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I know the perfrect replacement for Ronald Reagan. The candidate is tough, knowledgeable and has stamina plus. It's Bulldog Jones, my grand- mother. It was watching Reagan on TV that triggered the idea. A friend commented on what a job Rea- gan was doing, considering his age. I said Grand- ma, who's 87, outdid him in every category. Bulldog Jones wasn't always Bulldog Jones. She used to be Grandma Jones to us; Maggie Jones to her peers. But this Christmas somebody made a diplomatic faux pas that riled her badly, and Grandma, banging her fist on the dining room table said enough was enough. She was getting tough. "No more Grandma Jones! It's Bulldog Jones fron now on." Bulldog went on a couple of days later to play Santa at a gathering for 100. The original Santa, a hearty 27-year old didn't show and none of the younger, more fit males were willing to don the beard and persona. Grandma--I can't keep calling her Bulldog, it doesn't seem respectful--showed her colours and rallied to the rescue. She's good in an emergency situation, a necessity for President. She charmed all the kiddies--okay maybe she scared a couple-- and pleased every adult. Charisma, savoir faire--all assets for a president. 'She's a hard worker. Not afraid to get her hands wet or dirty. When she retired at 65, she became a live-in babysitter for a select clientele who needed someone to stay with their kids while they went wherever. She stopped that around age 80 because whe wanted to have a little fun. Then she took up pool--the kind with a cue and the wet kind. Before heading off to the seniors' pool hall, she'd swim a mile every morning. From there it was bowling, or lodge meetings or Bingo or just shopping, riding the underground rails of the TTC. She has nonstop energy and curiosity. She insists she wants to learn to waterski. She can't sit still. She repapers her dining room at least once every six months. If she's not One Woman s View by Chris Carlisle ' BULLDOG JONES FOR PRESIDENT ryone up and the driver wasn't moving until he shampooing her carpet, she's painting the kitchen. The woman is a dynamo. When I was transferred out West six years ago, she jumped at the opportunity to drive out with me. She'd never seen the Rockies and although 1t meant she'd have to sit in the front seat of a Vega for six days, she was all for the adventure. I have to admit I felt a whole lot safer traveling across Canada with her as co-pilot. The woman has grit and patience. Not once in the entire trip did she ask me to stop to usc the la- dies' room or for a coffee, or to stop and sightsce. I'd ask her if she wanted to stop soon and she was accommodating all the way. Whatever 1 wanted, whenever I wanted. I was driver and she'd adjust to my schedule. A president like this would endear herself to many. But she also knows when to stand tough. One night a year ago on a Toronto bus, a driver was ar- guing with a teenager who was refusing to pay his fare. The driver wasn't moving the bus until he paid. Grandma got riled and marched up to the guy, telling him to get off the bus--he was holding eve- paid so he better pay up or get off. When Grandma, who is 5 foot-one or so, gets angry, look out. No pussy footing around for her. The guy turned and ran and away they went. This woman reads the morning papers every day and knows every side to every issue. She's no slouch when it comes to politics and social issues. She wants a return of the lash for rapists. Forget throwing them in jail. Give them the lashes and rub salt in it. That'll make them think twice. For all this toughness, she's a woman of love and will always take time out from her busy sched- ule of doing pushups on the lving room floor or entertaining us with her singing and dancing and kibitzing, to help out someone in need. Without a though for herself, she's nursed sick and dying friends and relatives and runs immediately and un- selfishly to the aid of anyone in trouble. She'd make a fine leader. Start the wave now. Bulldog Jones for president! Letters I---------------------- Phantom is upset! To the Editor: Sorry, but the I'hantom had 10 photocopy this letter. The Phan tom's hand ly dyiny quickly and all the spelling errors will attest 10 this. Would you please print this let- ter. Mayor Taylor has the original which was addressed to him and council, The Phantom knows this letter is not one of the nicest | have written, but what council is trying to do is not exactly the nicest ei- ther. Thanks again. The Phantom Dear Mayor Taylor: The Phantom has a question and perhaps you would be so kind as to answer it for me. . Why is it necessary for Mr. Moerhing to be purchasing a piece of parkland from the residents of Port Perry? This disturbing fact was brought to The Phantoms attention only recently. The Phantom was in- formed it is a matter of public knowledge and after some diligent searching through the Port Perry Star. The Phantom found the grim news buried at the end of a rather Canoeing (Turn to page 6) see many new faces at our next meeting. Drop in and sce Lang Cope at Daisy's Fabrics. Registration for Lake Scugog Canoe Club at the Latcham Cen- tre on Saturday, April 23rd, 11 am. to 3 p.m. Roy Walker Smith lengthy article. Twelve lines on page 17 of the March 1/88 issue. ow perhaps this has been pub- lished before and The Phantom is Just behind in current events, but the question remains, why is it necessary for us 10 sell our park- land 10 a developer? Now The Phantom realizes $20 million is a lot of money coming into the arca. It will benefit all of us, but at what cost? One of our main industries is the tourist trade and that flourishes because of the attraction to the lake and our parklands. If we start selling off our parkland to be de- veloped we have lost that natural resource and source of income. Where will our children and grand- children play? How long before Palmer Park can be purchased? How much money would it take? Fifty or sixy million perhaps? The Phantom realizes in nego- tiations like this there has to be a certain amount of give and take, but perhaps all of us do not agree with this. The Phantom does not wish to sell The Phantom's share of this piece of parkland. There are other residents in town who do not wish for their share of that parkland to be sold. The Phantom does not need the money, do you? Please don't sell out so easily. Please save our parkland. Anticipating your reply, The Phantom Protect yourself against cancer in two ways; know the 'Seven Steps to Health" and contribute generously to the Canadian Cancer Society, this year celebrating 50 years of progress and life. Random Jottings by J. Peter Hvidsten THE PHANTOM Received a letter from The Phantom last week, along with a copy of a letter he sent to Mayor Jerry Taylor, of which you can read on the Star's letters to the editor pages. The Phantoms big concern in this letter is the selling of a small piece of parkland to the develop- ers of the Conway site, and whether council should be selling-off parkland. It has been no secret that Mr. Moehring has wanted to buy a triangular piece of parkland at the extreme south end of Palmer Park ever since the proposal was first brought to council a year ago. In fact it has been reported several times throughout the past year. But in answer to The Phantoms question,"why is it necessary to sell our parkland to a developer", | would like to offer this answer. First of all the piece of land in question is pres- ently worthless (as parkland) and is only being used as an area for parking cars, trailers, and collecting - garbage. And even if council decided not to sell the land, it would probably not be developed into groomed parkland for years, if ever. Secondly, by selling this piece of "scrub-land" now to a developer who will incorporate it into his development plan, the small parcel of land will actu- ally become a landscaped greenbelt, in conjunction with the seniors apartment complex that is pro- posed near that site. Also the selling of the land, of which | would es- timate should be worth about one hundred thou- sand dollars, will give the council a much needed in- jection of cash for other park projects that are far more important than owning that small, triangular piece of muddy bog. Is this council, or any council for that matter, go- ing to sell-off the rest of our parkland to develop- ers? Come on Phantom let's not be stupid! | dare say there has never been a council that does not realize the terrific asset Port Perry has in owning a large piece of parkland along the shores of Lake Scugog. In fact,our present council is doing everything in their power to ensure that there is plenty of park- land for our ancestors to enjoy for years to come. This is apparent by councils insistance of new de- velopers to keep the lakefront land in their pro- posed subdivisions open to the public. Disposing of that piece of worthless "parkland" is not what | would call "selling-out to the develop- ers." Infact, | applaud this move by council realizing that the money will probably be used in other areas of our park system that need improvements. See you in the park! APRIL HAS ARRIVED It appears as if we have winter behind us now, although let's not be too suprised if we get one more good blow of snow before the flowers burst in our gardens. April! What a great month! Already we have returned to Daylight Savings Time and that extra hour of daylight each evening is more than welcome after a long, dark winter. Mind you it does take a few days to get accustomed to the change in time as our sleeping patterns get a little messed up. : Have you had a look at the lake lately? Well if my guess is right, we can expect the ice to completely leave Lake Scugog sometime this week. Last year the ice left the lake on April 6, and it is quite possi- ble we could match that date this year if we get the right weather. One of the most ridiculous things to happen in April so far this year is the Toronto Maple Leafs winding up in the playoffs! Can you imagine a team that won only 25% of their games all year getting themselves a spot in the playoffs. With their luck, they'll probably beat Detroit Red Wings and take a good run at the Grey Cup. Now that would be a complete farse for the NHL. April Fools day came and went this year without notice, and | would suspect it is because it fell on Good Friday. Most other years: someone seems to come up with a good idea for an April Fools joke, but I've heard of none this year. Even J.B. McClel- land didn't muster up an April Fools article for the Star this year, but considering the response to the one he did last year, maybe that's good. Like | said earlier, April is a great month. We can now look forward to warmer days, longer nights and the fresh, clean smell of Spring.