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4 - PORT PERRY STAR - Tuesday, April 20, 1999 "Scugog's Community. Newspaper of Choice" of a loved one differently By Heather McCrae Port Perry Star When someone close to us dies we all grieve, but not in the same manner. Grieving is a profound experience that is different for everyone. Even the way in which the person died generates a different mixture of feelings. Understanding Our Losses was the title of a semi- nar put on recently at the Wagg Funeral Home by John K. Saynor, Program Co-ordinator of Genesis Bereavement Resource Centres. Mr. Saynor was 14 years old when his father died at age 40. With the help of a funeral director he helped his mother with the arrangements. Later, after being a funeral director for 25 years, he discovered there was a real need in the community to work with people after the funeral was all over. Because death brings about a lot of questions con- cerning an afterlife, Mr. Saynor pursued ordination in the Anglican Church. He has since been given per- mission by his church to conduct a specialized min- istry to bereaved people. Many feelings are experienced when we mourn the loss of a loved one. Loneliness, anger, confusion, sui- cide, depression, fears, hopelessness and exhaustion can all collide. Depending on how the person died, we might also feel relief a loved one is now out of his or her misery, or that demanding work as a caregiver is over. Most people, before they die, learn their time on earth is limited. Anticipating the death of someone you love is one of the most painful experiences in life. The days will seem endless. You will run out of ener- gy, 'patience and, perhaps, hope Mr. Saynor said. And when it's a sudden death, such as occurs in the case of a heart attack, car accident, murder or suicide, the shock is so intense that it complicates the grieving process afterward. Sudden death can cause a lot of guilt and anger on the family. "For example, if the person that dies left the house in a huff that morning, his sudden death puts a lot of guilt on the family," said Mr. Saynor. : Anger can be another reaction to death. If a hus- band dies suddenly and his wife didn't suggest he go to the doctor because she knew he wouldn't go any- way, she may be angry with herself for not saying any- thing, and irate at her husband for being reluctant to see a doctor. : re Griev Everyone deals with the loss "When we have things like this to deal with after the person has died it makes our grieving more | difficult," said the speaker. Mr. Saynor also said it's important to "bring children on board at the time of the death of a grandparent." Often mourning people will ask Mr. Saynor how they can get over grief in a hurry: "For instance, a 14-year old daughter of a cou- | ple jumped in front of J a train. In the second or third counseling visit the father said he was hoping 1 would be able to tell = them how to get over this (death) in a hurry." But there is no way to get over a death in a hurry, said Mr. Saynor. It takes time, ©" and every death generates a dif- ferent mixture of feel- ings. "That's why grieving is a unique experience; it's a different experience for everyone." People can go through life and never experience profound emotions such as loneliness or -anger until they are triggered by a death, said Mr. Saynor. "They get angry at the doctors and are bitter that the deceased person left them in a mess," he said. "Some people become angry at God. These can be people who have felt very strong in their faith all their life and, yet, under the circumstances of the death, they are now angry with God. Now they have anoth- er loss, and that is their faith. They're in a spiral of grief." : cL Age is a factor, too. Sometimes, the older we are, the more difficult it is to get on with life. Often it takes up to three months for the reality of the death to sink in," said Mr. Saynor. "And be sure to get plenty of rest, eat proper meals and try to get some exercise. Exercise fights depres- sion," he said. Grief affects us spiritually, emotionally, physically, socially and mentally: "It's no wonder we're a mess when we grieve," Mr. Saynor said. "Grief assaults us as an entire person." It's also helpful to have someone to talk to, such as a minister, doctor, or a good friend, or to share in group therapy, he said. At the Wagg Funeral Home the Genesis Bereavement Resource Centre, established by Mr. Saynor, is a lending library of different books and videos relating to death, dying, grief and bereave- ment. It is'open to the public seven days a week dur- ing regular business hours. Info night examines apprenticeships Apprenticeship Program (0.Y.A.P.). Eastdale C.V.1. will hold an appren- ticeship information session for stu- dents, parents and teachers of the Durham District School Board on Wednesday, April 21 from 7 to 8:30 p.m. at Eastdale C.V.I., 265 Harmony Road North, narth of King Street East (Hwy. 2) at Adelaide Avenue East in Oshawa. \ The session will feature informa- tion about the apprenticeship system in Ontario, the reform process cur- rently under way and the Ontario Youth Apprenticeship Program. Apprenticeship will be presented as a realistic and rewarding alternative for those students who do not wish to attend university after attaining their Ontario Secondary School Diploma. very secondary school in the Durham District School Board can offer the Ontario Youth The program brings together séc- ondary schools and Durham College with local employers in the skilled trades who need trained, motivated, highly technical workers. Employers are looking for sec- ondary school students who are tak- ing general or advanced level mathe- matics and science courses, are mechanically inclined, have good problem solving abilities and deal well with people. Apprenticeship is an agreement between these types of students, who . want to learn a skill, and employers who need skilled workers. It is a proven way to learn and has a long history of success. The apprenticeship information session on April 21 will allow stu- dents, parents and teachers to direct questions about education, training and future jobs to skilled trades peo- ple who work in Durham Region. They'll be ringing in the millennium in Blackstock Big plans are being made for the Year 2000 New Year's Eve celebration at the Blackstock Recreation Centre. There will be two celebrations. The first will be for the young people, their families and the young at heart out on the ice surface. Games, draws and lots of music will be the order of the day followed by fireworks. Costs to the event will be minimal, and New Years will be celebrated at 9 p.m. so that it won't be too late a night + for them. Be prepared for an early start for this party at 7 p.m. If you have never tried eating a "Grid Iron 2000" and you love chocolate, you have lots to look forward to. There will be a draw for 2000 pennies and some great keepsakes for everybody. For the bigger folk there is a great evening planned that will include a hot and cold buffet, a sparkling bever- age, draws and lots of noise makers. The best beard in the township will be judged that night and wear your period costumes. Getting your picture taken to help you reminisce will be another great part of the evening. Tickets will go on sale in September. The Millennium Torch will be run around the perimeter of Old Cartwright Township by various residents and various means including snowmobiles. There are lots of plans still under- way. If you have any ideas call Joan Graham at 986-4856, Aileen Van Camp at 986-4948 or Fred Ford at 986-0352.