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Ra Rett DA By C. Kessler I Si ; All Jd = | -- . To 'MERRY 7a TN MONTH OF n AS MARCH = Auay BACK WHEN~ REMEMBER [= (hisssed br Coractidarsd Niwa Pavia (] veld *Y . SUBURBAN HEIGHTS ILE) By Gluyas Williams TIT TTT THE NEIGHBORS THOUGHT TRED PERLEY HAD TAKEN LEAVE OF H6 SENSES WHEN HE STARTED WIELDING A PICK-AME IN HIS DRIVEWAY AT ELEVEN O'CLOCK ONE NIGHT, BUT IT SEEMS ne GOING OUT, HAD LEFT TE KEY ME SUDDEN FREEZE AFTER THE RAIN (Rorested Ap Tha Ben rations Ha en ) FH thx SEP vs Joh WoeR Ki thck ot WABI OF CE: THE SPORTING THING a -- -- "Where in heck have you been? You're three minutes late!" : It Actually Happened Four Chinese girl-students, none tco familiar with the English lan- guage, rented an apartment and kept. house for themselves while attending a western university. They chose one girl to be the housemaid manager and left the buying of food, the paying of rent, and other financial matters in her hands. - A chair was broken and a cabi- netmaker was called in. The girl- manager engaged nim to do the repair work believing that the cost would be $2.50. However, when the chair was returned the 'cabinet. maker presented her with a bill for $3.50. She was very much surprised, and so was the cabinetmaker when she cried out in her confusion, "l cannot understand it! = You are dearer to née now than when we were engaged!" Noted Man Mrs. Newriche (patronizingly): "Were any of your ancestors men of note, Mr. Nobody?" Nobody: "Yes, madame, I should say so, One of them was the most famous admiral of his day and commanded the allied forces of the whole world." "ls it possible! name?" "Noah, madame." What was his Greenhorn It was bis fitst experience as a shop - gssistant. "Have yoii an account here, ma'am?" he asked, after booking - a customer's order. © " "No," was the reply, "but I would like to see the manager." The sssistant walked across to where the manager stood. "A lady of no account to see you, sir," he said, ------ HOLD EVERYTHING be "aR l#1 had to come back--coutdny/ find a room anywhere!7" "How's the real estate business in your town?" asked the visitor. "Fine," replied the agent. "All the landlords want new tenants and all the tenants want new landlords." ---- "Your husband seems to be a man of rare gifts." "I'll say he is -- he hasn't given me one since wc were married." --C-- A laddie from college named Breeze Weighed down by B.A's and M.D.'s Collapsed from the strain Said the doctor: "It's plain You're killing yourself by degrees." --_--0-- When your son has complet- ed his studies, what will he be? "Oh, about seventy-eight years of age, I should think. ae (Jn "Isn't your friend Clark pretty slow?" "1 should say not. It took him four hours to drive his new girl friend fifteen miles home from a dance last night." pr "What can I grow in a gar- den thirty feet square?' asks a correspondent, Very, very tired, A : The teacher wag trying to make Elsie undérstand subtraction and she said: "You have ten fingers, now supposing there were three missing what would you bave then?" , "No music lessons," said Elsie promptly. | MIDWESTERN STATE HORIZONTAL Answer to Previous Puzzle 11 Philippine } Depicted PIOILIAl NEBR [STAR |, ice state, -- AlLlEEL JAR 2 2 ATE 13 Artist's frame my LIE | FIAIGIA]1 INIS[TERS|OIN] 14 State of 11 South African f151AI0]s [ZIS[TIDRIOKC [TET] Profound. 12 Its capital Livie SERIE insensibility, 8 wer AIHITIAISE IA ICIOIEIEIDIO] 18 Have been. 14 Sedan, DIE]AID J UAIDIRIAM] 20 Dust (Scot.). 15 Cloth measure [ORIEN] NEGRI JFIRTT BSIME] 22 Like. 16 Arrive (abbr.) EMU HIAIT IE 23 Universal 17 Uncooked. CH|AIS [MEAS [AIT EEP[SIAL [M Janguage. 19 Wood sorrels. [H|AIS[FIB|O|T|T|0O|MIS EIT IE IA 25 Steep descent 21 Particle of ARIEIA[TFIT LMS TIEIA 2 Biss. fire. EST ath. 23 Flower. TEEISIT] IERDIELS] IUIRINISE 3) Flower part. 24 Mangles. 42 Small particle VERTICAL 36 Mother or 26 East (Fr.). 43 Snares. $ ather, 2 Fominad Y L6 Kind of cheese 1 Seraglio. 37 Thin. prison, 47 Light brown. 2 Over all 38 Duration. 28 Any. 48 Exist. (abbr.). 40 Invigorating. 29 Modified plant 49 Has dined. 3 Indian. 41 Roman 31 French article 51 Anger. 4 Sesame (pl.). magistrate, 32 Father. 52 Chemical 5 Aided. 43 Cariban 33 Spanish substance 6 Separated. \ Indian, (abbr.). related to 7 Church 44 Go by, 35 Let fall. cellulose, (Scot.). 45 Let it stand. 37 Street (abby.) 54 Adjust. 8 Over (poet.). 48 Every. 39 Abatement 56 It is called 9 Transpose 50 Greek letter, (colloq.). the "'-- (abbr.). 53 Depart, 41 Roof finial, Ea ~ 10 Pointed shaft. 55 Size of shot. ! 2 3 la |s 6 [7 |e [9 io | I] HZ 30 19 20 BS 21 22 Ea] 23 . i ON SAN kT 25 SH 26 oR 27 ATR TLE 28 29 a0 31 HEA 32 Ss I 7 I 34 35 76 7 |38 33 [40 Si +) 358% (42. Cofaa3 | a9 Nae] 96 "+7 b03i1498 2000 49 50 Rods! i 0! oy 52 53 : Vid se 55 VE Hx 56 9 Peace OZering George and his wife had a few words and of course didn't speak for some time afterwards. So George, in order to make peace, - thought he would buy his wife a present. He bought a pair of silk' stockings and took them home and gave them to her, "Thank you, George. This is kind of you" A few minutes later on looking them over, she said: "Ob, there's a ladder in them." "Well, my dear," said George, "you didn't expect to find a marble staircase, did you?" A Request Consisting. of a violinist and a pianist, the little cafe orchestra made up in zeal what they lacked in skill, One very wet morning they were playing most enthusiastically al- though there was only one custom- er in the place. At the close of one 'selection he got up and came to. their little platform. "Do you play anything by re- quest?" he asked the violinist. "Certainly sir." "Then 1 wonder if you'd mind playing a game of dominoes till I've finished ,my lunch?" Smart Mule An inquisitive tourist stopped by a farmer who was ploughing with his mule. Tourist (tc farmer whose mule is the matter--your mule sick?" Farmer: "No, he is the healthiest mule around here." Tourist: "Then is your mule balky?" ing mule I've got." Tourist: "Well, what is the mat- ter with him?" Farmer: "He's so scared he might not hear me say 'Whoa' he stops every once in # while to listen." stopped every few steps): "What | Farmer: "No, he is the most will- VOICE OF THE === PREYS === WITH MUSIC ADDED Hank Greenberg, a $55,000 out. fielder last season, is said to want $65,000 to play first base this year. That's almost as much as President Truman gets -- with piano solos thrown in, Windsor Star ANNUAL IMPULSE It's just about this time of year, When income taxing forms ap- pear . That people scratch their harried beuns And wish "they'd lived within their means. -- St. Thomas Times-Journal. INSULT TO INJURY And here these Russian spies have not only been granted the most complete 'diplomatic immun- ity, but have been eating Canadian butter! --Hamilton Spectator, THROAT for common ordinary sore throat THE STING STAYS The subsidy on the import of bees has been removed. The sting remains, as the ceiling price will be raised." -- Woodstock Sentinel-Review GUNS NOT NEEDED "It is an ancient adage now," says u« contemporary, "that the didn't-know-it-was-loaded gun is much to be feared." The tragedy in such cases is increased by the fact that about nine times out of 10 there is no real need for anybody involved to even have a gun, -- Brantford Expositor THERE'S <A SURPRISE awaiting you if you haven't yet tried delicious Maxwell House Coffee. It's "Radi- ant-Roasted" to develop all the extra flavor in the superb Maxwell House blend, THAT DUTTON "GHOST* Farmers' Advocate argues that the Dutton "ghost" must be a real ghost, climb through a barbed-wire fence with- "because it can out difficulty." We're a little sckep- tical on that point, as how could a ghost get through a barbed-wire fe ce without getting its shoud caught? --Ottawa Citizen Hk? Instantine BRINGS FAST REUEF, TABL 12 pre as¢ DRUGSTORES "I fought off a pack of hungry shoppers to bag this package of crisp, crunchy, delicious Grape-Nuts Flakes!" "Bravo, Sir Archibald! And I'd be- Heve you If you sald you fought through a jungle full of lions for that malty-rich, sweet-as-a-nut flavor of Post's Grape-Nuts Flakes!" "And of course, Gentlemen, we must remember that Grape-Nuts Flakes are not only marvellously deliclous--they supply carbohydrates for energy; pro- teins for muscle; phosphorus for teeth and bones; iron for the blood; and other food essentials." "Those two golden grains wheat and malted barley are combined in Grape-Nuts Flakes. They're speclally blended, baked and toasted for flavor, crispness, easy digestion." "Let us repair to the breakfast room and shoot a giant economy package." By BUD FISHER a a) vs REG'LAR FELLERS -- Not All There By GENE BYRNES | "VN" ) WHY WEREN'T SCHOOL v - ANYBODY IN ONLY A MAN SELLING ASPIDIGTRAS,S8IR - RUT HE SOON WENT AWAY WHEN 1 TOLD, HIM YOu, WERENT AMUSICAL | = TT pC a ia as" In A : y ! & } TO EW LA an LO I IR i Lf ao NS Ey An Gia Shy SY Ne a "3 Ci hl Ea ------ N,N