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y RAIA AY Sneezing Cured Having sneezed 134,000 times) in eight days, a 14vyear-old sehoel fell into an exhausted sleep in his London home recently and man- aged to pass the night without further attacks. The boy was believed to be the victim of a violent form of hay fever. At one period he was sneez- ing once every three seconds, and specialists were unable to stop his atishoos! But there's more to the average sneeze than just that, High-speed . photography has proved that during a sneeze germ-' laden particles are expelled from the mouth--not the nose--at the enormous speed of 152 feet a sec- ond. Just before the war a doctor pointed out that a well-recognized group of people are especially liable te paroxysmal sneezing. He said it was a constitutional disorder and usually inherited. The doctor added the comforting news that such sneezers seem less liable to serious illness than other people. \ Eight ways of stopping a sneeze were mentioned by a French doc tor who wrote a book on the sub- ject. 'You .can tickle the soles ot your feet, puff out your cheeks. press on the 'eyeballs, frown, press the upper lip with a finger, stretch your neck, rub _your.jaws,. or blow hard, he said.' Blowing hard was the best way, he Added? , In the North'RIding of Yorkshire some people still believe that to sneeze immediatély after dinner is a sign of good health, and that the sneezer "will live long. In Suffolk they used to say: "One sneeze, a wish; two, a kiss; three, a letter; four, a disappointment. Costliest sneeze on record was that of a banknote engraver in Souih Africa who had worked for . months on a design for a new. note. Suddenly he sneezed on to the de- sign, which was ruined. 'He had to get new materials and begin aM over again. KNOT BAD--Tidily tied at thé side, this two-piece swim suit * was designed by veteran NEA- "Acme photographer Mike Acker- man, whose job it is to patrol, Miami in search of beauty on the beach. He's come up with a real find in Dottie Sykes, who's modeling his Seminole-print creation. Really Nothing But A Name The classic example of a name without a thing is the British Con- stitution. Every year scores of 'meetings, hundreds of orators, mil- © lions of words expound, adorn, re- vere, extol and glorify the Con- stitution. At the moment a row is going on because the Home Secre- tary is accused of violating the Constitution, Only last year a new three-volunie work on our Consti- "tution acélaimed it as the best Con- stitution in the world. ~~ 5 Y Actually, Britain has no Constitu- tion There is nothing written any- where tos say that there should be 'a King, peers, or a House of Com- mons. The rules of government are laid down, when they are laid down at all-in a: mass, of laws passed-at various 'times on various subjects. At any time, Pacliament could, by a simple majority, abolish the mon- archy, make all Welshmen into slaves, or restrict the vote to men with red hair. No hallowed docu- ment, no Supreme Court protects the Constituiion, In fact, it is rather surprising: that, we have not set up 4 body of keepers of ithe Constitution, since it does not exist, writes a wellknown British author. In everyday life, too, we use un- rela ed names, We pay our rent, or buy our clothes and furniture, in guineas, doing sums in our heads to translate 65 guineas into £68 and 5 shillings. But there is no such coin as a guinea, We refer to two... shillings and sixpence as a hal crown, but there is no such coin ad a crown. But here we can retort to the expostulating Canadian that half a crown is as sensible as six bits. : « | YOU HAVE TO Where Monkeys Are An Actual Pest Except for one bizarre plague, Durban, South. Africa, is as charm- ing a city as you'll find anywhere. Ite curse 'is ntonkeys -- conniving, thieving, cantankerous little beasts. How the monkeys got there no one knows, but there they are, by the hundreds, as free from control as our own park squirrels, A law imposes a jail sentence or fine on anyone who maltreats a monkey. Durban js divided into those who think that monkeys are just. too cute and others who look on them as agents of the devil. The latter are people who live with the mon- keys in the suburbs and on the edge of town. They know from sour, personal experience that the mon- keys are rowdy, impudent and im. moral -- dead-end kids who will steal everything 'hot locked up or riveted down. If a resident leaves a window or door open, in come half a dozen monks. They eat everything lying around. They smash eggs and throw glasses against the wall, They open the ice boxes, eat what they can and strew the rest on the floor. They tip garbage pails and steal the silver and anything else that glitters. [n one house they goi hold of a stack of phonograph re- cords and had a delirious time scaling them against a tree in the yard. Outdoors, the moneys climb the fruit trees and eat the mangos and avocados, They tear down grape: vines by swinging on them. If you paint your house, the monkeys dab- ble in the wet paint, walk on the foof; they like its stickiness and color. One irate housewife called up the Durban city clerk: "What do you think I am -- a monkey tamer?" "Have you tried a dog?" the man asked. "Yes, I've tried a dog!" she cried. "He was a big, brave dog. The monkeys have made a snivel- ing, fear-ridden wretch of him." The dogs do their best. They leap and bark, but what's sb agile as a monkey? A monkey raid arouses every dog for a mile around and the monkeys love it. It's hubbub, din and pandemonium. "The monkeys are bad because they don't get enough to eat," said a member of the City Council one day. "Let's feed them." The council argued a long time but finally voted to try the idea. : The Society for the Prevention ot Cruelty to Animals laid out scrump- tious meals of carrots, cucumbers and tomatoes. Hitherto, the mon- keys had been content merely to uproot garden vegetables, and scat- ter them about. Now they had a taste for them. No fence, scarecrow or other device of mere man could keep them out of the gardens. The city elders were shocked by what the little angels were doing to the gardens, A prize of $50 was offered to anyone who could work out a way of ridding Durban of its gangsters -- without hurting the gangsters, "Give the monkeys brandy and get them drunk," wrote one man. "When they're sleeping it off, take them a couple of hundred miles away." A second proposed tear gas and nets; another, soaking food in morphine, One man came along with a trap baited with bananas. Tt worked the first day, catching 20 monkeys. The second day the bag was exactly one monkey. After that, it caught none. Letters by the pound were flood- a" ing into the newspapers. 'They have ripped all the clothes off "my. line two weeks in succession now." - «+ « "The monkeys have stolen five priceless teaspoons that came to me * from my great-grandmother oe y 'England." . .. "They have alrea caused $75 worth of damage. Who pays for it?" One man -announced that, law or .no law, he was going to shoot the next monkey that.dam- aged his property. "I live at purga- tory's door," wrote one "Distracted Bousewife." That's fairly typical. Meanwhile, each Sunday on one of the city's lovely drives, you see AFTER THE SHIN-DIG--Wallace Wender and his wife Jean display their plaster casts following an operation in which a por- tion of his shin bone was grafted to hers in an attempt to heal an old injury to her leg. Both cabts wil) operation proves successful - a * * oo a be removed soon if the monkey-lovers fined, up, hundreds chunks of 'pumpkin, ~ bunches of bananas. The monkeys are cute little fellows, the kind we call or gan-brinder monkeys, and they take the food right out of your hand." Let your hand dangle empty, and a monkey will bite it. Everyone has fun. But even the most saccharine monkey admirers have had to admit that the people who live on the out- skirts have a case. The council en- gaged a big-game hunter, Captain G. L. Jones, as official monkey- catcher. For an experimental period of five months, he was to catch at least 150 a month, and catch them alive. But he managed to catch only "48 in three months and then gave up and went off on a safari in Cen- tral Africa. The houscholders 'are till wondering how to get rid of . the monkeys. Sure Of It One of those super intelligent col- lege seniors entered the dean's of- fice, coughed to attract the dean's attention, and said: "Sir, I am gratified to announce that your daughter has accepted my proposal of marriage. However, since marriage is such an important step, I wish to proceed with cau- tion. Ah, er, may I ask, sir, is there any insanity in your family?" The dean regarded the young man a moment in grave silence, then replied, quietly: "Yes, yes, I'm sure there must be." Answer to Crossword Puzzle [eluls]s ls[P]i [NBNATM]A] TIoIPEET IR BL [AlC Jlulvig(nig]slc |slnly] » ORAL TRAY § miu TIAIC|K|LIF LIOIR|D|S Hig sip] [NG LIOINIE BRIT] (NI [T]8 |r AIRISIEINIAIL INE] TIs |=]s Plum [cle BIrlolw BiVIE AlIN|T]A RIA IN glulpigln]c | IRENEIAIR|N Ge Alv GlLIE|Y 7 BE INTERESTED IN THIS HANDY BUCKET HOLDER WHICH AT- |] TACHRS ON TO THE BIDE OF A STEPLAD- DER, NO LONGER WiLL 'A TIGHTROPE WHEN WASHING THE WINDOWS ON YOUR HOUSE, D OF. MISH ALTITY IDES A MISCELLANEOUS PIECES OF 'STEEL SHEATHING AND WIRE BRACKETS, THIS OADGAT HAS A MULTITUDE OF USKS FOR N WORK AROUND THE HOME... YM PAIL IT WILL HOLD S8CREW- DRIVERS, PLIERS, BRUSHES, HAMMERS AND OTHER TOOLS - BITS OF LOOSH PLASTER WH b saruse To numa I PACK, | TAIN THAT PLASTER 1 WILL BE FIRMLY AICHORED, To Tok LAT Fbr vHe Housswira who 18 PLAGUED WITH BOTHERSOMA THIS SIMPLE PAPER FU) 9 THE ANSWER. IT I8 AN iy TIME-SAVING DRVICE AND of them, with peanuts and corn, What's New At The C.N.E. Heard about that ham and egys Every campfire cook and Sunday morning breakfast artist in the country is invited to come along and try their luck with some ham and a couple of eggs. The Ex. will provide you with ham and egys, then supply the stove, the frying pan and the flipper. And just like in the pancake-making contest last year, not even the winner will be forced to eat his own' him" and eggs! $ do Contest takes place in the Col iseum, August 31, with $50 for the top winner, $40 for whoever comes second, $30 to the third-prize win- ner, and $20 for fourth." Get your entry in now to the women's di- rector, C.N.E.,, and receive a free admittance ticket for the: big day. Fear No More Fear no more the heat o' the sun, Nor the furious winter's rages; Thou thy worldly task hast done, Home are gone, and ta'en thy oy wages; \ Golden lads and girls all most, As chimney-sweéepers, come to dust. Fear no more the frown o' the great Thou art past the tyrant's stroke; 'Care no more to clothe and eat, To thee the reed is as the oak. The sceptre, learning, physic, must All follow this, and come to dust: Fear no more the lightning flash, Nor the all-dreaded thunder- . . stone; Fear not slander, censure rash; Thout hast finished joy and moan: All lovers young, all lovers must Consign te thee, and come to dust. : --Shakespeare. Mystery Solved When the new minister came to the little church, the congregation something about his former life. They were told he had once worked in some business establishment, but he seemed 'loath to talk about it. When their new shepherd discour- aged all inquiries about his earlier occupation, they were obliged to hope for a revealing gesture from the finger of fate. + Fate was not long in accommo- dating them. The .other Sunday, near the end of his sermon, the new 'elergyman made this moving ap- you todayl This is your golden op- portunity; -it may never eome to you again, Remember, this. may be Tom, Jat chance} Friends, what am 1 nes . ft competition at this year's C.N.E.?~ was naturally interested in learning. peal: ; "The Kingdom of Heaven awaits | So many coincidences have oc- curred just recently -- coincidences which, if a little romance were wrapped around them, would make good stories. As it is, they are all --well, just coincidences. Coming home on the bus from Toronto last week, | was talking to a fellow passenger whose wife came from Lournemouth, Eng., which is also the home of Partner's sister. 1 hap- pened to remember this and said to him, "Tell your wife we have another visitor from Bournemouth." (Cicely was the first, and they met her last year). "Ob, is that so . and when did she arrive?" he asked, I told him. "Well, what a strange thing. My brother-in-law has just come over, too, and he also was on the Empress of France." So you see what | mean -- two people, unknown to each other, left at the same time, from the same town in England, traveled on the same boat, and then. came to the same little town in Ontario. Now if they had been pretty much ot an age, and unattached, just see the possibilities for a romance. But m this case the opportunity was wasted as the boy is 16 and my sister-in-law is older than | am. Too bad! Then, how about this: Last week 1 went to our W.l. district annual. After the meeting, a lady came up to me and said, "You are Mrs. Clarke, are you not?" 1 had to confess that | was. "Then you came from Chaplin, didn't you?" Chap- lin! | couldn't believe my ears. Chaphn is a little village on the Saskatchewan Prairie that we left 2° years ago. It is such a small place that | never expected to meet anyone again wifo had ever been there. And' yet, here in busy On- tario, was someone who knew all about it. | was thrilled. During our all too short conversation, 1 dis- covered this lady had lived in the Chaplin district until eight years ago, "We were there all -through the depression," she said. Just then I saw a fellow Institute worker with whom I had been given a-ride, © and | knew she was waiting for me, so. I had to go. But ever since I met the lady from the West, her chance remark has haunted me-- "We. were there through. the .de- pression!" Just one short sentence and what a lot may lay behind it. Heaven only knows the depression down here was bad enough, but imagine living through a depression in the Dust Bowl of Canada. I hate to think of 'it. We were on the Prairie lohg enough for me to realize just 'about. what. that would mean. We think the heat and con- tinued "dry weather down' licre 1s terrible, but think what it would be like on the shadeless Prairie, Yes; even in this, thé worst droight this' part of Ontario has ever, experienced, | .can still look around and think how much we have to be thankful for. We "are going to :be hard hit, there isn't a doubt about that, but surely once in a decade .we should be able to take a poor year without too much grumbling. "about it. © Generally speaking, wershave good-to-average crofs year after year. When winter comes our barns are nearly always well: filled: mows loaded to the beams with hay and grain, and the cattle contentedly munching away at the good feed in their mangers. Actually right now if'is the cat- tle we worry aboutithe most, There is so little feed for them and the poor things must feel the heat ter- ribly. Fortunately, we have plenty of shady spots in our fields, but sometimes, when driving along the road, we see. cattle pastured in fields where there isn)t one bit of shade--almost as bad as those arid Prairie fields around Chaplin that I remember so well. Some folks blame this torrid heat on zealous politicians -- they say it will be cooler after the elec- tion. There may be something to that for there is certainly plenty of Ba of Insect Stop«drcH; 4 Batumi ns, °B. b. 588, . 7%. JGINGER FARM Gwendoline P. Clarke ot air circulating throughout the country, no matter where you go. As for the radio -- 1 am afraid sometimes that all the tubes will burn out. A funny thing happened the other night. A very impassioned "speech was being broadcast when suddenly . . . whiff . . . and a fuse gave out. | am wondering how Partner's sister is standing this wgather. We haven't heard from her so we are hoping she is enjoying breezes from the lake somewhere or other, There is something to 'be said for a cottage by the lake these days. And I have 'a standing invitation to visit in the Haliburton region! Wouldn't I like to gol It is too bad farm folks' busy time has to come in hot weather, isn't it? "Now," began the architect, "it you'll give the a general idea of the kind of house you need--" "I want something," replied the husband, "to go with a door: knocker my wife brought home from Java." The Sunday sehool teacher had Just comeluded a review of ihe day's lesson. "And mow, ehildren," she enquired, "who ean tell me what we must do before we ean ex- pest forgiveness of ain?" There was a pause, but finally one litle boy spoke up. "Well," he mused, "firet we've got to sin." Going Fishing? 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