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'Don't throw all the blame on us To the Editor; In defense of myself about the outlandish letters written in last week's Letters to the Editor (Dec. 14) from Dr. Tom Millar, Ms. Diane Lackie and Mr. J. Daniels. For the life of me, I cannot understand how three intelligent people can misconstrue one well- written letter. "My first response" will go to Ms. Diane Lackie. In your own words you wrote; (although I refuse to accept the cop-out "its society's fault"; WE are society.); and that you challenge parents of teens to get something going to keep them out of trouble, Were you reading between the lines Ms. Lackie? Is that not what I was writing about in my first letter? Please don't put all of the blame on us parents! Its true we have to "share" the blame, it would be like putting all of the blame on school teachers. Everyone is to blame, the guilty ones come from all walks of life, The Judicial Society itself has got to take a lot of the blame for what is happening out there, in the real world. Our Social Welfare program needs to be greatly overhauled. Everyone has to take a stand in turning society around. Not everyone is upper crust or. in the "Elite" group. I've seen it happen so mdny times, if you're an above-average student, you get all the attention. The heck with the kid who couldn't grasp it. Yet, it's so sad, because these are the ones who so desperately need the help. How can anyone compete with an above-average student who is always ; encouraged by their teachers. It's called favoritism. I'm not saying that the excellent student shouldn't be praised, but something special should be added to the ego of the student who needs more attention to cope Everyone needs their self esteem built up. Not everyone is in the "Elite" group and not everyone can be The Millar Lights have a lot of talent and I'm sure they work extremely hard. Please, don't get me wrong, I'm not putting them down, all I want to do is help the thousands of children and teens out there. Not just Port Perry, but the whole provi mp" Scugog Citizen -- Tuesday, December 21,1993 -- 13 = proud of our two sons. The oldest son had four jobs on the go at the age of 16, got his high school bt That's why I wrote my letter in the first place. Just don't go throwing all the blame on us parents. I know alot of parents who are truly good parents, some are teachers, doctors, they come from all walks of life. But their teens got caught up in a pressure crack also. The law is on the side of the teen, not the parent, and it's about time we all take a stand and gain our control back. Now have you got it? If not, please go back and read my first letter again. "My second response" goes to Mr. J Daniels: Sir, you seem to have the same problem. Excuse me for being a little irritated at your remark about me being a socialist. Why aren't you out there picking the apples off the trees and the strawberries out of the fields? You could be helping the less fortunate who have no food, instead of letting everything rot! Where are all those workers, sir? What a sad, sorry situation. You see, nobody wants those kind of jobs because they just don't pay top dollar. Here 1 thought that disciplining these teens through a Government Organized Work Program, would give these teens jobs, especially when there aren't many good jobs around, It would boost their moral and give each and every one of them a sense of responsibility and self worth. Plus they would be contributing to their own educational fund. The Government could pay half their wages and their employer would pay the other half. The wages of course wouldn't be high but at least it's a wage. Also, these teens would have a sense of pride for earning their way. Are you following me, sir? As for your snide remark made by you about the "fruit not falling far from the tree", well | was speaking for a lot of parents as well as myself. Please read and re-read my first letter until tt clicks into your brain. My husband and I are very MKEEN FURNITURE +524 SIMCOE ST. S.,, OSHAWA (across from K-mart) 725-5181 MW Retail Furniture MW Mattresses MW Chesterfield Suites 8 And much more at less than half price! $ The Christmas Gift of Good Taste! Emiel's Place Gift Certificate Have a Dickens of a Christmas in Port Perry! 985-2066 or 985-2257 tion and took up a trade. He is now a fine furniture craftsman (Cabinet Maker). At the age of 20, he and his fiancee bought their first home, They married one year later in 1989. They have a beautiful 27-month- old daughter and they both work very hard for what they have. Our son and daughter-in-law also work very hard at teaching their little girl good values, kindness and good manners. Our youngest son also worked hard at a very young age. We bought a chip truck so both our sons would be guaranteed a job. Our youngest son worked peeling and cleaning potatoes in all kinds of weather and sometimes his fingers would almost freeze. He also worked on farms and pumped gas. At the moment he is attending college (second _ year). He finds it difficult and wants to quit. Whatever he chooses, we're behind him 100 percent. He'll find his niche in life. Just seeing how he has turned his life around has made us proud of him. He has good friends now and his girlfriend is an Ontario Scholar. She is enrolled at York University and is going to become an English teacher. My husband and I worked very hard to bring:our family together. We never once thought of throwing in the towel. We had faith in our son and he's certainly proven us right. He's now a fine responsible adult. So you see sir, we must have done something right! I know what we came through and | just want the opportunity to help other parents find the strength to get through the nightmares. "My third response" now goes to Dr. Tom Millar. Yes, your right on target! I have strong religious convictions. You may not see me out to church very often, as | believe my religion is a personal one.You might say; between God and myself. He's only a "whisper" away. An apology is something that you will not get from me. Why? Because you also didn't interpret my letter the way it was written. These are the words I used: Obviously he hasn't got children of his own, because he would then know what we parents go through. Your description of how you would treat a teen with a slap in the chops and four weeks in reform school proved that point. You may have experience in the medical field and a high education but we as parents have the true experience of raising our children. A loving parent would never dream of going through life slapping our kids in the chops or sending them to four weeks in reform school, Now you have just added another sad remark - pelting rotten eggs at troubled teens! These teens need love, support parents!' It was once sdid that you can't fight city hall. Maybe it can't be done alone, but then again, I'm not alone. I too have a lot of su " People phone and congratulate me on taking a stand. So far all responses have been positive. That in itself must count for something. Your whole letter was wasted on putting Suzanne Neale and myself down, while putting yourself on the top. In fact, most of your letter was based mainly on your own ego. We parents come up with some logic and there you are turning the tables to your advantage, You want us to get in touch with you. "Please, you've got my name, mailing address and phone number. You be the first to call or write, that's the way you like it isn't-it? Correct me if I'm wrong. P.S. I may not have all the credentials after my name, but I do have Mrs. in front of it and "Mom". Mrs Carol E Sturman Seagrave and sometimes prof | help, but the one thing they don't need and that's abuse, especially that kind. You seem to enjoy the limelight to the extreme. So much that you don't want anyone else to enjoy any recognition unless it pertains to you. Please read again your final letter, it's all you or nothing. You may have a Doctor's degree but you do not have a Parental I'm still sticking with my original solutions which seem quite satisfactory to a great many people. There's one thing I learned in life and that's if you fail you try again and again until you get it right. Well, that's just * what I'm doing. "Classic Arrangements | PRESENTS 'SILENT NIGHT' ONLY $399. FRAMED incising taxes. Your choice of three mats, U-grove and frame. All mats 100% acid-free. We specialize in custom framing. CLASSIC ARRANGEMENTS HARWOOD PLACE MALL, AJAX (905) 427-1663 See our Display in the 5 Points Mall, Oshawa. "It's worth the drive to Ajax." fer] } Learning bow to cope with grief Questions & Answers about grief recovery * Q. I'm very disappoin-ed in my adult children. Since their dad died they haven't done much to ease my pain or loneliness. A. When we are lonely, it is casy to wish that our chil- dren or other family mem- bers will fill the void left by the absence of our spouse. The reality of the situation hurts but we must realize that the lives of others are going on uninterrupted. Adult children are busy in the pursuit of their own lives. In such a complex and fast paced world, we are often too involved to give all that others need. Take on the responsibility of fulfill- ing your own needs and expect less from others. You'll soon find it a benefit *Questions from bereavement lasses are answered here by the editor of AfterLoss, the month- ly grief-recovery help letter. For your free copy of AfterLos or one of our other helpful booklets dealing with grief recovery just call or stop by. AfterLoss a presenta by Myles G. O'Riordan OWNER | MANAGER of the McDERMOTT PANABAKER CHAPEL WAGG FUNERAL HOME 216 Queen St, Port Perry 985-2171 A member of the AfierLons Family Funeral Homes dedicated to helping they serve with assistance in grief recovery ©1992 Harbor House (West) Publishers serkend, CA 93067 « 800-423-8811