The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

4 -- PORT PERRY STAR -- Tuesday, June 5, 1984 editorial comments hd RE ~N Ze ronOMIC WAR: "Sx "mpopr RESTRICT, Is 7 4 e' / chatterbox by Cathy Robb COCK-A-DOODLE-DEAD And now for the agricultural report ... A young Rhode Island Red rooster is dead and a hen is in critical condition following a tragic incident on a farm near Claremont two weeks ago. Reginald Rooster (known as Reggie around the bar- nyard) of R.R. 1, Claremont was pronounced dead after suffering several blows to the head with a two by four. One of his 40 or so wives, whose identity is not known at this time, was the victim of severe peck wounds to the breast and wings after attempting to pick a fight with her dying husband. The owner of Reggie's farm, a human, has been charged with roosterslaughter, chickening out at the scene of the crime and murder most fowl. Witnesses at the scene were shocked when the bizarre slaying took place. "It was a realy nice day, real sunny, real warm. We were sitting outside waiting for the burgers to cook on the barbecue,' said the daughter of the accused. "Dad was out in the barnyard, finishing up the chores and carrying some lumber around. "The chickens were also out and Reggie was strut- ting around like he always did, protecting all his wives. And then, out of the blue, Reggie charged at Dad, scar- ing the you-know-what right out of him. Well, Dad flip- ped out and took that two by four and whacked Reggie, just wailed at him, over and over again, until Reg fell over on the ground. But the valiant rooster wasn't through yet. "And then, oh, it was really gross, one of the hens came over and started pecking at Reggie, maybe try- ing to eat him or something, | dunno,' the daughter con- tinued. 'And I just about died 'cause that darned rooster Jumped up and starting fighting with the hen. [ couldn't -leeve it. Blood all over the place. Feathers flying. Really neat. And then Reggie just fell over. Dead. | was screaming like crazy. My Mom was yelling and Dad, well, he felt bad I think but he was still swearing. | couldn't eat my dinner it was so gross." Accordir " '0 other members of the family it wasn't the first time Reggie had attacked the accused. It had become customary around the barn for humans doing chores to walk softly and carry big sticks. Just in case. The accused was reportedly in a fowl mood on the day of the murder, and had had a bad day at work. "I loved that rooster," the accused told reporters. "I didn't mean to kill him, really I didn't. You have to believe me. I just wanted to knock some sense into the little '@=8+°&!. That's all. | don't know how I'll be able to live with myself after this." All this is true. THE AGONY AND THE ECSTASY Why do people fry their brains in summer? They whine and carry on all spring about the lousy weather and when the hot stuff finally comes, they whine and carry on about the heat. And yet they sit in it. They don't sit in their air- conditioned basements or under the shade of a big tree. Oh no. they strip practically naked and plant themselves in the middle of their backyards or on a beach and fry their brains. They want to get a tan, they say. But deep down they know they don't want a tan. At least not at first. What they really want is a BURN, a cherry red second degree burn they can show off to their friends. "Ooooh, look" they will say to their co-workers on Monday morning. "Was I ever stupid on Sunday. Look at this burn. Can you believe it? Look at the strap marks. See how white I was? It really hurts. I don't think I'll ever sit out in the sun again without suntan lotion." But they lie. The average Canadian will do anything for a good burn. That's why our national colours are red and white. A good burn gives you something to complain about, which is what Canadians love to do best. It gives wives (or husbands) a real excuse to say "Don't touch me tonight, dear.' It gives employees a chance to book off sick. But more importantly, a good burn brings out the martyr in everyone. It means the owner is a man's man, whether or not the owner is male or female. It means you got guts. You can take pain. It also gives you something to write about in Chat- terbox. Just don't touch my shoulders, okay? ; HAWK JITTERS Guess who I'm interviewing this week. Give up? Here's a clue: '"He came out of Arkansas in '58, lean and mean, drawling and brawling, a wild-eyed son of the southern soil in a black shiny suit and a streak of red across his neck. His music was Ozark rockabilly, the music of his people, the raw, ripping, wailing funk that bespoke the darker elements of his heritage, of humid nights and baying hounds, of cracking guns and burning crosses. He made his way north to Canada in a beat-up '52 Chev, earning gas and meal money in roadhouses and honky- tonk joints where he kissed the girls and made them cry and fought their men and hoped they'd die. 'They was good times," he would recall later, 'but, Lawdy, some of them joints was so bad you had to show your razor and puke twice befo' they'd let you in." That's Ronnie Hawkins, of course, described by former Today Magazine writer Earl McRae. A lot's heen written about the Hawk. A lot's been said. (Turn to page 8) | Opening ~ Ceremonies Some of our readers may be wondering why the Port Perry Star is carrying a photo and story this week about a ground-breaking ceremony for a new manufacturing plant in Uxbridge Township. " The Star as a rule does not carry news of events which happen in Uxbridge Township, or anywhere beyond the borders of Scugog, for that matter. But the ground-breaking ceremony last week for the new Tokai disposable lighter plant is unique for séveral reasons. Firstly, it may be the first direct Japanese in- dustrial development in the three Townships (Brock, Scugog and Uxbridge) north of the ridges. The ceremony itself, which blended custom and traditions from east and west was unique and certainly did not resemble the sod-turning events we usually see when a new project is started. . More importantly perhaps, the Tokai plant in Ux- bridge Township, may prove to be just the kind of in- dustry that is so badly needed in rural communities. It is light, non-polluting, will provide about 30 local jobs, not to mention tax revenues, and will not have any kind of serious detrimental affects on the surrounding countryside. It is also an example of how governments at three levels can work together to bring new investment to an area. All the red tape for this plant was cleared away in about six months, and that has to be something of a record. Scugog and Uxbridge Townships have much in common: size, population, assessment, a mix of farms, small hamlets and growing urban centres where new people are moving to make their homes. With this population growth has come an intensified demand for the so-called 'soft services' that must be provided by the local government. An expanded tax base is critical if the local governments are to come up with the necessary funds to meet the demands of a growing population. We are convinced that local governments in smaller communities like Scugog and Uxbridge must take "the bull by the horns,' so to speak, when it comes to ex- panding the tax base. : It is no longer enough to say that we don't need new industry and commerce, more jobs locally, more develop- ment of all kinds. We can no longer afford to say we don't need jobs here, let them stay south of the ridges. Municipalities everywhere, large and small, are scrambling for new investment. The competition is tough, aggressive, and the movers and shakers play hardball when it comes to attracting new industry. It is for these reasons that the location of new and unique industrial project in our sister Township, Ux- bridge, is significant, not just for the people of that com- munity, but for the people of this community as well. We offer our congratulations to Uxbridge Township, the mayor and council for their role in bringing Tokai to their municipality and hope that the project proves as successful as the impressive ground-breaking ceremonies of last week. We hope it is an indication of things to come. And speaking of ceremonies, there is one coming un in Scugog Township soon which the people of this community can be proud of and should, if possible, make an effort to attend. We are referring to the official opening June 15, of the Dr. Matthew B. Dymond wing at Community Memorial Hospital. Construction of this $700,000 project is now complete and the ceremony and dedication of the new wing will get underway at 2:00 P.M. The public is most certainly invited to attend. After all, it was the ptiblic through their taxes and contribu- tions, which made the project happen. There will be the usual speeches, of course, refreshments will be served and those attending will be given a tour of the new wing and the facilities. It's your community hospital. Each and every one of us has an interest in the kind of services it provides. A lot of planning and hard work has gone into this pro- ject by a great number of people. So make an effort to get out to the opening ceremonies on June 15 starting at 2:00 P.M. Take a good look at your hospital and what it is doing to make this community a better place to live for all of us.