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spared for a special reason Continued from page 9 chance at life? I thank the capable doctors at PMH who, while nearly killing me with chemo and radiation, saved my life with an innovative approach to chemotherapy; Bald was not her best look but when Tammy weighed baldness vs death... she chose to go wig shopping! believe me, bald was NOT my best look, let me tell you; but in the big picture when you weigh out baldness vs. death; I chose to go wig shopping! Chemo was a week-long event for me; I was hospitalized for 1 week every 3 weeks for 6 months and I got to see my kids for one hour every 4 Wednesday at lunch...I felt like I was in prison! My chemo was a toxic cocktail of Ifosfamide, Doxorubicin, Mesna, Kytril (an anti-emetic) and _steroids...oh and HRT to help with the meno- pausal hot flashes and mood swings... chemo was followed by 6 weeks of daily radiation and CT scans every 3 months. When my journey began I spent a lot of time praying and a lot of time crying. Some days I needed posi- tivity and the strength of oth- ers; sometimes I needed to hear everything was going to be OK, even when none of us knew if it would be. In terms of survivor- ship... I wasn’t sure if the term ‘survivor’ was something you earned after a period of time... because really just when do you become a survivor? One month, two years, five, ten? I didn’t know at the time that I became a survivor on the day I was diagnosed... I “Cancer is the anchor that brings me back to what is really important, and that is usually not laundry!” didn’t always feel that way, because I didn’t know if I would survive... there are no guar- antees; but I have come to learn that you definitely are a survivor upon diagnosis; and each day that you wake up is an A+ on the 10 FOCUS - MAY 2008 report card of life and I celebrate that with pride. Cancer is a lifelong journey, not only for the patient, but for all those that love them. It is the roller coaster of your life with highs and lows, tears and hugs and a boatload of determination. You also have to accept your mortality and somehow find peace with that. I am thankful for and try to celebrate every single day; I still get caught up in the trivialities that life brings but cancer is my anchor that brings me back to what is truly important; and that is usually not laundry! The period following treatment is a whole other road entirely... a highly emotional, extremely anxious and scary time because you feel like chemo is your security blanket. think of Linus from Charlie Brown, carry- ing around his blankie... dusty, stinky, ‘all of holes... it’s disgusting but you just gotta have it! Relay For life More than ever you feel completely isolated and need a good support system. Part of that support system for me was Relay For Life. The first time I participated in Relay For Life was in June 2005. I’d heard about it on TV and looked online... reading about the survi- vors lap gave me goosebumps... and it still does. When my family and I arrived at Relay, we were in awe... so many faces, so many blue shirts, so many white (blue for the survi- vors, white for team members/volunteers)... I also saw hundreds and hundreds of luminaries; little candles in bags, each one Spessling a survivor or a loved one lost to the dise: Seeing all those blue shirts and luminaries filled me with many mixed emotions...pride and a sense of belonging and a profound sad- ess... look at how many of us have battled this disease and won... and look at how many of us battled and did not. But, overall I felt alive; the hair on my arms stood on end (it was nice to have hair on my arms once more!) and it felt like a party, a celebration that while cancer may have touched each of our lives it wasn’t going to beat us down. When we started the ‘Survivors Lap’ I really didn’t know what to expect... when I saw all the teams and volunteers along the sidelines, clapping and cheering us on, all I “My hair grew back, my life grew back and today each day truly is a gift...” could do was cry... it was so touching, it was magical... I felt like we were all celebrating together that we were alive, it is one of the most special and vivid memories of my life. s you can see, my hair grew back, my life grew back, but in a very different way... the colours of life are more vibrant, the sky more blue, the grass more green, my hair more grey; each day truly a gift. I believe I was spared for some special purpose and I believe that being here today, along with my time spent with the CCS helps to fulfill a part of that purpose. I truly hope to help increase awareness of the far-reaching effects of cancer, to help not only the newly-diag- nosed survivors but those of us that know and love them. Survivorship is a message we need to strive to share with the newly diagnosed. I hope to help increase a sense of empowerment for each one of us; and to decrease the deep-seated fear so many of us associate with cancer. Cancer should not be a journey we take alone or even just with other cancer survi- vors...it is not an exclusive club; we are all invited, from all corners of the globe, to be a part of this journey. There is not one of us untouched by this disease. It’s an experience I wouldn’t give up for a million dollars, but wouldn't pay a dime for either! I encourage you to become a supporter of the Canadian Cancer Society and become involved with Relay For Life; I know it will change your life. ky Tammy Maclsaac-Horoath Special to Focus on Scugog focus@observerpub.ca