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10 -- PORT PERRY STAR -- Tuesday, October 20, 1987 OPERATION SCUGOG Agrin is year, OPERATION SCUGOG, will be coordinating the distribution of Christmas assistance to families in need, living in the Township of Scugog. Many of our churches, community organizations and businesses will be lending a hand and making donations to the project. If you wish to receive the assistance would you please com- plete the form below and return it before November 15, 1987 to: OPERATION SCUGOG P.O. Box 600, Port Perry, Ontario LOB 1NO or telephone: REGIONAL MUNICIPALITY OF DURHAM Social Services Department 579-0622 (ext. 257) An OPERATION SCUGOG committee member will be in touch with you to advise when the hampers and gifts may be pick- ed upe "Best Wishes for the Christmas Secason" NAME: ADDRESS: Number & Sex of Adults in the Family: Age & Sex of Children (eg. Boy 4 Yrs.; Girl 10 Yrs.): Phone number where message canbe left: ~~ (From page 9) the strength to cope with your dif- ficulties. The closest Ala-Teen meeting is in Oshawa, 108 Bloor St. West, at 7:30 pm. on Thursday nights Our next speaker introduced 1s Elaine and I hear her husband, who is sitting behind me, say he's glad she's going to be the first to speak. He sounds as if he's nervous about getting up and telling their story as a husband and wife split apart by the ravages of alcoholism. SUFFERS IN SILENCE But his wife, Elaine, does well and tells us she found help through Al- Anon after years of suffering in silence. She tells us that she is the youngest of five children and suf- fered from an inferiority complex throughout her formative years, never feeling as if she fitted in. Then she met her husband, Bob, when she was 18 years old. They married after knowing each other for three years and her mother told her she would never be able to keep Bob because she was too big a girl. Her weight had always been a problem. Elaine says, 'I started out my marriage by giving in totally to my husband. We drank together heavi- ly." --And eventually the booze started to create problems in their home. In an effort to start over they went to an A.A. meeting in Lindsay and came home and poured all the booze down the sink to signify their intention to quit drinking. Afterwards she asked Bob to go back to the A.A. meetings in Lind- say, but he said he didn't want to. In fact, he stayed sober for the next 10 years, but Elaine says. it was a miserable time and they still didn't have a meaningful relationship. She says, "All we did basically, was sleep, eat and work." She finally felt forced to see a Psychiatrist because she thought she was going crazy. But when she went to the Psychiatrist she was told she wasn't crazy, but needed to let her feelings show She says, "When I told Bob this, he said I shouldn't let my feel- ings show and threatened me that if I did, he would start to drink again.' -- Sure enough he did, at a Christmas party they went to and it was downhill from there after 10 years of being sober. In the following years Elaine was in and out of their home with the children. As she put it, "From the use and abuse of alcohol." Bob was a violent person and she felt in- secure and not wanted, needed or loved. It took her three-and-a-half years to reach the doors of Al-Anon and she believes you have to reach bottom as well to use Al-Anon. Elaine says she hated herself then. But at the first meeting of Al- Anon she no longer felt alone. She says, "90 percent of my problem was my way of thinking. --But through the love and care of the pro- gram of Al-Anon, today I can accept myself." In addition the program has helped her to have a good rela- tionship with her mother and this did not exist before Al-Anon for Elaine. POOR COMMUNICATION At one point the communication in her marriage was so poor that she and Bob wrote letters to each other, but this has changed and now they communicate well. Of course, their two daughters were affected by the problems in the marriage and the alcoholism. Elaine says that when her eldest girl started to drink, "I automatically pegged her to be the same as her father." Elaine con- fesses that she has a terrible fear of alcohol today and that with her daughters she has had to learn to "Let go and let God." In summing up her feelings, Elaine said that, 'It's nice to be able to like myself today. I don't feel bet- ter than anyone else, but equal. 1 am glad I found myself through Al- Anon." After Elaine shared her ex- periences with Alcoholics Anonymous with us, her husband, Bob, came to the lecturn to talk and told us that he was breaking his anonymity now,- although at one time he didn't want people to know he was an alcoholic. Like everyone else, he said to rest assured he would protect the audience's anonymity on the "'outside." Bob says, '"The most beautiful thing to me is to be sober. When I came to A.A. I did not know what love meant and today I know what it is to be wanted, needed and lov- ed. | damn near threw it all away for the sake of an ounce of whiskey." Then Bob tells of his three brothers in A.A. who individually have been sober for about 25, 16 and 7 years. He says, "A.A. gave me my brothers back." At one point in his alcoholism, Bob tells us, "I held a 12 gauge shotgur: to my brother's head," and if Elaine Fellowship is important had not stepped in, he hates to think of the consequences. Bob describes his 10 years of sobriety as being a 'dry drunk, waiting for the chance to pick up a bottle. In the course of their mar- riage Bob and Elaine saw four mar- riage counsellors. --But they fought many times and he hurt his wife physically as well. Bob says he blamed Elaine and she accepted it. One time when they saw a Psychiatrist together, the Psychiatrist congratulated Elaine on growing and asked Bob when he was going to grow up. Bob cancell- ed any further appointments. STARTING TO HEAL Bob says they still have problems today. --But his daughter doesn't have to say, "Please Daddy, don't hit her anymore.' One of Bob and Elaine's daughters failed a year in school because she was so afraid her mother was being beaten. "We don't have alcohol in our home today and we don't associate with people who use alcohol or go to dances with alcohol." For me, 'Sobriety means contentment and happiness and I like better what I see,"' says Bob. "Today our life is starting to heal." Just before he finished speaking, Bob shared a Christmas letter he and Elaine received from one of their daughters last year. It said: "Dear Mom and Dad: This is not a special gift, but it is something I wanted to do. I want you to know how much I love you and how you treat me like an adult and respect my thoughts and feelings. I am so glad now that we are a real family and get along the way we do and we owe it all to A.A. and Al-Anon." "THis letter is to all you people as well," said Bob. "Without you this couldn't have been written. This was given to me by the grace of God and you people." The Goodtide Group of Alcoholics Anonymous meets at 8:30 p.m. at the United Church at Queen and Lilla in Port Perry on Monday nights. New and old members are always welcome, rain, shine or snow, every Monday of the year, regardless of special holidays. The front Room ANTIQUES & COLLECTIBLES both big and small at LANDFALL FARM R.R. 1, Blackstock, Ont. 5 mi. east of Port Perry on Hwy. 7A (416) 986-5588 OPEN EVERY DAY Except Wed. & Thurs. by chance PRE-INVENTORY SALE 10% DISCOUNT through October 31, 1987 Kip £. Gemmill Antiques and Estate Jewellery will be featuring a collection of . VICTORIAN JEWELLERY Sale -- Saturday, October 31st phe NORTHERN Yi, Co. 227 Queen Street, Port Perry 985-0154