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C PS das CRs I RAT ih PA . " a a rBox by John Mack I have made a major discovery, and it came about quite simply. I picked up the phone and dialed. I dialed "1", then the area code, finally the number, and a male voice came on and mumbled something about, 'Owing to a temporary equipment problem we are unable to complete your call as dialed". I thanked him very much, to which he replied, "Owing to a temporary equipment prob....." and so on. Knowing full well the frailties of Mother Bell's equipment, I waited 30 or 40 minutes and I tried again. The mumbler came on again with his spiel about the horrible condition of his equipment, and again assured me of the temporariness of its condition. I sat back. How long is temporary? I didn't know. I looked up my friendly telephone directory and found the number for my friendly Bell Telephone business representative. I phoned her and we had half a chat. It was half a chat because she could hear me but I couldn't hear- her. Being the resourceful type, she phoned me back and we had the other half of our chat. It was just the other half because I could hear her but she couldn't hear me. Then, out of the blue, a young man appeared at the door. He was a well-spoken type, friendly as befitted an employee of the telephone company. He explained that some of our difficulties were being caused by mice in the insulators, but the telephone company was on top of this problem, they were going to deal with it. Apparently the first salvo to be fired by the telephone company was burying the cable, a subtle manoeuvre, I thought, but I was somewhat terrified at the thought of being caught in the middle of an all-out . war between the telephone company and Mickey Mouse. . However there seemed to be some sort of hitch or bly armistice since three months later we still ve a long coil of wire lying beside the back door. I don't know what the young man did, but he was a nice person and my wife and I grew quite fond of him. But we still, most of the time, have our temporary equipment problem. B But, Subs not all; our friendly, Je moe. than somewhat inefficient telephone com 8 ed another couple of non-comm ton 2 develop: Sometimes, when I pick up the phone it just goes, "Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm."' Other times if you phone me I shall answer, "Hello", and offer my usual telephone amenities consisting of, "Hello! Hello! Hello, Damn it!!! The &--7$) phone isn't working again!!!! - But this is wrong, and again I have slandered the telephone company. The phone is working, I just have _to raise my voice. As a matter of fact, I have to raise it quite a bit. I have to raise it so much that I am in grave danger of bursting my eardrums, but, at least it seems as though I can get through to the outside world this way. I know you must be wondering about my major discovery. I really think it's not only a major discovery, but it shows that the telephone company has a marvelous sense of humor. A marvelous sense of larceny, too, but, above all, a great sense of humor. You see, I was roaring at my mother who lives some 2,000 miles from me, and we were having an enjoyable conversation, when, out of the blue, my sister joined in. This was a shock because my sister lives 1,500 miles in the other direction, but, of course,.I was to hear from her. We roared of this, and we roared of that, and my mother joined in from. time to: time, and it was a great clan meeting so to speak (or rather, to shout), when I howled at my sister; 'Mary, I didn't know you were visiting Mother." She shrieked, "I'm not, I was just going to ask you how | "long you were going to stay with Mother." i screamed, "I wondered which of you was visiting the . My mother other one." .Now, I'm sure you have already worked out what happened. My window was open and I was not talking to my mother on the telephone at all. I was so loud she could hear me without benefit of telephone. She was doing the same, as was my sister. And; all this time the telephone company has had people who listen in on these long distance conver- sations so that they can bill you for the appropriate number of minutes. The solution to this problem is simplicity itself, I shall merely phone the telephone company to come and take away their equipment. But every time I try to do this, a male voice comes on and says, 'Owing to a temporary equipment condition, we are unable to complete your call as dialed." - ' So now, I have to buy some mousetraps, some mice poison, unleash the cat, switch off the television whenever the Walt Disney Hour is on, and generally say, "Up yours, Mickey!" Meanwhile, owing to a temporary equipment condition, I will be unable to pay any of my long distance calls this month, and don't pay any of yours, either. Northern authority... There seems to be considerable talk in the communities to the north of us (Victoria County-Lind- say). about the establishment of both a northern conservation authority and a waste disposal-reclam- ation plant. Both are seen to be an absolute necessity in order to meet pressing needs (and eliminate pressing problems) in the Victoria County area, and there seems to be a growing momentum to get at least the groundwork underway. * There's a built-in problem, however, that has risen up In the past to thwart plans for the establishment of a conservation authority. To make . an authority feasible, parts of neighboring commun- ities such as Scugog would have to be included, since watersheds are usually the natural boundaries of authorities and not political boundaries. Twice, before, there's been attempts at establish: ing an authority, and twice the effort has failed. Not that the hang-up has been all - or even mostly - at this end: Much of the heel-dragging was by municipal- ities north of us which drain into the Kawartha system. Scugog's answer to the dilemma has been to ask the Central Lake Ontario Conservation Authority to expand their jurisdiction to include most of Scugog Township and all of the lake, and although that request (made by Durham Region at the direction of Scugog Township) is presently under study by the Natural Resources Ministry, it Is obviously a better- than-nothing solution. : In fact, a 20-member Kawartha Conservation Study Group set up to study the feasibility of a conservation authority in the northern area has called the proposed CLOCA expansion into. Scugog 'undesirable' because it goes against the principles of boundaries based on watershed lines and would 'mean_that control of the waterheads of the Scugog drainage system would be in another authority. The criticism makes sense. There is little use in trying to clean up the water on the nozzle end of a garden hose while the guy on the other end keeps. pumping dirty water through it. There have been other suggestions, that may or may not be workable. The ministry itself has indicated it might look favourably on the extension of CLOCA even further north, including not only the proposed 182 square miles in Scugog, buf farther north to include more of the Scugog system. Be it a further expansion of CLOCA or the establishment of an all-new Kawartha-Scugog area authority, it makes sense to us that any future move should be a bold one that will provide answers and solutions, rather than a stop-gap measure that could well create future problems. ...and garbage plant? There are many similiarities between the author- ' ity proposal.and a proposal bythe Town of Lindsay fo establish a garbage disposal-reclamation plant. The main one Is the fact that it; foo, would have to include Scugog Township and even the Oshawa area to become a viable operation. " ' Seems that the northern communities - like us are rapidly running out of places to dump their garbage, and In some area - again like here - there has been opposition by local residents and officials about landfill site proposals. Garbage reclamation-disposal is the obvious answer, Lindsay officials feel, and they assert that the population served by the plant in the Lindsay- Peterborough-Port Hope Oshawa area would be enough to make the operation an economic one. The concept of a regional disposal-reclamation centre has the support of the Ontario Environment ministry, or so it seemed at a meeting of ministry officials with Lindsay representatives. Perhaps the biggest drawback to the proposal is that it doesn't provide the short-term solution so dearly loved by municipal politicians and their myopic constituents. The proposal provides enor- mous benefits - all of them five or ten years in the © future. } In a municipality where garbage disposal has been referred to as a 'crisis', we should look seriously at this proposal, \ © "+. vo