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_VOLXV,N0.83.{ ~~ Be Hntarin fbsseber, | A WEEKLY POLITIOAL, AGRICULTURAL AND Fam ip Newspaper ; V8 PUBLISHED AT THE VICTORIA BLOCK, PRINCE ALBERT COUNTY OF ONTARIO, FF CD. ae ; L Dental opera tions rng with the 2 uliion ih 3 and care, warranted to givesatisfaction or no charge, and at prices , hig defy competi Also dealer in ve ads of Jewelry, Fancy oods, &c. Romexom_ 11.7 lees Font Aone; Rev. Fvery Thursday Morning |] T Bye Whitby; jos." Gould, »yo Uxbrid 3, Dec. 17, 1868. So-1y ie ep ent | BAIRD & PARSONS, 1=$1.50 eranuuim, if aid withinsix tha 0. Nosul six ed until Aararsare RATES OF ADVERTISING. For cach line, firat insertion... $0 08 Subsequent insertions, per lint 0 02 Cards, under 6 lines, per annum...... 5 00 tothe space they occupy. dunt until paid for. Aliber bythe year orhmif-y¢ JOB DEPARTMENT. any other Establishment i in this County! Parties from a distance an have them done to take home with HY no paper Lstterssontainingmoney, when addressed to hisUilice pre-paidandregistered, willbeatouirisk. Advertisements measured in Noupareil andcharge cedrd slo Advertisements received (or publication. without specific instructions, will beineerted until forkid.em le in: Noadvertisemeni willlietuken ntallowedto Meichants and others whpadvel 3 (Het an "be siriets yade syle aud color, executed promptly and at lower rates etting haudbills, ny + printed C. N. VARS RACTICAL Dentist, Oshawa, Ont.-- a RET {og surance Simca e street; third door north FRSUTANCE,. THE ONTARIO FARMERS' * Mutual Insurance Company TES Con Comp upany is mow fully organized and is pal accept risks on Farm Buildings and her 65 contents, country School Houses and Churches. Those wishing to insure and thereby support & Home Insurance Company have now an opportunity of doing so either by applying i] the Head Office, or to any of the local A of the Company. Our rates will be found as low as those of may responsibleMutual Insurance Company in Sanads, 14 logis ce--The of try Office Build- ings Brook Street, Whi . Poster i L. FAIRBANKS, J Habit hie Foray tices i Taina, fect, orks 27-1y 2 : ok A e Seerstary irculere, Business Il Cards, &e.. of every . TORONTO, C. W, \ J. BAIRD, | H. PaRsONS. s i PORATED... J Professional Cars. PED. cain ¥} ~~~ | Capital ea $400,000 Dr, Brathwaite, : bend *$ PRINCE ALBERT, J «HON, sou MehyaRice Physician, Surgeon, and Aceoucheur. DR, WARE, (ORONER' for the County of 'Ontario, and Aecoucheur, _J Physician, Prince Albert ------------------------------------------------------------------ C. E. MARTIN, M, D., PORT PERRY. DRS. JONES & MALLORY, ' Pris Surgeons and Aceoucheurs, PORT PERRY. Ofice--over Allison's Drug Store, Queen-st. . JOKES, M.D, CORONEE. 4. E.BeLLony, Co. Untario, uD, Co, Surgeon Drs. McGILL & RAE, E1 HYSICIAN Residences, "HE. WGILL, M.D. ing street, Oshawa. FRANCIS RAE, B. regret toe lie Sere WM, F, MeBRIEN, If. B., E.R.C.8, | GUY'S HOSPITAL LOWDON, ENGLAND. " THE EYER.O.H L., Oshawa. J. EB. [FAREWELL LLB, Surgeons, &c., &c. Office and yep Sr & Willoox, : LICENSED AUCTIONEERS FOR THE COUNTY OF ONTARIO, Valuators, Land Agents, Commission erchants, &c, ACCOUNTS COLLECTED PROMPTLY. Monoy to Loan at 8 per cent. E. MAJOR, W. M. WILLCOX, BoRELIA. Price ALsert. Sept. 82, 1870. i 39 Wm. Gordon, COUTKY 'CROWN ' ATTORNEY FOR Licensed Auctionoer, Valuator, « © ONTARIO, RARuSTER Attorney, Soligitor, and No- an lately sonapied by S. M. Cochrane, ithy. Ba, Brock street, FR the Townships rock; i Uibrides Scat, Thora, Mare, Rama, Mariposa and Eldon. 3" Parties entrusting their Sales to me may selspn the utmost attention being given to oLINAN ENGLISH, L.L. B, WM. GORDON, OLICIT in Chancery, Attorney, Gopyayanteride, Oshima. OMos---Si on Sunderland P.O., Brock. street, Opposite the post office. G. YOUNG SMITH, LL. B ARRISTER, Attorney-at-Law, Solicitor in ObaRsstyy robe 3 Notary Pab imiieih 's Block, Whit- oo Ontario. EJs hes CAMERON & WACDONELL, ARRISTERS and Attorneys at Law, Attent ntion! ectfally call the The undess) ned wid r res goed services of an attefition of wisliing 1! Auctioneer, that ne is.prepated to attend sales on the shortest notice anywhere in the County of Ontario. ' Blank Notes and Bill Stamps kept constantly on han He is sole Agent for the best and. cheapest foo) Sewing Machine in the Dominion--pat- 2 June, 1871. The Putent Letter A Famil, DS siiere Contiy Council Ontario. Offices: Sea, is acknowledged by Tailor, oo. t --, | | #1. 3. MaODONELL. Milliners, and all who know 'the properties' Sewing M who have had the pleasure of © JAMES LAMNON, = OENEY at L Solicitor | h TIOBNEY at] Lan oitor 1p 0 ya 4 bridge. Office over Armstrong's pr = the the bes! street, Uxbridge. . | JOHN BILLINGS, 4 LEE 3 Arsads, J. W, BURNHAM, i '. CRE erry. (Oftico hours - . DIyL 6 =i : : «ml LC JAMES HOLDEN, x Official Assigtiee, Broker, &c. : . | Sr eS a Marriage Licenses y (ET i 2 i : nn + Issued hy Aunty, ' ; HENRY GRIST, arnden,L.D.8., | jivy 1iisto MAJOR. |" PATENT SOLICITOR AND DRADGRISMAN, lsd Mahan De i Tou Wath apt Sovelery "Trin. pr Pt Office arid OFFICE, - - queEN sTREET, ¥ Eon G. GOT TE NL " TET Sp the vio vornmotl, Copy. PORT PERRY. sre ty 41 Gren Dn: Bac a cians, RESIDENCE-PRINCE ALBERT. : ow to ann, ir, Allin Ba hn, Gi of ie i Hipage on revs BAT ol. PE ERR, SEP Mineral mounted on Gold, Sitver and rire i Clocks | Was anh Fr. Au tario, Bank an Ton. Jona Cu mw Tr ia vi Gold so oo aye an JR Hs" hy on sold Sas Work ark: Ho (Oniarig: Oxide Gass afminatered for the : WG ihe ra | TT JOHN CHRISTE, is, Oe a Bn ade ODE pl Ly Fh) Emeatwgon five ant I work ir A Hs y wo Seva. en Wi Simone te Ou rl Sachogter, Rn Stion ARRISTER, Avaey of Laws Susie Solicitor A pt ia the He Royal - TALS - $a 2a { rons Kugtioneer for iti " A Thong Vix Port PL 3 n Cort. Office etamining it_to be the best and Sheapest | in the Dominion, Ladies make sure work; and pi chase the Patent Letter A, aids au will t machine for $30. I 'Machines; wa "Orders attended to on the sliortest notice. J. C. PILKEY, x Sore Acen Bpsom, Sept. 7, 1871. i ; ships of Bro Mard '& a in es ., in the he Contd oe fetal this ioe or at fh Seton rec Son Be desl ly attend ed to. Davis colléctedin Can ingto; bara an pt' remittances | made; be po mber-- WALSHE the North One|. 0 Huctioneer. SargeonDentist, Sk MainaBioek St. Uxbridge WESTERN ASSURANCE COMP'Y| (ioe "PRINCE ALBERT, ONT, THURSDAY, AUGUST 8, 1872. _ Hotels Royal Canadian Hote Hotel, : PORT PERRY. nn Th ubscriber having leased the above Hotel ed up inebitae in keeping nh the aly Bt, buginess and pros; ot the Village and neighbor! and wit! a rect re- ference to the comfort and convenience of the public. * Strict attention paid to the Table and the Bar. Comfortable Stables and attentive Hostlers. Neither labor wor expense. will be spared in making the Royal Oanadian Hotel worthy of public patronage. HENRY FOY. Port Perry, June 16, 1869. phe lsidingrisdh aatainlotel Ssinae RE RH ADE P, "REVERE HOUSE." MANCHESTER B. PLANK,. »PROPRIETOR. HA AVING purcl the above hotel, and has furnished the Bar with the choicest liquors and cigars. Bvery attention paid to guests.-- Stages to and from hitb, daily. Carcful ostlers always in attendance: Mackie's Hotel, (LATE BRODIE'S,) WALTON STREET, PORT HOPE. Wn. MACKIE, Proprietor. Jewett's Hotel, KENT STREET, LINDSAY. Good stable and shed 'attached, and an attentive ostler always in attendance. Free Omnibus to and from the Cars and Boats. DAFOE HOUSE ; UTICA 00D accommodations. Careful attention uirements of travelers and guests. The bar supplied yi the best wines, liquors and cigars Good,sta oliok, . DAFOE, Proprietor. Contre Hotel, SAINTFIELD, JAS. 'CAMERON, Proprietor. Albion lotel, A. ao "atta Proprieron. This Hotel has undergone a thorough renova- tion and been fitted up with a view to the com- fort and convenience of the traveling public.-- Every attention will be paid to the table and bag, while ebliging i atientive hostlers will have charge of the stabl 'Whitby, 20th June, 1870. '28 OHAS. THORN, VS, EM lofthe Veterinary Institute, Chica~ 89, Gold Medalist for the best exam- nation 1D Home ractice. Author ota First Pile Essay on Shoeing. Graduated Sept. 18, 18617 Dr. Thorn begs to announce that he has taken up his residence at Port Perry. and is now pre- pared to treat all cases entrusted to his eare in the most skillful and scientific manper. All or- ders left at the Medical Hall of Messrs. Allison & Pettet, will receive prompt attention. ¥¥ The Veterinary Stables may be found om Lilly street, opposite Cossitt's Factory. Port Perry, July 21, 1871. 80 : JOHN MeDONALD, MARBLE DEALER NEWCASTLE, ONT. ONUNPNT Tomb-Tables, Head-Stones of vagiety, with every description of Marble Hi suitable for Cemeteries, supplied at short notice. Also Peterhead und Aberdeen Granite, 0G~ Perties will tage do withhold 1 on by ud it to their advan- eir ordere until called J. ©. WILLIAMSON, Agent. i Satistaetion guaranteed, and all work war- oa 10, 1872. 3-re "MONEY T0 LEND! " Tus ea has id amount of Money to lend upon Farmh Town Property, at 3 3 83 FF « [Cnsuilly Low Rates : of I nlerest. 2 4 h-B-D Loans can be" 'repaid' in any manner to suit the borrower. :2 K14o 'several Improved Farms, and Wild Land tor sale, cheap. Juyestiments nade | HMunici | Debent ik and other pris ta lo Stocks. opeIi * | Smithfield before. First Baby. Mre. Philips was on the very pinvacle of felicity, She was the mother of a boy that weighed eleven. pounds. Mr. Philips bid fair to lose his mind entirely. He danced snd sung, and fired guns from the lop of the coru-house, and whistled Yankee Doodle while eating his breakiast, and wrung the necke of all the fowls on the place tv make a pi for the celebration, This worthy couple had been married ten years, and this wae their firet ohild.-- People had laughed at them ten years on acoount of this luck-- people who were over-run with children, and whose lives were made miserable by the scoldings and spankirge they found it necessary to infliot 8 | upon their wretched little olive planta. Now Mts. Philips said she guessed they"d laugh out on the other side. There had never been so large a baby born in Mre. Jonds' only ighed rice pounds, and had s pug nose. Mis. Sawyei's had a mole on ils right foo --a sure sign the! it would come to a bad end--and it only weighed seven pounds and 'fourteen 'ounces. Sue guessed folke had better look 10 home before they lsugh- od. Baby proved s Tartar. He had a temper like a windmill, and seemed determined te develope his fest and lungs to the wtmosi while he kad leisure, for he soreamed and kicked iwenty-three hours oul. of the twenty-four. Bet his mother declared he was an angel. From the hour in whieh the baby was born it became the autosrst of the houeshold ; everythiog had to bow te his nod. The soullery door creaked ; it wae taken off its hinges, and the servant wes lin the draft all (be time, beeause the creak might disturb the baby. For the same reason the coflee-mill wae moved into the woedshed, the dishes musi be washed out of doors=-- the clatter of the plates made baby scream : the washing was dune in the barn ; the dog was muszied sud the cat was ehohed, ull from tear of disturbing baby. The child's dreaacs wore legion. It wis a wonder thet it could draw its bresth with so many ailments clinging 10 it. Mra. Pailips was contioually on the wateh for some new demonstration. ¢ Charles!' eried she, waking her husband from slumber one cold night, ¢ it seems to mo that the baby don't breathe right." Ms. P. sprang up and listened; ¢ Gued gracious, he's got thie enifffes, ein't he * Mr. P. got a light, end the etikiovs patente brought it te bear or the face of their ehiid. « Oh heawens !" cried Mis. v., "hie face is sctunlly purple! he's going to hate the soaviet fever. See that red-spot om his | etbow.? It may be hero bo's Taid on it enid Mr. P. ¢ Laid on it? Oh, you unfeeling man! and there it is sucking its thamd! Run Charles! run for a dovtor! " Don't stop te dress --it may die while yva're wailingi-- Call for Granny Bates and tell her te bring some cainip, and tue, and pepperment and -| eafiron--all the beibe she's got ; Sud hurry, Charlee, do.' Me. P. caught wp, the first article: of clothing he cotld lay his hands on, which proved to be an embruidered pelticoat of bis wife's, but he was in too much haste to notice' dress paiticularly. He flung the garment over his head, and tied it around his waist--slipped on his shoes and planged out, The dootor didn" care about' running out, but on being told it was a case of life and death he yielded at once. Mr, P. then arrived at the residences of Granny Bates. The old lady. was dreadfully superstitions and believed religiously in af paritions.-- He gave a thundering rap at the door, and directly a night cep appeared a) Sn_open | window. ¢ What do you want at this time o' night, and sho be yo I' said B cracked voios. "Philips stepped out, plainly revealed by the light of the moon. ¢ Grucious massy'!' otied the old woman, it is an apparition from the other world! And ite got a scolloped petticoat on, Lawd! I didu't tink that they wasted' Yanerities like that}? «Get tp, Granny,' cried P. «Baby's awful sick; he's got the sniffles, and I dunt kbhow what else. Uh, I'm suse he's dying, get up quick, and come along." ¢ Not 1! ain' so green as to trast' thy old body wilh supernatural ghosts,' and down went the window with a bang. Philips pounded at the door till he was tired, and then made tracks for home. 5 Dr. Gray had just arrived. Mrs. Philips Pa | wae just preparing to go into hysterics as soon as she beard his opinion. Baby was much worse; it not only' suck- od its thumb, but wiggled its 10es. 'Itcould not last long. The dolor, with a 1 { her mistress with ph Mr, Philips stood by; wiping hik eyes with the drapery of his; scant attire. ro $ Oh doctor, doctér,] will at dio 7. Only, save.il, and you may take ell { havo! arid | bai gu¥'ner's a little wild" Yet, | but" he' ri Iz | face, entered (He sick room. 'Biddy rabid 'Mr. Philips, wringing, hex "handa, th get on my knees and | hank you for ever.' « Keep your sitting,' said the doctor tak- ing a Targe pinch of spnfts +» Don't keep 1nd in suspense. : Oualy look at ite pregious little arm! What is it 2. For the love of heaven tell me. Lel me know the worst I! : : « Well, marm, if I speak out, will you promise not fo bi ame me ?* asked the doo- tor, «No, no?' ¢ Marm,' said he, with his Jong face oti! further elongated, ite my opinion as a man and a physician, that the ebild has bean bitten by four bed-bugs, or eles it has been bitten in fon: places by ore insect of thet di p ¢ Dr. Gray,' seid the father, ¢ do you mean lo ipsult ue 7' ¢ By ne means, air,--1 repeat it,' ¢ No you don,' yelled Mi. P ¢I\%s enough to izeinuate that T have bed-bogs 10 say nothing of your [ibel en that little en- gel cherub. Get ont of this hoose this in- elanl, yon mean, "ohealing, insulting old vagabond I' And seizing the butier-ladle from the table, where Biddy hed placed it full of hot pepper tes, she flung it et him, The Doctor knew enough sbous womea to tesligo that in fight lay safety, sna with a bew, be backed off the steps and started for ie gig. The ground was inclined and quite icy. His heels (lew up, bis head went down, and his whole body sprung off dewa the bill hike s steel shod gutter. Mra. together ai the foot of the Bill in » water trough ; but no wetds of sympathy were ex- changed. The baby hved and throve. older it Uictatership became more pnd ore tor the greater part of bis time, thet the baby might ride en bis beck ; and Mrs. P loft off wearing hoop: skirts ad wen! with her arme bare because the steel' springs in her dress hurt the buby. oreokety in the hoode-- pounded it" wilh the hammer ; kicked His heels through 8 look- ing-glass and tore (bd ifwarde out of pe's gold watch. wumolested. Th pleased the dieary, weary, seary baby, hie wother said, the little suger plumm} baby. ~--bare-beaded, and wearing:a wild ex pred: sion of countenauce--huriying at a [liantio role 19 the joiner's shop where her husband worked, Aud insently she re-appoared followed with Phillipe ai a dog trot. Old Bguire Swith saw them, snd: being « wan who lived iu constant dread of fire, be thought that the house of Philips wes in flames ; und at the wp of hie lange he cried out, ¢ Fue, fire, fire!' ¢ Where? whee ? cried a scote of sei ces. « Philips' bouse,' cried the eld gentle- man. The firemen gathered, got gut their en- gine, and sau with wil spved to the fated house, bul to their supreme astonishment they did pot so much es smell » Pus of smoke iu that region. ¢ 18 this the house, allow me te inquire, ma'am, thal we were 10 spout ou 1' anid he foreman. ' ¢ | don't understand you,' ssid Mrs. Py ¢ bat the baby hes walked two eps on hiv (vet alone.' 4 Bold, by Jupiter!" oried 'the* roi: 3 ¢ and now, boys, here's three times three men.! ; And thay ve three cheers; drank » barrel of cider, which Ms. P. called out, and returned home, ¥ A A Ifa man falls out of the. window; whai does he fall againel 7. Against his will. The' Tenipertnce Banner of 'Attiva, N.Y. han for its Motto : « Fight for' the right' "ud never get light" ¢ You saved my lify dupe battle of Mal, vern Hill,' said « beggar 4» a caplain.-- ¢ Saved your lilal How 1 I served under you and whep you ran awgy, I follow- it bongo roted muy A good natured traveller fol! saloepin o train, and was oarsied beyoud his deslina~ tion. ¢ Preity good joke. bie, isn't it said he 10 & fellow passenger. = * Yes, but a litile'too far ii was the ejdin. der. ' The New York Herald calls Sing Sing the « Hudson River Thief' Manufactory snd Normal College of Cotiviets.' Thie ising. Lrg) hu fn : Detront. apidly in a stray father the 1gh he remarked, with filial extilta out of it. 1) Bat a boy thus excused him: to the police : ¢ Sure, bag filial beard a short' tite since, and by a's soom and undressed without lighting candle. He got partly into bed, when h 'save me I parison. howard; 'are you wi crazy? Bless m Why, it's Ned himself. What oo ear! lumps or his forehead. * you shiavet 'Tt was all clear to him then. ber huaband for en intrudes. She opoke her terro) was too great sod eh fainted, Hi husband's on" his forehead. 'Mdtters were 'finall Baby made a complete Wreek of all the straightened up at home, but in' the streets his friends paséed him 'without speakioy, and ai the bank he was not only refused fast driving and, violation of the rules.-- paymont of a draft, but threatened with |* Noi at all," eaid the doctor, resolved not arrest for signing his own name in endorse- | 10 be done ; ¢ the*fact is, my horse was de- Of course a little explanation | 'ermined to go, and [ felt too lazy la stop blought the various affairs ail right, but | him.' One day whea the baby was & year old it took 60 much time to explain, and for the the village inhabitants were sturtled' by the concassion on hia forekead to get well, that disheveled spparation of Mrs. Phillipa-- the aforesaid citizen vows he will never shiave agsin, 'as he considers it a habit ment. dangerous to peace, and even to life. ar a Ares the better. whep ity empty? A big hole. When no one will take i. : man? A payingione. oojeet ey, Madam. A qpa the sizp of on oan't ory down, found, and. that's lanlt, exhales from the presence of inferiors. i The last thing seen by many peop would next week. The most 'striking Uifferenice between glass reflects without speaking. and I defy the alligator.' , | A Hartlorder advised s: slender fiend as a billiard cue. something, A cotemporary Rotiibet tis i lar iv of a shirt. x is gorie rv d for the hush AN. VASORTVAATE SHAVER. A worthy oltizen © undertook to trim his an unusual occurrence, so he silently enter- od by meds of & latéh-key, sevght his own wife astonished him by uttering s long and prolinged acream. He waa very mich alarmed, aud fasred ahe had lost her reason. He implored her to tell him whai was the As the sounds ot his voice she soreamed--¢ Oh Edward, come quick, and 'I sm here, dear,' said he; but she only esreamed the louder at the words. Hey sprang out of bed, aod had just eirucka light, when bis brother-in-law, a muscular six-footer, tughed into the room, aod with a poker aimed 8 blow at his head. Ia & minute a pale-faced man, with a long white robe, staggered under the blew which had doubled the size of his organ of com- * Groat heavens I' exclaimed the hean!* shouted the muscular brother-in-law lempled, you .to get youreelf up ig that P., nothing daunted, rushed after him and [#3107 ¢ What alyle I" asked the much [if he had the running of this funeral, he'd ehared the auine fate. The two brought up bused husband, as he rubbed the growing | pave heen under the ground an hour and & Why, when did | half ago. His wife had put wp ber band in the duk, As it low and meeling the shaved face of man, touk wah drganized in London and one of the recovered from her faint | the other members. only 16 faint agsin'al the recognition of her | a time that a member, a doctor, was seen Aven face-and the poker-mark'| driving posi-hast through the streets to "visit Have but few confidante, and the fewer What can a man have in his pocket What in better than. a piomising young k doctor siaeanally temetkable for Thiers sepms 0 bay wu that the Frenoh There's one thing thet can sjmara be The most dangerops flattery is ih which who have come to violent deaths was kero- Hioghs had his nose pulled and was ask- \0.4he baby thet's walked iwo sleps--hearty | ad by & friend to resent it. He said Le fool and & Jooking-glass' is, 'that the fool speaks without reflecting, and the looking: An indignant orator, at a recent: politicai meeiing, in tefuling an opponent, thundered out: ¢ Mr. Chairman, | scorn the allegation chalk his heed and go 10,» masquerade ball (The most pitable object on i is aman whose wife wanle to. ag him out of doing more evidence of wisdom 'hey ® paper eol- Bonth the tfagddian, had & broken nose. A lady once remarked to him, ¢ I like your acting, My. Booth ; but to be frank with you--1' can't get over your nose! ¢No wonder, madem,' foplied he ¢ the bridge Once on, a time, 8 at the faneral of a wife, WHOLE NO. 760 A Grim Joke, The late Isasc O. "Burtios bas been the pot sutject of many good stories, one of which the scissors spoiled the out. He trimmed o little more, sud still mote, bus it would look bas not found its way into pit. He had been invited to attend the funeral of a par- lopsided, so he went to the batber's aod {ticular friend and crony, and as the decens- got shaved for the firet lime in years. (ed had, at their last interview, specially He was very busy, and detained | urged his being present, he felt in duty him in his office until a late b t of the |bound to respond. Arrived ai the house of night, dud when be went found | mourning, te found the family assembled that his family had vetived. was uot [in a very small and uncomfortable room, in the middle of whieh stood the coffin that all might take a last look at the face of the a |deperied. The wervice was conducted by is | two clergymen, friends of the family, who wilh their long prayers and extended re- marks," consumed fully two hours, "during which Mr. Barnes suffered untold agony of suspense and impatience. Hardiy had the second minister pronounced his ¢ amen' when Barnes, in his well-known squeaky voloe turning to the person sitling néarest 10 him, said : ¢ Did you know Kul 7? ' Yes, oir,' said the man addressed, in a low voice. ¢ Good fellow, wasn't he ocntinued Barnes. ¢ Yes sit,' still in a supressed tone. ¢ And he was a mighty smart one too,' squeaked Barnes. ¢ Very sman,' almost whispered the sthet y as the company present begsn to look in thay direction. phat h| ¢ Yes, he was,' piped Barnes, stili louder wilh one of his expressive expletives, ¢ and EC CC {ft Some years ago a Lazy Man's Society vited that no man belonging to absolute. Philips was down og ell "Yours | od this voice as firs, but the second time he | the society should ever be in a hurry, if he o | violated this article he was 10 stand treat 10 Now it happened on y | a patient. The .members yf the dociety saw him, and chuckled over the idea of a treat, and on his retnrn reminded him of his They did not catch him that time. ee -- A Yarkee passing along the street was painfully bitten by an ugly dog. A single blow of a hesvy stick, skillfully aimed, was sufficient to kill the animal 1nstattly. But the enraged pedestrian still continued to pummel the corpse till little of the canine remained. At lengih he was accosted with : ¢ What ate you about ? that dog has been dbud these fen minutes past.' <I know it," was the reply, 'but I want to When dogs & man 'have © keep his word? | give the beast a realizing sense that there is punishment after death." ---- QI ---- eee. A Down- er arrived in New York, and took lodging at one of the high houses. 14 Doctor, i is light lacing injurious 9 «Of [Telling the waiter he wishied to be called in the morning for the boat both of them proceeded on their winding way upward, ull, having arrived at the eighih flight of stairs, Jonathan caught the'arm of his guide and accosted him thue : ¢ Look here stran~ ger, if you intend to call ize al six o'clock in the morning, you might as well do is now, as 'twill be that time before 1 can get down again.' ---------- = ------ le| A prety, bright little juvenile some five yours old, numed Rosa, was teased a good | deal by a gentleman who visited the fam= ily. He finally wound up by saying, « Rosa, I don't love you.' ¢ But you've got torlove me,' said the child. ¢ How eo?' said the tormeator. ¢ Why,' said Ross, ¢ the Bible says that you must love them that hate you,and I am sure that I hate you I" a sil An author has reason to believe that whenever the wages of the mechanics are raised to eight and ten dollars a day, the workmen will not come at all--they will to| merely send their cards. ee ---- ii. § Prisoner, why did you follow the man and beat and kick him eo shamefully 2°-- « I'm sorry, your honor ; but I' wae a little drunk, and thought it was my wife. Ls pr ¢ Your drees," said a gentleman to his no | fashionable wife, < will never 'please the men.'--¢ 1 don't dress to please men,' was the reply, 'but Yo worry other wo= men." ---- I ---------- te The following composition has beer] tarned out by en American scholer, aged nine yeais : --¢ A 'boy without 'father in a | norphan, without a mother «doable orphan but is oftenest without ® grand father or Eradmathat. and then Hie id A A {hs carriage, ¢ Must 1, sid the broken-hearted '° | mau, ¢ must I rig V1. [ think yom will have 10," answered ~The wothier of an yFawwissagenbio Trish Patsy isn' a bad boy. at all; but he' must,' eaid the stricken. man, but to ride | only Xopd with § rely of wind. 0 ay otpasion.' the and mother-in-law to_tide in the same with that awful woman ? | undertaker, "It will disturb every oauiage of the procession lo make a chai and | you must ride here." ¢ Well, if rl ing in bw tea with her deatroys all thy 'plotaurs on hie ; what's afoot Sr eres engaged in | discussing politics before a country store, attracted the attention of an aged agricul 'he taralist. « There's | consumptive BL du sardonio % ) r ' . oiesome sve nro uot