq. f JAMES PRINGLE, | General Agent. MONEY | MONEY | a J. DAFOE, PROPRIETOR. hia how and extensive 1 Every Habe ai Gos accommodauions. Careful attention orse! + i supply of IO IEE stat to th of travelers and guests. The supplied with the best wines, liquors and cigars, Good stabling. OYAL EXCHANGE HOTEL, WILLIAMSBURG, CARTWRIGHT. FE. BRYANS, Drophnion The Subscriber having succeeded Mr. Mason in this pleasant and commodious Hotel has pared neither labor nor expense in re-fitting Ses. and renovating the entire 'he Bar Sap) lied with a superior cl of Liquors and st brands of Cigars. Lid EE of the iin Provide) for ine Jub les. Excellent bling and attentive Ostlers, Sletuny E. BRYANS. 'Williamsburg, Dec. 6, 1875. UEEN'S HOTEL, PORT PERRY, D. IRELAND, Proprietor. The Queen's as now arranged is unsurpassed for comfort and Sonvenionses The Bar has been moved to the second story, and nothing likely to eile to the comfort and con- venience of guests has been left undone. - The Tables and Bar supplied with the choice of the Re ful ttended to,? THe abies rarer TRELA 0 LAND, Proprietor. MONEY [Private Fun 'I'o Loan on: good Farms, at 8 per cen$ in- PATENT PUMP FACTORY, PORT PERRY. --1O. SEE THE PRICES. Force Puxr--A complete Pump and Fire Engine with Hose and Coupling complete for $25. Patent Swing Lift Pumps at 50 cents per foot. Common Log Pumps at 40 ceuts per foot. Jommon turned suction Pumps at 35 cents per foot. Cistern Pumps, a complete Pump, from $3 up to $8. Also every other description of Pump, at EQUALLY LOW RATES! + 1n Pump-making in the largest factories in Canada and d long experien aa I the it confident that he can perfectly satisly all hat will favor him with a call. other by mailorotherwise promptly attended to Allorders for any of the above, whether by 0 rey. Sept. 29,1870. \OR THE BLOOD IS THE LIFE BG Eo See Deuteronomy, chap. xi1., verse 23. CLARKE'S World Famed Blood Mixture. Trade Mark--* Blood Mixture." THE GREAT BLQOD PURIFIER AND RESTORER. For cleansing and clearing the blood from all impurities cannot be too highly recommend- ORT WHITBY & FORT PERRY EXTEN. SION RAILWAY. TIME TABLE No. 13. Takes eflect on Wednesday, 8th Dec, 1875. Trains Going Nortn. Toronto Time. Depart 1,50 For Serofula, Scurvy, Skin Diseases, and sores of all kinds it js a never-failing and per- manent cure. It Cures old Sores. Cures Ulcerated and Sore Legs. Cures Blackheads, or pimples on the face. Cures Scurvy Sores. Cures Cancerous Ulgers, Cures Blood and Skin Disses: Cures G 1 Swelling, Clears the Bood from all i Te Matter. From whatever cause arising. As this mixture is pleasant to the taste, and warranted free from anything injurious to the most delicate constitution of either sex, the Proprietor solicits sufferezy to give it a trial to test its value. = Thonsands of Testimonials from all parts. Sold in bottles 2s 2d each, and in cases con- WhitbyJunction Whitby. hitbyessessnnee .- # Platform Statjons--Tralns stop on signal- only. JAMES HOLDEN, Managing Director. LUGGAGE TAKEN TO AND FROM THE STATION AND AROUND TOWN. The Subscriber is prepared te convey Chests, Trunks, Boxes and every other de- majority of long standing cases, CHEMSTS AND PATENT MEDICINE throughout the world. le P F. J. CLARKE, Chemist, APOTHECARIES' MALL, LINCOLN, ENGBAND, EXPORT AGENTS. Burgowne, I Burbridges and Co., Colman St. Newbury and Sons, 37 Newgate 3 London. Barclay Say and Som Sons, 95 Farrington St, London. in "And all the London Wholesale Houses. "AGENTS IN CANADA. = scription of Luggage to or from the Railway Montreal Evans, Mercer and Co., _ YOBN CHRISTIE, terest, Station er anywhere around town. All ua! SR J TOWNBHNBP CLERK, MO To LOA at 8'per eens interest LYMAN FXouIeE Orders promptly attended to. Charges > suer of Marriage Licenses--Conveyancer 0. . and Co s Commissioner de 2 vo Boal, Bi A. HORD. Oshawa 3. COOK. Hamilion--W per and Ca " @foco--Manchester, Port Perry, Magch 12,1874. 12 | November, 21,1864: 34" Post Peary Jeo. Int, IAT, Halifaz.-- Avery, Brown and Co. ® wr - w no : om taining six times the quantity, 118 ench--sufli- cient to effect a permanent cure in the great SoLp BY ALL VENDORS Wholesale | CO88itated extreme caution on the and Co, Torpto--iotant Co., Wholesale Druggists | to the emergency, as a matter of which he reached bys springing from the cover of a cistern tub and catch- ing hold of the windaw ledge. His egress was effected by hanging full length from the ledge and then dropping to the cistern a fall of about six inches. One Sunday he took with him on the visita young man who'ow carries his silvery hairs behind a Danbyry grocery counter. They reached the place, the young lady saw the signal, opened the window, and the famous Barnum sprung up into bliss, The young man was to amuse himselfabout the There are echoes in 0 the air, Echoes dark and echoes fair ; i Sounds that startle, sounds that thrill, Sounds that souls with horror fill, There are echoes in the air, Wailing echoes of despair ; Weeping, wander's plaintive woe, And notes ot grief both deep and low. There are echoes in the air, Of light words spoken that may tear The roots of hope that struggling grows In hearts whose longing no one knows. There are echoes in the air, Echoes sweet and echoes rare, Of words of pardon gently sealed With kisses that sore lips have healed: .- There are echoes in the air, Re-echoing here and there, Of the joy of childhood's glee, Watted from the summer sea, He amused himself. It don't seem possible that anybody could be so brutal, but that yonng man actually removed the cover off the cistern.-- Then he sat down by the fence and ate currants, and calmly waited the result. P. T. finished his sparking, and backed out of the window the ful length his hands would permit, "Good-bye," ho gasped iu a whisper as he prepared to drop. "Good-bye, Phinny," she whispered bak. Then he let gyand instuntly shot from sight into a yawning abyss of dark- i ness and rain water, and if he had been of solid iron heated to a white glow he could not bave created more of commotion in striking the water. It is not necessary to repeat what Mp. Barnum said, both when he crawled out of the cistern and during the ten miles' walk home, but short- ly after he became a Universalist.-- Danbury News. There are echoes in the air, Of their words who do and dare ; Whose life is one heroic deed, Whose voice of warning thousands heed, There are echoes in the air, Coming from the ball-room's glare 7 Of the rhythmic measured beat, In whirling maze of nimble feet, There are echoes in the air, © Of the songs of siren's fair ; Echoes which the thoughtful heed, From which the thoughful wisely speed. There are echoes in the air Of the gentle words of care; Words that strengthen, words that cheer, Hearts that sink betsenth their fear, There are echoes in the air, Sounds that float down Heaven's stair Songs that angel-harpers sing, 5 Making walls of jusper ring. -- An Anecdote of Bret Harte, oa; aid No Guarantee. Bret ITarte was lecturing in Penn- |. slyvania a short time ago. At one of his appointments he felt very [tered the office of the Montreal much depressed. It is a peculiarity | Telegraph Company and wanted to of humorists, we are told to be un-|know if he could send a dispatch to accountably humorous at times.---| Fayette, Ohio. He was told that he Harte was in this mood now. One|could, and he asked : of the committee went in back of| ¢IfI send a telegraph to my wife, the scenes to see him, and the de- | will she answer it ?' pressed humorist welcomed him as| 'I can't say as to that, a gleam of unusually brightsunshine | the clerk. m Saturday morning a stranger en- replied "If you ask for an an- ly, and the committeeman decorous- | ply.' y. 'Mr. Harte, he said, gravely, |will she send it ?' you will find this an unusually| «I can't say as to that. healthy city.' ought to know best about.' ¢Ah I" said the pleased humorist.| «Isn't she obliged by law to send ' Yes. The death-rate is only one | jt 9 a day. ¢ No there is now law about it.' At this juncture IIarte took the| ¢ You won't gurantee tha' she'll committeeman by the ar and hur- | send it ?' continued the stranger. riedly asked : ¢ How can I? answered tba clerk, 'Is he dead ?' smiling at the idea. 'Dead I' ejaculated the committee ¢ Then I won't telegraph--no, not man, 'who dead ?' . |a cents worth! I know the old wo- 'Why, the man for to-day," was|man--know her like a book, and I the grave reply. know that if you don't send a man The 'committeceman stared with |up to the house to choke it out of all his might into to immovable face | her I might telegraph from Dan to of the lecturer. Bersheby and she wouldn't forward | ¢Isn't there a clerk here, or regis-| a shilling I" trar, or coroner or something like| IIe went out but returned in a that, of whom you could find out|few minutes and whispered : whether a' man for this day has| ¢Mum is the word. Don't say died 2 that I said anything about her.-- 'Why, yes, I suppose, so slowly |She's awful when she's roused, and replied the committeeman. though I've got my opinion of her ¢ Would you be so good then as to|and all her relations I don't care to find out, and before I commence the | have my home turned into a raging lecture, if possible, whether that | paradise!' man is dead, then I am all right, for I am to leave the city to-morrow morning ; but if he isn't T can't help but feel uneasy for myself, as I am not well to night.' : You | Kissing in Olden Times. An ancient Beecher trial may be found among the proceedings of a Connecticut Court, held in New Haven, May 1st, 1660 just two huudred and fifteen years ago. In this caso the kisser was Jacob M Murlin, and the kissee Miss Sarah Tuttle. It is demonstrated that Jacob 'took away her gloves.-- Sarah desired him to give her the gloves, to which he answered that he would it she would give him a kyesse upon which they sat down together his arms being about her waiste, and her arms upon his shoulder or about his neck, and he kyssed her and she kyssed him, or they kyssed ono another, continu- ing in this posture for about half an The kind-hearted committeeman immediately hurried away to get the information. When in his room at the hotel that night a servant told him a gen- tleman wished him to step down stairs into the hall as he wished to seo him. Myr. Harte went down and there met the committeeman. '1 am sorry, Mr. Harte, to disturb you,' he said ; 'but I could not get that information earlier. It is all right. That death rate Ispoke of is merely the average. ree rere Barnum as a Young Lover. -- ' gd iv Vie That was a big book P. T. Barum hours And after gonclysive 2 A ioe dence of the 'wonton, uncivel, im- wrote aboat himself. Tt is very re- 2 § modest and licivious" oscourtions plete, too, but there is one little in- cident which be either forgot to mention, or which got pied when the forms went to press. Itoccured when the great showmen was a young man, and aresident of this section. He was paying impetuous attention to a young lady at New- town. Being a son of a poor but honest parents, he was obliged to walk over to the village which con- tained his adored, on the Sunday nights he visited her. When there he labored under another and more awkward disadvantage. The young lady's father conceived a singular and most violent dislike of the ami_ able embryotic showmen. This ne- aforesaid, Jacob and Sarah were each fined twenty shillings. Such deci: sions and penelties enforeed in Brooklin would begger the kissers of Plymouth Church. Some time ago two London thieves put in practice a plan of robbing a jeweler which had been deseribed in a story in a popular periodical--a piece of pure invention. The jewel or was furious (he lost forty thou- sand dollars, so it was excusable), | and wrote to the editor of the maga- zine asking hiny if it was his mission to' instruct thieves in' new ways of plundering the publie. "My dear sir," repliod the editor blandly, if} you had taken my periodical (which 'I hope in future you will do), yow part of the lover, and he was equal {village until thehenr of departure pHi Massachusetts. The British Queen's Simple Taste A London correspondent says of Queen Victoria's absence from 'most of the royal fetes and parades:-- Some of the Queen's subjects rebel against this absenteeism, this res- olute flinging off of the pomp and circumstance of glorious royalty ; but. we hear from one who has the best opportunity of knowing the, tact that this is the only course of life by which Her Majesty can pre serve her health and strength, so as to fitly discharge her han 0 fllicial duti never poglectod: no t even in hn. of deepest sorrow. Doubtless her life in the heart of the Highlands, duite, simple, natural, surrounded by aloyal but self-respecting peo" ple, is more to her taste than ever was the life of courts and the servile adulteration of palace flunkies. She is a woman ofshrewd sense and simple tastes, loving independence and sincirity--above all, loving love, I have lately hosed) as com' ing from one ot her former ladies in waiting,* a touching little story, which illustrates the tender domes tic nature of the woman. When Prince Albert died, so soon after her mother, in the first hour of her bereavement and out of the depths of her desolate widowhood and queenhood, she cries, * There is no' one left to call me Victoria.' -- Don't marry till you can support a husband. That's the advice the Barnstable Patriot gives the Cape girls, An English woman adver-- tises herself as corn-cutter to the Royal Family. She practices on ¢ the light fantastic toe.' A jawbone sixteen feet long is to' be exhibited at the Centennial by Put it in the Wo- man's department, by all means. A breed of dogs without tails' They shook hands--IIarte carnest-|swer I should think she would ro-|has been discovered in Africa, and how the mischievous boys there '1f I ask her for twenty dollars |utilize old tin kettlés and fiuit cans, we cannot pretend to say. A gentleman rode up to a publid' house in the country and asked: ¢ Who is master of this house ?' I am, sir,' replied the landlord ¢ my wite' has been dead for about three weeks." A correspondent, being in {Ld private offico of a Washington pawnbroker, saw a fashionable lady come in and pawn a diamond cross worth 31,200 for $350. He doesn't farm in which ' meandering streams' and state what he was doing there. A Hartford man wants to sell a rivulets pasture, premeat luxuriant while majestic oaks and stately maples attract the eye of the beholder." Who bids ? Miss Anna Dickson's new lecturo is entitled * Sowing and Reaping.'-- an old [bachelor cruelly says that Sowing and Ripping would be a more appropriate subject for a wo- man. Half the people who are making this uproar over the exclusion of the Bible from our public sehools could not tell on their own responsibility whether the book of Genesis was written by St Paul or Hamlet. When a boy has been off all day, contrary to the expressed wish of his' mother, and on approaching the homestead at night, with an anxious and cautious tread, finds company at tea, the expression of confldece and rectitude which suddenly lights up his face cannot be reproduced on canvas. Why shouid the beehive be taken' as a symbol of industry ? Not a bee' is to be seen all Winter long, while the cockroach isup'is up at five in the morning and nover goes to' bed till midnight. Let's change' this thing. "Say, pap,'said John Henry' s nopeful the other day, wasn't it the Prince of Wh Ss swallowed 'Jonah?' And 'his head and gave him a nicke and' told him he might some tinve pe and then as hé put én' pors, and found a pl chestnut bur in each toe, he toolgghnt boy over his koee and wrestled with hiny, A number of New York sportsmen have had several fox chases in New : Jersey recently, and each timo the fox escaped and a nnmber ot hounds were lost. Anothér chase is an- nounced, Fi to shviate siailey it haps, a -8ix pound w wil che to' the fox's Minas, aad 'the hounds will be tied to the . -- fim on to prevent them', getting: os ¢ Benjamin," shouted Mrs Toodled to her husband who was'going out of the 'gate, 'bring me up five cents' woith of null when you come. 'Shui? Mrs Thoodles, sunff ? | ho ¢jaculated, as howpauid with his hand on would havé been put ipon your} 'course. Mis ingress to the house | wwas by a window on the second floor], the claims of literature,' guard, This comes of neglecting |r, the latch ; 'No, no, Mis to admit.