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'•̂ .fe y ,JZJ^.tsL!LJ&tibL2!!2^JL-: * t «*» -»•»**• .>».* •?>*•. ,. V/ . VBK OLI) MAN AND THE FAST MAIL. Tltu^t roan. 3 am tired and tw»ry, Mri IU borrow Tour^air for awhile, S» sit by your office window, where the golden sun- 1 WauiB Mtnil>', , ||r I've trav«led won- miles since .morning, al­ though I am old and «ray, _ l« see Unuie Sam's pet hobby, the fast white mau, >/Vi\ to-day. Bow Time-kf cjw ringing his changes! it ain't many years ago, . , ' . _ Mscc I travels d this same road, youngster, in a stat;e-w>ach, old and iJow. Xbero w-sn't a sign of a railroad, nor a telegraph i*d tte'carthlSy wleep in a mantis atraowflako*, pure wliife. ' & little log cabin yonder, peejwd out at the edge of ; the wood. , > tjje nut-brown face of a maiden from under a puow-wliitf! hood, JiKi th<-re « c unhitched our horse*, in twilight cold atid uray, "t#"fsi ill is-brosa Jag cabin till the dawn of an- ;v,>.v other day. " I cuius bore again the next summer, trtxcai the (>% meadows' with grass wt re green, iffhin tlio b.rds in the oaks were, suigia', and the flsli were at p!ay in the stream. I built, in a little clearing, way yonder over the ; hill, v#inbi& of log« and brushwood, and, stranger, I live ' there still. &(t th* cabin o' lojrs has vanished, and there stands t. • in its place to-day t iwianrion of brick and granite, while over acroes . i - the wuy . ' My lad has built him a cottage, a cottage ho oslls his own. . tfcat di**-lints the big brick mansionwhere the da man isn't at house,, Star old dogs don't learn new habits, and an old ; V . man's hard to please, , easy to rest iroiu labor wh<en one isn't used t*1 don"t^now as I'd be wfllin' to toll In the jBelds ' -• 7 : a^ai:if • X workm' for paper dollars andkillin' both heart aad brain. OBce a week we got our mails then; folks wasn't a h»irrv to go, fflh< y didn't think that the stage-coach was lum- _ * beiic'. Old, and slow, jtgul you coulun't have made us believe It, If yon d * argued an hour or more, - iCkey'it be carry iug mails by stem power, and throwin' 'em off at the door. Now cars run over their rosdways with the speed of a gust of wind, They've left the lunibcrin' stage-coach and the old- fashioned ways IK hind, •And they teil me, to lands far westward, where the eagle has left his trail, tjnelc Haiu is scsdin' Vm letters by way of a faet white mail, ! So I've driven from home sinoe morning, although I am old and gray, to pee Uncle Sam's pet hobby, the fast white mail, to-day; FW in twenty-six hours, I've heard it, and it beats an old man like me, They've the ocean mail a readin' by "the .(jjneen o' the inland sea." Well, times is cbangin' surely, one is never too old to learn, Though there may be fla*s in the marble that my old eyes can't discern; Tet I'm tired of the Deae:in's croakin', and I wish he'd " give u» a rest;" God's runniii' the wend, 1 reckon, and He doeth what aetms the best. Now 111 move my chair here, youngster, aad sit where the bright son smiles, Till I luar ou th„' curve, down yonder, the whistle o' --Id John Miles, For they tell me he'f> runnin' an engine on the fast white mail to-day, And he runs like a wild young fellow, if his hair is turnin' Rray. • • . The old xaan sat by the window till he saw o'er the curve below The smoke from the engine rising like the wings of a gr-. ct black crow; p Then he erupt with a gait unsteady across the office floor, And stood like a statue watching tho train from the open door. came like a great white arrow tipped with a barb o' steel, Bpnrmug the road beneath it with the touch of its iroii-«liod heel. Catching the mail while passing with a demon's out­ stretched hand, . * To be scattered in showers Of blessing afar o'er the peaceful land . ^ ,, MQcfi, with his hand on the lever, looked out as he pulsed the door, Loeked out at the sunbeams stealing downtowaid the lake's green shore, Thenpuiled the throttle wide open, aad seemed with his air to say, "Uncle Saw. 1 have run like lightning With your last white mail to-day." The old man looked in wonder, as ttyjgr eanght the mail below, "Aye! time is last, he muttered, "for that idea aiu'tblow." And then, as away they ranished, with a flarh like a cometv tail, lie said, " Old Time, you're cuchred by -steam and tne fast wlute mail." inopportune occaaions, somehow had oil the luck in calling me when I was most unwilling to be called, because I hat? nothing worth showing. On this night I speak of, Lapp's luck was perfectly astounding, and he won from everybody. Mr. Rollins was in a bad humor, and I, filled with the insane desire to get back my earnings. Lapp, I need not say, never lost his composure, nor ever showed more life, more lire, than you will Qua in an oyster or a cucumber. He dealt the cards with his usual clumsy composure, and looked after the antes and chips with the assiduity of a nurse minding infants by the margin of a duck pond. " Gentlemen," he said, "as I em winning this evening, I think I can afford' to stand treat" So he kicked up Capt. Fristow's nigger, asleep^ on the floor, and sent him over to the hotel to get us a couple of bottles of wine. When it come, 1 held a pair of knaves on the deal. 1 drew three cards, and found myself in possession of another jack and two ace?--a delightfully full hand. It took me $2 to come in, and, as I was just then without chips, I borrowed from Friatow, who was slumbering again. Mr. Rollins passed out, and Mr. Lapp immediately saw the pile on the table and bet $10. I saw hia $10, and went him $25 better. "See here," said he, in his impertinent way, "I'm your fr?end. I don't want to win your money •--I've got a good hand, and, if you'il just call me, it's all right--I'll show it!" " Mr. Lapp !" I shouted, "you are a beggarly scoundrel, unlit to play cards with gentlemen! Do you see my cards, or do you surrender?" "No, I don't see it!" he sneered. " How can 1 see it when it is not put upon the table ? Put up your money and 111 talk to you." "You know that my word is good for it," said I. "If you win from me you shall have the money to-morrow after breakfast." " Rip Slam," said the mean- spirited cuss, "let's talk business. I know you have no money to lose, and you know I know it. Stop, now--yon- der's a file of your paper from the start. I want it. I know vou have another file on deposit in the Express Company's fire-proof safe. 1*11 give you $100 for the tile--here's the money--but if you'll take my advice you'll not bet against my it'll win !" I sold him the file hand, for and made my bet good. He eaw my bet Obd raised it just enough to take all my money--price of the Reveille file--minus the cost of a cocktail or so in the morn­ ing, and then, preliminaries settled, he showed me his hand--four queens, by jingo! every one simpering at me, and cutting sheep's eyes at the ace in the corner. Lapp rose. "Gentlemen," said he, "day is not very far off, and there's nothing more to drink here. My brother Slain goes to press in the morning and has copy to prepare; I will therefore take my leave and my file of the Rev­ eille." And so, with a diabolical grin, he departed, nis boy took Capt. Fria­ tow off to bed, and when the Reveille foreman came to go to work in the morn­ ing I rose, escorted Mr. Rollins to my humble couch, covered him with the buffalo robe, and, after giving the fore­ man an order to go down to the express office for my file there locked up, and to fix up an editorial for the paper, I went off to breakfast. At the breakfast table I found my de­ lightful old friend, Col. Debonair, and a Mr.. Choppy an English traveler, to whom the Colonel introduced me. Af­ ter breakfast we adjourned to the Col­ onel's room, and, by sending for James Addison, Esq., were able to make up one of the most charming whist parties I ever took a hand with. A t 1 o'clock p. m., with honors easy and Addison sure of two by cards to make up the game --our seventh successive rubber won-- i and seven empty bottles under the table, | we were startled by the cry of "Fire!" j I nprang to the window, only to see the olfiC ' and building of the Reveille in a •^^jHoright blaze, and Rube Rollins spring­ ing from the second-story window, minus hus Lair aud lap-robe beard. The gteat fire at Baker's Gulch had begun I Two days latefy when the fire was ex­ tinguished, but while the ruins still smoked, I first heard the rumor that it wa.8 I, Rupert Slam, who had caused this disastrous and overwhelming confia- gration. I horsewhipped several per BIT SLAM'S MISFORTUNES. . "Who Kindled the Great Fire at Baker's Gttlch? My name is Slam--Rupert Slam, but out our way tiie boys, with auutural turn td be vulgar, call mo Rip Slim. 1 am a Virginian by birth, a printer by educa­ tion, an editor by d stiny, and I conduct ! sons, but still the rumor spread, and I the Baker's Gulch Reveille, m comiec- j was tuo busy in re-establishing the office turn with which I have Jateiy earned t anjl restoring the edition of tbe Reveille ' to take more summary means to check it, or to trace it to its source. But on the Saturday week succeeding the fire tids infernal Lapp, in tbe issue of his Mountain Dawn, came out with an ed­ itorial, double-leaded, upon the subject ©f "Who is the Author of the Late Conflagration?" In that atrocious article he says: I fcllow-citizene, we aeK you to consider wlierti tiiiB tire originated ; to reflect what was the debauched and desperate condition of the proprietor of that cstablialimeut at the titae. We happen to be the owu< rn of a file of that creatue « miserable Hhcet. and, in an article HO long aL'O au last l)ecember twelve mouthb, some undeserved notoriety, having been "compelled to ehoot Mr. Lapp,,, the rival alitorjat Bake/s Gulch, who had charge of a villainous compound of libel and false pretenses, styled the Mountain Dawn. Lapp is dead, aud it is true 1 shot liim, but that the deed could have been avoided I deny, and I equaLSy deny that it was a culpable deed in itself. On tbe contrary, I shall assert, to my dying day, that it was a deed done in behalf of good morals, and this assertion I will maintain with any arms the controverting party may choose to select. The Baker's Gulch Reveille is pub- _ . lisheU every Wednesday: the Mountain I tbe following : " Baker's Gulch is a blot •Dawn comes out every Saturday. i flMLa,,bti/?nm^Pou1^e ,!,ir IT ot "atur?f" thiin 1 i Ii i ^ j »l on th« tl.robbmg bosom of humanity. Ba- v. t l'iciTthe week and the patronage | kern Gulch muBt bum again, iu order to be re­ formed. .Nothing but a complete Baphometic Fire-Liajitinm will Hutlico to pu/ge away the bideoud iniquities of Maker's Gulch." As soon as I saw this copy of the Daicn, I took a friend with me and pro­ ceeded to Lapp's office. I explained my mission. f " Mr. Slam," he replied, " I have a mission also, and that is to find out and publish the author of this conflagration which has ruiued this whole community. I give you name and date for the article. Prove that you never wrote it." " How can I prove it except by asserting ? You had one of my files ; the other was burnt in the tire. Produce the file and show me ttie article. If you can do that I will acknowledge that 1 burned Baker's Gulch." " I cannot do that, Mr. Slam," between us, and I wus content to have it so; but Lapp was not. He wanted all tlie subscribers and all the adverti«e-„ meats, and he wanteu also to be Clerk 61 tbe County Court. Tne result was that, - - --controversy npon th« most honorable, high toned principles. It iB not impugning the ..memory of the deceased to say that Air. Lapp conducted his part of th« rivalry like a fish huckster. ; I wus audam a bachelor. I boarded asr^At the Hotel, but I slept over the office of it|H the Reveille, win-re a smalt iron bed- >*v. Mead, a buliulo robe, some chairs, a hpit- jtoon, aud the uies of the Reveille itoui- r',f my small iurrduuv. The night, Vs f wkicU ^sumed ! for, as you know quite well, my file of '*• r er t 1 "j48 11 fJ.°k-er Party 1 tiie Reveille, as well as yours, was bumed t my apartment aforesaid. A l>ar- i,» ' n tioned, admitted that he fltafilt ketosene very strongly at the moment of his es­ cape. Myi foreman told me that Lapp had visited the room after I left for breakfast, under pretense of searching for a shirt-stud of his, lost between the puncheons of the floor. Lapp, then, was there, and he is not too good to make a bonfire of a whole city in order to accomplish his ends and destroy his enemy. In the vary next issue of his paper he published another double- leaded article, entitled, "Rupert Slam's Editorials, continued." In t.hi» mur­ derous libel he quoted me as saying : " Unless the mean scalawags and mud­ sills of Baker's Gulch are willing to come forward at once and give this paper (the Reveille) the support and patronage it deserves, let them prepare for tears-- VOIUTS tuat WIN SCALU t!i6Iu to tu6 <LJ liick. Let them insure, for tbe fire-bug is amongst them, and his operations will be guided by deliberate hands." For this article I challenged Mr. Lapp. He refused to fight, and came out with another pretended editorial of mine, in which the respected community of Baker's Gulch was abominably libeled. For this article I horsewhipped Mr. Lapp. The next issue of tho Mountain Daum contained an article in which, among other atrocities, I was represented as having editorially said : " Nothing but a vigorous and persistent Ku-Klux can restore this community to its normal health. The rope, the whip and the tordh are needed to save Baker's Gulch from dying of its own corruptions." For this article I kicked Mr. Lapp the entire length of Mam street, and tossed him into Capt. Fristow's toilrace. A day or two later, by a piece of good fortune, a mountaineer came into town, and to my office, with two bales of paper strapped over the back of a mule. " See here, mister," said he, "that there Lapp's a low-down cuss ; he's been tell­ ing lies on you." I examined his parcel, and, to my surprise and joy, found a complete edition of the Reveille, from the first number down. "What will you charge me for these ? I must have them at any price." "Not a nickel, stranger,* said the true-hearted fellow ; I go in for fair play, so I want to see you tackle that there Lapp and give the low cuss particular fits. He deserves it." But .the very next number of the Mountain Dawn contained the follow­ ing : " We are credibly informed that Slam, in order to befog public opinion, has sent across the mountains and had a whple spurious edition of his incendiary sheet published, with the objectionable articles carefully elimina'ed. But it wou't work, Brother Slam. We have the evidence against you ! Fellow-citi­ zens, read the following from Slam's issue of Aug. 29, 18--And he went on for half a column with a string.of the most iniquitous lies ever invented for man by the father of lies himself. I fcniid myself eiicGuXitonug so many cold and dark looks about this time that I thought it proper to consult my friends, and they advised me to challenge Lapp to meet me at a town meeting. The meeting was called, and all the manhood and intellect of Baker's Gulch assembled there. I appeared with my files, and Lapp was present with his damnable volume ol calumnious forgery. Tiie mountaineer was also present in the au­ dience, but, though I did not know it then, he was drunk, suborned and sod- dened with the enemy's own whisky. " I made my statement iu extenso, and I am convinced that my frank and genuine eloquence made a powerful impression upon the Baker's Gulchers. But when I called on that mountaineer to corrobo­ rate me, he rose, with an abominable drunken leer, and said : " It's all ad--d lie! Yon hired me to fetch that bundle of papers over from Mushmillionville, an' I done it J" In the midst of the en­ suing murmurs, Lapp rose and cried out: "I move you the following,^fellow- citizens: • '•WHEREAS, Rnpert Slam has been proven an enemy to this community, dangerous to its pc-ace and dignity, an incendiary and a lire-bug; t!i erefcre, be it " Resolved, That the said Rupert Slam be allowed thirty-six hourw for himnclf and ure«8 to ren ove permanently from Baker's Gulch and vicinity." The resolution and preamble were car­ ried unanimously. After the meeting I went once more to see Lapp, and told him that I would surely kill him unless he1 retracted all his lies about me. His sole answer was to read me part of an unfinished editorial of his for the next Mountain Dawn, in which it was recommended to double- lock all buildings and appoint a patrol for every street, "until the convicted firo-bug ." " Are you determined to publish that, Lapp?" asked I. He grinned in his offensive way and went on writing. " If you don't defend your­ self I'Ji kill you as you sit," said I, draw­ ing. " I am defending myself," he an­ swered, pointing his pen at me. I fired; the ruffian fell; I walked out of th6 office, and here I am. * * * • * I am told that Lapp, after I left the office, rose, wiped the blood from his forehead and eyes, sat' at his desk and wrote as follows : " We are not able to finish this article to-day. The fire-bug has visited our office and justified his name by firing upon us with his usual "success." He then yielded himself up to the surgeon's hands and died in two hours, perfectly conscious'to th6 last, but absolutely declining to proclaim my innocence.--New York World. ,i . •• . A New Year'a Cirtl. Si and Jake met at the Atlanta cotton compress yesterday : " Si, is you gwine ter make some New Year's calls Saturday ?" " I dunno ; 'spects maybe I will," said Si, in his drawling way, " Whar you think 'bout callin' at ?" "Well, dat isn't 'cided 'pon yit, but (I'm purty surtin to call on you for dat ! dollar what you bin owin' me for thq las But, in this ' ,?party and seven? or eight spectators, juost of whom would have liked t* > play, ' , but were prevented by impt ouniosity. Of 'he players, I only remember Capt. Fristow, ot our stamping mill; Rube iRiillins, Mr. Lapp, and my self. We were flaying a rather lively of the ?; 2i)-cent ante species, with a good deal of blinding and straddling. Lapp, who •, had a propensity to hold good hands on &.?.:• page or two of its infamous contents, stood a moment actually appalled at such devilish machination as 1 saw there revealed, and then said : " Publish an­ other word of these lies at your peril, Mr. Lapp!" • It was charged that I had saturated my bed-room with kerosene and put a slow match to it. Rube Rollins, whom I left asleep on my bed, when ques- "Yas," said Si, "an' I'm thinlin' dat's "bor.t what III hab to do wid jdat debt yit!" i Then Jake'got mad and didut inrite Si to call at his house on New Year's Day.--Atlanta Constitution. j THE shipping built in Maine, the past year, foots up 75,0(10 tons, against 122,549 last year, a decrease of 4?,4$8. Married by Telegraph. We have enjoyed the sensation of marriages at sea, marriages on steam­ boats, marriages by proxy, balloon wed­ dings, and exposition marriages, but we have not heard, until this afternoon, of a matrimonial alliance by lightning, over the wires of the Western Union Telegraph Company. Mr. G. Scott Jeffreys, an operator of ttie Western Union, located* at Waynesburg, Pa., and Mrs. Lida Culler, an operator, sta­ tioned at Brownsville, having agreed to take each other "for better or for worse," they conceived the novel idea of having the ceremony performed by telegraph. Col. C. O. Rowe, the Su­ perintendent of this division, entered heartily into the arrangement. Tho parties took a position in the operating room at .Brownsville, with three or four witnesses, including the operator. In the office at Waynesburg, Mr. G. A. Story, the operator, and his family were stationed, with the mother and sister of the groom, four or five other friends, and Mr. Scott, the officiating clergyman: To prevent interruption, Col. Rowe issued the following order to all the offices in.his division: "All bumness must be suspended on this circuit five minutes before 2 o'clock p. m. to-day, and kept closed until after the marriage ceremony by telegraph, which takes place lat 2 o'clock." At the very moment appointed, the tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, announced that the ceremony had been commenced. The operators gathered about, and listened to the in­ strument as it told the following story: [Brownnville to Wuynesburg.] Tell the Rev. Mr. Scott we are ready now. [Waynesburg to Brownsville.] To G. Scott Jeffreys and lida Culler, Browns­ ville, Pa.: Marriage is an ordinance of G*>d, for the wel­ fare and liappiuees of the human family, insti­ tuted at the creation and union of the first pair, by which He ordained tiie union of one man with one woman in bonds of pore and holy wedlock for life. The parties to be united at this time please to join hands. (Signed) J. W. SOOTT, Minister of the Gospel. [Brownsville to Wayncaburtr.l It is done. [Waynesburg to Brownsville.] Do you, George Scott Jeffreys ana Lida Cul­ ler. who hold each other by the hand, take each other as lawful and wedded companions for life; and do you solemnly promise, before God and the witnesses present, that you will live to­ gether, and be to each other faithful, loving and true, as husband and wife, till God shah separate you by death ? (Signed) J. W. SCOTT, Minuter of the Gospel. [Brownsville to Waynesburg.] "We do." (Signed) GBOBOB SCOTT JEFFREYS. "We do." (Signed) LCDA CULLEB. [Wayneeburt? to BrownBvillo.] In the name and by the authority of God, I Erenounce vou husband and wife. Whom God ath joined together let no mau put asunder. And may God the Father. Son. and Holy Ghost blesa the union and yourselves, individually and personally, now and forever. Amenv (Signed) J. W. SCOTT, Minister of the GospeL [Brownsville to W»yne&burg.f - "Thank you." JEFFREYS. This concluded the ceremony proper, and for some time afterward the wires were loaded with congratulations t6 the newly-married couple. A New Year's Diary. A large number of, the young men of Detroit will to-day purchase diaries for 1876, and to-morrow they will take up their pencils with a firm determination to keep track of every day in the year. Every yoimg man should keep a diary. When he is old and gray his grandchil­ dren will fish it out of the rag bag and find it more valuable than gold or silver. There is no set style of jotting down thoughts and events, but perhaps it may be well to give the record of 1875 as taken from the pocket diary of an average young man: "January 1--Went to see my girl. Shall leave off swearing, drinking, eu­ chre, smoking, chewing, being out nights, betting, going to the opera, and Bhall try to save ^10,000 this year." "January 7--Went to see my girl. Lost a box of cigars somewhere." "February 1--Won $25 betting on a dog fight. That's the way to scoop 'em. Am trying to get along on fifteen cigars per day. Went to seo my girl. She says I shouldn't swear." "April 20--Vent to see my girl. Nothing new." "July 4--This is the glorious Fourth." "September 1--Went to see my girl." "November 11--Glorious weather. Went to see my girl." " December 1--This is the 1st of De­ cember." " December 25^-This is Christmas." "December 31-^This is the last day of the year. I rnu&t commence to-mor­ row to save money and break off my bad habits. Went to see my girl last night, and made her happy by telling her that I was going to save $10,000 next year." --Detroit Free Press. A Great Oversight. The lawyer who drew up the " pro­ visions" printed on the back of accident insurance cards thought he had pro­ vided for every possible contingency, but he was a short-sighted mortal. He should have adopted several other pro­ visions, as follows : 4. Provided that the insured is not on his way to a prize fight or a horse race, or anywhere else. 5. Provided that his wife wasn't down to the depot to see him off. 6. Provided that he has never wrenched himself sawing wood, nor Crippled any of his limbs crawling into the pantry window after midnight. 7. Provided, that he does not occupy a seat with a man who has a can of nitro­ glycerine in his coat-tail pocket. 8. Provided, that the accident didn't happen in time of war, peace, daylight, daruness, or from any good or bad 9. Provided, that the injury is plainly visible, is on his ear, or his thumb, and was received in the regular manner laid down for accidents to happen. 10. Provided, that it didn't happen from any break-down, smash-up, collis­ ion, or any other accident. 11. Provided, that he can get his cash. -^•Detroit Free Press. The Dyuamite Fiend. A trace of one ot Thomassen's diaboli­ cal plots to blow up steamers id belieVed to have been found on the Celtic, the theory beingjthat a box brought there by that vessel only failed of being filled with dynamite anil clockwork, instead of bags of shot, because "W. K. Thomas, " who shipped it, could not insure it as $3,000 in specie. Perhaps the most re­ markable circumstance iu this whole af­ fair is the view taken by German lawyers, that if Thomassen had survived his at­ tempt at suicide he could only have been lightlv punished under existing laws, though he caused the deatli JQX J-^3 persons.--York Tribune. **^ 4 A Sad Warning. He came in shaking with suppressed laughter, which fairly oozed out of his eyes, and the corners of his mouth. Drawing a chair beei^e that occupied by the editor, he coughed affably in his face, and drawing some manuscript from hi®: poeket said, " I've been getting some­ thing good for you--something bully-- and yet it's so simple that it is a wonder that nobody else has thought of it. It'll be a clean scoop in every paper in Amer­ ica. (Here the editor took up a heavy lignum-vitse ruler that was lying on the rjoalr Jjnfnvn Vllfli IlOftd with it reflectively.) " You know they've elected Michael C. Kerr Speaker?" The editor answered that he did. "Well," said his visitor, speaking very rapidly," " here is a lot of jokes about his name-- ' Mr. Speaker' and--" The heavy ruler descended on his head with a fearful crash, and the visitor tumbled on the floor. The editor felt his pulse and leaned his ear against his heart, then, with a smile of satisfaction, lifted his1 pockets and rang the bell. When the porter appeared, he said calmly, " Jim, put him in a barrel and take him to the Rush Medical College, with the Tribune's compliments. You can keep his clothes for yourself." Then he resumed his work--an editorial on the brutalities of body-snatching.--Chicago Tribune, Lively Spooks. Scarboro, Maine, is strong in the faith that she has a haunted house. Ten years ago it was owned by an Irishman, who died and was buried upon the place. The farm was sold to pay unjust de­ mands, and lost spring a Mr. Johnson and family moved in. They say that every night while they remained they were tormented with mysterious sights and sounds. Sometimes crossed hands upon the wall, surrounded by a circle of hght, would appear. Then doors begin to open and shut and latches rattle. There are sounds like water boiling over upon tne stove, aDd then whisperings in different parts of the house. The stove shook and the stove covers rattled, and the figure of a person of full size, dressed in white, in full sight, and without eyes or nose, traveled about the room. Some nights it appeared just as soon as the family retired, and they would get up and sit up all night. Shot Her Sister. Mrs. Mary White, aged 23 years, met with a sad fate at Nebraska City on Christmas Day. She was at her home with a little sister 10 years of age, and a playmate. While the lady was in the front room attending to household du­ ties, and without a knowledge of what the children were doing, the little girl got hold" of an old pistol which had been loaded for some months, and, rushing into the room, exclaimed, " Look out, Mary, I'm going to shoot!" at the same time pointing the weapon in the direction of her sister. Instantly the weapon was discharged, and Mrs. White fell to the floor with the nearly inaudible exclamation, "Eda, yoii've shot me!" The ball penetrated the right cheek, ranged slightly upward, and passed out at ttie back of the head, pro- 'ducing almost instant death. Washing Dishes. It seems that all housekeepers are wrong in using soap to wash dishes. The right way to do is to have your water quite hot and add a very little milk to it. This softens the water, gives the dishes a fine gloss, and pre­ serves the hands ; it removes the grease --even that from^eef, and yet no grease is ever [floating on the water, as when soap is used. The stone vessels should be set on the stove with a little water in them, when the victuals are taken from them; thus they'are hot when one is ready to wash them, and the grease is very easily removed. Tinware keeps bright longer cleaned in this way thao Ijy using soap or by scouring. The habit so many ^ of us have acquired of scouring tins is a wasteful policy ; the present style of tinware will not bear it. The tin is soon scrubbed away, and a vessel that is fit for nothing is left on our hauds. What It Takes to Bun-a Sheep- Ranche in Texas. All that is needed to start a sheep- ranche is two jackasses, two Mexican boys, one Mexican man, one sack of fri- joles (Mexican beans), some coffee and a few extras, 1,500 ewes and twenty to thirty bucks, and a gun to kill game. The Mexican ewes, if bought in August, will cost $1.50 to $1.65. A Mexican boy will cost $8 to $10 a month, and the man about $20 a month ; jackasses $25 each; the frijoles three cents a pound--alto­ gether for the first year about $3,500. The ewes will yield from 2j to 2| pounds of wool, which will'bring about 24 cents per pound, and then como the lambs, which will double the herd if properly taken care of. A man then has from his investment of $3,500, 3,000 sheep, and upward of $900 from the sale .of the wool.--Pleasanton {Tex.) Stock Jour­ nal. ' THERE is a church in Japan which has only twenty male members, and thirteen of these are local preachers who preach at a number of neighborhood stations during the week days. All these preach­ ers work at their own expense, and the church accepts no new members except those who pledge themselves to work on this plan. Hence the exceeding paucity of the membership. In this country Ihere are churches whose members are numbered by the hundreds, and a few who count by thousands, where most of the people whose names adorn the roll are religious dead-heads; who do no work, and do not even always report when the hat is passed round. THE printers of tho Philadelphia In­ quirer set (not sat) up " The Night Be­ fore Christmas " twenty-seven years ago and the poem has been kept standing ever since, and was printed in that paper from the original types first used in 1848. Clement C. Moore is a favorite poet in the Inquirer office, aud that paper prom­ ises to hand him down in this manner to tho latest posterity. Db. HoiiXi\ND thinks the cure for gos­ sip is culture. He says good-natured people talk about their neighbors only because they have nothing else to talk about. '-i f - „ Sfl" gJJKIGIIING. The aleigh drew up before the door, A- The horees tramped the enow, k, 1 Her eyes with fnn were brimming Xj She didn't want to go (?); Her little foot the runner pressed, s< I ttw her dimpled chin, Her little hand .uy own hand • And then--1 tucked her in. Hurrah! The horses bound i ,4- We reach the open plufn: .: My voice broke in a merry pong, She followed in the Rtrain. • How glorious was the atar-gemmed nMM>, ^ r 'twas awful c<^ <> m**V I shortly found it must be rial \ :'L ' Z H e r m u f f t o h e l p h e r h o l d f ^ * • " • Song followed Bong--in careless inSrJitfit '• We dashed ftlong the way. eft ' * i* " Ah, how much happiness of sarth Was tucked into that sleigh! How lovingly the sweet blue eyes Beamed coftly in my own; At last I i-itugiii, io my surprlse, A tremor in the tone. • The song we sang did not require A shade of tremolo; 1 raised my voice a trifle higher . „ To hide the fault, I know-- 'In vain my heart with love best higkt And--how, I may not tell-- . I caught the sweet glance of her eyrij " It faltered, and it fell. " Darling!" I said, no other word Was sung < r breathed apart; But list'nmg close you might have hoard A singing in each hesrt. Her voice has changed a bit, you ses, And somewhat sweeter grown, And when we sMgh, I take with mo A darling of my own. Pith and Point. DON'T say " I told you so." Twe to one you never said anything about it. "r THE: boy who was kicked out of by a gun said he fired and fell back iaf good order. " I'M. let you off easy this time," as the horse said, when he threw his rider into the mud« THE newsboy'S rendering of the aid Scotch provei b is, " Many a nickel makes a muckle." IT has been demonstrated that it is easier to lug a double-barreled gun for ten hours than to put up a clothes Mae. DOORSTEP picnics are quite comma*. They are inexpensive, and parents know where their children are whjpn left om * doorstep. THE Duke of Wellington's saying c<Mt- nected with early rising was not a bad one : " Let the first turn in the morning be a turn out." THE Lord Mayor of London declares that a great deal of proper accentuation is derived from the stage. " O, 'sir, you aie ve-ry ke-ynd!"--Boston Post. THE Hebrews, it is said, own one-half of Berlin. " The other half, then," says Phipps, (who was over there onoejf, "' must be »wned by the he-brewers." INEBRIATED gentleman who has fallen down stairs to another who offers to help him up--" Wharzeuse slabberin' 'round a fella? I alius como down stairs that way I" NOTHING makes a man so mad is to run a block after Thomas io borrow money of him, and reaching him, to find that he is Jones, a creditor who has been threatening to sue. " MADAM," said a trance-medium, " your husband's spirit wishes to com­ municate with you." "No matter," said the widow, " if he's got no more spiri in the other world than he had in thisy it not worth bothering about." A MISS of ten or eleven, on her way to school, was heard saying to herself : "A noun is the name of any person, place, or thing, and if any of the girls have hooked that apple from my desk I'll raise a fuss with the whole school I" A SCOTTISH student, supposed to be deficient in, judgment, was asked by a professor, in the course of his examina­ tion, how he would discover a fcol. "By the questions he would ask," was tiie prompt and highly suggestive reply. A WISCONSIN editor illustrates tiie prevailing extravagance of the people of tho present day by calling attention to the costly baby-carriages in use now, while, when he was a baby, they hauled him around by the hail ot his head. VOLT AIRE once praised another writer very heartily to & third person. " IT is very strange," was the reply, "thatyou speak so well of him, for he says you are a charlatan." " Oh," replied Voltaire, "I think it very likely that both of us are mistaken." WHEN you have been so foolish as to talia exception to a lady's remttrk, and she, posing herself as if for debate, curt­ ly asks, "Why not?" just stop the conversation right there. Remem­ ber that this is a wide, wide world, and there's always room enough to move on.--Brooklyn Argus. THE other day when a Detroit mother took down the rod of correction and or­ dered her son to stand out there she remarked : "I don't know what ails you ; you are not like the rest of my children." "I know it, mother," he tearfully an­ swered, "and I wish you would give them all the lickings and give me all the sugar!" She divided the lickings up, however.--Detroit Free Press. EV'BY little grape, that clings unto a vine. Expects some day to ripen its little drop or wise. Ev'ry little girl, I think, i xpects in time to be Exactly like her own mamma--as grand, and iwtct, anu free! Ev'ry little boy who has a pocket of his own, Expects t J be the biggest man the world has 6ver known. Ev'ry little piggywig that makes its little wail, Expects to be a great, big pig, with a very curly tail. Ev'ry little lambkin, too, that frisks upon the green. Expects to be the finest sheep that ever ytt was s9en. Ev'ry little baby -colt expects to be a horse; Ev'ry little pup expects to be a dog, of course. Ev'ry little kitten pet, so tender and so nice, Expects to be a grown up cat, and live on rats Mia mice. Ev'ry little fluffy chick, in downy yeUow drest, Expects some day to crow and strut, or cackle at us Ev'ry little baby-bird, that peeps from outn®J*» Kxpeot# some day to cross ttte sky, from glowing < ast to west. • .... (._ Now ev'ry hope I've menUoned here will bring us sure event, . ProvidiuK nothing happens to hinder or prevent. --St. Xicholas. ' DETROIT husbands and wives some­ times--once in a great many years--have disputes. The other day, when a Beech 8treet couple were holding an angry ar­ gument, the husband raised his hands and exelaimed: "Oh! Consistency, thou art a jewel!" The wife at once broke down, and as she sobbed she gasped out, " You saw her at the opera, I suppose, but if she had to split wood, wash dishes, and take care of six chil­ dren she wouldn't look any better'n I do-^hoo V'--Free Press. THE last words of tbe San Jose (Cal.) Advertiser were: "We entered the journalistic field on a business proposi­ tion; and on the same proposition we know wher. it is time to die, and we are dead." k,: !:\C