The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

"A Family Tradition for 128 Years" PORT PERRY STAR - Tuesday, Sept. 20, 1994 - 3a Straight From The Hip ... So I'm planning this surprise birthday party for my mother who on Sept. 24 will turn 8....--WHOOPS! Sorry, but I'm keeping that pro- mise never to reveal her age again in this column. Anyway, the first thing I bought her was the Birthday Times, a book- let that lists all the important and famous events that happened on the day she was born. WOW! Some of this stuff is amaz- ing. For instance, a famous guy named Moses parted the Red Sea on the same day my mother was born. I knew that. My mother speaks fondly about his Grandma. But.what I didn't know was that he really threw a scare into all his followers that day when he showed up wearing hip waders. The year's top story was the mys- terious disease that caused a plague, which killed off a whole species of animal. Brontosaurus something-or- other. Other people who share her birth- day include a guy named Cro- by William Thomas MY MOM TURNS 80-SOMETHING Magnon. And they don't specify whether it was spoked or wire-rimmed but they list the wheel as the years top invention. Under both music and art there's the notation: not yet invented. So although I'm legally bound not to reveal her exact number, you understand, my mother is getting on in age. But don't misunderstand, - she's in great health. all her recent tests came back A-One which is no small feat considering her blood type has long been discontinued. So I'm sitting here checking a few things off the preparation list for the party. Let's see, the people to invite head- ing is crossed out and replaced with the more accurate line - people she hasn't outlived yet. Okay so I'll call Mrs. Hilton, Mary Acaster, Mrs. Tougas, Little Benny Frank... WHOOPS! - he's long gone. Party games. I don't know what to suggest here. My mother used to be quite a bowler but now, well, if the truth be known, she gets a little winded doing the crossword puzzle. But hey, how many times does a birthday like this come around? (I already told you, I can't answer that). So I'll just set up the video camera, bring in a line-dance instructor and clear a path to the washroom. On the To Buy list I got party hats, snacks, Tums, and case of beer? Case of beer with a question mark? Oh yeah, that's just a reminder to find out what the other ladies will be drinking. I'm kidding of course. My mother enjoys one cold glass of beer before dinner, two at the most and then she arm wrestles a couple dock workers at the bar and the Belmont Hotel to see who pays the tab. One night, between the arm wrestling and that trick she does picking up the dime off the bar in her teeth then dropping it in her beer - we made enough to cover the chicken- in-the-basket too. Okay, so I got music -- (very loud), games -- (musical walkers), solution to biggest problem -- (name tags), and time -- (plenty of it). When I dropped a couple hints at dinner the other night, my mother who still likes to dispense a little wisdom on her favorite son, gently took me aside and ..... That was it. She just took me aside and left me standing there for a very long time. Cue cards -- I'll put that on the list for the party. There still remains the problem of a gift. Just what do you buy some- body who has everything and it's all stuffed in the hall closet? Jewelry? Slippers? A trip? Peace in Northern Ireland? ° A man would make a nice gift. A few weeks ago she met a little man in the laundry room of her apart- ment building who wanted to give her a hug. "I told him," she said, "I don't want any funny business now!" Yesterday she said to me: "That man who gave me the hug, never seen him since? Chances are, with the memory not what it used to be, she left out the word don't in the warning she gave him. He's likely moved out and into the streets. But Ill give you a big hug, Margaret. Forty-seven years togeth- er and not once has she ever sent a lawyer after me. Happy 8.....whatever birthday Marg. We love ya more than ever. PS. In fairness, my mother has never once, in all her life, lied about her age. In fact she's very candid in telling people exactly how old she was when she gave birth to me. Then she lies about my age. DEAN WATSON AUTO SALES UXBRIDGE KEN (CHRYSLER From September 20, 1994. FALL S FIVE STAR SERVICE SERVICE SPECIALS w CHRYSLER Fk KKK With Our New Alignment OH lcusTOvVIER CARE Ya¥ | ¢% CHRYSLER ALIGNMENT SPECIAL PLYMOUTH Equipment @ COOLING SYSTEM TUNE UP ~ © ENGINE TUNE UP ) ¢@& SERVICE SPECIAL OIL CHANGE ' LUBE OIL FILI'ER Service Hours: Mon. - Wed. 8:00-5:30 Thurs. 8:00-8:30 Fri. 8:00-5:00 OPEN SATURDAYS STARTING OCTOBER 1ST, 852-3313 TORONTO LINE 649-2500 69.% + Parts wow 49." + Parts 19.5 4 Cir StER Dodge From September 20, 1994. TIRE B LOWOUT SALE CUSTOMVIER CARE DEAN WATSON AUTO SALES LTD. HIGHWAY 47 SOUTH, UXBRDGE JEEP $NDODGE TRUCKS &DODGE NEAGLE a