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my" Scugog Citizen -- Tuesday, June 1, 1993 -- 15 4 Call the SCUGOG CITIZEN FOR REAL ESTATE & CLASSIFIED ADVERTISING RATES & INFORMATION CITIZEN LO T3 BLACKSTOCK. Two storey 3 bedroom great family home. Large eat-in kitchen, separate dining room with walkout to deck. Large family room with brick firepl Full finished b: Plus - Plus. - Plus! Craftsman's delight. 1700 '8q.1t. 2 storey annex presently used as a ial, great for rker 6r convert to an inlaw apartment. Large pn size lot Kr ic farmland. Now listed at $229,000. 3 One of Scugog's most attractive acreages is being offered for sale. Located on Scugog Island with 20 - PORT PERRY CASTLE HARBOUR Quality 3 bed b h kitchen with nook and walkout. Formal dining room with french doors. Living room with brick fireplace. Master bedroom has full 4 piece ensuite, 3 car garage, on over 1 1/2 acres of professionally landscaped lot with garden and trees. Come see for yourself, Asking $269,000. Pe -- Re LB PORT PERRY PLAZA (416) 985-9777 Fax985-9161 Pollag Covering'. Lane Hetiions frepiace in living room, eat-in kitchen with vaulted ceilings and walkout to covered deck, 2nd fieldstone fireplace in rec room has airtight insert and walkout. Custom window coverings, 400 amp service, air condition > heat pump are just a few of the features of this well built home which overlooks stream and pond. 32 x 80 beef bam has loose housing and steel box HOBBY FARMER' S DELIGHT stalls, 2 paved driveways, too many features to mention here. Offered at $749,900. Please call to view 985-9777. Member Oshawa & District Real Estate Board Member Lindsay & District Real Estate Board 'Here's the low-down on real estate lingo by Mark Smith For anyone who regularly reads the classified, especially the Real Estate section, you would come across a selection of phrases that defy common sense. The imaginative words are often used to make a property sound mbre appealing; cause the ready, to spring to action and reach for the phone in search of Shangri- la. So in an effort to clear up any misconceptions some of you may have in regards to ad titles, I am presenting "If Webster Were A Copy Writer" guide to understanding ads. Port Perry East - Caesarea, Blackstock, to the East Pole Port Perry. South © Prince Albert to Oshawa Port Pérry West - Beer Store Pogt Perry North Somewhere round Santa Claus 10 minutes from town - Provided your last car was entered in the Indy 500 Handyman's Special - Even Bob Vila turned this one down Fixer Upper - Not to be confused with "no downer" uirés bulldozer Vendor Sez Sell! - Until you take therfl.an offer Just Reduces - Again Pond Site - Bog with mosquitos Charming - Tiny rooms, low ceilings Cozy - Windows painted shut 'Exciting Neighbourhood - Wild dogs and drug lords roaming free Convenient to shopping, transportation - Abuts mall, 10 yards from 401 Income Potential don't mind bathroom - If you sharing the Duplicate Bridge May 26 - Afternoon 7 Table Mitchell Avg. 63 North/South: 1st - Delaine and Jerry Dyer 76. 2nd Peter Francis and Jim Gilmour 74. 3rd - Doris Phinney and Judy Atkinson 62. East/West: 1st - Jeanne Dymond and Doris Beare 77. 2nd - Mimi and Dave Forrest 67. 8rd - Joyce Heard and Helen Mathieson 64. * Evening 6 Table Howell Avg. 8712 1st - Bonnie and Jack Davies 82. 2nd - Audrey and Peter Francis 74. 3rd - Joan and Bill Lock 72. 4th - Marie and Blake Vanderwater 71. 5th - Judy Atkinson and Harold Brown 70. - Enjoy Country Living - things differently; Refrigerator on porch, Normal English - "There's a bathroom out back " . flood in the basement Investment - Money pit Salesman - "Look, an indoor Low Money Down - High pool!" monthly payments Contractor - "It's been a wet Carries Like Rent spring" Boardwalk and Park Place Banker - "What's this Even after these irregular Jacuzzi downstairs" interpretations, we still know Lawyer «Moisture is different pati phrase rds the sump" Political Party - "There will be a surtax on anyone having over 25,000 gallons" Next week - Webster gets a real job. Mark Smith is a Port Perry realtor and immediate Past President of the Oshawa and District Real Estate Board. His column appears on a regular basis in the Scugog Citizen. : Not for the faint of heart but still it's not a bad read by Helen Suzanne Okay, so.we've been dumped on weather-wise this spring. There's no need though to sit back and grumble when we can conjure up all sorts of activities to spice up this otherwise mundane time of season. How about popping into the local bookstore and pick up a copy of "One hundred and One Helpful Hints to Enhance Those Intimate Moments in Life". Be forewarned that this book is not for the faint of heart nor is it fof those who were not blessed with a sense of humour. Actually, it's really not that risque when you consider that Migg Manners herself read the whole book without so much as a hint of a blush on those formal, staid cheeks of hers. And it isn't anything worse than you would read in a magazine, horoscope or recipe book, for that matter. 'This book is, h , & must "wall". She utilizes the famous "element of surprise" tactic by for those who can't stifle a yawn everytime the word sexsis brought into conversation or for those who think the word negligee is french for neglect. Space doesn't permit me to go into lengthy detail, but I will touch on a couple of chapters for you. Chapter three is nothing short of literary genius, particularly when the couple balancing precariously on the high wigze and shout in unison "Look Ma, No Hands!" I 'won't devulge anymore for fear , of ruining it for you. My personal favourite, however, is chapter seven. The female desperately wants to . add some excitement to her dull sex, life, so she does something "a little off the perching on her mate's dresser, completely "starkers", ready to startle him when he enters the room. She leaps onto his back, screaming like & banshee, causing him, jhtough sheer reflex alone, to wrestle her to the floor, frantically whi his arms and legs in windmill fashion, writhing 1lably and gasping for breath for a full five minutes before he realized this isn't an intruder. The yest of the scene is too personal to put into print here, but it does give you somewh#t of an idea how exgiting ingenuity and spontaneity can be. Unfortunately, this creative masterpiece is sold out months ahead, but do keep itin mind for a good read and hope for a lousy spril ain next < usy spring agi ".