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"For each line, ++ Cards, nnder 6 lines, per annum , way d | , pre-paid and regester- EE Ad . esa. 5 if 1 De charged. --ption 'taken for loss than six months; wud no paper discontinued until all arrcars are 1 RATES OF ADVERTISING. fist insertion ........$0 08 + 002 . 600 when ads Subsequent insertions, per line .. Letters containing money, at our risk. dyertisements measured by Nonpareil, and charged according to the space they oc- cupy, - Advertisements received for publication. without specific instructions, will be inserted until forbid and charged accordingly. No advertisement will be taken out untilpaid for. A liberal discount allowed to Merchants and others who - advertise by the year or b half-year. pay These terms will in all cases be strictly v.. end to ? Job Department. Pamphlets, Hand Bills, Posters, Pro- grammes, Bill Heads, Blank Forms, Receipt Books, Checks, Books, Circulars, Business Cards, Ball Cards, &c., of every style ant solor, exveuted promptly and at lower rates ¢han any other establishment in the County 865 Partios from a distance getting hand bills, &c. printed can have them done to take home with them. ° J. BAIRD, Jrofessional Cav H. PARSONS, D ANDERSON, MB.MD, F TMS, #0 M.C.£.8,. L.R.C.P. Graduate of the Walversity of Toronto, graduate of the Uni. worsity of Trinity College, Fellow of Trinity Medical Sclool, Member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons ; Licentiatewf the Royal College of Physicians, Bdinburg, #hysician, Susgeon, and Accoucheur. Office wver Mr. Corrigau's Store, Port Perry. H. SANGSTER, M. D., Physician, Sur- J « Beon and Aceouchour, Coroner for the County of Ontario PORT PERRY. Office over Nott's Furniture Store, corner of «Queen and Perry Streets. OfMiee hours from 9 a. m. to 12 m., Residence, the dwelling recently occupied By Mrs. tico, Paxton. WR. WARE, Coronor for the County of DP intartor Physician, Burgeon and Ac- eoneheur, OfMice, opposite the town hall Port Perry. s MF, Mop EN, M.D, M. R. C. 8., Guy's ER Hospital, Loudon, England. The ye Re (HLL aay " Oshawn . tibia PATERSON, (late of Beaverton.) F. . Barrister and Attorney-at Law, Soliel- Hor in "hancery, Conveyaneer, Notary Pab- ie, &e., &e. Offiec over Brown & Currle's Store Port Pervy. HILLINGS Barrister, Solieitor, Notary J « Publis, &e, Port Perry. A large athoinyef money to loan at § (por cent." * PO Or rs FH. FARBWELT, LL. B., County Crown Attorney for Ontario, Barrister, Attorney, &niteitor, nnd Notary Public. Offic lately oe- wcupiad by 8. IL, Cochrane, Esq., Brock street, Whitby. -- § YMAN TL. ENGLISH LL. B., Solicitor in 4 Chancery, Attorney, Conveyancer, &c. Oshawa. ce--Simeoe street, opposite the Post Office YOUNG SMITH, LL. B., Barrister, At- GO torney-at-Law, Solicitor In Chancery, and Insolvency, Notary Public, &e. v OfMce--McMilan's Block, Brock street, .. Whitby. 3 J. A. MURRAY, ATE Patterson & Fenton, Surgeon Dentist, Office over Corrigan & Camp- ell's Store, Port § Perry. All wok done in the very fatest and best style and warranted to give satisfaction, ' Port Perry, March 28, 1877. OC. N. VARS, I.. D. 8. FEETH inserted on all the latest princi- T ples of the act, and as cheap a8 the cheap- est, and as good as the best. Teeth filled with Gold and Silver. Teeth extracted without pain by producing local anwmsth- Dentieal Rooms--in Cowan's new block, over Atkinson's Drug Store, King Street, Oshawa. - : Hanning & Lally. {, SURVEYORS, CIVIL EN- 7. cingeus. Draugbtsmen, Solicitors of Patents. Office, Gould's Block, Uxbridge. 0. @, HANNING. ©. W. LALLY, Money 10 Loaw.=C. G. Hanning, Agent for the Freehold Loan & Savings Co. Uxbridge, March 26, 1879. 3 TENRY GRIST, Patsy _SOLIOITOR AND ' 5 Daaventaay, Ottawa, Canada. Transacts business with the Patent Offiee aud otherdepartments of the Government. Sopyrights. and the Registration of Trade & nd Designs procured, Drawings, . ations, and other Documents neces. sag to secure Patents of Invention, prepared fa receipt of the model of the Invention. © D. BATEMAN, i £ Pi te : 'Weterinary Surgeon, es PORT PERRY. te - . CALLS b r ptly chs bv ely Ry h will be attended to without delay. a--Mary. Street, directly south & Business EATS. ONTARLO BANK. CAPITAL $3,000,000 PORT PREY BRANCH. SAVINGS DEPARTMENT. A Savings Department is now open in connection with this Branch. Deposits of FiveDollars and upwards received and inter- est allowed thercon, No notice of withdrawal required. po 7 LICENSED AUCTIONEER. ETURNING my siricofe thanks to my R numerous friends and patrons for their liberal patronage bestowed upon mo as Auctioneer during the past eight years, I would now beg to offer my services to all who may have Farm Stock, Implements, or other property to sell by Auction anywhere in North Ontario, the township of Mariposa or Cartwright. My long and extensive practice as Auc- tioneer has enabled me to judge the value of Farm Stock with an accuracy second to none in the County, and this is of iinport- ance as il the Auctioneer is not a good judge of the value of Stock lie may soon lose far more than his fee in any sale. Bill stanps always on band. Sale Bills arranged and notes supplied free of charge. 3 Days of Sale may be arranged at the Opspaver Office, where a Sale Register will be kept, Terms Liberal, W.M. W. Port Perry, Sept. 4, 1877. E. MAJOR, © ICENSED AUCTIONEER. Al partics 2 wishing his services can call at the "Observer" Office, Port Purry, and arrange for days of Sales. Port Perry, Jan 10, 1879. ee WM. GORDON, Licensed Auctioneer, Valuator, &e. fer the Township of Brock, Uxbridge, and Eldon, Es" Parties entrusting their Sales to me may rely on the utmost attention being given 10 their interests, WM. GORDON, Sunderland, Brock, T. H. WALSHE, ICENSED Auctioneer for the Township of Brock, Thorah, Mara & 'Rama in North Ontario; Mariposa, etc., in the County Orders left at this office, or at his residence lected in Cannington, or otherwise, and prompt remittances made, Remember-- eer. WM. HEZZELWOOD, Ticensed Auctioneer. HE Undersigned baving taken out a License as Auctioneer is now prepared to attend to all sales entrusted to him.-- Having had much experience in handling Real Estate, Live Stock such as Horses, Cattle, Sheep, &c., also Farming Imple- parties placing their sales in my hands may rely on getting all lor the property that is possible to bring. All orders promptly attended to, sale bills made oul and sale notes turnished free of charge. Parties 1éhving their orders at the Onsenver Office, Port Perry, will receive immediate an. careful attention. Charges Moderate, WM, HEZZELWOOD, Raglan. Raglan, Sept 10,1878. 3 thanks for the very liberal patron: stowed on him in the past wou public generally that having rty and moved into the Vill bert, he will in future gi Laying, Plastering, and everythi can be nice The and first-class workmans! Ta SPENOE. Prince Albert, Aprils, 1876. OHN CHRISTIE, TOWNSHIP OLEREK, Commissioner &c, Office~Maunchester. - T ©. FORMAN, . 186UER Marriage Licenses. Port Perry. Port Perry, July lst, 1874. appointed Marriage Lacense Scott, Thorah, Rama, Mara, Mariposa of Victoria, Residence~~Cannington, Brock. will be punctually attended to. Debts col- WALSHE, the North Ontario Auction ------ \ A 7 M. RPENCE, CONTRACTOR, BuiLosn, &c. The Subscriber In returning his Sluere e be- Id infor the ro- age of Prince ve his whole attention to his business as Contractor, nd is ¢ to undertake Stone Work, Brick now ready to un k, Bricks ng therewith, which he will executeon the short- est a vi in the best and most durable iowest figure at which honk {Jb Rg hs Gost material suer of Marriage Licenses--Conveyancer, 'One door west of the Walker House new Marriage Act. HE CHARLES having been re- ues to fur- So AND 4 TINO. &D. J. ADAMS, Money, Land & Insurance BROKERS, PORT PERRY, 2 ---- : HAR large sums of money on hand for Investment, Mortgages Parchased. A number of excellent Farms for Sale or to Rent. AGENTS FOR THE ALLAN LINE Of Steamships. JOHN & DAVID J. ADAMS, Office in Mr. Ross' Ontario Buildings, Port Perry: Port Perry, Jan. 23, 1870, MONEY TO LOAN. HE Subsoribet is prepared to lend money T on improved property for terms from one to twenty years, Agent for Western Caxapa Loan anp Savivas Company. He has also been instructed to invest a large amount of Private Funds. * Inter st Eight per cent, No Commission. J N. F. PATERSON. Port Perry, May 20, 1878. Solicitor NOTICE TO FARMERS & OTHERS MONEY TO LOAN. HE undersigned would say to the owners of Real Estate, that he has in his hands a laage amount of private funds which he is prepared to invest for periods to suit borrow- ers--interest at eight per cent. Expedition and most reasonable terms assured. 8. H, CHRISTIAN. Manchester, October 17, 1877. MONEY TO LOAN. The undersigned hasany amountof Money to lend upon Farm and Town Property, at Unusually Low Rates of Interest! Loans can be repaid in any manner to suit the borrower. Also several Improved Farms, and Wild Lands for sale, cheap, Investments made in Municipal Deben tures, Bank ond other marketable Stocks. Apply to JAMES HOLDEN, x Broker, &e, April 10, 1873. Whitby, MONKEY [Private * Funds,] terest. LYMAN ENGLISH, Barnisver, &0., Oshawa November 21, 1866. 4 THE ONTARIO Farmers' Mutual Insuance Co'y, Head Office, Whitby, , This Company is now fully organized and is prepared to accept risks on Farm Bnildi and their contents, country School Houses and Churches, Those wishing to insure and thereby support a Home Insurance Company ments of all kinds, Farm Produce, &c, &c., have now an opportunity of doing so, either to the Head Office, or to any of by applying the local Agents of the Company. Our rates , will be found as low as those of any respon- "sible Mutual Insurance Company in Canada, Head Office==Opposite the Royal Hotel Brock 8t., Whitby. C¢. NOURSE, Sceretary. WwW. H. BROWNE, General Agent, NZIE, PROPRIETOR. DE having now fully prepared to furnish first class On Moderate Terms. OC. McKENZIE, Port Perry, Aug. 6, 1873 R. RICHARDSON Ro-appointed Issuer a Marriage Licenses. 1st con Brock, Brock, Aug. 5,1874, 23 COUNTY OF ONTARIO, 1880. Published by order of the Court of Genera Sessions (after sixteen years duty) conti nish Licenses as horctofores--at Port Perry. FOR SALE "Th nglo-American Hotel, Fri 2] pmiNos amr to Ww. rs rin Albert, March 11,1680. I'o Loan on good Farms, at 8 per cent in- PORT PERRY LIVERY STABLES ot uipped his new and extensive Livery Stablss with a supply of superior Horses and Carriiges, is LIVERY RIGS Under the Now Act. Office, lot 10, in the]! Sittings OF the Division Cours Bo ENERAL ADVERTISER: rT PORT PERRY, PROVINCE OF ONTARIO, THURSDAY, JULY 1, 1880. - eee Fhotels. 3 ¥ Sir eny vl W alker House, PORT PERRY. HIE Sueotber having. Joba the shave Thee, it will be i - ln it in every particular so as to merit the approbation and patronage of the public, THE WALKER HOUSE whether for extent or quality of accommo- fations is Sualjed by ow Hotels in the co surpassed Proving a y none out of the Commercial Travelers, the Traveling Public, Farmers and' others doing ind in the Village snd the general public will nd in THE WALKER HOUSE all that can be required in the matter of accommodation and moderation in charges. Lhe Charges are No Higher at the Walker House than at any other Hotel in Town. The House Is fitted up throughout in FIRST CLASS STYLE. The Tables and Bar supplied with the choice of the market and the. utmost bg tion paid to the convenience and comfort of ALL GUESTS. No better stable and shed accommod in the Province, Attentive hostlers, tien © W. HASLAM. Port Perry, Dec. 4, 1879, post PERRY HOUSE, The undersigned having-leased for a term of years this comfortable, pleasantly located Hotel will endeavor by strict attention to the convenicuce and comfort of guests to make the Port Perry House a desirable place of entertainment for the genersl public, Choice supplies for the table and bar, ~ The stable and yard carefully attended to. JOHN R Port Porry, Dec 9,1879. UDDE {oY ukniAL HOTEL, The subscriber having stcceeded Mr, Dewart in the Commercial Hotel, Williams- burg, Cartwright, intends fitting it up with a view to the comfort and 'convenience of guests, The supplies for the table and bar cave- fully selected, > a PETER HOLT, Cartwright, March 4, 1879, x UEENS HOTEL, Corner of Cameron and Laidlaw Sts, CANNINGTON, Oxr. D. CAMPBELL, Prormkron This Hotel is now furnished in the best style, and offers every accommodation to travelers REF" First class Sample Rooms, * Livéry attached, Cannington, Oct, 20, 1875. 4 A NOLO-AMERICAN HOTEL, =} PRINCE ALBERT. W. H. PARK, - the Sheds. best Liquors and Cigars! guests, The tab.e and bar well supplied. W. H. PARK. Prince Albert, June 12, 1815. A BYSTRoNG HOUSE, (LATE ALBION,) WHITBY, ONTARIO. E. ARMSTRONG, PROPRIETOR. HE QUEEN'S HOTEL, WHITBY, ONT, McCANN & TAYLOR, Proprietors. Every accommodation for the traveling public, HITBY, PORT PEI y WwW TY TO RRY & LINDSAY TIME TABLE No. 24. Taking vftoct Monday, Nov 24, 187, TORONTO TIME. Trains Going North, EXPRESS, MATL. Depart. part. Toronto, viaG. T, R. i Whitby JunetionG Whitby... Brooklin. PANDA 208 BELENSTRE 2 {Flag stations--Trains stop on signal-only. WESTERN | TAKEN T0 AND FROM THE STATION AND AROUND TOWN. AY nd 53 VHE Subscriber is prepared T Chests, Trunks, Boxes descriptions of Li way Sta or anyw ra promptly attended to. Ho 2 - ~. JO8..COOK {| Port Perry, Jan. 1, 1874. : : LU GGA G Ba to convey 0 and every other) ig wn, i ¥ Charges; ls] | inl ; EE [el[el{els Ass URANGE COMPANY. 3 a } } : nt! JSCORPURATED 1851. || shop) HE OAPITAL . . 8800000. : i [| [18] 133] (With power to increase to $1,000,000.) BURN vase. dy ARE EL HEAD OFFIOE, TORONTO Z. B. A G. H. DAR! BLL, . Clerk of the Poace, i 0. While Ss sg se orontatia, WM Tnsurances offectod at the lowest LINO. & D. J. anaw i | Port Poy, Jan 23, 1870. - pe zie's Gall Forel tates 8 HeBousih Sa: Kensie's Gallery, Part Perry PROPRIETOR. Having. purchased the above pleasantly i d Hotel, 1.have thoroughly repaired and renovated the entire premises even to The Hotel has been furnished in First-Class Style and Stocked with the Strict attention paid to the comfort of rates on Buildfugs, Merchandise, os or damage i Port Perry. em ------ = ; = = BINEDP PHOTOGRAPHS, ouly $3 A IROTILES for 50 sebls, at Mc~ A Poetical Wedding: MINISTER. This woman wilt thou have, And cherish her for life; Wilt love and comfort her, And seek no other wife? HE. This woman 1 will take That stands beside me now ; TI find her board and clothes, And have no other "frow." MINISTER, And for vour husband will You take this nice young man, Obey his slightest wish, And love him all you can. SHE. I'l Jove him all I can, Obey him all I choose; And when I ask for funds, He never must refuse. MINISTER. Then you are man and wife, And happy may you be! Ar many be your years As dollars in my fee | 'What Saved Him. During the "hard winter" of 1877, when 30,000 unemployed workmen haunted the streets of New York, driven to beggary, or too often theft, a man rung the bell of a house in one of our large cities and asked for something to cat, He told a glib story of hisdischarge from a woolen mill and said he had a wife starving not far away, The mistress of the house made it a rule not togive alms that winter, except after a personal examination of the case of each applicant, She went to the kitchen and order- ed a substantial meal sot before the man, who ate ravenously, Ile was a young, honest looking man, but thero wero heavy marks of dissipa: tion on his face. Suddenly he drop- ped his knife and fork and sat star- ing at the door. . "Who's that?" he cried, "Johnny, Johnny ?" The lady's little child, a girl of threo, had followed her from the nursery, and stood in her white gown in the doorway, her fair curls tambl- ing over her face. The tramp re, covered himself with a coarse laugh, "I beg your pardon," he suid.-- "Tis your child of course--I--I haven't seen a child for along time." Bat his food seemed to choke him, Ina few momeuts he started up agnin and said: "Madam, T am not a workman, I am Jim Floyd, I was discharged yosterday from Moyamensing prison where I was serving out a sentence for burglary, I was once a decent man. 1 left my wife and my old mother and my baby." While be spoke his eyes were fix- ed on the child with a terrible hungering in them, " Little one," said he holding out bis bands with a pitiful entreaty, "shake hands with me won't you? 1 wouldn't hurt a hair of your head." The mother's heart gave a throb. The man was foully dirty, just out of prison full perhaps of disease, But the baby (surely God sent it) ran forward smiling with both bands out. Jim knelt down beside it, tho tears rolled down his cheeks. "Youll go back to Johnny and your wife and your old mother?" said the lady, He would make no promise. "It is too late to make a decent man out ot me," he said, and presently put- ting on his old cap, he went out, Six months later the lady received an ill-spelled letter from Pottsville. «[ am at work here," it said. "That night I had plunned to meet the boys but your little girl saved mo. 1 came home instead. It wasn't too late, - m. The Minister's Reminiscence. , "There is nothing seems to me," said the good deacon, "eo lasting as the impressions of our childhood." "That is so--that is 80," mpsingly roplied the aged minister who had been engaged in the exciting ocupa- tion of looking through the broken- backed family album, "I recall one incident of my own boyhood.-- We had been swimming in the river just behind tho blacksmith shop,into which we had come to dress and dry ourselves by the cheerful blaze of the forge, The smith--a hardy man--how I remember his arms of brown---had for a moment lain down a bit of iron on which he bad been working. The iron had lost it glow- ing eolor,but was still warm, I think --in fact I am quite positive. There was one of the boys a very nice boy. He never did anything wrong, 1 seem to see him now, as be used to out up in school, and unselfishly throw. the blame on the companion. The most of ns boys went barefooted | . .. Akbatnature. 80 he sat down to pull on his stock= ings. Idon't know," continued the aged minister smiling softly through his glasses. "Idon't know to this day how that bar of iron ever got under the boy because I moved it only a very little ways, but, I hope I may never have another donation if he didn't sit down so squarely upon it that it took him fully a minute to get up again, although I assure you, my friends, that he arose with all the precipitate enthusiasm that ought to characterize an oceasion of And 1 believe with tho deacon," he added, beaming happily upon the "assembly, "that the memory of that early impression still clings to that boy; though he is now aged and sedato and an exemplary member of our parish." : And then the peopl smiled in a pleased manner, and said how fanny the minister was, while the good deacon said: "Ah !" and "I'm" and "B'I'm!" and tried to look so uncon- cerned that everybody knew he was the boy. A gontloman once asked a little girl, an only child, how many sisters she had,and was told "three or four." Her mother asked Mary, when they were alone, what induced her to tell such an untruth, "Why, mam- ma, cried Mary, "I diduo't want bim to think that you were so poor that you hadn't but one child, Wouldn't he have thought we were drefful poor." Bqual to the Occasion. 1t was dark in the depot ohe day last week when the evening train came in, An elderly farmer was backed up against the partition, watching in openmouthed wonder the big puffing engine and the yellow covered cars as they discharged their passengors, when a handsome girl in a seal-skin cloak, dashed for- ward, and throwing herself upon the honest granger's manly breast, im- printed a kiss upon his sun-browned cheek and exclaimed : "You dear old pa, I knew you would be waiting for me! And how is Jennie, and John--and oh! pa, you take the check and let's hurry." The granger was old and kind of dmed up, und be had never known what it was to have a wife, much less a daughter. He mistrusted the Nady in the seal-skin sack had made a mistgko, but instead of stammer- ing and homming and hawing he came gallantly up to the scratch, and throwing both arms around the fair creature he made up his mind to be a father to heror dio in the attempt. Imprinting a kiss like the report of a pistol ort hor chock, he enthusias- tically ejaculated : "Qh youn mother's well, an' John an' Henry an' Horace an' Belindy an' Calvin (smack) an' Joshua, an' Poter, (smack, smack) oh, they're ull smart and hearty an'--' By 'the time tho young lady's friends could get to her sho had slid intoastony faint, and they had to lug her bome in a hack, while the aged grangey as he finished the third round with her outraged young man, and sauntered out of the depot, leaving him at the door with a bad eye and a ruptured coat, chuckled to himself : "The old man is getting old and stiff and careless like, but when any young females wants to play any games o' copenhagen. thoy'll find him right to time, and' I shouldn't be #'prised if it rained fore 8 o'clock.-- G'lang Kate I" A Noble Wife. During the revolation in Poland which follow the revolution of Thad: deus Kosciusko, many of the truest and best sons of that ill-fated country were forced to flee for their lives tor- saking home and friends. One of those who had been most eager for the liberty of Poland, was Michael Sobieski whose ancestor had been" a king one hundred and fifty years be: fore. 'Sobieski had two sons in the patriot ranks, and father and sons bad been of those who persisted in what the Russians had been pleased to term rebellion and a price was set upon their heads. The Archduke Constantine was eager to apprehend Michael Sobieski and fearned that the wife of the Pol- ish bero was at home at Cracow,and he waited upon her, Madam," he said, speaking politely, for the lady was beautitul and queenly, 1 think you know where your husband and sons are hiding 7" £4 «I know, sir." 5 "1f you tell me where your hus band is your sons shall be pardoned," he said.. « Andishall be safe?" ' safe and unharmed." bosom, "ha- lies con find him." pardon of the father and sons, S------ -- Chodunk, ploy some little time. telographed to Chodunk 1 -- " How's things 7" Union's whilom editor :-- thing's gone up a thousand. whole concern to thunder, away as long as you like. patch. was was the ticket agont. faced old fibber."" " Why ?" asked Bagshot. hand. ag follows: " Railroad News --The ing down from the cash drawors,"" Bagshot bit his lips. It's my cussed assistant's work, "1 don't care whose work it is, growled the agent, " butif it ain that's all." The Deacon seized him by th shotlder and exclaimed : . item about me?" the colonel. way. You know youdid. Why noticed, lust Sunday night, tryin deacon was full as a goat, cheese." o'clock with a raging toothache 2" «It's that reckless fool whom be comforted by Major Blim. | {WHOLE «Yes, Madam, I swearit. Tell me where your husband is concealed and both you and your sons shall be «Thon, Sir," answered the noble woman rising with a dignity sub- Jimo snd laying hor hand upon her hero--- in the heart of his wife--and you will have to tear this heart out to Tyrant ns he was the -Archduke admired the answer,and the spirit |" which Wad 'inspired it, and deeming the good will of stich # woman worth securing, he forthwith published a EDITOR BAGSHOT'S ASSISTANT Colonel Bagshot runs a woekly news-paper culled the Union, up in Recently the colonel was called away to New York on business loaviug the Union in the hands of an assistant who had beon in his im- Now the colonel knew that said assistant had the cheek ot a brass statue, and the audacity of a New England fly, both indispensable at. tributes to the nows-paper man § but still, after being in the city about a week, he began to grow uneasy, and Came back the answer from the "Bully! Circulation of the old Been gotting up & red-hot paper' and there's a gang outside that are weep- ing because thoy can't hoist the shingles off the roof and knock the Stay Bagshot didn't waste a moment after reciving this encouraging des- Ho started home in the first train, and reached Chodunk before night, The first man that struck bim " Yuook hero, Colonel |" he cried, excitedly, "I've a darnd good notion to punch your head: you brazen- " Read that!" and the ticket agent shoved a crumpled Union in his There was a paragraph, marked bandy- legged idiot who robs the railroad compéiny at this village has purchas od anew pocket-knife. More knocks " Bill," said he, " that's a calumny and I'll see it right in our next, \ t contradicted, somebody's got to die; Bagshot didn't reply, but sailed down the street to the Union office, He had not gone half a block be- fore he collided with Deacon Marsh, « What do you moan, Bagshot, by inserting that scandalous untrue « Didn't insert any item," replied «Don't sneak out of itin that just cut it of the * Union "--listen, «Religious Intelligenta.~That whit- od sepulchre, Deacon Marsh, was to open the coal hole in front of his residence with his night key. The and couldn't tell moonshine from green «Now that's nice, ain't it saying that I was intoxicated Saturday night' when I went to bed at seven loft in charge," groaned the colonel : «Pll make all tight, Marsh," and Bagsnot scurried on again, only to «Colonel! uttered Blim fn his deepest voice "thisis villainous | | *Oh you unfeeling Parker, you ought to rail. The idea of making dead child. : " How 7" : "How! Have you th this into the Union did beartloss hypoorit'-- Omroany. "They'll bury him to-morrow, At a quarter after four. Of course Bagshot bad to explain, and promised the bereaved fathers two columns notice of the dead Ben~ ny's many virtues. Hardly had he doné so, before Cooley appeared. "Colonel Bagshot," announced bo "You'roa lying scoundrel. This is a nice thing to put in your blacks guard sheet about a young lady :" Soctety Items--Miss Cooley, the old hag on south street, waltzes around in a patent bustle in the hope of catching a fellow, But she can't} not even if she lays the paint on twice as thick ds she doos now. But Bagshot didn't stop to hear it, He flew across the square and fn. to the Union office like a flash, No one was there. That able as- sistant editor, warred by friends un- . known, had dusted forever. Lying on the desk was a Union folded so that this notice caught Bagshols eyes: Literary Men--The bald~headed snipe who pretends to ran this paper has gone to New York, We expect to bear every moment of his sen= tence fo Sing Sing for arson and highway robbery. The citizens of Chodunk should congratulate them- selves if the colonel does not disgrace his village by being bung for infan- ticide 1" Bagshaw never intends to employ anothor assistant editcr, and journd alists in search of a situation, will find it boealthy to keop away from him.-- EB, I. Ten Eyck. Josh Billings' Advice to Joe. By awl means, Joe, get married, if you have a fairshow. Don't stand shivering on the bank but pitch rite in and stick your head under, and the shiver is over. Thete ain't no more trick in getting married than there is in peanuts. Menny a man has stood shivering on the shoar un- until the river run out, Don't ex- pect to marry an angel; them bave all been picked up long ago. Res member, Joe. you ain't a saint your- soli. Do not marry for buty ex- clusively; buty is like ice, awful slippery, and thaws dreadful easy; don't marry for luv, neither, luv is like a cooking stove,good for nothing when the fuel givesout. But let the mixture be some buty, becom= ingly dressed, with about $250 in her pocket, a gud speller, handy and neat in her house, plenty of good sense tough constitution and by-laws,small foot, a light step; add to this sound teeth and a warm heart. This mix. tore will keep in any climate and will not ovaporate. If the cork 1 happens to be left out the strength ain't gone, Joc. Don't marry for pedigree unless itis backed by bank notes. A family with nothing but pedigree generally lacks sense. ' © g PIE-CRUST WITHOUT LARD. Take good, rich buttermilk, soda, and mix just as soft as can be mixed and hold together; have plenty of flour on the moulding-board and roll= ing pin; then make and bake as othor pies, or rather in a slow oven, and when the pie is taken from the ovendo not cover it up. In this way a dyspeptic can indulgein the luxury ofa pie. i A Wolf in Sheep's Olothing.~ Currrow, Jane 31.~A man representing hima. self to bo & Rev. Mr. Holmes arrived # 1 Is my intention, sir, tocall you and shoot you through the . head. What the dence do you mean by publishing this note in the Union.' -- Military Jottings.--Major Blim, the tattered old beggar, who hid in an oyster barrel durring tho battle of Bulls Run wears a wig. He onght to be shot in the back with a buked apple." shot wiping his forohead, "it's all}: owing to that young devil in the] office He had made a red-hot paper. Just wait Major, and I'll fix things." Then Bigshot started again. By the post oftice old Parker grabbe then, but. this one was an exception, _ 1 bimy fraudulently the sum of been made to capt Itis learned that. « I canyt belp it; Blim," said Bag-|{ =