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i Co ld wv, Se OY IS Ag ad Nr, nn - -- +s» JUST IN FUN ... Barbara Hutton and Mate No. 4 Barbara Hutton, Woolworth--dime stores heiress, and her fourth husband, Russian Prince Igor Troubetzkoy, are shown at St. Moritz, Alpine playgrounds of the international set, just prior to their ° "elopement" marriage at an Alpine hotel near Zurich. Both are in their mid-thirties. 'Babs's" other matrimonial ventures include Prince Alexis Mdivani, Count Kurt von Haugwitz-Reventlow, actor Cary Grant. She has a son, Lance, by her second husband. Irony A woman got on a bus and took __the only empty seat, next to a harmless-looking reveller. Soon she opened a map _of Manchuria and began to study it. The reveller gazed at the map for a while and finally addressed the woman in an interested tone: "Sure you're on the right bus?" he asked. @ A lady who bad ordered icé from a new ice man heard the familiar ring of the dumb waiter the next morning. She seized the rope and began to pull but found the effort unusually taxing. Nevertheless, thinking the ice man had gone, she _bent all her '&nergics to the task and pulled away until the dumb waiter. rose to the kitchen level Then there appeared not only the cake of ice, but a small boy sitting on top 'of it, "Young man,", demanded the housewife, "why did you make me pull you all the way up here" "Because," explained the young- ster with «a smile, "I thought the ice might be too heavy for you to get into the icebox, and I came up to help you with it!" Both in the Eye "Last week a grain of sand got into my wife's eye and she 'had to go to the doctor. It cost me $5." "That's. nothing. Last week a fur coat got into my wife's ¢ye and it cost me: $500." Ont the Waiting List "I can't promise you anything," gaid the automobile salesman "to the disgruntled customer, who slammed the door on the way out. "What did he want?" asked the dealer. "Oh, he wanted to know if he couldn't turn in the 1946 'niodel which he hasn't received, for a 1947 model." Pasted Together Mother had baked 'a two-layer ...eake for- Daddy's. birthday. Aged- Three, telling a neighbor about it, - said: "We have two cakes for Daddy and we are going to paste them tdaether with icing." i hal hb So You Never Can Tell You never can tell when you're likely to have a change in luck. on "Sometimes it comnes at the-most--{-- unexpected moment, Like the prim school teacher who was making a trip with a group of children and stopped for lunch at a restaurant, + The children noticed a 'garish slot machine in the restaurant and ask- ed ~what--it was. The teacher launched into a lecture on the evils of gambling. In order to - emphasize the futility of trying to get something for nothing, she said she'd show the children what she meant. She marched over to the slot machine inserted a nickel, said 7 "Now, watch what happens," pull- ed the handle, and out poured 2 flood of nickels, She had hit the jackpot! : / Not Too Old To Learn A group of elderly women were discussing ways and means of raising funds for their church or- ganization. One suggested organ- izing a class in glove making. " "Do you really think that's neces- sary at our age?" asked an old lady in the rear. ' -"What--glove the - other. "Oh, I thought you said making." ' - making?" love Ford's Answer A favorite story about Henry Ford is the one told on the occa- sion of the Fords' fiftieth wedding anniversary, when a er asked: "Mr. Ford, to what do you attribute your successful marriage?" The kindly automobile man an- swered: "The formula is the same as one used to make a successful car--stick to the same model" Self-Appreciation "Just listen to that man talking to himself," commented the wife. to her husband" An elderly man, walking in front of them, was talking to himself in.a very serious and admonishing tone. Apparently . he overheard the remark for ie _slowed down and lifting hat, bowed deeply and with" twinkling "light-in~ his eyes said: "Pardon me, madam, but it is«necessary to talk to 'some- one sensible sometimes." FUNNY BUSINESS . - % > 2 A HH, 1 f 7) 7 7%; DI i i i ZH 7 i 7 SN - NN AON = SENS NR NN A) 4 a / wy 29/4 _ om 2 RS asked By Hershberger ad High in Bavaria's rugged alpine' mountains; a three-man Mountain Watch team comes to the aid of a ski accident victim,' First aid already has been administered, and the injured man is being lifted into a toboggan for the trip down the mountain. Many of these ski patrolmen served in the German moun- tain troops during the war; the U.S, Army has carefully screened them to make sure they had no Nazi connections other than military service they could not avoid. 3 By DORA JANE HAMBLIN American Red Cross Representative Garmisch, Germany -- They sweep down from snowy heights at breakneck speed; they leap yawn- ing crevices with uncanny skill. In their veins, so they say, flows the -bload of mountain goats; on their of Bavaria. = These are the men of the Berg- wacht, world's greatest mountain- safety organization. Bergwacht means "Mountain Watch." Members of this fabulous group, who jest among themselves about the rencwed strength they chests gleams edelweiss, the flower receive from goat's 'blood, have saved the lives of 116 Americans since V-E Day. : Some 348 of them toiled for 464 hours, at great personal danger, to save those lives. Others put In a total of 168 hours to bring back "bodies of 11 Americans killed while climbing, hunting, or skiing in the Bavarian Alps, The great influx of sports-loving Americans and the release of the Germans; from the regimented life | of "wartime--has--made-the-months--}-- since V-E - Day the busiest on record . for the Mountain Watch. Since then, its men have rescued 1555 persons, and have recovered the bodies of 57 casualties. Be- cause most deaths are due to falls' into almost inaccessible places, it is not uncommon for 27 to 30 "Bergwacht men to spend three to five days on a recovery mission, An all-volunteer group organized in 1920 and sponsored by the Ba- varian Red Cross, the Bergwacht is made up of the mountain coun- try's best men. They may be asked to join or théy may apply and wait © to be accepted, 'but in either case' "any sturdy, experienced Bavarian skier and mountain climber con- BIO TI0T Lerpirts soiling A Bergwacht man gets no pay; he must attend special school twice a year; he goes out day or night, info blinding sun or raging storms, to find and save anyone who needs help. If he-is a barber and a call for help comes while he's shaving his siders the Mountain Watch a top | _Bergwacht men... __ thy Typical member of Bavaria's famed Mountain Watch is Cal Reger, i 3 #3, who was born and raised in the mountains and has been in the Bergwacht for eight years," On his left breast pocket he wears the red and white badge imprinted with the edelweiss, flower of Bavaria, the red cross, and the inscription "Bergwacht." best customer, he puts down the razor and answers the call like an American voluntéer fireman, Testimony to his skill is that in the 26 years of some of the most dangerous work in the world, no member of the organization ever has been killed on duty. Though the chief factor in a man's selection for the Bergwacht is his mountain experience, intensive training in first aid is vital to his success. Reaching an injured victim is only the first part of the job, for often a life hangs on the skill of men trained in emergency first aid . practices, Since war's end, all Berg- wacht men have received training in American Red Cross first aid techniques. . A small-group of Bergwacht men has been hired by the U.S. Army for full-time work at Army resort areas. These men 'serve as instruct ors and safety supervisors around the trails and ski slopes, aided on .weekends by other, volunteer, Before the war most men of the mountain watch were in their twen- ties or thirties; now the ages range from 167 to 65. Once a man puts on the edelweiss pin of the Mountain - Watch he is qualified to wear it as long as he can do his job. : 'Weather Flights: » 'Over North Pole Army B-29" Superfortresses have begun. weather flights - over the North - Pole -and will. make daily flights over the Pole, beginning in May. i 48 Brig.-Gen, Donald M, Yates, chief of the Army -Air Forces Weather Service, flew on the first flight last week. He said this was the start of routine A.A.F, weather reporting from the very top of the world. y Yates said that from now until May, weather-cquipped B-29's will fly periodically" from California to Ladd field, Fairbanks, Alaska, then fly north over Point Barrow, circle over the Pole and return to Cali- fornia by way of Alaska, Beginning in May, he said, the squadron of converted "super-bom- bers will move to Alaska and begin daily flights over the Pole from a base there. i On the first flight, Yates said, the B-29 was in the air 16 hours and 30 mintes. As it flew over the Pole, an uncoded message was sent out giving weather conditions. Weathermen say most U.S. wea- ther originates in the North Polar agea, : §.- No "Amber" Light; Accidents. reduced As. a road safety measure, the 'experiment was made in Glasgow VOICE OF Will. Help Our Stories One pleasing feature about the recent-storm-is-that-we-will be able: to tell -our-grandchildren 20 or 30 years hence. about the good - old fashioned winters we used to have. , --Owen Sound Sun-Times, Works Faster Here An exchange tells that in Turkes- tan professional women weepers will cry for six hours straight, More. accomplished women and softer hearted men have cut the necessary time in_this country to a minute or so, --Port Arthur News-Chronicle. A Sure Sign A person may know that old age has marked him for its own when he begius to notice how much his associates have aged in the past few years. --Kitchener Récord. Advance Agents Those early robins are now be- lieved to be advance: agents sent in to look over the spring housing situation, --St. Thomas Times-Journal. . Style Note A magician has been in the news for getting out of a locked safe in 30 seconds. We'd like to see him get out of the back seat of some some time ago of cutting out the~} of the new car models in double "amber "light "on the-change from red to green in the automatic traffic. signals. . 4 The experintent has been so suc- cessful that the-- Highways, and- Planning Committee of the Town Council have decided, to recom- mend to the Ministry of Transport its general use' throughout the country. The Glasgow experiment, 'car- ried out during the past six months at a number of the busiest cross- - ings in the city, has been success-' ful in reducing the nuniber of road accidents. ; x a HOLD EVERYTHING "Mather spends all 'her time "wan: dering through the stores ... 80 she decided to make it pay!' that time, : "Peterborough Examiner. | Professionalized -Everybody's becoming a profes- sional these days. Over in the: United States they're even jssuing flegrees of janitorial engineering to caretakers \of buildings.! 'And we understand "some of thé panhand- lers are insisting on being called- professional coin collectors. ; \ --St. Thomas Tinies-Journal. ] Not Guilty We're convinced that Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone --but never contemplated the party line. --Stratford Beacon-Herald. factors in a democracy is.the ness of the average individual to & THE PRESS Or Something Else Safety experts say the kitchen is the most -dangerous room in -the house. And particularly so in the vicinity of the sink, where a domes- ticated husband is apt. to develop a bad attack of dishpan hands, or dropping a Spode plate. --Ottawa Citizen, + A "Bare Fact Only a few months ago the gals were tinting-their bare legs to simu- late stockings. Nylons being made in the U.S. are said to be so sheer that they are virtually invisible. The- trade name for thenr is "Nude." --Fort Erie Times-Review. Weak Link ° One of the great trouble-making exercise. his right to believe any- thing that he has never heard be- fore. --Montreal Finandial Times. Wide Camouflage The Germans held property in Canada, which officials of the Cana-- dian Government had no idea about until papers and records were found when Germany was invaded. The cart. of camouflage was never limited to war zones or bomb targets. --St. Catharines Standard. = Masterpiece of Absurdity "7 The "Russians have- barred the * Salvation Army from their part of occupied Germany on the ground that "the Army" is a quasi-military "body. Apsurdity, aided by Joe Stalin and pals, has achieved what looks like its masterpiece. : _=--Brantford Expositor] Nothing Owing There is no Communist. who does not render: a higher Joyalty to an- ther country, and in support 'JY it 'he is ready to destroy this one. Canada owes. him nothing, and. "surely decent "labor unions shoul declare themselves similarly free o 'such a debt, HEH --Windsor Star. . 1,000,000 converts. ecadi- Methodist Millions "It is the greatest gain in any ° church in any years in the hjstory of this country." Thus Bishop G. Bromley Oxnam of New York greeted the March -4 announcement - of the Methodist Council of Bishops that the Methodist Church had won 1,021,210 new . members in. the United States during 1946, topping. its "Year of Evangelism" goal of . Of the new Methodists, 540,265 joined by con- fession of faith and 480,945 trans- ferred from other faiths -and denominations. The United States membership is now close to 9,000,000.--Necwsweek. Royal Yacht Retired Britain's 4,700-ton royal" yacht, the Victoria and Albert, which was built in 1899 and has been used on many stata occasions, is to retire from active service. The yacht, which is no longer regarded as seaworthy, will in the future be used for residential pur- poses by the king and queen when they visit Portsmouth, where the yacht now lies. HEMORRHOIDS + +2 Special Remedies by the Makers of Mecca Ointment Mecca Pile. Remedy No. 1 is for Pr Bloods Bric media nod 1a pos, Proteu op 1€ iF Internal Apblisation, Price 7506. Mecca ; | No. 2 is for External Itching Piles. Sold «| i. Jaryand is for external use only, Price 50e. "| ~ number from your Druggist. Although there are 2576 of these . sturdy climbers, organized roughly into units in 64 towns and villages in the Bavarian Alps, when the phone rings for help, they go out as teams, two men on & routine patrol, four on a search, eight or more on a difficult recovery. In summer, when there is no snow In the lower reaches of the mountains to facilitate movement, eight to ten men constitute-a rescue or recovery team. : Mountain folk say: the Bergwacht ° men can .go anywhere a 'mountain goat can. KIDNEYACIDS Rob yourRest.. 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