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TE ET VOL. XXI, NO. 28. TES CAND GENERAL ADVERTISER Forth Ontarie. Observer. A WEEKLY POLITICAL, AGRICUL- TURAL § FAMILY NEWSPAPER, 1S PUBLISHED AT PORT PEBRY, ONT., EVERY THURSDAY MORNING, BY duraeinly BAIRD & PARSONS. TERMS.~$1 per annum, if paid in ad- vance ; if not $1.50 will be charged. No subscription taken for less than six months; and no paper discontinued until all arrears are paid. RATES OF APVERTISING. For each line, fitstinsertion .... .i..$0 Subsequent insertions, per Tine . 0 Cards, under 6 lines, per. agnum ..... 5 00 Tiétters containing money, when ad- dressed to this Office; pre-paid and regester- ed, will be at our risk. 4 Advertisements measured by Nonpareil, and charged acoording to the space they oc- cupy. Advertisements_teceived for publication. without specific instructions, will be inserted until forbid and charged accordingly. No advertisement will be taken out untilpaid for. A liberal discount allowed to Merchants and others who advertise by the year or half~year, BF These terms will in all cases be strictly alevd to + Job Department. Pamphlets, Hand Bills, Posters Pro- grammes, Bill Heads, Blank Forms, Receipt Books, Checks, Books, Circulars, Business Cards, Ball Cards, &c.,of every style and solor, extcuted promptly and at lower rates shan any other establishment in the County. Parties from a distance getting hand bills, &o, printed can have them done to take home with thom. J. BARD. 11. PARSONS. ------------------------------------------ professional €aros. : 08 02 = H. SANGSTER, M. D,, Physician, Sur- J. geon and Accoucheur, Coroner for the County of Ontario PORT PERRY. Office over Notts Furniture Store, corner of Queen and Perry Streets. Office hours from 9a. m. to 12 m. Residence, the dwelling recently occupied by Mrs. Geo, Paxton. the County of R. WARE, ( nor for Ontario, Physician, Surgeon and Ac- <coucheur, Office, opposite the town hall. Port Perry. RS. MOGILIx& RAE, Physclans, Surgeons, D &c.. &e, Oflice and Residences, King st., Oshawa, WM. WGILT, M.D. YT ii F.MCBRIEN, M.D, M. R. (&, 8., Guy's Y Hospital, London, England." The lye R. 0, h Hg FRANCIS RAF, M.D. , LL. 0 eo) . Attorney Tarlo; Barrister, Attorney, Solicitor, and Notary Public. Office lacely oc- cupiad by 8. H. Cochrane, Esq., Broek street, v TMAN Tn BNGLISIT LL. I, Solicitor in Chancery, Attorney, Conveyance, &e. Oshawa. OMee-Bimeoe street, opposite the Post OfMce OUNG SMITH, LL. B.,, Barrister, At- x ET: Solicitor in Chancery, and [nsolveney, Notary Publle, &c. Ofmee--MeMiilan's Block, Brock street, Whitby. ¥ Ww 'Maurice Cochrane, TTORNEY-AT-LAW, Solicitor in Chan A cery Notary Public, &e., &c. Office hours punctually from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Money to Loan at 8 per cent, on all kinds of good security. Office, Bigelow's Royal A reade, PORT PERRY. (late of Be t Law, S Nota F. PATERSO> J Barrister und Att {or in Chancery, Convey: Lie, &cy &e. Offiee aver Brown & Currie's Store aH Port Perry. Solleitors, Notaries Public, &¢, Port Perry. #39 A large amount of money to loan at 8 per cent. John Billings. v Law, and Solicitor 44 4 ine Royal Areade, Port Perry. hina ee eee -J. A. MURRAY, 7 ATE Patterson & Fenton, Surgeon Dentist, (Office over Corrigan. & Camp- 20 lds nt Bl & MGILLIVRAY, Barristers { John A. MeGillivray. bell's Store, Port perry. All work done in the very latest and best style and warranted to give satisfaction. Port Perry, March' 28, 1877. '0. N. VARS, L. D. 8. EETH inserted on all the latest prinei- "ll ples of the art, and as cheap as the cheap- est, and as good as the best. Teeth filled with Gold and Silver. Teeth extracted without pain by producing local ansesth- esia, | Dentical" Rooms--in Cowan's new block, over Atkinson's Drug Store, King Street, Oshawa. / CHAS. THORN, V 8, f the Veterinary. Institute, VEERER, Sl Goia Medalist "the bést examination on' Horse Practice. Author of a First Prize Essay on Shociog. Gradu- ated Sept. 16, 1867. Dr. Thora begs to announce that he has taken up his residenée at Port Perry, and is now prepared to treat all cases entrusted to his care in the most skillful and scientific manner, All orders left at the Medical Hall o n, Will receive prompt attention. Veterinary Stables may be found on Lilly street,oppositéRichardson's Factory. Port Perry, Oct. 28, 1876. HE Subscriber would beg to inform owners of Horses and Cattle that having the Ontario Veterin- he has now located completed a Session in ary College, Toronto, in Port Perry for the 1 "ang is now prepared to give advise ay cooksfully treat all digenses to which horses and cattle are liable. From long study and close investigation of the and! habits of Horses ud Cattle and ton, in treating the Diseases of such together with the 'great advantages derived fi Session at the Ontario Veterinary Co Toots, 1 fatter myself that parties wl H and Cattle. under my treatment will find it to their advantage. 'Any EET eT Te R PON, Teacher of Music ROR, HARRIE Ly in Musical In- , 'Also 8 rubort 66 Tesidence, on Union Avenue. MSR 8. HARRINGTON, Teacher of sic. Appi Muy ted. Perry. practice of his pro order or communication for me left at Mr. Allison's Drug Store will be promptly wi cations hy Post or in person Residence, on Union Avenue, Port reef mr --_-- - Lil 5 PORT PERRY, PROVINCE OF ONTARIO, THURSDAY, JUNE 20, 1878, ) WHOLE Xo 1072 | Bustuens €avos._ \VUNEY TO ETT -- ONTARIO BANK. CAPITAL $3,000,000 PORT PERRY BRANCH. gam-- A SAVINGS DEPARTMENT. A Savings Department i8 now 0) in connection with this Branch. of FiveDollars and upwards received and inter- est allowed thereon. yl" No notice of withdrawal required. A.A, ALLEN, W. BURNHAM, Clerk of the Third Divi- « slon Court. Office in Bigelow's Block, Port Perry, Office hours from 10 a. m, to 3 p. m. T. C. FORMAN, INSPECTOR of WEIGHTS §& MEASURES For the County of Ontario. Port Perry, Nov 1, 18175. ; 45:tf OHN CHRISTIE, TOWNSHSP OLERE, ssuer of Marriage Licenses--Conveyancer, Commissioner &c. Office--Manchester. T ¢. FORMAN, . ISSUER OF © Marriage Licenses. One door west of the Walker House Port Perry. New Marriage Act. Port Perry, July lst, 1874. ENRY CHARLES having been re- I appointed Marriage License Agent-- (after sixteen years duty) continues to fur- nish Licenses as herctofore--at Port Perry. ee em R. RICHARDSON i Re-appointed Issuer larringe Licenses. Under the New Act, Office, lot 10, in the HONEY TO LOAN MORTGAGES WANTED. HE Subscribers have large sums of mon- ey placed in their hands for investipent on improved Farms, Village Properties, and other Securities in this and adjoining Counties | at the lowest current rates of interest. As we have funds on hand at all times Borrawars, caniep nd on getting their money with the east, possible delay. | : 3 : WANTED 0: PURCHASE, Any riumber of. Mortgages for which the high- est figures will be allowed. WV aaresian appraisers or Pers magent, Bul ng Soclotys e- cheapest an Tart "onetary Insti ation in Canad. Pald anim $1,500,000. . instalments re-payable from a0 years. Lands Bought and Sold: ,Beveral good farms for sale. Agents for several first class Fire In- surance Com panies. Collections made and a general agency busi- ness transacted. 7 DEBENTURES BOUGHT.-&X JOHN & DAVID J. ADAMS, Gaperal Agents, Office in Mr. Ross' Ontario Buildings, Port Perry. Port Perry, Oct. 11, 1872, JAMESLUND, MONEY, LAND & INSURANCE BROKER, 8; INVEYANCER, Commissioner for taking Afdavits in Court of Queen's Bench, &e. MONEY TO LOAN In any m Bought, Ac prompt re The pa S without commissis 1 mer to suit borrowers, Mortgages Notes, &e, Collected and on, h Val permit rep: the Com pan) gam 4 part or all principal, binding themielves inthe mort- whether large or tireet reduction of ately cancelling the interest on the sim paid. No 'extra chargo is d In all eases where the title is perfect, the V ight to the borrow Asl Agent and Valuator f sev here ean possibly be no publicity in the transaction. If the title is perfect the mone paid here in two weeks after maki tion. z applica JAME ND, 1st con, Brock. Brock, Ang. 5,1874. 33 [ TENRY GR y PAT SOLICITOR b Dravenmaay, Ottawa, Canada Transacts business with the Patent Office and other departments of the Goyer > its and the Registration of nd Designs procured. Drawin Sy ations, and other Documents n sary to secure Patents of Invention, prepared in receipt of the model of the Invention. ENCE, AND ConTRACTOR, BUILDER, &C. The Subscriber In returning his sincere thanks for the very liberal patr + hes him in the past would rerally that having he rt) moved into the Vil Albert, he will in future g attention to his business as ready to undertake Plastering, and he very [HW n he done. s workmanship. WM and first- I. SPENCE. Prince Albert, April, 1¥ WwW. M. WILILCOX \ LICENSED AUCTIONEER. i ETURNING my sincere thanks to my '\ numerous friends and patrons for their liberal patronage bestowed upon me as Auctioneer during the past cight years, I would now beg to offer my services to all who may have Farm Stock, Implements, or other property to sell by Auction anywhere in North Ontario, the township of Mariposa or Cartwright. ; My long and extensive practice as Auc- tioneer has enabled me to judge the value of Farm Stock with an accuracy second to none in the County, and this is of import- ance as if the Auctioneer is not a good judge of the value of Stock he may soon lose far more than his fee in any sale. Bill stamps always on hand. 3 Sale Bills srranged and notes supplied | free of charge. | Days of Sale may be arranged at the Ossgrver Office, where a Sale Register will be kept. Fins Liberal, W. MW. Port Perry, Sept. 4, 1877. v . B. MAJOR, ° ICENSED AUCTIONEER. All parties I wishing his services can call at the «Observer Office, Port Perry, and arrange for days of Sales. Glen Major, Oct, 10, 1876. WM. GORDON, Licensed Auctioneer, Valuator, &c. OR the Township of Brock, Uxbridge, Scott, Thorah, Rama, Mara, Mariposa and Eidon, B@F~ Parties entrusting their Sales to me way rely on theutmost attention being given to their interests. WM. GORDON, Sunderland, Brock. id T. H. WALSHE, ICENSED Auctionéer for the Township. | Brock, Thorah, Mara & Rama in North Ontario ; Mariposa, etc., in the County of Victoria. Residence--~Cannington, Brock. | Orders left at this office, or at his residence will be punctnally attended to, Debts col- ed in Cannington, or ® otherwise; 'and prompt remittances made. Remember-- WALSHE, the North Ontario Auction- eet. . I ah rr The VICTORIA MUTUAL Fire Insurance Company of Canada, HEAD OFFICE,,...... HAMILTON. retin HIS is decidedly one of the best companies in the Dominion, and parties having property to insure will do well to consider the many advantagés of insuring with this Company. * g aiid pany T. H. WALSHE, Agent, . Cavnington, Ont. Cannington, Sept. 26, 1876. - lan's Block, Brock st Parrish's Block, Cor, Brock and Buscom Streets, Uxbridge. Uxbridge, MON TO LOAN. EY The undersigned has any amount of Money to lend upon Farm and Town Property, at Unusually Low Rates of Interest! Loans can be repaid in any manner to suit the borrower. Also several Improved Farms, and Wild Lands for sale, cheap. Investments made in Municipal Deben tures, Bank and other marketable Stocks, Apply to JAMES HOLDEN, Official Assignee, Broker, &e. Orrice--Over the Dominion Bank, MeMil- Whitby. Whitby, April 10, 187 PORT PERRY LIVERY STABLES, C. MK PROPRIETOR. i Subseriber having now fully ecuipped bis new and extensive Livery Stablss with a supply of superior Horses and Carri ges, is prepared to furnish first class LIVERY RICS On Moderate Terms. C. MCKENZIE. Port Perry, Ang..6, 1873 GRENZIE WHITBY STEAM MARBLE WORKS. J. & R. WOLFENDEN, N HOLESALE and Foreign and American Marble Man. tles, Monuments, &c., Dundas St , Whitby, Also, Agent for the Scottish Granite, Also Building Stone cut to orde:. JOHN NOTT, Agent, Port Perry. Whitby, July 29, 1874. 3 Fhotels. THE WALKER HOUSE PORT PERRY HI Subscriber having leased the above hotel, it will be his endeavor to conduc it in every particular go as to merit th approbation and patronage of the public. THE WALKER HOUSE whether for extent or quality of acéomfino- dations is equalled by few Hotels in the Province and surpassed by none out of th best cities, Commercial Travelers, in the Village and the general public wil find in THE WALKER HOUSE all that can be required in the matter of accommodation and moderation in charges. The Charges are No Higher at the Walker House than at any other Hotel in Town. The House is fitted up throughout in FIRST CLASS STYLE. The Tables and Bar supplied with the choice ot the market and the utmost atten~ tion paid to the convenience and comfort of ALL GUES An abundance of comfortable W. B. McGAW, Port Perry, April 20, 1876. y pore PERRY HOUS PORT PERRY. JAS. V. THOMPSON, - PROPRIETOR. ! The above House is now most comfort- ably furnished, and Guests are cared for the Home Style. algo, first ¢ Stabling and good Ostle Additions have been made which maker thi the largest and best House in this section of country. Fare $1.00 per Day. [HEE HOUSE, PORT PERRY, The Subscriber having leased this comfort able and convenient Hotel, will spare neithel labor nor expense in providing for the com fort and convenience of gu had in the market, Only choice Liguors and NOTICE TO FARMERS & OTHERS MONEY TO LOAN. | HE undersigned, would say to the owners | of Real Estate, that he has in his hands a | Tnage amount of private fu which he is | prepared to invest for periods to suit borrow- ers--interest at cight per cent and most reasonable terms assured. . fH. CHRISTIAN. Manchester, October 17, 1877. MONEY TO LOAN. HE Subscriber is prepared to lend money T on improved property for terms from one to twenty years, Agent for Western Caxapa Loan ano SavinGs Company. He has also been instructed to invest a large amount of Private Funds, Inter st Eight per cent. No Commi N. F. PATERSON. Port Perry, May 20, 1878. | CLEMENT DAWES, AS Money to Loan on Farm security in any manner to suit borrowers. Mort- gages bought at lowest rates. Accounts, Notes, &e, collected on reasonable Com- mission. Apply personally, or by letter to C DAWES, Auctioneer, &c., Port Perry, March 7, 1878. MONEY [Private Funds, "I'o Loan on good Farms, at 8 per cent in- terest. LYMAN ENGLISH, BARRISTER, &C., Oshawa November 21, 1866. 4 Money to Loan N Farm Property at Seven and a half per cent. * No Commission. Enquire at P. A. Hurd's Law oftice, Port Perry. : > : P. A. HURD, A Solicitor, &c. Port Perry, Jan, 9, 1878, THE ONTARIO Farmers' Mutual Insurance Co'y Head Office, Whitby, -------- This Company is now fully organized and is prepared to accept risks on Farm Buildings and their 'contents, country School Houses and Churches, Those wishing to insure and thereby support a Home Insurance Company have now an opportunity of doing so, either the local Agents of the Company. Our rates will be found as low as those of any respon- sible Mutual Insurance Company in Canada. Head Office--Opposite the Royal Hotel Brock St., Whitby C. NOURSE, Sceretary. W. i. BROWNE, General Agent. | Stable and Expedition | Solicitor, | by applying to the Head Office, or to any of Cigars at the attended to by careful Ostlers. CHAS, HOLT. Port Perry, March 8, 1876 I LEVERE HOUSE, MANCHESTER. By GEO. HOUCK. Having lea: it will be m d the above excellent Hote endeavor to bation and patronage of the public. Manchester, Oct. 6, 1875. NTARIO HOTEDN, WHITBY, T. MASON, - =~ PROPRIETOR. will please fecl at home. Whitby, Nov, 9th, 1876. UEEN'S HOTEL, Corner of Cameron and Laidlaw Sts, CANNINGTON, Ont. D. CAMPBELL, . . travelers pas First class Sample Rooms. attached. Cannington, Oct. 20, 1875. 4 PRINCE ALBERT. W. H. PARK, - - - the Sheds. best Liquors and Cigars! guests, The table and bar well supplied. W. H. PARK, Prince Albert, June 12, 1875. Aone HOUSE, (LATE ALBION, WHITBY, ONTARIO. E. ARMSTRONG, PROPRIETOR. Street, Lindeay, Board, $1.50 per da; E. BENSON, Proprietor. ROYAL EXCHANGE HOTEL, WILLIAMSBURG, CARTWRIGHT. E. BRYANS, Proprietor, remises. The rior elass of Liguors an he choice uf t| and fenovating the entire supplied wit! Ap 5 the st brands of Cigars. stabling and attentive Of Williathsburg, Dec. 6; 1875." ae QUEEN'S HOTEL, WHITBY, ONT. McCANN & TAYLOR, PROPRIETORS. public, ENZIE, Retail dealers in 1 the Traveling Public, Farmers and: others doing business ] able and Shed accommodation, and attentive hostlers, Good Liquors and Cigars, | . The Tables will always be supplied with the best to be ar. Any quantity of firstclass | accommodation properly conduct it in every particular so as to merit the appro- The public well cared for, and all Guests PROPRIETOR This Hotel is now furnished in the best style, and offers every accommodation to 1 Livery A TOLI-AuERICAR HOTEL, PROPRIETOR. Having purchased the above pleasantly situated Hotel, 1 have thoroughly repaired and renovated the entire premises even to The Hotel has been furnished in First-Class Style and Stocked with the Strict attention paid to the comfort of The Only First Class House in Town. BENSON HOUSE, late Jewett J{ouse, Rent y. The Subscriber having succeeded Mr, Mason in this pleasant and commodious Hotel has spared neither labor nor expense in re-fittin| . Bar | smging gate, and peeped in at the sleeping E. BRYANS. Every accommodation for the traveling { SION. -- : It was very late Saturday night when Mr, Bosbyschell came home. It was very nearly Sunday morning. He did not come in the usual way. He did not open the gate. -- He climbed over it although there was no apparent reason why he should get into the yard in that, way. He clambered over the cate with an affection of great stealth and with A telly of great difficulty. He slammed hiiiisell up against the gate with a great crash, and closed one eye and looked around him at the midoight selitude and said '--sh |" several times, Then he ¢lambered to the top of the gate and kicked against it with his feet ns he scrambled ip and made such' rackot that every dog on South hill woke up and began calling all the other dogs names, while Mr. Bosbyshell, balancing himself on the top of the gate, rattled it so furiously, in his un- steady violence, the dogs could scarcely hear each other, and Mr, B. repeatedly put his hand to his mouth, and said '--sh I' in the same warning tones, and winked, in a very laborious and uncertain manner, in the several and general directions of the noisy and invisible dogs, to indicate that he was doing something powerful sly, and wanted to keep most awful shady about it and let himself down on the inside of the gate. Now the gate was fastened, and when Mr. Bosby+ 0 schell transferred his weight to the inside, it ¢ | flew open, banged itself up against the fence e | and Mr. Bosbyshell, as he let himself down on the sidewalk, on the outside the fence distorted his face into an expression of fiend- ish and malignant cunuing as would have silenced every dog on the hill could they Then with stealthy steps he tiptoed across the street 1n a zigzag manner, holding a finger on his lips to impress the voiceless night and sleeping world around i have seen it. I {him with silence while he pursued his can- {one way, as he supposed to his own front door, His amazement, when he found another row of shade trees, another fence and an- other closed gate confronting him was simply collsal He ached, then declaring that it was pefly in- crepchom givel,' by which he was understood to convey the idea that it was , perfectly in- comprehensible,' he retraced his steps and staring very hard at his open gate, plunged throngh it, bulged up the front steps and fell against the ront door, and while he struggl- ed to gain an crect posture, said '--sh I" at warning intrvals, Some ony, a fignre arrayed in white, with frills around its head, and blood 1m let him, aid he lunged with an easy grace stared until his eyes its eye ____. |iuto the fist chair that went past him, after he had made several vain attempts to seat | himself on the piano' The repreachful figure of Mrs Brosbyshell regarded him witn calm, severity, and her icy silence made him feel | uncomfortable. « Moggmeck," he said thickly but with |g ae earnstness, 'Moggareck,' (Mrs Bosby. S schell's froat name is Margaret) ¢ I've--hic I've gotta--gotta quickened coghielsce.' « A what? asked Mrs Bosbyshell in calm disdain, ¢A qniczened coshience,' repeated Mr. - | Bosbyschell, 'a quick coshience. A--hic-- "I 1've got something ommy min,' Moggart.-- «(T've gotta a--hic--coffussiol--codfession-- gottaconnfession't make. 1] «yon can make it in the morning she said imperiously. You may sleep where you please, or rather, where «1 am going to bed, you can.' ¢ Naw' protesed Mr, Bosbyschell, with much cantwait ; cant got "sleep 'ith"th'sload ommy--ommy mind. Got coffussion t'make, an' mus' make 1 |an' mus'--mus' make it, Done suthin, Moggart, hic--been--been a--becna long ommy miad long time. Been--hic--carryin' gul'y secret' round 'ith me too long.-- Quicked cosoience won' gimme--won' gim- me nope--hic--no peace, Mus' tell you, Sumpin,' Mogeret, sumpin' "Il ¢'prise you.-- Tev-- ¢ Mercy on me, man!' exclaimed Mrs. Boslyshell, startled from her composure, +whit Jave you been doing ? Tell me quick. tell me for heaven's sake ! Noggart, said Mr. Bosbyschell, 'it's suthh ye nev--hic--never suspect--suspec-- ed. ItNl mos' kill ye. Hiel S8'pec' it'll n--ngh drive you crazy. 'Sawful t' think 'boutit. '--y' wouldn't b'lieve it of me aig y'--ye would't; I've been--"Speak! vehemence, 'can't hic; shridked the almost frantic woman, 'I'm wild] with suspense | Speak, tell me all, quick 10h | T could tear her eyes out! Tell me, fou brute, what is her name ? Who is she «Wh--wh--hic I' demanded Mr. Dosby- schel, in blank amazement. «he woman, you wretch I' screamed his wite who is the woman ?' « O)pshaw, Moggart,' ejaculated Mr Bos- Dbyshd, ¢ tain' th--hic--that. Wu sen that, 'Smo dreadful, Hic. 'Smore crushin' You-hic--y'won't hardly b'lieve it--hic-- w'enkll ye Moggart--' « Seak,' wailed the anxious woman,-- 'gpea, let me know the worst | what have yov ken doing ?' « Mrgart,' said Mr. Bosbyschell, solemnly and ith the air of a man upon whom a quicened conscience had wrought a perfect wor) 'Margart,' he said nerving himself for the hock of confession, ¢ Margart, I've --hic --T'% been drinking Tiere was & dull, heavy sound, ad the ottdwan caromed or Mr, Bosbyshell's head anche looked out from his recumbent posi- tio under the piano just in time tosee a fon robed in gnowy white speed swiftly up thiball etairs with an expression of disgust onts marble features. And out in the azure sks the eternal stars looked down at the @w nd he | figre under the piano and winked at the market provided for the Joes Excellent 8 : diwsy hall lamp that had smelled so much ohisky that it had burnadjout in a whisky fit and the sad voiceless spirit sat ou' the frat fence and brooded with mistery over 'tl. devirous ways of wayward, fallen man, EE 1d joke, but timely : Don't eat cucpm bei They'll W up; ai fed Fh Why a Woman Can't Throw a : Stone. The practice of a whole life will not en- able a woman to throw a stone with grace and accuracy. It was one of the first and most knotty physiological problems which presented itself to our youthful mind-- why our big sister. when she tried to throw a snow ball at us, almost invariably sent it careering over the top of the house, while we, in turn, could pop her in the ear almost every time. It may be that we took advant- age of this discrimination in our behalt agains{ our sister, and it may be that we im- proved the opportunity to rake her fore and aft whenever she came 1n firing distance, -- But that is neither here nor there, As time passed on we saw that other fellows' sisters laboured under the same disadvantage that ours did in the matter of throwing any kind of a missile. Why this marked and unmis- takable difference extsted, we never learned until ata somewhat advanced period, we dived into a book of physiology, snd leaned that the clavicale or collar-bone, in the anatomy of a female, is some inches longer and set rome degrees lower down than in the masculine frame. This long crooked awkward bone interferes with the full and free action of the shoulder, and that's the reason a girl can't throw a stone, The de- sign of this sort of thing is still unexplained to our entire satisfaction, We have develop- ed a pet theory of our own, however, that an all-wise and beneficent | rovidence, foresee. ing that there would be rolling pins, and stove-hooks, and pot-lids, and flat irons and hot water in the world, set the woman's clavicle down a hitch or two for safety to men, It's lucky for all of us that women cannot throw stones. A Convincing Argument. He was squirting tobacco juice over the floor of the saloon, and telling how capital oppressed labor, when orice of the dozen men in the place inquired : *Air you one o' them communists ?' - 'I hold, sir that we must have an even distribution of property--yes, sir, or we'll fight, sir!" was the pompous reply. 'Stranger, kin we lend me a chew of to- bacco ?' asked the inquirer, A box full of fine cut was handed him.-- He put it in his pocket, and was walking away, when the communist called out : 'Beg pardon, but you are carrying oft my tobacco I" S'all all right--s'all right,' replied the other. 'I was out, and you have plenty. -- We've got to even this business up, you know, and you keep the box, and I'll keep the tobacco.' - He was too big to lick, and the commun. ist put the empty box in his pocket and re fused to laugh with the crowd. A The young man paced the parlor, While she was cleaning her teeth ; And he thought of the brilliant dollars That her daddy wonld bequeath, The old man sat on the counter, With his head between his hands, And rejoiced that his girl had a lover Who would help him to meet his de- mands. Both mistaken. Pull-backs have their drawbacks, as a young woman of Keokuk, Iowa, fourd when she went to a Masonic entertainment last week. She looked at the bonquet tables with horror ejaculating to her escort ; ¢ Good gracious! are they going to sit down? 1 didn't expect that--I--I ain't fixed to sit down.' He found a place for hir alongside the mantle piece, where she could take her supper standing, But it was a very narrow escape. What u beautiful example of simplicity of dress is shown some of the followers of fashion by that domestic animal, the cat, which rises in the morning, washes its face with its right hand, gives its tail three jerks and is ready dressed for the day. A Yankee told a story about a flock of crows three miles long, and so thick that you could not see the sun through it. 'Don't believe it,' was the reply. 'Well, said the narrator,' you're a stranger, 'and I don't waft to quarrel with you, so, to please you I'll take off a quarter of a mile in the thinn est part.' +Ts that your offspring, madam?' asked a Judge ina Missouri of a woman on the witness stand, who was holding a boy by the hand. 'No, Judge, this is my oldest son,' she innocently replied: What is the difference between a school. boy studying his lessons and a farmer mind- ing his cows ? One is stocking his mind the other is minding his stock. A mother seeing her little four-yearsold nearly aslecp in her chair, asked if she had not better go to bed. * Oh, no, ma; I only my shut my eyes to keep the dust out.' ¢C-0.1-0-1-8," said a Sunday school boy slowly spelling it out, ¢ coat of many collars why did it have so many collars, teacher ?--- So they could lift him out of the well easy ? A poor woman coming from a wretched garret in an inland manutacturing town for the first time to the sea shore, gazing at the ocean said, 'She was glad for once in ber to see something there was enough of. Aman was found at Sandford the other day mounted on a ladder with his lips press. ed to the telegraph wires, He was sending kisses to his wife at Lincoln, It was found afterwards that he was a newly married man A Scotch student supposed to be deficient in judgment, was asked by the professor, in the course of his examination, how he would discover a fool. 'By the questions he would ask,' was the profript and higly sugges- tive reply. , & soldler went into a shop in Brighton to purchase some trifling article, and obsorving some red herring on the counter asked what they were. To which the shopkeeper re- plied, ¢ Soldiers, wy friend I' 'Are they so?' rejoined the son of Mars. 'Then I'll take them as deserters,' and walked off with his prisoners, to the great amusement of the by. gtanders and the chagrin of the witty trades. man; a 'Clutching at straws," is another thing which is quite overdone in this country. 'Mr. Rory has absconded from Montreal because he was fearfully in debt, and no one let Rory one more, id Scandalous remark by the Cincinnati Breakfast T:ble--'The phonograph will pro- bably be called a 'she,' because it repeat- everything. A tax on profane language would raise more revenue than the Moffett drink register and the more a man was the more he would sweat, ARTY 'Don't you find that it hurts your lawn to let your children play on it ?' asked a friend of a suburban the other day, 'Yes answered the gentleman addresred, 'but it doesn't hmt the ghildren.' | A subscriber wrote to a journal to make some enquiries about the next world's fair whereupon the wicked editor replied that h: was under the impression that the next world wouldn't have any fair, The phonograph may bottle up the voice and pass it down to future ages; but the smile that twists the face of a men as he seeks solitude and gazes upon his name in print for the first time will always have to be guessud at, Sarah Ann--'Oh, ain't my*brother a clever boy, Eliza Jane? He's only been to school two months an' he's got the catechism .'-- Eliza Jane--'wot's that] Why my brother's only bin to school two weeks an' he's got the measles I' A little girl had been absent with her par- ents to a camp meeting for two weeks, On her return her little playmate, Ella Day, en~ tertained her by showing her her new play- things. At night little Mary, in saying her prayers, said : 'Oh, Lord, Uless Ella Day and make her, a good girl, so I can take all her playthings away from her and she won't want them back again: In Michigan, according to the Chicago Times, 'they never hold inquests upon the bodies of men whose pockets are found to contain fruit-tree catalogues and wire-fence samples, but if the murderer becomes known his neighbors club together and present him with a gold- headed cane, or a patent tobacco box." You are mistaken. Citizens in this State are not rewarded, and do not expect it, mn: bs The Long Ago. er Beverly Smith walked out of cell Nd. with great promptness, and as he ranaged' © before the desk and smiled, he said : s ¢ Well, thix is indeed u surprise! Why I never had the remotest idea of finding you here! Shake, old fellow I " His Honor wouldn't y 'Don't you rememter $oitr old school mate Bev. Smith ?' inqeired the prisoner -- ¢ Don't you remember how we used to steal melons together--how we both went over the dam in old boat--how we read novels under the lee side of haystacks 7' { A strange light crept into: His Honorls eyes as he replied : ¢Ah 1 I remémber you now! So you are Bev Smith 7 J 'Iam--I am. % thought you'd remem- berme, Iam awful glud to see you Judge. ¢ Are you well 7 ¢ Quite well, thank you.' } An awkward silence followed. Mr Smith heard the boys chuckling, and at 'length said : . 'Glad to hear it--yeg--yes. 1 should like to call on you and talk over old times,' ¢ Beverly Smith |" said the conrt in a voice * fesembling the distant explosion of a coal cart, 'you are about to call on the Superin=< tendent of the House of Correction, there to remain for ninety long days,' ¢ What ? sentence an old companion 2' 'All the same, Beverly--all the same, The friends of my childhood are few in number. They are falling down stairs, being drowned, blown up, and run over, and I'm going to put you where you will be safe from accident,' 'Don't Judge I' 'But I will! I prize you, Beverly, When night comes I want to know that you are in out of the wet, and when morning dawns T want to feel that you are safe from the clutch of ice wagons, is recorded.) 'Judge, I--I--don't think I ever knew you !'stammered Beverly, but there was a light in the window for him, The sentence ee & -- A Novel Sewing Machine. A Vienna mechanician has recently sue. ceeded, after many fiuitless trials, in con- structing a sewing machine which does not for merely doing their duty, Russia had better avail herself of the | bankrupt law before it is repealed. Her | squabble with Turkey cost her the trifling | sum of $600,000,000 and another such a con. | quest would be very apt to ruin her. How | much better it would have been for Russia | it she'd let war alone and put her money in. to some first-class newspaper. It is singular | indeed, how some people will deliberately | overlook their golden opportunities, | An old soldier relating his experience at a | temperance meeting, in Towa, said that at | one time he got pos n of two kegs of | whiskey, took them to camp, put a faucet | into one, and pissed the whiskey around | among the boys until they all got pretty | full. About the time the keg was empty, | he said, for a moment bis conscience told him he was doing wrong, He picked up an axe and knocked the head of the other keg in and--(Here he was interrupted by the Deacons starting the ery ot 'Amen I" "I'hank God I' 'Glory be to God!" After the house became quiet he contiaued : 'I knocked in the head of that keg, gave the boys a tin cup, and told them to Lelp themselves.' Don't argue with a fool, or listeners will say there two of you. Money is a great lever in the affairs of man ; so great a leaver, some of us can never keep it. ' Scientific agriculturists speak of the fruit belt' of the South, [tis where green apples strike the. small boy. He sot him down on the steps--that had been newly painted--and when he riz to travel home--that gal of his--she fainted. The girls of Tuscola, Ill, place a blue ribbon and a mitten on the table when their, lovers come to see them and say, 'Choose. 'Naval costumes' will be worn by stylish ladies this year. Common ladies will have to get along with a silk dress and a fifteen dollar Lat. The latest style in vests is to cut them long and button them high, so as to give the wearers a clerical look and prevent them from spitting on their shirt bosoms. Another woman has shot a burglar--this time in Bradford, Pa. Before going through a house burglars shou'd make sure there is nobody but men around. In the bright lezicon of American youth, there is no such word as fail. A man mere- ly becomes embarrassed and compromises with his creditors for thirty cents, Edison has perfected a fog-horn that can be heard ten miles, but when it comes to an invention for getting his hired girl up in the morning, he smiles sadly and falls to musing ou the infinite. A Kentucky man, who was pulled out of the river by the hair, has sued bis preserver for $10,000 damages, It is hoped that the latter would have come down with the cash To be mulcted in $10,000 damages might teach him & wholesome lesson against pull- ing fools out of the river by the hair, and crippling the prosperity of the town, Soriething Fresh./--Anything new or fresh this morning ?' a reporter asked in a railroad office. 'Yes, replied the lone occn- pant of the apartment. (What id it? queried the reporter, whipping out his note book .-- Said the tfailroad man, edging toward the door: "That paint you are leaning against.' Such are the loads a newspaper man must bear, > At a recent meeting a contralto orator named Mrs. Clarke explained how it was.-- +1 knew! said she, 'when I was sanctified, by this ; I made my owndresses, and when they didn't use to fit I got into a rage and scolded, stormed. Now that ugly feeling is all taken away and I could try on my dresses ten times over. to make them fit and never get out of patience, My brelhren, that's the test." ? require the person working it to smbmit to the unpleasant and unbealthy necessity of constant bodily exertion, viz, setting the machine in motion by the foot. Since for pecuniary reasons, the application of elee- tricity, steam or water power was impossible, the inventor of the new machine was restricts | ed to gravitation or elasticity, and he, pre. ferring the latter force, bas contrived to make springs strong enough to keep an or. dinary sized machine in motion for liours'-- A system of cog wheels is arranged unders neath the surface of the 'table upon which the machine is fixed, and by a handle at the side the spring is wound up with the great- est facility. The velocity at which the mas chine is worked is entirely at the option of the person using and. can be regulated ad libitum, and in the simplest manner, + S------ eam pu---- Elizabeth Allen, in a poem asks, 'Oh willow, why forever weep? Elizabeth is a little mistaken as to the facts. It isn't the willow that weeps, it is the boy who dances under the limber end of it, A newly married gentleman of Mrs. Js acquaintance on being asked the other day 'What was the difference between a bride and a bridegroom ?' immediately replied, 'Why one is given away and the other is sold,' 'What was the principal element of my success?' asked a reformed milkman of the other day ; and behold his modesty overcame, his assurance when a ragged boy from the gallery" answered buck : 'Water, you old cheat I wealth at a workingmen"s convention, Had his eyes opened. An old Scotch= man, on marrying a very young wife, wag railled by his friends on the inequality of their ages. 'She will be near me,' he re- plied, 'to close my een! 'Well remarked ancther of the party, 'I've had twa wives, and they opened my cen I' We have never been able to understand how it is that a woman, who is apparently deaf when ber husband asks her where that half-dollar is he lett in his pantaloon's pocket before going to bed, can hear the wail of her two weeks' old laby down twa flights of stairs and through three deal doors. A friend of ours lately went into a pro vision store to purchase a corned tongue.-- The dealer handed him one, remarking that it was very nice, and further more that if' never told a lie. 'It's very evident then,' . remarked the purchaser' 'that it was never engaged in the provision business.' 'Husband,' remarked a won.an to her bet. ter half, who had come home late night be. fore, after exhausting labqis at his account books, 'who is Bill Yard? You mentioned his name several times in yout sleep.' And the husband answered as he brushed the ; the chalk from his coat, 'Why, he, yes !-- Bill Yard --exactly--owes me an account.-- Let's bave breakfast, Mary I" A resident who reached home by a noon train, after an absence of two weeks, was met at the station by his eight-year-old son, who loudly welcomed him. 'Andis every body well. Willie?" asked his father. 'They wellest kind? replied the boy. 'And ned thing has happened ?' 'Nothing atall. I've' been good, Jennies been good, and I never, saw ma behave herself as well as she has' thistime.' © : A negro fuinister who aired rather sooner after fhe death of his first wife than some of (He sisters thought proper and be; coming, excused himself as follows: ¢ My dear bredren and sisterin, my ret wad' } greater than I could bear. 1 tui Kr pe way for peice and comfort, but a I searched the Scriptures Genesee to; Reblation, nd found Ponty of promises to the 'widder; but nore fo the widerer. So I took it dat the guod Lord didu't aste 8 pathy on a man when it was in' bls power to comfott hisself ; and habin a fiussrate chance: to marry, I did so and would do so again, -- Besides, bredren, I consider thut poor was just as dead as she would ever be. "Why isit my, dear sir, said Brown's landlady to him the Sebet day, ¢ that 'yom newspaper men never get rich' ¢ Ido know,' was his feply ¢ except that Sich and sense do not always travel together,"