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IF WE'RE GOING TO ZONE SMOKERS - . . SEND EM 7o iii) a oF LEVESGUE, EE SN by John Gast I don't remember if, during my earlier Forum column, I ever discussed my deep affection for the pitter-patter of little feet (four of em, on-a dog) and all the trouble it has caused me. Well after our last dog, Henry, a mild, meek- , mannered mongrel that turned into Godzilla on Garbage Day without the benefit of a telephone booth, I'd given up on dogs altogether. It was a sad day, like all the others. There was simply nothing I could do. Henry, as smart as he was about always doing his indoor jobs-behind the : "chesterfield where nobody would notice, always insisted on bringing the Garbage Day evidence home. It was after one of those Thursday morning meals that my wife hit the roof. It was all spread out on our front lawn. Henry the Gourmet had had good hunting that particular Thursday. He had felled a frozen pizza container, a sardine tin, two or three banana peels and a box of corn flakes. Henry was rummaging through a partially-filled green garbage bag he had dra ged home, probably for something to wash it all with. My wife, who had turned a light shade of purple was tearing through the knife and fork drawer, making strange gurgling noises. Just as her fist tightened around the wooden-handled carving knife, { suggested that perhaps we should think about giving Henry up to a good home. She agreed. I knew it was no good to argue. We'd already tried a rope. What Henry couldn't pull or break, or tear, he chewed. I swear he was a cross between a Belgian and an acetylene torch. Even a hardware- bought chain snapped, and more than once I found myself, in full view of my neighbours, running down the centre of Shanly Street chasing Henry and ten feet of chain, i That was another one of Henry's shortcomings. He didn't know what 'come' meant. He wasn't stupid, mind you. You didn't even have to. tell him to chew and he did. Table legs, easy chairs, car seats and the kids' toys, all without a word of command. But "come" was different. We'd hear his chain rattling down the road every so often when his ramblings brought him close to home, and we'd dash out of the house, just in time to see him stop for a second or two at the end of our street. He noted our screams, begging, pleading and bribes. His ears would perk up and he'd look our way, drop the milk carton from between his teeth, give it a lick or two, pick it back up and tear away like a shot. It always had the same, discolouring effect on my wife. She'd relax only after rattling around in the knife and fork drawer and fingering the cold steel. For a few days after I'd check the dog's swill for © ground glass, and after a few days things kind of died down. And just when I'd get my wife convinced that Henry's a good ol' dog anyhow, there'd be a snap of the rope, a terrific howl of freedom, and no Henry outside the door. So we took him away. I spoke to no one for a week. The mere sight' of a dog brought fog to my eyes. Garbage Day brought tears. Once, while- walking to work, I spotted a tail wagging from between two green garbage bags. For a moment, I thought it might have been, but the head that pulled out from inside of the bag, turned and looked, wasn't Henry's. My grief faded gradually, and to help fill the empty matt beside the china cabinet we have Norton, a year-old wiener dog. That's Norton VonShopsy Liverwurst (you need three names for the papers). Better known around our place as H.D. (Hundred .Dollar dog, or Hot Dog).- The decision to buy Lineage Dog rather than Pound 'Stock was made on the advice of a friend. "Look", said he, "Get yourself a purebred and you won't get a runner or a chewer. All the traits he'll have will be the traits of his parents. Nothing unpredictable." Well if that's true, we figure Norton was fathered by 'a community water tower. Actually, I'm starting to like the little camel. I figure just once in their lives, everyone should have a Wiener Dog and a good mop. As you might have guessed, Norton has this water problem. We've trained other dogs not to-you know--widdle on the rug, but there's a special problem with these wiener dogs that you don't realize until you 'em home. Fact is, you got to get down on your hands and knees in order to see if the Li'l Bladder is going. By the time you get down there, he's gone and he's off, and it's too late with the newspaper-on-the- snout trick. And last week he chewed himeself free and got into the garbage. ne SERRE ,-and see ahead and to the Snow Business "We've been spending most of our time this - past week in and around Port Perry, and even at the. - height of the adverse weather we've been having, it just didn't seem all that bad. Sure, there wasa lot of snow around and a bit of wind, but nothing that a _snow plow couldn't handle. But on Monday, we took a trip on some of the township concessions and got the shock of our lives. Drifts 15 feet-high and drifting snow, in some cases closing in as fast as they could be plowed out. In some .areas of the township on some- concessions, road and field merged into one. A section of Smith's side road on the west side of Highway 12 had completely disappeared under a blanket of snow. The amazing part of it all isn't that there's a lot of snow, it's that Canadians have managed not only to survive in this ridiculous climate, but that we've . prospered and run our lives on something of.a near to normal plane. * One need only compare our reaction to the adverse weather conditions as opposed to those in less harsh climate, where a few inches of snow once or twice a year can create near panic and confusion. Gaping at the huge drifts piled on each side of the road somewhere outside of Prince Albert, this writer couldn't help but take note that despite the enormous problem involved, most of the major arteries were ~kept open during the storm and much of the rest of the roads were either barely kept open or opened immediately 'after the worst was over. Facing all of this without cashing in our chips and taking a one-way flight to California or Miexico is perhaps a point in our general favour, but one has to recognize the contribution of those unsung heros of the day, boxed in for hour after hour in the cab of some snow-removing giant, stopping only to wait for the wind to die down, then going at it again. There must be an overpowering frustration as one clears a path along a section of road only to see .it drifiing back in through the .rear-view mirror. When you get right down to it, the responsibility of keeping these most vital links of communications open is an enormous one. Monday's short afternoon tour went off without a hitch." The tires didn't spin once and there was not need for chains or shovels. Think about it a bit, and you'll agree it's kind of a minor miracle. So for all it's worth, we'd like to say thanks to the guys in those plows. Ice Safety Ice is a major source of winter recreation. Skating, sledding, fishing, and just plain tomfoolery are commonplace activities on frozen farm ponds, small lakes, and streams. But ice can be treacherous and care must be taken to select ice strong enough to support such activities. Ice strength depends on thickness, daily temperature, snow cover, depth of water under the ice, and local factors of water fluctuations and currents. Falls through ice often Result in. drownings and always result in lots of misery. If you fall through ice, the initial shock will probably take your breath away, but you must force yourself to remain calm, says the Ontario Safety League. Extend your arms over the edge of the ice. Getting a grip may be difficult with numb fingers, so use a sharp object such as a knife, belt buckle, or even car keys to help you. Pull yourself up and kick your feet hard. Roll away from the break. Don't stand up until you are well away from the hole. In attempting to rescue someone, don't walk right up to the break because you could very quickly join the victim in the chilly water. Approach it carefully and slowly. "Lie flat to distribute your weight over the ice. If possible, use a reaching aid such as a board, tree branch, rope, pole, sled, long scarf or jacket. This will keep you back from the weak ice surround- ing the break. If others are available, you could form a human chain with each person lying flat on the ice holding the heels of the person in front of him or her. Keep 'the victim warm and seek immediate medical attention. TOO FAST FOR CONDITIONS The' faster you travel, the develop before you're aware greater limitations are plac- of it. Considering the risks ed on your ability to scan involved, states the Ontario Safety League, the time you may save by driving at a speed that's too fast for conditions is never worth it. sides. Thus an accident producing situation could " & ® 7 a » » « ® w 1 2S i * ~ 3 y -*