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"A Family Tradition for 128 Years" PORT PERRY STAR - Tuesday, August 30, 1994 - 3a I love Wainfleet -- the three-store downtown core, the finest land in Canada reserved exclusively for cows, the Burnaby Airport where parking is free but the runway must be mowed on a regular basis. But mostly I love Wainfleet because it gives me so many things to choose from in August, Pick On Your Own Hometown Month. Yes, once again it's time to pull out the Letter To The Editor stationary because it's time for you know you're from Wainfleet if..... You know you're from Wainfleet if you were shocked when you learned some bathroom. You know you're from Wainfleet if you refuse to fill in the box next to Sex on the census form because you believe people who brag about it aren't getting any. You know you're from Wainfleet if you find yourself in that embarrassing predicament of being married and engaged at the same time. You know you're from Wainfleet if people read newspapers outside the by William Thomas YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM WAINFLEET IF.... you've ever bragged to a waitress or store clerk that you're a personal friend of the mayor. You know you're from Wainfleet if you think getting in touch with your inner self involves surgery. You know you're from Wainfleet if you finally come out of the closet and admit to the guys at work you're a Baptist. You know you're from Wainfleet if you say you go to Florida for the weather but it's really to use up those "Good Anytime Bob Evans Sausage Two-For- One Coupons." You know you're from Wainfleet if the last time you removed your baseball cap in public, a war vet had to ask you twice. ~ You know you're from Wainfleet if you have a tatoo on your left cheek which your wife has never seen. You know you're from Wainfleet if you see nothing wrong with using the fami- ly car to tow the family truck. You know you're from Wainfleet if all five AM dials on the truck radio are programmed to country and western music stations. Straight From The Hip You know you're from Wainfleet if you think Espresso is a courier service. You know you're from Wainfleet if you think it's a stroke of luck that you can also fill up your gas tank at your favor- ite restaurant. You know youre from Wainfleet if your 15 minutes of fame involved a $50 bill, the ladies on your bowling team and a Chippendale dancer. You know you're from Wainfleet if you believe k.d. lang and her "meat stinks" campaign is just a refrigeration problem. You know you're from Wainfleet if you've ever asked for Beano on your Big Mac. You know you're from Wainfleet if you think Slim Fast is Reba McIntyre's drummer. You know you're from Wainfleet if you now believe Elvis is dead because otherwise he'd have killed Michael Jackson by now. You know you're from Wainfleet if you're still hoping Don Messer is just on hiatus. You know you're from Wainfleet if you think The Lion King is a story based on the lies Elvis told his women. You know you're from Wainfleet if you see nothing wrong with putting the Hooter's Bar between the library and the church. You know you're from Wainfleet if you wrote a letter to town council estimat- ing they could buy at least a hundred Johnny-On-The-Spots for the price of the new waste disposal plant. You know you're from Wainfleet if you think the "All-Gay Picnic In The Park" has something to do with happy meals. You know you're from Wainfleet if you think private schooling is where they teach sex education. You know you're from Wainfleet if you're the 437th person to request MOONME on your vanity license plate. You know you're from Wainfleet if you think that in order to visit Niagara Falls you have to be recently married. You know you're from Wainfleet if you're dead against blind people golfing but you support them in their efforts to obtain driver's licenses. You know you're from Wainfleet if you ruined all your son's CDs with the nee- dle of your stereo turntable. You know you're from Wainfleet if you watched all the 50th anniversary shows on The Invasion Of Normandy to find out who won. You know you're from Wainfleet if you saw nothing wrong with the Marshville Heritage Festival Hundred Years Behind The Time theme even after you received your "Come As You Are" invitation. And finally you know you're from Wainfleet if you've been knocked uncon- scious twice by your own electric fence. HH gpg BL INDUSTRIES INC. We are proud to announce our recent appointment as authorized dealers for the entire line of Panasonic Copiers. Office Automation Panasonic, We also sell & service most makes of new and previously owned. ® copiers, * laser printers, * fax machines JBK INDUSTRIES INC. 178 Reach Industrial Park Rd. Port Perry, Ont. 191 1B2 (905) 985-9695 Fax: (905) 985-9706 1-800-667-8957 The Value of Friends "When my younger brother and father died, I was fortunate to have good friends who were there for me. They took time out of their busy lives to offer their support. My becoming a funeral director allowed me to give something back to them. It was a way to say 'thank you' for all they had done. Now I'm able to help others in their time of need." Dependable Service to the Community Since 1846 At Wagg Funeral Home we understand that when one of us hurts, we all hurt. We share your sorrow and heal your heart. WAGG FUNERAL HOME LTD. Me Dermott-J Panabake Chapel 985-2171 MYLES G. O'RIORDAN OwnerManager/Funeral Director Res: 985-0608 216 Queen Street Port Perry MEMS A no OF Tme