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-» I Ee ---- = me -- JUST IN FUN ee ' Easy . Two cavalry recruits were hay- ing a chat. "Talking about riding," said one, "I once saw a chap in a circus who jumped on the horse's back, slipped uaderncath, caught hold of its tail, and finished up on its neck." "So what," retorted the other, "I did all that, in my first riding lesson!" ir Where's the Tip? Down in the small southern town where he lives, people are so fond of Uncle Mose, that the elderly Negro has become a trifle spoiled. One day he presented a check for $19.42 at the local bank. He took the money from the teller, counted it, then recounted it. He didn't scem to be satisfied, "What's the matter, Uncle Mose?" asked the teller. "Isn't it right?" "Yes," was the grudging reply, "but it just barely js." -- All But the Title Little Annie and Harold were playing together in the back yard, "1 know a wonderful game," said Harold. "Let's make believe we're Admirals and that we are commanding the Navy." "All right," agreed Annie, "Only I must be the highest admiral and give commands to you." Harold objected, and, as usual, Annie had a compromise, "Then," suggested the shrewd lilttle Miss, "let's play that I'm the Admiral's wife. That will do just as well," . Acquitted "One day," said the old country- man from the hills, who was on trial for murder, "when my rheu- matism was pestering me, and my daughter had just eloped with a good-ior-nothin' scalawag, and my barn had burned down and 1 lost both my mules, and my best old sow got the cholera and died and | just heard they had foreclosed the mortgage and the sheriff was lookin' for me, 1 told my troubles to one of these here optimists, and he said 'Cheer up, old top, the wors' is yet to come! So | shot him". Poe Rumors Two friends were discussing 'a new neighbor. "I believe Mrs. Green is a great gossip," remarked one. "Yes," replied the other, "she has a keen sense af rumor." With a Difference Saunders, though a bachelor, professed to be very fond of chil- dren, Nevertheless, when the youngster next door stepped on his new pavement before it was dry, he became very indignant. His sister rebuked him, "I thought you loved children," she said. "I do in the abstract," he replied "but not in the concrete." Dictionary of Movie Pests Nudger: Gently but firmly digs his sharp elbows into your ribs each time the screen reveals a situ- ation he considers too subtle for your dull mind to grasp. Explainer: Explains the minutest details of the plot to his hard-of- hearing - accomplice; sits directly behind you. . Paper Crackler: Frequents the matinees. She specializes in crunch- ing - cellophane candy bags at the climax when screen voices are low and tense. . Oh. Yes! © Betty: "Did you hear about the man who sat up all night trying to figure where the sun went when it went down?" Olive: "No, what happened?" Betty: "It finally dawned on him." Too Late. After recovering slightly from the shock of the budget in London, one employer called his staff to- gether and explained that there must be further reductions in wages. "It means we shall all have to tighten our belts," he ended. Then after a moment's pause, he turned to a junior clerk, who did not ap- year to be listening. "Do you un- derstand what I'm saying, Smith?" "Yes, sir,"® vépliced Smith, "but it's no good telling me that. My belt broke at the budget before last." LIFE'S LIKE THAT By Fred Neher (Ralessed by Consolidated News Pastures) 1, ." 0 PPE? AEE vy "I'm worried about daughter and her boy-friend . . . it's so quiet in the parlor I'm afraid they're out in the kitchen!" To THIS CURIOUS WORLD P=. TN AI Amp CC | WHEN DEATH OCCURRED "IN THE FAMILY, IT ONCE WAS A CUSTOM IN ENGLAND AND AMERICA TO 'Vis 17 72 By William Ferguson "Tuesday bridge, rummy, and tonight By Galbraith TR COPR. 1934 BY NEA SERVICE, INC. T. M. REC. U. 8. PAT. OFF. 3 o - | Wedneeday movies, Thursday gin the opera--we certainly are butter- flies since you read that book about. 'escapism'! CROSSTOWN Ee By Roland Coe "I hope you didn't think I bought this cobbl another useless antique!" er's bench as just IN VOICE OF THE PRESS 2) Birds Are Easier It's illegal in Alabama to sprinkle salt on railroad tracks, Rather a queer way to catch a tran, anyway, Saskatoon Star-Phoenix. Vast Resources Report of the existence of a bil lion-doiiar coal deposit 40 miles north of Hudson Hope is just one more cvidenee of the vast potential resources awaiting development in BC's P&ce River area. -- Vancouver News-Herald, Unlucky Americans The Americans are having a ter vible time, Things you can't get 1m the States cot twice as much as things you can't get in Canada. --Calgary Herald, Egg of a Queer Bird An ornithologist has found a strangely shaped and weirdly col- ored egg which he cannot identify, --Press report, It is probably one of the many recently laid by the Dove of Peace. -- Kitchener Record, For Picnic Rent A flicker examined by a scientist had five thousand ants in its stom- ach. There's an oppurtunity for some bright person to make a for. tune by domesticating il ckers and renting them out to picnic parties -- Kingston Whig Standar. The Quickest Way A high-speed camera shows that it takes only sne-forticth of a4 sec- ond to wink the eye. It's the qucle est known way to get into trouble, -- Wicchener Pecord. Aid to Contentment An Australian farmer has ine stalled a radio in his milking shed, because it keeps tlie. cows quict, and "they seem to like the news.' After what they hear, it is likely that the beasts appreciate the ad- vantage of being cows. "Toronto Saturday Night, Castles in Europe The housing shortage is solved at last For only $400,000, travelers say, you can have vour pick of the old castles mo Europe. --Ldmdnton Journal Unheard Of Russia wants to "share" the Dar- danelles with Turkey. Ever hear of a sawoff like that over a picce of cheese between a cat and a mouse? Windsor Star. So Fast -- Yet so Slow A jet plane flew from New York to Boston, about 200 miles, in 21 minutes and 31 seconds. Who is in such a hurcy that he wants co ily 200 miles in 21 minutes? Sometimes we wonder wunerther the ingenuity and energy of modern man isn't too much concerned with speed, too little concerncl with needs that are a thousand times more pressing -- and more tragic, --- Ottawa Journal More To Coine Three Swiss journalists who im. agined Canada is a small country dotted with (farms and bordered by fishing shacks changed their minds after visiting On'ario and Quebec. And they still hadn't ceen our mountains, -- Windsor Star liandy Pot Holder For hysbands camping indoors during tie family's absence, any of the smaller pieces of millinery of the Juiiet type, makes a dandy poi holder Winnipeg Tribune. First Time for Both Theve was an odd wedding in Hollywood The papers said "nei thee of the parties had been mare ned before" Brandon Sun WHAT FRAGRANCE when breakfast includes Maxwell House! This glorious cof- fee is extra delicious be- cause it's Radiant-Roasted to develop the full goodness of the superb Maxwell House blend. Bring Quick Relief | (1) drops AVES Let Murine bring ease when eyesare weary or when they smarg and burn from overwork, dust, wind, sunglare, bright lights or loss of sleep. Two drops of Murine in each eye, quickly i ll Bn and refreshes. Thousands use Murine regularly -- say there is nothing quite like it. Kase your eyes with Murine. Always keep it Sain JURINE: dr wi EYES iF T + MACDONALD'S Fine Cut nN Makes a better cigarette JRE EPEC SS SL HOY i 3 "Initials seemed so inade- quate!" 1 I me cn mn i ---- a MUTT AND JEFF-- No RUNS, No HITS, NO ERRORS NO GAME By BUD FISHER GO ON, JOE! RUN! RUN! ATTA BOY, (WHAT DO YA MEAN \ UMPIRE QUT! WV ,|( OEFE WHERE [ OH, T FOUND OUT? THROW THAT (|| WERE YoU ({ A PASS To ThE] | HOLLERED AN -- TODAY? ¢') BALL GAME 50 | T THREW POP 1 WENT UPTO | BOTTLES AT THE THE STADIUM | UMPIRE AND AND HAD A EVER n SWELL TIME! 1 CHEERED ANDY WHO WAS | PLAYING fama PLAYIN? THERE WASN'T Co------ NoBoODY! EE CLES. AND EVEN TO HANG CRAPE ON THE HIVES/ IT WAS BELIEVED THE BEES, T00, § WOULD DIE UNLESS NOTIFIED. © BY NEA BERVICE, INC, REG. U. 8. PAT, OFF. 3 WHAT SPORT DOES EACH OF, THE FOLLOWING SUGGEST ? FEN EROSLEY Fras NE Cecnl Ais | ROSE SOWL | FOREST 1/4 S| 0 ", 00 ods . FITTENANES Uk, . BOUIWELL 15 ADOCTOR Nr doua WEST VIRGINIA, ams ¢ HANEY BELL id ws va! NSWER: Crosley Field, baseball; Churchill Downs, horse ASW Rose Bowl, football; Forest Hilly, tennis, POP--No Good for Notes By J. MILLAR WATT LIKE MY NEW WELL HOW DO You SHIRT NOW THAT YOU'VE WORN IT ALL DAY ? (Released by The Bell Eyudicate, lnc.) TAKE. -- - BUT THE CUFFS DON'T' INK VERY ---------------- eg * T'PUT A DELICATE. FINANCIAL TERM |'TO IT, | REGRET T'SAY YOUR SHARE: . \HAS BEEN LIQUIDATED! LESSEE, NOW --~ "= 'CORDIN'¥' THIS STOCK. RECORD YOUR SHARE: (WAS TH, RIGHT - HAND CORNER | SAID DORGYS" LEFT EAR, WASN IT? 1 By GENE BYRNES I SAID WAS == THA'S TH' FART ee HE LOST INA | FIGHT WITH [ MILLIGAN'S MASTIFF | Ey tw TRA A WS CEPA AN dri RT end ESA