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al "A Family Tradition for 128 Years" PORT PERRY STAR - Tuesday, Sept. 27,1994 - 9 } IT WAS DURING the Christmas break from school that Nathan began to act out, says June. "He became very belligerent and verbally abusive," she says, recalling the cycle that became apparent: She and Nathan would have a confrontation, and he would explode at her, spraying profanities and hurtful words. She would send him to his room, where, in a rage, he would smash and break whatever he could lay his hands on. June describes her feelings at that time as "just kind of hopelessness. Of not knowing what to do." "It was very hurtful," she says. "It was totally out of proportion to what was going on." Then came the day when Nathan, enraged over a confrontation with his mother, raised his fist as | if to strike her. He stopped himself; but June was dumfounded. "It was kind of scary," she says. "I wasn't physically afraid for myself, but the " concept of it was scary." She decided to call Bill and ask for his help; he wasn't receptive the first time, but when March Break rolled around and Nathan was still out of control, he took the boy into his home. "But it got worse," says June, recalling how Nathan would skip out of school, lying to his father. One night he stayed at a friend's house without calling to check in. Bill frantically searched Oshawa, looking for him, while June, here in Scugog, photocopied Missing posters to put up in the city. When she and Timmy arrived in Oshawa there was Nathan, being brought home by the police. } "I don't think he was trying to hurt," she says of the incident. "I just think he didn't think of the consequences of his actions and what they would do to others." Soon after that incident, Nathan was suspended from school for showing his friends pornographic pictures he'd picked up somewhere. His parents came to the conclusion he would be better off in a group home. That's where he is today, so angry with June he will neither take calls from her or ask her to come and visit. He's receiving the kind of counselling he needs, and June hopes that finally, someone will provide the key to unlock his troubled mind and let it all come out. "This has been extremely heart-breaking and devastating, and emotionally draining," she said. "I'm just exhausted, actually." Tov, MEANWHILE, is faring rather well. Years of speech therapy and work at home have helped him learn to speak, and he is constantly chattering. Not all the pronunciation is there, and people may have a hard time understanding some of what he says. But he's coming along. He's curious by nature, and interested in a lot of things. Like a lot of boys, he has a different career to pursue each week. "He's really smart," June says of the bespectacled little boy. "He's got a lot of deficits and learning disabilities... but he really does try." Still, he is insecure and needs a huge amount of attention. "He needs constant and ongoing reassurance that I care about him," she says. He's an ambitious boy, but June frets about how his speech deficit and social skills will affect his future. She knows at least Timmy will be his own person, as he has not proven as susceptible to peer pressure as his brother. She worries about Nathan being led along, and dreads the day when -- like many teenaged boys -- he is coerced into sampling alcohol. June is a recovering alcoholic. At 51, she has been sober for 16 years. "I have fears and worries about their future," she says. "About how they're going to turn out." Wien JUNE reviews her life with the boys, she encounters heartbreak and hope. "I guess I have a great capacity for survival," taught me a lot. "You think all you have to do is give them a loving home and lots of security and care, and it's going to be a happy ending. "But it doesn't work out that way." Paramount, of course, is her love for her boys, and a conviction that she will ensure that everything that can be done for them is. But she's also found, by reaching deep within herself for the energy and resources to carry on, that she is capable of great patience and faith. "I've become very strong in my spiritual beliefs," she says. "There have been some days I didn't think I'd survive to the next day, and I'd just pray and give it all up to my creator. "I've learned we don't live alone in this world; we're all part of a bigger family. "I really think that if I can do this, I can do anything." she says. 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