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Continued from page 7 more joy, contentment and love. In her mind, this meant kids, a husband and the white- picket fence that came along with it. And with this intense desire for a new kind of life, came the same desire for per- fection - though this time Crystal says she sought perfec- tion in her ability to mother rather than in her appearance. “I wanted to be the mother my mother never was,” she explains. “I wanted to be supermom.” Evidently, just as Crystal felt like she was riding an emotional roller coaster in her 20's, she felt the same highs and lows with motherhood. “I gave up everything,” she says, “And I lost myself when I had my kids.” Burdened with the weight of 80 extra pounds and an unhappy marriage, Crystal says she had an epiphany and realized she needed to honour herself and reclaim her happiness and her identity apart from her role as a mother and wife. After leaving her marriage and turning to meditation, prayer, exercise and writing for self-therapy, Crystal slowly began to discover that she — and only she - had the power to determine her happiness, her success and her own vali- dation in life. “Sometimes tragedy is the greatest blessing,” says Crystal as she refers to the darker period in her life. “You have to know who you are without your achieve- ments,” she explains, “so that without them you still like who you are.” She adds, “We all have to push ourselves to the edge even if we are afraid. We need to find our tipping point. If you're not willing to fall, you don’t know what 10 FOCUS - SEPTEMBER 2010 your edge is. Take on more. Push the envelope. Thriving is incredible.” Now settled in Greenbank with her daughters, a new marriage and a fulfilling career, Crystal finally feels she has become the woman she was always destined to be. But it did not come without a lot of soul-searching. “You need to have the courage to seek out what you need,” explains Crystal, referring to her decision to step back and re-discover who she truly was and what she wanted out of life. “Once you do seek out what you need, you'll be able to align yourself with who you really are.” And this focus on “aligning oneself” is what Crystal's wellness philosophy is all about: understanding that we all have “the right” - the right to accomplish things and the right to love ourselves. Nutrition, exercise, financial stability, relationships and spirituality are merely the tools that allow us to honour ourselves and get to that point of feeling empowered. Empowerment, Crystal explains, is a concept that women struggle with and it is the very reason she feels most compelled to work with women. She believes that the problem lies in the natural tendency for women to nurture and care for others before themselves. “Women have always been told: your job is to please your man. That made you a good woman. Women were taught to be lovely and gracious...but it’s not working,” Crystal says with a look of sternness. “Women are waking up angry! And it’s not until we take that anger and turn it into courage and give ourselves permission to be ourselves that we can feel empowered.” Bottom line, Crystal says, “Women are still more dis- empowered than men.” Less than 100 years ago women were not even allowed to own property, she points out. And less than 40 years ago some women were not entitled to vote. “It’s crazy!” Crystal says in amazement, before adding, it’s no wonder women struggle to find their own self- worth. But Crystal insists she is no “man-hater,” she simply recognizes the positive qualities in men that women also have “the right” to possess. “Men don’t ask for permission to feel empowered,” she adds. “They just do.” Empowerment is the key to success and happiness, she says, and it is a right we all deserve. Whenever Crystal needs a dose of strong female inspi- ration she looks to her house and the history it harbours. After all, her 150-year-old Greenbank farm was home to Margaret Hunter, the first woman in Canada to go to the Attorney General and ask that her husband be removed. from her property. Coincidence? Perhaps, but Crystal feels she was destined to be at this house and to start a new era of the women’s movement. “Sometimes I say to myself, that Margaret Hunter is looking over us, she’s watching,” Crystal says with a smile. And as women from all different walks of life gather in the Greenbank farmhouse to retreat, it’s safe to say Margaret Hunter would be proud. Christina Coughlin Focus on Scugog