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4 -- PORT PERRY STAR -- Wed. August 8, 1984 "editorial comments Bir oF A HOLE INOUR LEFT, BUr ALL sysTeEms ARE GO. Gl Re lB BE i M4 == 2 Sah pm a ae Ber = O00 4. a a a ar lr chatterbox by Cathy Robb PAIN IN THE NECK People are such babies, aren't they? I'm no ex , of course. I hate pain. Twisting my baby toe around a chair leg is not my idea of a good time. I watch American pain-relief commercials with intone), SVAN io figure aut wich pill has inpe Grains of pain-relief (Anacin has seven), although I have no idea what "grain of pain-relief" is. Are there also "grains of pain?" You know, for the masochists in our midst who think headaches are fun. Don't masochists have rights, too? Oh fer sure. But in this great white country of ours (white as in porridge), pain is anathema to most folks. Masochists are in the minority, right up there with smokers, heroin addicts and virginal brides. The visible majority hate pain and I guess that's the way it should be. After all, pain signals somethi irregular in the body, something that should be fixed. Let's say someone hates your guts. So they take a gun and blow arm off. And then you start to bleed all over the place. Now if it wasn't for pain, you might not realize your arm was gone, and you just might bleed to death. But thanks to pain, you're aware of what's going on and you call for help. Someone stitches your arm back in place or glues on a fake one or just sticks on a big band-aid (that's if you don't have OHIP) and you're okay. So you see, pain is useful. Unfortunately, pain also hurts. Which is why we usually do everything we can to avoid it. Which is why doctors are rich. Cases in point: Pregnant ladies with babies go through all sorts of rituals to avoid pain during childbirth. There's those f breathing exercises, enemas, epidurals (why do all with 'e'?) and all manner of painkillers to help mama-to-be along. Mostly anybody getting an operation, whether it's to remove a heart or remove an ingrown hangnail, comes into close contact with an anesthetist, one of those guys who gives you gas and pushes drugs. So alright, you want to be unconscious when they split your ribcage open and take your heart in their hands ---- but you can eh Yous lowes vertehpas (hat tie guy Who hed ofen heart s in "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom"' 't have the benefit of so much as an aspirin. If he can do it, why can't we? 'Cause people are babies, which is what I've been trying to tell you all slong. They can watch blood and on TV every night of reek, but let them cut their ers and watch them howl. Animals, on the other hand, are not babies. They take their pain like a man, with hardly a whimper. Take horses for . When a foal has a hernia, a veterinarian will often take a clamp and tighten it around the offending lump. Every day the clamp is ad- justed, screwed tighter and tighter, like a medieval stretching machine. No pain killers, no ASA, no nothing. Che clamp just gets tighter until the hernia falls off. Ouch. And when a stable owner decides his prize stallion isn't such a prize after all (who knows, maybe he's im- potent or gay or something), it's time for a little gelding operation. Now, a to my sister, who has seen this done, the horse IS injected with a strong dose of something-or-other that knocks the animal out for two minutes. I mean this junk is so strong that the animal stops breathing for two minutes. And that's all the time the vet has to make an incision and then crop off the offending symbols of masculinity with a large pair of pinchers. After the two minutes is up, and the horse is a few ounces lighter, the newly gelded ex-stallion gets back on his feet and is sent back to his stall. At the stable where my sister works, that's the end of treatment for the | bloke. There's no more painkillers, no nothing. The wound is cleaned and ex- amined periodically, mind you, but that's about it. My sister says most horses are in agonizing pain for at least a week, pawing the ground restlessly and crying out every once in awhile. But on the whole she says they take it pretty well. s That's 'cause they're not humans. And then there's the blistering techniques ad- ministered to victims of the racetrack with lame legs. A peculiar substance is rubbed on the sore leg, which is wrapped up and left for a few days. During that time, this stuff actually burns off the hair and skin, blistering the surface with ugly sores. I have no idea how blistering is supposed to cure a horse's lameness but many horse owners swear by it, including my sister, who applied the stuff to her own horse's leg. Poor brute -- he's also a gelding. Not all horses are gelded, of course. I thought I'd mention that in case you were wondering where baby horses come from. Speaking of foals, childbirth is pretty primitive where horses are concerned. One minute these brood mares are pregnant ---- the next minute there's a baby running around. There's no hospital, no doctor (for most of them ---- some of the more expensive animals will have a vet around to help out) and no drugs. No epidurals, no breathing exercises. Just a newborn foal. You've really got to admire the horse, and all of nature's animals. They do what they've got to do and they put up with things most humans wouldn't, with nary a complaint. When I grow up I want to be just like them. EE IE TE EE 8 - Back to Basics As the Los Angeles Olympics move into the second (or is it third) week, most Canadians with even a casual interest in sport have found themselves in front of the TV set as both CBC and the American network ABC are providing coverage of marathon proportion. And why not? Despite all the controversies surroun- ding these games, they make far better viewing right now than the election campaigns being staged both north and south of the 48th parallel. With the '84 Olympics embroiled in a major con- troversy long before the first medals were handed out (has there ever been an Olympics without controversy) many serious critis wondered if the Modern Games were on their last legs. Fifteen countries, led by the Soviet Union, stayed away from LA this summer as politics once again reared its ugly head in front of what is supposed to be a spor- ting event. Politics may yet be the death knell of the Olympics, but one is also struck by the sheer weight and volume of these games. Quick now, how many different sporting events are there in this Olympics? You don't know? Don't feel bad, nobody else knows either. Linda Thom of Canada won a gold medal on Day One for pistol shooting. Can you name the specific category? Oh, well, does anybody care? The Games have grown far too large. Many of the events are hardly sports. And certainly, many of the sports have no semblance to the Olympics of ancient times. And even more sports are being added each year. Even Los Angeles, with all its sports facilities, wasn't large enough for these Games. Soccer, for example, had to be played on a couple of fields 4000 miles away on the eastern seaboard. Many people agree that the Modern Olympics need a major overhaul if they are to survive. Certainly the suggestion that a permanent site be built in Greece is a reasonable one. The cost of staging the games is beyond the ridiculous point. And rather than add more events and sports, the number should be greatly reduced, with emphasis plac- ed on athletics which reflect the ancient traditions: run- "ning, jumping, throwing, wrestling and weight lifting. In short, the Games should be simplified. Let the skeet shooters, the equestrians, the swimmers, the gym- nasts, the volleyball and basketball teams, the rowers, sailors and high divers stage their own world champion- ships every two or four years if they feel the need to find out who is best in the world in these activities. But do they belong in the Olympics? The Games need three things: to get rid of the politics; a permanent home in Greece; and a return to the basics of sports. Getting rid of the political influences may not be possible, but the other two are, and might just put some real meaning back into the words "athletics" and 'Olympic Games." Break From The Past John Turner may have made a serious mistake last week when he announced that Senator Keith Davey would become an active player in his campaign as one of four co-chairmen. The Senator is no stranger to federal election cam- paigns. He orchestrated two of them for former Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau, and herein lies the problem for Mr. Turner. Senator Davey is inextricably linked to the Trudeau years. Somewhere along the way he was tagged with the not-so-complimentary title of the *'Rainmaker," and a reputation as a back-room fixer and power broker. When Mr. Turner was fighting for leadership of the Liberal Party, he pledged some new directions, a break with the past. He even went so far as to say there would be no rainmakers directing his campaign. itis true that Mr. Turner's campaign leading to the September 4 federal election was stuttering and stumbl- ing last week. He has made some bad gaffes, his per- formance in the debates less than polished, and even Liberal Party workers said the overall campaign was operationally and strategically in trouble. It is also true that Senator Davey may be an organization genius, the kind of person who can sort things out in a hurry and make things run smoothly from an operational stand-point. But election day is still five weeks away. Was the (Turn to page 6) pr EAI em pn 54,