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* BY KTHKL hXVK. ^ ./' Well, Marian, fair eldest natfjr, l'v«* come. You Are Forry, I know. For I'll yell, like th* otber eight babfsa, Now crown to a dowr.-^oping ro*- And 111 hiccough and *«»re and fall over, A.nd tear ev'ry novel aud note; I'll grab at y«vir ear-rli'K* ana bracelet, And twiat off the tie at your throat. IH waVe up at 6 in the mornin", "And cry to if °t up *nd be dressed, When poor little mother is weary. And needs ev'rv moment of rest. ail hit littlf Ann, if 1 choose to, I'll take Kitty'* doll by its clothes, And I'll hammer it over the fender Till it hasn't a scrap of a nose. 111 m«ke the cat dance tn your banket, And tangle your knitting ami wool; 111 mu<H tip niy father's shirt-bosom. And eive Tommy's white hair a pull.* , . /won't I ave to bo whipped for it, either, Agyo i were. You poor ' Number One." You got all the discipline ever. While I come in time for the fun. For the mother, you pee, is so weary, And tired of nine little cares, And papa too busy to mind us Whilst struggling with business affairs. But then, when yonr heart is nigh broken, And. weary and worrit'd, you cry, I'll oouie with my own little apron To wipe off the tear from your eye. And nutting both fat arms around yon, nfkiss vonr soft, velvety cheek, And I'll tell you I'll try to be better, , As plain as a baby can speak. And then, " Number One," you will hug me, You know, to your warm, loving breast, And,will never tell mother your trouble. Bat leave hir to health-giving rest.. And if I wilt down in the summer. And. tooth'CUtting, whimper and pine, Don't I know how your teruterest touches Are waiting for small " Number Nine?" Ah! if I should slip out of trouble, To the bright other side of the sky,' And your arms, that are tired, were empty, Don't I know how you'd, sorrowing, cry? It's queer how they love us--we babies-- It don't seem as tho' we could pay; And yet, how the arms close about us To keep the dark Shadow away ! Just wait a few years, sister, darling, I'll grow up a* quick as I can; And then, wont 1 smooth the ronph plaoes For you, when I've grown up a man ? AFTER THE FIRE. BY ANNA SHEHIDS. The fire, from which we date in the family, it being the great event therein for years, seemed at the time it occurred the climax of a series of misfortunes that had been falling for five years upon our ^devoted heads. First, we lost a dear father, who left the family already mentioned, namely, mamma, Meta, Freddie and myself. Meta was but 14 when father died, I 12, 4tnd Freddie but 3 years of age. There was no money for us after the business *wa« closed, and mamma thankfully ac- •cepted an offer of her Uncle Gordon's to be hi* housekeeper, and so secure a home for all of us. Suck a home! Uncle Gordon Crofts "was a man nearly 70, strong and vigor­ ous, with a most ungovernable temper, miserly and suspicious, who had lived alone for about forty Tears. What sud- -den spasm of generosity made him open the doors of his wretched, tumble-down old house to us, we never knew; but cer­ tainly he repented the arrangement as tKton as his proposal was accepted. Not one meal passed our lips that we •were not reminded of its cost; not an article of our poor clothing was renewed without deep groans over our extrava­ gance, and we were put out at once-- Met* iiud myself--to learn trades, I be­ ing apprenticed to a milliner, Meta to a (bookbinder. I know now that scant as our wages were they really covered the expense of . our poor food and worse lodging ; but • in those days we were too young and inexperienced to venture to dispute our tincle's oft-repeated assertion that we •were "eating him out of house and home." As for poor mamma, with all tho housework, sewing, washing and cooking upon her hands, surely she earned the little she spent. But in spite of our poverty and hard work, Meta blossomed from a thin, igawky girl into a maiden beautiful, modest and tender, a sweet flower amidst "Our thorns. I was never even pretty, and I fairly worshiped Meta's golden • flarif, soft, brown eyes, and clear com- Elexioei. She was slender, not very tall, ut graceful in every gentie movement. WbeE Brent Ellis discovered Meta's attractions Bhe was 18, and still working at her trade in the bindery, which Brent's father owned. Another trouble foiwr.ed quickly upon this little ro- mmee, for old John Ellis, after storm- "-sajt and raging like a maniac at the pre­ sumption of one of the "hands" in daring to be sufficiently attractive to *wi:- the love of the son and heir of his magnificence, dismissed Meta at an '•hour's notice. As he owned the only book-bindery -establishment in the town, and Meta . Anew no other trade, affairs looked black •enough for us. Brent himself was as true as steel, and wanted Meta to marry him at once, JrromisiLg every devotion of which true ove is capable. But, in spite of her - Meta had some pride, and with quiet dignity refused to enter any fast sly where she was unwelcome. BI'/KLT, too, at this crisis, informed Brent that his visits had better cease, land Meta did not speak one word of di«sent. I stormed, of course. I always do $ionn when I am angry, but nobody •ever came round to my opinion, no mat­ ter how 1 raved, and John Ellis certainly •did not. To be sure, he did not hear ine, or that might have made some dif­ ference. , , Midwinter found us in this strait. Meta out of employment, helping mother about the house, and patiently bearing Uncle Gordon's sneers at her idleness and line-lady airs; I trimming ns liats and meekly handing overiuv wages f to our uncle; Freddie still at the town- Mpchool, but with an apprenticeship •ilooming ia the spring. Jtn January Uncle Gordon was taken . .MUl,«ihe first serious sickness of his life fie vould have no doctor till absolutely • < forced to call one in, by increasing pain And weakness, and, when the long-de­ layed examination was over, it proved to 11 >liflve been made too late. J '1' In just one month after his first pain ' !• «rar uncle died, leaving a brief will con- ;Inferring all his property, the house in­ cluded, upon our mother, his "well- JJoved niece, Sarah Morton." But where was the property? Not a -dollar was deposited in the bank, not an inch of real estate was held in his name, ; 'fcave the miserable lot of land upon /'which the house stood, and which barely "'-yielded vegetables for the table. sWe turned the house upside down and inside out, but. not one dollar rewarded our search. Finally we sadly concluded that the stinginess we had seen, the lamentations wo had heard, were the result of real, downright poverty, and cot the affectations of a miser reluctant to open his purse. And wo struggled along somehow, mother sewing a little, Meta doing house-work, and I still at the milliner's. We did not starve. That is the record of the next four months--a struggle |or mere bread, and the saving of actual existence, nothing more. And, to cap the climax, came the lire. It was a night in June--a clear, star­ light night --- when heaven seemed to smile upon earth, and I, though weary enough, was sleepless. Meta iay by my side, wakeful as myself, and told me, in that, she had met her lover that day, when on some household er­ rand, and he had urged her sorely to consent to marry him, though his father had not relented. " I don't know but I would," 1 said. " After all, he is a man, and must be able to care for you somehow. This life is killing you." And as I spoke Meta cried: " I smell smoke I" " Smell it!" I cried, starting up. " I see it 1" There it was, coming in at the cracks of the worn-out door, little threads at first, bu filling the room rapidly. "We caught up some clothing and rushed to the door. As we opened it the flames burst out on the landing and staircase, forcing us to retreat. Mother and Freddie slept in rooms beyond ours on the other side, and we rushed across to them. It took, but a moment to rouse them, and we all four scram­ bled, half-dressed, from Freddie's win­ dow to a shed, and so to the yard. By this time the neighbors were wak­ ened, the lire-bell was ringing, and the whole block about us was glowing in the flames shooting up from our old house to the sky. Fancy, if you can, the group we formed, as we stood huddled together in the yard, and watched everything we owned upon earth being licked up by greedy tongues of flame, swallowed in clouds of smoke. Meta and I could see our bedroom closet and the scanty stock of clothing there, and count the dearly- purchased articles as they were con­ sumed. " My poor black alpaca," Meta said, watching the lurid trimming creeping up the skirt. "We might have snatched that. It hangs on the door." "See my bandbox toppling over," I said. " The bonnet will have flame- colored feathers in two minutes." Mother was too much crushed to share in our grim jesting, and Freddie was trembling with excitement and terror. The firemen did their duty bravely, but were too late to save anything, and dawn found us homeless, with nothing left of our house but blackened walls and a tall chimney, clearly defined against the rosy sky of a J une sunrise. Then--I shall love him all my life for that--as we stood utterly desolate and destitute, Brent Ellis, who had worked like a giant at the fire-engines, came, all blackened and streaming with sweat, and said: " Marry me, Meta, now, this hour, so that 1 may have a right to shelter all of you. Come, love, come. I have a little fortune of my own my father cannot touch, and it will keep us from want, if no more." _ ip But Meta only thanked him gently, and clung closer to our mother. We began to realize our scant raiment in the daylight, and were glad to accept the offer of a neighbor for temporary shelter. Others came forward, and we had soon an incongruous assortment of cast-off clothes at our disposal, and arrayed our­ selves as we best could, presenting a ludicrous appearance enough, if any of us could have raised spirits enough to laugh. But we were not exactly hilarious ! Utter and entire destitution seemed to have fallen upon us, at last, after our long fight with that traditional wolf who had prowled so near our doors for the last five years. We salted our cups of charity-offered coffee with our tears, and were blind to the charms of griddle- cakes hospitably pressed upon us. Neighbors flocked in to offer advice and consolation, and we were touched by most generous offers of home and food from several, until we eould " look around." Where? What could we look for? Our only home lay in ashes, our sole possessions were entirely consumed ! For three days we were numbed by despairing sorrow. "We" means the three women, for Freddie seemed to look upon the whole business as a pleasurable change in the monotony of his existence. He had not been so well fed--indeed, I may say well stuffed--in five years ; for all the neighbors called him in, whenever he passed, to offer tit­ bits. He had an entire suit of clothes that were out-grown by one of the richer boys, and, fitting Freddie, clothed him better than he had been clothed since his father died ; and, best of all, he took holiday, nobody having sufficient­ ly recovered tneir wits to send him to school. As soon as the ruins of our home were cold enough to admit of visiting, par­ ties of boys began to dig in the ashes for half burned property, and Freddie harrowed our sensitive feelings fifty times a day by rushing in with buttons, scraps of metal, and ruined treasures of every description. Meta and I summoned up sufficient energy on the third day to visit my em­ ployer, who agreed to take my sister for a short time as saleswoman. We came back to our temporary home, somewhat encouraged, to find Brent had been there, and ftilly enlisted mamma on his side. While she was repeating his argu­ ments, and Meta listened with a smile of quiet happiness at her lover's con­ stancy, Freddie burst in. "Come quick! quick!" he cried. " We've found a big iron box under the chimney-place; I can't lift it, it is so heavy. Oh, come ! " He was fairly dragging mamma from her seat, and, hastily throwing a shawl around her, she followed him, Meta and myself bringing np the rear. Truly enough, tnere was a large box under the chimney-place, in a hollow, bricked all around, which had evidenfjy had an opening we had never seen. It was large and heavy, requiring the united foroes of the family to pull it from its resting-plaoe, and carry it to the barn, where we put it down upon the floor. . ^ There was no key, but a strong lock, and after long deliberation we sent for a hatchet, and by dint of much persever­ ance and strength burst it open. Within --as by that time we half expected--we found Uncle Gordon's hoarded treasures. Bonds to the amount of fifty thousand dollars, with the coupons untouched for six years ; some six hundred dollars in gold ; a case of uncut gems, not very valuable ; a package of private letters ; an oid-fashioned watch and chain ; and a miniature portrait of a lady, opening out a field for our speculations as to some romance of the past we had never suspected in our unole's life. There was »no one to dispute our mother's claim to the propprtvs all safely deposited in bank before sunset and our troubles seemed, at last, to he over. John Ellis, whom I hate most cor­ dially, and shall while I live, called upon mamma in a few days, and most gra­ ciously withdraw his opposition to his son's marriage. We took his conde­ scension for exactly what it was worth, but were more than happy at the thought of rewarding Brent's faithful love. Our new house, built upon the site of the old one, is but a roomy, two-story cottage, but homelike and cosy, and our honse-warming was the wedding of Brent and Meta, where Freddie and I officiated as groomsman and bridesmaid, and dear mamma seemed to throw off twenty years of her age when she put on her lavender silk dress and wound her heavy hair in a coronet upon her head, in honor of the bridal. Brent would have none of mamma's money settled upon his wife, but was a loving adviser as to its investment for our support, and we make occasions for present-giving toward the housekeep­ ing treasures of the young couple, to keep up something of a fair division of the income. Freddie plumes himself greatly upon the fact that his bright eyes discovered the hoard that so improved our for­ tunes ; and it has become a habit with us to date all events in our family history as having occurred " before the fire." or, " after the fire." His Pathetic Article. On the Bay City train coming down yesterday was a passenger whose strange actions drew the attention of every one in the car. He had a newspaper in one hand and a handkerchief in the other, and he would read for a minute or two and then turn away and weep. After this action had continued for some time one of his fellow-passengers approached him and tenderly remarked : " My friend, you seem to feel sorrow­ ful." " So I do," was the choked reply. " Have you had some great bereave­ ment?" " Not very lately. I was reading a pathetic article in this paper, and it calls up old recollections." " Let me see it," asked the gentleman, and taking the paper he found that the article commenced with : ' "All persons are hereby forbidden to trust my wife after this date, as she has left my bed and board," and so forth. He didn't know what to say in reply, and as he handed the paper back without a word, the grief-stricken man remarked : " I haven't been so affected in fifteen years!" " Why, what has this to do with you?" was the surprised query. "Th-there's a lond wife turned out on--on the world," replied the weeper ; " no home, n© cash, no credit. Poverty drives her to sleep in a barn. During the night she rolls off the hay-mow, strikes on the fanning-mill, breaks her neck, and is found dead the next day! The nusband and seven children gather around the body, and--and--but can you imagine that scene and not weep ? Lend me some Of that tobacco and leave me alone with my grief. I feel like a spring break-up, and I know it's better for the system than quinine." - They stood back and let him grieve, and he didn't seem to get over it a bit until he saw a dog-fight on the platform et a station. That entered his soul like a ray of sunshine, and as the train moved on he stood up and said : " I'll bet any cadaver in this car $5 that the wall-eyed dog gets licked!"-- Detroit Free Press. An Extraordinary Marriage. At the Liverpool Court of Passage, re­ cently, a case of breach of promise of marriage was heard. The plaintiff, Miss Jane Callaghan, aged 30, had been at one time a young lady of considerable personal attractions, and was not now devoid of good looks. She was daugh­ ter of a respectable widow, who carried on the business of a furniture broker^ and the defendant was a brie a-brac col­ lector or merchant. He was a Persian by birth, and he trafficked principally in artioles derived from the East, and car­ ried on large and lucrative undertakings. The defendant promised to marry her on several occasions, and, although not a Christian, he had, at all events, some strange notions as to the solemnity with which marriages in this country were sanctified. He objected to the Christian ceremony, and proposed to marry her according to what he called the "Eastern rite." She was simple enough to believe him, and the mode in which he performed this extraordinary ceremony was as fol­ lows: He took down a sword, and, hav­ ing unsheathed it, he pronounoed some cabalistic words in Persian, and went through a long and intricate ceremony. He then swore upon the sword, and made her do the same, following up this by drawing up a nuptial declaration in his own language, and finishing by say­ ing that they were married according to the Eastern rite. He promised that he would take her to Parts, where he would marry her according to the Christian religion. This promise had never been fulfilled, but, having been deceived by it, she had given birth to a child in 1871, and was now again about to become a mother. The jury found for the plain­ tiff; damages, £75.--Liverpool Post. EXTIIAOBDINARY TBITTMPH of science. This new principle, new way to cure cougb and consumption. Dr. J. H. McLean's Cough and Lnng Healing Glolmleis. As rapidly as the globule dwholves in the mouth, & healing gas if formed and inhaled, which cures throat and lung disease. Trial boxes, 35 vents, by mail. Dr. J. H. McLean, 314 Chestnut et, St. Louis. CASTING A BROXZE STATUE. How the Work la Done-- Molding Conrad's Figure of a Soldier fop Hartford. The lower half of Conrad's statue of a soldier, to be erected in Hartford, was cast in bronze in Fischer's foundry, Forsyth street, cn Saturday. The upper half has been finished. The figure is heroic in size, and represents a young Union infantry soldier in uniform, in­ cluding overcoat, and carrying a musket. The casting of a large piece in bronze is a delicate operation, requiring care and artistic skill. The making of a plaster mold from the original model, then a plaster figure from that mold, and finally^ from the figure a sectional mold into which to run the metal, requires many weeks of skilled labor. The element of luck enters Jargely into the culminating attempt to cast, as flaw* in the metal often cause failures, imposing weeks of additional labor. Consequently the dozen workmen employed on Saturday were visibly anxious, and a knot of spec­ tators employed the entire afternoon in interestedly watching the process. The large box, called a "flask," con­ taining the mold, clamped firmly with iron, was let down with a crane into a cavity, and flowed over, so that only a funnel protruded. This was close to a great brick furnace, in which the bronzy was heating over a great, roaring fire. The metal, as it was slowly oonvarted into liquid, was closely observed by the foreman. A glimpse through an aper­ ture showed it boiling furiously like water, and so hot that an iron bar stuck into it became red almost instantly. When the iron oould be withdrawn with­ out any bronze clinging to it, the com­ pound was deemed ready. An immense metal bucket, attached to a powerful crane, was swung tinder the end of a spout, the furnace was tapped, and a molten stream ran out. Sparks flew in every direction, faces were shielded hastily from the heat, and the dusty plaster images of Franklin, the Vander- bilt bas-relief and other relics of pre­ vious jobs were made to glow. The bucket was nearly filled, a turn of the crane took it over the flask, and the liquid was, by tipping th bucket, poured into the mold, from which the suddenly- heated alr# rushed through vent pipes with a noise like escaping steam. Some of the bronze slopped pver and set fire to the wood floor, and the water that quenched the blaze made so much steam that nothing else could be seen for five minutes. The casting was perfect.-- New York Sun. The Greatest Banks. The paid-up capital «f the Nevada Bank, $10,000,000 in gold coin, stands, with the exception of the Bank of Com­ merce of New York, unequaled by that of any bank of the United States. The Bank of Commerce has also a capital of $10,000,000, but it is in currency. The largest bank in Canada is the Bank of Montreal, with a capital of $12,000,000. The Merchants Bank, in the same city, has a capital of $8,000,000. The follow­ ing is a list of the only banks in the United States with a capital of $5,000,000 and upward; Bank of Commerce, New York, $10,000,000; Nevada Bank, San Francisco, $10,000,000; C. R. R. and Banking Company, Savannah, $7,500,- 000; Bank of California, San Francisco, $5,000,000; Merchants' Exchange Bank, San Francisco, $5,000,000; American Exchange, New York, $5,000,000; Fourth National, New York, $5,000,000. It will be seen that San Francisco now stands on a par with New York as a great bank­ ing center, and the indications are that in time the bullion trade of the world will be controlled by that city instead of London, as heretofore. The Nevada Bank, only a year in existence, has been such a success that it enters on its sec­ ond year with doubled capital and the best wishes of the mercantile commu­ nity. A Cloak of Feathers. There is an industrious young lady in the country who is making a cloak almost entirely of partridge feathers: It will be a unique piece of clothing, and very pretty and comfortable, though it re­ quires an immense amount of labor and perseverance to put it together. In it will be at least 10,000 feathers of differ­ ent sizes, the lower portion of the cloak being made of the tail feathers, and then ranging up, the breast feathers come next, while the variegated plumage around the neck of the bird will encircle the white throat of the lady. It will re­ quire about 100 partridges to fill out the regular course of feathers, which are placed in layers similar to the Way in which they grow on the bird. When finished, the cloak will be valued at $50, though in New York it would be worth probably double that amount. The birds are shot by her brother Bill, who pops them over whenever she wants them, only asking that she will nicely cook what is left for himself to make a square meal off of them.--Kingston (A\ Y.) Freeman. Duck-Hunters Hiring Whole Lakes. During the last two years, says the Sacramento Record- Union, professional duck-liunters have hired the lakes in the vicinity of Sacramento for the hunt­ ing season, and prevented amateurs from shooting thereon. In some in­ stances they made money by the trans­ action, but as a general thing did not. The result promises to be that the com­ petition for the possession of the best shooting grounds will cause the rent to become so high that the hunters will not have as large incomes as they did before they began renting. The ama­ teur shooters of the city are consid­ ering the desirability of forming clubtf for the renting of lakes next year--the larger the club the greater the acfes of) property leased, and, as they have "con­ siderable feeling over what they style the " freeze out" policy of the profes­ sionals, it is probable that, if the organ­ ization of oiubs is carried into effect, those that shoot for the market will have a brisk competition in the bidding for possession of lakes. Thirty Mischievous Boys. Boys are boys even so far away as Madras. Some of the students of tho Doveton Protestant College at Vepery recently cut out the bottom of the acting principal's chair, and replaced it in its frame rather ingeniously by means of a few pieces of rattan. When the worthy gentleman ascended the platform and seated himself in the chair the bottom foil out, and he was forced to assume a most angular and awkward Attitude. As soon as the boys recovered from a delirium of convulsive emotion, the good man set to work to discover the offenders, but was astonished by the density of ignorance which was mani-* fested at every desk. He finally decreed that there should be no Saturday half- holiday until the mischief-makers were discovered. When Saturday came, thirty of the senior boys absented them­ selves. On the following Monday the principal, with vengeance in his' eye, gave every one of the truants a tremen­ dous thrashing. SOCIAL SPIES. A Peculiar Phase ot City XJl'e. Sometimes a spy is employed to •'shadow" a spy; a detective is used to watch a detective. In such cases the two spies combine in the common inter­ est of cheating their employer. Very often the private detective " puts up a job " on some wealthy person or corpor' ation. A shrewd detective last year con­ trived for four months to be kept on the track of a " suspected " individual, who was always leaving a trace, but never to be found. In the search for this indi­ vidual the detective crossed the Atlantic twice, traveled through England, France, and Belgium--stopping for ten days in London, and a w< ek in Paris--traveled over 4,000 miles in this country, lived at all the best hotels, drew $10 a day and his expenses, which were $10 more, and never found his man, for the very good reason that the suspected party had nev­ er existed. "How not to do it," is a very important part of the modus oper­ andi of a p rivate detective. If he is paid to hunt up a party in a lawsuit he will not hesitate for a consideration not to find that party, even though he is where he oould lay liis hands on him at any time. If he is employed to report the proceedings of a party he can manufac­ ture just such "proceedings" as that "party " wants to have reported--for a consideration. A missing man need never be found--if he only finds and fees the detectives. • One private detect­ ive makes the greater part of his annual income by actin'g as "roper-in" for gambling houses. During the war his commission on the money spent by the victims he "steered in" to a popular Broadway game netted him thousands upon thousands of dollars. Other pri­ vate detectives do not hesitate in their capacity, as agents for business houses, to recommend people to worthless houses, who pay them a tangible com­ mission. The " expense account" is the great joy and placer of the private detective. He charges from $5 to $8 per day for his services (he was wont 'dur­ ing anti-panic times to get $10 and $12), but when he is sent out of town, or when he is engaged on a " delicate " job, he ciiarges "expenses" besides, and under this head of expenses he does not hesitate to include (in his own mind) clothes, knickknacks, wines, cigars and sundries.--though he sums up these little items in the bill in his own way. A bill was recently rendered by a private de­ tective of $80 for eleven days' work, while expenses were set down at $103. The bill was paid, though all the work and all the expenses would have been amply compensated by $40, and the ex­ penses were nil. There are two sorts of detecfives -- those who are. excellent "pipers," first-class "shadowers" or spies--and men for " general business." The "pipers " must be patient, observ­ ant and untiring, while the " general business " must be quick-witted, ready for any emergency, able to play any part that may be desired. " Piping " is the mechanical portion of the detect­ ive system, while " general business " is the artistic. With either claf-s the great object is to avoid being found out --i. e;, "dropped"or "tumbled" on. A few years ago the private detective business in New York city followed the usual rule, and spread "up town." A private detective bureau was, a few years ago, opened on Fourteenth street. The best customers were either fashionable wives who wished their husbands " shadowed," or fashionable fathers who feared that their daughters were asso­ ciating with questionable characters. On several occasions the services of the detectives were called upon suddenly to follow and " pipe " some woman who had been seen with some suspicious per­ son at a matinee. There was plenty of this sort of work, but, after all, the "social" side of the private detective business was not so lucrative as the " commercial." So the office was moved down town again, in which section of the city are at present congregated all the private detectives of New York. Coloring Hunan Hair by Eating Eggs. The much-vexed question, How to get gold hair, is solved at last. While the Germans shrink from being held a fair- haired nation, who knows, but the suf­ ferers, what other nations have gone through to win the hair despised by Prussia i Ladies have borne unheard- of torments is> pursuit of this fictitious gold. One 'who had to be turned round in the sun for hours during the process, bore with stoic fortitude the terrible headaches.involved each week, nor ever complained of what she had to pay, though, after all, she was scarcely even electro-platod. Some run other risks, in robbing Teuton corpses of their long, fair locks ; and all is ineffectual while eyes and skin remain to give the lie to hair. Now, no more dyes, migraines, or wigs will be necessary. Everybody may sport the " glad gold hair "--nay, blue eyes, too, and snowy skins. All you have to do is to go and live on an island and eat penguins' eggs--and the more you eat the fairer you will get. None need despair, for hair too dark to turn to gold turns red, and red hair, being more the rage than flaxen, tant mieux. The isle in question is one of the Crozet group, on which the survivors of the unfortunate Strathmore were wrecked last year, and rescued after six months' durance vile. They had little to eat but penguins' eggs (and doubt­ less the eggs without the island would be of no avail), but the slight inconven­ ience of a sameness of food would be readily encountered by the votaries of fashion. A survivor writes : " The eggs did every one a great deal of good. * * * A most remarkable thing was that every one had fair skins and light hair, dark faces and hair being quite changed, black hair turning brown or red, and fairer people quite flaxen." If some enterprising Englishman does net immediately set up a hotel on this enchanted spot, we shall never give John Bull credit for knowing how to make his fortune.--London Echo. WAITING. A Jprlghtly son of Oallla'a oliiM Bra once. In choice Parlrfan, pfato That everything must come in time To him who known the way to watt. I will not charge with gross untruth _ The wit who gave the saw to fame, TO* I have waited since my youth WOT hosts of things that sever caine. For years l've waited for a girl Who quietly to church would go, And th fire become aiy "prloeleBB peari," * *'thout the usual nuptial show, I think a wedding feagt £ bore-- I Bought a maid who'd think the Bans. I My dream of tyJ8G, alas ! IB o'er. I waited--but she never came. I had a vote and kept it, till Some honest candidate aroae. Who'd bow beneath no leader's will To join with eith-r '• Ayes" or "Noes;" Some man who, spite of party strife Tool: justice as his highest aim. ' I never voted all my life. I waited--but he never caxne. I longed to grasp the hand of one Who'd be an honest, faithful friend- As constant as the rising suj, And love me with no selfish end; Who, when misfottune cast me down. Would still tn all things be the nanny I've not a friend in all the town. I, waited--but he never came. I hoped to see the golden days t When honest men would fare the best- When modest worth would win the bays. And virtue boldly rear its crest- When o'er the dark and dismal land The torch of Truth should brightly I thought those days were near at hand. 1 waited--but they never came. Pith and Point. DOESN'T a man eontract a debt when he pays part of it ? MBS. PARTINGTON says Ike has bought a horse so spirituous that he always goes off in a decanter. IF a writer should attempt to turn bad prose into poorer rhyme, oould he be accused of making bad werse t *1 DID it rain to-morrow ?" a Dutchman inquired of a Frenchman. "Me guess it was," replied the wise Frenchman. " I AH glad that I am once more on terra cotta," said a ma&culine Mrs. Par­ tington, as he stepped off from a Cun- arderat East Boston dock. "WHY didn't you put on a clean collar before you left home?" called out an impertinent young fop to an omnibus driver. "'Cause your mother hadn't sent home my washing," was the ex­ tinguishing reply. SCENE in a New Tork polioe court: Judge--" Prisoner, I find you guilty of intoxication in the public streets. The punishment is $10 or ten days. Which will you take?" Prisoner--" I will take the $10, your honor." A HOUSEKEEPER sent Bridget out one morning to buy some heads of lettuce. She returned with postage stamps. When asked how she made the mistake, she pertly answered, "An' sure, wasn't I told to get heads of letters?" A CENTENNIAL critic oeing asked by a Graphic correspondent which he liked best, the statoos or the picters, replied : " I donno hardly, Zeb, but on the hull praps I like the statoos best, cos you kin go all round the statoos, but you can't , see ony one side o' the picters." "OH, mamma, that's Capt. Jones' knock! I know he has come to ask me to be his wife 1" "Well, my dear, you must accept him." "But I thought you hated him so t" "Hate him t I do --so much that I intend to be his moth­ er-in-law." Revenge is sweet, especially to women. A MAIDEN lady said to her little nephew: "Now, Johnny, you go to bed early, and always do so, and you'll be rosy-cheeked and handsome when you grow up." Johnny thought over this a few minutes, and then observed: " Well, aunty, you must have set up a good deal when you were young." A BURGiiAR broke into a palatial resi­ dence, chloroformed the inmates, got possession of a United States bond-look- ing box, and carried it three miles into the country before he ventured to open it, and then, when he found in it only a cut paper pattern for a lady's night dress, he threw his dark lantern into the creek, and, swallowing his skeleton keys, died in abject mortification. A YANKEE in Paris, who was listening to the boasts of a lot of English and French artists about the wonderful genius of their respective countrymen, at last broke out, saying : " Oh, pshaw, you git out! Why, there's Bill Devine, of our village, who kin paint a piece of <cork so exactly like marble that the minute you throw it into the water it will sink to the bottom just like a stone!" MB. LONGFELIJOW CBOFFUT, of the s» Graphic, presents this view of a well- known red man : " I'm the Sitting Bull you've heerd of, These is Mister Gutter's trappings. Now, behold ! thy child is hungry-- 8implo infant of the forest Hungry as a famished wildcat-- Stomach like n hollow poplar; Tighter draw my beltum--no good; Canteen ni*y fiery water; See! I tip him topny-turvy And theve ain't a bit of pmellum. Injun hungry ! Injun thirsty ! " And he hammered on his stomach. THEY were in town the other evening, enjoying each other's society, and ex­ changing cuds of gum with each other. "Jerusha, where'd you git your gum! your'n's sweeter'n mine," said he; and as she told him where she made her pur­ chase, he exclaimed, "'By Jinks ! that's where I got mine, too ; but"--he added, in a lover's pas&ionate tone--"it's 'cause you've chewed it's what makes it eo good." EDITH (that dreadful young flirt)-- "Do you know, coz, I think I shall' marry I" Cousin (with designs in that quarter himself)--" Really ! You amaze me! Soon?" Edith--"Well, perhaps in a month or two." Cousin--"And may I ask the name of the happy man ?" Edith--"The what?" Cousin--"The man, the--er--what is it?--the intend­ ed?" Edith---"Ah, by the way--yes-- I must begin to think of that, too, mustn't Ij^ RHEUMATISM is more common and dis­ tressing, especially in this country, than almost any other disease; and, at the same time, it may be asserted that it is as little understood and as unsuccessful­ ly treated. Physicians, in many cases, are unable to cure it, even in their own person ; yet such are the unparalleled ' virtues of the oelebrated Merchant's Gargling Oil, that the most obstinate cases at once yield to it.--Springfield (Maxs.) Daily Union. THE dying of animals is now quite a common branch of the dyer's art. Some time ago a French woman, of the kind that choose notoriety, drove in Paris four gray horses dyed a brilliant magenta.