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by William Thomas VOTE YES TO UNITY, PAIN AND BICKERING So whaddayathinka this unity deal, eh? Is this a piece of work or what? In all of history I can recall only two other documents that can match this agreement on clarity of principles and commitment of col- laborators. The first was Howard Hughes' will and the second was the contract between Lady Sarah Ferguson's toes and her financial adviser. As deals go this is a doozy. This is the kind of deal you'd expect Madonna to cut in a confessional, the kind of deal Pete Rose would make with the body of Bart Giamatti. This deal, concocted by 11 white guys and one native, has no title and no legal text. Nobody under- stands it (and that includes the men who created it), nobody trusts it, nobody likes it. In Canada this is known as an offer you can't refuse. Which is precisely why it will be ratified by the Canadian people in the upcoming referendum. The fact that his agreement has been masterminded by the man nobody understands, nobody trusts and nobody likes -- the man we elected to the highest office in the land with a majority government not once but twice -- pretty much cinches the deal right there. If the "NO" forces can prove the agree- ment can't possibly work, the "YES" movement could be in for a landslide victory. This is the Canadian way. Quirky. I love this deal, if only for enter- tainment value alone. Can you imagine a world in which democra- cy is breaking out like a brawl at a hockey game, a world in which Nelson Mandela will win a "one man, one vote" principle for all South Africans and we're giving ours away. In some parts of the country, it'll be a "halfman, one vote" and a "man-and-half, one vote" in other areas. Check your local listings. This surrender of democracy for the sake of a constitution will no doubt precipitate a whole rash of Canuck jokes at the United Nations. "Hey, did you hear the one about the Canadians? They took a consensus on freedom of speech and they did it by secret ballot." But like kernels of corn in a bran muffin, this deal too will pass. And I heartily endorse it. I will vote "YES" because according to Prime Minister Brian Mulroney a "NO" vote on Oct. 26 would mean, I'm not making this up, "economic chaos both in Quebec and across Canada." (This is a lot like Teddy Kennedy stating that drinking and driving can cause traffic accidents). I will vote "YES" because as External Affairs Minister Barbara McDougall assured the 47th General, Assembly of the United Nations, a "YES" vote will "im- prove the functioning of already highly regarded democratic institutions." I will vote "YES" because Ontario Premier Bob Rae equates it to seizing "this moment of recon- ciliation" while his predecessor David Peterson says it's a "a noble way to solve Canada's problems." I will vote "YES" because former Alberta Premier Peter Lougheed says if we don't "the constitution issue won't hit the national agenda for a dozen years" and because fic- tion novelist June Callwood thinks it's a truly good deal. And as one of many "YES" men on the unity deal, I can only add my personal assurances that if you vote "YES" on Oct. 26, you will be able to have sex with anybody now appearing in a television beer com- mercial and after it's over, they will have your waist size and you will have theirs. The truth of the matter is that a "YES" vote will lead to years and years of bickering and bitching and a "NO" vote will lead to years and years of bickering and bitching and in Canada this is known as a win/win situation. Greed knows no regional restraint. We are first and foremost a nation of masochists -- Brian by a majority, not once but twice. We could never legalize public flaggings in this country because good, honest average Canadians would trample the prisoners in try- ing to tie themselves to the post. Canada -- Whiners R We. You might as well vote "YES" on refer- endum day. Either way we're in for ages of agony and nobody likes a sour-puss. It's as good as any rea- son we've heard so far. Letters io the editor "Don't be mislead" To the Editor: This isin reference to your ar- ticle and letters in the Sept. 29th issue concerning the up- coming vote on the Constitu- tional Referendum. In spite of a listing of the "il- lustrious" supporters of the "YES" vote, true Canadians with even a modicum of concern and intelligence will vote "NO™!! Canada was and is, a nation wrought of many immigrant races, all of whom have contrib- uted, in their own way, the es- sence of their origins and which have, over many decades, en- riched this country to an extent envied by much of the world. Why then are we being subject- ed to this political, power- grabbing ploy? My political views aside, one of our true con- stitutional experts, Eugene For- sey, has stated emphatically, that there is no need for ANY Constitutional change, save and except minor clarifications. No province, no county, no township nor no municipality has, under a true democratic system of government, any rights greater than another. The "concessions" being offered to the power-mad politicians of Quebec under the guise of Con- stitution Accommodation are nothingless than a total abdica- tion of responsibility by Brian Mulroney and his ilk. "Distinct Society" indeed! Are we all not distinct? Do not be misled and do not Remember When 2? HISTORIC PHOTO COURTESY OF THE SCUGOG SHORES MUSEUM VILLAGE acquiesce! These political plot- ters have attempted to convince you, spending your own tax dol- lars to do so, that you are tired of the political wrangling and that if you give in and vote yes, you will at last, have political peace. If you vote yes, it is the equivalent to the opening of "Pandoras' Box." Far greater demands will follow! VERY SIMPLY, would you sign a blank contract? Would you sign a blank cheque? Have you actually seen the Charlotte- town Agreement? Mr. Mulron- ey appears to be emulating the character in the play, Guys and Dolls, who states, "there ain't no spots on these dice but I re- member where they were." VOTE NO, and send Ross Stevenson and his fear- mongering fellow MPs back to do the job we charged them with selbst Ry when they were elected, to rep- resent us and our interests, not those of Messrs. Mulroney, Bou- rass: and their minions. A ES vote that carries will create, not a unified and pro- gressive country, but a geo- graphical nightmare similar to that presently destroying for- mer Yugoslavia. If you are truly a believer in a Federally - Gov- erned Canada, VOTE NO! Yours truly, Keith Charles, Port Perry. Due to the extremely large volume of LETTERS TO THE EDITOR this week, some will be found in Pictured above is the North Nestleton Store (circa 1910), formerly located east of the North Nestleton United Church. Thursday, October 2, 1947 John McLaren, Port Perry, has grown a pumpkin weighing 75 pounds. The Port Perry High School Cadet Corps won the Lord Strathcona Trophy. A bad storm recently lifted Mr. Russell Carter's large shed on Scugog Island and threw it against the barn, wrecking the shed. Mr. and Mrs. Rowe and family of Whitchurch have moved into part of the home of Mrs. Margaret Williams. Mr. and Mrs. Ewart Diamond of Prospect celebrated their 26th Wedding Anniversary. Thursday, October 3, 1957 Port Perry Teen Town became the first winners of the Ontario County Softball trophy. Officers elected for the Port Perry Hockey Club were Barry Howey, president; Don Carnegie, 1st vice-president; and Bill Harrison, secretary- treasurer. 45 YEARS AGO 35 YEARS AGO The South Ontario Plowing Match will be held this year on the farm of H. Malcolm and Son in Pickering. Epsom Public School won the highest number of points for their exhibits at the Port Perry Fair. Harold and Jean Kyte were elected presidents of the Blackstock Couples Club. 30 YEARS AGO Thursday, October 4, 1962 Mrs. Louise Patterson won six firsts, two seconds and one third prize at the Port Perry Fair; four firsts and one second at the Blackstock Fair; and a second prize for a hooked rug at the Canadian National Exhibition. At the Port Perry High School Inter-School Track and Ficld Day, they had three medal winners. They were Dennis Cochrane, Bob Fawns and Arianne den Boer. A group of Scugog Island people attended the Open House at Camp Adelaide Girl Guild Camp. PLEASE TURN TO PAGE 8