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6 -- PORT PERRY STAR -- Wednesday, September 9, 1987 One Woman's View by Chris Carlisle Forget the after dinner mints. Pass the condoms. No longer is it safe to be wined and dined and to fall madly, pas- sionately in love over dinner. Well, I suppose it's okay to fall in love. It's the hazards of dessert that threaten. That's why waiters should be bringing complimentary little packages with the dinner bill instead of candies or chocolate truffles. A good waiter these days should be the one who takes careful note of the action at the table. As the wine is poured and consumed, he should keep an eye on his diners' eyes. If they never meet his, but remain glued on each other's, it's a sure sign they might need his assistance. Innocent young damsel may have gone to dinner with only a mild interest in dashing young man. But soft lights, candlelight and wine, combined with just the right amount of charisma on the part of the "young man, could have her knees turned to mashed potatoes by the time the steak arrives. Innocent young damsel may not have had any intention of pur- suing the relationship past the verbal stage ---- at least not on that date ---- so may be unprepared. And dashing young man may have been so smitten that there was no way he'd ever consider express- ing his burgeoning emotions too soon. But a romantic dinner together can unleash all kinds of dangers. Namely hormones. As the young lovers dine, easing their physical need for food, those hormones just get wilder and hungrier and more and more insistent and rebellious. The young lovers may find by the time they've reached her door that a goodnight kiss mere- ly appetizes. How unfortunate if they aren't prepared. How scary if they risk getting AIDS anyway by abandoning caution. Handsome waiter to the rescue. There's a television condom commercial running late at night ---- well, elevenish ---- with a sweet young thing saying: "You think you know him." After said romantic dinner, no doubt "sweet young thing wants to know a lot more. "But he had a life before you." Blam! Wham! Just in case you were thinking you were the only one he'd ever love, you're remind- ed he may have played the dinner scene a hundred times before. Didn't that waiter call him by name? People will continue meeting and falling in love and falling prey to their bodies' chemistries. It will go on becoming "bigger than both of us" until scientists rearrange the chemical makeup of our bodies. And people will go on falling out of love too ---- sometimes rapidly ---- and moving on to seek that perfect love, maybe over yet another dinner. That's why we need condoms, not after dinner mints. Man ---- and woman ---- is weak. We're often suckers for pas- sion because we all want love. And face it, for many, after a few dates, a few glasses of wine, or a few beers, down goes the guard and open go the arms. Hormones rage. Therefore, condoms should also be tastefully wrapped and slip- ped in behind the labels on the wine bottles ---- especially cham- pagne. Once the bottle's empty and the amorous urges are full, all one would have to do is discreetly peel off the label and voila ---- (Turn to page 8) Letters It's about those signs, again To The Editor: Permit me to briefly respond to some of the statements made by Messrs. Kerr and Williamson, who seemed rather disturbed by my ex- pressed concern involving the place- ment of signs at busy intersections and traffic safety generally. First of all, any 2x4 foot sign is certainly large enough to seriously impede a person's view of oncoming traffic, if indiscriminantly placed and at eye level. A person should not have to *'position himself" to ade- quately see, as was suggested. In any event, it appears that many others share and echo my sen- timents, including our own Durham Regional Police Force, who have on more than one occasion seen fit to remove signs from almost the exact same location as the one in question. Further, it's rater distressing that any constructive concern and honest attempt to reduce the risk of per- sonal injury (or worse) should be construed as a *'personal attack" on anyone. Viewpoint by John B. McClelland (From page 5) Last year, the Township commissioned a Recreational Needs Study (at a cost of $25,000) which came up with nearly 100 recom- mendations. Almost a year has gone by and I don't think one of those recommendations has been adopted. I understand fully that recreation facilities cost big dollars (things like an indoor pool), a second ice pad, a proper indoor fitness and recreation complex are beyond the financial ability of the Township (at this time), but what about five years down the road? If Scugog continues to grow, the population could be nearly 20,000. The time to start planning for five years is now. And finally, parking. Finding a spot on Queen Street is in- creasingly difficult. The lot behind the Post Office is jammed to the point where people are parking in the alleys and the driv- ing lanes. Downtown Port Perry has changed into one of the most beautiful of any community in Ontario. A lot of merchants have spent a lot of money renovating and upgrading their stores, building new ones and so on. Too bad nobody has paid attention to the growing problem of where to find a place to park. I am not being critical of anyone in this article, merely poin- ting out what anyone who lives here can see for themselves. Growth is fine, keeps the local economy ticking and humm- ing, provides jobs and so on. But new houses, new stores and offices are only part of the picture. The other part of the picture has not kept pace. : If Scugog continues to boom at the present rates, somebody had better start paying attention to the other things, like park- ing congestion, traffic snarls, recreation facilities and schools. We finally are going to get a new elementary school in two years. Is anyone thinking about what will happen in four or five years time when a lot of those public school students are ready for high school? And finally, I was nothing short of amazed at the gratitious propos;- tions that a leader should not he blamed or accountable for the ac. tions of his "volunteers." I'm cer- tain that Mr. Cureatz, as a lawyer would never resort to such a de. meaning defense. As the saying goes Messrs. Kerry and Williamson, '"'me thinks thoy dost protest too much." Yours sincerely, Steve Melnichuk, R.R. 2, Port Perry, Ontario Thank you 'teachers, board To The Editor: On behalf of the parents of a High School student, some of the students and I suspect, many of the teachers, I wish to say a big Thank You to the Secondary School Teachers Federa- tion and the Durham Board of Education. The fact that they persevered in negotiations until a mutually satisfactory solution to their dispute could be reached, is gratifying. To all concerned, again Thank You. Sincerely, J. Muir, Port Perry. Music results Lisa Bailey, daughter of Ralph and Eleanor, achieved First Class Honours on her Grade Nine Royal Conservatory of Music piano ex- amination with a mark of "87." Lisa studies with Doris Beaton of Oshawa. Random Jottings by J. Peter Hvidsten FAIR DAYS By the time this paper hits the street, I will have spent quite a number of hours walking the grounds of Scugog Township's two annual Fall Fairs. A couple of weeks ago, I spent the afternoon at the Blackstock Fair, taking pictures for the paper as well as socializing with some of the many people attending. But the highlight of my day was the annual "Media Milking Contest," which takes place each year on the track in front of the grandstand. Having not milked a cow sincé I was a youngster back on my uncle's farm at Novar, Ontario near Huntsville, the challenge intrigued me, but at the same time I was rather nervous about how I would do. During the afternoon I spoke to a few local farmers, asking them for some advice on just how to get the milk to flow quickly. I was told the techni- que was to squeeze the teat right under the udder and then with my fingers work the milk down and into the bottle. So, during the afternoon, I practiced the motion as | walked about the grounds taking pictures. When the time arrived, only two members of the media, Gerry Brett of CKQT-CKAR radio in Oshawa and myself were present, so Blackstock Fair presi- dent Rolly Coy and Secretary Joyce Kelly volunteered to jump into the challenge. Joyce quickly positioned herself near the rear quarter of a champion Holstein and I gingerly took my place on the opposite side of the beast, carefully petting the cow, letting it know I meant it no harm. There I sat on my one-legged wooden stool, star- ing into the side of the Holstein with a glass one-quart bottle in one hand and my right hand edging down to the huge udder. I knew Joyce was still on the other side as I heard her talking and could see her feet sticking out under the cow, but from my vantage point, I could not see the other two competitors. Finally we were given the word to commence milking and I took a firm grip of the teat and gently pulled down. Nothing! Not one drop came out on the first pull, so I'tried again, and again. Then, like I had broken a seal, the milk started to squirt out in fine, warm streams, flowing down the inside of the milk bottle. / At one point I even heard the MC say something like *'it looks like Hvidsten has got it going good now," but it might have just been the excitement, or [ was wishfully thinking that I was in the lead. There was a lot of laughing and yelling going on, but I really don't remember much of it, as my full concentration was on getting that bottle filled-up. Then as we were told there was only 30 seconds left, [ took a quick glance at the bottle and was surprised to see that I had little more than covered the bottom with milk. When it was finally over, Joyce Kelly emerged victorious, with both Rolly Coy and Gerry Brett in close pursuit. For myself, it was rather embarrass- ing to see that I had barely been able to get enough for a small glass of milk. But there is always next year! At the Port Perry Fair on Saturday, I was con- vinced by Dr. Bill Cohoon to try my luck at throw- ing bales of straw, with the winner getting a cash prize. [stood and watched the techniques of quite a few people before I decided it didn't look that hard, and so paid my one dollar fee and took up the challenge. Grabbing the bale with both hands, I stood back about 10 feet from the foul line facing the opposite direction. I took a few deep breaths, looked over my shoulder and then proceeded to spin my way to the line, gathering speed as the outstretched bale took to the air. The throw wasn't all that great, but my (Turn to page 8) a CT