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Did I mention my mother was liv- ing with me? Well she's not, she moved out. So a quick check of my life lately goes something like this -- my cat died, my mother left me and I was recently informed that the trust com- pany where I keep my life's savings had a slight shortfall of $571,000,000 at year's end. If it gets any worse I could become a country and western song. Yesterday the guy who comes by to read my electricity meter said "Hi, how ya' doin?" and I punched him in the stomach. So how am I really doing? Barely better than Brian. This rift with my mother is really bothering me and I don't think it was at all my fault. Pure and simple, my mother has a foul mouth and I just couldn't take it anymore. Now Marg doesn't swear like a trooper or even a 13-year-old hanging around the corner store smoking and impressing his friends. You must remember, my mother is years of age. (She got very upset the last time I mentioned her age in this column and made me promise never to do it again. So figure it out -- she was 85 by William Thomas MOM MOVED OUT, THE AIR'S STILL BLUE before I made that promise and she had a birthday just the other day, Sept. 24). - So her cursing, given the time dif- ference from today back to the days when she was young and people were marveling at the first design sketches of what we now call the wheel -- is dif- ferent but no less damning. For instance, I like to tease my mom, innocent little pranks like I'l take her to the United States to shop and I'll leave her there. And when the policeman brings her home the first thing she'll say is (and right in front of the officer too)! "You stupid jerk!" Okay, I probably deserved that and besides if you tabulate recent let- ters to the editor of this newspaper, calling me "a stupid jerk" puts my mother in the category pollsters like to call the vast majority. And when I try to apologize she'll say something like buzz off or take a long walk off a short pier. As 1 said, given the temporal leap of nearly one century, this is pretty strong stuff. Now I know my mother's nervous in a car so when we start out for the chiropractor's office I'll say I bet John, my neighbor 10 bucks I could make the trip in under four minutes. (It's about a 15 mile drive). And first she'll go for the rosary and then when she realizes I'm just joshin' her she'll say "Oh, go to grass!" Go to grass? I don't have to tell you what a solemn swear word grass was in the dust bowl of the 30s. And one time (this actually hap- pened) after my mother had a wonder- ful evening dancing with a young and gallant gentleman at a wedding, I had my lawyer call her, posing as the book- ing agent for television's Dance Fever, offering to have her and her partner on the show. Funny how she dismissed the whole thing as a joke until the $50,000 grand prize was mentioned and then it was a problem of what to wear. Anyway when she found out I was behind the whole thing she uttered a malediction that mortified me. First she gave me the look, the look of the Irish that causes people to apologize for everything wrong in the world including the Great Potato Famine of 1846. (But she survived it, and that's the main thing). And then she said: "Go to grass and eat clover!" This being a family newspaper I won't even hint at the implications of this ageless obscenity. I thought that I'd heard every scur- rilous word this woman could spew until we were in a restaurant recently and I convinced her it was a restaur- ant that had imposed the new No Doggie Bag Law. My mom loves to eat half her dinner and bring the rest home. I actually got the waitress to come to the table and confirm the new legislation and explain that way too many dogs were being heimliched. My mother was most upset until they pre- sented her with her doggie bag at the door and right there in public she smiled and thanked the ladies and turned to me and said: "Go to grass and eat clover!" Embarrassed, I opened the door to get her out of there and as she was half way through the door she turned so our faces were nearly touching and finished her dirty damnation with: "And what you don't eat, roll over!" Well the restaurant people may. have been amused but they don't have my sense of historical blasphemy. I wanted to wash her mouth out with soap. So how are things in my life? They'd be a lot better if my own mother was not constantly cussing me up and down like an army drill serge- ant with his shorts in a knot. Yesterday I picked her up to go out and I happened to be wearing a tie and jacket. "Looking pretty snazzy she said. Snazzy? Is that just more profanity? Excuse me. I'm off to the library to look snazzy up in the Encyclopedia Of Time Honored Curses. Letters io the editor More about the Country Market To the Editor: [just don't believe it! Here we have two young couples trying to make a living at the Country Market, they are hiring kids and keeping them off the street. They are also filling an empty building, one of several indus- tries that have had to close down and then we hear that there are a couple of business people trying to stop it. What is the matter with their heads? Give them a good shake and realize the spillover.from the flea market is going to help you and believe me you're going to need it before long. Not many of us can afford your trendy prices. So for Heaven Sakes, let up and stop fighting someone else trying to make a living. If you want to complain and fight start being constructive and fight the monstrosity they are planning at the other end of town, now that is going to create a traffic jam like you never saw before. It is going to hurt a lot of business and spoil the best park area we have. Fight that instead, it makes a lot more sense. Myrtle Prentice, Port Perry. Deserves Credit To the Editor: [ write this letter not to ad- dress the future of our country or any such major issue, merely to acknowledge the achieve- ments of an area resident whois overdue for some credit. Scugog Island's Rod Sauder enjoyed an extremely success- ful season of racing in the Super Late Model Division yet is still relatively unknown to a large number of people. This is due in part perhaps, to the fact that he races primarily at Peterbo- rough Speedway and not high- rofile Mosport. However he has won a very impressive four consecutive Super Late Model Invitationals (one each at Bar- rie, Sunset, Peterborough ard Flamboro Speedways). These races include the top drivers from Peterborough and Mos- port as well as several drivers who only run these special events. The most recent at Flamboro Speedway also fea- tured several top drivers from Michigan. Needless to say to win one of these events, let alone four in a row, 1s a very significant achievement. Rod Sauder may well be the top stock car driver in Ontano; it 1s time he was recognized as such. Yours truly, Bill Rose. LETTERS TO THE EDITOR The Port Perry Star encourages our readers to make use of the letters to the editor column to express their opinions and viewpoints on just about any subject, as we feel a lively letters column helps make a better community newspaper. We insist, however, that all letter writers sign their name. Sorry, no anonymous letter will be printed. Remember a Yo), 0°'0O DS When 2? IN HISTORIC PHOT O COURTESY OF THE SCUGOG SHORES MUS & EUM VILLAGE & 7 pr gd ps SX The Gordon boys from Cartwright Township during World War 1 (1914-1918). 45 YEARS AGO Thursday, October 9, 1947 Four members of the Port Perry Lions Club attended the advisory Committee meeting held in Peterborough. They were past president Don Crozier, Lion Art Crook, Lion Mansel Gerrow and Lion Cecil Ptolemy. Mr. and Mrs. Wm. Jeffrey of Scugog are moving to their new home in Port Perry. Mrs. Groupe of Prince Albert has donated a piano to the Sunday School of Prince Albert and Mrs. Newham donated a space heater Mr Mac Christie, Manchester, was one of the winners on Achievement Day for the Beaverton land. Baby Beef Calf Club at Beaverton Fair. ys 35 YEARS AGO s°- Thursday, October 10, 1957 Beare Motors Limited received a Long Service Award at a dinner in Toronto recently This award was given to 15 dealers in Eastern Canada for 25 years service with the Chrysler Corporation Anson Gerrow of Scugog Island has just returned from a trip to Western Canada points. The third liquor vote taken in Uxbridge in 41 years was defeated last week in plebiscite that saw 87 per cent of the eligible voters at the polls. 30 YEARS AGO Thursday, October 11, 1962 Eunice Roach and Susanne MacMaster, . members of the 1st Port Perry Guide Company, received their All-Round Cords under the leadership of Mrs. Dorothy Nelson. The South Ontario County Plowing Match was held on the farm of Leonard Jarvis in Seagrave. The Hon. M. B. Dymond Trophy was won by Howard Malcolm of Greenbank for the best plowed In the Cartwright High School Field Day, the senior boys' champion was Floyd Argue with 24 25 YEARS AGO Thursday, October 12, 1967 About 125 Liberal supporters from the Ontario Riding gathered at Lwaissa Lodge, near Atherley, to PLEASE TURN TO PAGE 8