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i hh) J Must You Be Different A man found it necessary to have his grandfather clock re- paired and because it was difficult to get it trunsported to the repair shop, he undertook to carry it him- self, The clock obstructed his vision somewhat, and unfortunately he collided with a lady pedestrian, who refused to be appeased by his pro- fuse apologies. "Why don't you wear a wrist watch like anybody else?" she de- manded. English Influence 0 There's a good story told about the deep impression that years of being stationed in Scotland has had on Polish soldiers. One of the Poles, on leave in London, England, was asked: "Have you learned to speak En- glish yet?" The Polish soldier replied with a smile: "Ay, a wee bit, mon." Warning The boys were advancing in Burma and the heat was terrific. Tommy wrote home to his mum and said in his letter: "The heat is sizzling, mum, it's 108 in the shade." Some months later he got a let- ter back from his mum, who wrote: "Very worried about you, son. For goodness sake keep out of the shade." Too Bad A merry party was going on in one the rooms of a hotel when the festivities were interrupted by an attendant, who said: "Gentlemen, T've been sent to ask you to make less noise. The guest in the next room says he can't read." "Can't read?" replied the host. "Well tell him he ought to be ashamed of himself. Why, I could read when I was five." * One Remedy The Teacher wrote on the black- board. "I ain't had no fun all sum- mer." J i Then she asked a youngster on the front row: "Harry, what should 1 do to correct that?" "Mebbe--get a boy friend?" he suggested helpfully, | JUST "IN FUN Paving The Way "Please, sir,' said the small boy nervously on coming into class, "ought I to be punished for some- "9 thing I haven't done?" "Of course not," said the master kindly, "Please, sir," said the small boy with a sigh of relief, "I haven't done my homework." Only Dusty Mistress: "Look here, Mary. This chair is covered with dust." Mary: "Yes, ma'am. 1 reckon no- body has sat in it lately." Mistaken Identity A parrot, escaping from its cage, sat sunning itself upon the roof of a neighbouring house. A workman, sent to bring it down, crawled on all fours across the slates and was about to- stretch out his hand to grab the fugitive, when he found himself exposed to a merciless bar- rage of rich and lusty swear words. The man sat back on his haunches and raised his hat respect- fully. "I beg your pardon, sir," he said, "I thought you was a bird." Stumped One of the guests turned to a man by his side to criticize the singing of a woman who was try- ing to entertain them. "What«a terrible voice! Do you know who she is3" "Yes," was the answer. "She's my wife." "Oh, I beg your pardon. Of course it isn't her voice, really. It's the stuff she has to sing. 1 won- der who wrote that awful song?' "I did," was the answer. Keep It Going A young woman stalled her car at a traffic light. She stamped on the starter, tried again, choked her engine, while, behind her, an im- patient motorist honked his horn steadily, Finally she got out and walked back. "I'm awfully sorry, but 1 don't seem able to start my car," she told the driver of the other car pleasantly, "If you'll go up there and start it for me, I'll stay here and lean on your horn." "By Hershberger "So the guy in the corner can get out when it's crowded!" MOPSY by GLADYS PARKER] GOLLY, T WONDER WHAT . 'I DID RIGHT? aN AX SPER | IRTP LIFE"S LIKE THAT = SP So = 'You think YOUR wife is thrifty, she made you a tie out of her old bathing suit . . . my wife made herself a bathing suit out of one of my ties! |" U. S. Army Group 1 HORIZONTAL 48 Ifigian '1 Depicted §s 49 Falter Anmyyer to Previous Puzzle PHIL Insigne of the VERTICAL u. 2 Army 1 Bounded SPITALNY 84th ---- 2 Within ; 3 Fish 7 Light brown 4 Drunkard 8 Accomplish 5 Upon 9 Selne 6 Cuddle 17 Name 36 Bare 11 Pinnacle 7 Hurl 18 Pertaining to 38 Symbol for 12 Caterpillar 10 Blow a horn the East sodium * hair 11 Trial 20 Animals 89 Paid notice' 14 French coin 12 South" Dakota 28 Verbal 42 Hawaiian food 16-Paused (ab.) 29 Vegetable 43 Morsel 18 Bristly 13 Like 31 Woolly 46 Him 21 German city 15 Employed 32 Strike out 48 Note In Gul. 22 Change 16 Regrefs 34 Notion do's scale 23 Pint (ab.) 24 Delirium tre- mens (ab.) 3p Symbol for selenium 36 Decimeter (ab.) a7 Negative 20 Right (ab.) 30 Cloth measure 32 Debit note (ab.) 38 Test 88 Hindu queen 37 Make sad 39 Repeals 40 Hawaiian 'wreath 41 Footless 44 Late Amerl- .can humorist 46 Tree 47 Either THE SPORTING THING Highlights of the News No Garden of Eden Yet In case anyone thought every- thing in the proverbial garden was lovely, let it be noted that the United Kingdom is still going on bread rationing, that there is still famine in China and India, and near-starvation over half of Europe. --Brantford Expositor. Reason For Tragedies So long as people drive automo- biles carelessly, so long as small boats are overloaded, so long as non-swimmers and swimmers of limited capacity go into water un- safe for them, so long shall we have tragedies. --Ottawa Journal, Comparison Someone has said that love is like a baseball game. You can't get to first base without a diamond. --Dunnville Chronicle. Dual-Purpose Cow Mixed farming appears to be making some headway in the west, Ad. In the Saskatoon Star-Phoenix: "For sale--Jersey cow that gives milk and new potatoes." --Ottawa Citizen, Mistaken Many men think it is their work which is burdensome, when it is the "chip on their shoulder which is holding them down. -- Kiwanis Magazine. Hitler Was Too Late Three-quarters of a ton of uran- lum ore was discovered amid the wreckage of the Krupp works in Germany. Hitler was a bit too late with his atomic research, and the Western. Allies beat him to the draw. -- Hamilton Spectator. A Falling Bottom A financial columnist believes that it will be another year before the bottom falls out of the used car market. But we doubt if we can keep the bottom of our own car from falling out for this length of time. --Toronto "Saturday Night". Isn't It So? If you talk about your troubles And tell them o'er and o'er, The world will think you like "em And proceed to give yon more. -- Exchange. Not Much! An association of pipers has been formed in Manitoba to foster the art of pibroch playing. And yet it was Sir James Barrie who laid it down that the "grandest moral attribute of a Scotsman" was that "he will do nothing which might damage his carcer." --Ottawa Citizen. Tough Foot Folk Pedestrians are becoming tough- er all the time and they may yet succeed in avoiding extinction. The other day a St. Louis jaywalker, who was bowled over by a street- car and then run over by a truck, got up and knocked down a traffic cop who bawled him out. -- Kitchener Record. Only Two Exceptions Perhaps you don't like onions. And perhaps the very thought of a trans-Atlantic airplane trip gives you the jitters. Nevertheless, we would advise you to invest in both, just a matter of principle. They are the only two commodities in post-war memory on which the price has gone down. -- Chatham News. That's All! Russia does not really differ from other nations. She only wants peace, unity and understanding and her own way. - -- Brandon Sun, , We Hope Hush, little dollar, don't you cry; you'll buy a dollar's worth, bye and bye! -- Windsor Star. YOU CAN BUY superb Maxwell House Coffee in either a Super-Vacuum Tin in Drip or Regular Grind, or in a Glassine- Lined Bag in an All Pur- pose Grind. THEZ£57 WAY TO on = Xan a \ Lo, de pb \ PIV EAS) Effectiveness proven by 66 years | public acceptance. WHY EXPERIMENT--WILSON'S will kill more flies at less cost than any other fly killer. USE WILSON'S FLY PADS ONLY 10c¢ AT ANY RETAILER! MACDON ALDS Fine Cut Makes a better Hn eo en mn on ew im cigarette vg Apa oF BE 8 MUTT AND JEFF-- our Old Friend "Sir Sidney" Must be Back for the Conference' By BUD FISHER li ¥ JEFF? IF HE KNOWS }BUT IF HE DOESNT] WHERE || AS MUCH Aout CANOES | KNOW ANY MORE ? (sl, CANOEING: rol Hsiang, ABOUT IT THAN T THINK HE DOES, HE'S SWIMMING! OH, GosH! I N|-pyt my WAS NEARLY | GIRL, | HOW CouLD You pro 1 [Ene | Ha FELL INTO THE | PULLED h KNEES? \® WATER UP To | ME ouT! y RN MY KNEES=- _Prspe MY DEAR FELLOW, Ny 3} I AGE FREE CHILDREN ACCOMPANIED BY PARENTS UNDER TEN YEARS OF (Released by The Bell Byndicste, Joe.) ~ lL REG'LAR FELLERS--Topsy-turvy 2 Nis oN 1 | kd i phsra eras hl] BZ 17 qa |. | ET HAFFA DOZEN APPLE TURN-OVERS AN TOPPED 'EM OFF WITH A vie Mark AN Agha reser id. H Y at & | be nh 5 + FH [1 i Sw