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A WY nn. Se «0 Roy Lah dd "A Family Tradition for 128 Years" PORT PERRY STAR - Tuesday, July 12,1994 - Ja John, at the Portuguese Travel Club in Toronto answered each of my requests with the words: "No Problem." Return airfare from Toronto to Lisbon? A rental car for three weeks? An apartment in the Algarve for one week? Said John: "No Problem." You know how they say, getting there is half the fun. Well with an airline mysteriously named Canada 3000, getting there is half the problem. The flight my brother-in-law booked was scheduled to leave on Monday, May 30, at 8:30 p.m. in the evening. It was late. An hour late, two hours late -- that's no problem. But when it finally lifted off at 7:30 p.m. in the evening on Tuesday, May 31 -- WHOOPS! -- John, problem. Some people 'who booked the Portuguese Travel Club's seven day "Sneak-A-Week" special. In a magnanimous gesture, while preparing for takeoff, the captain came on the PA system and said "Sorry for the delay." I know it doesn't sound like much but if you were there, it made you kind of weepy. The official 'word was that they had to fly in a replacement plane from Paris when ours was grounded with mechanical problems. I have no idea what Canada 3000 stands for, but the number definitely does not represent the size of the fleet. | Then there was the incident. Somewhere over the Gaspe Peninsula a number of people cracked open their duty-free purchases and poured themselves a drink, since Canada 3000 had not made the offer. Danny and I thought this was a great idea, so we took a splash of his Kentucky Straight Bourbon. That's when we met Tracey Terrific, a stewardess who seems to have trained for the job by reading way too many Nancy Drew Mysteries. You see, the other passengers camouflaged their liquor with complimentary Coka Cola and sipped away to their hearts content. Danny and I couldn't do that. As I mentioned, it said Straight right there on the label of the bottle. We didn't want to break any rules. Tracey, the flying detective, noticed the paleness of our apertif and - WHOOPS! - problem. When Tracey demanded to take a sniff, Danny handed her a can of Coke. The other sippers in our section thought Tracey was going to demonstrate the inflight emergency Coke versus Pepsi test. Anyway, Tracey threatened to alert the authorities upon landing and we put a cork in our sour mash. Can you imagine the headline: "Canadians Arrested For Drinking Their Own Liquor?" Tracey was very willing to sell us drinks, lots of them, by the glass and by the bottle, but for us to drink our own was not only dangerous but right up there, between terrorism and hijacking, in violations of international law. But then everything was fine until we arrived at the Apartamentos Porches Praia at Senhora Da Rocha in the Algarve and out of 60 units which one do you think was uninhabitable due to an unspecied major problem that would be fixed any day now? WHOOPS! Problem. But then everything was fine when they put us up at the five-star Hotel Viking across the street and we were told by Talma, the apartment manager, that we could stay at the hotel and if there was a problem in switching back to the apartment we'd be notified the next day. And we had to know the next day because we planned to tour through Spain to Morocco for one night and two days. No call, no problem. So everything was fine until we Straight From The Hip by William Thomas WHOOPS! THERE WENT MY SUMMER VACATION arrived back at 2:30 a.m. of the second night and -- WHOOPS! -- the manager of the Hotel Viking had mqved all of our personal belongings out-of our room and down to the desk, rented our room and changed the lock mechanism. So in the middle of the night they transferred all our stuff into the apartment. Talma was quite surprised. The manager of the Viking was sorry. And nobody could tell me if it's actually legal to evict a paying customer from his own rented residence in order to make a few fast Escudos. The apartment plumbing was still leaking when we left. But there was nothing anybody could do. But wait, maybe there was something they could do. They would bring us back to the Algarve for three days as their guests and Talma would make the arrangements and she would be sure to fax me the details at the Penta Hotel in Lisbon, unlike the last screw-up in communications. And- she did. Screw-up that is. Because -- WHOOPS! -- The Penta was faxless from Talma. It turns out, it was mostly my fault. You see "no problem" in Portuguese is pronounced WHOOPS! And if the Hotel Viking is a five-star hotel, my name is Leaf The Unlucky. For Canadians planning to vacation in Portugal, remember, British Columbia is beautiful this time of year. ITs ose alee sale ends July 16294 aerobic wear RESPONSIBLE FIREARMS OWNERS OF ONTARIO 117 Perry St., Port Perry 985-0842 ATTENTION ALL FARMERS, HUNTERS, SHOOTERS AND GUN OWNERS PRO GUN OWNERSHIP RALLY SUNDAY, JULY 17, 1994, 11:00 AM DEL CREARY PARK (LITTLE LAKE, DOWNTOWN PETERBOROUGH) WHY WE NEED A STRONG SHOW OF SUPPORT: * The Federal Government Is proposing more gun controls on law abiding gun owners including an outright ban on all handguns and semi-automatic long guns (these are your hunting guns) plus the requirements of a FAC to purchase ammunition. e The next step is a ban on all guns » Federal and Provincial legislation is making the cost to lawfully own or possess any gun prohibitive (while having no affect on crime) THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE TO STAND UP AND BE COUNTED BRING YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILIES WE WILL NEED FINANCIAL SUPPORT TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN Donations may be sent to Responsible Firearms Owners of Ontario c/o R. Ormond RR#6 Peterborough, Ontario K9J 6X7 Advertising space donated by Eastway Property Management Inc. SS SN NSN SNS William Sandiford S11 Cle [SER {el STEIN SH) Cle ld I-H * Business Concepts & Solutions e Computerized Accounting set-up e Electronic Countermeasures e Local Area Networks (LAN'S) * Software and Hardware e Training and Support (905) 985-1877 Agriculture - Commercial [ale [VIS ((EVR-Talo Rat E11 'Cover Me Beautiful' Custom Upholstery | 235 Queen St., Port Perry Proprietor: Shawn Nanay 985-3900 Some people say we need more gun control. But here's what you already have to do to own a firearm in this country: Take an optional Federal course and mandatory test to qualify for a Firearms Acquisition Certificate (FAC). Submit to a thorough police examination of your social employment and psychological history, when you apply for the FAC. Go through an interview process with police and provide solid references. Wait a mandatory 28 days before your FAC is approved and issued with a photograph. If you want to hunt, you must take a separate mandatory hunting course, which also covers firearms handling and safety. Submit to another provincial written and practical test on firearms handling. Abide by strict federal laws that govern dozens of firearms handling and safety situations. They include: Storing firearms and ammunition separately and under lock and keys; rigid transportation standards; and tough guidelines for using firearms. This message brought to you by: Port Perry Rod & Gun Club Inc. Contact 985-8884 Days Members of: ONTARIO FEDERATION