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aa am «Lr PE 4- PORT PERRY STAR - Tuesday, November 3, 1998 "Scugog's Community Newspaper of Choice" Feeling better By Jeff Mitchell Port Perry Star There is a way to feel better. It's all a matter of opening up, and let- ting it happen. That's the mes- sage that Port Perry therapist Nancy Forrester tries to put across when she speaks of working with her cli- ents... and her own life journey. She too has been "in the trenches" and, like so many of the people with whom she works, has had to make a decision to confront that which is the source of distress, and unease. And she has learned that the effort, although not an easy one to undertake and sustain, 1s ultimately worth it. Nancy Forrester didn't start out to become a therapist; she never anticipated her life evolving in that way at all. A student and teacher of math, she had established a suc- cessful career as an accountant and audi- tor. She was a professor at Durham College, and taught at Trent University in Peterborough. She was "an A to B per- son"; analytical, sober and confident, with a clear idea of her goals, and a self-image based almost entirely on professional pursuits and accomplishments. It was in 1990 that that tough veneer was breached. After more than a decade of trying to con- ceive, she and her husband became parents of a son. For the first time, Ms Forrester was open and vulnerable. "When I had him, he just cracked my heart wide open," she said. "I couldn't care if I never balanced another cheque book in my life." At the same time joy was entering her life, howev- er, grief loomed: Soon after her son's birth Ms Forrester's beloved aunt Mary was diagnosed with liver cancer, and given just a short time to live. The old lady vowed to live until Ms Forrester's son had his first birthday, which was celebrated with Mary in Cambridge. The next day, she died. The trauma and the diagnosis and the death were a stunning blow to Ms Forrester, who, at 37, was con- fronted with more emotions than she had ever before &, confronted. "Me being me, [ didn't deal with that," she said. "Having emotions, having feel- ings, wasn't part of what I did." She remembers clearly her last moments with her aunt, and her inability to find a way in which to say goodbye: "It wasn't in my repertoire." Soon, however, she was back at work, attempting to resume an ordered life and suppress all the emotion of the past year. The attempt was unsuccessful: Ms Forrester became susceptible to paralyzing anxiety attacks, and soon found herself incapable of carrying on. Little by little, she withdrew. Then came the "wilderness years". The symptoms of illness were profound, but doc- tors could find no physical cause for Ms forrester's dis- ability. Only she knew the source of her inability to function, but could not bring herself to confront it by putting it into words. "The difficulty was that I became afraid of the fear," she said, remembering the hospitalizations, Therapist uses her ~ personal experiences to help others CAT scans and other procedures that were carried out as doctors searched for some nameable source of her distress. "I think I also thought it was a physical problem." Finally, one doctor suggested she see a psychiatrist. "It was like this wave of shame came over me," said Ms Forrester. "I thought, 'I couldn't do that -- I'm supposed to be perfect." So she withdrew and, day by day, endured. Some days hope- lessness was overwhelming. "For two years was what | call my wilderness time," said Ms Forrester. "I was really in the trenches." Were it not for her decision to try therapy and other methods of treatment, she says, the end may have been different. But through her participation in individual and group sessions, as well as physical treatments aimed at stress-related symptoms, Ms Forrester began to see reasons for hope, and feel like trying. But it was a long process, and never an easy one. No one desires to confront deep-seated anxieties and fears. But it is a necessary part of healing, and gaining the self-knowledge necessary to be a complete and well-balanced person, she said. "Ihave a couple of graduate degrees," she said. "I have an MBA. I would say on the scale of difficul- ty, the MBA would be a 1, and this process of growth would be 100." The effect of therapy on her life was so profound that Ms Forrester chose to pursue the career she is now involved in. It has been a successful transition: since moving her practice from Toronto to Port Perry she has steadily welcomed new clients, although she has not advertised. And she will be featured soon in a documentary on the Womens' Television Network, which details her journey from there to here. Ms Forrester, who works with both individuals and couples, derives great satisfaction from her practice, and finds her own exercise of self-discovery continuing as a result of her work. "Therapy is an inner exploration of who am I in this world, and what am I here to do?" she said. "The big first step for anybody is to take responsibility for their own life. "This job of mine is really an incredible honour," she said. "This uses all of me. My mandate is to help people really reconnect with body, mind and spirit." Photo - Nancy Forrester relaxing at her home with her faithful companion sth i a is Gh