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# 3 J & i 1S i ® 8 [i] ) ¥ t "A Family Tradition for 126 Years" I'm not too good at math. I realized this at the end of Grade 7 when -- after having a really good year academically speaking -- I was promoted to Grade 7. I like to think I skipped a grade, if only in my mind. A few years ago I saw an oppor- tunity to overcome my numbness with numbers by signing up for 52 weeks of McLean's Magazine and getting their handy, dandy pocket calculator and digit alarm clock free. In four years of trying, I'm still unable to access the damn thing. It has an OFF button but no ON. Luckily I've gotten a lot of use out of the SNOOZE ALARM otherwise I'd have stopped carrying it around with me a long time ago. By the way, if you're a McLean's subscriber do they mail you two iden- tical copies of each issue? I've phoned and I've written to get them to stop and every week I get two identical issues. They've given me no choice but to cancel my subscription because I can no longer afford the time it takes to read both copies. I can't figure out why it took Hurricane Andrew with 165 M.P.H. winds, two full days to get from the Bahamas to the coast of Florida. I lived for a time on Harbour Island by William Thomas YES - THE NUMBERS ARE VERY POSITIVE and the mail boat from Miami made better time than that. Anything going 165 M.P.H. that takes more than two days to travel 75 miles must somehow come under the jurisdiction of the Canadian Energy Commission. And suppose you're coming back from Europe on the Concorde and you make a phone call home to have somebody pick you up at the airport. (They say you can make telephone calls from airplanes now. Yeah sure. And I suppose you can tape one pro- gram with your V.C.R. while watching a totally different program on another channel. How gullible do they think we are)? Now the Concorde travels at Mach 2 which is twice the speed of sound. (Once again I don't mean to be skeptical but I used to wear Mach 2 Arrow shirts and they never made me any faster). So what I don't understand is if you're travelling at twice the speed of sound and you telephone home, wouldn't you get there before your voice does? I mean you could have one of those Alexander Graham Bell moments in which you yell into the phone: "Mr. Watson come here I want you" and then tell yourself you have the wrong number once you're home and the call comes in. Think about it, when you arrive home after the Concorde trip you could actually refuse to pick yourself up at the airport. It's this kind of knack for numbers that has me voting YES on the refer- endum. The numbers reconcile the whole deal for me. Just look at Pierre Trudeau's argu- ment. Oh sure, Pierre is in a real pique because Quebec gets 25 per cent of the vote in the House of Commons with an escalating line-item veto to Supreme Court with nine judges divided by three perpetual Francophones. But this is balanced by the Saskatchewan Clause which states when Grant Devine comes out of pub- lic life in March and sees his shadow, Manitoba gets shafted for 12 more months of "sweetheart" government contracts that go to Quebec. I under- stand all this and what's more when I run all this through my calculator my SNOOZE alarm lights up. But where did Pierre Trudeau announce his NO stance? At a $6.95 buffet at the Maison Egg Roll in Montreal! (I'm not making this up). Now do you think for one minute that when Quebec becomes its own country with its own army, its own navy, its own taxes and the high cost of house arrest for Pierre Trudeau that any of us will ever again be able to sit down to a $6.95 Chinese buffet in Montreal? I don't think so. Simply put, a YES vote could mean unlimited complimentary egg rolls forever. Just look at what Prime Minister Brian Mulroney has predicted: if we vote YES the average Canadian fami- ly of four will be making $91,000 annually by the year 2000. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha...Oh, ha, or ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Sorry, I just got a mental glimpse of our prime minister in the year 2000 and his nose had grown so long it was the same size as his jaw is now. Now this promise that some would characterize as unfair to knock knock jokes, was not Brian's fault. What he said was the average Canadian family of four would earn 91,000 by the year 2000 and some pinko, commie, media creep put a dollar sign in front of it so it came out $91,000. He meant pesos. If the average Canadian wage earner is willing to relocate to Mexico at Mach 2, arriving about the same time as his or her job does, then they'll earn $41.13 annually. Now convert that to U.S. funds and you're making $32.39 in American money in a country where you can buy a taco with a shot of tequila on the side for less than a buck. Pretty good deal, eh? Vote YES on the referendum. If we don't jump on this one, the next con- stitution agreement will be so mathematically complicated even I won't be able to explain it to you. LeHers io the editor Dog-gone system To the Editor: On Feb. 1, 1992, my son, daughter-in-law and their two small boys drove from their home in Lindsay to our house in Port Perry to water my plants, leaving their dog "Birdie", a large bassett-hound in the hatchback of the car. When they returned a short time later they discovered a horrible chocolate, jelly mess as Birdie had man- aged to make her way up to the front seat, rip open a fresh box of donuts and wallow her way through them. Needless to say the kids were furious and my five-foot 100- pound daughter-in-law disci- plined Birdie with a swift kick. The next day they were charged with cruelty to animals and instructed to appear in Oshawa Court on arch 31, 1992. Apparently the discipline action was witnessed by a neighbor who knew nothing of the circumstances, nor did she bother to investigate, but re- ported the incident to the Dur- ham Regional Police. After numerous, costly trips from Lindsay to Oshawa Court Against duck hunters To the Editor: When my husband and I moved to Port Perry, we con- gratulated ourselves on finding a beautiful, peaceful place to spend our retirement years. We certainly didn't expect to be woken at dawn for weeks on end by gun blasting duck hunt- ers. It's like living in a war zone! An example of a noisy minon- throughout the winter, a trial was set for Oct. 20, 1992. At no time did anyone, other than my son, daughter-in-law and the court officials appear in court. There has been no investigation regarding the dog's condition, home or environment. Is it any wonder that our courts are so bogged down? Perhaps a drunk driving charge, a child molester charge, a theft, a rape or murder charge could have been pro- cessed much quicker ifaninves- tigation and a little common sense had been apphed in this incident. Although Birdie 1s a loving and well-loved animal, leading the life of Riley, she could be completely fictitious as far asoursystemis concerned. Now on Oct. 13 my childrens' lawyer has advised them to pay $300 (which they cannot afford) to the Oshawa Humane Society and on Oct. 20, 1992 this case will be thrown out of court. How- ever, you, the taxpayer at least now know where some of your taxes are going. Joy Forbes PortPerry ty being a pain in the neck for the rest of us I suppose. Super technology we may have, but as long as there are those among us who take pleas- ure in destroying defenceless, beautiful creatures we will nev- er be civilized. Yours truly, Joan Holman Remember When 2? HISTORIC PHOTOS COURTESY SCUGOG SHORES MUSEUM 45 YEARS AGO Thursday, October 23, 1947 Mr. and Mrs. Segal were honored at a going away party at the home of Mr. and Mrs. W. Holtby, Prospect, prior to their leaving the community. The temperature this year must be warmer. Mrs. Ed Fines brought a bunch of raspberry canes bearing plenty of ripe fruit into the Star office. The Boy Scouts had a Paper Drive and the proceeds netted the Scouts more than $50. Wallpaper for this year sold for 15 cents per roll. Men's rubber boots sold for $2.98 a pair. 35 YEARS AGO Thursday, October 24, 1957 President Storey Beare reviewed the progress rade on projects throughout the year at a meeting of the Chamber of Commerce held at the Scout Hall. At this meeting a cheque for $100 was voted on to help Minor Hockey in Port Perry. The Port Perry Lions Club has also donated $100 to help Minor Hockey. Burns Presbyterian Church, Ash- burn, celebrated its 100th anniversary. A barn on Scugog Island belonging to Charles Wilson and rented by Clifford Redman was destroyed by fire. 30 YEARS AGO Thursday, October 25, 1962 Scout Master Stuart Lane and 15 scouts attended a Scout Meeting in Blackstock to hear Mr. S. Hackett, President of Oshawa Fish and Game Protective Association give a talk. Maybelle Rebekah Lodge installed their new officers and Sister Flossie Ball, District Deputy installed the officers. Sister Lillian Harper was installed as Noble Grand. At the annual meeting of the Boy Scout Group Committee, it was noted that there were 165 girls registered in the three Brownie Packs and three Guide Compames. Gerald Nelson, president of the association, chaired the meeting. Ray Webster wag nominated chairman for the upcoming year. Be ad Wm. H. Leonard, a photographer who set up shop on Perry Street in Port Perry, took this picture of a young child. Can you identify the child. If so, give us a call. 25 YEARS AGO Thursday, October 26, 1967 The corner stone for the new addition to Port Perry High School was laid. Mr. Cy Richardson, chairman of Central Ontario District High School Board performed the duty. Honeydale Womens Institute presented the village with four park benches as their Centennial project for this year. Dr. Beverly Northcott Smallman was awarded the 1967 Entomological Society of Canada Medal for outstandinge achievement in Canadian Entomology at the Macdonald College, St. Anne de Bellevue, Quebec. Dr. Smallman is a native of Port Perry and former student at Port Perry High School. Centennial Ball costume winners were Marie Snooks and Rev. R. C. Rose. The ball was held at Club Annrene. PLEASE TURN TO PAGE 8 re IPR <a nr ES